Mindful Ramadan 2024 – Transform your Relationships – Wadud Hassan
Date:
Channel: Haleh Banani
Series: Haleh Banani - A Mindful Ramadan 2024
File Size: 55.40MB
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AI Generated Summary ©
The speakers in this video and webinar discuss the importance of finding one's best self and finding one's best self through consistent spiritual deeds and healthy spiritual growth. They emphasize the need for a mindful approach to one's relationships and finding one's best self through continuous monitoring of emotions and behavior. The speakers also emphasize the importance of finding a balance between effort and compassion and reminding oneself to serve others. They encourage listeners to use their emotions and use them as a means to reach their goals. They also emphasize the need for a male version of mindful hearts and the importance of working on inner work to build a better version of oneself.AI Generated Transcript ©
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Alright.
Could you let me know if you can
see me and hear me okay?
We'll get started.
We're just waiting on
brother Wadud,
and he should be coming out shortly.
So happy to have you here. Where are
you tuning in from and how is your
Ramadan? Are you are you going in that
slump? Because I know
I personally had a really tough day couple
of days ago, didn't wake up for suhoor,
had this unbelievable
headache,
couldn't focus.
And, you know, the message with that was
I felt Allah is showing me
how hard it could be each and every
day
and and how easy Allah makes it for
us. So sometimes we need to have these
difficult
experiences
in order to have more appreciation.
Brother Radu should be coming. Can you give
me a thumbs up if you can see
me and hear me okay?
And,
we will get started.
Today is an important lesson. It's all about
our relationships.
Okay? And how are we
doing?
Here we go.
Let's see.
I think we're both adding him on at
the same time.
Why is it okay. There we go.
Assalamu alaikum. How are you? Alhamdulillah.
How is everything, brother?
Alhamdulillah.
Doing well. Alhamdulillah. How are you? Very good.
Very good. I would just,
mention okay. We have someone from Northern Ireland.
Well, we love Ireland. Y'all have been amazing.
Very supportive of the Palestinians.
I was just watching a video of
people in Ireland, how they're standing up.
It's beautiful. Oh,
We have a sis
sister or
have set we have someone from Nigeria
and from France.
Bonjour.
Took
a semester of French. Didn't
get too far with that, but I I
was just talking brother with dude about how,
and we were talking about this earlier
this week, how we're going through a slump.
Right? It's very easy during the second
week.
2nd or is it the 3rd week now
that we go into?
Today is our
18th day of Ramadan. Right? Right. Yes. 18.
Yesterday was a really significant day, the day
of Badr.
Okay. Mela grand the Ummah, the openings.
Yeah. Like, granted us
in that expansion. May Allah grant you.
Amin. Amin. Yeah. When you reflect on the
verses of how Allah talks about how he
will reinforce
you and protect you and provide support, as
long as you're sincere, it gives you so
much hope.
We have someone from North Carolina. So happy
to have you all here.
So today, we have a really,
wonderful, wonderful
lesson.
Brother Waddud, would you like to start?
Bismillah Ar Rahman Rahim. Yeah. So it's we're
we're asking this question about who are you
becoming. Right? So you've been you've been with
us, and
for this last few last few weeks,
you have been
listening to our conversations,
all the beautiful interviews, and this question that
me and sister Holly wanted to ask today
is who are you becoming this Ramadan? Those
of you that are tuning in live Mhmm.
Put it in the chat window. Who are
you becoming?
What does the best version of you look
like post Ramadan? Right?
And
this who you are becoming,
how does it show up?
How does it show up when you're preparing
suhoor or
Ithar or how does it show up in
your character? How does it show up in
your relationship,
in your marriage, in your parenting?
How does who you're becoming this Ramadan show
up in everything you do?
That's the question we want you to reflect
on. Yes. And if you could put that
in the chat because we wanna find out
where are you at and where do you
wanna be afterwards because we know that Ramadan
isn't just about fasting. Right? It is a
time for spiritual growth and reflection,
and we want to make sure that we
nurture these qualities. I have an analogy for
you.
Are you all ready? Yeah.
There you go. There you go. My daily
analogy. Alright.
So we need to look at it. Look
at Ramadan. It's like a farmer. What does
a farmer do? They prepare the soil, sells
the seeds, and
tends
to their,
to their land, right, with care. And Ramadan,
we need to see it as like a
fertile ground for spiritual growth.
Right? And we're planting the seeds, but after
Ramadan, we have to continue nurturing the seeds
of faith. Right? And the good deeds we've
planted,
we need to water them. We need to
make consistent effort,
and make that devotion to see them flourish.
Right? So this is what we're talking about,
that we're planting the seeds, and then after
Ramadan, we gotta make sure
that we water it daily
and we,
make sure that we keep improving.
Yeah.
Yeah. And Allah uses this analogy so many
times in
the
Quran.
Right?
Who plants the seed? When you plant the
seed, who brings that seed, turns that into
plant, and brings it out? So that gardener's
mindset, you know, that,
it's so important for Muslims because sometimes we
want to
do it all at once. We want change
right away. So this is something that we
want you to think about is visualize your
best self and start becoming,
you know, start becoming more in that journey.
But even if it is just a little
bit more, even if it is just that
shift in your heart and the quality of
your heart and presence with Allah and your
intention,
just even that much of a shift,
but doing if you do that consistently,
then it can help you grow to this
beautiful
tree bearing fruits
in time, you know, in, like, few months,
in few years, and just that consistency, small
but consistent, how does that really impact and
change who you are?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And I just I always look at the
litmus test
of whether my Ramadan
is going well or not. Right?
Yeah. If it's if I'm really connecting,
remember, like, we are am I really charging
my phone? Have I charged,
myself spiritually or not? I look at the
litmus test as the relationships.
How have my relationships
with, whether it's my spouse, my children,
my family members, how has that
improved? Has it changed? And I'd like to
ask all of you tuning in,
do you feel like there has been a
change
in your relationship?
And has it been for the better or
for the worse? Right? Because sometimes
we become irritable. We are not getting enough
sleep. We might get the headaches like I
was talking about, or you have more extra
work.
So,
you know, we have to see, like, how
how is your relationship improving?
Yeah. And we have a nice comment for
you, brother Waddoo. Thanks to a lecture you
gave to a group of sisters about
mindfulness. And, alhamdulillah, my intention this Ramadan
is
to be more mindful.
Mission accomplished.
That was our
that was what we wanted to do.
Yeah. So
so, you know, this is a really important
question that you've asked.
For sharing that. May Allah bless you. So
so glad to hear. May Allah make all
of our work and all of your work
of lasting impact benefit, may Allah, except for
except from all of us. So in terms
of this question you're asking, the litmus test,
why why is it the litmus test? Why
can't someone just pray
and do all good deeds, you know, and
just just really cry all night and get
up and do kiam
and all of that. Right?
But
but they,
you know, they they it doesn't show up
in their character.
Why can't why can't they,
have taqwa? That's, you know, some people might
say, you know, like, okay. I I haven't
gotten that relationship thing down yet.
You know, I'm not really worried about that.
Just trying to trying to get it one
step at a time. Right? Right. Right. Can
someone live like that? Check off the well,
you know, we have to look at the
whole purpose of the prophet sallallahu alaihi salam
has said that he came to complete our
character. Right? And so if we look at
all of this worship we're doing as a
way to build our character, it's not we've
always we keep repeating that Allah is not
in need of these things, it's to change
us. And if we look at, let's say,
Hajj,
before Hajj, what is the prerequisite? We have
to mend our relationships,
and Allah holds each person
accountable
for their relationship with others. So no matter
how amazing your relationship is with Allah, You're
doing tahajjud every night, and you're fasting, and
you're doing all of this, but you're treating
your spouse, your children, your family members, your
parents with disrespect,
with harshness,
you're rude to them, you ignore them, you,
you know, you are dismissive of them, then,
you know, you're gonna be in trouble. So
in one area, you're gonna have an a
plus, and then maybe in 4 subjects, you're
gonna have an f.
And we know how that would work. What
would happen in school if you have one
a plus and then four f's?
Yeah. And, you know, this is this is
a really important
a really, really important thing to to think
about. Mhmm.
That if
if we
if our heart is not clean
in terms of my relationships,
that the Sahaba, the and that we used
to we used to feel scared to enter
the month of Ramadan
without cleaning. Like, we would be, like, literally
scared
if we had anything in our heart against
anyone, and we're entering Ramadan. You know, like,
this is something that and that's why the
that we mentioned it before that the Nisfuh
Shaaban, 15th of Shaaban, the Hadith
that Allah looks at his creation, and he
forgives them. This is like Allah getting us
ready, you know, for Ramadan, and and that
specific thing mentioned that if somebody has malice
in their heart, if somebody has, you know,
this bad feeling, ill feeling against someone in
their heart. Right? Right. So
that's so important. And and how can that
how can you go into taqwa, consciousness of
Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala,
with that with having all of that in
your heart
and and that showing up in your relationship
with people.
Right. And it all goes hand in hand.
Right? Because if we are not tending to
those relationships,
if we are not mindful of them,
then that is going to eat away at
us. It is going to affect our mood,
our concentration,
our ability
to perform. And so if any of you
have had, let's say, an argument with your
spouse or your children have really made you
angry or disappointed you, you know, it's really
difficult to to focus in even in your
prayers. It's hard to be productive.
So we really need to see
mending our relationships
is just as important
as getting our worship done, and that this
is the whole objective of, of this Ramadan
series. A mindful Ramadan, it's about being mindful
of yourself, your thoughts, your emotions,
your character,
and then ultimately your relationship with others.
So tell us about meditation,
brother Wadoop.
This is something that one of the teachers,
you know, mentioned. 1 of the scholars mentioned
that meditation
you know, like, we've been talking about being
mindful, and meditation is something that's been used.
You know, now now it's
it's one of those things that's proven to
improve your mental health and emotional wellness and
your focus and the mind training. You know?
Like, now the common, I think, mainstream definition
is, like, it's a it's a group, a
family of practices that help you train your
mind.
Right? Meditation.
But when we think about, like, meditation
in Islam,
when you think about meditation in our deen,
can we can we go and meditate
in the forest, in the jungle, in the
mountains, and become a monk,
and just have this amazing relationship with Allah.
Right?
Can we have this beautiful relationship with Allah?
Like, man, there's nobody else to bug me.
Nobody has to bother me. All these people,
I'm just fed up with the world. Right?
Now I'm just going into this place where
I'm gonna have my zen, and I'm gonna
get to my best self with just between
me and god, you know. And
and one of the scholars, he mentions that,
you know, your meditation on the mountains
and your meditation in the forest can lead
you to vanity,
But when you when you learn to meditate
in the middle of all your relationship, in
the middle of all your people, you know,
and you learn to connect to Allah
in the middle of all those challenges
that you deal with with people every day,
that's when you become the real, you know,
seeker of God. That's when you really get
to connect with God. And this is something
so beautiful about the prophet, sallallahu alaihi wasallam,
that he taught us
that, you know, this ummah is not allowed
to go become a monk anymore. We have
to live with our families, we have to
live with our relationships,
and we have to meditate and contemplate and
reflect and connect and make vicker in the
middle of all of that. So what are
people telling you? Very, very beautiful. And I
like,
what you had said,
when we had met. I wanna quote what
you said. Meditation on the mountains can lead
to vanity. Meditation in the midst of people
is the real flex. I thought that was
Real flex.
The real flex. That's the real flex. Yeah.
Yeah. Doing it in the midst of all
that because we need to really look at
meditation. It's not yeah. I think a lot
of people visualize it as if, like, you
know, you're closing your eyes and you're going,
you know, and you're kind of zoning out,
but it's actually about zoning in
and being more aware and regulating your emotions
much more present with the people around you.
Yeah. Yeah. Going from going from autopilot
to aware
even in the midst of, like, how can
you be alone with God? This is what
our teachers and many of our classical scholars
mentioned. Like, be alone with God even in
a crowd. You know? Like, learn to be
alone with God in the middle of the
crowd. And this is this is the gift
of connecting your heart and not be nobody
knowing. And to the point that the process
said there would be people that nobody knows
and nobody is pointing their finger, Like, if
they raise their hand and they swear by
Allah, Allah will immediately answer their duas. And
these are people that, you know, even without
anyone noticing, you're have that deep connection with
Allah. That's beautiful.
You know, we'd I, emphasize a lot in
my counseling on self talk,
and when you talked about when you brought
up right now this, being with Allah,
I thought about also that dialogue, that constant
dialogue we have
with Allah,
and that can help us so much. I
mean, there's so many times that I'm I'm
praying for wisdom from Allah. You Allah help
me to say the right thing in the
right way.
And, and when we have that constant dialogue,
it really keeps us in check that that
we are under surveillance.
Our actions are being recorded, and we're going
to be judged on it and there are
consequences.
And as long as you have that mindfulness,
then it really, like, you are able to
stay,
you you're staying in the hoodoo of Allah,
the boundaries that Allah has established.
Yep. Yep.
And, you know, that can we
can we have, you know, can we can
we swear? Can we lie? Can we be
god, can they really
have that bad character while they have taqwa,
while they are mindful of Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala? And that's so difficult to they they
they just don't go together. They just don't
go together. They don't. They don't. It's really
the heedlessness,
the carelessness,
the forgetting,
but as long as you keep that in
mind, it's kind of like when, you know
that there you get that radar and, you
know, the police officer is right there.
Everyone is much more careful in their driving
because they realize
there's gonna be consequences. And if we can
develop that Ihsan to live in a way
that we realize Allah is constantly watching us
and and really rake in the adger
by,
by our relationships,
the way that we interact
with our,
with our children, with our spouse, with our
parents,
and see that as a as a way
to gen that. That that is it's a
very transformative
very
transformative when we start looking at our relationship
as a way to Jannah.
Yeah. Because, you know, it's not just about
because
we don't worship our emotions.
A lot of times, we we feel good.
We're on, like, emotional high, you know, when
we are able to get away from all
people and just have some focus
our own time or that's important. Right? We
we need that. But if we do too
much of that and we're just in that
zone of, like, where we just wanna be
alone, we don't wanna mix with any people,
and we don't wanna deal with our relationship.
We don't wanna take care of, you know,
our our obligations in our relationships, and we
just would rather
just go have my time and feel good.
Right? But the thing is that, you know,
emotions are important,
but
emotions are at the end of the day
creation of Allah, And we use any emotion,
every emotion as a means to get to
Jenna. So Right. You can't just go to
Jenna just by being happy all your life.
You're gonna have sadness in your life, and
you're gonna have to use that emotion to
go to Jenna as well. You're gonna have
Absolutely. No. You're gonna have difficult emotions of
patience and heartbreak and rejection and, you know,
anger and and all of that emotions you're
gonna have when you live with
when you take care of your relationships, and
when you regulate those or when despite those
emotions, when you still worship Allah, you don't
worship your emotion,
all of these emotions are gonna be means
for you to go to Jannah. Yes. This
is such a critical point that you bring
up that it's not just,
we can't be so consumed with our emotions.
Look at it as
as a I I like to call it,
like, signs in the road of life. Right?
When you have an emotion and it's telling
you something, if you're feeling anger, there's a
reason for it. If you're feeling
insecure, there's a reason. So you you kind
of look at it, and it's a mystery.
You wanna solve this mystery, understand it,
and and then
learn how to use all of those emotions
as a way, as you said,
get closer to Allah. And it's usually
the epiphanies happen
with heartbreak,
with disappointment,
with,
some kind of loss.
No one has an epiphany when they're,
usually, like, in the middle of a dance
floor. Right? There's no if it epiphany
when they are sailing in a, you know,
on a boat. It's usually when it's you
know, you get those difficult news, and you
you are disappointed, and you're hurt.
So we we really need to embrace all
of those emotions.
Yeah. So your salah, it is Ramadan. Like,
this last 10 nights, of course, you have
to make a plan to really stand and
and have deep connection with Allah, make deep
duas,
your qiyams, your Quran.
There is beautiful
connection that you're making with Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala, but don't forget the end goal. The
end goal is
how can you get closer to God and
closer to your best self?
That
all of that is helping you get forgiveness
from Allah, cleanse from
Allah and cleanse not just your sins of
the past, but cleanse your bad habits, your
bad character, your anything that brings you up
in the less than ideal way in your
relationship. So when you come out of your
salah,
you should be this person that's connected to
God and show that God centered mercy and
rahma in your relationship because the rahma reflects.
Allah says
oh, prophet of Allah, that the the the
the reason they were so gentle with them
is because of the rahma and the mercy
of Allah. And we know that we are
getting mercy when you're reading Quran. When you're
reading getting mercy, when you're making dua, when
you're making when you're making salah. So how
can we use that Rahma
and now embody the prophetic Rahma and step
out
with those Rahma in our relationship as well?
So critical for us to connect that. The
Rahma that we are getting from Allah in
our worship
and then transmitting
that to
our loved ones. So could you just, those
of you who are tuning in right now,
let us know. Do you feel a difference
in your relationships?
Are you
applying a little bit more of a mindfulness?
Do you
feel that anything has changed? Because if we
really look at the relationships as a litmus
test of how well my
worship is, then that is, you know, that
will give us a clue.
And,
and we can always improve ourselves and improve
our relationships. I know it's very difficult, especially
if you get in a rut, like, in
your marriage. You could,
get on each other's nerves
after some time. There could
be things that Yeah. Really are upsetting or
you're so hurt and disappointed.
You know, there's sometimes,
couples come in and they don't even wanna
sit on the same couch next to each
other. There are times when I tell them,
you know, to to hold hand they don't
wanna hold hands. They they are just fed
up and frustrated and angry.
So if you're in that situation,
just make a commitment right now that, you
know what, for the sake of Allah,
for, you know, for that sake of becoming
a better version of myself, I'm going to
make an effort now. I never and then
this is always a disclaimer I have to
give. I I never encourage anyone to stay
in an abusive relationship. So if you're in
an abusive relationship, you need to
seek help for that. But if it's just
annoyances
we all have certain annoyances in our in
our marriages, and we need to be able
to
overcome them.
So let's see.
Yes. Before I speak to my clients, I
say the Dua of Musa, that connection with
Allah is there.
You have that mindfulness before you help out.
That that's beautiful.
What about I'm not hearing anyone talking about
their relationships. Is that on purpose?
Is
that what do you see? We've gotta we're
gonna hear more about your Ramadan relationship repair,
sister Holly. Okay. Sure.
You know,
I feel that
Ramadan is a great time to work on
your relationship
because
it is you know, we are at a
Iman high.
Shayatin are locked up,
and reward is tripled multiply.
And so this is it's a free service.
It's a free series
of videos that can help you in your
relationships if you'd like to get it.
I'm not sure if we have anyone on
that could,
send the link, and it'll help you. It'll
help you to work on your so if
you're stuck
and you feel that,
you need a little bit of support because
you can't do it on your own, it
gives you some good pointers.
I love that.
Did you wanna share some nuggets from that?
Sure. You know, it's,
as far as, you know,
with a Ramadan
making improvement in your relationship,
be the change you want to see. Right?
A lot of times people come in and
say, I want more attention
from my spouse. And I say, well, give
more attention. I need more affection.
Start giving more affection.
And it's so,
it's incredible
when you see that the person
that is really dying for that, let's say,
attention,
and they're just sitting and waiting for their
their spouse to change. And it usually what
happens if you're waiting for your spouse to
change? You're gonna be disappointed.
But when you step up and you start
maybe giving more love, giving more attention, giving
more affection,
then it's automatic, unless someone has maybe some
kind of psychological disorder. They're very narcissistic,
but, generally, a person starts reciprocating.
Yeah. Yeah. And there is this beautiful
hadith that
I really love love love, you know, about
Ramadan,
and it goes like this. And,
he narrated from
and then when Ramadan came near, the the
prophet,
you know, he would be talking about the
Ramadan, and he would say Ramadan is Ramadan
has come. It's the it's the month of
Barakah. But something that really beautiful in this
hadith that prophet mentions, there are a few
things that he mentions
that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that
Allah looks at your competition for good deeds.
Oh, wow. So so so this competition for
good deeds, you know, like, how can we
be of competition
who can serve the other person better in
this?
That's a beautiful way. Who can be of
more more service to each other? Who can
be who can have more command and compassion
in the house? Who can help out more?
Who can,
really help out and and and help with
a star or suhoor, you know, help clean
up
or help, each other or,
be this really kind person to lift each
other up. That competition don't just
restrict it to
your how many rakats or how many how
number of pages and duas, which is really
important. Right. But also also also expand it
to who can be better. And why can
husband and wife you know, like, a lot
of times people, like, a lot of my
I know a lot of my younger cousins,
the younger generations are growing up in the
in the in the age of isms. Right?
Individualism
and the feminism and and all of these
other isms. And it's so important,
you know, that we keep reminding them because
they come to me and my wife a
lot of times because we're the older cousins.
We got married, you know, way before them.
Right. And they ask us for advice and,
you know, we have our ups and downs.
We have our challenges we've gone through. All
marriages do. And we just talk to them
and say, you know, why can't they're like,
oh, I want my husband to do this
and do that, and I don't want to
you know, and this is the type of
husband I want, you know, from a lot
of our our girl cousins
to the point that it almost feels like,
you know, like not they want almost like
a revenge
for all the things that men have done
in the ages, you know, like in the
century, like in the previous generation, oh, my
dad just sat there, and my mom did
all these things, and Mhmm. So now I
want my husband to do this. So we
we all me and my wife, we talk
about it and say, why can't you compete
with each other and who can serve the
other person more?
That that is an incredible
motto to have.
Those who race with each other. And as
a husband and wife, you bring up a
really good point because sometimes they compete in
how much they earn, Sometimes they compete in,
like you said, the I finished this many
times, you know, or I finished the Quran
this many times. But if you
compete in
serving one another. I think that's beautiful.
Let's see. We have some individuals.
Both me and my spouse remind each other
to pray.
My mindset is when he rises, I rise
and vice versa. That's that's beautiful. So you're
reminding each other. Would you like to take
this one,
brother?
Yeah. The one that is talking about,
tips for repairing relationship with the parent
who has a different faith in is that
the one that you you asked about? We
just have this one up.
I have a very good relationship
with my family,
and let's see. You can take this one.
The test for repairing relationship with a parent
who has a different fit. I was looking
at the chat Mhmm. Comment.
Yeah. This is something that
you know, it's not just different faith, but
we've seen
this challenge not just with different faith but
also parents of our own faith. And we're
seeing the newer generation how they have they
don't wanna do anything. They have they want
nothing to do with their parents once they
get to certain age, you know. Right. So
it's amazing because
we have to think about,
you know, when when Soleiman alaihi wasalam came
of age, the dua that he made. And
remember that one of the purpose of Centimeters
and later
And
that so that you become more mindful, more
conscious, more aware, you don't snap on autopilot.
You don't just, like, snap back. It just
says you react.
You are tat zakun. You are aware. You
move from autopilot to aware. You you enter
things with intention.
You you make the effort, you know, to
be more conscious, more aware. And like sister
Holly was saying, it's an amazing advice, sister
Holly, that he gave, in terms of tune
in and be the person you wanna be.
Like, you show you like, okay, my parents
never hug me. My parents never acknowledge me.
My parents never loved me. My parents never
said I love you. You know all of
these things that we say even when we're
an adult?
Yes. Okay.
Write these down. Reflect on them. Understand that
you have some issues around them. Mhmm. You
know, some things that you wished. You know,
all of that. And do the work that
you need to do, but at the end
of the day, what if what if
after you've done the inner work, after you've
come to awareness, you shift that to not
just
living,
you know, with the blame on the other
person. A lot of times what we what
happens is that whoever made a mistake,
we the rest of our life, we justify
what we do by blaming it on the
other person. Oh, it was his fault. My
mother's fault. My father's fault. They did this
to me. But the thing is that, isn't
that kind of a lazy way to live?
Like, if we think about the Sahaba and
the prophet, how much effort they made and
what their parents did to them to drive
them away from their city, their homes, their
everything, and how they forgave,
how they came back to Mecca, and what
they did.
What's what's is that is that the right
prophetic way to lift? Always shift the blame
on someone else and not show up with
our best self instead.
And we have to remember, it's not your
fault,
right, if you went through that abuse or
trauma, but it is your responsibility.
And if you just point the finger at
other people, you live a miserable life. Right?
It's not only lazy,
but it's miserable.
So we have let's see. I have a
very toxic sister-in-law and brother-in-law.
They have been physically abusive to me and
my son Scammed my husband out of a
lot of money and been verbally abusive. Yeah.
Allah, we're so sorry that you're going through
that.
Sometimes people get tested by their family members,
and it's very critical
that you learn from this experience. You protect
yourself
because you don't necessarily have to be best
friends with people in your family, especially if
they're toxic, especially if they are taking advantage
of you.
But it's a matter of this one, I
I would say, needs
to you need to delve into it and
get get some grounded advice.
Brother, Wajid, would you like to say anything?
I think I think,
speaking to a counselor or someone that can
help through the steps are gonna be important.
Just this,
webinar is not gonna be enough for this
type of situation, but we always talk about
this thing about abuse abuse. Like, you don't
we don't take abuse. Physical abuse is not
tolerated.
Immediately boundaries around it. No need to, you
know, keep up all the different, you know,
good things that you want to do in
your hearts. Make dua, but keep distance, keep
some boundaries, and don't get into a place
where, you know, so that get into a
place where you can completely protect yourself from
abuse first and foremost.
That's really cool.
Absolutely.
So we're gonna shift the discussion a little
bit now
into
we're talking about relationships and marriage. What do
you see, and I want all of you
who are tuning in to answer this, what
are some of the key
challenges
that
what are some of the key challenges
about
women
shared by men?
What are you what do you think?
What do you think, brother Wadud? What are
some of the Yeah. What are some key
challenges about women shared by men? Okay. So
what do men complain about? Or what do
men
what are what are all the, you know,
like, top,
complaints of the men, right, about their women,
like like that? Okay. Let me think. Let
me think.
Muhammad. It's just,
it Well, let me jump with you. Do
you wanna hear from others? Are they please
Yeah. Yeah. Let's hear from the audience. Yeah.
Let's hear from others.
I will maybe I'll start off with 1.
Okay? A lot of times, it's like a
lack of emotional regulation.
Right? It's this about my wife just freaks
out, overreacts,
she has these meltdowns.
So that that seems to be a very
frequent complaint.
Anything
else?
Yeah. We've
there's also,
sometimes a power struggle.
You know, when with a husband and wife,
there's a power struggle
and,
and some immaturity.
Like, not giving me my
the respect that I deserve because men, you
know, their their their first one of the
top things is always about respect.
Yes.
Being disrespected.
Exactly.
And we should pose this as well. What
are some of the key challenges about men
shared by women? So what are women's complaints?
Let's see.
Okay.
Let us know you're awake by responding.
This is you know, when we're doing a
live and,
the your involvement,
your engagement,
asking, responding
fuels us as speakers. Right? And we get
fueled. When you are,
responding, we feel like, yes, you're tuning in.
But, what do you think are some of
the complaints about
about men?
So,
yeah, so there's quite a few, you know,
not not showing love enough. Mhmm. Not
not showing love. Affection.
Love and affection is one of those. And
then also
not having the emotional intelligence. Yeah. Do you
understand?
That's a big one. Not having the emotional
intelligence,
not listening.
Right? Maybe being too controlling.
Difficult to make them hear anything. Yeah.
Too controlling.
So these are things that, as, you know,
men and women, we really,
we struggle with.
And I focus my attention on on women
with, like, with mindful hearts and helping them
to be, like, a a better version of
themselves, learning the emotional intelligence, and
how to control their
emotions,
how to be in control of all that.
And,
there's been a lot of requests,
a lot of the women, because they've seen
their relationships improve, alhamdulillah, they're like, well, what
about the men? The men need this. The
men need to learn how to be a
better version of themselves. So we have,
this is our special announcement.
Brother with dude, which is like Oh, we're
we're we're we're we're
We can we can hold off.
Let's announce with the salawat.
Blessed.
Oh, there he goes. Sister Susan is giving
us a little pointer there. We need a
male version of mindful hearts.
Ah, Susan.
Good job. High five, Susan.
Alright.
So, yes, men, they're wanting to fix things
instead of just listening, which is what is
needed sometimes.
Alright. Yeah. And,
let's see. I lost my husband in a
kinda sense. I can't really comment here. Yeah.
May Allah raise him to the highest level
of Jannah
and give you give you sabr, sister.
We need a male version of mindful hearts.
You are just, like, leading right up to
this. We did not plan this.
Yeah. You'll have to call it something different.
Well, we've got just the thing.
Oh,
That's amazing.
Okay. So drum roll, please.
There we go.
Jesus Christ. So tell us, mister Holly, what
is it? Well We wanna hear from you.
Yeah. Sure. So we are doing,
mindful
masculinity.
Isn't that amazing? So m squared, mindful
masculinity,
it is all about
learning to be you know, for men to
improve themselves, and we have we're gonna have
the wisdom
and the experience of
brother Wudud Hassan. You have seen him. You've
heard him. You know how much he has
to offer,
and this is gonna be incredible insight
on, you know, prophetic,
emotional intelligence.
There's going to be, you know, this awareness.
I will also be appearing,
and my husband Abdul Majid and we're going
to share from a, you know, from a
relationship
perspective,
and he he has given some really good
advice to some you know, when men get
married, he gives them a talk,
and they always remember. Right? They remember that
talk and
change a lot of relationship. But, brother, we
do please give us your,
perspective
and Yeah. Inshallah, this is exciting. We do
need men to step up and be their
best self. Right? And a lot of times,
I've been talking to the men, and I've
been doing a clip of series where I,
you know, especially, you know, hammer the man
a little bit and say, you know, when
are we gonna really grow up, you know,
as men?
When are we going to really adult? And
when are we going to work on our
self doubt? A lot of our men, they're
going through this self doubt. They they they
haven't claimed
their confidence or their God centered purpose and
meaning in life. Mhmm. And they're basically,
you know, going to work, coming home, and
seeking all these validation
through that masculine, you know, like control, and
and and not understanding that that that validation
comes from finding deep meaning within yourself,
deep meaning with God, finding your purpose, finding
your best self.
And so they haven't worked on self doubt.
They haven't worked on guilt. Mhmm. They haven't
worked on
fear, their fears,
their anger.
So a lot of it then comes back
to the way they show up with their
family and their kids, spouse. So it's so
important for men to do the inner work,
to do the inner work.
And me and me and brother Abdul Majid
are talking about, you know, how to get
them through, of course, this the neuroscience, the
intersection between Islamic psychology and neuroscience.
Get them through, like, how can we get
men to be introspective? How can we get
them from out of autopilot to aware? How
can we get them
to really have a a routine of, you
know, finding their best self through
practices, you know, that they can commit to,
that can get them through to their best
self? But,
also, you know, that after that initial emotional
wellness fitness, you know, mindful masculinity course, Also,
after the content, hold their hand a little
bit for some coaching
on challenges they're having, sometimes maybe at their
career. You know? Like, me and Abdulazhmajid has
have both been in leadership and running our
companies and organizations.
So how can we also hold them hold
their hands in helping them become the best
leaders? You know, first Yes. Work with your
inner self, overcome that emotional intelligence issue, the
mindfulness issue, and then once you have the
spiritual emotional grounding, build on it. Become your
best version of yourself as a leader at
work, at home, wherever you are, child. It
is amazing. I am so, so excited about
this because, you know, for several years, I've
been hearing it from a lot of the
sisters. We need to do something. Demand. Demand.
Demand. And so now
having you on board, brother Waddud.
It is really I think this is going
to be a game changer because, you know,
just like you said, men need to show
up as a leader, and there needs to
be balance. And we have Suzanne.
You're saying, I love it,
Love the name too. Mindful masculinity,
m squared.
The name mindful hearts wouldn't fly with guys.
This is perfect.
Exactly.
Exactly. We need more we need more feedback
from Suzanne as we build this, you know,
to what what's gonna really fly with the
man.
Yes. She's been always, Mashallah, extremely supportive
and always there. She's been on mindful hearts
herself. So,
you know, what we see a lot or
what I have seen in the past 3
decades in doing counseling is that masculinity
is like people see it as, like, one
of 2 extremes. Right? Do you either
have men who are very aggressive
and controlling,
and they see that being a leader means
being a tyrant,
and then you have
those who are complete doormats. They don't speak
up, and they're taken advantage of. And we
know that the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam
has taught us what is the the prophetic
masculinity,
and that's something we're gonna talk about. And
so this is why it's so
incredibly
exciting because, you know, as we're changing ourselves,
then, you know, during Ramadan, we don't want
it to end. Right? We wanna continue.
It's like you can't go to the gym
twice and say, okay. I'm done for the
year. Right? Or 1 month, I'm gonna work
out and then that's it. That's it. We
we want it to be continuous,
so this will be a community where you
can,
continue
your growth.
And those of you who are sisters on
here, I'm sure you'll have, you know,
your maybe brothers,
you have your sons, you have your husbands,
cousins,
individuals that you can share this with so
that everybody can grow and, and benefit.
Such an important thing to do and what,
you know, a lot of times we see
in the time that we're living in,
men, we really have lost it because
we are not going out there and learning
those life skills anymore. You know, like men
had to
get out and, you know, think about whether
it's agriculture
or whether it's the hunter gatherer or, you
know, whether it's just getting out and learning
to be in touch with your animals.
Just the emotional intelligence you learn, you know,
like, taking care of your just maintaining your
horse, for example. Right? Mhmm. And the connection
with your animals, feeding them, being with them,
men learning to be alone, men learning to
find themselves in the nature. You know, mindfulness
was, like, it was programmed in the way
that people live because they didn't have distractions,
they didn't have their apps, they didn't have
their phones. So you go out in the
nature, and you sit in the nature. And
you sit for hours in the nature waiting
for something,
you know, waiting for someone or doing something
that really connected to you, and that and
it healed our brain that Yeah. In present.
You know, and it's such,
the quality of that focus, quality of that
understanding. But males in general were given kinda
like this right of passage with their mentors
where they learn these skills to become a
man from a boy to a man, you
know. And that doesn't happen anymore where our
kids are, you know, with their popcorns and
their chips, you know, sitting on their, you
know, lounging their couches in front of their
video games, and spending most of their, you
know, teenage years and college years and not
learning any of the life skills and not
getting up. And some of the cultures have
not really served the men, the boys, you
know? Yes. Because we also don't call them
to the kitchen, and don't teach them how
to Mhmm. Take care of and serve their
families.
So we all of a sudden, we've trained
our girls to do all of these things,
and the boys are sitting on the couch,
eating their chips, watching their video and doing
their video games. And then what type of
men are we gonna raise from that? So
that's a huge problem.
It's a huge problem. And like you said,
a lot of the women are it's like
the pendulum has swing to the opposite extreme.
They saw their moms doing everything,
and it's like now they're just like, I'm
not doing anything. So we we have a
lot to work on as an ummah,
and the reason a lot of marriages are
falling apart is because the men are lacking
that awareness. They're lacking that sense of,
you know, showing up showing up for the
family,
and so this is what is going to
really I feel it's gonna be transformative.
So, you know, as we as we get
close to wrapping today's
today's,
you know, webinar,
going back to asking yourself about who are
you going to become?
Mhmm. Who are you going to become post
this Ramadan?
Who are you gonna become?
What what does the best version of yourself
look like? So I would say, you know,
we it's natural
for us to have this,
you know,
dip towards the middle of Ramadan when you're
starting to kinda like you know, it becomes
a routine. All of a sudden, you're getting
a little tired. You need a little bit
of that boost,
and you want to get back up and
push yourself for the last 10 nights.
It's it's okay to just when this few
nights are happening leading up to next few
nights, leading up to the last 10 nights,
it's okay to just sit for a minute
and maybe
just reset your intention for the last 10
nights. Mhmm. Reset,
you know, how are you gonna show up
with your best character. Yeah. How are you
gonna transform your relationships?
How you're going to really have that deep
connection, not just quantity, but how are you
gonna really be present
in the Quran, with your duas, with your
salah.
Don't be discouraged. Don't be discouraged. You know?
I I think we both were talking about
how,
different circumstances
in our lives happen, and and, you know,
the momentum could kinda slow down, but it's
how you finish the race. Right? It is
how you finish the race. And the, sister
Iman is saying, I will direct my young
sons, age 21 and 22, to this link.
Inshallah,
they will benefit greatly jazakAllah here for your
great work and service to Muslims globally. Oh,
that's very that's very kind.
Says, my wish is to remain in peace
with the Qadr of Allah
about my current life situation.
Oh, that that's that's beautiful if we can
all accept our current situation.
Now you know what just occurred to me,
brother Wadoop? What would be an amazing thing
is
giving this as an egift.
Right?
That'd be amazing. That'd be great to continue
that. Yeah. You know, these are these are
the best things that, I mean, I feel
like some of the courses and classes and
and coachings that I have done are probably
the best things that I have done. Right?
Whether it was in my Arabic studies, or
my Islamic studies, or there are times that
I've invested in just in my mindfulness or
emotion intelligence certifications, or courses and classes. Yes.
You never you never regret those things because
it helps you grow to a better version
of yourself when you learn, when you surround
yourself with people that are seeking their best
selves.
And it's so important to be in that
community with with the good content, coaching,
and the community. It's so important to invest
in yourself.
It really, really is. I can say that
for every course that I have ever signed
up for, especially self development,
Whatever that has made me more aware of
who I am,
what makes me tick, what can make me,
you know, regulate myself
better, show up, and be a better version
of myself.
And I have spent,
1,000 of dollars on on those self development
programs, and I can honestly say that it
was the best investment.
So,
we are going to be very,
excited to continue this. So this is not
gonna end in
Ramadan. We're going to,
you know, grow this community
and help help the men
to show up. And sisters, if you're not
on the mindful hearts, you know, you could
you could do a mindful hearts. Your husband
does the
mindful masculinity,
and together, you're gonna be amazing.
It will be a
a really great,
improvement
inshallah.
How,
should we go ahead and see can y'all
put some nuggets of what you're walking away
with today? Anything that
kinda resonated
and,
something that you're walking away with as far
as today?
And, brother Wadud, if you could also I
will share I will share my screen just,
for a second
and,
share this heart model. Think about reflect on
this model,
and don't forget, you know, the mindfulness, like,
whenever you're triggered
whenever you're triggered, take a few deep breaths.
We talked about the strategies of
grounding yourself, your mind, focusing your mind,
releasing the tension from your body, focusing your
heart, and then coming and then making your
intentions.
And a lot of times that prophetic silence,
in the field of psychology now, in the
emotional regulation they call it like the sacred
pause. You know, like the sacred pause, the
prophetic silence, is such an important thing when
you are triggered in your relationships, in your
character, and just
pausing, and then just doing the breath work,
and
making vikr, adding vikr as a Muslim, you
know, activating your heart, and then not reacting
and waiting, taking some time
to craft your response
and get to your best self and say
even in your mind think like what would
the prophetic what would a prophetic response be
like? Even if you're not ready, just bring
that to your mind, and take some time
to cultivate that silence,
that reflection,
and you don't always have to react or
respond right away. Wait.
Wait. Maybe it's not thing is to the
best thing is to be quiet because,
you know, when you are triggered,
you when you're angry,
your brain, all of the brain shuts down
except for fight or flight,
and that's why people become so reactionary. So
you're gonna learn,
for those of you who will get onto
the mindful masculinity,
so many tools in how to manage your
anger, how to show your affection,
how to really show up,
and balance, and not to be a doormat.
Definitely, we don't need doormats. That's not the
prophetic way and and not to be a
tyrant. So you're gonna find that middle path,
the prophetic
masculinity,
Insha'Allah.
So that's gonna be amazing. And I would
like to just make,
some dua
for our,
for everyone tuning in.
May Allah heal your hearts. May Allah help
may Allah help us all to heal our
hearts. May Allah help us to
overlook the shortcomings
of our of our spouse, of our children,
of our parents.
You Allah help us to really forgive sincerely
this Ramadan. You Allah, help us to see
our relationships
as a litmus test of our worship.
And if we have been failing so far,
you Allah, help us to finish strong. You
Allah, get us back on track. You Allah,
help us to have the motivation,
the way the sahaba and the prophet
You Allah, help us to finish this race
strong
and help us to really work on ourself,
do the inner work,
and let
our relationships
thrive
after Ramadan,
and help us in all the difficulties that
we are facing. You Allah, remove the difficulties,
remove the stress. You Allah, increase the risk
and help us in every endeavor.
And you Allah, help our brothers and sisters
in Palestine no matter what we're going through.
They have such a challenging time. May Allah
help them and save them and cure them
and feed them
and make this madness stop.
Would you like to add to that dua,
brother Wadhud?
May Allah grant the healing to our brothers
sisters in Palestine. May Allah
give them the beautiful visualization of his and
his light and his Rahma and his compassion
and that no one can hurt their soul
and their ruh, they are protected by Allah,
they are saved by Allah, they are in
the company of Allah, the shuhaday may Allah
accept from them,
And this world, it'll it'll act it'll feel
like a second or split second or it'll
not even they'll not remember any of these
sufferings when Allah dips them in in the
in this beautiful paradise and Jannah fulfill those
even for a split second. May Allah grant
them that tranquility
and open up Jannah in their hearts and
their Rahma and their sakti Allah feed them
from his infinite treasures and unlimited provisions.
May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala through their sacrifice
and their sacrifice, may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
open the doors of deen and guidance
for the entire Ummah
to come back to Allah and to his
Deen and to see Haqq as Haqq and
see Baatil as Baatil.
Allah grant us to get to our best
self. May Allah
our brothers and sisters. Grant them profane. May
Allah everything we've talked about in this series,
thank we thank you for your blessing. Anything
good we have said is because of your
tawfiq and your kindness,
Anything that we have said that is not
good, you Allah, is because of our shortcomings
and our nafs.
Protect us from our nafs. Forgive us in
our shortcomings.
Accept from
us all the tools we've been talking about
for how to show up with that mindful
heart, how to show up with good quality,
how to show up, you Allah, with mindfulness
and purpose and gratitude and sugar and sabr
and rahma, You Allah these beautiful prophetic qualities.
Oh yeah.
Teach us how to, teach us the tools,
teach us the practice, You Allah give us
tawfiq to benefit from, You Allah everything that
we have talked about more than we have
said or shared, give us ourselves the reputation
and correction and
it's the calm and steadfastness on those tools.
Amen.
Amen. We'll be closer to you and closer
to your best self. And everybody that's been
listening Allah, please guide them, protect them, bless
them, and give them to continue their journey
with the beautiful content and coaching and community
that can help continuously transform
them and continue to get them to journey
to their best self.
Forgive all of us that have been speaking
or listening, our guests, forgive our families, protect
us from all harm
and continue to increase us in all khair
and all good. Give us that visualization
of what's the best self, what does our
best self look like spiritually
and emotionally and physically, financially, occupationally.
And once you've given us that clarity and
the vision You Allah, do not let us
deviate from
that,
we ask you for protection from losing our
blessings,
and then losing our vision, and losing
our momentum,
and our clean and clear path and tofic
for continuous
movement towards that best self, that best vision
of ourselves.
Once you have guided
us, do not deviate our heart once you
guided us to that vision, once you guided
us with these tools, once you guided us
to the tools and content and coaching and
community
give us the tawfiq through your rahma in
the council we love to keep on giving
and keep on giving and keep on giving
out of your beautiful name wahaab and mujeeb
arrahmanurheem
salaam
urham, salaam, aku, nakafu,un turbulafu,fafu,anah. You Allah, with
your beautiful names we ask you to accept
all of these duas, grant us protection of
all harm, and grant us beautiful tawfiq and
steadfastness and continuous increase in all khair and
all ghar. Ameen. Ameen. Ameen. Alhamdulillah.
Oh, Masha'Allah. What a what a comforting and
soothing du'a. JazakAllah
Khayden for that.
Masha'Allah's
beautiful comments coming in that fixing our relationship
with Allah is
not enough, and we need to be mindful
of how we treat others.
That is the that's everything we've been talking
about in a nugget.
And and actually actually,
it is the fixing of your relationship with
Allah actually means
when it your relationship is fixed with his
creation because that is when you really have
fixed your relationship with Allah. Beautiful. Beautiful.
For this webinar.
Mister Samra is saying thank you so much
for this. I've always told my husband and
son about you. I have one son who
is a newlywed, and also my husband will
benefit.
Inshallah.
Inshallah, well, we're very excited
to to start this, and we will,
If we can put the link up again
so that you can put your is this
it?
I believe so. Right? Thank you, everybody.
It's so nice to see everybody.
All all the beautiful people from all over
the world. Right? Much love to the chat
right now. Northern Ireland, Nigeria, France, North Carolina,
Manchester.
Yes. Wow.
In Durban.
Muschaughey.
Texas.
Dallas.
Alright.
Thank you so much for coming.
Remember
on Monday Wednesday, we have, an amazing
lineup of speakers. Next week, it's gonna be,
sister
Megan Rice. Megan Rice. If you know her
famous YouTuber
who,
just started a book club with the
reading the Quran. She's a non Muslim,
and it's 16,000
strong and,
she took her shahada, so you have to
tune in to that. And then we also
as, like, as a finale, we have brother,
Joe Bradford.
Chick Joe. That just doesn't roll off my
tongue somehow.
Right? So, yes. He has It it it
sounds very Texan. Check Joe.
Check
Joe. Yes.
Amazing story. Amazing story. So please tune in.
If you've missed any of them, you guys,
it's okay. You don't have to just tune
in live.
You can just watch the, the replays.
Mhmm.
Mhmm.