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Challenges Facing Parents

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Ebrahim Bham

Channel: Ebrahim Bham

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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hamdulillah

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Al Hamdulillah. salat wa salam O Allah Milena Viva

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La Mulana Viva Viva La mata vadoma de la ke Tabata kitabi Wella Sharia tada Shariati.

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mavado favela Humana. shaytani, r rajim Bismillah Ar Rahman AR Rahim

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Allah COVID Salatu was

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Salam ala

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Marie de respected Hola, La Jolla,

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la elders, brothers, mothers and sisters, listeners on radio Islam. We begin by praising Almighty Allah for the many favors Allah has bestowed upon us, which undoubtedly we would never, ever be able to enumerate in thank Allah sufficiently for all the favors that he has granted us. In we send salutations and blessings in the road upon our greatest benefactor, our beloved nebia Kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barik ala Sayyidina Muhammad wa sallam respect respected elders and brothers. The topic that I have at hand today is the challenges of parenting. And I must thank my Leonard colleagues who have spoken before me, who have undoubtedly,

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given us the choices gems with regard to parenting, I suppose, in many ways, by the very nature

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of the topic that I have my discourse or my talk would be slightly different, in the sense that we will be discussing some of the challenges and in discussing some of the challenges, who will also try and relate that with some of the beautiful ideals that they have made mentioned.

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But of course, by the very nature of challenges, challenges sometimes speaks about

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not only the ideal, but those situations which are not according to the ideal.

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Also, keep in mind that I'm not only a guest speaker, but I'm also

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a parent with teenage and maybe even beyond that children.

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And I'm faced with the very same challenges that I would be relating, and face for the very same challenges that most of our parents in today's time are faced with.

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The live scene also many parents who are here, who are young, who are full of, you know, hope expectations with regard to their children. But of course, many times our parents tell us that you know, when children are small, the worries are small. When they become big, their worries also become big. And when we discussing some of the challenges, it would be more related to our teenage children,

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comparatively to our younger, and infant children, who many times will all agree have such a beautiful, innocence and joy to behold.

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also keeping in mind that none of us are perfect in parenting. By and large, there might be some perfect parents, but by and large in our society, none of us are perfect in parenting. I regard myself also in the same category. None of us are perfect in parenting and none of us have perfect children.

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And Allah tala also realizes our weakness and Latella

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while wanting us to strive towards perfection, also knows that we are not perfect.

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And Allah tala does not desire, I won't say desire lehtera doesn't expect perfection. But what Allah tala does expect from us is to commit ourselves to purifying ourselves transforming ourselves and striving towards an ideal,

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a very important aspect with regard to the rights when the authority and the responsibility of parents

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and liberal colleagues spoke about diets and there's no doubt here you alladhina amanu and fusa Cumani coonara who believe save yourself and your family members from the fire of janome. How inshallah come back also towards this right towards the end of my talk is a very beautiful incident about Maria Lozano, which I read in one of the magazines recently

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that a parent came tomorrow he allowed him to complain about his children, in particular one of his one of his adult child. So whom are they allowed to call up the child and listen to his side of the story?

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And the father expected? Or are they allowed to rebuke the son to rebuke the child but after listening to the child and that the Father has not fulfill his responsibility? The father was quite surprised when humara be allowed to call them up and rebuked him and said how do you expect your child

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To respect you when you have not respected your child, how do you expect your child to respect you and you have not been able to fulfill the rights of your children? So I think

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the topic that we have is about the challenges of parenting. When we speak to the children, we tell them about the rights that they owe towards their parents. But keeping in mind that if we don't fulfill the rights of our children, then sometimes it could happen, that they will not fulfill our rights. It's something that we have to keep in mind. Speaking about the challenges, I think the first aspect that we got to keep in mind is, is a very famous saying in management, seek first to understand then to be understood,

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only something that has been made famous by Stephen COVID one of his books, first seek to be to understand then to be understood, if you don't understand the situation, and then you speak without understanding the situation perhaps would not be as effective. And while this is a management principle, many of these management principles will not heal as my dear respected brothers, we will find better examples in the life of our beloved Divya cream sauce. You know, unnecessarily Malik we all know the incident you know, sir young person came in a service of service of Nivea cream sauce alum. And he says 10 years I stayed in the service of Nevis awesome. I never saw slim never, you

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know, rebuked me never hit me. And he is to say a very remarkable thing. And I heard this many times that there is also you should tell him something. And then in his playful just while playing, he seems to forget what Nivea cream sauce them is to say, I shouldn't do it. And then after a while, maybe a cream sauce ninja Anna's. I told you that? Did you do it? Did you do what I told you. And then you say, I'm going to do this now now. And I'm going to do this now. You know, I heard one side style psychologists saying that many times young children.

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They invite rebellion.

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Especially when they come teenagers, they invite rebellion.

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And when you actually give in to what they want, instead of it being productive, it turns out to be counterproductive. And so silom didn't, didn't engage him on what he wanted to engage. Why didn't you do this? Maybe someone has told him, I was gonna do what I told you here. So I'm gonna do it right now, although he didn't do it previously. So we got to we got to understand first, before we are and we before we, we understood. And it's a very important point. And when we say understand first, then you will be understood, it doesn't mean

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to understand does not mean to justify, I must make this very clear. To understand where your children are coming from doesn't mean you are justifying that you are only understanding where they're coming from, to make your advice to them more effective. Now, keep in mind, where our children are coming from today. They lived in a much more pressurized society. They have access to things that we never thought or never dreamt of. They have more temptations available to them that we ever had when we were small, even now, they have a situation with being inter continent inter inter connected, that you can believe is a very beautiful article that was written in the newspaper

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sometimes back, bringing up kids in a new brave world. Some of the stats there were quite remarkable. It said by the time a child reaches matric, it would have sent or received 200,000 SMS. By the time the child reaches metric, he would have sent and received 200,000 SMS. Many of our children are on Facebook. And as much as we deny the situation Oh, as much as we say that it is not right. It's such a reality that the founder of Facebook was named times Person of the Year of 2010.

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The founder of Facebook was named the Person of the Year in The Times Magazine. And this is because of the type of

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outreach that he has created. And in that article, they say in Facebook every 60 seconds. There are 1000 1 million rows of 1000 1,789,756 actions performed every minute throughout the world. Now, this is where our children are coming from.

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I gave a presentation on the USP Malawi, I think it was in March April. That time the stats was that if Facebook was a country, it would have been the 11th most populous country

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The world between Japan and Mexico. There was six months ago I spoke about 11th most populous country in the world. Today step is the Facebook was a country, it is a third most populous country in the world only behind India and China. So many people are on Facebook. Now I'm not saying that in any way to say this to justify or to to say that what they are doing whether they're on Facebook is right or wrong. All I'm saying is to understand understand is not to justify it is to understand where we're coming from. And then we are cream sauce them also use this example. You also use this principle understanding where people are coming from. That's the famous example. And sometimes we

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don't take lessons from what we saw slums actions were. So after the father of maca, via cream sauce, lamb tail has an eyeshadow Ayesha, if, if the people of Makkah were not recently converted, or not recently reverted or cannot been recently introduced to Islam, how they change the way to LA could have changed a bit to LA, I would have brought them down at floor level, I would have added the Hatim into the way to LA But why didn't I do so because there are still only recently they have coming to Islam, they will not understand the changes I made.

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What I'm saying there is also also understood where they are coming from in making decisions in explaining to people so if we don't understand where our children come from, we might not be able to connect with him. My dearest friend and colleague mana Sullivan will not give us very beautiful example. If you got a 10 digit number, with nine digits of yours are correct in one digit is not correct, you won't get through, no matter how much you try. So if you don't understand your children, and you are speaking at a level that they don't understand, sometimes you will not be able to get through to them. So seek first to understand before you are understood, and teenagers are

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teenagers today, you know a remarkable type of people. This teenagers, they say they they behave like children, but expect to be treated like adults, the only group of people who will spend 12 minutes to study for the final exams, and two and a half hours to study for the latest license. This is a reality. They are experts in everything besides what they're supposed to know. There is our teenagers, children, but we got to live with them. They're our children. Is there there's a first point in terms of the challenges. But also just keep in mind the fact that they are communicating so much tacit, tell you

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does it give an indication for a craving to be connected?

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The fact that they're communicating doesn't tell you that they want to be called they want to be connected. They want someone to communicate with them, therefore they are communicating at such a great level.

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Maybe we should look at the positive also. Another aspect is a loyal as in all the examples about great parenting. So our copper we believe in that they are our ideals for which we need to strive towards. We need to strive towards that. But sometimes you have to ask yourself a question. And I'm really as I said many of the things I'll be throwing open questions. I don't have the answers, but we need to think about it.

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Is there need to drop the bar. Let me give you an example some of the examples of our cabin and as I said, the reason why we make mention of this idea is that we strive towards it. It inspires us. But yet yet we ask the questions

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I heard from one as well. fikar might be about a very famous incident of biosci boustani Rahmatullah Lee biosci Buscemi father passed away the early age. mother looked after him, send him for studies and said don't come back until you complete your studies. by us it was time he went one day he had some free time as you start going up and visit my mother the mother said, Oh, by all means go and visit came knock at the door, the mother enthusiastic to meet his mother.

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The mother realizes this is my son said Who is it? By is it?

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I don't know anybody has it. I'm a woman who can open the door for anyone I don't know any buyers. The buyers eat ice. I know he is a student who is studying Dean there. He He said he's coming after he finished his I don't know any buyers.

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And buyers he got the message went back.

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That that was ideal. We strive towards it. But we ask ourselves the question, Can we do that in today's style. And we encourage it. I went in the 70s. So when when my 70s it was unwritten rule that foreign students or African students used to go back once in three years.

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So by and large once in three years, you came back home. Then then that situation came with every year you went back. Now I don't need to tell you the situation with regard to students. If they don't come back every week and fill in

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replenish the stock. Neither does a child get chair and support needed as a parent gets.

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What I'm trying to say that that ideas will surround copper but is there a need for us to drop the bar is a need for us to be more. I don't like to use the word realistic. I'm just I'm just asking the question how do we deal with these inspirational incidents that are made mentioned, we heard the incident and here the incident of as a chef Alhaji de mana Zakaria sobre la. throughout the world, people are in debt. It was a shift from coolala. For his great work that he has done. He came back from his parents, the type of upbringing they brought him. And we read that when he was smaller the age of four or five, his father one day asked for a cushion. And as a chairman, he said Should I

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bring you my cushion? Should I bring you

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my cushion?

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That one is up.

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Discipline beat him up for saying that one word. Your question. You have five years. What do you own? To say that is your question.

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So we we need we understand all this. When I said money matters in your alley when he was here nearby with the kids nearby. He said he recently said strive in today's time to minimize evil to the best of our ability. So I'm asking this question What is the situation we know that we can never irrespective of the Mahal that we are living in, we can never justify transgression? Allah's law laws are there to be from the time of delivery of Tiamat we can never ever justify transgression. What is wrong will always be wrong. hula yester will have

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a Java Coca Cola hobbies, even if ever he will becomes very widespread. Evil will be evil right we'll be wrong or we'll be right right we'll be right wrong will be wrong. You can you can mingle the two you can justify evil. But yet yet yet we ask the question

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as if one are so beautifully that one passage in the process this aspect to mind that when the brothers of Yusuf alayhi salatu was Salam. They sent him and they know they wanted to kill him. Then eventually instead of killing him, they sold him away in slavery. They came to us at iacobelli surat wasallam I can read as are beautifully Karissa bread already, said, Oliver. So well, let's look among Fausto komamura for sovereign Jamil.

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I know you have planned this what you are telling me that he was eaten up by a wolf with his lies

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spell so well at law calm and you have made up the story. I know you have made up the story. Summer is better for me. But yet, knowing that his own children, his own children conspired to kill one of their own brothers.

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He still stayed with them. He still allowed them to be in their in his homes. He was still worried about the physical and other type of

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survival. So when he went to each episode Yeah, Benny allotter homi Bhabha, Illumina Bobby Metallica, oh, my children don't enter into one gate enter into different gates, people's misery must not fall upon you. Despite the fact that the father knew that they conspired to kill one of my children. And there's not any any child It was at this time to be the enemy of Allah. Does it in any way. As I said, I'm not used as a challenge does it still give us that? Drop the bar and still live with your children and still give them advice? Even if you know that what they're doing is wrong? I don't know. I'm throwing up these challenges and I'm making mention of it. Another important point

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is of course, how do we read out do we live live with a situation with regard to we know about technology, I spoke about one or two aspects about the technology. We all know today that

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the phone is a convenience not a core function on objective in life. Cell phone is a means of communication is a core function, or objective in life. Owning a cell phone because of a convenience is one thing.

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But flashing your cell phone around as a means of superiority is quite pathetic. But that's the reality.

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Owning a cell phone because it is a means of communication is a means of convenience. Convenience is something that we cannot understand. But flushing it around as a means of convenience a means of superiority is quite pathetic. That is a reality. We are living in a situation where that particular cell phone is not only a means of convenience is a means of superiority is a means of, you know being understood as some form of success by your peers by your friends. It's a means of I don't know it's a means of so many things. And I'm fully aware with regard to the situation and I agree with people that there are two of them.

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Because that person can take

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that wrong is wrong. Cell phones are used for many, many wrong things. It is used for MCs, it is used for SMS, sometimes across the gender barrier, all of that we understand, therefore wrong is wrong, I'm not going to give it to my children, I salute the parents who can do that. And really also a very fantastic method of dealing with it. But yet at the same time, we also know that when children do not have it, they sometimes crave they feel, my parents do not love me or trust me enough to give me that particular convenience, it leads to a situation of low self esteem, it leads to a situation where they feel they're missing out on something that leads to a situation where they

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feel the parents don't love them, don't trust them. And all of that is there. And all of it is such a way. And I know of situations where parents have become strict with the children with regard to a children's a found means and methods of getting it some other way.

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I'm not giving any answer with regard to it. I'm just wondering, that is in any way possible. Is it any way possible for us to to shield our children from all the negative influences that happened to them? Is it possible?

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That's one question that we need, is it possible? And the second thing is if if we take away some privilege, because people are going to use that privilege in a wrong way, then perhaps more than the children, the adults need to be need to be deprived of their privilege? Because the amount of marital breakdowns that happened because of this is unreal. So do we prevent that even the errors using it? I don't have the answers. I'm just throwing out the challenges and throwing out the question is there is an argument to be made for informed responsibility is an argument to be made for informed responsibility that

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there is a place for it, if you behave responsibly, can it ever be done? Is it possible to to to police a situation 24 hours a day when you don't have control and many times it is used when you don't have authority or control over when our children are using it? Again, one of the challenges that we are facing today, peer pressure is another thing never underestimate with regard we didn't many times you and I we feel that peer pressure is only it's only got to do with young children or teenage children.

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Peer pressure is there even for mature adults.

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And I give you the example. When Abu Talib was on his deathbed and Muslim came to me and said Oh, my uncle say one time the kalama in my ear say one time there kalama Well, I'll ask him I will intercede for you on the day of gamma did my uncle read the Columbine my ears one time? He I will tend to sit with you on the day of Tiamat I will say that manga read the Calamine what Abu Talib say what derecho Talib said. He said oh my nephew I want to read. But what was the people of Makkah say? What are the people of Makkah say they will say Abu Talib for the fear of his nephews Jan, for fear of his nephews janam if he stayed away, and he went away from the religion of his forefathers,

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peer pressure with regard to our children with a mature adult like Abu Talib, who was regarded to be the one who protected Nevis, Aslam. And peer pressure is more is more likely and isn't only from friends, it comes from a whole, it comes from an environment where certain things become the norm. And for that it's not only the smaller the child's friends who are, who are responsible, it is an entire community that is responsible.

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Then tire community is responsible for making materials and for example, the be all and end all of our existence is not only children who have done that. So I think it's something that we got to keep in mind is this. And many times, you know why peer pressure becomes more effective when people have low status, low self esteem. Our children don't like to stand out like a sore thumb amongst their own friends. So these are type of things, you know, some of the challenges also in terms of challenges, and therefore, I will just very, very briefly go into some of the solutions. One of the things is the digital

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era of access to immortality today

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is something that mere lateral or forward and lateral protectors, Aloma Jin Jin libnah will add in a minute, he will fit in Masami, now Mr. Burton, Allah protect our ourselves and our children from the fitna and from the immunity that abounds in today's time. We shouldn't only making mention with regard to what's wrong even with regard to errors, it is become so widespread, and it has become such a thing that may Allah protect us how do we protect the morals of our children, when it has become the norm? And again, I'm not saying it's right, but it's become the norm. It has become something that people don't even regard as evil when there is communication between people when they

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are not supposed to be communication between them. These are some of the challenges that we need to face, lack of

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Respect. They don't have the respect they don't have, you know, respect of elders respect of the deen of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And you know, he who does not have respect? Really How can he really go forward doesn't have respect of elders is another respect of the the moral bankruptcy. And also another very important point is a confusing identity. So many of our children today, they have this confusing item, they are not children, they are not adults.

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society doesn't regard them as children, we do not want to confer upon them the responsibility of being adults. And they have this confusing identity, which seems to pave the way for them to, you know, enjoy themselves, it seems to give them the the license, I'm not a child, but you're not an adult. So this actually, this time in between is for me to enjoy myself, too. So my wild oats everywhere, it's a wrong concept is a confusing identity. It has got nothing to do with Islamic teachings and values. These are some of the challenges in terms of the solution. Mama has made mentioned very, very beautifully the whole Millennium colleagues before but it is very briefly go

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through some of the aspects. As I said, these challenges is put forward to you. May Allah tala give us a topic of really coming out of these challenges in the finding correct answers out of these situations, many things I've made mention of challenges without giving a concrete solution to it. But I think many many, many parents who are, you know, have children of teenage who are parents of teenage children will identify what some of these problems that I've made mentioned. I think the first thing is, we have to worry about our spirituality of our children. The first thing we have to worry about the man who won't give many examples because our liberal colleagues have made mentioned

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but there's one very beautiful, very beautiful example. You know that the incident of use of police that was Salam is quite remarkable the way it is made mentioned in the Quran, very many lessons. And at towards the end of the story, when the Jacobo a salatu wa sallam told unto his companions, I can you know, in Neela jidori Hi Yosef.

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I can smell and I can smell the fragrance of use of Elisa wasallam. And they said what are you talking 40 years ago he has lost the light in the color fever radical Kadeem, you are led astray You are so immersed in the love of use of that you can see reality. Where is he going to come back after so long? And eventually when Yoda the eldest son came back and said that no Yusuf alayhi salatu was Salam is alive. Yusuf alayhi salatu was Salam is alive. So the father as adaptable Islam said, How is he? How is my son?

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So he would have said he is the king of Egypt.

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He is the most influential person in Egypt. He came from Egypt, let us make dua for brothers in Egypt also today inshallah Allah Allah grant him steadfastness and Allah Mayfair for them also, inshallah said he's the king and the most influential person in Egypt. So jacobellis that was from said, I'm not asking you about his worldly prosperity. I'm asking you how is easy man?

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How is easy man, easy upon the right path, easy upon the path of Allah.

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And these were the same as jacobellis rat wasallam when he died on quantum shuhada Jacobo mode is apparently when he Mata Unum embody Serato Sam was on his deathbed he called all his children, and among the children was Yusuf Alayhi. salat wa salam amongst his children were great people. I mean, nebby and he said Mata Abu Nam embody Who are you going to worship after me? Who are you going to worship after me?

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So this tells you despite the fact that they came from such a, such a great family, what was his concern the man and the spirituality of his children. The second thing again, namajunas, that made mentioned

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about being approachable friend, really, we must strive towards

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the parent becoming the first port of call for our children, no matter what they have done. Instead of them going anywhere, even if they are in problems, they must be able to come to the father or the mother to discuss the problems. It would be a sad day when they have to go to someone else to discuss the problems. You are opening up the doors for many great amount of difficulties, if that is a situation. And where do we learn this from? We learn this from Apple ambia not only our father, the father of the mBiA, Masato Salim Ibrahim alayhi salatu salam when he told his mother Lisa was about to come to comply with the commands of Allah Subhana.

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Allah says in the Holy Quran, Allah Marbella. mahasaya Kala yagoona in de la fille mana, Annie as backofen surah mother Tara, all my son I have seen in a dream that I am slaughtering you.

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Give me Give me

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Your opinion? And he's finally said was Trump said yeah, but if al Motta Omar Oh my father do is we have been commanded to do our own ama tell us, it was not that he had doubt about complying with the commands of Allah, he wanted to test if his son is also likewise, in a similar manner prepared to comply with the commands of Allah and submit to the commander of Allah. But there was a form of communication, ie there was no form of communication, would you have been able to make such a communication? Would you have been able to ask such a question? So we need to have that type of communication, many of our Lama who have come to our shores, as far

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as a Muslim, la la, they used to tell knowing our situation and environment, they used to tell us, one of them, you should say, treat your child, your teenage child, like how elder brother treats his love his younger brother, and one of them said, befriend your children. If they become the Friends of children, how are we going to do it without compromising upon respect, it is something that that we need to be doing. And we need to we need to be finding the way but of course, an important thing to prevent our children has a loophole, a slot was slums advice, mentioned has been made. But there is a book that I read, which was given to me by a colleague and said, you know, before look,

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Monterey, Surat wasallam, advise his son, his son had taken a wrong path. And because of the constant advice of Luke monnalisa, to Assam, some of it made mentioned in the Quran, some of it made mentioned in beautiful books, he became upon the right path. So we have this example that consistently talk to your child speak to him continuously talking. And of course, multisurface made mentioned was a key refrain as a cross and our momineen continuously remind our children because reminder is beneficial. I think another important aspect is role become a role model. Our children, despite the fact that they've got all these type of situations, they want to be inspired. And they

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mostly that they will be inspired would be by the parents. There was a survey that was conducted by the Times magazine of high school children in America, who would you like to see as your role model? In a society like that 81% of the people responded by saying, We want our parents to be our role model. 81% said, We want our parents to be our own model. And don't, you know, children got a unique capacity with regard to seeing double standards. So one day a child has a mother, when she saw some white strains of hair appearing upon the mother's hair, why is your hair becoming white? So the mother fell? Is that a nice time to give a lesson he said, You're giving me so much the cliff, you

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gave me so much problems in your discipline, that my hair is starting to become white. So the child said if there is a situation Why is nannies hair, so white.

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So we got to be very careful children, they pick up things very, very quickly. So I think that is a situation that we have to be role models, we have to be you know, some form of discipline, how we find that discipline, we have to you have to find some form of discipline, it is actually frightening for any young child to live without limits, you have to have some form of limits are not saying that in his limits, you must you must beat up your child. Now, I'm not saying that at all, in fact, has had we will know and many of us who are who are middle age, we middle aged parents, we are at a disadvantage, very big disadvantage. When we were small, we listen to our parents. Now when we

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grow old, we listen to our children. So we are big, we are very, very obedient people, you know, this middle aged parents, we are very, very obedient. But this is a reality with regard to it. That How do you find that discipline, but we have to find that discipline. I'm not saying you must beat up. In many of hours, I was talking about the middle aged parents, we know that we grew up where there was a lot of spanking, there was a lot of corporal punishment, both from parents and from from stats, whether it was beneficial or not is a moot point. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna give a judgment with regard to it. Many people say that they came out better out of the whole experience. Many

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people say that no, they had a very negative influence. Many people feel that they it was, you know, Dean was taught to them in such a manner that they never really developed the true love of the I'm not saying right or wrong. I'm just saying some of the examples that are given. But keep one thing in mind.

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When we think that and we when we admire and we believe that maybe sauce lamb is the most excellent example. And keep in mind that nebia cream salsa never, ever beat any of his children or any of his wives or any of his slaves. And if that is the example that we aspire to, we must must aspire to the example that is at the center of Nivea cream sauce. No, I'm not saying that that you know, in all cases, it is a situation but we have to have some form of discipline. It is frightening for a child to grow up without limits. How are you going to find that limits? We have to find the way always keep in mind. You have to say no to many things to be able to say yes to some things. If you don't

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say no to certain things, you will never be able to gain the benefit of saying yes an example I gave which Allah give us

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It's so beautiful that until the child does not say no to the breast milk, it will never ever be able to say yes to all the delicacies is going to eat for the rest of his life.

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And when it is been weaned it's very difficult when the child has been weaned from the breastbone, how difficult it is, sometimes the peasant mothers resort to putting butter butter medicine, sometimes they resort to putting the child protecting them by the grandmother, or by the by the sisters place to wean the child but they do it. Although the child is crying, knowing that until they don't say no to that breast milk, they will not be able to say yes to all the delicacies, the biryani and the prawn curry and curry Moscow. All the other good things that they are going to speak about afterwards. You have to say no to be able to say yes you have to say no to haram relationship

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to say yes to Hallo relationship. You have to say no to interest to say hello to halaal risk. You have to say haram you have to say no to haram meat and around food to be able to say yes to halal food even sent her prothesis Yes. So we have to say no to be able to say yes. Until you don't say no, you will not be able to say yes and that is something that we need to bring in. And of course, there are many things that we need to stay away from just very briefly stay away from four things amongst many other things. Competition, comparison, contempt and consumerism. Stay away from these four things with regard to children competition, we putting undue pressure upon our children, what

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we need to emphasize upon them, they must do their best, don't have to compete with anyone. If they have done the best they have done well. If they have not done best, the best. Yes, then by all means repeat them. You don't have to compete with anyone. Stay away from competition comparison is a way of criticism breeds resentment. Don't treat your children contemptuously and skip away from consumerism brothers, we need to come away from this culture, that until you don't have consumer items, you are not successful, let us get away from these particular type of things. It is very harmful for our children. So these four things that I stay away from In conclusion, let me make

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mention of two things. I know it's a difficult situation for parents all the time, we are faced with many many challenges.

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And we should be anxious. Although I would like to sometimes feel

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that I hope we can maybe perhaps take this example of a child who stands on the shore of abroad in a great mess of water and he throws the stone into the water it causes a great amount of ripple

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and after the ripples ripples subsides and the water becomes calm again.

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I wonder sometimes if we can have these situations that yes there is going to be ripples in our children's life.

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But sometimes when we allow them to become independent, we give them the guidance inshallah inshallah. And make a lot of democracy three people's was accepted by law, one of them is a parent's door for the children. Don't underestimate the door. The parents do offer the challenge accepted. So maybe in this example, maybe if they will be repulsed, but maybe after the repose inshallah, the water will become come. inshallah, using this example we make do other inshallah with children also will come out of it, ripples will come out of that anxiety will come out of the difficulties that they are facing, as they grow up, and they strive to face and they strive to find a new identity for

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themselves. In conclusion, the idea you're Latina, hamanako, enforcer, kumala coonara Oh, you who believe save yourself and your family members from the pyogenic we know that we know that translation, but we have we ever sometimes given thought to what Allah is telling us in the site. To give you a graphic illustration, just say for example, you are coming home one day, you are coming home and these are normal traffic, you coming near your place of residence, and all of a sudden you realize that the entire street is blocked to entire street and the whole area where you stay and you stay in reside is blocked. These police's these fire brigades, you see that there is a fire in one

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of the homes. May Allah protect it ever happens to anyone but I'm just giving an example. And then when you come near my cinemas with someone else's home, or as you come near you realize no it is your home. It is your home. Now all of a sudden, what you are worried about what happened to my wife What happened to my children, obviously a natural concern. You go through the police besides my house, they allow you to go through you break through the cordon and you come near your house. You see your wife

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and your two children

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who are safe, one side of the street and reptile May Allah forbid, one of the children is waving to you from the inside the house.

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who my father saved me.

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What will you do at that stage? Will you be philosophical

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You are gonna die one day.

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I can't help it. You know, I got to still look after your mother. I will look after your two other brothers and sisters. I can't risk my life. What can a father do at the time?

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He'll throw caution to the wind.

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He will do whatever he needs to do

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to save his child.

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When you realize that example, now look at the diet. Yeah, you will know the Ramapo

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Valley coonara who you will believe save yourself and save your family members from the fire of janome. We've got to take steps to protect us and protect our children from the fire of janam vasudevan