Issues of Marriage #13

The hadith and I collection Imam Bukharin narrated

to us by Ibn Abbas and the topic

is still issues of marriage and this is

a really,

I wanna say it's a comical hadith, but

it but it but it's just frankly quite

funny. And there's a few there's a piece

in it that I think is really worth

reflection and and and thought

that I think we we can all benefit

from. And this is what ibn Abbas said.

He was a kid, by the way, when

when he was around the prophet alaihis salawat

wa sallam. So mind you, he narrates is

very pure. Like it's very it's kind of

unfiltered. It's uncensored. It's whatever he saw. Because

kids don't really know how to do that.

You know, how to, you know, read social

hues well. So it's just whatever he remembers

seeing.

There was a lady in Medina. Her name

was Barira

And her husband was a man who was

a slave and his name was Mori'eth.

And

at some point

is not said in the hadith but this

is known, this is why the hadith is

the whole story.

Meaning she asked

she lumkula is when a lady wants to

divorce herself from her husband and there's a

process for that and she can get it

done through the Islamic judge or through the

way she can get it done with certain

yaneeb

conditions.

She got rid of him.

I can almost see him as he ran

after her within Madinah,

calling upon her crying with tears running down

his likhya.

Sorry.

Begging her to take him back.

So when Abbas is hearing the Prophet

speak to his father.

Is it not fascinating? How much Morif loves

Barira, and how much Barira hates Morif,

and she just does not want to see

him and he's

Faqal alaihi salatu wa salam.

Why don't you take him back?

He sees Bariyarat walking and he says, Yeah

Bariyarat, I like to Raji Aina. Why don't

you take him back?

Is this a command?

He said, No, I'm just, you know, interceding

on his behalf.

I don't need him.

And she didn't take him back.

But she asked him, I tell Muruni, Are

you commanding me, You Rasulullah

Rasulullah? And if it's that, then, of course,

I'll take him back. No. No questions asked.

No questions asked. But since you if it

isn't a command, it's just you think you

feel bad for muhlith, I don't need muhlith

anymore. Karaasana shabeh bin muhlith and everything, him

and his family don't want him anymore. And

she never went and took him back. And

the interesting piece was how normal this

was. That's really the piece. Is how this

was not, Yani, a big deal. It was

very normal. It was normal for 2 Yani

subhanahu wa'ala, I feel that our ancestors back

then,

they knew how to live more than we

do today. Like they knew how to live,

and they know how to enjoy

life, and they know how to love, and

they knew how to how to hold on

to love, and to get rid of love,

and their hearts were broken, and they would

get married, and they would divorce, and get

married again, and and they just they live

better. They just live better than we do.

We we don't I don't know I don't

think we know how to love or live

anymore. Like I honestly think

that throughout history so much has occurred that

we're stuck now in this,

you know, this this post Victorian

English era of understanding marriage and life as

Muslims that does not reflect how the prophet

alaihis salatu wa sallam, how the salaaba lived.

Like this is not the same, it's not

the same understanding of life.

And the Prophet alaihis salaam, for a man

to walk behind

crying because she divorced him,

And you had to go find someone else

to get married, and she married again.

I find that there's that we we are

much more

today this this is the thing. This is

what I this is what I, you know

we are so

self conscious.

How do you put this? Our egos are

so bruised and we're so

We're so insecure

that it's hard to accept any form of

rejection

and continue to live for men and for

women. Now I can understand it a little

bit more for women. I can understand that

there's there's there's certain situations, but for men,

I see men who are

They they don't They can't they can't take

rejection.

They're rejected once or twice. It's a big

deal.

I feel like, you're Meskeen?

What life has in store for you?

Life has in store for you. It's just

ongoing rejections. I have a, I have a

folder in my

inbox with 6,622

emails of rejections from medical schools when I

was attending for residency. I just hold on

to it every single day just to look

at it. And then mikdu'a for doctor Hasid

Salim for taking me at the end. I

just stare at it. That's 6,000

Rejection is a part of life, especially as

a young man, you have to be okay

with rejection. It doesn't mean that you have

no self respect or dignity, it doesn't mean

that you're ruqhils,

you've cheapened yourself so you go and do

anything. But that you're at least willing to

live life, and you're willing to express yourself

and you're willing to to have an emotion

and and and and deal with the pain

of maybe not working out and then and

then having it again and this is living

life when you're too conservative with your emotions

and your thoughts, you don't you end up

living. Maybe you're protected from some certain types

of pain, but you don't live. You're not

alive anymore. If you don't have that ability

to express yourself, it goes for both, you

know, both genders really. But there's a little

bit of a difference in how they lived

and how we do. And I'm gonna establish

that for you throughout maybe the series after

this. I'm gonna show you a little bit

of how they were, in terms of how

they saw themselves within others, and how they

approached each other, and how they lived, and

it's just not the same. We're much more

I'm gonna say the word conservative is not

the word I'm looking for, but they're much

reserved,

Much more reserved in every form of the

matter of, you know, in every way. So

we Because we're so much reserved, we don't

live as well as they did. Like we

don't

For you to protect yourself, so the range

of your emotions is this, just because you

don't want to be hurt versus if you

open it up and and now the risk

of getting hurt is bigger, but also the

risk of living and loving is bigger too.

And that's how you're supposed to live. So

we reserved ourselves, so just like this. So,

yeah, I'm not gonna get hurt but you're

not gonna live either.

You're not gonna know what love means. And

because we don't know that, when I talk

about the love of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala,

people look at me like I'm speaking in

a different language.

Like I'm saying words that don't just words,

there's

no reality because how do you

explain to someone to love Allah Subhanahu Wa

Ta'ala if

they don't know if they don't really experience

true actual love and allow themselves to love

and be rejected

and love again and be rejected. It's okay.

You're supposed to

the prophet alaihis salatu wa sallam, he he

he wore his hardened sleeve

You watch him,

follow him throughout his life. He never he

wasn't reserved.

If he loved someone, he said it. If

he felt sad, he cried. If he felt

happy,

and he made it clear. It was clear.

You could see on his face, alaihis salatu

wa sallam al din din.

Of course, he was he was hurt many

times and that's that's a part of being

alive

and I feel like that piece is missing

in our in our in our community now

and in general in the world that it's

missing. There's too much fear

of of rejection and being hurt and I

mean that's life. You're only here for a

couple of decades.

Live, love, and and and and feel it

all and and and process the emotion of

of of of being happy and being very

sad and being close to someone and then

not having that anymore and be okay with

it because that's life. It's not it's not

infinite. It doesn't go on forever.

Now pain is only problematic if it goes

on forever,

if it never stops and all pain ends.

No matter no matter how long it goes

on for, it ends. It ends. Even what

happens to people. Yeah. Even with us, what's

happening to our brothers and sisters in the

wilderness. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make it

easy for them. And I feel embarrassed talking

about stuff, Faniyah, as they go through what

they go through. But even that pain will

end. Every pain The only pain that doesn't

end is that is the pain of jahannam.

That's

the only pain that never ends. Every every

So something to think about.

So something to think about.