Dear Parents Webinar
Channel: Wael Ibrahim
File Size: 19.95MB
All right, here we go. So this is my segment. And this is what I wanted to introduce, actually in an age of a new oxygen, the internet that has captured the attention of our children in a way that has never been experienced in the history of mankind. And I speak from experience seeing my children very attached to their devices. And as I was speaking to Liz earlier, I really took that contract to be a very serious thing, and very, very
beneficial. Because my children now the know the limits and boundaries. Not only that, but when they finish that time they have something else productive to do they have reading to do they have family time to do we have games, we have actually invented our own games. You know, we write silly, stupid questions on sticky notes. And we present as we mix them up, and then we start picking those questions. And then we we present a topic based on that stupid or silly question. Like, why monkeys, for example, why monkey love?
How can you convince a monkey that mango is better than banana, and then it is just speak, just have fun laugh, and you will see that everyone is enjoying the game, because device time is over for kids. So I have really experienced the benefit. But also, if I called my son to bring me water, for example, or something, you know, you know, parents are sometimes lazy. So they will use their children to serve them. So if I ask my son during his device time to bring you water, it will take him some time to get me that water. And he would be looking as he at his laptop as he's playing his game. And he will never pay attention to my call for sometimes for 30 seconds, sometimes for one
minute, sometimes you will forget my son in particular, sometimes you will walk to the refrigerator to the fridge. And he will, he will open it. And then he will pause for a while. And then he will come back to me. And he said, What did you ask me to bring he will even forget because his attention is all on that what I call new oxygen, the internet. So we are we are living in that time. And we have to appreciate that we have reached to that part of the world that no one has experienced because there has been given an opportunity given to you as a parent to deal with it. There has been an opportunity given to you to fix what whatever is being done
as a result of the impact of this powerful tool called the internet. So I want to talk to you about how to,
you know, walk through this challenge and what worked with, for me as a parent, in educating my children around the online world. And I hope I can finish in the remaining time before the break. One of the things that I found to be very powerful to teach our children is actually delayed gratification. Our children wanted to get what they wanted right now with no delay. And of course, thanks to the commercial based ads and pop ups that the try to attract you, and try to tell you that hey, if you don't have these things, you're not good enough, if you don't go so slim. Or if you can't lighten your skin or this and that you are not good enough you cannot fit within what they try
to push down our throats as good as something you know, cool, and so on, so forth. So delayed gratification if you can start teaching your children at a very young age, or even if they have reached to a teenager,
age and a teenager age and you reach out to them before start. Start now. start the conversation I started with my son at a very, very young age. But when I started with him, my daughter was a bit older, and things were a bit difficult to deal with. But we reached to a point now she's 17 we have reached an agreement and things are working absolutely perfect. I teach my children that making money requires time and effort. You cannot just you know say I want money and money will be found. So this is one of the things that you can start the conversation around. You don't have to jump into porn right away. Some people are uncomfortable like how Liz and and Holly mentioned is difficult to
swallow the conversation around pornography it's very difficult and I found it really
I found it difficult myself to see people consider talking about pornography addiction to their children and to warn them I found that to be hard to swallow. Because the pornography porn industry itself and irresponsible media like Game of Thrones and 50 shades of stupid and whatnot. All these things are normalized already.
And if these images
are very, very normalized like sometimes we watch what is called innocent movie Hollywood movie and we're sitting family time and we're eating popcorn and enjoying it all of a sudden you find a naked girl in that what is supposed to be a normal, innocent movie that has got nothing to do with porn, they will have to insert those scenes to make money to sell to bring people in. And and that is very, very dangerous and we need to be ready for that. So if if, if the if the if porn and nudity and all these things are normalized already, why can't we normalize the conversation around this part of education, I found it to be really foolish for people to find it very hard to discuss this
issue. So porn is super prevalent. nudity is pushed down our throat, all these things.
exploitation of girls are normalized. Look at just look at the billboards, I was walking, walking with my wife, I said this to my audience. So many times I was walking with my wife years ago in Hong Kong city. And it's a glamorous city like we call it the City of Light. Wherever you go, there is you know, brightness. And it was rainy night. And we were walking romantic. And all of a sudden, we found those big, massive Billboard with a lady trying to advertise a purse, and she was half naked. Do you think men or young people will care about the purse?
Like we have to, we have to understand that. So teach your children about delayed gratification, even teach them the achievements required effort.
And not everything you need to wait for or not everything that you that you can't have now, you would never have later. It's just a matter of waiting, teaching them to be patient that's that that's actually the definition of waiting patiently is to wait a little bit longer than usual, until you get what you want, there is no problem to get to have sex, but within the proper boundaries and limits which will happen later on. So talking about these things will prepare them for, you know, not to fall prey to these websites. And to these glamorous products. Even relationships require some some waiting, even people in the Muslim community, they reach me and they wanted to get married, for
example, and they say like, What are the signs of a good husband, or a good wife? I'll tell them that this is the religion what what it says that you have to look and investigate for someone with good manners for someone who is you know, or care about, you know, the policies and nothing. So it required time and effort to get into a proper relationship, you cannot have it all of a sudden. So remind your kids of these things that you need to wait for. Even you know, I remember that one parent told me that we have this pizza jar. So the other pizza jar, if you want to eat pizza chip in from your allowance, those small change, just drop a coin. Whatever you you feel like you want to
eat pizza, but you're not going to get it now until we have completed the money that amount for calling the pizza guy to deliver a pizza. Can you imagine this is the money is there the parents have money, it's not about being stingy or, you know, miserly. It's not about that. It's about training the kids that not everything you want. Now you will get and this is how life runs. Right? You need to go through a process. tomography provide you that instant gratification, which does not last, I always collect you know, surveys from my clients become the you know, the join those programs of recovery. And I asked them those questions. They say the hardest part is actually
reaching to a climax. Can you imagine the sit on their computers for hours, they are afraid of that climax orgasm to happen. You know why? Because I thought earlier that people go to these websites to reach to this pleasurable expectation. But it turns out that you know, when they reached the level of addiction, they're afraid of that because orgasm hits them with reality, with guilt, and that that shame in their heart makes it's longer than those few seconds of pleasure. So teach your children that instant food will not make you fall it will make you fall you know instantly but in an hour you feel a little bit hungry. So teach them teach them the things you need to wait some times
in order to achieve ultimate happiness. That pizza jar example really brought a lot of happiness to my heart because I remember my father during our feasts in Egypt. He would walk us through you know those malls and shopping centers buying us new clothes and stuff. And then we will see toys that we haven't had before and we will big our father to buy them for us and He will say no problem after that festival. I'm gonna
By for you, after the festival, so the money is there, the intention is there, but not now. And we would cry and we'd go home sad. But after the festival, my father would never break his promise he will bring those toys to us. And the happen is that we will have after waiting those three days is just, you cannot describe it, you cannot describe it. So we have to teach our children. Yeah, take those pizza jar examples and be creative, be creative.
Another thing also to replace those boredom is to encourage your children to read. And this is something you know if I could move the computer a little bit to show you the massive, you know, library behind me, this is my office. And I told my children that no matter what happened if I died or anything like that, never give away the these books, these books are for you. Make them like you know, the wealth that I'm going to leave behind and give it to your children and advise your children to give to you. I encourage reading a lot my son
during this last holiday, he had a an assignment to read a biography, and then answer questions about it. My son didn't have any problem to go through these assignments, every other child was challenged and the majority I heard of his youth group could not actually fulfill or could not finish that assignment. My son immediately went here and say I want to pick a biography. And as a result, because I always talk about Malcolm X, he picked Malcolm X biography he went through it and he finished his assignments in during the time so encourage them to read. Make them love to read, even if it's comics, let them let them read comics. But be careful because there are some anime and
other filthy stuff. Also the porn industry trying to push to hook our children. So be careful be selective as to what your children should read as well. So take them to bookstores take them to Library's encourage them to read because reading would be a replacement for the internet, if there is no Wi Fi. No problem. That's my motto with my children. If there's no Wi Fi, to go on the internet, no problem. And sometimes I want to do something. Don't tell my children, right? Sometimes I love watching the Premier League and I'm a big fan of Liverpool and I come all the time, sometimes I wake up at two or 3am to watch those matches. And sometimes when the internet goes off, you know,
the provider has a problem and there is no internet, I get a lot of frustration, you know, I become very angry. But sometimes I remember telling my children if no Wi Fi, no problem. So sometimes I swallow my pain, I swallow that annoyance and just go back and sleep. And then I watch the news later on. So the point is to teach your children the internet and and all these devices are not if they are not found if they are not available, it's not the end of the world.
Yeah, reading anime and manga is addiction. Absolutely. And some experts actually read some articles that some experts said that if you read, if you become accustomed to reading pornographic novels and stories of that sort, it is sometimes more dangerous than the visual addiction of pornography, because when you read you start imagining your own self doing all these acts and then the addiction turned into something else. So, though this is very some opinions around this, but the point is be selective even when it comes to reading. One of the things also that perhaps Liz mentioned something like you be on their heads and all that I disagree a little bit, my dear friend, I do not prefer now
also by experience, to to to helicopter our our children, we should be a guide on the side instead of being on the shoulder every one hour. Since we have already set the boundaries and we teach them allow a room of for mistakes are as well. Because those mistakes will lead to opportunities for us as parents to sit and discuss. I did not have that time with my with my own parents. My parents have got no clue what pornography is they didn't know or or God alone knows. What was the you know, the issue back then for them. But they didn't talk to us about pornography. They warned us about internet because internet was barely used during those times. And they didn't know that pornography
exists on the internet when we brought computers in our homes in the 90s they didn't know that they thought that we are just you know having emails playing those.
Those games What's it called?
The billiard and the cards and whatnot. That was that was internet and computers for us at that time. But the point is
Allow the states to happen because from those mistakes they will come to opportunities for us to educate them. And last point I want to I want to highlight before we break is that
allow them to to to have that safe space safe conversation around pornography I talk to my children about porn almost every day almost every day and I teach them and of course I use the appropriate language when it comes to like I don't repeat porn porn porn again and again all the time. There is no point they already know what it is. So I try to use different language because it's act on the brain differently as well. So when you say inappropriate imagery, they know what it is, but the brain will not spark with you know hormones as as it is subpanel as it is when when when porn is mentioned or pornography is mentioned. So I will I will stop just there and I hope that there are
some questions I did in
great super otherwise Thank you guys. At some people were asking about my health I'm I'm doing better. Those who didn't know I suffered from severe slip this in the past three months in April and it really affected my walking ability I can walk now I saw you just like a granny style, which is fun and cool. We make fun about it. I'm now on heavy medication as well to manage the pain. But when I talk about pornography addiction, I feel like I'm super energetic. I feel like it is the best antibiotic the best painkiller for me so don't worry guys, I'm super good. Any question or otherwise I will end the first session and I will leave the recording on so I will not exit we keep the
recording on throughout the day. If you guys wanted to interact with the with the each other if you wanted to, to chat in the in the box about your insights about your What do you think
please by all means, you can remain there teenagers collect books by themselves how to make as I mentioned, there is no such thing as collecting or selecting people, books or media by themselves, you have to be involved, you have to give them that advice, you have to tell them also why this kind of book is not suitable, convince them and then walk on back in the days my father would just stare at me like that. And that was sufficient for me to understand why should not do what whatever is it was there like our understand his eyesight. Now, if you looked at your child, it was telling you what, you know, talk to me. So now they need to be convinced you need to make sense and all that
once it is it made sense to them, they will definitely follow. I was playing uno with my children the other day. You know, during dawn, sometimes, you know in the weekend, we sit on the bed. And then we played that uno card. And then while playing I actually asked my children what do you guys think about that device time policy that we have imposed upon him. And I was so happy that my daughter, the eldest, she's a teenager, she said that it's actually kind of cool, and kind of good, and really beneficial. And I said Really? Is it Don't you think that we are you know, tightening it a little bit on you guys said no, it's it gives us room to do something else. It gives us a word
a space to be creative because my daughter loves love painting and I remember back in the days before those policies she would never paint and and and use and utilize and enhance her skills and enhance her talent to just be on the device. When we minimize the damage by limiting the time then she became more productive and she would you know go on her painting canvas and do and enjoy her her talent. So this is something that we have to be always careful of advise them. Don't be harsh on them. Just conversation that's the age of education and conversation.
What else we have here?
Okay, failed candidate that one will fall on her that um, so there's a question in Arabic. I think we have answered that. I'm not sure if you have understood the answers. Since you have asked in Arabic. So he's asking about how how to start the conversation with children around this subject. So I think Liz have covered that.
Holly have covered part of it as well. And I believe I have spoken a little bit about it. It's just about you know, sitting with them and and making them feel very comfortable around discussing taboo issues, that there is no such thing as taboo and it's super prevalent like porn and they
Get it from there in the beginning they will be uncomfortable, they feel shy and so on. As you progress with the discussion, the discussion itself will become normal. And that's what we wanted to achieve to normalize the education, the conversation about the harms of porn. And as a result, they will find no one but you to reach out when things go wrong. Right I think I'm reaching to the end of my segment and it's 12:29pm at the moment, remember I will leave later my my contact details and also will introduce as I mentioned, the critical alignment model recovery program that had been proven very, very successful in the past one and a half years with our academy. We will share the
link to that I will also talk about my latest book later on but for now I'll leave you to eat lunch pray or anything else you wanted to do. We have one hour Please come back on time. inform other parents around to jump on zoom or find us on aware Academy Facebook page. I'm not logging off from zoom perhaps from the Facebook we will stop these
the live for now. And we'll come back when we come back and go live again on the aware Academy page. Thank you guys stay safe. I hope you are having a fabulous time. We'll see you after the break. Stay safe and stay aware