Attaching to Allah #05 How Do You Cope With Grief And Loss

Sarah Sultan


Channel: Sarah Sultan


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You know, when we got that phone call that? No, that's it. It's like,

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what are you supposed to do? You know? How are you supposed to continue? How do you even wake up the next day?

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You know, getting through the next year, was probably one of the hardest years of my life

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but the journey more clearly Masana to you. I mean, the reality Robina what a cop will do.

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Rob Berners Lee, when he Where did he? What did he mean? Yo, Mayor Coleman, he's up.

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Think the most painful part of the story of Ibrahim Islam

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is the sacrifice of people.

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Right, he literally has to let go at some point of every single person that he loves his father, you know, as cruel as his father is to him. Look how big his heart is for his father, he still wants to seek forgiveness for him, he still wants to find a way out for him, he still doesn't want to see him thrown into the fire on the Day of Judgment. You know, his mother, his entire social circle growing up, gone. You know, he finally after all these years has a son, how jet is made, and you have to go drop them off in a barren desert, then you have to go sacrifices married, you know, subhanAllah after separation. Now you have to go sacrifice him. This house doesn't come for another 13 years,

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you know, subhanAllah over and over and over again. And if Ibrahim is some had that heart for his father, imagine the heart that he had first night. Alright, and harder. You know if his heart was so big, that he has all that love for his father, despite everything he's done to him, What then of his wife and his child, right? And how jealous and dismayed and this is really you know, even with the profit slice of it, right? You go through his life. And the scholars say subhanallah look, the prophets lie, some of them the most relatable human being in human history. He knows there is nothing that you can go to the prophets I said I'm with and he can't say I've been there. Loss of

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apparent loss of both parents dad passes away before he's born mom when he's six, Grandpa when he's nine, uncle's dead on dead spouses, two of them. Cadiz all the Aloha, anhand, Zayn and Ben Hoceima will be a lot of time on. So these are the low and Xena below the line and then children, six of seven, he buries themselves along with the seven, six of seven.

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I mean, to me that's unfathomable, right like, and not just six of seven, but all at different stages of their lives as well, like the pain of burying a child that was just born. And the pain of burying a child that you live to accompany and see as an adult. And subhanAllah. You know, ironically, and in a very powerful way, you know, as we're talking about Ibrahim is the most painful, the most painful death that you see of a child because it was witnessed by everyone in that point of the CLS Ibrahim, when he finally has a son, Ibrahim, Ibrahim passes away. And it deeply moves the prophets of Allah on you. So no,

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I think that when you're talking about loss, I mean, personally, my entire life. You know, since the loss of my mother, I will have mercy on her being defined by that loss.

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That is probably the most difficult trial that you face. And it's one of the most relatable when it comes to the prophets.

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Do any of you have a story of loss to share in this regard and how you found some comfort and the Prophet Muhammad sights on them or while he might use them where you have to find a reason to live after losing someone who was such an important part of your life? So there was a when I was in college, I used to live on my own. And then, you know, my grand grandparents, you know, they're getting older, and, you know,

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my mom and everybody else, they're, you know, they moved to like different countries and whatnot, sort of my grandparents were all by themselves. My my mom asked my grandparents to kind of come, you know, live with me, so I'd be able to take care of them. And, you know, they're getting older. My grandfather had Alzheimer's. So, you know, I would, you know, make sure you know, he's he's able to go to the bathroom, even like when he would sit down on his bed. He wouldn't know what to do. So I would have to literally hold

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Call them and be like, no, no, you have to lay down now, the only person for some reason he would listen to and would recognize me, even when none of my family members can understand how that happened, but I was the only person to I guess I was the only constant. It was, funnily enough, it was each other. Just a week before that. I remember, like, when I was bringing him in, he stopped by the doorway, he held the door. And he just raised his hand, it was like, well, Allah give this give this boy, everything he wants. And that's it. And he after that, you know, he was admitted to the hospital and whatnot. He didn't speak. And, you know, so. And then when he passed away, you know,

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again, I was a teenager, and I was busy with my friends and whatnot. That was my first experience of actually, you know, I used to, you know, give him a shower or whatnot, when he was alive, that was the first time I could do it, after he passed away, and then luring him into his grave in India, you know, it's kind of old school. That was my, the first time I felt the feeling of loss was very difficult. And I feel like it was that moment, when I felt something changed. You know, I felt what loss truly meant. I've never shared this with anybody, but you know, that that moment in my life, change everything. And I do feel like Subhanallah one of the reasons why I humble Allah has blessed

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me with everything. And one of the reasons is, I feel like the DUA my grandfather made for me, even the profit slice on us will be logged on and says,

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the moment we left him in his grave slice, our hearts change, like we felt at that moment.

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I think it's really profound Subhanallah when when you're talking about this subject, that

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you know, sometimes you have to find motivation to live when you lose someone that was such a big part of your life.

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Does anyone else want to share anything in that regard? I'm not gonna force it. Yeah. So for me, it was my grandmother, who is, to me not only like a second mother, but she's really the reason why I'm a Muslim. Today, she left behind her family.

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To accept Islam, she left behind everything she had, literally the only thing she had on her was her clothes. She left everything behind.

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And euros.

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In her case, you know, knowing that, you know, her, her parents were not Muslim to see her, you know, witness loss.

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That was one thing. And then for me to, you know, when we got that phone call that, you know, it, it's like,

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what are you supposed to do? You know, how are you supposed to continue? How do you even wake up the next day?

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You know, getting through that next year, was probably one of the hardest years of my life, just, you know, trying to find purpose in his getting up and going to school every day.

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I think for me, what helped me through it was just

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knowing for me, there are two things, one thing was to try to live on her legacy, because she did this for us, and we have to learn, it's our turn for her. And the other thing was, you know, looking to the example of the possible audition, and Ibrahim is both,

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you know, and seeing the way that he dealt with, especially his son's loss, you know, seeing the words that he said at that time

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reading about the way that he, he felt grief, knowing that that's okay, knowing that this is this is a human moment, it's okay. And just like the way the possible autism got through, and he got through the loss of many others, you know, we'll find a way through. And so I think that for me, like, that was the light and it was like, Okay, if there's, if there's got to be, like, do this, there's got to be a way to get out of this. So I think, you know, really reading as well, a lot of time reading at that time. The story, the story of jacobellis and genocide is that you see somebody's, like, you're reading these different stories. I think that was really what helped me through navigating my

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emotions. Most stories, really, they hit hard and those moments when you're when you're there, I think a lot of people in COVID Obviously, you know, especially with grandparents and elderly people in the family really experienced that. That particular type of grief but it's really interesting. You touched on something even the Sahaba were stunned by how much the prophets lie some grief

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but that's because the profit slice I loved that much and it's actually a really interesting point here that as much as the profit slice I'm loved the law.

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As much as he found the cool

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witness of his eyes and his prayer. Like, would you settle the Allahu anha, or antecedent medical, the law or ideal, the law and who say the prophets lie Psalms love was timid, wasn't intense, it was intense. He really, really loved his family. He really loved his companions. But he loved a lot more. And that's actually what makes this so profound is that the believer does not love Allah in a way that makes them emotionless with their family and the people in their lives. They love their family, even for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala because it what do you what do you mean? How do you love your family for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala you love when they grow towards Allah

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subhanaw taala you would fulfill their rights upon you, you would give to them, you, you thank Allah for them, you see them as a blessing. And you're constantly trying to grow together so that you can be reunited under the shade of Allah subhanaw taala. And so there's this, this constant sense of

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loving Allah, while loving these people in your life. And at the same time understanding that you seek a day where you're reunited with them, with Allah subhanaw taala that that's sort of the ultimate prize, right? The ultimate prize is, when we all get to come together. You know, I have my family, I have my prophets lie. Some of them, have my lord, like, that's really that moment that you seek. I think in the case of a boy, he might Islam, you know, subhanAllah I think about often with him, you know, in this regard, look, he he doesn't get his father.

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You know, he doesn't get his father. That's something we'll talk about.

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Next, but

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I imagine the pride when he sees a muscle loss on the night of the slot on Mount arch, like walking up to him. Like, there's my son.

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There's this money, there's this hawk. And I'll actually share with you all something that happened that was really interesting. You know, kids ask the hardest copy the questions. They ask these questions like I don't know how to answer. So I remember my daughter may ask me, she must have been five, six years old, she goes Baba, that is hack ever meet this made? And I was like, I've never thought of that, you know, somehow all the tough seed and all that stuff. I never thought did they ever get to be together. And we don't actually have, you know, if not to the pot, like a moment that they actually met with each other that's established. And you think of it now, Ibrahim, it has

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Suriname with all of his family all together, you know, in the realm of the believers. And as believers, that's really the prize, right? Seeking that moment. And sometimes, you have to remind yourself, that they've gone to a destination, we hope

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that we hope to be in, you know, in sha Allah. And that's where it all really comes back together with the instability of place with the pursuit of Paradise and the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala when those people that you love.

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So sister, Sarah, it's probably one of the most difficult things one can face. How do we continue to move forward when we lose someone that means so much to us?

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Losses are an inherent part of our lives. Obviously, when we think of the word loss, we think of the death of somebody that we care about. But the story of Ibrahim it said, is filled with different types of of losses. We see the loss of his relationship with his father, which is a which is a tremendous loss, even if his father was still alive. We see the almost near loss of his son, when he was being asked to sacrifice him is mine. We see so many losses, and we see that in the lives of all of the prophets. SubhanAllah. And so how do we navigate that grief that comes with the losses that that that are inherent in all of our lives, whether it's because of the death of somebody that we

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care about whether it's because of a divorce, whether it's because of a dream, that we we picture in our lives, that doesn't come to fruition? Whether it's a struggle with infertility, as we also see in the story of Ibrahim is that, um, there are so many losses that we have to cope with. So how do we navigate that?

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One of the things that's really important, and I think it's actually one of the most important things, psychologically, is not to avoid the grief, to give ourselves the time to grieve, to realize that grief is actually a manifestation of something really beautiful. It's the manifestation of the fact that we have love, but we don't have a place to put it. Whether that's in the death of somebody or in a relationship you wish you had with somebody that you don't have

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And then so and using using that, that grief, allowing yourself to, to feel it actually research has found that one of the most helpful elements in being able to move forward while you're grieving is to actually give yourself times to reminisce about the person that you've lost, assigning yourself time to be able to think about that person to reflect on that person. And so that is incredibly powerful, because it allows grief a place to go so that it doesn't become unhealthy or detrimental to you. And it also allows us to realize that we have this opportunity to continue to connect with that person, even if they're no longer physically in our lives, whether because of passing away, or

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whether because of a severed relationship. And in our Islamic tradition, there is something incredibly beautiful about allowing our actions to continue to allow us to connect with this person. And we allow ourselves to build meaning, which is actually one of the stages of grief, and to build legacies for ourselves but also for this person that we care deeply about, you know, whether it's through making diet for this person, whether it's through a set of kajaria this ongoing charity that we can do for this person, or whether it's something beneficial that this person has shared with us, that we can continue to keep alive, even if that person is no longer with us. And allowing for that

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legacy can help us to stay connected to that person and to process our grief in a way that inshallah will be healthy and beneficial. If you're benefiting from this content, then please make sure to click subscribe and make sure that you turn on your notifications