Disrespectful Daughter

The Deen Show

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© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salaam Alaikum peace be unto you. I'm going to your host and you're watching the deen show. And today we're going to be trying to solve some problems from the womb to the tomb. And then there's some drama in between. So we're going to be answering your question somebody wrote in gave us a question, and we're going to talk to the experts. How can we diagnose the problem? And how can we give a solution not based on our desires, but based on the verbatim Word of God the Quran, and authentic hadith, the sinner from the last, the final messenger sent the man kind of problem on the peace be upon him. So sit tight, we'll be back with our next guest. Dr.

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Schiff

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is His Messenger.

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There's only one, Jesus was his messenger.

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No, I did that maybe.

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So just a little bit about yourself.

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You're a doctor, a PhD, you got more degrees than a thermometer, you are really out there, educating the people, and you're doing some wonderful work. And we're so excited that you're here with us on the show. I'm very pleased to be here with you. Tell us a little bit about your background for those who already many already know who you are. But for those that don't know anything about?

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Well, I'm a doctor with Spain and I also continue to work as a physician,

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more particularly a pediatrician.

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And I work part time as a pediatrician. I'm also the DFC architect in America.

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I have always studied both simultaneously secondary and Islamic Studies simultaneously. So I was able to finish my medical school and

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thereafter pursue a master's degree in some studies, and then a PhD in Islamic studies from AAA.

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And

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that's pretty much where I have my medical degree and board certification as well as my

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PhD in Islamic Studies. Now tell us you said something, you said an Arabic word. Now we try to reach out to many of the not yet Muslims, because the Muslim is one who has submitted himself to the One God consciously trying to do all the good that the one guy wants us to do, which is said Sharia. And there's some people out there, they get freaked out. So we want them to know what this is worth. When we say shooting. What does that mean?

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Sharia means the paths that have shown us the path to success, the path to prosperity, our spiritual survival.

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The word Surya in Arabic means the past to other or wallet bodies. And as much as water bunnies are important for your physical sustenance, so Dr. Which is the way that God has shown us is important for your spiritual sustenance. And you said a lot. You

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know, philosophers are not prostrate to the sun, or the moon, the prostrate to God, who created them both. So it is Allah is the proper name for God, the Creator of the heavens, the earth, lower than all the prophets and messengers from Adam to Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad peace be upon all of them. So I think now that people can rest assured that we're talking about some good stuff, the good things still bring solace and contentment to your heart, if you let it in. So let's continue on. Now. We get a lot of emails, and we love having experts like yourself, people who are qualified, qualified to give the advice. Now, the email paraphrasing is talking about a mother, a

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mother who has a daughter, and that daughter has become very rebellious. And she's been very disrespectful to her parents. Now, the mother goes out and you read the email. Also, the mother goes on to say that the daughter used to study Islam a little bit, but somehow she got off track. She's trying to figure out if she possessed by a jinn is she

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having some mental illnesses, they try to have her committed, but on and on. The situation is not getting better, it's getting worse. She also has some children who are in the dean who are in who have children.

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To submit themselves fully to the One God doing all the good that he's told to do Islam, and they're advising her. So they're seeing things from a different perspective, they're seeing that the parent is not fully accepting and doing a lot of the wonderful things that the Creator has told her to do. So they say this might be the problem, not fully submitting to the Creator, and kind of picking and choosing what's convenient for you. So this is kind of just paraphrasing so that people can kind of get an idea what we're dealing with, you've also read it, what your conclusion should.

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While I believe that,

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if,

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if you are in a house, and this house is on fire, and you want to save your kids, and you ask them to run away from the fire, I think you will be running away yourself, you will be trying to get every one out.

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That's on fire. And here, you will be

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more of a believer that you everybody needs to run away, and you'll be one of those running away from from that fire. And the fire of the Hereafter is

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not in any way, shape, or form less

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painful than this fire. So if you've tried to save your kids from the fire of the Hereafter, but they're not seeing that you're trying to save yourself, they would wonder if you're really sincere, if that's true, but there is actually fine.

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If you don't look like you know, Run away, run away There is fire. I mean, that doesn't really look like there is fire. But if, if they see that you believe in the presence of this fire, and you're acting upon that belief, they will be believers as well in the presence of this way.

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So I think that we have to walk our talk and we have to really commit in order for us to, to give advice to our children. The other thing that people need to understand those who is that

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often titles of parents who are patchwork, and it's not it is a holistic system, it's the construct of this religion is quite intricate. Yep. Simple, simple, understand what it is not.

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It's not

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without

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a vision isn't a vision of this religion, is based on the foundation of this revisionist theme is the complete commitment.

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surrender to the Creator. And once you have this, once you have to pay that it will be easy for you to start receiving the do's and the don'ts. He can do this, you cannot do that. But if it's just a matter of like a collection of do's and don'ts, then it becomes very difficult for the for this parent to accept and to surrender.

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Once someone is

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going to stand and you have what the heat is about what his what his relation or her relationship with a career shouldn't be alike. The do's and don'ts will become very easy to submit to have

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the peace of her life and the profits of

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peace and blessings be upon him. said the first thing that was revealed of the Qur'an, wherever verses or chapters from the last part of the parameters and pasta, which is the last seventh of the crab, that have the mention of unintended paradise and hellfire. And when the people returned to the Lord,

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Allah revealed to them the four indicate did not change to this or that and then I showed you about the piece of herself has been the first thing to be revealed. Self we would never give up this we will never give up, help or give up.

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So that's what people need to understand. This is not the collection, random collection of commands and prohibitions. We value the commencement prohibitions, we surrender to the will of

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creativity.

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By the game, there is a vision that has to to contain all of this in order for you to be able to order for the spirit to be able to submit, let's take a break, and we'll be right back. I'm going away. No problem. You can take my daughter to dinner, you and my daughter and me

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something it's natural. That's the idea and I created it and He created us to have a good time.

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We should have a good time.

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Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world. And most of the converts are women, not men, they see that the rules of Islam instead of constraining the rule, set them free.

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With Dr. Hampton shake, continuing on, the person says, You know what? Okay, I agree with this alone, the creator, alone, he's lost my Creator, I understand this. But all these things, these are things for the person that you know what his faith is a little bit weak, I got the faith in my heart.

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All these other rules that was for back then, now, you know, I got to work I got to provide for the family. And I believe so this is more for the people who need their demand to increase, what do we say?

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I think the simplest answer to this is to ask the person if he believes that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam had faith

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or not.

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If the prophets, the man on faith, were greater than his or, as well as the companions, because some people, the beauty of having this great generation, the companions of the Prophet peace be upon him is that when people say, Well, he was a prophet, but wait a second, those were not prophets. These were normal. Human beings are not receiving revelation, they have faith, they have email, and we have a

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very vast majority of us, yet, they were still committed, they still pray it, they still

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conform to the will of Allah subhanaw taala in every aspect of their lives, whether it is their relationships with their spouses, their co workers, their fellow Muslims, or it is their

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acts of worship, fasting, praying, the cat getting neglected, they have not neglected anything, even though they have greater than all of us. And we continue to do this

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to the end, blind, you know, all the way until the end of their life, in complete conform to the convention.

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You can never mentioned in one single companion, we use this argument to say no, now I do not need to pray, or I do not need to do this. So you mentioned the Hellfire, that's a place where we want to avoid. So but if you do the good.

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What we should be striving for is agenda. So there is a hell fire. And it makes sense consequences. You're going to be accountable for doing bad things or turning away from the guidance and turning away from your Creator and being rebellious. But then there's also a paradise, there's a reward for doing the good. Absolutely, there is the rewards for doing the good. That's the difference of Allah subhanaw taala. out to the sea, there is punishments for the back door and the word for it could do. And Paradise is the ultimate destiny for all those who accept,

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accept the web of their creeper and obey Him. And

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fire is the abode of those who deviate from this and rejected because of pride, they're stubborn or too proud. surrenders, don't pray for them, don't pause for a second, ask themselves what we're here, there's got to be some purpose for being here in this in this lineage, or in this life. And it is unfair of the

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great creator of this whole magnificent universe to make the destiny and the evidence of the good in the evil and the victim and the victimizer the same. Yeah, there's got to be a difference. Yeah. I mean, Hitler, or whoever else, you can use some, you know, examples of an evil person, he can just be left without having to pay for the consequences of some of the evil things that people have done rapidly across the earth. So this would be for those people, and also people who, who just turned away from doing all the good things that the creator told him to do. He's given us air He's given us the love that we love, love. He's given us so many benefits. the least we can do is obey Him. It

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just makes sense. Absolutely. And all people recognize that absolute justice is not only serve is not always served in this life.

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When is it going to be served, you know, absolute justice.

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Oftentimes, criminals and victimizers get away with

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crimes. Sometimes they get caught, sometimes they get punished for their crimes. But oftentimes we hear about pirates throughout the history of mankind, we are going to continue to be monarchs and chiefs and continue to torment the people and torture them. And sort of, you know, enjoy their lives, even though as Muslims, we believe that if you depart from the way of life, you can never truly have inner happiness and enjoyment. But as far as people can tell, you know, from from a superficial Outlook or perspective, they're enjoying their life. They're, you know, presidents and chiefs, and they have the money and they have the power, and they have everything. And they continue

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to do to have all of this until they die. Each year each 90

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justice will be served, you know, it is part of the wisdom of the Creator, that

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their their ending cannot be the same like someone who surrendered surrender to that as well, who's doing good, serving the people in us being truthful, be kind and merciful to all people. And it's impossible, without missing. And so now let's go back to the original question that the mother wants to know, or is asking, Could she be wrong because her children are advising her, okay, Mother, you should be more in tune with connecting your heart to the hereafter to paradise, and wearing the proper, proper Islamic covering the hijab and implementing the things that the Creator has told us to do. So the children see a correlation between the daughter being disrespectful and the neglect

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fullness of the mother towards the commands of the Creator, are they seeing some things here that the mother is not seeing? Absolutely being contradictory is the worst thing that you want to be that's part you know, that's, you know, part of hypocrisy

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is the tear your actions and your sayings will not really be the same. So the furniture between the two would be quite obvious in the eyes of people, unfortunately, except yourself, oftentimes, you will deceive yourself into not seeing the contradiction between your sayings and actions.

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But again, at the same time, the children will be entitled to saying, if it was good for them to do it, if it is bad, why do you want me to do it? So I think that they're entitled to us. Eventually, when the children become adults, they'll become responsible, accountable. So that does not actually

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take the blame off of them completely. So the children have to also understand that once they become adults, and they're responsible and accountable in the sight of Allah, no matter how their upbringing was imperfect or defective,

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even if they were not born to Muslims in the first place. Once they become adults, they start to have their own accountability and their own relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. So they have to be aware that even though my parents were really not very successful, that raising me as a Muslim, but it is time for me now to take charge with myself and to protect my soul from from destruction.

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We'll hold off on that point, we'll be right back into the break. I'm going home.

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He is the maintainer. He is the Jesus you have stepped outside of Islam. You cannot be a Muslim, attended our faith to believe in in love Jesus Christ.

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He is the Why is it then when it comes to one of the most important decisions in life? He literally abuse ourselves. It's not that the main thing we're looking forward to see what type of money he has so that he can treat my daughter like a princess. It's not about

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hunger.

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I am not afraid.

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I am not afraid to stand alone.

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I'm not afraid.

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I'm not afraid to stand.

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So

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welcome back to the dean show. We're in the studio with Dr. Hutton. we're addressing an issue a family issue where the mother and many parents can relate to this where their children are starting to be rebellious. And this is

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The worst. You felt this child, you raised this child. And now this child is turning their back using curse words profanity, you tell them this, they do that. But now you start to think are they possessed? Has the devil gotten in tune? Is it a medical condition? Okay, so what route do we do we go do we? Do they go and get Rukia? Done? do they go? That's a spiritual healing? Do they go to the MD come see a doctor like yourself, and also a shake? And then the diagnosis how to how do you diagnose if you are in accordance, and living your life to the fullest? Because didn't allow Satan to enter into submission into Islam wholeheartedly. So which of these three do we take? What do we

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take off? I think he takes a lot of them. But you have to prioritize.

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First of all, people start a little bit too late and people waiting for their kids or teenagers to start disciplining, because when they start to see signs that, you know, things are not working out, or my child was given to danger, that's when they start. That's when they remember that

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I should have actually found them earlier, you know, what's happening? Why am I losing the battle?

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Because he started late. That's why you're losing the battle. In fact, you want to be starting very, very early, you want to be starting from day one, if not, before they went in choosing the right partner in the first place is where you start. If you want to have

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you know, success in raising your kids, he wants to choose a good partner, if you're the man, then you have to understand that mostly because we'll be raised by the mother.

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The way by the way, the word in Arabic, which was mother, it's very beautiful word because it has to do with containment and gathering my own method, it contains various nations and

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the word

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keymap. Because of the email McAleese on the prayer contains the congregation can perceive them comes from can say containment, so it contains the child psychologically and emotionally and

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mentally in every aspect as he or she nurtures the child and in every aspect. So to choose the right partner first, and then understand the different stages of the turqoise through that stage of being

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rebellious, have a lesson. If you want me to answer your question specifically.

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I think oftentimes, we

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don't know how to tackle this, this rebellion, I think, to be angry, and to be how to control yourself will further worsen the condition.

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You need to take a pause. And to think first, you know, at the company, you know, the most authentic collection party is the one who collected the most authentic collection and profits saints. He has a chapter in his book, The CO chapter of knowledge precedes action. Yeah. So think about it, you know, before you start acting in order to come up with all of those

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solutions, in your own perception, you probably won't be asking the experts, you're probably going to be investing some time in investigating the matter and trying to figure out what is actually right. For this condition.

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Like, if you start to become angry, and you start to also to escalate the matter between you and your son or your daughter, and by saying, you know, go away, you go out of my face, or, you know, I don't want to deal with you anymore. I

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plead to this point. And then you're a complete failure, all of that, you know, list of things that parents sometimes said, I think that you want to first you want to first figure out why did they change if they, you know, I think from from what he said before, there was like a change. If they were better before and they're worse now. Why did they change and then you want to have open ended questions.

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You know, ask them I hate to see you sad or you know, I'm sorry about your distress.

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Can you share with me why you are distressed? Maybe I can help.

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Often by oftentimes they will have certain issues, you know, certain

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power conflict with parents and then instead of saying you know,

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This is the right way. And you know, it's just forcing it without justification of clarification or justification. You can sit down with your child and say, Well, here are our options, let's study them.

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You want to do this, here are the options, you know, option 1234, pros and the cons of every option we study them. And let's see what is best. Sometimes the child, you know, sometimes the parent does not need to be always blamed, although oftentimes, in fact, the client may have some mercy on him. So but oftentimes, the failure of a child is

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a consequence of the parents failure, embracing them, but sometimes the child is very difficult. And in this case, you also want to be

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moderate, and your emotions. So even if you want to say, Get out of my face, say, Would it help you to go to your room and pray or you know, contemplate, or something of that nature? I think being gentle does the Prophet peace be upon himself is always good, gentleness, when powers bigger, whatever use than any matter,

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in which it's used. So in doing all these, we only have a few more minutes, we're going to just get a couple more points. So in doing a self diagnosis, should a person start with themselves and say, from A to Z? Am I sincerely doing all the good things that the creator's telling me to do, and staying away from all the evil things that the creator's told me to do? So is it safe to say, should a person start with themselves diagnose themselves? and say, Look, am I totally in compliance with what my Lord wants me to do? Am I staying away from the evil? will this help also bring out the mercy from the creator? Absolutely. First thing that you want to start with when when you're talking

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to any difficulty in your life is deferring to God created us and asking for help. And if you ask him for help, you want to align yourself with Will of God with the flag of God. So that you will be worthy of receiving this help.

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It is, it's quite logical that if you're quiet, wicked and evil, you're not worthy of receiving the help of doubt. Oftentimes, also, people fail to understand or fail to recognize their shortcomings and their failures. So it needs a little bit of introspective approach before you start to worry about the problems of your kids, the need to be a little bit more introspective, and think about yourself, and then

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realign yourself with with Word of God in the way of God, and then ask him for help with your kids. And then if you do that, you're very likely to receive a positive answer.

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Now, we have to caution again, that

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was

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the rest of the profits when

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he lost his son. So I can't say that

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this was one of the greatest prophets and messengers of God, but this is rather the exception of the rule, as a parent, I have said is the exception not the rule.

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But I understand that this exception can take place. So I don't have to always blame the parents, we can go back to the to the issue of where do you start, I think you start from yourself by correcting yourself asking Allah to give you guidance, and then

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try to seek help from from all people whether there is like a gene that is possessing the child or not, I think the achievement of this is is easy, which has three set parameters

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to help the child receptor and to make the offer the child

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and certainly to avoid getting into

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you know

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to the mister mister approaches to this issue, by having to go to a particular individual, because the key a lot of effort gave the keys to our treatment, the keys to

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to the path

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of the keys of the game will never be kept with one particular individual or two, and he will have to save me the treatment was in his as an instinctive better listener itself. upperhand is the word of robust

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but at the same time, it should not delay you from seeking medical help when it's needed.

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Okay, chick, thank you so much. They're signaling that we're out of time.

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They've gotten a lot of awards for being with us.

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And thank you for tuning in to another episode of the deen show. You got to hear it. I don't have much to add. It's very simple. There is a helpline. It's there. But there's a paradise. Let's try for paradise. Avoid the hell for all the messages about Todd about It's nothing new. But do you want paradise? So let's be in compliance with what our Creator told us to do. And if you look at it, there's so much wisdom behind it. There's so much good from doing the good that the creator's told us to do. And until next time, peace BMT.

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He created the universe.

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him below the heavens.

00:31:01--> 00:31:02

He is the

00:31:03--> 00:31:10

He's the owner. He His messengers

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his queens

00:31:17--> 00:31:18

danger

00:31:20--> 00:31:21

worship.

00:31:25--> 00:31:27

There is none