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Friends That Hold You Back
Channel: Omar Suleiman
File Size: 18.33MB
Episode Transcript ©
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Dear brothers and sisters in this period of isolation, where we have had a chance to reassess so much about our lives. One of the discussions that has frequently been brought up is the role of relationships in our lives. human connection in our lives, the way that families have been obviously separated and distant from one another. There are friends maybe that you had not seen for an entire year or a year and a half friends, maybe that even passed away in this time of isolation. But you had this opportunity to really take a step back and to reassess. In a time where people were moved from the public space to the private space, you reassess how much the public influence got to you,
and in what ways and how much you're able to generate or what you've been missing out on, in your private spaces. And somehow alone when we talk about friends, often, at least in my experience, the recent years discussions about friends usually are when you're talking to young people, you're talking to teenagers about friends, you're talking to kids about friends, the importance of good friends, avoiding bad friends, but one of the things that fascinates me is that when you look through the books of Ischia, the books of spirituality, this is not an age discussion. This is not an age specific discussion. It's not a discussion that applies to one group of people. Because the
only thing that changes with age are the dynamics of friendships, but the idea of friendship is still very much there. Nor do we find that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam who you can often derive by the the way that he addressed the people who he was speaking to, no nor do we find the profit slice I'm speaking to only one group of people. Rather we find the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Alma Dini Hari, that barely a person is on the religion of their friends that younger hadoken Manu Khalid, so not one of you pay very close attention to who they take as a friend. And by the way, if a person is on the religion of their friends, what then of their spouses,
okay, the idea of influence and someone that you're going to spend a lot of time with, and unfortunately for many people they marry for reasons outside of these things, and they try to fit in the dean fit into character and everything else. If what makes you a pleasing person in the sight of Allah subhanaw taala is Dean and hope, religion and character. And those are the two most fundamental things you look for in a spouse. That is because ultimately, you want someone who's also going to rub off on you in regards to their religion and in regards to their character. So Helene is someone who has a very close friend. And the aroona talk about this in multiple ways. They say the
best relationship. The best relationship is the one that's initiated feedlots Allah is the one that's initiated in the remembrance of Allah subhanaw taala. And it may be in fact that two people who have absolutely nothing else in common come together on the basis of their love of Allah subhanaw taala and their passion for the deen and that is the means by which not only they enter into Jenna but by which they are envied by the prophets on the Day of Judgment.
Because the Prophet slice of them said that those who love each other for the sake of Allah subhana wa tada on the Day of Judgment have these manabu of newer these puppets of light. everyone admires these puppets of lights, they're in the shade of Allah's throne. Why? Because friendship is precious and it was initiated only upon their love for Allah subhanaw taala they came together on the basis of that love of Allah, they parted from one another on the basis of that love of Allah subhanho taps the best friendship. It is the friendship that we find musante his Salaam, speaking to Allah subhanaw taala asking Allah for how long it has set up? How long was already his brother, but he
asked the loss of Hannah which Allah to appoint him to share the task with him, which would be he as he wish to the coffee on retainer, sub B Hakka katheer on one of pooraka kathira inaka Quinta, Vina vasila I'll strengthen my resolve will strengthen each other's will resolve because sometimes, when you have a righteous companion, when you have a righteous friend, and your own resolve starts to wither, maybe you're not even recognizing it, that person pushes you and pushes you and pushes you so will remember you frequently together, will pray to you frequently together will carry this amount of this trust of religion together. Oh Allah, this dalawa together. So that is the most ideal
relationship and it's the beauty of the relationship of the Sahaba what puts an elbow back here and I've been Masood may Allah be pleased with them in the same room together. What puts Alma and beloved may Allah be pleased with them in the same room together to become the best of friends what puts these people in the same room together except for the love of Allah subhana wa Tada.
And that pursuit of Alas, pleasure. And so the best relationship is the one that's initiated. For the sake of Allah subhanaw taala and nourished with the sake of Allah subhanaw taala. For the sake of Allah, the worst relationship is the one that's initiated an evil, right? And a bad relationship. And this is something that's very important as a nominal is not a document that points out something that started in evil rarely can be rectified to good
started a relationship for the wrong reasons. It leads you to the disobedience of Allah subhanaw taala that's rarely going to get better. Right? Those are the relationships that you just have to move on from, then there's something very insightful that he says, most relationships that we have, are either relationships that we didn't really choose their relationships of convenience or circumstance. So for example, you know, friends, close friends, someone of the same age at some point went to school with this person, we were here we were their communities came together. So their relationships that were kind of forced upon us in a way, right and especially family
relationships, or the second one relationships on the basis of interest. Okay, not Riba interest as in, you know, like mindedness and things of that sort.
Now, the problem comes where, when your interests change, and you want to get closer to Allah Subhana, Allah, and if you put too much currency in the friendships that were on the basis of interest, or the basis of whatever it may be, there's some something that's been developed are these bonds at this point, it's hard to walk away from those friendships, or at least to moderate them. If you don't find that one, the Sahaba became Muslim, they went to all of their old friends, and said, I'm not talking to you anymore. So now my income, I've got to pursue gender No.
Right? If anything, there was dalla calling people to Allah subhanho wa Taala. But there are relationships that even remains between some of the non believers that were not hostile. And some of the Muslims, the believers at the time that even remained, right and at some point became relationships that were fruitful because they board the fruit of Islam and those friendships and those families as well. But you start to try to make a change, and you kind of feel shackled. Because I don't know how to start letting this go. I don't know how to start hanging out a little bit less. I don't know how to break the mold of culture, you know, peer pressure. When you are
younger friendship when you're younger, the pressure that comes when you're younger, again, this is an age specific discussion is more about individual expectations, and trends and cliques and the worry of being blamed. When you get older. Right. It's also cliques and expectations. And it's like I've got to do parties, the way my friends do their parties, we got to gather the way they gather, we got to talk the way they talk those types of things. But it's more of the fear of loneliness and, you know, losing out on your friends, you don't go to school anymore, and make friends the way that you typically make friends. Here's what happens though.
What is consistent throughout is that the influence that your circles have on you is inevitable and not easily detectable. Every single person that you spend an extended amount of time with influences you whether you like it or not, whether you deny it or not, and in ways that you can't even connect or detect, right? You start talking the same way sometimes you start, you know, making the same jokes, you start being able to predict what that person is going to say and what that person can predict what you're going to say to an extent there is an influence your character starts to change, your standards start to change the things that you see as objectionable or not objectionable,
praiseworthy, or not praiseworthy, that all is going to impact you whether you like it or not, whether you're 17 years old, or whether you are seven years old.
Your group will rub off on you and it's not about whether or not it will rub off on you it's about the extent to which you let that rub off on you okay and that's why there's a saying a slot he will say I have a slot have a companion is isathub someone who drags you in that you know agenda invader now either drags you to paradise or drags you to Hellfire literally the profits lies on him is that you will be resurrected with the people that you love the people you hang out with are those are those the people you hope to be around on Yom Okayama? Are those the people you hope to show up on the Day of Judgment standing with you that you think will have the best chance of making an argument
for you? Or are you going to say Oh God, I hope I'm going to pretend I don't know this person. Who do you want around you on the day of judgment? That's who you should be around in this dunya Who do you want around you on the Day of Judgment now the influence is subtle and the profit slice I'm talks about these subtleties, right? Where the famous example of a person who sells musk and if you don't purchase a good friend is like a person who sells musk even if you don't purchase their product, their inventory. They're going to rub off on you. And you're going to smell good. Likewise, you have the opposite of that an evil friends a blacksmith right? Just think
About a smoker, right? No offense to the smokers here, but smoking is how long? Alright? Someone smokes cigarettes and you're around smoking, secondhand smokers, the smoke gets on you, you start to smell nasty, right? Even if you did not smoke the cigarettes yourself, right? There's something that happens to you in the process of all of this, right? So here's what the profit slice of them, teaches us to make of all of that. And here's where we come to our roadmap of how to make things of that. Remember Shafi Rahim Allah to Allah. He says, hibel sila Hina. Want us to minimum?
I love the righteous, even though I don't really consider myself to be amongst them, meaning you know what, when I hang out with the retina, and I hang out with righteous people, I don't feel like I'm at their level. I feel like they're better than me, loudly and analogy him shafa not only will I hope that their character will rub off on me. But I hope on the Day of Judgment, I would have their intercession. What a crossbow men try to hold mercy, and I hate the one who trades and evil. What in canasa, we couldn't. So we enforce the law, even if I feel like we have the same inventory. I don't like people that trade and evil even if I feel like we trade in the same inventory. So I love those
who trade in good inventory hoping that they'll rub off on me and they'll remember me on the day of judgment and testify for me.
And I don't like those who trade in evil because I'm afraid that you know, even though we might have the same inventory, those are not the people that I want to be around on the Day of Judgment. Hence, I remember that I thought a lot about him Allah Allah talks about this powerful way of approaching friendship.
Do you want a friendship? That's just Hello. people around you that simply don't make you do How long have you been allowed the Best Types of you know the best types of journeys and people that you can be around people that won't make you sin, you can enjoy what Allah subhanaw taala has allowed you to enjoy and you're not going to sin. That's a good step. But to be friends, people who actually inspire you with their very being, they inspire you with their head. He said Rahim Allah to Allah and His hichem in his wisdoms, let us help Mariela Yoon Hee Luca had who when I do look at Allah Hema Carlo who don't hang out with people who's had who state does not inspire you.
The state should be an inspiring state, there should be something about their character that you can identify something about their states that you want to rub off on you. If you can't identify it, then it's probably not the great great greatest friendship, especially if you can identify a bad trait that maybe I backbite more maybe I got support when I'm around this person I just things flow easier. No, someone who state inspires you and someone whose words direct you towards Allah subhanho wa Taala either they remind you of Allah subhana wa tada by remembering Allah subhana wa tada themselves and injecting the remembrance of Allah subhanaw taala in your gatherings or they are not
afraid to remind you of Allah when they see you distancing yourself from Allah subhanaw taala
some people in the name of friendship will support you, by praising you, when you're distancing yourself from Allah subhanho wa Taala.
They'll tell you, you do you, they'll tell you Good for you. They'll tell you, you're this you're that. I love you this that which is great to say I love you. Right at all times, but on sort of a haka. volumen, I'm alone, the prophets lie. Some says support your brother, when he wrongs and when he was wrong, how do you support him when he's wrong game? Stop him. You love that person? You're going to tell them when they're going far away, when they're distancing themselves. Now, of course, if that person themselves is far away, then Who are they to tell you that you're going far away? They don't recognize it in themselves. Why would they recognize it in you? So someone who's had is
there who is at a station that is better than you in this regard, and someone who will tell you when you are departing from your stated claim, where you want to be not someone who's going to congratulate you, not someone who's going to support you and you're not someone who's going to tell you hey, you know what, you know, I understand that it's been a rough time, no, someone out of love for you, that will have that tough conversation for you.
Because they love you more than they love your friendship. That's true love. They love you more than they love your friendship. So they're willing to have those conversations with you even if that means that it's going to compromise the friendship. They will not be supporters in evil, but instead they will be allies for your absolute academic what you are seeking in the hereafter. He goes on to continue to say in his hichem he says Rhonda McClinton will see and for our rockin Santa mink. So batoka men who were asked well Harlan MC, you might be a person who is completely musi away from Allah subhanho wa Taala but you see yourself as a morson
You see yourself as a as a person who excels a good Dewar. Why? Because you're with someone who's in a worse state than you. And so you see virtue in yourself.
That's a powerful idea. If you're around people with no standards, then your standards are going to fall, your standards are going to fall. And then you're gonna look at yourself and you say, maybe I'm not so bad. Right? I'm ahead of the game. Because if I compare myself to this group of people, then I see that I'm doing really good, I'm doing really well. So sahiwal himer, a person who has ambition to please Allah subhana wa tada should surround himself with people of him.
People who also have that ambition to please Allah subhanho wa Taala. And to be intentional about forming those relationships, and to not be shackled by the standards that have been set by previous friendships and previous relationships. And if you can't see the difference in your heart, after being around someone who reminds you of Allah subhana wa Tada. And being around someone who has no connection to Allah subhanho wa Taala, then you're probably not being honest with yourself. If you don't see an actual difference in your heart and in your own had your own being by just being around people who remind you of Allah subhanaw taala, or being around people who remind you of the
opposite. And so do your brothers and sisters. At the end of this all, one of the things that we learn from those that came before us is that our relationships are not just limited to those that are living. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam passed away from this world. He already established a relationship with us. He already established a relationship with us. He already talked about his love for us. Sometimes the relationship that you have with the people of the past the law, you could feel like they're your friends, you can feel like they're your companions, you read about great people and no greater people than the companions of the Prophet, slice alum, you might start
feeling like you have a connection to them and that they're your own companions. They're your own friends, sometimes those are the relationships that will get you through the hard times. Sometimes those are the relationships that will give you them I'll see, that will give you advice, when you can't find any advisor amongst the here amongst those that are alive around you. So a tan look when Nabi sallallahu wasallam will be happy to connect yourself to the Prophet slicin him and to his companions, and to his companions, those who Allah is pleased with and hopes that even when I'm reading their stories, even from the books, their habits and their ways and their perceptions and
their perspectives will rub off on me. And I'll start to find that that shifts my worldview as well. And that that becomes my way as well. May Allah subhana wa tada allow us to be amongst those that are positively influenced by those that inspire us and that influence others and inspire them towards Allah Subhana which Allah May Allah Subhana Allah allow us to abandon anything that is displeasing to him anything that serves as a barrier between us and Him. May Allah subhanaw taala overlook our shortcomings, and join us with the greatest companion from those that he has created the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and grant us his companionship of Lafayette and Allah in
general for those along that I mean, there was a lot of luck when he started Muslim infrastructure opened a hole for him
hamdulillah salat wa salam ala rasulillah while he was talking to him and voila long film you know and what me not willing Muslim you know what a Muslim out here even on while I'm watching like a semi on curry Buddha Buddha Allah, Allah Fernando our ham net worth one hour webinar while I'm not enforcing our lunch after lunch, oh, Tara Hamner, then akuna Minal ha serene la mina, careful one Karima to hibbeler half of our one alarm of delivery Dena robot hamanaka model bonus era we're gonna have a dynamic as well as you know the reality of karate Aryan Sakina imama alarm on select one and mustafina fimasartan Auto mava alarm adequate lighting in a bit louder meanwhile Regina with wind
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