Parent Abuse and the Consequences of Migrating to the West
Channel: Bilal Philips
File Size: 33.40MB
In Islam, respect for parents is of tremendous importance, so much so that Allah made it the next requirement after tawheed (worshiping Allah in His oneness). Why is that? Listen to this lecture to find out the importance of this beautiful command and how you can fulfill it inshaAllah.
nothing but but it's the beginning of Bismillah is for takua be wearing and third is for
Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah
we all know
in Islam, that respect for parents is something so great
a law made it the next requirement
worshiping a law and his oneness, immediately after that we see throughout the Quran, Allah speaking about
good treatment of parents.
We all know the verse
taboo in Yeah, what did Wiley Dini
after worshipping Allah, the next most important thing is
good treatment of parents. Why is that?
When we worship Allah,
we are in fact,
showing gratitude towards him.
We are recognizing Him as our Creator, who brought us into this world, and who has given us everything that we have.
So, we show gratitude to him by worshipping Him.
And that is our link with the Creator. That is the first thing that a law asks of us in our daily prayers, that we repeat 17 times a day.
the very beginning words of our daily prayers Alhamdulillah, showing gratitude to Allah. This is the essence of worship of Allah.
When that relationship
with a law is broken,
when people are not grateful to Allah, they become ungrateful.
This society begins to crumble from inside, externally, the society may seem to be okay. But internally, it is dying,
because that link with a law is broken.
So that is our first requirement
from Allah Subhana, Allah is that we worship Him alone.
In this world,
our link with it comes through our parents.
They're the ones who brought us into this world.
They're the ones who raised us, looked after us when we couldn't look after ourselves.
So, our connection with our parents,
like our connection with a law should also be one of gratitude
that we are thankful to them for what they did for us.
And this is our connection, our first connection with this world.
When that relationship of gratitude to parents is destroyed, then the external aspects of the civilization or the country or the community is destroyed.
And this is why a lot put these two together.
Worship Allah, that is our spiritual connection.
kindness to parents, that is our material connection. These two have to be
in place. Otherwise, the society is finished.
So it is not surprising to find
in the scriptures of the Christians and the Jews, those who came before
who received the message of Islam,
from prophets EISA, of Jesus, and Prophet Moses.
We find in those scriptures, the same statement
of worshiping a law and being good to parents.
In the Old Testament of the Bible,
in the chapter known as Exodus 20,
verses two to 14, we find there the first four commandments
given to Moses, commanding God commanding people, to worship Him alone.
And the fifth commandment is
to honor one's parents, same thing, what is in the plan, you find there also in the scriptures of the Christians and the Jews, they have the same teachings in this regard.
today, in the West,
whether it is America or Britain, Canada, Australia, in Europe, in western countries today, both of these two fundamental principles have been lost.
has declared itself the killer,
secular democratic, this is the two terms that they use.
secular means that God should not be included in government,
health or any
of the aspects of societal government. God should be removed things about God should be removed from it.
It is just what is important is human beings and what they need.
And at the same time,
and maltreatment of parents wide spread throughout that society.
What we hear about
the media in the West,
most commonly when they're talking about problems of the family is what is referred to as child abuse, abuse of children
in various ways. And according to Western statistics,
one in every 12 children in the West,
abused in different ways.
abused, meaning they're treated in an in an a very bad manner, either physically or psychologically,
they are harmed.
So they speak often about child abuse. And of course, it is something which is spreading, spreading in western civilization, child pornography, on the internet, you know, people you hear about getting arrested big figures in government arrested for abusing children in one form or another. This is something increasing one in every 12. That's the figures.
However, the statistics show that
one out of every five parents are abused by their children.
And in the US, one in every three parents are abused by their children
Though they make so much issue about child abuse, there is a bigger problem. a much bigger problem one in every three parents in the US are abused by their own children.
And by abuse, they define it the scholar, their scholars defined it
as any act of a child
which is used intending physical, psychological, financial damage, to gain control over a parent.
Either they physically beat punch hit whatever their parents or psychologically because the parent is all they forced them to do things that
they shouldn't. And the parents rights are taken away, or financially they take their money, take their wealth from them.
unfairly cheating them
and controlling them, forcing them to do things that they shouldn't be asked or forced to do.
Check it out.
when Western scholars looked at the reasons, the reasons which have led to this situation of parent abuse, abuse of parents by their children,
they found that there are four main reasons. This is Western scholars, scientists looking into this problem, social scientists.
There are four main problems. The first problem, they said, is a problem of attachment. Attachment, meaning that
children are not attached to their parents. They don't feel that closeness, a bond between themselves and the parents.
When they don't have that, then the chances of abusing one's parents is great.
The chance of abusing parents is great.
Right, are you
Where does this problem come from?
Why would children not be bonded and close and feel love for their parents? Why would that? What would cause that? Well,
one of the big factors
are not being raised by their parents,
mothers who should be raising the children from the time that they're born.
Instead, they are out working and doing other things. And they put their children in nurseries for other people to raise the children. So the bond which should develop by between a child and its mother and father growing up feeling that closeness with the mother especially that bond is broken.
And because of that, then the child doesn't feel that much of attachment and love for their parents.
So then it is not surprising later in life, they can abuse their parents because that love wasn't really there.
Many documentaries have been done in mercy nurseries, kindergartens, where small children are being raised by others caregivers, replacing their parents. And they have shown these caregivers abusing these children
because they are not their own children.
Some of them will feel love and they will look after them, but many of them it is just the job they are paid to look after the children. So they do it for the money.
So, when they have situations which are uncomfortable,
for example, they have 10 babies, and they have to change the diapers clean up the children and all 10 of them.
mess in there clothes, in their bumpers, whatever, they have to change all they become very angry. Too much work.
So maybe they might hit the child
or scream at the child or whatever.
So they have shown they've put cameras in nurseries and they've caught these caregivers abusing the children.
So if you have children growing up, without bonding with their parents abused in these nurseries, what do you expect them to be like when they grow up?
How will they treat their own parents? It's not surprising.
And this, okay.
But this is presented.
That situation where the mother goes out to work, father and mother are working. And children are raised in nurseries. This is presented as something advanced and progressive.
As they say half of the workforce
is lost when the woman stays at home. Oh Islam teaches that the woman should stay at home and raise that child. Don't put the child in a nursery raise the child yourself. But they say no this is backward thinking
this is backward thinking half of the workforce is not being utilized. This is what they said this their idea but the consequence
of them doing that is this huge
statistics of parent abuse This is the consequence. So it is not a good thing.
It is not a good thing. And we have to be aware of in our society here and our Muslim society here that this doesn't become a norm.
The generation that is coming up who are being exposed to these Western ideas,
you will find
parents both are out working and they finding others to look after their children.
dangerous. It is a big evil in Western society and Western civilization.
And what you find in the West today?
Because that love and that bonding with the parents, the mother and the father is broken, then those feelings of love. If it's not there for the mother and the father, how is it going to be for the neighbors and anybody else, it means even less, they will not care or love them. So, what we find in the last 50 years in the West in America today, in the last 50 years, increasing numbers of cases where children are 10 years old, 15 years old, in schools, taking guns and killing their classmates, shooting their teachers, stopping the principals every year. If you follow the news in the West, you hear more and more cases every year in the West. Why? What would make a child come by a machine gun,
the crushing carbon come and kill his classmates and kill his teacher killed this. This is crazy. Where is that coming from? It's coming from
abuse of children.
By putting them in nurseries and not raising them themselves, this is the root This is an evil
The other major
reason that the scientists spoke about was
a result of parents not disciplining their children.
them not giving them proper discipline,
discipline which is not abuse, but discipline which a child needs to learn, to follow orders to respect authority that
is lost in that society, because
they remove the concept of religion, God from education
some of their leading thinkers like Freud,
and Dr. Benjamin Spock, when they analyze how children should be raised.
They didn't follow divine guidance. Instead, they looked at human beings, like animals. So they studied monkeys, gorillas, other animals, and saw how they interacted with their children. And then they propose that we should interact with our children in the same way.
Because they're following the natural order. Right?
So they say we should follow in a similar way, the way the animals are, we should, because we're just animals. In the end, we're only animals. There's no God. We're just animals a result of evolution. We are higher evolved animals than the others. That's all.
So what they concluded was that when we raise children, we should never hit them. I say, hitting children
They shouldn't be allowed to make their own decisions. We should treat them like grown ups.
Just little grown ups. That's how we should treat just reason etc. No hitting. So no.
Discipline can be established through hitting.
And today in America and Canada, UK, if you hit your child, and the authorities find out about it, they will take your child away from you and put you in jail.
That is reality.
So children, knowing this because of course the word spread all the kids know this. Whenever parents try to force them they will threaten the parents. If you hit me, I will call 911 and you're in big trouble.
Also, they develop this idea that as soon as the child matures,
they should leave the home.
They will look at the birds.
When a bird has in its nest an egg, the egg breaks. The bird, baby bird cannot fly. The mother and the father bird they go and they bring food back and they feed the child as soon as the
bird gets the wings developed with feathers, then it starts to fly, it's kicked out, time to go, you're on your own.
That's what happens in the birds. So that's a same thing. human being. So you find that in America today in the West, in general, when a child reaches 15, or 16, he is expected to go out on his own take care of himself.
So he has to go out and try and find work and continue his studies. However, whatever he's on his own.
Many cases, not all cases, but in many cases, they're encouraged to leave, don't stay at home, go there on your own. So even the bond with your family is broken very early.
So this has a direct consequence in the abuse of parents later on in life.
So when these children grow up,
they're married, etc.
and their parents get old.
And their parents are in need of
and good treatment by their children. Their children don't want to have anything to do with them.
They have created their, what they called old people's homes. So instead of taking care of care of your children, your parents, you just put them in one of these homes, they call them retirement homes out of the names for them, they put them in these homes, and other people are paid to take care of them.
Instead of them looking after their picture their parents, other people are paid to take care of their parents, just as the parents were paying others to take care of the children. So I just come back.
So, of course, in these old people's homes, people who are paid to take care of them, will they take care of them like a child would take care of his own parent or her own parent? No, they will abuse them.
So there are many cases also documentary showing in all people's homes, parents being abused by these caregivers and
professional nurses, etc. abusing these old people who are like children in their hands. They're too old now that they can push, they can kick they can beat all these things are being done to them in these homes.
So parents abuse, elderly abuse, this is a product of
parents in the beginning, not disciplining their children, building the bond etc. So in the end, the parents suffer
why did I talk about this?
This is not in your society here. Maybe some of these things are starting to appear. But in general it is not here. Why did I talk about this? Because
there are so many among you now,
who dream of living in the West.
This is the greatest thing you feel that can happen to you if I got a visa to go to Canada or America or UK our
people just talk about it.
And they dream about it.
They ask Allah they pray to Allah give me a chance of Allah give me a chance.
Not realizing that they are not going rarely to a better life.
Yes, technologically, it is better.
The masjids have air conditioning.
The electricity never cuts.
so many physical benefits that are there.
But what's happening in this society is something else.
was the Imam of Abu huraira Masjid in Toronto. For six months.
I will wear a Masjid most of the people who run it are from where? Hargeisa from Somaliland.
And as a mom,
people came to me with their problems. Parents coming with their problems, children coming complaining about parents.
And these things that we spoke about are now being experienced by
Muslims who here were fine when they got there. Everything has changed.
So there were so many cases of parents coming to me, bringing their children to me, asking me to help them to guide these children to make them respectful, make them practicing Muslims, etc. So many
having so many problems.
Children who are growing up in that school system there, which was secular, we talked about that.
No religion in it, where all religions are the same. So these children are questioning
is Islam really any better than Hinduism?
Or Christianity? Because that's what they're being taught.
All religions are, okay you can be and follow and worship anywhere you want. They're all equal.
And you should respect everybody in their religion.
That's what they're taught. So
they grew up and they start to question this. They are taught, now, homosexuality is okay.
They are taught it now in Canada.
They have a
a bill, a ruling in Parliament, that is called Bill 13. And Bill 13. It makes it
legal for them to teach homosexuality in kindergarten,
to teach that to children
from kindergarten, homosexuality. So I met
children, young people from Somaliland, they're in Toronto, who had become homosexuals.
Huge shame in the family.
Because they were influenced that environment
met girls who had become prostitutes,
who had converted to Christianity,
who curse their parents,
abused their parents, I saw it something which you would not see here, it was there just like the others like the non Muslims, because
you will be like those who you live amongst.
So, this is an evil consequence, I saw many cases of this evil consequence of life there.
There may be material advance and of material advantages. But spiritually,
socially, it is corruption.
So I would never advise anybody who says to Me, I want to make hedra to Canada.
I would never advise them to do so.
It isn't his route.
It is destruction.
It is spiritual suicide.
for yourself and for your children.
So my advice is to work together here. And to develop this society it will take time.
But it is far better to live here
families, which love each other children that respect their parents, parents that look after their children, this is far better,
you will be more at peace, your heart will feel address, then to go there and have families destroyed.
In the West, they encourage
Muslim families who have migrated to
Canada, Mark etc. They encourage the women to divorce their husbands. So you have many women
who are looking and raising the children by themselves. They're not capable of doing it. The husband needs to be there.
But in many cases, those husbands they went there unqualified, they had no skills no means to look after themselves. So they become what they call their deadbeat dads. They go to the restaurant, they drink shy, and the women are out working. And the children are being raised in these nurseries and it is a mess.
It is a mess.
it is better to work together and bring this society up. As more knowledge and technology is coming the society is improving. With every five years 10 years things are getting better and better.
What you have there here is far more valuable than what you think is there.
Because the harm which comes from it from being there is far greater than the benefits that you think you can get from there.
So I advise you to work together here. This is where the oma is strong.
men and women and children know their responsibilities, their relationships, and they work together
peaceful, secure, loving environment.
So in sha Allah, this was the message that I wanted to share with you this evening.
I hope that that message is clear. you've understood what I have tried to share with you
And that you value
what you have.
Because it is the nature of human being,
to always think that what others have is better than what we have.
There is a saying that I heard
in West Africa I was in Gambia, for a few months before I came here. And the way they express it there, they say, the white man's ice is always colder than ours.
That's how they express that same idea, that what they have, we think it is better. But in reality, it is not
what we have, they are missing.
Because the essence of this life is about a moral relationship in society. This is what Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam taught us. When he said in the mob, a student will tell me Mama karma,
that he summarized Islam as good character, good relationships between people, parents, and children, children, other children, parents, and other parents, all of this, this is the essence of a good society. And this is all based on belief in Allah and worshiping Him. Because there's a lot said, Allah decree law he taught me
it is only with the remembrance of Allah that we will find contentment and rest. Otherwise, if we are looking for it in the dunya, we will never find it, we will run from here and there, they're up and down and all over and we will never get it.
morning in advance if you want to sign
And in the very beginning of this presentation, when I spoke about worship of Allah, we said that
the foundation of it is gratitude to Allah.
So this is what we need to focus on in our lives,
accepting a lot of other
in terms of the dunya
accepting it, and seeing the good that Allah has given us, in spite of the fact that we don't have certain advantages in the dunya of technology etc.
We have a greater good and we have to be thankful for it.
And it was from the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
that whenever something good happened in his life, something good happened in that day. A good event took place. The first
thing that he used to do is to fall down into sujood.
This sujood in Sharia, and fifth is called sujood. a shocker.
Whether you have to do or you don't have to do a woman on her menses, you don't know where the Qibla is, you just fall down into sujood
you make such that and the profits are seldom used to do it regularly. This is known as salaamu akkada that the province also did regularly. But now if I were to ask you
in this past week,
how many people among you did sujood a shocker, put your hand up?
What does that mean?
What does that mean?
We are in
the main Masjid of Hara Giza, all Muslims, this is a 100% Muslim society nobody making so Judas Shakur
well I insha Khartoum, la z then the comb you all know this one.
Well, I in California tune
in either be lasha did
this coup for that the law speaks about?
What is that Cooper? It is
Isn't it that is what he's saying. If you are thankful, I will increase.
And if you are not thankful, I will punish you.
But instead of saying if you're not thankful, he said if you disbelieve because in gratitude
is so evil. Our law calls it this belief.
So we have to revive this sooner
From today onwards,
because I'm sure if you if I asked you did something really good happened to you today or yesterday? or the day before? I'm sure you can say yes.
But we didn't make su Judah shocker. We need to bring it back into our life. teach it to our children.
If it is a part of our society, regular society, then that's a foundation for gratitude.
And we will be able to better accept other, be patient with difficulty and inshallah Allah blessing will be upon us.
barakallahu li comb, I asked the last one to Allah to bless the community,
security, to give it
love and strong family relations and to grow together
and to be examples of Islam to the rest of the oma to the rest of the world.
Allah has blessed you with so many things.
I asked Allah to make us all grateful for those blessings shala so that he can increase what he has given us. barakallahu li walakum wa rahmatullah wa barakato