Channel: Mufti Menk
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
My beloved brothers and sisters
I'm trying this live today as the first live in many years on YouTube Subhan Allah and my brothers and sisters the reason why I've come on today is something of great concern.
Before I actually mentioned it, I'm reading your comments so if you could actually tell me if you can hear me inshallah so that I can proceed and continue
like I said, it's the first time I'm actually
coming on live on youtube Subhana Allah. So if you can hear me some Han Allah walakum wa sallam okay? My brothers and sisters, I have had cases of people who have
divorced their brides Brides, meaning newly married couples where divorce has taken place, because of a problem.
And I want to know, what's your opinion about this? I know from an Islamic perspective, but I want to see what the young girls and women and boys and girls, men think about this SubhanAllah. So
let me say Wiley como Salaam, to everyone who's greeting me. I can see your comments. Mashallah, Tara cola.
What I want to say is, it started off some time back there was a brother, a young boy who messaged me a guy in his 20s. And he told me, he said, Do you know what?
Sorry, can you hear me? Let me try and push that up.
Please let me know if that's a little bit better. Bismillah
Okay, so a young man messaged me telling me I, I was married a few weeks ago. And I need an I would like to divorce my wife. The reason is, I have met her several times before marriage. And I always saw her I liked her a lot. But she never appeared without makeup. And so when I saw her for the first time without makeup, she was very, very different, like a totally different person. And I felt deceived. I felt cheated. I felt like, this wasn't what I had actually got into. And although she was a good person, but I got up in the morning looking at a face that scared me, you know? So is it okay for me to divorce this person? on those grounds? Now, what is your comment? Guys? What would
you like to say about that? Because it's happened six times now in the last few months. To me, where people have come to me with a similar problem where they feel very deceived, simply because they didn't they did not see the person they married, even though they met that person several times. In one or two cases. They met them a lot. But
they say the makeup was such that it was a totally different person when we saw them without the makeup. So what I want to ask you is, please let me know. What do you what do you think? I mean, should a man tell the spouse that he wants to get married that I'd like to see you without makeup? Is that fair? Is it a fair question? Those of
I see someone saying don't judge someone by the looks, but you know, is it not considered a form of deception? When someone thinks, wow, I'm marrying someone gorgeous, but what's gorgeous is actually the way they've used
the makeup perhaps. And, you know, when they see you without it and they're entitled to then surely they feel deceived. I mean, what am I supposed to say? I am, I'm a religious leader. I am there to guide I don't want to hurt the young girls and the sisters out there. But I want to know what you as the general public field simply because I want to know how to be able to guide people. It's very difficult sometimes when you as a leader are put in the spot and you know, that why didn't you ask, Can I see you without makeup? In some of the cases they've said we have and they said no, this is who I am. I mean, take it or leave it you know, and don't judge me by my looks, but just
Me by who I am. Islam says that judge me by my character and my Deen and not by my looks so. And then the on the other hand, the boy is saying, Listen, I know that I judge you by your character and your deen. But Gosh, I'm supposed to know what you look like at least. So Subhanallah what is the content here of you guys?
It says, Yeah, they don't put makeup. I agree that a person, I feel that prior to marriage You should meet, you must meet. It's a Sunnah of the prophet SAW Selim to actually meet, he even instructed some of his Sahaba Who said I haven't met her. And he said, Go and meet her for in the VR unit on Sunday, she you know, you want to marry a woman from the inside, you will look into her eyes check. Look at her properly look at each other. It's not just one way it's both ways. So to be honest,
it is very, as much as we would like people to look good, and so on. But is a person who's about to get married to you, they want to see you do are they not entitled to ask you that? Look, I want to see you without makeup. Let's not become enslaved by that complexion, that Look, don't be embarrassed by your pimples, or a few marks that you have on your face. Because it's becoming a little bit too much when with the divorces that are occurring. I've told you in the last few months, there were six of them that came through me. So I've thought about talking about this for a long time. And I didn't get the opportunity, but it keeps coming up. That's why I said let me do a live I
want to talk to you, my brothers and sisters. What is going on? You know, people say well, this, don't you think we're enslaved? I was reading an article in the independent today. And in fact, I think it was out yesterday, where some of the non Muslim good ladies and women are saying with the mask, we feel liberated because we don't have to be judged by our makeup. And we're putting on this mask. And it's really something that is liberating, were judged for our service and for who we are. And we don't have to worry about what people think about us. So I thought that was a very interesting article in the independent.co.uk.
And something I learned also is when you want to get married to someone you are allowed to see them it's encouraged, you should not only see but you must meet I am from among those who says that you must meet don't marry someone without meeting them physically looking at them, talking to them, meeting them once, perhaps twice, perhaps three times. Yes. With the you know, with the guidelines that the Sherry I gives definitely, but you've got to talk to them. Come on, there has to be a spark there. You know, I do know that love will develop beyond marriage beyond the date of your marriage, it will grow, the sacrifices grow so much else grows. But the thing is now where we're faced with a
problem where people are saying, well, that's me, you know, with the makeup and then at night, or there was a brother who messaged me said my wife sleeps with the makeup imagine. So I'm thinking, What do I say? I mean, I have to marry the modern world and what we're facing with the Islamic law that is unchangeable. You know, we can't change that. But we can give you the guidelines we can, we can sort of help you to say it is your right to do X, Y and Zed and it is your right to do X, Y and Zed. What's the point of spending money, having a big wedding, having a massive party is paying so much doing so much. And yet you haven't even seen this person without makeup. Personally, I do agree
with the comments and I'm reading what you are saying someone is saying women are under pressure to have a certain look. Don't you think that is enslavement? You know, people say, well, the women who have covered are actually enslaved. Now I'm beginning to learn that you know what it is the other way around, because those who are
truly liberated or those who are who, who don't have to go with a thick layer of makeup such that the face is someone else you you don't recognize your own self. I remember a few years ago I delivered a talk and I said you know you you are allowed some makeup obviously as a as a woman who wants to beautify herself for the right reasons. But to what extent and jokingly I had said when if your phone can recognize you as the same person, then you've gotten to the right limit and the minute your phone doesn't recognize you with a face recognition, then you know that you've gone beyond the limit the limit Subhanallah so as much as I see a lot of girls and women loving a look
that's not true.
Leave them. My question to you, my beloved children, my beloved, all Mashallah I see someone's someone's donated to Hannah law, there's a feature on YouTube there, which has opened donations, you know, contributions handler, okay? So the features, don't get excited by showing features that are not you, I want to tell you be happy with you, you who you are, you know, whether you're white, or black, or dark or fair, it does not matter. Be happy with who you are. When people love you for who you are they ready to marry you for who you are, internally and externally, that's the person you're going to enjoy the rest of your life with. Remember that so you will enjoy the rest of your life
with a person who loves you exactly the way you are not a person who loves the fake version of you remember that. So if I'm showing a fake face, because I've got so much of makeup on my face, and like I said, I'm trying to strike a balance here, between the use of makeup and the abuse of makeup. So what you need to know is, it's very important for us, my brothers and sisters, to be transparent when getting married, you know, a person has to meet you imagine you meet someone else. And when you marry them, you say, but this is not the person. That's that's what I've been getting now, where people are saying, you know what, who I married, and who I knew before marriage, or physically to
different people, which means some people come up with, and I'm going to say this, because today in the world, people are talking openly about everything. You know, people have
a underwear that depicts organs that are not exactly the size they are simply because of an insecurity The world has enslaved your mind into believing your chest needs to be a certain size you're behind needs to be a certain size, your eyes need to be in a certain way your eyelashes need to be in a certain way, your lips need to be a certain way. Imagine a guy marrying you thinking you've got stubby lips. And the next best thing is you've just got normal lips. So he starts saying I feel deceived. That's what I'm getting. So we're facing a problem. And that's why we have to talk about it. I challenge the sisters who are doing makeup tutorials, and who are doing who job
tutorials and so on to mention these points when they're talking about things and doing these things. And to tell them let's not go beyond the limits. You know, let's not deceive people because people are getting married and divorced. And I think if we become enslaved by this notion that oh, I can look like whatever I want to look like, you know what? Don't be enslaved by that statement. You can look like what Allah has made you and yes, you use a little bit of, of makeup. I'm not saying no. But to go beyond the limit where you you're a totally different person. To me, it looks ugly, I'm sorry to say it's my liking or disliking. But now I'm further upset because now it's affecting
the children, the new generation, those who are getting married or saying share, come to our rescue. Please talk about this. It's a controversial thing. But we want you to know that what we as young boys are struggling with is we're marrying girls who are not exactly physically who we thought they were. Because, you know, body organs are a different size altogether compared to what we saw outwardly. And another thing is, when it comes to the issue of
you know, the face looks totally different. The lips are totally different size, the eyes a different size, you know, the cheekbones, we thought were high or not actually high, you know, and and what do I do now. So I've told you six divorces have taken place already. And that's what has prompted me to talk about this to my dear daughters. If you want to know who is truly liberated, it is the one who is totally satisfied with the way Allah has made them. Yes, if there is something wrong, you're allowed to correct it. If you can see, clearly you can wear glasses, if you can't see clearly you could have laser, if your nose is bent or your nose is broken, you can straighten it
because that is abnormal. If for example, your teeth are not right, you don't have a correct bite, you can actually straighten them or get them to have a better bite. If for example, you have a cleft lip, you can correct it. If there is something abnormal, you're allowed to fix it to what is normal, but should you be from among those who wants to live up to the trends such that you want to change things in a way that is deceiving to the people that you're going to be marrying? We've had now had cases of people who say I did not know that my wife had breast implants. And now when I found out that they are actually and this is the brother same to me, the young guy saying to me they're
actually fake. Imagine a fake
Behind a fake chest, and you're marrying someone who, who never told you that, and don't you feel deceived that I didn't want to marry you no plastic here. So panela. So that is a an issue of controversy if someone has hair loss, and like I said, I'm reading some of your comments here. So if I haven't seen it, you, you can actually repeat the comment. If you have hair loss, you are allowed to do your own hair transplant. So for example, and I'm going to do a video about that Subhanallah Look, look at that, right? I don't have hair there.
I'm excited about it, I really I don't mind, I'm so happy. You know, if you notice, it's one of those things be happy with what Allah has given you, my brothers, my sisters. But if there is something abnormal, like for example, the girls don't have hair, or even a guy who doesn't have hair, I am allowed to do a transplant from the back to the front. I think in Turkey, they do them in other countries they do them and in Turkey is quite cheap, and the technology is advanced. So if you want to do a hair transplant, because you're bold, go for it, go for it completely. However, my brothers and sisters, when you are getting married to someone developing a relationship with
someone, be transparent with them, tell them these lips are not mine. I've just added volume to them this
these contours are not exactly what I look like, I've got eyebags and I've just covered them with makeup, be honest, we should be honest, you know, when you are buying and selling a product, you're not allowed to deceive people and lie to them about something, whoever has covered the effect the defect of a of a product that they're selling and sells it deceivingly will not even smell the scent of paradise. Imagine getting married is not a deal. It's a lifetime commitment. How do you expect to receive the blessings of Allah when you in your heart? You are excited about the fact that this guy doesn't even know what I look like, that's wrong. Come on, then I've had these women or girls young
for me, they're as good as my daughters, because in their 20s. To be honest, sending me messages contacted me emailing me shift, how could you have said that it was okay for the divorce to have happened. I didn't say it's okay. I tell the youngster you've got to make your mind up. If you really can't live with it, then Allah will not hold against you the fact that you decide that I can't manage, try, you know, try to see what you loved in her, etc. So, on one hand, we're getting bombarded by the girls who are telling us how can you say that it's wrong for us to, you know, wear makeup, I didn't say it's wrong, I'm saying when it gets to a level of deception, it's wrong. When
it goes beyond a certain point, and you're doing it for the wrong reasons. It's definitely wrong. But But Subhanallah This is marriage, you want to marry someone, please, you need to meet each other with no makeup, you need to let each other know this is not my hair, for example, you need to let each other know, you know, if there is something that you've done, for example, I've had breast implants I might behind is actually not my behind. It's it's a behind from somewhere else. You know, I don't know how to say this, but I'm so sorry. But you have to let them know that come on. So this is why I say brothers and sisters are muslimah. And the Muslim should be happy with what Allah has
given them. These are your organs. If it is abnormal, you can fix it. And then you can tell the person look, I've had the nose job because I had a bent nose or my nose was broken or so. And sometimes things like those, it's now become a part of you. It's okay. But imagine, like I said here, the controversy, the makeup controversy. It's so it's not actually a controversy, but it's becoming and it has become a controversy because people feel short changed. And on both sides, there are arguments saying I'm allowed to do this and the other party saying no, you're not allowed to do this. I feel deceived. So my brothers and sisters, I hope that we have benefited a little bit from
this particular session. I didn't want to go too long. But at the same time, I thought, let it be a start. I'm going to try to come on YouTube a little bit more often. shukran for all those I see who are making their little donations there on YouTube. Actually, I'm surprised it's the first time that
is being used. In fact, I think it's just been activated. Subhana Allah, but still my brothers and sisters, yeah, if you have a unibrow and you want to separate it, it's permissible. You can, you can separate it. If your eyebrows as a woman are so bushy that they look masculine and there's too much hair on that you can clean it, you can neaten it. You know when they say the Hadith says you're not allowed to pluck your browser, to be honest with you. Yes, we believe in the Hadith, because you can't just follow the trends and start shaping and so on but if something is abnormal, you're definitely allowed to make
Make normal remember this, if something is abnormal, you're definitely allowed to make it normal. So if you've got, for example, you're growing a mustache as a woman, you can remove it, you can laser it, you can laser your entire face besides your eyebrows. You can also laser the center in order to take out that hair if you don't want to have a unibrow because it's okay to separate the brow. But May Allah make it easy for us, my brothers, my sisters, we're living in an age where I don't mind now getting flack for just being a father figure to the people out there to tell them what's right and what's wrong. Because to be honest with you, that is the reality of the world. Today, we are
facing challenges of a new nature, people are getting excited. I know. And you know, the girls are saying how do I look, I agree that amongst yourselves, you might look hot, you might look everything, the hottest of of you are those who are the happiest with how Allah has made them. Whoever loves you for what you are and how Allah made you is the one who will appreciate you as a spouse. Remember that? So panela otherwise, they're appreciating the company, that of makeup that you're using for your face one day, you might not have it one day you might have been quarantined, you might be locked down, you might be somewhere circumstances might not allow you to buy these
things. And suddenly what's going to happen you become depressed. Why? Because you became a person whom you physically were not, don't allow that to happen. Be happy. So what we're all we all have flaws. And you know, what's the real thing? You actually don't notice it? Sorry, you don't notice it on others, but you notice it on yourselves. So if I have something wrong, My nose is slightly bent. And it is and this happens. And that happens. Do you know what to be honest with you? I noticed what's wrong with me.
But others won't notice it. I hope I worded it wrong, right. So let me say I'll say that again. Normally, I will notice what's wrong with me because I look in the mirror all the time, but I don't notice what's going on with other people.
I hope I would I'm trying to read and at the same time speak I'm getting used to this vanilla. But that's the reason why I might have mixed it up. Let me say this again. So when we have something we all have, I've got an eye slightly bigger than one eye, I've got part of my face, this side of my face is bigger than this side of my face. Because of the way I sleep. If I were to put a symmetrical thing I'm it's not symmetrical. This side has more than this side. This side has more beard than this side. This The nose is actually you know this direction. So what if you don't want you can turn this YouTube off. I really don't care, you know?
Subhanallah it's fine. I noticed because you look in the mirror every day once or twice how many times depending and nobody else actually notices it. Nobody notices it very few who who are experts in it or who want to look at every detail. Your ears are not all the same. Your lips may not be the same everything so big deal. Your hands may not be the same. Your feet may not be the same but they are similar. You know for the eye. It's pleasant. It's okay. So my brothers and sisters, I hope that you have enjoyed this topic please let me know if it was a good topic. Mashallah someone saying you're perfect, just say Mashallah. tabarrok Allah, you know, I had a much thicker beard, but I
don't know what it is. It's it's actually become slightly less dense. And I miss my old beard. I tell you Subhana Allah, may Allah make it easy for us. As you age, you know, your hair becomes sparse, it becomes less. So do you think it's these topics are good? before I actually ended, give me suggestions of what other topics you'd like me to speak about. Because I want to help the young young girls out there, the boys out there, I want to help some of the women and the men out there. And like I said, we're facing a problem from both angles.
And I really want to see solutions to this. I really want to see a fair solution. You know, you're getting married. Come on, you have to let people know listen, guy. You know what?
This is what I look like without makeup. And if he says No way, he don't marry him. Honestly, if he's not, look, I speak with my children. And I speak with a lot of people. Yes, we will concentrate on the deen and o'clock which means that the closeness to the almighty the relationship with the Almighty and the character for marriage, we will concentrate on that but you definitely need to look at what the person looks like they need to be pleasant to the eye then to you because everyone has a different liking. So they need to be pleasant to the eye and they also you there needs to be some chemistry there because you need to have a spark. You need to be attracted to them even physically
to a certain degree. So if you're deceiving the person
islamically that is wrong man Hashanah, Falaise, Amina, that's the Hadith. Whoever gives us is not truly from amongst us, they've actually cheated us. So let's not do that my brothers, my sisters, I really feel sorry for those who are enslaved by
stuff Stanford alum by their own makeup to the degree that they are not happy at all with who they really are. And the Alice made them the way Alice made them. And like I say, I'd like those who are into, you know, makeup tutorials, or he job tutorials or fashion or whatever beauty. I'm not at all trying to, you know, say in a blanket way that you guys are responsible, No way. No way. But what I am saying is, let's look at where the trends are moving. And let's help our brothers and sisters as much as you want them to look good for a moment. You know, there is a wedding you want to look good. There is this, you want to look good. Yeah, by all means, to a certain extent, depending on why
you're doing it and whatnot. But what you definitely need to know is, are you guiding them to tell them to love themselves, to love their complexion? To love their skin, to love their race to love their hair to love how Allah has made them? Are you doing that? Or are you are you fine tuning the mind to believe that you've got to look blemishes, you've got to worry about every pimple on your face. You've got to cover anything that looks human on your face, and you've got to look, you know, absolutely flawless. That flawlessness is creating stress and depression, and anxiety and mental health issues. For so many out there who are struggling, they can't afford what you can and they're
being told that if you don't look this way, that's it. You know, you're you're nobody, come on, we need to help you guys. You're very normal. My brothers, my sisters. Okay, so I'm gonna go back and read some of these comments as well later on. And,
you know, as a dad, I might have
created a little bit of a controversy today, but it's fine. It's fine. Thank you so much for all of the brothers and sisters out there who press the donate button as well. SubhanAllah like I said, it's a feature that's just been activated now. And inshallah I pray that Allah help us and grant us to, to be the best possible versions of us. Learn to love yourself the way you are my beloved child, my little daughter, my son, learn to love yourself the way you are. If there is something abnormal, you can get help. But if it's normal, don't worry. Take it easy, those little pimples and that little, you know, a little bit this way that way, a slight bent nose a little bit of an one I bigger
and smaller. We've all got that. So just relax. Take care. May Allah bless you all barakallahu li comb Salaam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh