Channel: Yahya Ibrahim
Is jealousy Unhealthy? What parts of jealousy are acceptable & which parts are sinful?
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Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu we're continuing once again with our love notes, q&a from my latest love notes class that I held here in Perth. For a Muslim Institute. The question is jealousy healthy? If so what is acceptable and what is too far?
The law? It's a tough question that.
jealousy is a natural emotion. Animals are jealous, all animals, they have some form of jealousy and covetousness and in one shape way or another. And this is something that was described by the prophets I send them for some of the best of human beings who lived amongst him. So in the hadith of Chateau de la, la Muslim, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, there's a narration similar to it in Bahati, the prophets I send him.
He said to Arusha One day, he narrates he woke up in the middle of the night, put on his clothes. If tether theorbo Toma Hodge, and he left the house with me with me. He didn't tell me where he's going. He didn't tell me earlier when he got up. He didn't wake me up to tell me I'm leaving. And I thought, you know, being a loving wife, she was jealous. Where's the Prophet going? So I said to him, who's he going to see? Is it another one of his wife's always said, she says, so I got agitated. I got really upset, really angry. And part of the narration, you know, mentions that she threw things about you know, when she was angry, she tossed a couple of things around for Lima or
Raja or Mr. Elsner. It just says when he returned, he saw what I had done to the place
for Kyler Lee, what the heck He smiled at me laughter you know any and he said to me, yeah, sure, Maliki I will call the Realty. I said, What's wrong with you? Are you jealous? According to Kay fella, yada, yada Milica rasulillah and I said O Messenger of Allah, how can someone as simple as me I'm just you know, I shadow the Allah and the mother of the believers. You know who she is? How can someone as simple as me in her words, not be jealous over someone like you? You're having that Salalah hottie was seldom further I can never be sighs LMR called our Jackie shaitana you should initiate on come and overcome you.
Did you cheat on you know, cause you to go this far.
For who to our main sheet on she said I said honestly, you volunteer. I have a cheat on like, I have a personal shaitan for Karla Bella. He said yes, you have a shirt on. She said Maggie wouldn't americlean son is it just me or everyone's got one of their own? Takayama couldn't be inside hold to America and Tara so like I said with every human being even O Messenger of Allah even you for Karla Bella Willa kinaba and any Holly have a slimmer further morani elaborate higher? He said yes even I have a sheath on that was assigned to me but when I can but Allah allowed me to overcome him overpower him. SLM. So he submitted or he became a Muslim. It's one of the two interpretations
according to aluminum and knowing either the shape on became a Muslim, or he's admitted he can't say anything negative to the privatized Helen, Phil a moderately elaborate hate, he can only call me to that which is good. Now that's a foundational Hadith regarding the question that you're asking, my dear brother or sister jealousy is is there. So the prophets I send them doesn't initially condemn the jealousy of eyeshadow delana because it's a natural emotion. The second wife in the Arabic language, her name is Barbara, meaning it comes from the word Dada to harm. So that was always the psychology of another woman, you know that I have another my, my husband, you know he has someone
else. And that men she's there to harm me. So that was always there. So even amongst the wives of the prophesizing to the best of the best there was that you know, competition and jealousy. or Miss ella rhodiola rhodiola Anna Sophia interieur de la Hannah Huff's LA, they used to vie for the attention and love of the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So jealousy is is not something that is uncommon. It is a natural emotion. The problem of course, is which is what you've zeroed in on your question, what of jealousy is acceptable? And what of jealousy is condensable? So here you notice a profit is attributed over,
over acting on jealousy as being from the shape one. So it's one thing that you have a tenderness and the love and you have a care and you want more attention, you know, all this kind of thing. It's another thing where you become possessive, where you become domestically violent, where you become controlling where you become inquisitive to a degree that becomes overbearing and overburdening where do you go when you come in how long for who when when, you know, and it just unending and it's exhausting, not just for the person being questioned, but the you know you asking and therefore you know, you can find yourself imprisoned or putting someone in prison who you love or feeling you're
in a prison of overbearing, uncommon love unnatural.
Love by having that that kind of perspective. So I'm going to give you three things that I hope can help you. First is, whatever you ask of someone be prepared to be able to answer similar to it. So if you can't ask your husband that kind of question. And, you know, if he asked me that I wouldn't I'd be upset, then it's not a question really about you asking the same thing. So whatever your whatever you whatever you want to know, you must be able to provide similar kind of information in a similar circumstance. So if you find it awkward that every time you go out somewhere that where you're going, how long you wait, you know, that kind of thing, then don't do the same in return.
Keep that in mind. And if you say I can ask what I'm the man, no, no, that's not how our Deen works. And here you see Asia, what the law questions a prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and she shows her displeasure of the Prophet leaving without asking. And it's as soon as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
that he was a person who looked after the happiness of his family. In fact, the law tells us in the Quran, a chapter revealed in the Quran called to have been the prohibition Yeah, you're never you limit your Hadley moment. Hello, Allahu Allah, on messenger of God, a prophet of God of Allah. Why have you prohibited for you that which is permissible to you in according to the laws of Allah, W Matata was magic. You've done this to win fever of your wife. So there's a prophet of Allah, he made something he enjoyed, which is a certain kind of drink, haram upon himself that he wouldn't touch it wouldn't eat, it wouldn't drink it, because they said it smelled bad. And it wasn't, you know, it
was just, it wasn't a reality. And he said, I'll never drink it again, only because he didn't want his wife to be at discomfort. So think of that, before we make those kind of silly kind of comments, I can ask you don't ask me that. I'm the man I can ask those kind of questions. No, that's not our faith works. The second thing is, so the first principle is, be willing to give what you're asking for. The second thing is, repetition does not necessarily mean you're going to get an answer. So asking over and over and over and over again, becomes an act of hostility. And it becomes and can can become a form of abuse, where you become so repetitive and so incessant, about one particular
thing, that now you've lost any attempt at kindness, and it's only about proving a point, or getting, you know, some kind of justification answer. And that's really one of the places where you get a lot of brothers who turned off from their wives. And they begin to tune out the voice tune out the presence. Now it's not right. But I can tell you it is something that you hear often in my, in my job as a counselor and speaking to people to try to bring them back together. That you know, she's just got to stop. She's just got to see I don't want to I don't want to talk about this right now. We can talk about it, but this isn't the time. Third thing that I can, that I'd like to say is
jealousy is one of those things that can literally sever your relationship in half, it can literally pull you two apart. So if you find yourself prone to jealousy, rather than acting on jealousy, and speaking about it, begin to assess what is correct of it and what isn't. And you will find that jealousy is prone from certain things that we as Muslims are asked to repress suspicion in about love and the most of suspicion, much of it is a sinful thing. So don't be too overly suspicious. It is backbiting about other people, I know where he is, I'm sure he's there and you call your friend up and you know, and then your friend gives you advice that's poor. All of that increases your
jealousy. Number three, the shaitan. So be careful with the shaytaan always make your scout ask a lot to cure. And if your jealousy is prone from West USA, which could be from an obsessive compulsive disorder, it's important to get clinical help and get those things sorted from a clinician, not just from a spiritual remedy. And I hope that's of some benefit to you in sha Allah. May Allah subhanaw taala cure our hearts from jealousy and May Allah give us spouses who don't make us overly jealous for no reason. I will certainly lahoma seldom was a diabetic unless he didn't want to be named Mohammed Salaam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh