Be Careful When Sharing Your Matters To Others

We will have differences. It is only human

to have differences,

but

it is not

the quality of a believing male or female

to give up

so easily.

Don't.

You need to try your best. You need

to sit together. The almighty has given guidelines

of how to solve marital discord by telling

us

that there are several stages. If you cannot

together resolve it just the 2 of you,

then only

then only should you involve

seniors from either side. And that is if

necessary.

The reason why I say then only is

because

my brothers, my sisters,

the initial problem that you may face

within your

marriage or within your family,

The world does not need to know about

it. Your close friends don't need to know

about it.

At times even the broader family do not

need to know about it.

Do not unnecessarily

relate your problems to others.

It makes it more difficult to resolve.

They will start interfering and each one who

loves you more will probably not be as

tolerant as you would be

with either your spouse or whomsoever

the problem is with,

and they might give you the wrong guidance

out of love for you.

They might tell you, fix him, leave him,

you can do better, you will get married

again, etcetera. This is the type of advice

you hear from people. But if that's your

first port of call, do you know what?

You need to make sure

that you've understood I told the wrong person.

I told someone who really loves me so

much, they're not even prepared to give this

person a chance.

Sometimes when you expose what has happened in

your own

unit in terms of problem

to those who are around you, you may

have solved the problem but a long time

later they all still believe that you have

that problem. They may cause embarrassment

not just for you but for your spouse

whom you've already solved the problem with. So

therefore,

understand who you're speaking to. When seeking advice,

you may want to seek advice from someone

who doesn't know either of you at a

certain point.

Then if still you cannot resolve the matter,

you cannot solve the problem. Do you know

what?

Then you try something else. Then you may

want to get the families involved

and like I have said always,

it depends what exactly the matter is. If

it is so big and so serious,

then you might want to involve your family.

If you are in a situation where you

are facing for example

physical abuse,

we won't tell you calm down, sit down,

it's okay, forgive him, relax. No, that's unacceptable.

You are not supposed to be abused physically

as a Muslim.

People might cite verses and so on. They

have not interpreted them correctly. That's what it

is.

They might say, well I'm allowed to do

this and hang on. Hang on. You may

think you're allowed to do things.

I want to give you one quick example.

In Islam,

there are 2 types of

dissolving of the marriage. 1 is through divorce

issued by the male,

and the other is through a nullification

or a dissolution

that has nothing to do with the male,

but rather it's done

by the justice system. The kabis. I'm sure

in this country that's how it works too.

Or in countries where they don't have that,

then the panel of scholars.

One of the reasons that a marriage can

be dissolved is when there has been physical

abuse.

If physical abuse was permissible in Islam, why

would

the same laws

dictate

that you have the right to apply for

dissolution

of the marriage based on physical abuse?

Woah. Doesn't it show you that physical abuse

is not permissible? Hence, I said earlier,

when you are being abused to that degree,

please involve people who are going to save

you.

Today you might be beaten, tomorrow you might

be choked, and the following day you might

be murdered.

So don't let anyone tell you that, you

know what? You must solve all your problems.

Remember, at times

the problem may necessitate

that

you have escalated it to a degree where

maybe the marriage might break as a last

resort.

As a last resort it is a gift

of the almighty as a last resort. The

reason is we will not impose on you

to live in a situation that is unbearable.

It is torturing to your mental health.

Nobody should ever tell you, you must stay

there. My beloved parents who are here, if

your children are struggling in this way, do

not

give them the wrong advice.

in the name of solving family problems.

in the name of solving family problems.