Parents & Money

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some time ago, I gave a whole series of numbers about the rights of parents and how we should be the best to them. But you know, after that, I received many messages, emails, requests and questions that have to do with real life situations about people, you know, in family matters having to deal with their parents and parents having to deal with their children. And they, you know, like to get advice about how they can apply what Allah says in the Quran. And this is actually a sign of duck love a lot of people are, you know, someone's worried that the way they're dealing with their family member is not in line with what Allah wants. So there's there's two kinds of questions you can ask

right? You can ask questions about your rights. And you can ask questions about your responsibilities. And what happens a lot of times is when we come to Islam, all we want to know is our rights. Like, I tell me what I can tell my parents so they can get my rights, or tell me what I can tell my wife so I can get my rights or my husband's I can get my rights. So you want to come to Islam, to get the answers that will put you in a more secure position.

And that's kind of what Islam becomes. So the entire conversation about religion just becomes about what you get out of it, or what you can remind someone they're not doing in the name of Islam. While it's true that our religion does give us rights, and it's also true that a lot of times our religious rights are not being given, that happens. But we don't come to the religion to serve ourselves, we come to the religion to seek truth, which means it's always balanced. Allah has given us rights, and Allah has given us responsibilities. So you cannot ever look at any situation, any relationship whether it's between us and Allah, or us and another human being, and only look at one

side of the equation and get the entire picture. Allah did not give one human being complete advantage over another human being in any way, shape or form. The only one that has complete advantage over us within humanity is Allah's Messenger. sallallahu wasallam. That's it. As soon as I saw them, we have to obey Him. Absolutely. Right. Allah created an equation in obeying Allah and our loyalty to her to our messengers, and not even questioning him. You can even question something he does. You can ask him questions as different, but you can't question him to do that and alula Hola, como como su Ella Mousavi. Are you looking to question your messenger? Is that what you want to do?

The way Musa was questioned before? Well, then you will go for will Imani Bala Sawa Sabine, and whoever replaces their faith with disbelief has gone You know, from far away from the the right path. What that means is questioning your messengers actions, and questioning the rightness or the wrongness of what something did. done by the Rasul of Allah Islam. That's the same as leaving the faith itself to Allah, so you don't even believe so it's it's a it's a fundamental condition of our Iman that we accept the perfect character of Rasulullah sallallahu sallam. And when we don't understand something, we seek to understand it, but we never question our messenger. But any other

relationship outside of that has rights and responsibilities both. It's a given a take a teacher and a student, for example, the teacher doesn't have all the rights, and the student doesn't have all the responsibilities. A teacher doesn't have the right to humiliate their student. A teacher doesn't have the right to hit their student or to beat their student or to torture their student or whatever else. A teacher has responsibilities has the responsibility to be the best they can be to the to teach the subject. They have to be sincere towards for the benefit of the student. They cannot take advantage of the student. There are responsibilities that come with being a teacher, just like there

are responsibilities that come with being a student. And the same is true of

parents and children. Like in the door that we make

For our parents, a lot even hinted at not only the rights that they have, but also the responsibility that they have come out on bionics of the law. And so this law, the way they nurtured me and raised me when I was small, what does that tell you? The parents responsibility is to nurture and raise, to make sure that the child is growing in a healthy way, in an emotionally safe place. They're taking care of their finances, their food, their shelter, their clothing, they're making sure that their religion is being nurtured and they're being nurtured as you know, balanced and healthy slaves of Allah like that's their job to grow this plant to nurture, right, that'd be a

that's the word that's the muster from the word rock bottom it becomes tarbiat and so the idea being that we have to be the best we can be to our parents, but the flip side is also true there are responsibilities on the parents side also. So these are just some introductory comments. What I wanted to focus today on is just some firstly and a reflection from this I have the Quran is really unique place in the Quran is number 151. of soret. anon, Alta Allah at Luma Rama Rama Kamala Khan, the messenger is commanded to say Come on, I will read to you I will I will recite on to you the things that your master has made her on. So this I will be about a list of things that are Hara.

Okay, so let's go through that list real quick. And the two she could be here and that you won't commit any * with him. Obviously shake his head on, that's easy to understand. I'm going to skip a little bit and keep going. When I talk to Lola de la pena Sakuma Jaco via home. And don't kill your children because of bankruptcy. Were the ones who provide all of you and provide them also, without a sham Avraham in Havana, batana and don't go near any acts of shamelessness, the ones that are hidden, the ones that are obvious and the ones that are hidden, without absolute necessity haram Allahu Allah would have and don't kill any person that Allah whose life Allah has sanctified, except

when there's justified reason, meaning except there's rule of law, except there's justice. That ECOSOC can be here, that is the council Allah has given you that I look into takuan Now let them talk, you know, so that you can understand So you saw list of things that are hot on shift because what I'm killing your kids because even if you're going bankrupt, is taking their life is

going near any form of shamelessness is what are the ones that are obvious and the ones that are hidden different forms of them? killing a person? This is pretty, pretty obvious harems. Right. So pretty obvious list, but I skipped one part on purpose. I skipped one part on purpose. So you can now we'll insert it in its proper place. And you'll see why I skipped it. He started by saying let me tell you what a lot your master has made haram on you that you will not do shake with him meaning with a lie in any way, shape, or form. What will Wiley Dany sonnen, and you will be the best you can be to your parents, when it comes to both parents, yes, and you will absolutely be your very best.

But being the best to your parents has nothing to do with her.

being the best to your parents has to do with something you should do not something you shouldn't do. And the entire IO was a list of things you should not do is it wasn't it? It was don't do *. Don't kill, don't, don't don't engage in shamelessness. So those uh, don't, don't, don't don't. And before, right after schicke, Allah says and be the very best you can be possibly to your parents is a really interesting place where you were expecting all the prohibitions, this is prohibited, this is prohibited, this is prohibited, this is prohibited. And there should be another place. Here's one of the commands you write. And when you have a list of commands, one of those commands could be, you

know, be the best to your parents. That's a command. That's not a prohibition, it's a command. But I'll put this command in the middle of prohibitions to teach us something. And the first thing I want to do is help you understand what that lesson is. That lesson is a pretty heavy one. You see, when it comes to our prayer, when it comes to our prayer, there's a minimum that if you do it, your prayers good enough.

It may not be the best, but it's good. You met the minimum requirements, right? When it comes to fasting, there's a minimum requirement if you met that requirement, your fasting is still good. Right? Okay, so let's just say somebody fasted when while they were fasting the red pill on the whole day, or they worshiped a lot the whole day. So pretty amazing, fast, fast, plus all that worship, and somebody else fasted. And the moment they first started, they passed out then they woke up, prayed, passed out again. Well go pray passed out again. And then mother came and they had a flood.

They had a coma coma Fest, right. But did they meet the minimum requirements? Yeah, it's I mean, it's not. It's not the best but they still fasted, they met the minimum requirement. Somebody you know who made will do who face the proper direction, who work pure clothes, and prayed their Salah.

They met the minimum requirements. Even if they were distracted in their prayer, even if it wasn't that great of a prayer, even if they may be sometimes rushed a little bit, or chose to recite the short as soon as they know just to get it over with, even if they did that they at least still met. And I'm not recommending any of it. But technically, did they meet the minimum requirements? Yeah, you can't say they did something wrong.

Right? What I'm trying to say is, if sand means the word Hassan means you do something at the best you can do it.

But if if you don't do your best, that doesn't mean you failed. That doesn't mean you're in trouble. Like, it's like saying, If I don't get 100, I fail No, I can I can get an 85 I could still pass a 70. Still, I mean, 65 is passing in most schools now. Right? So 60, okay, at least. So it's a D was not an F.

It's not enough. So it's, I still move on to the next class A, it's not the best score. But in the list of things that are hard on, this is what I want you to visualize when a lead makes a list of things that are hard on a lie, saying anybody who crosses this line has failed.

Anybody who crosses this line is in trouble. And I would argue that in the Quran, when it comes to our parents, our parents are the only ones that if you don't do if you do anything less than your best, that's

because of desire. Because desire is about things that are why

it's a scary thing that Allah didn't even expect a son and every prayer. He didn't expect ersan in every dealing. He didn't he didn't say around for you to be short of his son.

But in when it comes to parents, anything short of your very best is a violation. It's a violation. And he put it right after Schick

and he put it before murder.

So it's not a small violation, it's still it's a pretty big violation. So this is to give you an idea that in our religion, parents are a huge deal. They are a very big deal. But as big of a deal as they are. And as important as that is for every slave of Allah to recognize. We can also never forget that I for example, right now, as I speak, I have my parents, so I'm thinking about them and their rights. But I'm also a parent myself. I'm also a parent myself. So I could be thinking about this whole diet and thinking about everything I owe my parents. I could also be thinking, as I give this football man, my kids better be listening to this. So they figure out what they owe me. Because

y'all owe me nothing short of a son. And if you don't give me a son, then you're doing heroin. Yeah. Then you doing harm. So I could use this football as either something to look at myself, or I can use it as a lethal weapon against my children. I could do I could do either one, I have a choice. Because I'm playing both roles, aren't I? Right, and what responsibilities but as a slave of Allah who comes to Allah's book with humility,

my job is not to come to the book, to find what will put me at an advantage. My job is to find out if I'm not if I'm not doing something wrong, it's about me before it's about anything else, when you start reading the Quran, so you can find things to point at somebody else. That's, that's when your relationship with the Quran stops. That's when it stops, because now you're using this book to point fingers at who does what wrong. And I no longer look at myself, I no longer see this as a book that's talking about me. I see this as a book that's talking about everybody else. The top the topic of this hotel was parents and money. And it's within this axon that I wanted to within the context

of a son, I wanted to say some practical things about parents and money.

There's a common, very commonly misunderstood, saying of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam that has been explained throughout our scholarship. It's not an explanation of the explanation I will give you today is not mine. It's been discussed in the shadow of this hadith across the schools of thought. mohabbatein have talked about it it's been discussed exhaustively, but doesn't matter how much the people of knowledge have discussed it. What people do you know, when people just want to pick something that puts them at an advantage. This is one of those kinds of studies. So it's a famous Hadith of the Prophet sostenere where he told a man and our mitochondria because there are other

similar Hadith like this, you and your money means money into Omar Luca, Leah Vika belong to your father.

You and your money belong to your father. So situation happens I'll be hypothetical instead of talking about the emails I've received. So I'll make up a scenario. You've got somebody who just, you know, started a business, some some young man got married, he's got an apartment. And he's, you know, paying the rent and trying to save up a little bit, you know, and maybe they're expecting a baby or something like that. And his dad calls and says,

Hey, I'm starting a new business. And I don't want to get a loan. And you know, if I go to the bank that they'll they'll charge interest on the loan that's Haram. So you need to give me X amount of money so I can start the business. Right? And the son says, Dad, I can't afford to give you that right now. I can only give this much, but I have expenses of my own. Haven't you heard the Hadith and tamanu Kali abacha? You haven't heard you and your money belong to your father.

You really this and you pray you pray and you claim to follow the Sunnah of the prophet and you forget this hadith. What's wrong with you? So what's happening now, the father is telling the son, look at what the prophet said. So I said, No, he said, You and your money belong to your father, and therefore your mind and your money is also mine. Right? So here's the problem with that.

If it's not already obvious to you, let me make it more obvious you

Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam clearly said in this hadith enter one person.

And he's not saying until one while you complete our Ico, you all and your monies belong to your parents. somebody saying he sent you one person and your money are for your father, which means he's talking to one person. And until you know the story of who he's talking to, it's like or salsa lamb was the was the counselor for the entire oma people will come to him with their family situation. Right? Everybody would come to him with a different situation. So when somebody comes in, says, This is what's happening in my family. This is what's going on. And the prophet SAW someone finds out the whole story and then gives a gives a judgment. Do you think that if a different family comes with a

different situation, and explains the story to the prophets? I said no. And he will give them an exactly the same judgment? Or will it be a different judgment based on a different situation, it'll be different. Because in this situation, maybe the son has done something wrong. Maybe the son took advantage of the Father, maybe the son has been abusing the father financially. And the prophets, Elijah is compensating now for what the son has been doing wrong. And now putting the son in his place and saying you and your money for the things you have done belong to your father. There's context. But we even if we don't know the context, let's put that aside.

Everybody here knows that when the law talks about parents, who does he put first mother or father, he puts mother first.

And when he talks about being the best to your parents, then he highlights the incredible contribution of your mother every time.

So it will be valid any sudden, be the best you can be to both parents. And then after that hamdullah to move. His mom carried him, she fed him. Mother, Mother, Mother, you don't find an iOS, as you know, both parents, they be the best of both your parents and your father paid the bills and your father did this. And you're the father contributions are not mentioned like that, whose contributions are mentioned,

mom's contributions. And here you have two losses. And I'm saying you and your money belong to your father. But the mom just got skipped. When my mom won in the Quran. And in this religion, mom comes first. Somebody came to the profits I said and said, who deserves my best behavior? Who should I be the best to? He says your mother, the guy wants a different answer. So he says, and then who? And he says again, your mother, and then who? And then your mother and then and then your father, but when it comes to you and your money, they go straight to your father, that doesn't make any sense. That must mean we're not understanding something about this having from an Arabic point of view. Also,

the Lamb doesn't have to be for exclusive Rukia.

Okay, so it's it's not the only belong to your father, look at look at the rest of the religion. If let's just say no, no, no, this is this is what he says. This is what will follow. What does that mean, then? That everything I earned belongs to my dad. It's It's not my account. It's his account. It's not my car. It's his car. It's not my house. It's his house. That's what it means then, if that's what it means that when I die in Islam, when I die, there's inheritance, yes or no. And in the inheritance, there's the father get 100% because it was his?

Or does he get one sixth? Does he get a portion and siblings got a portion? And everybody else gets a portion allows law put these so when you're alive, it belongs to them. And the moment you die doesn't belong to you? That doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any sense. And if it were, if it didn't belong to you, why are you giving Jakarta, Jakarta?

If it doesn't belong to you, why are you giving charity from it? You're responsible for your own money. So what in the world does that Hadith actually mean? First, I want to explain to you what does it not mean? It doesn't mean that my money actually belongs to my father. The same way when my children grow up, I won't get to say to them, hey, that, you know, I need

I need your ATM cards and the pin numbers because untung What am I alone, Leah Beco? You and your money is volunteer, and what have been you and your monies, meaning your time because if I will, if I belonged to my father, then if he says quit your job, I better quit my job.

If he says, you know, leave the house, I better leave the house, I do you know what it does, you know, if he says, Don't talk to your children, again, I won't talk to my children because I belonged to my father, when a master owns a slave, and the slave does whatever the Master says, to the rules and regulations for my wife will come to my father, and the rules and regulations for my children will come from me. That's not what the Hadith is saying it all. That's not what it's saying at all. that's a that's a blatant misuse of what our beloved messenger said, so la hora de la Santa,

what is the correct? What is the Balanced View when it comes to parents and money?

All difficult again, I'm not saying something new. It has all been described already. This is not new information. It's just we're not aware of it. So we should be aware of it. So we don't misuse the prophets words. And they're not misused on us.

When it comes to the needs of my parents, when it comes to their needs, their comfort,

their comfort should come before my comfort.

Their needs should come before my needs, I shouldn't feel like I can just drink a glass of water while my mom is thirsty.

That's not okay. That's my mom, she deserves a son,

I will put, I will put my comfort second, I'll put my parents comfort first. Because that's, that's the least I can do. I that even that won't even compare to what she did for me. And what my father did for me, I wouldn't be standing on my two feet, if it wasn't for the two of them doesn't matter what I accomplished. And you know, sometimes the father is a farmer, or a taxi driver, you know, or doesn't have, and the son is a PhD. So the son has accomplished a lot more than the Father. But that PhD didn't come from the son, it came from the Father sweat, blood and tears. The father puts you in this position, the father said, I'll give my son a better future than I could give myself. So no

matter what I do for my father, or my mother will never be enough. But in my religion, I am not a slave to my father I am or my mother, I'm a slave to Allah. And Allah made me responsible to take care of myself, he may be responsible to take care of my spouse, my children, he may be responsible to take care of the cards, he may be responsible to take care of fundamental things using my money, using my money. And when I'm taking care of those responsibilities, and then above and beyond that, there is a need that my parents have, there's a need that they have them before they even ask, I should be taking care of.

I should be taking care of that need. before they even ask, you should know that your dad is in debt, you should know that there's a you know, the car broke down, you should know you should do something about it. If you if you can do something about it, you do it. But on the flip side, this is again, keep a balanced equation. On the flip side, when they're your parents, some people's parents are doing okay. And hamdulillah all the needs are met, their medical bills are paid. There's a roof over the head. The phone's working, the internet's working all. Everything's taken care of they're living comfortably. And then the parent comes along and says, I need you to give me $20,000

because I want to start a new business. No debt. I can't afford to give you that right now. No, no, I'm tomar Luca, Leah Vika, then you are under no obligation to give your dad that you're actually not.

You don't have to provide above and beyond what you know. Because sometimes what happens also is sometimes as our parents get older, then they

know hamdulillah I don't have that experience. But I've met people that haven't had that experience our parents become difficult to deal with.

And they make irrational decisions.

And they are and the other thing they do they might do is they might take from one sibling, hey, you have a good job, give me the extra money. And then they give it to the sibling who doesn't want to get a job, doesn't go to school system plays video games all day, and I want to give him the money. So you're not even giving to your parents. You're giving them to your your nincompoop, brother, you're giving them to the useless one who doesn't stand on his feet. You know? And so what are parents doing? They're actually helping. They're doing two things. They're doing an injustice to this child there because Allah did not give them the right to do that for from their child. And now

they're enabling the laziness and uselessness of another sibling. And some even worse one one son is in financial difficulty barely paying the bills having to worry about his kids spouse everything else. And the on the other side, there's a wedding happening and we should pay this this this much money for extravagant catering and all this other stuff. And this son's gonna pay for it. And if he doesn't

pay for it. Well, he's a bad son.

He's a bad No, he's not a bad son. That's just bad parenting.

And you are under no obligation to pay for extravagance, you're under no obligation to pay for 30 friends coming over on, you know, flights to attend this, will he buy and do this? You're not under any obligation? That's not that's not on you. That's extravagance? Are your parents taken care of and this is this is why is the Dutch to Malaysia and another Hadith of the Prophet Alayhi. Salaam, he said your children will are gifts of Allah to you. He said to the people, your children are gifts of Allah to you. You can take from their money when you have need of them. It occurs to me later, when you have need of that money. So if my father needed money, it would be a shame that he wouldn't

even even have to ask, I would actually I should be thinking about what he needs before he even has to say it. Because it would be embarrassing for him to have to ask his son or his daughter for money. It would be embarrassing. It would be embarrassed I would I would you know, want to run into a wall, run my face into a wall. If my mom came to me and said, Can I borrow $20

we're how oblivious Have I been that I don't know what my mother needs. Right? That's a shame on me. And she knows that I have and I just didn't care to ask or didn't care to take care of it. Right. So there are on the one hand, if you're able to take care of all of their needs, put a smile on their face, if you can give them gifts, give them gifts before they even have to ask. But if your parents are asking for things that are not needed, and they're putting you in difficulty, and they're taking money that is is the right of someone else, it's the right of your children's education, and now you're compromising your kids education, because they want to get a newer car. There are it's only a

2016 we need a 2021

that's a luxury. And that education is you know, is a more of a responsibility. You You and I need to have the sense to know which rights and responsibilities come first. And it doesn't matter how much somebody shames you and says you're being a bad son, you're being this or that you don't tell your parents or not like that. But if they are like that, don't take that guilt on and you don't have to debate or put my put this video on either. You don't have to do that. But you need to have the sense to know when to just remain quiet, not turn it into an argument, but not further, this kind of wrongdoing. Right? If they have a need some and the other thing is many of you come from

cultures where it's not your parents that have a need your parents have cousins or have other relatives they have needs. Right? Or they have maybe they have needs baby they have wants, they have wants and they know that you're a ticket to getting those ones. So they will come to your parents and your parents will come to you it's like a money laundering operation.

Right another son is being guilted for what they should give her the daughter's being guilted for what they should give. So somebody somewhere can get whatever luxuries new outfits shoes, whatever else. And all of this is going on in the name of what be good to your parents. Because the profit slice of them says you and your father belong your your money belong to your father. This is no good.

This is absolutely no good. In our Deen and by our extended family, what did Allah say? What Amala Allah subhana wa Koba. He gives us money, despite his own love of money to close people of closeness. If your cousin's in Pakistan or Bangladesh or wherever else Indonesia, Malaysia, if your cousin somewhere or some extended family needed help, then it's not your parents that need to funnel that money, you should be figuring out that yourself and say, Hey, they need help.

Because Allah said, to give money, even if you love money itself, and against your love of it, and also means out of love of Allah give that money to the close relatives who need it. But more than often, this is not about people who need it. This is about people who want it. This is about some, you know, brother, sister, cousin uncle who's like, I got a great business idea.

I just need a little bit of cash.

I know your your son's pretty successful, right? Come on, hit me up.

Or your daughter just got a job over there. Right? She just finished her math. She's got a good job right? hamdulillah Well, you know what, we don't have good money here. We're not living that well. So

you know, you should be grateful to Allah and so they shame they shame your parents, and then your parents and turn around and shame you. And all of this is done in this this corruption and this manipulation is done in the name of the noble words of our profits, a little Arsenal and the noble words of the Quran and that's not okay. That's not we shouldn't take a part in that

yet, so I hope I've painted somewhat of a balanced picture. On the one hand, there's no way I should be enjoying luxuries in my life.

comfort in my life when my parents are in discomfort, that should not happen. That cannot happen that cannot stand. If I can do something to make their life easier. I absolutely will. I'd rather be uncomfortable myself and see them in discomfort. It is not okay that some of you when you were able to travel, you're flying business class Your parents are flying economy class. If you have the money to fly business guys, you know what, put the money on your parents, you go sit him you go sit in the cargo van cotton business guys, they deserve that, not you

that it's the other way around. So all of us have to look in the mirror, all of us have to see, are we doing the best we can with our parents. And all of us have to ask ourselves where this is being taken in the wrong direction. And when it is being taken in the wrong direction. That is not justification for you and me to fight with our parents. Because even if they're doing something wrong, even then saw him Homer freedonia maluka, even if they were doing schicke, we wouldn't follow them but we would still treat them in a dignified way for ourselves. So even if this is happening, this is not licensed for you to fight with your parents. That's not what is called by Isabel. The

nuvista point about it's your it's haram to do anything less than your best. Right and doing your best when they're doing their worst is the test. Sometimes they're doing their worst and always asking you to do your best while they're doing their best, their worst milazzo will make us pass that test. May Allah make the children not be a trial for their parents. And may Allah not make the parents become a trial for their children, and may allow us to make all parents and children a means for them to serve Allah better and to bring their hearts closer to each other by following the beautiful teachings of Allah and His beloved messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. barakallahu li

walakum feel carotid Hakeem and finally we accompany it with the

hamdulillah vaca salatu salam O Allah Subhan Allah Maha tamina been Mohammed Al Amin. He called

us saloon Allenby

Lima Allahumma salli ala Muhammad Ali Mohammed

Ibrahim Mohamed Ibrahim, a Florida man in the middle Majid Allahumma barik ala Muhammad Ali Mohammed Ibrahim Ibrahim al al amin in the middle Majid de la Mola a lot in a lot more big waves and a tidal wave. You will learn capilla de la Allahu Allah. Allah in the salata, canon Nikita makuta