How to get friends
Channel: Mirza Yawar Baig
File Size: 10.72MB
I mean, it was it
should have been a beautiful city armadura supervisor.
It was it was in the cathedral because
my brother sisters, one of our listeners, he asked me a question and he said,
Young man in college, he said, How do I make friends? And how do I get friends? So let me try to answer that. That's a good question. And it's not a question that's only for college students as a general question, because, you know, we human beings, we are social creatures, we cannot live on our own by ourselves alone.
Somebody who's rejecting everybody else, and living alone is
these are all signs of actually, abnormality. The human being because in, it's the nature of human being to
do want to be with people affiliation needs, we've all done in psychology.
So, therefore, people need confirmation to I mean, either extreme level is not good to continuously want confirmation outside and so on. But at a certain level, it is natural that you want to be approved off, you want to be popular and you want to be loved. You want to feel respected,
be respected, you want to feel that you are useful, worthwhile.
And that people, you know, they look up to you, they like you, they have you,
they have time for you, all of this is very human, very natural and nothing wrong with them.
Now, question is, how do you get it?
There are two kinds of goals that we have in life. I call them the being goals, and
doing goals, being goals and doing goals. So if you ask somebody, what do you want to be? So in this case, you might say, well, I want to be popular.
So okay, very nice. Now, translate that into a doing goal. If you want to be popular, what do you need to do?
To give you another example,
if somebody is a guinea pig, and the person says, I want to be the CEO, the Chief Executive Officer, I want to be the president of this company, in which I'm working. Okay. Excellent, fantastic. If you want to be the president of the company, what do you need to do?
What do you need to do? Every being goal must be translated into his doing version, if you want to achieve the world, that's the law of nature. So if I want to be the president of the country, of the country of the housing company, what do I need to do, what I need to do is I need to start thinking, for and about the whole company, and not only about my job, and my role, and my department.
So for example, I was thinking about what is a, this is my company, this is what they do. This is the for example, this is the policy and marketing
doesn't need to change. This is how my country's my company's cash flow goes, what needs to change, this is what my company produces, products and services.
What needs to change? So instead of saying, I'm working in the human resources department, or I'm working in the finance department, or working in the department,
I don't like my boss, my boss, my boss, doesn't like me my problem with my colleague, no, forget all that. Look at the company as a whole number one, number two, if you want to be the CEO of the company, then you also have to understand that you need to learn how to get along with people because you cannot be the CEO and you can't get to get along with anyone. So if I say if you are there and you say I can't get my mind my my colleague is a bad Pharaoh or my boss I don't like then there is a problem with you and you have to check it yourself and say what is it I can do?
So that my I have I repair my relationship with my boss, I repair my relationship with my colleagues. So every being goal must be translated into his doing version. So now if you say I want to be popular, I want to have friends.
Work on introvert doing it therefore what you need to do. In my experience in life, the finest way the fastest way, the best way to make and retain friends is to stop thinking about I want to be popular and say how can I be helpful? How can I help others how
How can I be good to others? How can I do something for others which they need
and as far as possible without even being asked to volunteer you will see something is is necessary go do it. That just try that. See how can I be helpful to others? The moment you start thinking on those lines believe me you will have more friends than you can handle. Because everyone likes to get everyone likes those who give nobody likes to take.
So if you say no, I want to be friends and so therefore someone's over still spend time with me ask yourself, if you want someone to spend time with you, what is it that you are giving to that person? When they are with you?
What is it what is it that that person will get from you which they will not get from any other source?
They will get that right. Believe me you will have people around you all that you do, you will then lead to run away time please find a place to hide. Take the seat again. I come back over and over again to the car was so beautiful. It was so popular that Allah subhanho wa Taala revealed Koran to say leave a lot sooner Allah Allah said if he invites you for a meal go at the time of the meal. Right if he's inviting for dinner, don't go there after saw the Father as it,
get ready for dinner go at dinnertime. Then he then Allah says, When you finish eating, live,
don't sit there and talk, don't sit there and talk to get leave the place. And another my hubby is too shy is too polite is yours. He's also he's very hospitable. He's very merciful, right? To tell you to leave. But Allah will tell you
give him time with his family, you can't be sitting in his house the whole time. Now why is Allah saying is because that is how popular us was was. So when somebody went to him, they went to him because of what they were getting from him.
So ask yourself, where if somebody is spending time with me? What are they getting from me, believe me, if you are the kind of person from whom people believe that they can get something, you will, as I told you, you will run away because you will have to hide and say, I'm not available. Sorry, get an appointment.
You can't just get you can't just ladder. But for that you have to work. You must develop something unique in yourself, which is beneficial to people and then offer that unique thing to people.
I don't mean go tell them but you know, people will see if it is there. You know, it's like water flowing. If you want water to flow in your direction, what must you do? Lower your level.
Lower your lower water doesn't flow uphill.
If you are arrogant, if you are proud if you are zero am superior, you will starve because water does not flow uphill water flows only down. So if you want water to flow in your direction lawyers
Come down to earth.
Be nice to people be good to people smile smiling in South Africa. Today we have a situation where people I mean literally you have to take the guy to a dentist to see his teeth. You know, I mean
what kind of thing is such very subtle, you're getting very reduced when somebody Allah is giving you a reward.
So smile, be nice to people volunteer to help, be respectful have other
unfortunately we are you know many people raise children like they raise cattle or something. There's no There's no other there's no how to greet an elder how to greet a younger person that nothing no nobody does anything.
So let's not be like that. I mean, let's change that. We must raise children who have culture we have values who have ethics and morals and who have matters. There is nothing you want to have friends have good manners. There is nothing which is more valuable than good manners. Again, back to the zero Allah's
praise is gonna be summarized, in what forward in like Allah, who located. Allah did not say you are praiseworthy, because you worship me the most he was he wasn't another who was even more than Allah. Allah did not say you are praiseworthy because of how many words he was doing, you know how many times you know,
he said you are on the best of character.
That's because I K Mama said me too
complete and to perfect character.
There's nothing more valuable than good manners. And I think that
is the single biggest draw for friendship, have good manners. Develop a character where you people find you worthy of going and being with you have something to offer. People will come running.
If you want to if you want people if you have a restaurant and you want people to to come to your restaurant, what must you do for our people and our advertisers? Get a great chef and give great food. Simple as that.
That people will come nobody goes to a restaurant. People spend a lot of time on the decor and this and that. I'm not talking about hygiene hygiene is very important. But other than hygiene, rest of it in any restaurant is has no value believing the value is the food people go to a restaurant to eat they don't go to a restaurant because the chair is comfortable or because the decor is nice. They go because the food is great.
So apart from cleanliness, nothing else is important. By all means have a nice decor and so on. But if your food is bad, your food is bad. Nobody goes we will come to your restaurant, no matter how beautiful the The decor is. So get that principle right you want friends have something valuable ask yourself this question. Why should somebody be my friend for what?
What do they get if they're my friend? What benefit do they get? The day you answer that question. You will have all the friends you want in the world or salon and will carry while he was