Daughters of a New World

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probably basically southern where silly Emery working on the rock determine the Sandy Hook only Allahumma Tabata and the Lotte Bella ilaha illAllah Muhammad Jana Amina Latina Manuel Amarillo, Sally hurt, what was the what was absorbed, I mean, a lot of anatomy. First of all, I'd like to acknowledge that it's good to be back home hamdulillah and a very long and interesting journey that consisted of stopping over 17 cities in 27 days. So the jetlag jetlag took a little bit to get over, but inshallah I'm back to normal, before it starts all over again. But what I'd like to speak with you today is something rather serious and important, and I think it deserves attention. And I like

to give disclaimers, but not too many, this time, at least one disclaimer that a lot of times we talk about principles in our theme, and principles are universal. And the way that those principles apply in individual situations is unique. So you're listening to something but the way that this this might affect you. And it might affect your family may be very different from the way it affects someone else in their family. Because every situation is unique. The principles in general are the same. But then the way that they're applied is a case by case by case scenario and one has to really be careful and conscious that they're applying the principles of this deen the teachings of Allah's

book, the teachings of Allah's Messenger, sallallahu alayhi salam in a way that is mindful of Allah. And so the first thing I want to talk to you about is this mindfulness. You see, we human beings, we have this greed when when you are sure have enough sci fi for like a human movie, when Allah says at the end of solid at the hub, when he says whoever can be protected from the deep greed they have inside of themselves. Those are the people that have attained ultimate success. Greed isn't just about money. Greed is about what I want, is the ultimate priority. And in any argument, any disagreement, any conflict, whether it's in the family, or among friends, and in business, I'm only

concerned about what I want. And when that becomes my ultimate concern, then justice is no longer their concern. Maybe if I follow justice, I wouldn't get everything I want. I'd get 10% of what I want, if I'm really being just right. But human beings get so absorbed you and I get so absorbed in what we want, that we start seeing our wants as justified. And then we see everybody else and whatever else they're saying is unjustified. But then there's even a further crime. And that crime is not only do I want what I want now I'm going to use Allah's religion. I'm going to use the words of Allah, and I'm going to use the words of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam, and I'm going to

pick some things from them, that seem to make it look like what I want is justified and what everybody else is doing is wrong. In other words, I'm now weaponizing. I'm manipulating what Allah said. And I'm manipulating what the Prophet said. So I sell them for selfish reasons. And I'm purposely ignoring other things that

Allah said that, that, that prove that I was doing something wrong, or that go against my wishes, right? So, when you and I do that, then we're denying something very fundamental. Allah says about his words were Colima to Allah, He here earlier the words of Allah, they are in the highest place. But if I do that consciously or subconsciously, I have put my own agenda, my what I want to do, what are the results, I want to get my wishes my wishes are actually higher than the word of Allah, the word of Allah is just being used to get what I want. You see, so I'm not actually submitting to the word of Allah, I'm trying to make the word of Allah submit to me. So that's a pretty high crime.

That's a serious crime. And that's a that's a side disclaimer that I want to give you as we talk about principles. A lot of times, for example, even though this isn't directly about that, but for example, if I was talking about the rights of the husband, or the rights of the wife, then the husband might only hear the parts that will help him win the argument after Joomla is over. And see, you know, what Allah says, You know what the Prophet says, And he can slap his wife around with some words from Allah and His messenger and say how wrong she is right? And not ignore all the parts that Allah and His messenger say that make him you know, look in the mirror and highlight something wrong

that he's doing. And she can do exactly the same thing. She can weaponize things that make her seem like she's in the right and he's in the wrong and ignore all the things that highlight the wrong and on her part, right. So there is that selfishness, that can actually become a high crime. Now, we do that in life. But we have to be extra careful when we do that with Allah as dean, because we come to this Deen as slaves of Allah, we come to this book in service of this book, humbled before this book. And there is no greater form of arrogance and selfishness, that we try to humble the book of Allah to us. Right, that would be the ultimate form of arrogance. And may Allah protect all of us

from it. Now, having said all of that, what attention that I brought up, I recently wrote about it briefly, is that in traditional societies, whether you come from an African society, a Southeast Asian society, a South Asian society, even actually traditional European societies, there's this concept of tribal life, there's a concept of big family, there's a concept of living in a community. And in this in when you live in a large family, their family expectations, you know, our sons do this, this, this, our daughters are this way, this way. And this way, you know, this is how marriages happen in our family. This is how we proceed, we have these social cultural standards and

norms. And each each society has their own cultural standards and norms. Right. And this is a gift actually, from Allah. Allah says, which I did not come to Reuben Wakaba Illa data out of who He made you into nations, different kinds of nations with unique identities, and he made you into tribes, so you can recognize each other. This is a unique feature Allah gave to humanity. He didn't make us all dressed the same way, speak the same language, eat the same food, celebrate the same kinds of thing. He didn't do that he created very diverse cultures in the world, from the same Adam and Hawa, right? Even though they're one family, he broke us up into these nations and tribes and multiple cultures.

A lot of times people when they learn about Islam, they get really fired up and they say I follow Islam, I don't follow culture. Like you know, we want to follow the pure teachings of Islam and we don't want to follow the corrupt teachings of our culture. Allah created culture too. So these slogans slogan, Islam is a problematic way of looking at our deen our deen is very realistic. And our deen is very nuanced. It's very precise, and it's very delicate. And it actually acknowledges the existence of different cultures, different traditions, different norms. And this is actually a beautiful thing that Allah created all over the world. You know, even though even Allah subhanaw

taala like describes of his miracles, woman it is the love will synthetic oil Honeycomb, right the the changes in your tongues. Like for example, the way English is spoken in the south is not the way English is spoken up in New York, it's a different culture, even within the same country. And if you traveled to Scotland, whatever they speak, they consider that English to right, that's their dialect of English and they can still think we talk funny, right? That's their normal, that's their culture. So even languages within a language can change. When you have you come from countries where one village speaks a certain way the next village has their own dialect. They have their own way of

using certain words. These are the gifts of Allah of uniqueness of individual identity within within tribes that Allah has created. However, what did Allah do when he brought us Islam? He didn't expect everybody to become Arab. He didn't expect everybody will stop No, and you know, nobody will speak Swahili anymore. Nobody's gonna speak Bahasa anymore. Nobody will speak Albanian anymore. Everybody's just gonna speak Arabic will dress like the Arabs everybody has to you know, get rid of all their you know, other culture we're all we all have to eat, you know, dates and get grow palm trees. It did. That's not what happened. That's not what was expected. Wherever Islam went

didn't replace the culture. There are Muslim societies, and rightfully so Muslim societies that have been Muslim for centuries. And they have unique cultural identities. Some of them near over 1000 years old, and they're not Arab. And they have nothing to do with Arabia, except that they accepted the religion of the Arab Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. So, so Islam travels across different cultures, what does it do that it takes things from each culture that may go against what Allah wants? The culture overall is great, but there are some things that are not so good. Some things should be removed, some things may be injustice. So what does Allah do? Allah keeps Allah allows us

to keep our cultures, but removed from them elements of injustice, right? So for example, where I come from in South Asia, before Islam, there is a culture those speakers know there's a culture of J. Hayes, Hayes is when a man and a woman get married, the families get together for marriage, the sun, the sun's family, are given gifts by the girl's family. So the son's family is the one getting the gifts, right. And if they're not gonna get a new fridge or a car or whatever, then this daughter, this girl is not worthy of the marriage proposal. And there's an entire culture that got created, where, and this was a non Muslim culture, where, you know, girls have to actually provide

exorbitant gifts, the girl's family in order to qualify their daughter for marriage. And this from a from a Quran point of view is actually an act of oppression. Because the gift for marriage is given by the man and the financial responsibilities entirely on the man, right? So it goes directly against this culture. So you can have a red dress at the wedding, you can have the food that you know, that's coming since the time of the molds, it's fine. But this thing that contradicts our religion, it's gotta go. So it doesn't get rid of the culture. It gets rid of evil practices from the culture. That's, that's what our religion does. That's what our deen does, right. So now, having

said that, we have to acknowledge the time and place in which we live, cultural societies, they tend to be tribal, they tend to be the family has a set way of doing things. And you're going to do things the same way as the rest of the family, because you are part of this family. If you break away from that tradition, you're going to make the family look bad. Right. So one of the biggest standards in tribal families, tribal societies, is that the individual has to surrender to the tribe standards, they have to surrender to the larger family standards, they have to do the you know, maybe it has to do with the way what kind of job they're going to have, whether what kind of

education they're going to have, who they're going to marry these major life decisions. They're decided by the tribe and the tribal standards. But the world rebelled, especially in the West, there was a rebellion against hierarchy, against tribalism against top down tyranny. And the West created this new, you know, idea of hyper individualism. And in hyper individualism, the ultimate thing for every single person is I just want to be happy. I don't care about anything else. I don't care about my parents, I don't care about my grandparents, I don't care what anybody else thinks, forget what my family thinks, I don't care what the world thinks, so long as I'm happy all that, that's all that

matters. And so on the one hand, we got an extremely tribal way of looking at things. And on the other hand, we have an extremely individual way of looking at things, right. And then we for many, many tribal societies, we forgot some of the teachings of Islam. And we made our system the rules with which we live, they have less to do with the book of Allah, they have less and less to do with this teachings of the prophets like Selim, they have more to do with our tribe, and our culture. And sometimes we started violating even Allah's book, and the prophets, teachings in our family systems, right. And then the crazy thing that happens for many of you that are sitting in front of me

locally, and Muslims in the West, but actually, even as the world itself is modernizing is that our next generation is exposed to hyper individualism. Our next generation doesn't care about the tribe and the grandpa and what your uncle is gonna say, that's your mom, she yells at you about what your dad's gonna say, what your uncle's gonna say, what are all your cousins gonna say? But you growing up, you're in your 20s, you're late teenager, you're even maybe early in your 30s you don't use I just want to be happy. Why can't you just let me be happy? You're affected by individualism. And your family says, no, no, no, your individualism is selfish. You're making the family look bad.

Don't do that. So there's a tension between the individual and the family, right? Our dean, it's so perfect. The Quran is so perfect, that Allah gave us the right balance between the rights of the family, the rights of the tribe, you can say, and the rights of the individual. And so both of them are respected and neither of them are via

laded at the same time, right, so what happens is when somebody becomes hyper individual, he says, My mom and dad don't understand me, I don't even want to talk to them, slam the door, walk out, Move out, move somewhere, live somewhere, live your life, do whatever you want. And you know what, a lot of times when young people become hyper individualistic, they don't just abandon their culture, they're ashamed of their culture, they like to say their name differently. And then when they get rid of the culture, they want to get rid of the religion with the culture, because it comes hand in hand. So I don't want anything to do with this Islam thing. You know, and they just go, there's this

other extreme way. And on the other extreme, you've got family that says, I don't care if this all this happy, not happy, you're gonna cry for a couple of years, you'll be fine. But you're going to do what I'm telling you to do. Right? So they want this absolute surrender on the individual. And then Quran comes in the middle. And it provides both of them, it saves them from themselves, it literally saves them from themselves. And this this is a this is a conflict that is affecting millions and millions of people around the world. This is not a small thing. And you know, if it's affecting families now, you can only see the the the implications, the result of this in a couple of

generations, it will affect generations of people and how they will see Islam, how are they how they will see themselves how they leave and define themselves. Right. So one aspect of that, that I wanted to briefly touch on in this hotbar is getting our daughters married. So this applies in any situation. But this is one thing that I wanted to touch touch with you today is getting our daughters married. First and foremost, Allah says that the Sharia that he gave us the law that he gave us, the purpose of it is to make our burden light you read Allahu li you have fever and gum, that Allah wants to lighten the burden from you. So cultural burdens, cultural burdens can be very,

very heavy, right? Like, for example, you have a family and you've got three daughters, four daughters, and you have this cultural standard that the oldest daughter should get married first. Then the next one, then the next one. Then the next one, you created this standard. Allah didn't reveal this standard, you have the standard good for you. But then the second daughter, not the fourth daughter, the second daughter is getting a proposal and a good proposal. And you say no, no, no, you gotta wait. Because there's a line get back in line. Right? And so when you do that, you you let's look at it from a Quran point of view. Something came that was halal. And your daughter wanted

it. She had the right to be married. And you denied her something that was halal for her. Even the Prophet of Allah was told sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, Lima 200, remove 100 Allah hulak Why do you make haram what Allah has made halal, like even the Prophet wasn't allowed to do that in the in the smallest of things. This is not a small thing. This is a life thing. And you can devastate somebody because they wanted to marry a person. They had an emotional attachment, they had the thought of this is the right person for me. And you deprive them from getting married, they end up getting married somewhere else, this person has, you know, deep depression they have they have anger towards

their parents, then they have anger towards the religion, because now their parents told them you must obey your parents. This is why you cannot get married they use remember I told you they use parts of the religion. So they use parts of the religion to beat up on this poor girl. And she can't have what Allah has given us her the right to have as an individual adult. And that's the next thing I want to say. When our daughters are about to get married. They're not children. They are adults and adults are going to stand on their own in front of Allah on judgment day. You are not going to come in front of your 28 year old daughter and so Yola asked me the questions she's, I'm her well,

you know, she's she's answerable for herself on Judgment Day. And if she committed a crime in this life, my mother left she cut her red light, or, you know, if she if she stole money, she, you're not going to stand in front of her, she has to answer for herself in the court of law in this life. And in the court of Allah's law and judgment day, she's an individual with personal responsibility. On top of all of that, especially for those of us because the world is changing, right? Economies are changing. Many people like in my family, for example, even it was hard to make ends meet, everybody worked, my mom worked, my dad worked, my sisters worked if everybody had a job, because there was no

way to survive. This is expensive. So there are situations where we trust our daughters to go get a job. We trust our daughters to go to the university. We trust our daughters to earn a living for themselves to be out on their own. You're not standing there at work next to her. You're not protecting her every second, she's taking care of herself. She's carrying herself in a dignified way on you and you trust her. So that same daughter that you trust to go out into the world, the same doctor that you trust to get get her in education, when that same daughter says I think this person may be a good choice for me for marriage. Right? And you say no, no, no, that's not how we do things

in the tribe. That's not how we do

things in our village, we have we have a system in place. If your system was so great, what are you doing here?

If your system worked, why didn't you raise your daughter in that old system, you recognize something was missing, and you crossed an ocean and you put your children, I put my daughters into a different culture, a different society, a multicultural, multi ethnic Society, an open society, and now they're supposed to hold on to their Islam, which is tough enough. But on top of that, they need to hold on to your village culture too. This is an imposition, this is a burden that you put on top of them that Allah didn't put and that quote, what does it do in the end, at the end, we have to understand what this does. A society that gets destroyed. A society that gets ruined is a society in

which the door to Halal gets smaller and smaller and the door to haram gets bigger and bigger. So haram becomes easy and halal becomes difficult. When earning Halal money becomes difficult, then that society is heading towards destruction. Well being in a halal relationship is difficult then that society is heading towards destruction. This now the thing is the Israelites had done that to themselves. And Allah says when he gave them the book, well that run home is from well as Allah, Allah Leti, Kennett, Allah him, that Allah removed from them their chains, and the fetters that used to be on them, meaning they were like imprisoned by their own culture. They were making things so

hard on themselves, because of their self imposed standards, that they were actually imprisoned and burdened and crushed by it. They were crushed by it. I I'm remembering even I'm sure you have your own examples from your own cultures. But for example, in some cultures, if you're going to have a wedding, it has to be a really lavish wedding. And if you're going to have a man, that mahal should be so big, that if somebody hears about it, they fall off their chair. Right, otherwise, you know what, man, there's got to be some serious and then on the other side are people that weaponize some random Athar and say, no, no, no, you should just give a date. Or remember, have her memorized for

the class that should be good enough man, if she has Iman and Taqwa something ridiculous. This wasn't the amount of everyone like that we turned the religion into a joke, right? So either I'm gonna give her a KitKat bar for my head, or

I'm going to give her four times my life savings. And you know, 30 years later, I still am not able to pay them ahead, man. It's not a joke. What I do Nyssa Ducati in Latin, what we've done in our cultures, is we've turned the mat into a trophy, how much was it? How much was it? Like you wouldn't win? The wedding happens or racing. So how much how much did you get? How much did you get? What's the amount? What's the amount, or now when my daughter is getting married, we better have twice that amount. We it's a it's a race for hierarchy, right? So we take something Allah has given that makes life easy. And we've turned it into this way of putting social status and created even more

difficulty. Now the guy that doesn't have $80,000 or $150,000, because he just graduated, just got his job. He He's either got to agree to this, this marriage mortgage.

Or he can get married. Or he'll agree to it with the intention that he's not going to pay. Let's just a number. Don't worry about it. How is it just a number, this is the word of Allah, you can just make a joke out of that. I'll just tell her later. You know, you love me, right? Can you take a couple of zeros off? You know, like,

this is what happens when the culture imposes standards that are so hard that they're humanly impossible. They're unrealistic. And what do we associate with that we associate respect with it. If you don't have a high number, if you don't have an unrealistic number, then what respect Does your family have, when they lie Hellraiser to believers who Lee will mean dignity, respect that comes from Allah belongs to Allah, it belongs to his messenger, it belongs to those who believe this is we create these false standards of respect. And then we bury ourselves and we bury our daughters, we bury them, you know, and then they're the other situations, you know, we are now in a multicultural

society. And I, I actually personally believe in the value of marrying within the culture, because families will understand each other, there won't be a language barrier. There are lots of advantages to marrying within the culture. There's hikma in that. But there's also Heckman being realistic. If your daughter is 2728 30 years old, and your own culture, all the men that come for a proposal, you know that they have a drinking problem. They have a marijuana problem. They have this problem and you know that and then a good proposal comes but it's not from your country or stuck for Allah, it's from the neighbor country. You know, because the neighbor we can't accept those because the burden

Just draw a line between our border and there's and that's from then on that's haram to consider, you know, Moroccans can consider Algerians, you know, Egyptians can consider Syrians Pakistanis can consider Bangladeshis, you know, so Malik had considered Chinese that can happen. No, no, no, no, no. Haram, we have to marry within. Well, you put them in a world where all the cultures are mixed. You're they're living in a world where Haram is so easy. And then we have a good opportunity of Halal comes, and you won't even consider it. And the biggest inconsideration here I told you, there's tribal and there's individual, the woman in Islam has the right to suggest who she wants to

marry. She actually has that there's nothing undignified about that. In fact, it's even a story in the Quran, the daughter of the sheikh in Medina and suggested Musa alayhis salam when she said yeah, but his god who God hire him, he's a good guy, hire him hire him, we're hire him in the house with two unmarried girls. She knew that called say hire him men that hook a sister up. This is a good proposal. But she said it in a respectful way a girl proposed to a man in the Quran.

And on top of that, the man couldn't yet earn enough of a living. So the his in laws, the girl's family said, hey, we'll take care of you until you're on your feet. Live here eight to 10 years worked for me for eight to 10 years, that will be the man How do you have to pay? So the mother was service. The mother was take care of the family, the matter was protected and that was the matter. Incredible. Meaning the Quran showed an unusual situation that doesn't fit the norm the culture, Musa Allah Islam is from Bani Israel, this family is muddy and in Medina is Arab. This was an intercultural marriage. They had, you know, different languages. And yet this marriage happens. And

it's an unusual kind of my head. It's an unusual kind of financial situation. Quran breaks the social standards, when they start turning into oppression when they when they start turning into oppression. And this is something that we have to now, you know, to fix to really genuinely fix. Our daughters deserve the chance to live a healthier life. And it's embarrassing when they have to ask their parents I'd like to get married. No, no, no, no, no. Or, you know, sisters writing emails and sending messages. Like I've been engaged for three years and my father says it's okay. You can be engaged five more years and she's like I'm falling into fitna, I don't want to fall into something

haram, please allow me to care. How can I convince my father Allah's book is not enough to convince your father, I don't know what to do. I don't understand. Why would you put your child through this? Do you not know what exists? The moment you open your mobile device, you not know what exists in the world now, how easy the door to wrongdoing is how tempting it is how constant it is. And, and they have, they're having to beg their own parents to live a halal life. They're having to beg for that What greater oppression I don't understand. So be if my own daughter came to me, I'm telling you this, if my own daughter came to me and said, I am considering this person for marriage, I'd say let

me talk to him. I'd like to see. And I'll give her because she's an adult, you know what I would do, I would talk to him, I would get do a good full background check and analysis, I do my investigation, I do my FBI business. I do it. And then at the end of that, I'll sit her down and say, here's what I like, here's what I'm worried about. But the decision is yours. This is your life. In my opinion, if you make this decision, these might be the troubles you might have. These might be the things that will be easy for you. But at the end of the day, you are an adult, you this is your life, you have to live this life. You have to choose this life. And you and I can give you

advice. How much of this decision is emotional? How much of this decision is well thought out? Let me ask you some questions you can investigate in yourself. But in the end, you're gonna have to make an adult choice. If we don't treat our kids like adults, which they are when they're ready for marriage. If we're if we're not going to treat them that way, then how are we going to expect them to raise the next generation? How are we going to do that? We have to realize that this is not some new standard that's already existed in our deen, we've just forgotten it because we either become hyper tribal, or on the kids side. They become hyper individual. They say forget it. I don't care

about my parents. I'm going to do whatever I want, you know, and the teachings of our deen and you know, the conditions all of it is gone. And I'm just going to live a free life. Right. And this is the fitna that we find ourselves in.

Just imagine this is not just a conflict inside one family. This might decide literally the population of Muslims in the next 50 years. Right. Let's this might these things might decide that what Islam is going to look like who's going to be filling the misogyny? What kind of parents what kind of marriages are happening when they're fighting against the family to have marriages

break these social, the I don't I don't tell you to abandon your culture. I don't tell you to force marrying outside your culture. And again, even even the men and women, they shouldn't weaponize Islam and use this code by and say, Hey, see mom and dad. That's why I want to marry him. Nobody's on drugs. What do you mean? That's not what no man was saying? Yeah, but this part says you're wrong.

Right? So no, there's a problem. We can't I don't bless it. I don't agree with it. This is a problem. He's got a criminal record. He's got this problem. He's got this problem. They're serious concerns here. So I'm not I'm not in agreement. A father has a right to say that too. He has a right to say this is these are realistic problems. And with which I have to say that this is not a good decision. I'm not endorsing it, you know, but those are again at the end. You know, conversations you have to have with your children, as adults, as adults, as responsible individuals. They are responsible to Allah, they are responsible in on Judgment Day, we're not going to be able to carry

their burden however, I fear and you should fear that if I stop my children, from the doorway to Halal I stopped them and then they fall into fitna, then they will answer to Allah for their wrongdoing. But I will answer I also answer to Allah for stopping what was right. I will I will be answerable to Allah. I may think I have full 100% authority over my child, my daughter, I don't have authority over Allah and his book. I don't get to make haram what Allah has made halal, at least I should give it a serious, honest consideration. May Allah azza wa jal soften the hearts of parents towards their daughters and daughters towards their parents may Allah azza wa jal allow our

daughters to find good spouses and strengthen our families. So we're able to reach reach a much stronger, much more mature, much more just generation of Muslims that can bring the light of this Quran and the teachings of this Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam to the entire world BarakAllahu li Walakum Al Quran Al Hakim, when finally we combine it with the Quran Hakeem

Al hamdu Lillahi wa Kapha wa salatu salam O Allah everybody Hilah Dina Stouffer who Susana Allah of Bali him or hurt him in the beginning, Mohamed El Amin while early he was so happy engineering. Paulo Allahu isodiol vikita became Kareem Buddha, arugula him in a shaytani R rajim. In Allahu wa Mala Ikeda who you Soluna Allah and maybe you hella Xena Amanu Sallu alayhi wa salim Otis Lima Allahumma Salli ala Muhammad wa ala Ali Muhammad Canossa later and Ebrahim early Ibrahim FL Alameen. In hamidou Majid Allahumma barik ala Muhammad Anwar early Muhammad came about after Allah Ibrahim while early Ibrahim Al Al Amin in Hamidah Majeed everybody Allah rashmika Mala it took Allah in

Allah yet motivated at liberation were eater it will curb when an infection you will mooncup whether the crew Allahu Akbar Allahu Allahu Mata snare on a peninsula in the salata, Kenneth ultimately Nina Kitab and Mahkota