14 The Challenges of Public Criticism

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The Baba Ali Show

Channel: The Baba Ali Show

Episode Notes

Special guest Yasemin Kanar joins Baba Ali in discussing:

  • dealing with criticism on the Internet
  • balancing praise and critique
  • knowing when to take advise

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Bobby Lee Show Episode 14 the challenges of public criticism. This podcast has been brought to you by half ideen.com Amazon merge website designed for those who want to find that other half privately because the only people that should know you're looking to get married or people who are looking to get married. Try half our Deen today. Imagine having half a million likes on Facebook. Naturally, you would have the impression that a lot of people like you. So when you come across people that dislike you sometimes hate you, it feels kind of strange. Sometimes people say things that are so hurtful you wonder if they store their hearts in the freezer at night so they can keep it cold

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enough so they can post their mean tweets the following day. And today's episode, we're gonna have a Muslim internet celebrity who's had her fair share of public criticism and she's gonna tell you like it is cute. The theme song, let's do this.

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For cultural Muslims have confused the masses and speakers are forced to be politically correct.

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voice changed.

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Hey, man, why you're serious. This is just a podcast.

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I would rather be humbled by constructive criticism than to become arrogant with constant praise. The problem is that a lot of criticism isn't very constructive. People will offer their advice on what you should be doing about things they themselves have never done. Then you take it personal when you don't follow what they want you to do joke. If our goal in life is to make everyone happy, then our goal isn't really reachable. So too much praise will make you arrogant, and too much criticism will lead you to despair. So how does one deal with all this attention? Especially if you're a female? Well, let's ask a well known Muslim internet celebrity. My guest today Yes, women

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can are better known as Yazidis bas on social media is eclectic. 25 year old born and raised in Miami, Florida. She's coming from a unique background half Cuban half Turkish she's culturally diversified in all aspects of art. Yaz is well known for a unique hijab styles, beautiful sense of modest and elegant fashion. And for her work with the youth and building confidence and beauty from within. Yes, I share her channels on YouTube for the world to see, appreciate and get inspired. Welcome to the Baba Ali show. Assalamu aleikum.

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Ali, it's great to be on the show. How are you doing today? I'm doing great. It's another 9pm here.

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So I got you at the graveyard shift. Got me at the graveyard shift. But

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it's great. It's great to be here. I like waking you up a little bit. Let's see, let's have an awesome conversation. Awesome. And I know you have a long day, you have so many things on your schedule. So I really do appreciate that you're doing this episode for us. And I think all the listeners are going to be able to enjoy it inshallah, because not too often do we get Muslim internet celebrities who happen to also be female, very popular and very liked. hamdulillah. So I'm gonna start you off with my first question. It's hard not to take things personal, especially when the criticism is made personal. So how do you deal with like, hurtful messages, how I deal with, all

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I do with it, is don't taking anything, I don't take anything personal. When I first began, I would obviously take all the negative comments or negative messages that I would get, you know, very personal, and it would hurt me and I'd be like, Oh my gosh, but I'm just doing something so innocent as just making a video. This was five years ago, I was just, you know, 1920 when I began, and you know, that I would actually give respond to these negative comments. And then it would feed more of the negative energy. So what I've learned to do

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is just don't take it personal and take each comment as it comes to, you know, better myself where I need to be, you know, improve on, you know, whatever they're saying that I don't agree with and just, you know, ignore it and move on, and don't let it affect me. And bring me down. For those listeners who are listening and want to do things similar to what he has is doing. That's very, very good advice. I myself, have made many, many videos on YouTube. And people used to post really bad and personal comments against me. And then I realized that these people don't even know who I am. They don't know my intentions. Allah subhanaw taala knows. So it's a balancing act, I guess. And

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referring to balancing act doesn't lead me to my next question I want to ask you, like I said in my intro, too much praise will make you arrogant and too much criticism will lead you to despair. How do you balance that? Well, for sure. When I first began, you know, my mom raised us to be super confident girls and humble after that, because if I didn't, if I wasn't raised with that foundation of being proud of who I was, and being proud of the girls, and I probably wouldn't have even had the courage to even start yet. My YouTube channel

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but of course too much of it can lead you to arrogance and all this stuff. But I truly truly, truly give lots of credit to my husband who always brings me back down.

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On earth

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he makes sure he and my mom you know, everybody around me you know always helps me get back to my state of mind. And of course now if my husband was to ever mention anything about being humble or being you know not arrogant or or ever saying that I am I'll get so like angry and and literally start fighting with him and say to him You call me that you have no idea how I am the people I like I like make sure I'm anyways that's basically a test from him, just to make sure I'm in check. And then of course he realizes that I'm honest.

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Does he ever do that on purpose to touch your buttons? Of course he does literally the day before or the day of our engagement shoot two years ago, that whole you know, being humble and saying like this and this and that and oh my god, I blew up and I was so affected by it. Like I don't get upset often, but when I do it's for something with a purpose, you know, for something that I truly believe in. And trust me, I am humble. I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm any one greater than them or make them feel any less worthy around me or that I'm cooler than them like I don't want to make anybody feel anything like the numbers are one thing and but me as a person I am you know, I'm

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young. I mean I'm young. I'm just I'm just me, you know, so yes. What do you do when you're not making your videos? I mean, what is the as the spouse like when she's not in front of the camera?

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Well, yes, it's not in front of a camera. Oh my gosh, we're waking up in the morning obviously no makeup no fashion.

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Waking up and kissing my babies my test she couldn't Loki but I do have my online store. Yes, guys that I work at that I work on. I have my office, which is 30 minutes north of where I live. But it's not on me to filming at home, I got constant emails. I mean, I work out almost every day with my husband. That's something we like to incorporate. What else? I mean, I do everything, everything that we do is online. So pretty much in front of a computer all the time. It's not I'm either working out with my husband or going out on a date or hanging out with my family, something like that, or going fishing. Wow, you see, everyone who's listening says that, yes, this is just normal

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hearing, even though she has 638,000 likes on Facebook, at the very end of the day. She's not just Yes, despise sometimes just Yes. Right? I am completely normal. And that's exactly what I want everybody to feel. I don't want them. You know, I don't want them to say that. I'm their idol. I just want to be an inspiration to and I want to be something someone that they can look up to in a positive light. I'm not trying to be everybody, you know, running after me or asking for autographs. I think all that is just, I mean, I do it because I know what little girls look up to me. But in reality, like I don't see myself as a big show. And yes, you've done a really good job on working

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with the youth and building confidence with them. And I've mentioned that in the intro, you help them build up the beauty natural just from the outside, but from the within as well. Can you tell us some of the things you do with the youth? Well, yeah, I mean, I I've done quite a bit of hijab styling sessions where you know, I talk about beauty from within making sure your heart is pure. I don't just advertise or wearing hymns that makes you a good person I advertise making your heart beautiful, making your nude shine from your face and bringing out that type of beauty. And then if we can, you know, specify the outside then why not, but we have to build our hearts and build our

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intentions and they'll have our our feelings inside before can actually represent.

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I feel

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sorry that we can do that. And again.

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Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead.

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Sorry, can I ask the question one again? Sure. What was my question?

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Okay, so, after a question.

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Both I forgot my question, you forgot your answer. I want to ask you a separate question. Have a good go? I cannot remember the question. I remember the question. I remember the question. You know, I noticed that you work a lot with the youth, especially the female youth and they're motivated and inspired by you. So tell us a little bit about that work and how you help build confidence and not just build confidence from the outside but from the inside as well. Well, I do a lot of events where we get a whole bunch of Muslim girls together and we do we learn how to style hijab we learn we talk about beauty from within we talk about purifying your hearts and making sure that your intentions

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are right and that you're good to people and you know you're good to yourself and those things right there. You know you want to build the confidence of the girl so she doesn't think that beauty is just from the outside or what you look like beauty shines from within so that's what I try to tell these girls and of course I've learned so much from my mother bless her heart and it God grant agenda and child love she's really raised this well she's a convert. And you know, I truly believe that Congress takes the time to study the religion for the Muslims who are born into the religion and you know from what I've seen and she truly instill a great quality my sister and I and comes

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along

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I just hope to share what she's taught me to girls all around. And in other instances, I get constant emails from girls who messaged me saying, you know, thank you so much. Yes, I literally started wearing hijab a year ago. And it was through your videos that I sought inspiration. And now I'm wearing hijab, and I'm so proud of being a Muslim. And those are the emails that I get.

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I'm so blessed to have this opportunity to help girls get closer to a launch or launch, you know, those things that keep me going. So what are the emails that you get that sometimes could be very different than the ones that motivate you? I mean, if I don't get negative ones too often, but if I do, it's some random, it's probably a guy sending me a message telling me how to ask them. And I'm like, I don't need to be getting these messages from you. I have a husband, thank you very much.

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I know that sounds weird. What are the guys doing on the comments section? I mean, your videos deal with his job fashion, almost all women related things. These people are really questioning you. I think the real question is, what are they doing on a site targeted for females? That's exactly what I say. And you know, to me, it's a comment. Thank you very much, because I've just found you amongst 1000s of followers. And now I can ban you.

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I mean, I don't want to discriminate against guys, but come on, it's just for females, and I'm here, I don't I don't do events with men in it, I tried to focus on women only events, and that's too long catering to so I don't know, both.

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Give your head on police to somebody else. But I'm here to inspire and to help and show as much as I can. So here's a tough question. Do you think that those people who criticize others reveal what they themselves lack? I think so. I think so some of them could definitely be because you'll have one girl telling me Oh, don't wear makeup on in her main picture, she's got more makeup than I do.

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Or girl telling me how to work a job when she doesn't even want a job herself, or a guy telling me how to act with other men when you know, he doesn't even know how to act in front of men to begin with. These people are just or they're from another country or time where they don't know about modern modernization or how to connect with the youth. They've got their mind stuck on the past. And they need to figure out a way of connecting with Muslims. And if there's a new convert, instead of pushing them away, bringing them closer to Islam, getting them motivated to want to get closer to Islam instead of pushing them away. And making them think that all Muslims are bad. And Islam is

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like not the religion for me, for example, you know, exactly. And that's the weird thing about the whole YouTube internet, social media. At the end, we may get like 1000 positive comments and get one negative one. And we're more likely to remember that one negative, but it'll stick to our brain as if the other 1000 didn't exist. Why do you think we remember those one or two negative comments? Because they're the ones that come out randomly? It's like your intentions in pure maintenance into pure Why are you seeing the negative? Why are you trying to find negative comments? I don't really respond to negative comments ever. Because I have amazing supporters on my page. And they backed me

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up for backing as needed, you know, yes, for myself, I have a good group of friends and family and that circle around me. And when I do something wrong, they're not shy to tell me Hey, Ollie, you said something wrong, or you do something wrong. So I take their criticism, much more than do with the random person who comes and says something, especially when it's nonsense. And if they say initially mess with my head, I would question myself and say, did I do this for that reason? Are these people right? And the reality is, some of these people are just trolls, and they're there to just like bother you. And if you let it get you, then it actually makes you kind of give up whatever

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you're doing, that's actually beneficial for a lot of people. And then they win. If I listened to my critics from day one, I would have never passed the first video, but I have to like ignore them done. You're exactly right. Like I've seen and met so many bloggers, even girls who would do suggest tutorials, and they couldn't handle the negative comments. And they not only did they stop making YouTube videos, but they took quick example. I know one too many girls who have done and it's so sad. It's sad, because negative comments they need to realize really do push people away from Islam. Forget, just stop making YouTube videos. I know a girl who became Muslim and then left the religion

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because she didn't face it anymore. She's been criticized too much. And it's like, how is anybody supposed to grow when it's when you keep bashing? I actually did get an email from a brother recently, who was giving me genuine advice. Of course, I responded because I can see in his message that he really did want to teach me something which is fine, because I'm here to learn. I'm not here to just I'm not perfect. So you know, you know, we're interacting, and he's teaching me stuff that I might have already known or I don't but you know, I still want to learn from others the way that others are learning from me somehow. Yeah, when I started my videos back in 2006, obviously, it's

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like nine years ago. There's a lot of things that happened within nine years, me as a human being, I grow and I learned things and I when I make mistakes

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Eggs, I make mistakes online. But the difference is my audience, their mistakes aren't recorded and brought back to them two years later, three years later, of course, if I can go back, there are certain things that would change. But I think that's just part of our lives is a bit different than the average person because their life isn't record, like every single status that you've put every single video you put your human being, you're gonna have mistakes and those things and there may be things that you say today that you have a different opinion in the future, like you yourself, you got married not too long ago, do you think that marriage has changed you at all, marriage definitely

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have changed me, it's made me a stronger person. And I need to look more like as I grow larger, and my following and everything, I need to look more at myself, because I am a role model to these young girls. I am a role model to older women, I guess if you want to say just whoever I'm touching or inspiring, those are the people I'm affecting, and I need to look at myself and reflect on myself because I want to make sure I'm doing the right job. I don't want to be the one getting the stem, teaching people the wrong thing. But what I want people to know is that I'm human as well, I'm not perfect. And you know, please send me a message. If you feel that I'm doing something wrong. And you

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know, I'll take it into consideration and think about it and analyze it, and then apply it to myself the way I feel or the speed that I feel like I need to go on. Yeah, the funny thing is, sometimes people contact me and because I don't follow what they're telling me to follow, they take it personal.

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Like my boss or something, and they're not my boss. They're just a person who watch one of my videos or listen to a podcast or whatever. And now they Hey, are they I think you should be doing this. Are you doing this? No. Do you have any experience in this? Oh, no. So when did you become my boss?

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Like, I swear, like, there could be times where I'll post a picture. Okay, and I never wear nail polish. This is just one example. And this might be a little bit too much information. But I never went to college. And when I do is four because I can during this time, right? Yeah. So why do I need to explain to you every time I post a picture of me aparshakti Oh, by the way, guys, it's such a such time. Like, why? Why can't you just let me be growing up? And think to myself, okay, I don't put on his dad or not that I know that. You know, you're not you can't play with nail polish on. So let me just wear it when I can. But what I don't understand why I have to explain everything that I

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do, or people asking do you pray? So just because I you know, I make YouTube videos and I posted myself online, I took pictures or I don't pray now. How do you think I can be where I am today, if God didn't agree with what I was doing or didn't support me, or if I didn't even pray to God for all the success 100 on my way, you're basically guilty until proven innocent, which is so strange. They don't give you the benefit of the doubt. It's like the exact opposite. And I just find that very odd, you know, I mean, yeah, it is true. They just, they just want to make you a bad person. And then I guess they just want to

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just want you to respond to them. They feel lonely.

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They want to like push your buttons so you do respond. But Mashallah, you're very light hearted, it looks like you've been able to take like the negative criticism, spin it, and then take the positive criticism and apply it and I applaud you for that. I mean, Mashallah, you've been able to do that. And then, obviously, you have a very, very good following your numbers continue to grow, people are inspired by you, I really do hope that we can do another podcast in the future regarding some of those inspirational pieces that you've done in Sharla. But for this podcast regarding all the how to deal with public criticism, I think a lot of people, including myself have benefited so far. Thank

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you again for having me here. It's an honor. So I want to ask you, how can we learn more about you and let my listeners know? How can they find Yes, especially online? Can you give us some of the links that you have? Yeah, well for Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, just Google Search me? Yes, it says 89 That's why a and b, th e. Sp a V 89. can find all my channels there my pictures, I suppose. And if you have any questions or inquiries, you can email me at [email protected] excellent. And with that, I'm going to thank yes dispatch for joining the Bubba Lee show this week and next week again, we're gonna have another amazing show for those people who missed the link Don't worry go to Bubba

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alley show.com Yeah, as as fast as links will be there. You can click right there especially if you put your headphones on you're walking around or you're at the gym or you're doing something that you can write it down. I like to thank all my listeners who sat down and listened to this whole thing to the very end Mashallah, you guys are amazing. Please go to Bali show.com. go to iTunes subscribe to soccer. Yes for coming on board again this week. You've been a big big help and inspiration to many sisters and inshallah for all the weird brothers who listening to us.

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Yes, you know who you are. Stop going to the how to video section. And with that, I'd like to thank her for everyone listening. This is Bob Ollie remind you just in case you forgot