The Preservation of Family
Channel: Ismail Kamdar
File Size: 30.16MB
Episode Transcript ©
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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala Nabi al Karim, Allah Allah He was happy. When we begin by predicting a loss for HANA with the Lord and creator of the universe, the most wise the most just who reveal the perfect Sharia, to the best of creation, Mohammed even Abdullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we asked Allah to send his peace and blessings upon the final prophet, and all those who follow his way with righteousness until the end of time.
Previously, when I was a year, we spoke about the concept of the goals of Islamic law of the Sharia. And, inshallah today, we're going to continue with that discussion. But just a brief recap for those who weren't here a few weeks ago,
we said that Islam is a set of laws called the Sharia. And in recent times, this word, Sharia has become like a bad word. People don't want to say people don't want to talk about it. People don't want to admit that they follow a Sharia, and people don't even know what it means anymore. So to help re educate the Ummah, on this important and beautiful term and what it means and what it should mean to our lives, we will have a series of Juma lectures covering what the Sharia is all about. Right? And so we said in the previous lecture that Sharia means in terms of Islam, it means a way of life. They see what Sharia means. When you see you follow the Sharia, it means you are following the
Islamic way of life, from how you talk to how you walk, how you conduct your business, everything is done, how Allah wants you to do it. This is all the Sharia means. It's not specific to criminal law. Right? It's not specific to government law. It's, it's comprehensive, so you can live in a non Muslim country. And you can still follow the Sharia in your personal life by praying five times a day by having a HELOC business by eating halal food, all of this is following the Sharia. Right, you shouldn't restrict it to government only. So this is what the Sharia is. And what we said is that the scholars of Islam have said that the Sharia revolves around two goals. Number one, is to protect
people from harm. So wherever Allah has made prohibited, he has prohibited it because it is harmful to us. So Allah has created a Sharia to protect us from harm, the harms of alcohol, the harms of Zina, the harms of pornography, the harms of all of these things, we are protected from it, when we follow the Sharia. The other goal of the Sharia is to make life easy for us to make life easy for us. This is the goal of the Sharia. As mentioned in the Quran, you read a lot because you need to become a lawyer, Allah wants things to be easy for you, he does not want things to be hard for you, as the prophets allow you some informed Allah of his time. This is the harbor who he sent to teach
Islam, he told them Yes, siru Allah to make it easy for the people do not make it hard for them. So this is a fundamental goal of the Sharia, that it is meant to make life easy for you. When you follow the Sharia, you will have less psychological problems and those who don't, you will have less emotional problems from those who don't. When you follow the Sharia, you are able to protect yourself from many things that may cause depression that may cause a suicide, they may cause harm, and actually you make life easier for you. So this is what we spoke about in the previous
lecture and continuing from there. I want to focus on one of the goals of the Sharia.
Now, to understand this topic, I just want to mention it in a broader context. When you study the books of Islamic law. They mentioned that the entire Sharia revolves around protecting five things. And these five things are called the necessities of life. Meaning you need these five things to have an easy life to have a comfortable life to survive in this world. And the whole Sharia revolves around protecting these five things. These five things are number one, the religion of Islam itself. So the Sharia revolves around protecting Islam and protecting our human right many of the laws are there to protect our Mr. Number two, the protection of human life. So Islam has prohibited murder,
Islam has prohibited
you know, harming people physically, Islam is prohibited even the harming of trees and animals without a need. You're only allowed to kill an animal either if you're going to eat it, or if you are defending your family otherwise leave them to live their lives. So the protection of life number three, Islam came to protect our minds and our our consciousness and our mental health. So this is why Islam has prohibited alcohol. This is why Islam has prohibited drugs to protect this part of us. Number four Islam came to protect our wealth.
Our money this is why robbing people stealing is haram. This is why interest is haram. All of this is why Islam allows business and it allows a free economy for the sake of protecting people's rights of ownership of wealth. And number five, number five is what we are talking about today. And in different books, he goes by different names, a shot to be called the protecting lineage, Al ghazali, call the protecting other, even assured call it protecting family. And that's what we're going to go by today, protecting the family. So what this means is, Islam has prohibited Zina and encouraged marriage. Why? Because Xena is this honorable, it breaks up lineage and families, it causes family
ties to break, it destroys society from that point of view. And at the same time, at the same time,
marriage, marriage is something honorable marriage is something that allows your lineage to continue. And marriage leads to the creation of families. So the topic I want to talk about today is this topic here, Islam and the laws of Islam were sent to protect the concept of family to protect the very concept of family. And why is this an important topic, it's an important topic. Because we are living in perhaps the only time I know of in human history, where people don't want families,
we actually have a generation who just don't want to get married. And if they do get married, they don't want to have children.
You see, unfortunately, the Muslims of our time are highly influenced by Western culture, the good and the bad of it. Right? The good of it, they want to be environmentalists are hungry, that's a good thing. The bad of it, is, for example, the Xena culture. So the Western culture, it's all about self gratification. It's all about freedom. It's all about myself. And marriage, and especially children get in the way of these things. So someone who's enjoying a life of Xena doesn't want to get married, somebody who's enjoying the freedom doesn't want the responsibility of children. And so now we have a problem, we have a problem that there are many young people who have no interest in
getting married, they have no interest in having children, they have no interest in starting a family. Why? Because he's getting in the way of the video games, is getting in the way of the Netflix is getting in the way of them going out and hanging out with the friends every night. So they are choosing their desires over family. And what's the problem with us? Well, let me give you an example. To understand what's the problem with this, just say there is a man, a respectable man in the community who has only three children. But his three children are influenced by Western society. And all three of them decide that they never going to get married, or maybe one of them
gets married, but also says they never going to have children. What happens to that family's lineage? What happens to that family as a family? two generations from now.
It doesn't exist anymore. The family will literally not exist in two generations. Why? Because no one's having children. Now what happens when you have an entire community like this, the entire community will put itself into extinction. And this is a problem in the West today, to such an extent in the UK, in the United Kingdom, it is something that government is worried about. They're worried about the fact that people don't want to have children anymore, and that they are going to become a minority in their own country, because they're the only ones having children. So it's a actual problem that they are recognizing, they chose this lifestyle of freedom, this lifestyle of
Xena, this lifestyle of do what you want. And now it's coming back to bite them in the sense that their families are decreasing. And the numbers are decreasing, because they chose what is wrong over what is right. So this is a major problem. And the solution to this problem is very simple. Follow the Sharia. Right. But I want to speak about this from two perspectives. Number one, how the Sharia protects the sense of family. And number two, what you as an individual can do to implement this in your life to follow the Sharia in this part of your life. So how does the Sharia protect the concept of family? Well, number one, by prohibiting Xena by prohibiting Xena in all its forms. Understand
this in Islam, the only sort of intimate relationship that is allowed is between the husband and wife or male and the female husband and wife. And I would indeed even clarify the main female part because people are getting strange ideas from a non Muslims on that area. There's only one type of relationship that's allowed. All other types of relationships of that nature are prohibited. Why? Because they get in the way of protecting families in societies where there is freedom to enjoy Zina with whoever you want, and to experiment to whatever you want. People have no need to get married. And now we have a movement in the West. We have a movement
Saying that marriage is a religious construct, and it should be done away with all together. We have people saying, What's the point of this piece of paper? Why do I need a piece of people to show my love for someone. This is an actual movement taking place in which the people are trying to get rid of the concept of marriage altogether, we have feminists saying that marriage is a patriarchal structure. And there should be no place for marriage in the modern world. So people are trying to get rid of marriage, at the same time promote Xena, and what this needs to know families. Take a look at many Western societies today, we have an entire generation of children who don't even know
who the fathers are.
Forget about not having a relationship with their father. They don't know what their fathers are, because they must have been with so many different men, that they themselves are not even sure who the father is.
And so what happens to a child grows up not knowing who the father is, they grew up with mental problems. They grew up to have drug addiction, they grow up to be suicidal, they grew up to become prostitutes, they go into all these areas, and you can see the research for yourself. It's available online, all of these things. When the research was done to what leads people down these parts. In all of them. One of the factors is not knowing who their father is, or not having a relationship with your father, not having a proper family. So this is a major, major problem of our times and Islams number one solution for fixing this is that Islam prohibits you now, number two link to that
Islam encourages marriage to such an extent that upon most people it is watching in general marriages sooner. But in this day and age in this culture, it becomes logic. Why? Because without it, you will fall into sin. That's just the reality of most people. If you do not get married, you will fall into Zina. And so getting married is something encouraged by the Sharia. The Sharia protects the concept of family by encouraging us to have a lot of children. Right. And again, this is something taboo in our times, something we're not supposed to talk about to encourage, you know, we supposed to be telling you. You know, when you see people with large families, they people get
shocked, but the prophets a lot while the USMC Tanaka who Takata will get married and have a lot of children. So my alma can be a lot on the Day of Judgment. This is a this is a case of Rasulullah sallallahu. So he said we should have a lot of children. Right. So Islam encourages having a lot of children why there is Baraka in that it leads to a bigger family. When you get old, you are more likely to have someone to take care of you, you have more likely for your legacy to continue after you die, you are more likely to have more good deeds on the day of judgment in all your children and the brightest and all your grandchild and the righteous, continuing continuing for generations.
Islam encourages us to have as many children as possible.
The fourth way in which Islam protects the concept of families is that it has laid down rights for every member of the family. And so in the books of check, you will find the rights of the husband, the rights of the wife, the rights of parents, the rights of children, the rights of your siblings, right you will find in Islam, a detailed description of every member of your family, what you are supposed to be doing for them. In this day and age of freedom. Nobody wants to hear about rights, except for their own. Right, a woman will come up and say what are my rights upon my husband? But she has want to know what's her husband's rights upon her? And vice versa. The man What's up? What's
my wife's rights, or other what's my rights? What's my wife duties, but he doesn't want you to watch his wife rights. Islam teaches us that we must care for everybody else's rights and for a family to function properly. If the man's worried about withholding the rights of his parents, his wife and his children, if his wives worried about fulfilling the rights of the husband, the children and her parents and in laws, then guess what? Everybody's happy and everybody functions properly. But when we only focus on our own egos on my rights Me, me, me, when you only focus on that what happens, everything falls apart, because a family cannot survive if they selfishness involved. Understand
this, if you are selfish when it comes to your family, the family is not going to survive. Family requires being selfless, caring about everybody else. So you must get out of this mindset. And it's all about me. It's not all about you. It's about the oma Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam which includes your family.
Islam also protects family by making the laws of inheritance very clear, because one of the main causes of families breaking up is fighting over inheritance. So Islam made this clear so there are no fights and so the family stays united by just doing what Allah said to do in the Quran. Islam came to protect our families in many, many other ways. But these are the most important ones mentioned in the Quran and in the Hadees. So why
why is there so much emphasis on family? Some people may see but you know, what's the big deal? If I don't want to get married I don't want to have children I just want to enjoy my life and you know watch Netflix and play video games all day till I die. What's the point? I mean what why is it a problem? Why is Islam so making families such a big deal? Well, the many reasons that the oma have mentioned why families
I just want to mention five. Number one and most obviously, without families, your lineage will become extinct.
Right? If you are going to have a family, then and if your friends are not having families and your siblings are not having families and nobody's bothered to have families, your community will go extinct. And so the number one reason why Islam put emphasis on family is so that the human race is preserved, and especially the Muslim Ummah is preserved. Right? Well, we continue from generation to generation, and we don't die out as a nation. Number two is the concept of honor. And this is why Imam Al ghazali. He called this the protection of honor, he didn't call it the protection of family equality, the protection of honor Why? Because when people choose a lifetime of Xena, they are
bringing this honor to themselves and to their families. And this is a topic on its own inshallah, perhaps next time I'll talk about honor as a as a topic because it's something forgotten our time. You know, when we talk about honor people think about knights and they think about ancient warriors and they think about things that happen the Ottoman Empire, they don't think about themselves as if this is an ancient concept. No, this is an Islamic concept. This is something we're supposed to be worried about today. Am I living an honorable life is something you are supposed to be worried about today, not something that existed only in the time of the Ottomans, in the Abbas's right to
protecting your honor. If you choose marriage over Xena, you are protecting your honor, you are living honorable life and that's what Allah wants for you. Allah wants you to be honorable in the sight of people. When the Muslims are honorable in the sight of people, more people flock towards Islam. But when the Muslims are the deeds and the oppressors and the people committing Zina and the people taking drugs, why would people have been interested in our religion? We are choosing dishonorable lifestyles, why would people want to be like us? So honor is very important. So that's the second reason why Islam encourages families for the sake of honor. Number three,
Baraka and Sakina. blessings and peace, family brings Baraka family brings peace. Yes, families can cause problems. Yes, families can fight with each other. Yes, families have bad days. But in general, the overall picture if you look through your entire life, the main source of peace and happiness in your life is your family. And this is why people who are cut off from their families tend to be very lonely, and they tend to fall into depression. Why? Because they are cut off from one of the most fundamental sources of peace in human life, which is family. So Allah wants us to have that Sakina He wants us to have the peace and Baraka in our lives. And that's why he says we
must have family if you must work towards having families. Number four.
Having a strong family protects your mind, it protects you from mental health problems, right. So people who have strong family ties, they are less likely to fall into depression. And if they fall into depression, they have family to help them out. For somebody who lives alone. What happens when they go through depression, they just get more lonely. There's no one to talk to them. There's no one to support them. There's no one to help them to go to psychiatrists and no one to give them advice. There's no one to take care of give, it just makes the problem worse. But when you have a strong family, it protects you from falling into this illness, it protects you from becoming
suicidal. And this is one of the many lessons taken from the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, where he said whoever wishes to live a long life and get a lot of wealth, they should maintain family ties. Right? One of my psychology teachers Misha has explained this hadith to her she said that one of the meanings of this Heidi's is that when you maintain family ties, when you grow older, you have a bigger support system, if you have more family members to take care of you if you have more family members to help you. And so you end up living a longer life. This is one of the many meanings of this adage Allah knows best. Number five,
the family and this is very important. For those people who don't want to have families who don't want to get married. You don't want to have children. This is very important. Understand this, families are the foundation of society. If a society loses the concept of family, it will fall apart. Just be those societies today they are getting rid of the concept of family. They won't even exist in 20 to 30 years time, they're going to fall apart, maybe even sooner. Family is where society starts. When families are strong. They produce a strong society. When families are righteous. They produce a righteous society. When families are broken when families have
disintegrated when families don't exist, there is no society. And we see this in history. We see this for example, the greatest rulers in our history were what people who came from strong families look at Omar Abdulaziz, right he was the great grandson of Omar al Fatah. He came from the strongest of families for generations of righteousness, produced a ruler of his nature. We complain we don't have rulers like this today. Whatever people are reproducing, what kind of children are we raising?
To understand the children you are raising one of the meet the leaders of tomorrow. If you raising them to be good righteous people, there's a chance it is Omar will have a good righteous leader in the future. But none of us care about this. Where's the leader gonna come from? if no one's having children, or no one's raising their children righteously, then where do we expect a good leader to come from? It comes from how we raise our children. So to recap, five of the main reasons why Islam put so much emphasis on family is because without families, number one, we go extinct. Number two, family is a source of honor, Xena is a source of dishonor. Number three, family is a source of
Baraka and Sakina of blessings and peace. Number four family protects you for mental health problems. And if you do have mental health problems, it helps you to get through it, it helps you to survive it. Number five, family is the foundation of society. without strong families, there is no society. So for the final part of today's presentation, we come to the practical part. What can you do? What can you and I do to live this aspect of the Sharia, to live our lives according to the Sharia in this way, and to achieve this goal of the Sharia, which is the protection of family. I want to mention eight things, eight things that every single one of us are capable of doing. And if
we do these eight things, we will individually fulfill this goal of the Sharia and they collectively follow it as well. Number one, I know it is very hard in this day and age, because we are surrounded by temptation. But we have to talk about it. Number one, avoid Zina and avoid everything that nature. We are living in a Xena culture. Yeah, let's not hide the fact that we are living in a culture that that glorifies it in all its forms. In every movie in every TV series, the billboards, you know, the magazines, everything, it's glorifying a culture of zero. And because we are talking about many of our youth are falling into it, and to the young people, I tell you this much. And if
you get addicted to this this lifestyle, you are going to ruin your own life, you will never experience happiness. Someone who is addicted to Xena lifestyle will never experience happiness. This is why suicide rates are higher in countries where people have a similar lifestyle. This is why depression rates are higher in those countries why loneliness is higher in those countries. This lifestyle leads to these problems, right. But when you choose family instead when you choose chastity. Instead, when you choose marriage, instead, you have honor, you have happiness, you have structure, you have company, it's a much better lifestyle. So I know for the young people out there,
many of them are facing a lot of temptation. Choose to avoid it. Choose to get married as young as possible, choose
chastity over Xena choose to live a a more uniform and honorable lifestyle. And this is the first step you can take towards preserving family. Number two, if you are not married, take the concept of getting married seriously. If you are married, take your marriage seriously. Take your marriage seriously. Don't Don't take it for granted. I don't take it that because I'm married. This is the way it's going to be, you know, ignore your spouse and and wait for the day when they stop loving you understand this is the point of psychology, a lot of people don't realize your love for your parents is natural. It's there from the time you were born. No matter what happened between you and
your parents that love stays forever. Right? The love between you and your spouse is not natural. It was developed over time, meaning for the first 20 or 30 years of your life, you didn't even know that person existed, then you met that person, and you started loving each other. So this is not in love there was there from the beginning. It's something that has to develop. And so it's something that can go away if you don't work on it. If you don't work on your marriage, the love can go away. The only way to stay in love with your spouse is to keep working on your marriage. So we as a community, we need to talk about these topics. And as individuals, we need to pay very close
attention to how we are treating our spouses. Are we people who are taking it for granted? Are we making time for them or we value our relationships. And for those people who are not married? Make it a goal. Make it a goal to find somebody good, a good Muslim and to marry that person. Right find make it your goal in life, to marry a good person. Don't make it something maybe someday, maybe I'll think about in 10 years and maybe think about in 20 years time. It may be too late. Right if you find somebody who is righteous get married the prophets lie Some said about
when a man goes to propose to a woman. He said if a righteous man of good character proposes to your daughter and you reject Him, they will be fitna on it. It will be corruption. And this is what we see in society today. Nowadays when righteous men proposed to girls what to the father say, or she'll get married in 10 years time or five years looking for proposals now.
Then three years later, finds out his daughter's may be involved in things which are haram and she's got a boyfriend she got a non Muslim boyfriend she wants to run away with a non Muslim. This is the fitna the prophets have warned about in this Heidi's they when we choose the western lifestyle over the Islamic lifestyle, there are consequences. So take the concept of marriage seriously. Number three, make time for family. Make time. I know we all have busy lives. Some people travel, some people work 10 hours a day. Some people work seven days a week. Make quality time for your family. If you can't make quantity time at least make quality time, one hour with your kids a week where you
are giving them your focus and divided attention is better than five hours where you're distracted by your phone. Give them quality time. This will build muhabba This will build the love and relationship between you and them. And this will work towards preserving your family. Number four link to this spend money on your families. spend money on your family. I mean, I'd be surprised how many situations we have Muslims in our community who are wealthy, but they don't buy their kids anything. They don't treat their wife out to a meal. The Prophet Mohammed slice them said the best money is the money you spend on your family. This is a Heidi's the best money is the money you spend
on your family. Do not think of spending money on your family as a waste of money. It is a source of Baraka, it's a source of reward. It is something that Allah loves. Allah loves it when you spend money on your family. So when you buy your kids something nice, this is something Allah loves. When you take your wife to a fancy restaurant. This is something Allah loves. Why? Because Allah hates miserliness. He hates stinginess. And he loves to see that families are maintaining close family ties. So when you spend money on your family, you are doing something that is beloved to Allah subhanho wa Taala. So let us make time for families and let us spend money on our families. Number
five, for those family members who are older than you, I number five and six together in one Heidi's the prophets are lovely. Some said he's not one of us, who is not merciful to those who are younger than him and respectful to those who are older than him. So the prophet SAW you mentioned two things in this Hadees if someone is younger than you, be merciful to them. And if someone's older than you Be respectful to them. Now, technically, we supposed to be merciful and respectful to everybody. Right? But why the emphasis on mercy for the young and respect for the older people? Right, let me give you an example of why younger people tend to make more mistakes, right. So the proper some is
telling us to cut them some slack, give them a break, let it go. They're young, they're gonna make mistakes you don't have experience in life. So we must let the mistakes go to make it a big deal. And since a lot of parents love parents want their children to be perfect. As soon as they hear the teenager committed a sin, they want to beat him up and kick him out to the house and cut off time to do that. Teach him the doors of Allah's mercy open, teach him to make a stick for teaching to make Toba. That's what it appears to be teaching your child not expecting perfection from him. So the proper services be merciful to those who are younger than you. They are going to make mistakes
they're going to miss understand, they're going to do things wrong, because they don't have experience in life. So be merciful to them. And to those who are older than you. They have earned your respect. And sometimes they may be nasty because you know, when people get older, the filters get less. I some of my elders told me this, that because they got old now they're like, you know, I'm going to die soon. So I can tell you whatever I want, right? So they end up talking more bluntly. So Allah Singh, Rossum is saying, Listen, your elders, they may talk to you more bluntly, they may be a bit more rude when they talk to you. They may say things in a way that may hurt your
feelings. respect them. Don't say anything back to them. They already knew they deserve your respect. Show. It's interesting that
even though we supposed to be respectful and merciful to everybody, but Rasulullah he emphasized mercy with those who are younger than us, because that's where we tend to get very angry with people and give them a hard time. And he emphasized respect to the elders because unfortunately, because many of us are stronger physically than our elders. We don't respect them as we should. So these shootings are also ways to fulfill the Sharia goal of preserving family. Respect your elders, no matter what they say no matter what they do, and be merciful to the youngsters no matter what mistakes they make. Be a means of bringing them closer to Allah Don't be a means of chasing them
away from Allah number seven. Number seven, make an effort to maintain family ties. Not just with your brothers and your sisters and your children and your parents, your cousins, your uncle's, your aunts, your second cousins, your entire family. Make it a goal in your life to go out of your way to maintain family ties, especially if a member of your family is trying to cut ties with you. Go out of your way to repair your relationship with that family member. This is a good deed in Islam. In Islam, trying to maintain family ties with someone who's cutting off with you is from the best of good deeds and breaking Family Ties is a major sin not
Minus in a major sin, baking family ties up there with Xena and murder and stealing. It's that bad. It's a major sin to tell your brother that you're not my brother anymore to tell your son that I've disowned you. This is a major sin in Islam. It's from amongst the worst things a Muslim can do. So work towards maintaining family ties to not work towards breaking family ties. And finally, number eight, forgive each other. Everyone's going to make mistakes, your spouse is going to make mistakes, your children are going to make mistakes, your parents are going to make mistakes. Learn to forgive, I've learned not to expect perfection from people. If you want to make any relationship work, you're
going to have to learn to forgive people. And unfortunately, again, as a community for some reason, we expect perfection of everybody else besides our own selves. Right? This is a hypocritical thing many of us have, that we are our own selves, we have many sins. And if people had to confront us about within our movement, you know, My son, but if you see our say, our child, our wife, our parents committing the same sin, we get angry, we start figuring out what kind of a child are you? What kind of a spouse Are you know, we treat him differently from how we want people to treat us. So learn how to deal with people properly. Learn how to help people make mistakes, or learn how to help
people make Toba Don't be the kind of person who cuts off Family Ties for every mistake, because everyone's going to make mistakes your spouse, your children, your parents, they're all going to make mistakes, learn to forgive, because Don't you want a lot of to forgive you. So what you end up with a very quick story. The Prophet sallahu sums time
is a very famous story where his wife Ayesha was accused of a major sin she was slandered of a major lesson by her own cousin and her father Abu Bakar. He was in charge of helping the cousin financially. So imagine you've got a cousin who you helping financially and he slandered your daughter and spread rumors about the child society. What would you do? aboubaker he said, I'm not going to give that man's money anymore. When he said this a lot he really verse in the Quran, telling him forgive and forget, don't you want to forgive you?
This is a last message to Abubakar when his cousin had committed the major sin of slandering his daughter a lot with Abubakar forgive and forget. Don't you want Allah to forgive you? So that's a message to all of us. Your family are going to mess up. They're going to gossip, you're going to slander they're going to make mistakes. forgive and forget. Don't you want Allah to forgive you? Baka Dhawan and your family let me know Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh