Attaching to Allah #06 What Do You Do When You Cant Save Your Loved One

And I really didn't know my dad but my images of him just are not well

when a person's done of that is just in a lot of pain and he's constantly spitting up blood and wanting to drink more alcohol and I didn't you know, I didn't know what to do to comfort him or you know what to say I didn't even know like a person could you know drink themselves to death like that

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So it's one thing when you have someone to look forward to reuniting with, and this idea of righteous people that are looking forward to being in the company of the righteous. And that sort of being a means by which they continue to drive themselves with purpose. But in the case of the prophets, and with Ibrahim alayhi salam, that's not always the case. Right? You have people that you wish you could save. And if you think about Ibrahim alayhi, Salam Subhanallah, even the imagery of it, his father was the one who was behind him being thrown into that fire, his father ordered for the fire to be kindled, and then for him to be catapulted into it. And on the Day of Judgment,

Ibrahim is does not want to see his father thrown into a fire. He responds with kindness and love, despite all that was done to him, he wishes he could save him. And you see it in the story of his hack. And then the people have looked where the angels are on their way to destroy the people of little tiny Saddam. And he's given the bush throughout the glad tidings of his hack, or they sit on him and saw that they've been waiting for this child, right? 13 years after it's made. And now you have this hawk. And when he asked the angels, where they're going, and when he finds out that they're on their way to destroy the people, little tiny Saddam, then suddenly he starts to argue

with them, on behalf of the people who was already Saddam, he's trying to save them, like the joy of having this child, he's been waiting for his entire life, but he wants to save these people. That is the heart of a prophet. Right? Prophets are empaths, for the future as well, for the hereafter as well for people's dunya and for their, for their lives and for their after lives. And they know of the afterlife what the average person does not know they've seen what Allah has allowed them to see. And here they are arguing passionately, to their people, for Allah subhanaw taala and then on behalf of their people to Allah subhanaw taala, to save them. And I think that for many of us, like we have

to take a step back sometimes and remind ourselves, this wasn't just the experience of multiple prophets, Ibrahim is a new hire a painful way with his own son, Ibrahim with his own father. But this was pretty much all of the companions of the Prophet saw, I saw them, almost without exception, that they had someone that they wish they could save, and they were not able to fact I need all the long time. I know. He says that the only companion whose entire family became Muslim, parents, spouse, siblings, was a little bit close to the whole of the allotted time, that he's the only one who had that blessing of every single person in his family, eventually becoming Muslim. Even the

profit slice of them with Apple planted painful, painful, painful moments where he wanted to save up applauded, but he couldn't in Nicoletta adamant that you can't guide those who you want to guide. It's Allah who guides at the end of the day. Have any of you ever had that experience where you wanted to save someone so badly? That you were investing your own emotional energy to where you're almost losing yourself in that process?

I mean, it was, I was much younger than and it would be my dad and my dad passed away when I was a he has cirrhosis of the liver, he was alcoholic. And so

we used to live in New York when my mom got remarried, and came back to live with my grandmother. And I really didn't know my dad.

But my images of him just are not well,

when a person's done of that is just an a lot of pain, and he's constantly spitting up blood and wanting to drink more alcohol. And I didn't, you know, I didn't know what to do to comfort him, or, you know what to say, I didn't even know, like a person could, you know, drink themselves to death like that,

you know, unfortunately, but, you know, even being a kid, and, you know, being of faith, I wasn't Muslim yet, but, you know, just praying to God, that

there was something I could do to help him, you know, see, you know, the air of, you know, of His ways and come around from that. And so, I always think, if I had the ability to do something, or to make an impact, or, you know, always pray to Allah, you know, was there some reason, you know, that that happened, when I didn't have any, I guess means or capability to step in,

you know, you always want to you, that's the person, if I could go back and do whatever I could, to save, it would be, you know, be him. So

anyone else want to share, I don't think I have a specific person. But

I mean, I've been able to have opportunities to do a lot of work with the youth. And, you know, the youth, they're such, they're at such a young burmilla age. And they have, you know, in short, they have so much more of their life to grow into

themselves as personally, mentally, spiritually. And you always have concerned parents, you know, they come up to me and be like, how do I get them, you know, to love a law, how do I get them to love, you know, spending time with the Quran, are praying.

And at that moment, you know, you want to give so much of yourself to make sure that they get on the right path. But sometimes when you give so much of yourself,

there's burnout, there's that those thoughts that you're not doing enough, even the results doesn't come out. And that's where you really have to put, you know, trust in Allah that,

you know, he's the only one that's able to guy. And, you know, sometimes parents say, like, how do I grow? How do I raise my child to become like you and you're just like, subhanAllah, you know, the steps that we all probably had to go through, and events in our lives to get to where we are, and the fact that we're still alive, that there's many more opportunities for us to mess up. There's many more opportunities for us to stray away, and there's also many more opportunities for us to stay on the right path. And, you know, you wish the best for everybody in your life that you come across. But it's, you know, with

a recommendation on, you know, putting that trust in Allah that Allah knows what's best at the end of the day.

You know, when you're looking through the stories of these prophets, and you're looking through the stories of these companions,

one of the things you realize is that, you know, even the child of a prophet, who is literally in the companionship of someone who's receiving revelation, has to, at some point, make their heart fertile for that revelation. Like, if that's not a sign that you can't force religion into someone else's heart, I don't know what it is right? Living with someone who's receiving divine revelation. And still not seeing it

just shows you, you know, that everyone has their own journey. And everyone has to turn their own heart back to Allah subhana wa Tada. And one of the things that, you know, I often have to tell parents, especially parents dealing with their children who are making these mistakes, and sometimes the parents are hurting more than their children. Like please, you know, in a lot of talks about that painful experience when the the fatherly worry that he often nakoma I certainly donnini an overachiever cathodic requirements company. Law gives us that example the arrogant child that responds to their parents like leave me alone. Leave me alone. Are you telling me that you know this

is all fable this is all this is all just falsehood. These are stories. And people have come before me and nothing happened to them. Coca Cola Corona and company well now yesterday than Allah, we look at him and like Allah gives us the imagery. They're pleading with their children, please believe believe Whoa, do you believe and the child continues to ignore. Now? I think that it's important for us to humble ourselves to that experience.

And sometimes I have to tell parents that look, your kids are going to have to make their own mistakes.

and you're just going to have to be there for them, when hopefully they realize that they're making a mistake, and make sure that they know they can come back to you. And that really is one of those things where, you know, whether it's a close friend or a family member, you have to love them through their mistake without affirming them in their mistake. And in their mistaken ways to let them know at some point, you know what, I can't stop you. But I want you to know that I'm praying for you to wake up. And when you wake up, you'll always have me there. And that's what Ibrahim my son does with his father by the way after his father threatens him you know, boy, he might some

gives him this beautiful reminder that you know, yeah, but the in the halfway headache. Oh, my father, I'm worried about you. This isn't about me. I am a sucker down the middle right now that you'd be touched by punishment from the Most Merciful friend psychoanalyst, che Ponte, what do you and you end up being a companion of the sheep on I don't want that to happen to my father. And when his father responds with basically a death threat, Ibrahim ice, I'm so sad, I'm gonna make peace be on to you stuff, you know, like Robbie, I'm gonna go to my Lord and I'm gonna keep seeking forgiveness for you. Like, you just cut me off, but I'm not cutting you off. It's important for us

to love people through their mistakes sometimes and let them know, I'll be there for you. But at the same time, sometimes they got to make those mistakes for themselves, and you just hope that they'll be able to recover from it. And that that voice that you left them with, and that care and that compassion, it sticks with them in those moments when they're away from you, and hopefully brings them back. And there's one more dimension of this that I'll share you know, we're taught to love the profit slice on them more than we love ourselves.

And that's a challenge a daily challenge for the Muslim right like Do you love him more than you even love yourself? Let's go to Masada female T loss of a nice life and um when you lose someone that's beloved to you remember your tragedy and the death of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. And there's no person who exemplified that more than Rebecca just the whole the allot of time and hope. And Rebecca, you know, his father was actually the last holdout is father, right? His mom became Muslim early on his whole family mashallah becomes Muslim, but his father all the way up to Emeka

after this whole journey of his law, and everything that a little Beckett will the line of experience with the Prophets lie some that whole history in Medina, finally, at the very end, his father becomes Muslim, and his hair is all white. And he's, you know, at the end of his life, and there's so much joy, right? But then a look, it will be law and he's crying, Why is he crying, saying I know how much the prophets lie somewhat at that level Pilate. Like he felt almost guilty, like I'm getting to live this moment. And I know how much the prophets I wanted to have that moment with level upon,

which for us, as believers, when we're going through that, whether it's with the relative that we wish we become Muslim, or the person that we wish would become, we turn back to Allah subhanaw taala, like even the Prophet slice of them, who we love more than ourselves, had to struggle with that moment. And sometimes we remind ourselves of our pain, by comparing it to the pain that we feel when we think of the pain of our profit slice as a means of putting our pain in perspective, that even the profit slice I'm had to struggle with that. And we're going to have those moments, but we pray that Allah subhanaw taala allow us to be sources of guidance for the people that we love. So

sister, Sarah, there is obviously a lot of sadness, when you can't save someone that you love. But how do you deal with the emotion of guilt, that you weren't able to save someone that you love?

It's one of the most difficult experiences and it's a very unique type of grief. When you love somebody deeply you care about them so deep and because you care about them, and because you love them, you want to be able to save them and you're unable to do that. It's a very heavy experience.

One of the things that I think is is most helpful is when you realize that little salsa Salem used to constantly make dot for something in particular he used to always ask us parent that a yarmulke level globe that bit call reality, Nick. And why did he ask us translator for this? This thought that oh Turner of hearts keep my heart firm on the Dean on the faith. And why did he ask for this is because he says that the hearts are between the fingers of Allah pancetta and He changes them. He turns them in any way that he wills and when we realize that, that the hearts are between the fingers of Allah subhanaw taala it we're able to relinquish some of that responsibility. And some of

that guilt that comes with it doesn't relinquish the sadness. It doesn't change the desire

I hear that we have for this person to be saved. But it takes some of the guilt away because we realize that it's not within our power. And the things that we as human beings tend to stress about the most are always the things that are outside of our control, always the things that we can't change. And so how do we challenge channel this energy? Right and kind of challenge that feeling of guilt that that we're struggling with, is number one, like we said, remembering this, this fact that Allah's path that is in control of this, and then like we were taught, what we were seeing there is planting that seed, that that is our, that's our responsibility. You can't control a person's heart,

but you can control your actions, and your reactions and your relationship with that person to a certain extent. And so being able to focus on that is incredibly powerful. And, you know, sometimes we realize that the impact of something doesn't show up right away, but it can show up so so many years later. And even with the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, ALLAH SubhanA, Allah tells him, that your job, your duty, if they turn away, Your duty is only to share the message clearly. And that's our responsibility as well. And then finally, the other thing that's really within our control is prioritizing the relationship that we have with this person. That's a really, really big

deal. And I think that a lot of times people really underestimate how impactful having a good relationship with somebody can be in working to to guide them toward the path of Allah's path. And so not with just the intention of preaching, but just with from that place of love and care and letting this person know that I care and love you deeply. That prioritization of the relationship can also be really transformational, and can also help to alleviate some of that guilt and trauma. So has there ever been anyone that you wanted to save and you were able to not lose yourself in the process of trying to save? Please share with us a story below