Arranged Marriage vs Love Marriage

There is a huge debate amongst people

as to

whether arranged marriages are better or

love marriages are better?

The answer to that is not simple, but

it definitely plays a role

in determining how

this relationship is going to progress.

When we say arranged marriage, what exactly do

you mean? If you mean that you have

no say as a female or as a

male And your parents just decide this is

the person you're getting married to and you

wait for them to come. And on the

day you everything is confirmed, the nikah is

done, and suddenly you see your spouse. In

that case, we will tell you from a

religious perspective, it is wrong.

It is wrong. It doesn't work that way.

But if you are saying an arranged

introduction

whereby the parents say, you know what my

son? You're ready to get married. I'd like

to introduce you to such and such a

person. Or one of my friends has

a daughter and I'd like you to meet

this person.

That's called an arranged introduction. And I'd like

to think in the case of a lot

of us,

that still applies.

In fact, it's not a bad way of

doing things. It's probably

considered more durable

for the marriage

when there is an arranged introduction.

Once you're introduced,

you meet, you must meet. You speak, you

must speak. And not just once,

until you are satisfied.

This is the person. Yes. I was introduced

by my father to a family who has

a son for example or a daughter. And

I met them once and twice and thrice.

And I found them to be absolutely amazing.

Insha Allah, we're getting married. And you find

how could you get married in such an

arranged system? I tell you that's not wrong

because the meaning of the term arranged marriage

differs from situation to situation.

In this case it was an arranged introduction.

You have the right to decline.

My beloved parents here,

if your child has declined

someone, please support them. Stand up for them

and don't shove it down their throats. It's

not you getting married, it's them getting married.

You might want to ask them, oh but

why? They might give you a reason. The

reason might be strong, it might not be

strong.

But at the same time,

if you are going to shove it down

their throats, how do you expect there not

to be family problems that you cannot resolve?

They come to you 30 years later and

say, I never ever wanted to marry you,

my father forced me.

You go back to the father and grip

him and say, look what did you do

man? Subhanallah.

That's

what one would like to do

because it was criminal to force.

So my brothers and sisters,

then when it comes to what is known

as the love marriages of today,

The pros and cons of it. We need

to realize

it's easy to be fooled. So very early

in that relation you better introduce some of

your family members to this individual so that

they're able to guide you as to what

they may notice because the eye of love

does not notice the flaws

initially.

That initially is extremely important. The minute you

get married, you start noticing all the flaws,

masha Allah.

But I knew you for 8 years. Someone

says, I went out with this guy for

8 years. Oh, you should have got married

after the first 8 minutes, by the way.

But I went out with this guy for

8 years. Everything happened. And so now when

I got married, we just can't get along.

Well, I tell you what, I'm a believer.

I can tell you that the 1st 8

years, shaitan was just beautifying yourselves to each

other. The minute you did the right thing,

he did the opposite.

That's why it's important.

If you have met someone, my beloved elders

who are a little bit older perhaps,

Listen carefully to what I'm saying because some

of us don't want to admit reality, and

we don't want to do the right thing.

If your child comes up to you

and says to you

that I have come across someone, be it

at work, Be it at the university. Be

it somewhere. It's not something I encouraged. It

happened. They went out.

Our children have eyes. They have ears. They

come across people. They see things.

Let them be so close to you as

a child that they will immediately tell you,

today I met someone and do you know

what?

I really feel that you need to help

me because it's a potential

spouse. I ask you a question, my beloved

parents.

Do you think your children would have the

guts to come to you and say that?

If the answer is no, please we're living

in a century and in an age where

you need to have a relationship where they

can come up to you and tell you

exactly that. And how you react shouldn't be

an outburst.

I've already promised you to

my sister's children. Relax. Relax.

You You promised who? By the way, who

is getting married here? Is it you or

me? That's the question.

May Allah grant us ease. So you must

be open

to embracing what has come because it's not

prohibited.

If it was totally prohibited we would tell

you no. But culturally

we feel like we don't want to do

this simply because the shackles of culture have

not yet left us. And cultures are brilliant.

They are good. However, there are some parts

of it that require,

if I can term it renovation.

That's why we face so many family problems

because our children cannot communicate with us. You

love them. Talk to them. Let them come

and tell you the most absurd

thing ever.

Don't

as a result of what they've just said.

as a result of what they've just said.