Marriage Gems – 4

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Maryam Lemu

Channel: Maryam Lemu

Series:

Topics: Marriage

Episode Notes

A while back I conducted a survey of “What decent men and women want in their spouse”. Here are the results of the second part of the survey, “What decent men WANT in their spouse”. Some of the points mentioned do not apply in some marriages however, these were the top concerns for most of the men.

Episode Transcript

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What's been lacking min ash shaytani r rajim Bismillah Al Rahman Rahim Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu. My name is Mariam lemo. And welcome back to my series that I'm calling marriage gems, where I share tips and ideas on how to spice up the marriage and how to improve your relationship with your spouse. I was curious one day about what decent men and women are looking for in one another in the marriage in the relationship, and also what they don't like about each other so that we can be more aware and hopefully work on those areas. During this episode, inshallah, I will be sharing with you the results of the survey where we find out what men with decent men are

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looking for in their spouse, and what they don't like that they feel they should improve upon. Now, number one, number one, top of the list of most important things that men are looking for in their spouses, decent men are looking for in their spouses is this issue to do with intimacy, satisfying their needs, their wants, and their fantasies, being adventurous, making sure that there's variety. This is so important, since there is no holds barred except for those two areas that I mentioned earlier. Be creative, do your research, do your homework, and then speak to your spouse to find out what it is they enjoy what they want, so that you can bring it to life. So definitely pay strong and

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close attention to this particular area. Another thing that men want in their spouse is that they are well kept, they take care of themselves, they look good for them, and they take care of their personal hygiene. Obviously, that means using rolawn using deodorants and antiperspirants to keep themselves clean, and fresh. Then they mentioned they want a spouse that is sensible. Some men said I want my spouse to be sensible. And to be pleasant company, somebody I enjoy being around, and also hospitable when I have guests, that my spouse is a good host, and makes people feel warm, and welcome. They also mentioned that they would want a spouse that makes sure that good food is served.

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Now I'm not saying they have to be the ones to cook. However, make sure they supervise that good food is served in the house that it's not when they go outside, that I get better food, then a good mother, a spouse, that will be a good mother. sense of humor came up as well, to have a good sense of humor, be ready to laugh at themselves, and laugh together have something in common that they can laugh about. Then somebody's appreciative Now, I mentioned this obviously in the other a few points ago. But somebody that shows appreciation for the littlest things that are done that they don't have to do big things. But you appreciate the small small things and acts that your spouse does for you.

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Then someone that is encouraging of their interests, generally, someone that supports their interests, what they do and encourages them. And then has good timing, since we mentioned nagging and complaining in the other area, the negative side, someone that knows when is the right time to talk about serious things and bring up issues. Don't wait for me to have just walked through the door. You don't know what my day was like. And then you now spring on me all the problems or concerns you have. Timing is everything, then somebody who's warm and welcoming. Now specifically, this thing came to me recently because I didn't realize how much it meant to my husband. If I'm home

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and he's not and he comes back home, I hear his car, I always go to the door and welcome him. And it was in a discussion he was having when he and I were counseling a couple recently that he mentioned how much it means to him, when I'm right there by the door or I squat into the door when he's leaving. The same applies to me right now Funny enough, my husband does exactly the same thing. So this thing about being warm and welcoming, making your spouse come back to a home not to a house because of the love and the warmth that is there. Then someone with good manners, good manners in how they conduct themselves, someone respectful, and then manages the house. Well, this was another

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issue that men want in their spouse, they manage the house, well, they make sure the house is clean and tidy, either by supervising somebody to do it or they make sure that everything is organized. And then managing funds. Well, finances become a very, very hot issue of contention in a lot of relationships. So to make sure that there is a mutual understanding and how money will be spent and that it is respected. Also, they mentioned that they don't want someone who plays games.

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I know someone who said that my spouse just has tears on call that she only needs to sit in front of me. And before you know it, tears start to roll and she wants to gain sympathy by doing that. And he felt that that was kind of manipulative. So be very sensitive, no playing games, no manipulation. And then they also mentioned that they don't want a spouse that holds a grudge. If you have something bothering you talk about it, let's deal with it and if it is addressed to your satisfaction, Let's bury it. Don't bring it up again and show that you never really forgive. So that is my laundry list of some of the things that have been raised.

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There's going to be a lot more. And I would like you to watch out for my video on how to capture this your spouse's heart, how to capture the heart of your spouse. in there, I share many many tips on how to strengthen the marriage inshallah and what your spouse's needs and wants are, so they don't have to go out to fulfill them. If you have more to add to this list of shared, please send me an email I am eager to receive additional things so that I can share it with others and learn myself. If you enjoyed this and any other of my episodes. Please share it with others, and then you can follow me on Facebook or join my YouTube channel and see more videos just like this. Thank you

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so much and May Allah bless you all and continue to guide us in all our endeavors and strengthen the bond between us and our spouses Assalamu alaikum