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Marriage Gems – 5

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Maryam Lemu

Channel: Maryam Lemu

Series:

Episode Notes

We explored what decent men WANT and what they DO NOT want. Now it’s the turn for the Ladies. Here are the results of the third part of the survey, “What women DO NOT want in their spouse”. Some of the points mentioned do not apply in some marriages however, these were the top concerns for most of the women.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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hours of electromagnetic energy Bismillahirrahmanirrahim Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh. My name is Miriam LIMU. And welcome back to my series that I'm calling marriage gems, where I share tips and ideas on how to strengthen the marriage how to build ourselves and make us more aware, so that the relationship between us and our spouses will become stronger inshallah. Now, in the previous episode, I told you that I had gotten curious about what decent men and women want in one another. And they shared with you what men like and what they don't like in their spouses, and what hopefully we can take as tips that will help us improve upon ourselves. Now, during this episode,

00:00:43--> 00:01:25

The wheels are turned, where we get to go into what women want in their spouses and what they don't want. Let's start with the complaints. The overwhelming complaint by women have men, the first thing that came up over and over again, was neglect and lack of attention, that during courtship, you get so much attention, you hear sweet nothings in your ear. However, after the marriage, you're no longer made to feel special. So neglect is a big one. And I hope the men listening will take heed, and then neglecting self. That is that the spouse doesn't take care of himself anymore the way he did during courtship, where he was hurt chunka chunka burning love, where he took his time to look

00:01:25--> 00:02:06

good to look presentable. Unfortunately, after the marriage, again, since you're not trying to win the heart of your spouse anymore, you find that women complain the men neglect themselves, then husband is not involved. The spouse is not involved in raising the children and disciplining them, often out there pursuing their own needs or goals or their job. And unfortunately, leaving one person, the wife, to be the one to discipline the children. And then of course, when things go wrong, she's the one who's blamed for everything. Another problem that keeps reoccurring or complaint, I should say, is this issue to do with being saddled with responsibilities that they feel

00:02:06--> 00:02:49

it's not for them to bear like fees to pay, and then household expenditure. That is not the spouse's responsibility. That is not the wife's responsibility. Obviously, if there are financial constraints, that is where you could have mutual understanding on how to share. But I remember when I got married, my husband said to me, what's mine is mine and what's his is ours that is under Sharia. So be aware that if your spouse does end up supporting in any of the household expenditures, the main necessities, not the trivalent ones, that is not her responsibility. Then another complaint women had of their spouses is that they were unacknowledged and unappreciated that they didn't

00:02:49--> 00:03:29

acknowledge the things they do, and didn't appreciate the things they were doing the hard work they were putting into the relationship and into taking care of the home. And still feeling unappreciated goes back to that first one of neglect. This kept coming up over and over again. Then another one was this thing to do with insensitivity to moods, when it comes to intimacy, we fight and then you want to be intimate with me. Or you can tell I'm really stressed out. And it's at that time, you want us to get intimate, but this causes a lot of frustration, and sadly, even resentment, that the spouse is not considerate of that. And then in spite of existing challenges that you're having,

00:03:29--> 00:04:10

especially financial challenges, and so on, that another wife is brought into the home, it's like we were have we finished with our own trying to make sure we are okay, and then another spouse is brought in to only spread the money thinner and strained the relationship, then this one keeps coming up and it's overwhelming, I won't deny I am so concerned about the number of women who keep talking about extramarital affairs, that this causes a lot of problems. Of course, we know that in the relationship about infidelity, the spouse not being loyal, then the other one is to do with more time spent with family and outsiders with friends than with them than they themselves. Now if you

00:04:10--> 00:04:48

watch my video on capturing the heart of your spouse, you should be able to get tips on how to make sure your spouse doesn't fulfill some of their needs outside that you are the one who's able to satisfy all their needs. Then this as I said, is in no particular order for some they don't even care about any of the things I've mentioned, just a few of them. So like I said before, if you have more to add, please share it with me so I can learn and share with others. If you enjoyed this episode and any others, share it with friends, then follow me on my Facebook page and Merriam lemo or you can also subscribe to my YouTube channel. Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh