Adnan Rajeh – Issues of Marriage #13
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses a disturbing observation made by a man who is busy and unable to play with loved ones. They emphasize the importance of being playful with one's life and the need to show character in a relationship. The speaker also touches on the use of Tulle Filosot's "hasan" meaning to show character and emphasize the importance of showing character in a relationship.AI: Transcript ©
That is the night collection of Ibn Abu
Dawood and his Sunan, and it's straight to
us by Aisha w Mimi with the authentic
generation. And
the issue is still the topic of issues
of marriage probably this week, and I'm gonna
go I'll conclude it next week, and then
I'll move on something different after that inshaAllah
ta'ala.
Here's a famous you know this story. You
may not know the hadith, you know the
story for sure. There's a famous story of
the Prophet 'alayhi salatu wa salam's relationship with
Aisha. And I like it. I think there's
something in it for us to reflect upon.
So, she said,
Khakkalat
So the Prophet alaihis salaam once
raised me.
Now where this exactly happened, we don't know.
We think it's on one of his journeys.
He would go on and he was salaw
alayhi wasalam,
constantly on conquests or journeys and he would
take one of his wives with him. And
once it was Aisha. So when they were
on their own, he he raced her. And
she wanted to race, so so so they
raced. So she was young, she raced, she
she won.
And then she said,
but meaning time passed by. I I became
a bit fatter than I was before. There
was meat on me.
And then this happened again, and he wanted
to race. So he raced. This time he
beat me. So he said, Yeah. Isha hardi,
this one, this win, bitilq is to make
up for the one that time that you
beat me. Now
the the beauty or the or the, the
the the the nice part of the hadith
The Prophet 'alayhi wa salatu wa salaam
Busy men
rarely have time in their lives for
aspects of joy, and fun,
and playfulness
with their close people,
with the ones who are close to them
in their lives. This is a known this
is a known phenomenon. It's not this phenomenon
is not new. Men who are busy, men
who are of high status, men who have
a lot of responsibilities
and carry and are leadership positions, blah blah
blah. They're you know, they don't have time
to be playful with their loved ones. They
don't. And this is just you can almost
ask this question across the board to a
lot of And the Prophet
being the Prophet
so being the religious leader, being the head
of Medina, being the Biblical leader, being the
head of the army, the military leader,
being a leader to the Sahaba in every
aspect of their lives, he was extremely busy
and had a lot of status out of
his salat among the people who were surrounding
him. Yet, he still had time to be
playful with his wife. And the hadith, why
I like it because it talks about
it stretches over a period of time. Like
she says that It's not like she said,
At the beginning when I first got married,
he he
raised me and then later on he refused
to do it. 20 years later,
No, she said, Farabi Islam mean time went
by and we changed and he still did
it alaihis salatu wa sallam. To me this
just shows you that it wasn't an issue
of
just an issue of lust or an issue
of early marriage. It was a mindset. It
was how he was alaihis salatu wa sallam.
He understood, he knew that in order for
a marriage to work that playfulness has to
be there. That means there has to be
a playful piece.
Yaani.
Once I was told by Yaani,
a marriage therapist, not that I went to
1, not that I went for 1, but
it was someone I was speaking to, not
that there's any shame in doing it, but
I was speaking to one to help me
with certain things that I was you know,
receiving in the community and then I finally
decided that I'm not doing this. I just
sent to him, Uhuraas. But the thing he
told me is that one of the ways
you know a marriage is healthy is that
even
when they disagree on things, they're just one
minute away of just laughing at themselves.
You know, they're just a second away of
just, you know, falling into laughter how stupid
this whole fight is and how, you know,
and if they have that peace in their
marriage, meaning even when they're disagreeing, they're still
very close just to you know, to cracking
a, you know, just cracking a smile, laughing
at the fact that they're doing this, then
inshallah they have a healthy enough relationship to
survive because they have some playfulness in it
and they still have that that humor and
that and that joy. And the prophet
said, I want to narrate something for you.
It's not a hadith.
Sorry, it's a hadith but I'm not gonna
read it fully and go into details of
it. But it's something that you hear a
lot and you and a lot of people
think is wrong. You ever heard that, Kamal
al Dinak? Ever heard that piece? So complete
the habit. So that's actually coming from a
hadith. It's narrated with Tabarani Filosot. You know,
Tabarani has 3 Ma'ajimil, kadeer, alosat, and he
erases the osat and it has a standard
hasan.
One of the authenticators of hadith.
He has a long explanation of why he
thinks it's standard Hassan, and the wording is
it,
Whoever got married, then you have half of
your faith, half of your religion, then be
mindful of Allah and the other half. And
the reason, o'ollahu alaihi, in my opinion, is
that because it forces you to show your
character. Like the part of your faith,
half of our faith is the character, how
you are. And who knows you more than
your spouse? No one does. It's what your
spouse thinks of you that really matters. I
know that sounds very difficult for everyone to
understand but it is the reality because who
knows you more than your spouse? Like I
only get the version of you that's here
for Asia. You're nice and you're smiley and
you're good, your best behavior, dressed well, everything
is good. I am doing the same thing.
Then we go home. Then we go home.
And then you know, the real you comes
out, right? So she knows the real you.
That real you is where you have to
show your real character. So if you do
that, then that's half your faith. Have your
you have your faith which is character and
dealing with people and and and and doing
taqwa of someone that you have, Yani, you
have power over. And I'm not saying that
you control your wife but you're When you're
in the house alone with your wife, you
have a lot. You can you can abuse,
you can be silent, you can be kind,
you can you can do you can do
a lot of things that can be done.
So this shows half your character which is
half your deen and I think that's important.
That's the prophet alaihis salam, Aisha talks about
him. What did she say about him? You
wanna know the prophet alaihis salam well? Now,
you wanna know him sallallahu alaihis salam well?
Let's see what Aisha said. And Aisha will
tell you how he was, alaihis salaatu wa
sallam.
He'll tell you what type of person he
was and then you'll know. Oh. This is
him. This is the real him. This is
the him after he walks in through the
door, closes the door and takes off his
gala biya.
And then that's him.
And that's why I think this hadith is
valuable. I hope that's beneficial to you.
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