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Seerah #07 – Marriage Tips
Channel: Adnan Rajeh
Series: Adnan Rajeh - Seerah
File Size: 43.35MB
Episode Transcript ©
Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate and at times crude. We are considering building a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system. No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.
Last time I arrived I, just before the prophets of Allah, Allah you it was like the salam
married Khadija, or we start talking about Khadija or the Allahu anha. It prior to that I do want to point out a
something an incident that occurred during his life, it is hard to say early age, when a well thought him took him on,
will tell him, took him on the under journeys for for business, we was teaching him how to how to buy and sell and be a merchant and be a businessman, was on one of those missions or on one of those journeys, they would come by a priest by the name of the healer, and a riot behavior. There's a lot of there's a lot difference in opinion among scholars of what actually happened that day. Actually, there's a lot of exaggeration of things that went went on. And if I when you go through all the different durations of the actual incident, you come by a few iterations that are much more simple and make much more sense. And the gist of what happened. I'm just saying this, because you may have
read this in a book and you may be wondering why this didn't come up throughout the years of his of his childhood, I used to love to sit down. And what really ended up happening is that this man who they are on their way there he has a he lives on the way so they stopped there to get some water and some food. And this mountain, this piece saw the prophets of Allah Allah Salam, and he just told them to tell him that you're your son here are who is who is this? And he told them, This is my nephew. And does he have a father No, his father passed away. So we asked if you took some information about the Prophet so I sent him he told him Allah He and Nikka say Hakuna Lucia and the
son of yours one day will mount to something. And he is going there's a story behind this, this this young individual, and when and it's kind of interesting that the Prophet SAW Selim was someone who Yeah, and even at a young age, you could see that there was something special about him, Allah you saw to sit on the level of maturity he he possessed and just his character I saw this I'm just naturally as a child was something that was noticeable.
So I talked about you can hear it, you can see here all the different preparations that I like to use that term preparations, Allah subhanaw taala prepared the prophets of Allah Hadees like we said them through a number, a number of events in his life, he had to go through a number of deaths early on in his life, he lost his dad, his mother, and then later on his grand grandfather, you have to move from one house to the other, you have to learn to be very flexible on it, he has sought to sit down and accept change that sometimes occurs at times where you're not necessarily hoping for it or it's very difficult to accept Allah salatu salam lived in the countryside for a certain period of
time, which contributed to his physical health and to the strength of his language, he got to see his mother that his mother was an extraordinary woman, someone who was very loyal and had a great set of ethics and and that affected him Alia salatu salam, as he moved on in life, he had to work from an early age, you have to work as a shepherd to take care of animals for a number of years, then you have to work as a merchant or you slept with him to learn how to deal with people, which is a very big, important skill that we all need really in our lives. He participated in the war, the war of sins, how to build for jobs, where you know, I need the one of the tribes tried to overthrow
Qureshi and take and take back Quebec, but they failed in the Prophet. So I said, I'm learned to actually defend Morocco with his, with his family. And there was a lot of there was a lot of experience that he that he gained from that. And he also participated in the Treaty of charity or holding for dual where the where the nobles of Mecca decided that they would not let anyone go go hungry and that any person who was struggling financially would need to be attached to a larger family that would help him or help them.
make ends meet. So I started going through all these experiences, he had a unique set of skills and a unique set of experiences obviously in his life, you can move forward to doing after,
as he's working with Apple Taalib he picks up a reputation from Allah, Allah, you stop yourself from being someone extremely honest, very hardworking, and amazing work ethic, Alia salatu salam, there is a lady in in Mecca, who her husband had passed away recently, and she was someone who owns her own business and had her own wealth. You see the the noble families of Mecca of Quraysh. Especially, we're talking about the families that come from Casa Eve and Caleb, which is which is the family of Croatia itself. These families. Amongst them were women who actually who are treated differently than a lot of the stories that I told you previously. And Khadija been tweeted about the Allahu anha
was actually was not was not an exception of the rule within the family. Her sister actually was also a lady who owned your own business, and she had her own place and so I thought she would sit and people will come to So the examples are actually quite widespread with amongst these families but the general doula who had a very specific reputation we will she was called a bar hero, the pure one this is prior to Islam and
She had been married twice so far in her life. She had married, she had been married twice and both her husband's and passed away. The last husband was a man called him in the bush. And this is a man who she had two children from both Hala actually three children of Hadith and Hindi and Hola. Oh, mills. So Khadija was a lady at the time when her in her late 20s and 2728. And she had children in the house, and she was looking for someone who would take care of her business for her. And she had just heard of the profits. And I didn't imagine emerging businessmen working and taking the time that she thought was safe. But traveling to Yemen and traveling to Damascus, he never actually made
it to Damascus, at least, unfortunately, for me, it'd be really nice for us people from Damascus if he actually made it there, but he never made it that far. Alia saw two salmon in his travels, which we're always upset about when we talk about it. So Allah Hadees, like you said, you just see oh, he's just a bit short of actually making it to the to the city some of the Hadees like you said him, but he built a reputation. He built a reputation for himself of being someone of an amazing working work ethic. So she was looking for someone to take on her business so that she was directed towards Mohamed Salah Salem, she she took notice of him. So you're looking to see how unique Khadija as a
person is, so Khadija wants to give him her business. But Khadija is not naive, she's actually going to call someone she doesn't know and give him all her money. And then you know, go go go and invest her money in someone she doesn't know. So she actually sends the prophets I send them on two to three trials, he actually sends them and send someone with him to observe him and then come and report back to her. The Allahu anha. So this person would tell her how most of Allah Allah, he was actually functioning on the road and what type of a person he is and and how knowledgeable is he of the market and what type of work ethic does he have. So he she said with him, someone called me
Surah, a man from Croatia, and Mesa, his job was just to accompany the province. Some of them he took care of them and he didn't give them him all the money, she only gave them a certain amount of her business and to see how he would manage it. Alia Salatu was Salam. Before I continue the story, let me note something he worked for a woman Alia salatu salam, okay. He works for when he was employed by a lady. She was his direct employer. She was his only employer, actually, he wasn't like there was a board of people and Khadija was one of them, you know, she owned the business and he was employed by her Alia salatu salam, and he had no problem with that whatsoever. He didn't feel that
that that harmed his his manhood or masculinity in any way or form working for Khadija Allahu Allah. And he did that you'll see he's gonna do that for a number of years. So he goes on these trips. And Mesa would come back and talk to Khadija for that you would ask Mason about the Prophet sallallahu Sallam and Mesa would say things Yeah cool. Well Allah He Wallahi now A to A had an idea Berman who I've never seen anyone as peculiar as this man. Mara ha ha ha done. Yesterday people tabula who what are your Nammo Kamala, who are who I never saw anyone who would wake up earlier than him or asleep after him.
He is someone who always he was always the first person to wake up last minute to go to sleep. And he would always finish your business before he actually reached the destination meaning he was sell all the merchandise and make the money make the profit before he even reached the market. He was going to slice over Allah He maca Diva Cup.
and I swear to you, he never lied once. And he never deceived anyone wants. And this is of course a very weird thing. Because people are buying and selling. They're always trying to rip you off. It's just the nature of things. Especially if you're going back to where I come from. Or if you come to please come and visit me in Damascus, I'll take you down silicon high media. And I will stand there and laugh at you and enjoy how they will completely rip you off. And they'll tell you things and you'll actually walk out thinking you have got a bargain. And you will do so it just how things were it's not a good thing. Obviously it's not something good. But this is how the market works
everyone's trying to make the other you saw to Saddam was the type of businessman, the type of merchant who never who never participated in these things. He is someone who was extremely honest, never lied, never deceived anyone and he still managed to make a profit and make money and finish his work early. He just had a very unique work ethic Gallagher salatu salam. And then Mesa would add with Allah He looked at men who have a job I have something else I saw from him. That was very weird. The whole amount of aid what is it?
Cool Hala foo who omen for Carlu a toxin mobility when it was once he was buying and selling so someone who was buying something from him I asked him, will you swear that this is correct swear by the alert when the result was or two idols that existed in Arabia at the time that they worshipped for Carlos and I said and he answered, this man, ma either to whom heterodoxy maybe him I've never worshipped Him or believed that they had any effect for me to ever take an oath by them.
So many still is still in Khadija. Why is he telling Khadija that specifically because that's something that's not that. Why would you put that
Why do you think?
Exactly because Khadija is the same, because Khadija was the same, Khadija did not believe in idols at all. A DJ was also honey Thea, a lady. Why? Because you'll see why very soon when we talk about what are COVID Nofal. Very well come by very soon. So she was like him, he also didn't believe in idols. So the fact that the prophets I send them was like that meant something because my son was telling oh, by the way, he's like you. He doesn't believe in all this stuff that other people believe in? Yes.
He's like from the time of Ibrahim and nominees to talk to
you have it one way or the other hand you with not so many words, you got it? Right.
So who is Khadija Hadees? Yeah, her name is Khadija been to Hawaii lead. They've been accepted. Even Abdullah Rosa had been in Killam. So she comes from a part of the family of saving Caleb, that is small. So we'll say even Caleb the one who actually put together a coalition they call him coalition asado, the one who actually held onto my team removed all the other tribes and he made sure that it was run by by his family or the families of fear. He had a few sons, he had ibid Minerve, he had Abba Chiemsee at the door. And these children ended up having a lot of other children and they became a strong tribes. And all three tribes became very big became very competitive amongst each
other of who was going to do what for the Kaaba, who was going to take care of the judge in what ways, but he also had two other children that were much weaker, and didn't have a lot of children. And one of them is
only had one son at the time, if he didn't have many sons, you didn't end up being able to have strength, and you wouldn't compete on the things on the social and financial fronts that tribes will compete on. So those that didn't have many children who only had acid and acid had a bunch of a few kids, one of them who waited, who had of course, Khadija so Khadija came from a family that wasn't interested in competing it wasn't interested in all the all the social status or the financial status, but they were wealthy, they worked they had a business. So honey gelato, Anna came from a family that didn't have alliances, problems. So they weren't allied against Benny Hashem or withmany
Hashem, they were kind of neutral somewhere in the middle, which made it easier easier for her to approach the prophets of Allah Hadees let me send them now. What happened was Khadija as she's been hearing all these stories about him Allah you saw to Islam from Mesa, she starts telling her, her friends, I employed this, this young man, and he does this and he's like this and he speaks like this, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam and another Hadith that we have said Kwinana oh do
Latina financial Panama to Lana. I know what Mesa many will come back after a long trip and Khadija would have food prepared for me in Mesa to eat you will talk about the fact that she was very generous and kind to him. But how do you know the low Anna took notice of the prophets of Allah Hafiz Abu Salim, and she would speak of him a lot to Nafisa, her friendliness if he served and bentonia Sunni, so she's, she's telling
us all about Mohammed zis and Muhammad, Muhammad this and Muhammad that. So now if he's just sitting there listening for Carla, there's oh, gee, you like him so much. You might as well marry him.
For college? Oh, yeah. Do you think he would be okay with that?
Got it, as I do like to ask for you if you want. So the feature is going to fix this all up just lucky. There's always a lady like that somewhere, right? Fixing everyone up and taking care of these things. So Nafisa would go to the prophets of Allah Hadees line musandam, he's been around 2526
But the cannula who Yeah, Mohammed Mara Kala, Tessa wedge. What's wrong with you? Why don't you get married Falcone woman? Yes. So what you need one after you will marry me and I don't have much money. Again, let me just talk for a moment. Why didn't you have much money on him? He's a businessman. He's been working since he was eight. You would think maybe he you know, put some money together? Yeah, some wealth somewhere. Right. Where is he? Where are you spending his money? He doesn't have any bad habits. He doesn't gamble or your son suddenly doesn't drink? He doesn't? Where is he spending his money? You see this? This is something you'll figure out very soon as you go
through his life Alia Sato. Salaam? Yes, go ahead.
Yes, so usually a lot of most of his wealth, he uses it to help those around him out he saw to Islam. This is something way before he became the Prophet. When he made wells, he distributed. He brought out even at the time to his home before he was married. He was taken care of Ali, who is just out of loyalty to authority who took care of him when he was a kid. He took care of it just out of loyalty before he got married. So his wealth he made he would spend it on others. He never really kept a lot of money around and to get married. As you know, unfortunately, you need a certain amount of money you obviously back then not as much as you need today, but you still needed something. He
didn't really own that much value. So his father didn't leave him a big inheritance or anything. But God do many things on our journey or in Africa for Carla Tunisia. Why don't you try Khadija
Why would she be okay with that? So if he's a smart football, like I have to ask for you.
He's not going to say Oh,
notice she's totally asking about you. She didn't know why because that's how it's done. Because maintaining the integrity of the lady during marriage is extremely important. There's nothing wrong with Khadija initiating this relationship. Khadija initiated this relationship. He didn't do the hook but Alia Southwestern, we didn't actually go and ask what he was asked for by her. But it was done in a way where her integrity and her honor were maintained and sustained. It wasn't going to be put in the fact that oh, she's head over heels over you. And he gets to come in. But no, that's not always going to happen. But it's okay for the lady to initiate this. That's how he got married to a
sternum. If he got married that way, I don't understand why others can do the same. And if Khadija Allah who I know who was called the pure one prior to being a Muslim, aside from the fact she's the first Muslim that we have on record, and she is someone who know he says out of your salatu salam Hi, I'm Lisa Marie and we're gonna team Ron Well, how you know, when he sat Yeah, Khadija to been to Hawaii did the best of all women that ever lived our millennium and the best of all, when they're living Khadija, that is the status of Khadija, and yet she's the one who initiated that relationship with the prophets of Allah salah, but she didn't respectfully she held on to her integrity when in
the process, he didn't seem that she was she didn't seem cheap, sorry for the word. That's not how this came off, or came or came over to the Prophet. So I sent them in the way that this was approached. And a very important point here. But there's nothing wrong with that happening.
So when if he said would go and spend a few days, give me a second, go spend a few days, and for no reason because Candida is already okay with this. And just let the prophets I said it made me think and worry and wait and be it be in a bit of a fuss. And then she would come back to him and say, if it just says, yeah, she she's okay with it, she'll, she'll take you.
So he would carry in Brittany bring Obatala and they would go and they would end up we'll call it will be there for the NECA have the prophets of Allah, Allah wa salam, and they will get married.
It's a really important story in Sierra, it really is, it's probably one of the most important how their relationship actually came to be. The fact that they were they had a professional relationship prior to getting married, and they kept it professional for the whole time. It wasn't like they had something happening behind behind closed doors, or behind the scenes. And they knew this was gonna happen. No, she didn't know if he was interested. He didn't know she was interested, even both of them were because when you deal with the opposite gender, you deal professionally.
Whether you're a student and their teacher, or the opposite, or your colleagues at work, or your classmates in a classroom, you have to deal with the opposite gender professionally, professionally means you show respect, and you don't play around, and there's no flirting involved. And this is something that's important. My younger brothers and sisters, you have to understand how this works. You are entitled and my rant is coming. Don't worry, we're gonna talk about marriage in a moment. And even you're entitled to to ask for halal, but in the meantime, you're also held accountable. You're required to observe the boundaries of relationships. They worked together for many years, and
they were completely professional. And if it wasn't for the Yanni, this is a HELOC hidden ifisa Take it fixing this up, it wouldn't have happened. She had to set it up for them to actually I need to take this step to get married Salalah. Hardy, early you're so happy you're setting them.
There's a very common mistake that we think Anita was 14 when she got married. Correct? How many people have heard that in the past? Okay, good. That is that is very incorrect, historically isn't correct. And it doesn't work at all. There's three to four different shoe. Well, actually an ornamental it took time to break down the timeline of when she was born. And she it's impossible for her to be 40 At that age, how old was she she was late 20s. She was older than him Ali who Salatu was Salam. She was older than the Prophet Elise towards them by a couple of years, but she was still in her 20s, maybe early 30s. But she definitely was not 40 Because they're gonna get married and
have six children after 40 That's something unheard of, at least at the time. And there'll be Allahu Allah, just based on the timeline when she was born, how old her father was, it's impossible that she was 40. When she got married, she was maybe a few years older. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam married a lady a few years older than him. So Allah Azza wa sallam, again, you feel like in his marriage, he breaks every single any stereotype and every norm that we have all the norms that were used to the man has to initiate Nope, he's not going to the man who marries a lady who's 15 years younger than him. Nope, he's not gonna do that either.
He's going to she's going to have he's going to be of course, the one who has more money. Nope, she's going to be way wealthier than he is for the rest of their lives, by the way. But the question is who's actually going to spend money on the household Who's In Who's in charge of the financial well being of the house he is Alia salat wa salam, her money is her money. She doesn't have to use any of her money in either and she didn't, to actually take care of the household. She would use his own wealth.
But then later, when he's asked about her, one of the things he says about Khadija clothes will certainly be Maliha it Harmonia nurse and at certain times when I needed wealth, and I didn't have money, and I needed support. She supported me with her wealth. He saw that
Something that was extremely generous and amazing that he she did well the Allahu Allah for him so Allah Hadees I'm using them because he didn't have to, because Islamically they don't have to. If they work, they don't the money that they make is their own. If you've agreed with your wife that the money you owe you put all the money in one place that she actually is doing something extra for you. She doesn't have to You're the one meant you take care of the household financial is your job is not their job. It's not theirs. And Honey, your little one her money was hers the profit even though he didn't make didn't have a lot, but he took care of the household. He spent the money on
the house. And sometimes you'll see later on he's gonna come moments where he needs her support as he's a Prophet when he becomes a prophet. You'll need support financial support, and she will offer him the Allahu Allah and Allah you start to assemble continue to remind her people that she was generous with me, she gave me her wealth, you didn't have to sit Allah, Allah you. You said, Let's go forward.
Yes. So a couple of points up here.
And I've talked about this a number of times before. And I warned you last time I talked to you that there was going to be a ramp this time. And I told you, you didn't want to come for it don't come because I'm going to rant about marriage for a bit. But everyone showed up. So apparently you want to listen to this.
I didn't grow up here. I didn't grew up in this country. I grew up elsewhere.
When I came here a couple of years ago, and I was introduced to the way high schools function and universities functions. I went and did Halaqaat. And the MSA is for both University and high schools.
And I saw what these young people are up against. I didn't know how to deal with it. I literally started to ask questions that, you know, sounded weird to people. How is how is everyone functioning in this type of society, with it with the ethical norm being as it is? How do people actually hold on to their chastity in this community, in this in this country, I don't understand how this works. And I feel like it's a big deal that many of our most of our Muslim brothers and sisters, at least those who are here are actually holding on to this, but a lot of them aren't and they're struggling with it. And the reason for that is that we know that Haram is easy, yet we have not taken steps to
make it easy either. It shouldn't be easier. But if it can't be easier than at least has to be similarly easy. Or we have to actually at least take off some of the obstacles in front of people who want to get married.
I mean, the way marriage ran for the last in the last maybe 4050 years, it's not sustainable, this doesn't work anymore, this idea that they have to be in their late 20s. And they have to have a certain amount of money in the 9010 to $100,000 to actually get married. And all these all these Yani limitations that come from parents and come from the actual youth, whether male or female, this has to be reconsidered and rethought again, this is the way things are running right now is not is not right. I got married, I was 26. And I lived in Syria at the time, I lived in the suburbs of Damascus. It's a very simple place. Everyone worked a job when everyone knew everyone, you couldn't
make a mistake, because everyone would know immediately. It's everyone, it was just a small village of the same last name.
The way things function here very different. What do we expect? Really? How can we how can we sit around and watch? How can you turn a blind eye to the difficulties that our youth are having in schools and in universities, and I'd like it doesn't mean anything. And then wonder why you and your communities aren't aren't aren't doing the right thing. And our youth aren't interested in Islam. And they're not what obviously, it's obvious why this is the problem. Because we haven't taken the right steps. There are five elements of maturity that are needed to get married. Yeah, five things you have to have. You have to be mature physically, unfortunately, that's the first thing to happen.
Unfortunately, here's the first thing that happens, you mature physically, then you have to mature socially. So you have to have your own name, you have to be able to present yourself, you have to know people, you have to have some status in your society, you have to have financial maturity, you have to have some money, you have to be able to manage money, you have to have a job, you have to have religious maturity and you have to know your deen properly because if you don't practice your name, you know your deen, no one's going to want to take you as a me you have to have psychological maturity, you have to be able to carry the responsibilities of marriage, that understand that
marriage is a difficult thing to sustain and maintain. It's not easy. It's not easy at the beginning, it's fun enjoying at the beginning when you're when you're engaged in alpha. But later on, it takes effort from both sides to actually hold on to the marriage and isn't an important part of your unit. Now you're a family you're gonna have kids, you know, this is this is something that's worth holding on to and it's not going to happen naturally. You kind of give up in the first fight or the first problem got to figure out ways to compromise you have to have
another issue with his social guy. I put something there maybe some the second one I'll talk about in a second. Do my young younger sisters and brothers here understand the difference between love and lust or do they not know the difference between the two? Everything you've ever seen on a movie? romantic mood anything every single romantic movie you've ever
first scene might think in your mind, if you've seen romantic movies most of you have, don't lie and act like you're having them only when everyone's watched romantic movies here, I'm not the only person here, everyone has done it. Every single movie, you watch the moment they use the word love, it's lust. They just don't want to say it. So they say you love they just take their word less than they put the word love. Take every single romantic movie, and every time they say the word love, take it out and put the word lust and then you have the truth, then you have the actual truth. Love is something different. Love comes from proper treatments, from taking care of the person in front
of you being loyal from being kind from being patient for persevering through difficult eight. That's what love is. Your parents love you, because they took care of you for a very, very long time you love them, because because they did that for you. It's not the same type of love you'll have with your spouse. But the same basic principles of love apply what you see on the move what you see in movies, you see it, that's called lust. That's just chemistry. That is something that happened you It's literally impossible for two people to fall in love at the first sight that whole the whole theory is flawed, because it goes against the definition of love. Love can't doesn't happen like
that. Love takes time. It takes time to build it. You want to love Allah subhanaw taala you have to learn about him. You have to speak about Allah and to Allah and to actually build that relationship. You want to love the provenance. I tell him it takes time as well. You need to love your parents and your siblings. It's a matter of time.
No, I looked at her from China, we felt that no, we didn't fall in love. You fell in lust. It's fine. It's, it's not a problem. You need lust for marriage to work. Without lust, marriage won't work. But to actually call Love, Lust and lust like this a problem is not the same thing. They don't function the same way.
If someone said no, I married my husband out of love.
I have a problem without word terminology. Unless you knew this person for a very, very long time prior then you're probably wrong. This probably wasn't love. This is probably something imagine some imagination you had in your mind. Sometimes we imagined people to be a certain way. And we fall in love with the image we've made of them. That's not what love is actually. That's why learning the prophets, like Selim story here is very important. All romantic movies, when do they end?
When do they end? When is the moment the end?
Someone tells me all most romantic movies are all the end at the same basic spot when? No when the two people get married, right? That's how the movie ends. We're standing there, they're getting married, you're happy? Do you want to show me love show me how they're functioning 15 years later, and then tell me their love. 15 years later is if there's a lawsuit and they're divorcing, one person's in jail and the kids are between the parents. Why? Because Because that's not love. Love is not what doesn't end marriage. It begins marriages. When you start this, you begin your process of building love at that moment. But then oh the end it for you right there. Because that because
because it sells. Listen to me. Because sorry, last sells, Sex sells. It sells it makes money. So make movies instead of people telling people this is lust, take all this put love. And if they buy it, then you can sell a lot of movies this way, become very famous and make money. And you can destroy the mentality of a complete generation of human beings. If you don't know the difference anymore. You don't know the difference between love and lust and you don't know which Which one means something which one is just a chemical reaction, just some just chemistry happening inside of you. It does change with time and matures. This is not to say that marriage is boring. It's not.
Marriage is a beautiful thing. And if you know how to actually manage yourself, and if you know how to navigate through marriage is a beautiful and wonderful thing. If things just change. It's not what you think it is.
Move forward to the slide after all right? Marriage, you have to be comfortable with leadership. If you're not comfortable with leadership, you can't you can't get married. You see, it's just like any other functioning system in the world marriage, this this union, this family unit and it needs leadership. Leadership does not mean dictatorship. I know we're Arabs. And that's how it sounds. But that's not how it is. Please let's let's change the terminology here. dictatorship is a different thing. Leadership is a beautiful thing. Regardless of who's leading the family. Most traditionally, the men are leaders in their families. But it can be that a lady is a leader and is fine either way,
we have examples in the Sierra of both type of families functioning fine leadership means that they're that we don't give up when we disagree. That's what it means that we're not going to give up on this union and throw our marriage away and throw our family because we don't agree on a specific points. There has to be trust. Okay, we disagreed. Your leading I'm going to put my trust in you even though I don't agree with you and move behind you and move with you and support you.
If that doesn't happen, marriages falter because most marriages fall to pieces because of that, because we disagree. I'll do one thing she'll do the other. She wants support me I won't support support her and then everything comes crashing. It all crashes. You have to be very comfortable with the concept of Lee
Leadership in order for you to actually enjoy and be able to function within a marriage. The second point, this is a very Islamic point. It's called Social adequacy or social compatibility. It's called an air if you study books, it's called Kapha Kapha. Meaning there has you look for people who come from similar social and ethnic backgrounds, you look for someone who has similar norms, similar traditions as you, in order for marriage to be something you can actually function in. I'll give you an example. That's very important in the Sierra, that we have two people in the Sierra who are seen Islamically as some of the best human beings to ever live within Islam on both genders. We have
Zaid, him and Hadith I'm going to talk about in a few minutes. The problem is that I send them love them to the point that the Sahaba will say the only reason that we're back at it because they passed away, because we would have given him because he, he loved him way more than anyone else. And Xena
to Joshua de la Juana and Cora Shia zeyneb, was from Croatia. And she's only macmini The Prophet Sam would later Later marry her. And she's wonderful Mahajan, among many other mothers of believers, you can say nothing negative about this person no matter what. And she's actually one of the best Muslims ever lived. These two people got married and they got divorced because of social adequacy and social compatibility. Zaid was someone from a background of simplicity a simple background, wasn't interested in the noble families wasn't interested in attending any of these meetings, he came from a very simple background, he lived in small houses and you'd like to sit on the floor. Is
that enough came from a different background. She is one of the Dutch polish. She's one of the noble families of Croatia is used to something very different. The expectations of life for both of them were different. Does that mean he was good? And she was bad? No. Does it mean the opposite? No, it just means there was no social compatibility here. So they had to go on their separate ways. I believe this story exists in the Sierra so that we can learn from it. It had to exist in the seat of the prophets. I said, it's a lesson for us. When your father for you as a young man, or for you, as a young lady tells you this person is not someone that's going to Yeah, I don't think is the right
spouse for you. Listen, what they're looking at, they're looking at this. You're looking at everything else. You look at the way they look on the outside what they can do for you how they speak to you what they studied, but they're looking at social compatibility.
Trust your parents, when they give you this advice, because they know what they're talking about. The father, his job is when someone comes and asked for his daughter's hand is to look at this person and judge whether this person will take care of his daughter the way she's been taking care of most of her life. So she's not miserable in her husband's house later. And she's not hating her life, because he finds out the expectations of both people of herself and her husband are so different that you cannot find happiness.
You we need to raise our children to understand these concepts at a young age. Kids have to learn the words I'm using and the ideas I am seeing. At a young age, there's nothing embarrassing about this, it shouldn't be something you wait until they're 20 or 19, or 18. To talk about, talk to them about this early. Social compatibility also means that you look for someone from a from a good family, from a good background, someone who has a similar background to you, practicing Muslims who are who are pious and have great caliber, you look for people like that so that you're so that you're gonna you, your family, your children will have family on both sides that are that are
extraordinary and good and will teach them the right ethics and the right, the right morals.
We're at a point right now in our society and our community where this issue has to be addressed. Yeah, and you directly. I am telling you as a mother and a father, if you have children, if you have Jani, your kids, your kids are at the age of marriage.
And you say What's the age of marriage to me? We I need them once they're over 20 is the age of marriage for them?
Yeah, see, most people start knowing you know, like that. But that's, that's that's how it's supposed to be. I think I think I could even go a bit earlier. But we're not ready yet. But once they hit the age of 20, you have to start talking about marriage, talking about the concept of marriage, what to look for what to think about and start helping them preparing them so they can get married. The number of Muslim youth that we have in this in this community that are not married yet. And I have no good reason for it. I don't understand why they're from they're from very nice families. They're very nice people. They're practicing Muslims, but marriage isn't happening.
Because their expectations from both the Father the the male's family and the females family that are unreasonable.
And there's a lot of expectations from the young Muslims here that are unreasonable as well. If you want a story that you've seen on a romantic movie, I'm sorry. If that's if that's what you're looking for. You want to fall madly in love
it before you get married and that's how you want to do things. I it's a big risk that you're taking. That's usually not how it works, and it's usually not real. It really is not real.
If there's anything to learn from from the human experience is that this all
other Hollywood marriages that are omitted the story is the man How did they end their end and they they're disgusting now that how this ends. And on the other hand, you look at other marriages much more simple. The way people came together was simple. But they're married for 50 6070 years, and they have kids and they're happy and they're functioning. Let's talk about that the what keeps a marriage together are different things. It's a certain level of maturity that both that both that both spouses have, and the proper expectations of life that they need to have.
Make Haida an easy, because Haram is really, really easy today. Make it easy. Start talking to our kids about this, start listening to them. Start preparing them psychologically, preparing them religiously, helped them prepare socially and financially, because they are maturing physically 1015 years before this is happening 1015 years. And that's that's not that's not compatible with with a functioning society, it really isn't.
The last thing I'll talk about quickly, I'll leave it for a different time. Just understanding the rights and obligations within marriage. This is by far the question I get the most from people who are just getting either one. They're looking to get married, or they just cut up GitHub or they do whatever. And now they're, they're engaged. And they start asking me, What do I just You owe me? Or what does he owe me? And then I tell them, and they stop talking to me completely? The moment they ask you the question that says I'm not sure what they want to talk to they look for someone else, because the answer wasn't what they were looking for knowing what you're actually what your rights
are in marriage, or what your obligations are understanding that it's very little, very simple things that you're asked to do. Your obligations, are you understanding what the provenance I said of them gave you as it will see you as a man or as a woman, and understanding what he what he expects, if you want to use solid wisdom with the rights actually are very important, very important information to have prior to getting into marriage.
Again, before we move on,
before we talk, we tell the beautiful story of the Prophet. So I said it was marriage, this is something that we need to start fixing. I don't know how my daughter is only a year and seven months old. So I think I have some time to worry about this. But many of you don't. And I'm watching it and looking at it every day. And it's only getting worse. And we're not achieving the right we're not we're not getting anywhere, we're still we still have the standards that are that are unreasonable, we're still asking for something that can't be done. And our poor youth are completely lost. And they don't know what to think and how to understand things and how to look at marriage and how to
how to go by it and what's okay, what's not okay. And we have to start talking about this a bit more openly and a bit more. I don't know. Bravely or courageously, I guess, go move on to the one after each other. So these are the these are the facts of his marriage Alia salatu salam, he was married to her 25 years, Ali Assad was 25 years they had six children together. Two of those kids died while they were together, or you start to assemble the Allahu Anhu. Losing one child in a marriage can almost destroy it losing two, and they weren't lost at birth. They live to be four or five or six years old. It will cost him and Abdullah both both of them male at the time that hurt hurt even
more. Because there was strength in it from a trivial perspective, losing two of their children during their like 25 years of marriage you think. And then when you look at the actual fact he continued to love her someplace and then 15 years after she passed away. He will continue to speak of her out of your soul to Islam to the point where I was saying Malaga to Mina Hudson Mandisa, Rasulillah elaborate and fedora to rob Coppola and Coolidge. The only person that I ever actually was jealous of of all his wives was not the ones who were living during my time was someone who had died before I even knew the prophets that I see them
Khadija or foreigner Khadija, Dorothy
Khadija every time food came in, he would say Khadija did this Panini used to cook it like this. I'm going to send some to the family of Khadija, this friends of Khadija and how she would get upset the Hulu Wallah halacha Abdelhak Allahu ala minha Why do you keep talking about her? That the hunter thornham Allah you should clean if you are talking about someone who wasn't very pretty and she and she's, she's dead now and you have a better wife than her? For a second dose of Allah Allah you send them Moldovan and he would and he would silence it go silence for a few moments in you could see she could see that she upset him to qualify it for me I would have to I know that I upset him first good
for you who love Allah He might have done any Allahu ala minha No, I never have I never been with anyone better than her. Don't Maya who do
not need Harmonia nurse was the cockney is Catalonian nurse to be
a nurse. What can an even help? Well, you don't know what she did for me. You don't know what she did for me in my life. She stood by me when no one else did. She believed in me when no one else did. She gave me her money when no one else did.
I had children with you don't know what it was like.
Once he was sitting or you saw just down in the house, and he heard footsteps coming towards the door. Now, if you as a child, you always knew who was walking in the house, especially if you're doing something wrong in your room. If I was doing something wrong in my room, I knew who was walking. I knew my mother's way of walking into my dad's big walk it was her mother. I would continue with my dad I would immediately you know clean things up and sit up like I was studying. So you know just based on the footsteps, you know, who's kind of walking around and it was something new so
I'm gonna different you also knew that as well. So the prophets like Selim had memorized the way Khadija would walk, and then whatever siblings came by,
and he heard someone walking down, coming towards the door, and he heard the footsteps of Khadija Abdullah who I know. So Ali saw this, I remembered her. And he said of a cadet Allahumma Allah, Oh Allah make make that highlight municode Khadija sister, me that'd be harder, because it can't be Khadija. She passed away but maybe her sister for Alba albergue it's hard at the door and he gets even more upset. But that's what happened.
Once he stopped in Armenia, so to see them and told them take a break, he would go and he would sit maybe a cup a kilometer away, they would follow him and find him sitting with three old ladies in their 70s and he's sitting there and he was very happy. He is smiling and laughing. And when he is done, he sends them on their way he comes back to the ASEAN macro that does not only rasool Allah are you doing but going to who had this one? And Allah Ya mille Jamila uh, yeah, masa deja, he was sitting and talking about the good old days the days of Khadija. They're the Friends of Qatar used to they used to visit us during the days of Khadija they were there. They remind me of the time of
Khadija Allah Juana
I can say this, I wrote it, I'm going to say it as well. I don't think things would have been the same without her really low and
I believe it's Allah's destiny that he sent to the Prophet sallallahu Sallam Khadija to be there, I don't think he would have functioned the same way without her the low I know, I think Allah Subhan Allah chose Khadija for him. Some Allah hottie was so happy to be there for him during his life, to play the role that no one else could have played. And we're going to see how intricate and important that role is, as we go along in this era, I need to take a break because my I can't, I need to bring some water and take a break, we only have a few more minutes till the end of the Holika. Just move forward. If you don't mind to the point after this, we will be talking about financial loss as we go
along. It's not something that ends with today's Holika, obviously, but I wanted to take the opportunity to talk about marriage a little bit. This is a problem in our society.
Don't be bothered by the fact that I keep on saying that, because that is the truth. And we need to fix this, I can't do this alone, I don't even know where to begin.
I really don't. But if those of you who can think of how we can fix this, then start coming up with plans champion this. Today I gave a hotline, my point was in it that we need people to champion problems, you need to look into something that you find that is of interest for you, and then start figuring out how to fix it. Don't come and give me an idea. All right. I have an abundance of ideas from myself or from the community, I believe there's a lot of ideas, very few people who are willing, who are willing to execute any of them. There are very few people who are willing to champion any of these ideas. We need people who will take time out of their lives, and focus on a
problem that needs to be solved and to start solving it. Especially if it affects you. And this is something that is very pressing. And I need I feel it's gonna come from the older generation. I need the grandfather generation because they know more than anyone the the reality and the truth of what marriage looks like and what needs to be. I'm gonna give you a quick
spoiler for next week. And before before we end this,
we're going to talk about a part of his life. How do you start to focus on his humanity, allow yourself to swim prior to being a prophet, this, this actual example this story is going to show you what type of person he was before he was a prophet or you saw them so you never question that ever again, knowing that this is the type of person he was all his life on a solid Western and the story is going to come in the form of the incident of Zaytoven had been hired. Now to give you a background Zaid had been harissa was was from a very known tribe in Arabia that lived in the northern parts of Arabia, and his mother and his aunt's took the children out for a picnic one day,
and they were rated by some of the hooligans of the land. Some of the people who are Jani who would take slaves, and they took a bunch of these children. Some of them were retrieved most of them weren't amongst those who were not retrieved that day was Zaid, they it was only maybe five or six years old. The day he was taken away from his mother and father it'll be a low one home. Now what I want you to think about until next week, is could you imagine a more a horrible thing to happen to a child as a as a father and a mother? That is your worst nightmare ever? The thing that will wake you up at night and give you shivers up your spine is imagining that last summer Hala you lose a child
of your one of your children
no Zaid was taken away from his from his parents and he was turned into a slave but he was sold in the slave market and somehow he was sold to a man by the name of Abdullah had been Japan who later gave him as a gift to a man by the name of Hakeem had been his arm it had been
who knows even who even coined it, right? No, you understand hockey
even present even Hawaii did who was the nephew of Khadija who when she got married, decided he wanted to give her a gift. So we gave her this young boy who was seven or eight years old. Khadija in return when she was given his aid, she gave him as a gift to whom He will soon Allah and Allah on his right so that's this is what's happening to disait in his lifetime. And he would grow up with the prophets of Allah Allah wa salam for the next number of years.
His father will never stop looking for him. His mouth his mother would never stop looking for him. His father would say poetry that would make it as far as the land was was wide and I put up the for those who vacay to honors Eden when I'm editing my file Hey Yun for y'all Jaya Um hello doing a hula gel for Allah Hema Aditi when Nila sir Ilan, a viola kabaddi, Sir Hello, Hola, Cal Jabril. He's just saying I cry for his aid. And I don't know what happened to him. Is he alive? Or has he passed away? I say these words and I'm asking you the question are you in? In which mountain? Are you sad or when? Which Valley are you USAID? And he goes on to say some very, very moving poetry that became
famous because it was so sentimental and emotional. Of course, I need people don't know.
And the destiny was that his father would find out somehow that Zaid was in Makkah, and he was he lived by we lived with a man by the name of Muhammad and he was one of the grandchildren of Abdul Muttalib. Now his father had his or Hadith immediately said to himself, well, if he's a grandchild of abnormal thallium, that means he must be an excellent person, person, we have a good chance of getting this kid back. So he gathered as much money as he possibly could. And he went down to Mecca from the northern parts of Arabia, it with the intention and the hope that inshallah he can, he can retrieve his son back from the prophets. I send them what happens I will tell you Inshallah, next
week, I will be here next week, and we'll continue on next week's apocalyptic Shinola Hill and TestoFuel go to bootleg