A Busy Mum’s Spiritual Survival Guide For Ramadan
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Channel: Umm Jamaal ud-Din
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So are you a busy man nervous about how you're going to manage Ramadan? If you answered yes, stick around for your spiritual Survival Guide, salaam Dahlia, and angina. We're just two regular mums of five kids between us. We're not experts at this one thing and we're not here to preach or mom shame you. We're here to learn with you guys share tips, and most importantly, have fun while figuring out motherhood one day at a time Welcome to moms on the run.
Before we start episode, we'd like to take a minute to thank our sponsor Islamic Relief Australia, who provides aid in over 30 countries and is the perfect avenue for Muslims to spend their money for the sake of Allah. Make sure you check out their website Islamic cash relief.com.au Welcome to mums on the run. Today we have the inspirational show in jamala Dean with us as salaam aleikum, lovely to have you with us mildly concerned Mr. applecare. Pleasure to be here with you both pleasure to have you. On amantadine is a mother of five comes from an Anglo Christian family. She converted to Islam in her late teens. While a student at Macquarie University in Sydney. She's fluent in classical
Arabic and spent nearly two decades studying the Quran, including two years in Saudi Arabia. She also studied theology and Islamic jurisprudence. Welcome to moms on the run.
Today, we have a lot of interesting topics to cover inshallah, let's just get right into it. So Ramadan is approaching and most busy mums they complain that you know, they can't get the most out of Ramadan, it gets compromised from the cooking the cleaning the children, I haven't spent time with that away in a long time because I have young children, how can mothers maximize Ramadan?
I think pre planning is very important to start off with Yep. When you know how busy you going to be, you need to really think about things that you can simplify from your routine your mobile, so when I mean that, I mean like if you know you've got going to have appointments in Melbourne or anything like that, try to, you know, either put them before my bomb or after Ramadan, you know, free up your Ramadan as much as possible. That's one thing. If you know you're going to have to, you know, do if bars for people, then I would consider doing I know Mashallah some sisters are so organized, like they do all their, like, pastries and stuff and you know, put away in the freezer,
if
you've got that time in the day, because we're going into winter. And it's going to be sedation so short. And what I think the hardest thing for a lot of women is that feeling of you feel deprived, because you know, you basically as soon as you wake up, kind of get the kids ready for school, we're gonna have school during Ramadan, cheers, yeah, you know, start doing some house chores and some cooking. And the next thing you know, they come back from school, do your homework, and then it's, it's far and you haven't had time to read Quran or anything? Yeah, through the day. And if possible, you know, to try to cut down on the F bars, if that's possible at all, with your family, I really
think it's important that men don't place too many expectations. And if they want to do that, then I think they need to be helping out with that as well. Because otherwise it ends up like women really need to spiritually recharge. Absolutely, if we're not giving them that opportunity. And then we wonder why, like our wives walking around with a, you know, a sour face, basically, because I agree, you know, the men Ramadan was never supposed to be, you know, only for men where, you know, the man just gets to sit there and read Quran and you and pray, tada, we are in peace. A woman is, you know, in the kitchen all day and striped out and
like, it's just as it's equally important for women as it is for men. Absolutely. I just think, you know, we need to have some consideration here. I agree. See those Ramadan, cooking channels on Facebook says, look, sometimes they were really helpful because I would be running out of ideas of what to cook. But then I would just see these softwares of like, meal upon meal and just one one city in Ramadan or one city and if and how much food is getting wasted? How much time is getting wasted? Like every minute of Ramadan is so precious and simple. It wasn't a time of the prophets that
I mean, what were they eating the most simplistic types of foods? Like we're just placing too much expect a lot of people place too many expectations on women they want over like a, you know, a table full of food and yeah, I mean, it's okay for the whole family participates in hooking that food if you don't invite people, but it should never be all one person. Point. I agree. Yeah. So I think that we need to be considerate, you know. So that's, that's one thing sort of I would be also having those kind discussions with my, with my husband as well or if he's wanting to have all these people coming over, to have some discussions as well about how we can, you know, make it a better time for
ourselves as well because we really need that. I mean, we're we're all like this time we're living in is not easy, and we all need to spiritually recharge. If we're not
Getting a normal bond when are we going to get it? Absolutely, completely agree. Yeah just you know those as you were saying those little visits that we have, I mean, we tried to do it like once or twice in Ramadan and that's it like inviting the neighbors would get everyone in the neighbors to come just you know, because after you've got all the dishes to clean it all they've spent cooking and by the time you know you completed or you're just so drained you don't want to you don't want to stand up in prayer so I feel like more of the older generation as well they put more pressure on themselves I feel like the version starting to understand that you don't need to like do there be
that extravagant in terms of like food and stuff? I
want to add something else as well. I think it's very important. I think women also need to change their mindset sometimes in regards to them our bond like Yeah, not every rubber band is going to be the same. Yeah, like, like I handed in I was best with twins. Yeah, at one stage in my life. I shall and you know, I had to basically breastfeed the whole room Oban you know that Ramadan and obviously it's the Ramadan is not the same, you know, you when they're very young, and I wasn't able to fast and, you know, you're lucky if you can get some type of way. Yeah. Right. So I think it's, you know, think about the AR for either for the fund, so we're either a lot bigger photocall like Allah, Allah
in the Quran, he tells us that when you have become free from your, your business, yeah, then focus your whole self into, you know, your worship of Allah and seeking, you know, and seeking Him. So realize in other words, that not every Ramadan is going to be the same, you know, you have some trauma bonds, where it's beautiful spiritual experience, where you're able to just calm down and read Quran and pray totally in peace. And then you can have a bonds where it's going to be like, a kind of like, a struggle type of jihad type of Ramadan, and you don't trying to say and I think, think about the Sahaba, like, they were, some of them are bonds that they were, they were in
battles. So not everyone was just this lovely, relaxing Ramadan where he understands, I think it's important to have, you know, have those realistic expectations about your modern as well. And realize that you're getting rewarded for everything you're doing. Yeah, like if your intention is for Allah, you know, as the scholars have told us, that you can change normal everyday habits into a birder, but it's the intention that changes them. So if your intention is raising your children for the sake of Allah, feeding your children, you know, striving in your house for the sake of Allah, you know, say Bismillah do a lot of Vicar while you're doing it. Yeah. And this is a way of you
realizing that you've got a purpose here, which is very important. Nobody can do what you're doing. You know, and remember that the Indian Allaha ubu Ederle, my scene in Amman never causes the more hasini the reward of them to be lost. So even if you don't get appreciated by anybody else, Allah appreciates Allah sees what you're doing. How much does a woman need to hear that?
Yes, so since we're speaking about children, how do we instill like, you know, nourish that human in our children's hearts? Look, the most important thing from the very beginning we've got to, you know, try to attach their hearts to Allah hota Allah from the beginning. Yeah. Okay. And we want them to feel their hearts with love, you know, unfortunately, we saw, you know, with a lot of the, you know, older generation, they did have a tendency, in you know, they had the best intentions, but they had that tendency to sort of fill the kids hearts with just fear of Allah all the time. Nothing was wrong, you know, and yeah, and so, a lot of people unfortunately have had, you know, they got it
like, you could say, a damaged relationship between them and Allah subhanaw taala. But if you can think of a child, a child comes into the world with a sense of awe or an amazement and if you can tap into that, you know, and show them that Allah is the one who gave you your mother, Allah is the one who gave you your father, you know, it touched their hearts to Allah, you know, attach their hearts to the Quran. Yeah, but when I say attach their hearts to the Quran, it's important to teach the meanings along with the Quran. Yes, you know, we want them to know that at the end of the day, you know, you don't do what you do. to please me as your mom you do it for Allah Subhanallah you
know, don't translate and don't be afraid of me be afraid of Allah. Yes, that's more important than you know, because otherwise they don't self motivate. This is the biggest problem we're seeing. If you haven't bought your cute kids up to self motivate then they're only doing it to please you Yeah, see this is this is we're gonna go back to and so basically you know, just building up that sense of love and tawakkol in Allah Yeah, you know, if you do quit suit at the class, really it's highly recommended to make this the first surah that you teach your your children okay those simple Yeah, yeah, but you need to teach it with the meanings. Yeah. You know on who Allahu Ahad? You say He is
Allah alone, the only one we worship, right? Allah summit, the one whom we depend upon all like, a child feels a great sense of dependence towards the mother and father, but they have to know that ultimately, in this life, you only have a law Yes.
You know, you only have a lot in reality Yeah. Because mum and dad would always be here. I agree but Allah is the one who's always gonna be there for you. You know, so we're gonna try and do that up inshallah and just little things like for example, I really want that toy mommy I really want that game instead of say, Well why asking me Allah redirecting it back to Allah. And yeah as you were saying, unfortunately How many times did you hear people that had broken relationships with Allah because
they were only taught about jahannam the only thought about the punishment but if you don't do this Allah is going to punish you or like I remember like, like we were talking to my friends and I the other day like our friends he still has a job and he didn't make although luckily always like you know
he didn't break and we used to like actually go turn the faucet on and not do all that which is harder or like you know they tell us are your elbows wet? Yes used to wet our elbows which is harder I'm like just go make we'll do like a lie about it because I was like, you know all programs the way you're getting taught program to like, yeah, you have to you have to Did you you didn't like you know that like not trust of like, I'm doing it for Allah sake. They didn't know any better luck, you know, but but there was a generation. Yes. I think another thing too, which is really important. as mothers we're in a very important position to be able to
create positive emotional connections for our children. This is so Paramount, okay, because you think about a kid that's come from a home where they've got all these warm positive connections with, with Allah with the Quran, you know, with Islam, then that child or they when they think back at their child when I think back about their childhood, or they thinking about these warm memories of Islam exactly right. Yeah. So for example, we're talking about even from a very small You know, when you rock them to sleep, some people they're saying lullaby Allah via sila Isla hidden Ilaha la you know suicide a to Kumasi. Let the child associate that warmth of the mother with the eight of
the Quran.
Allah you understand those things make a huge difference to the children. Yeah, like my kids. I told them like whenever like they have a sore throat or like I'm like just rubber and say like you know my with that and say yeah,
and like the other day I walked in I saw that he's just please
say that I'm like, Okay, he's doing
really works.
Tamaki works like you know, lol protect
that. Yeah. So how do we encourage teens to embrace Islamic identity? I know, you know, they're in a lot of awesome teens are in secular schools. And it's difficult for us as mothers to embrace that identity as a Muslim, especially if they're 2020. How do we encourage our teens to do that? Especially that you have a team so you have
now
check them all Europe?
I think we have to realize that
a teens identity it starts from within Yeah, we if you're not seeing the ultimate manifestation of Islam, yeah. Then you need to go back and have a look at what's going on internally. Okay. Right. If you think about the Hadith, the Messenger of Allah sallallahu santella told us right, Allah wa interval Jessa de maga either Sala had Sala had just said to kulu. What either faster that faster that Jessa. Do kulu Allah where he'll call, right? So he tells us that Verily, inside the body, there is a clump of flesh is sound and correct. The rest of the body will be sound and correct. But if there's some type of corruption in it, then the body will be corruption. You know, there'll be
corruption in the body as well. Right? Allah he'll call verily it's the heart. Yeah. Okay. So we need to go back and have a look at what's happened. Maybe there's, you know, there's a lot of things that's going on. Yeah, we sometimes it could be, we have even a relationship in particular with the child. Like, you'll find that, unfortunately, what's happened with a lot of cases that the parents tend to over criticize their children, this is a very common problem that you over criticize, you know, a lot of people sort of like we give all the love when the kids is small. And then as they get older, for some reason, we start to think they don't need that love anymore. They don't need any
cases that it needs many hugs or positive encouragement. Yeah. And then it can start to grow away from us and just feel like there's no I can't live up to your expectations. You know, so sometimes, because they don't feel they can have up to expectations, they actually start to really rebelled against what you want. Because you're trying to say, Well, I want you to be like this. I want you in this mold. This lands. Yeah. But they're saying, Well, no, I kind of upped your expectations I'm taking on this mold.
Right. So you've got to think that you want them ultimately what we need from our children is to be motivated from within. Okay, and that criticism that constant criticism all it does actually is it distracts Yeah, whatever positive was inside. Yeah, and I one thing I have learned the best advice I could give to
Any mother, which I have learned with, from my bring up my children, it's always believing your children, don't ever let that get cut. Because sometimes teachers will over criticize your children and you might feel like they're hopeless and you don't need don't give into that. always believe in have hope in your always hope. I think that's really important. Because if that kid feels you've lost hope in them, you really have no hope of getting them back pick up on it, and then open themselves if my mother doesn't trust my potential to get better is to change them. Yeah, I believe in myself. That's right. So I think that, like, you've got to really step back and realize there's
so much pressure on these teams now. I mean, especially if they're being exposed to social media, like the majority of teens are, okay, especially girls, they're gonna be comparing themselves constantly, Pinterest, maybe don't feel good about their, you know, they don't feel good about their appearance, things like that.
Then there's mental health issues, Islamophobia, like if they, especially if you're in a secular school, like you're still going to be facing a lot of pressures, their friends do able to do all these things, and now their families telling No, you can't do that. There's a lot of pressures, you know, so I think that, you know, what we've got to sort of do, as a community, if we want to, you know, really help our children to be guided is, you know, instead of that judgment, and disappointment that we show to our kids, you know, offer them that support and that safe space. Yeah, they've got to be I feel that you know, that you're there for them, and that you're gonna
listen to them. Yeah, you know, and love them. Yes. Do you understand, despite there might be something that shocks you, you've got to try and hide the shock, and let them be able to tell you things without feeling judgment, as you know, you understand? Because if, if you don't, if you're not listening to them, other people will, exactly, that's the worry. And if we, if they've told us something that's really like, we would probably have a heart attack, I can't believe you did that you react that way. The second time, they'll probably tell you and again, again, and like you were saying they're gonna tell somebody else. And so if you're seeing those changes, you're not really
feeling comfortable with the changes you're seeing, I would say, first step is actually work on your personal relationship with the child. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I mean, you know, in bringing up my kids, you know, not the time, especially the teenage years, they go for a rocky period, you know, not handle any major rocky period and handle and trim down. But, you know, I really believe that if you see any changes, you know, that's, that's a that's a sign for you, you need to start doing some things, quality, spending more quality time with them, like things don't put pressure on them, things that they like to do, like could be just a walk around the block together, you know, that
walk around the block. So you'll be surprised, offloading all these things that are going through in your head? No idea. I remember my dad, he used to take him to drive me places would be in the car. And then because you're driving, yeah, you just sort of start talking without without noticing. Yeah, it would build a relationship. Yep. You know, so I think that's important. But look, role models are very important. One of the things I use Look, a lot of people looking for that perfect friend, like a lot of parents when they you know, they're trying to protect their kids. Yeah, they're looking around for that perfect friend thinking that if I find that perfect friend, yeah.
You know, it's try no perfect friends. struggling, right. So yeah, one trick I did want to share. I looked, for example, for an older, an older sister, she was about like, 18, older, older girl, who was, you know, how can I say she's stable in her Deen. And she's, you know, she's really, she's kind of past TV. She was she actually was just newly married. But she was really settled down. And she has really good example beautiful o'clock and all that. Yeah. And my daughter used to, for example, go to a house and you know, cook with her. It's like a very, like a friendly relationship. Yeah, but just having that older peer, because teenagers look up to.
So that older influence can be really powerful. Oh, absolutely. So use that because you trying to get them to get input from their peers.
That actually I'm just that actually work with my husband because my husband and didn't grow up in a house, there was dean and altar. And so but there was this one brother, he was actually a teenager at the time. But there was this one brother that picked him up fudger in the mornings. And he remembered it would matter feeling he was he remembered how it felt. He goes, it felt beautiful being in the masjid in the morning. And he goes, even after his straightaway, he came back to that role model. He came back to that role more on that feeling and important back on to the end spot on. So it's so powerful. That kind of mentor having a mentor mentor. Yeah. So now you mentioned back the
judging as a mistake, a common mistake that we make. What else do you think parents in our community are making like as a mistake in raising their children yet? So look, I just feel that
in a lot of cases, we sort of taught Islam, what I could call the upside down approach. Yeah, I call it the upside down approach. Because if you think about the way that Islam was revealed, or how they allow reveal Islam, gradually, you know what I mean? It was like, top 13 years of tawheed basically, yeah. And then after that came back em. Okay, so what did that do for the Sahaba imagined?
The first all those early years are just you look at the end of the Quran for example ju sama yeah they primarily all about you know Allah yamapi Yama building up the love the fear of Allah in the hearts yeah you know so building building up that building up that connection to Allah building up you know that yeah and then it's so much once you reach that once that has been has that connection that attachment to Allah it's so easy yeah what you know that's why when those cam came down those the hub erased to implement. Yeah, because their hearts were ready to receive. So what but what we've done with our kids a lot of talking a lot of cases is we sort of like it's hot arm and you
know, an obese. Yeah. But then later on. And there was so many cases like I remember in the past, I used to teach scripture to you know, teenage girls. Yeah. But the biggest thing that would come out of that was, you know, they would tell me how, you know, everything was hot on even things that weren't hard on I guess what I'm trying to say. So everything was just all about how long to them is that why is everything? How many slam? That's a big question I get asked. Yeah. But if you talk about a hadith about, you know, the love of Allah, the forgiveness of Allah, they never heard of this or heard of those. Yeah, absolutely. The big problem like if you know, and then we wonder why
they're not having that attachment.
Problem. Yes. And we would like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, Islamic Relief Australia, who are always striving to help people in crisis and in their time of need. They also empower 1000s of women and children around the globe, and our climate champions who promote sustainable economic and social development in poverty stricken areas, to join the noble cause, make sure you check out their website, www dot Islamic dash relief.com.au. I do find that
like you were saying, even before the ruling of hijab, we had sisters, for example, coming to the Holocaust, and they weren't practicing the they were doing their solid and they would just come week after week and listen about the love of Allah, the character of the prophets of knowledge, etc. And without being told to wear hijab and do their salon. They naturally wanted to do their things. It was it came from a place of love and desire to please and it's so different when it comes from that place. Yeah, same with my classes like I've hamdulillah like all the sisters that come You see, Mashallah their progression over time, the panel, you know, they become internally motivated, and
they just really want to get close to Allah by themselves. Yeah, yeah. That's one thing. And then I think another thing we have to be careful with is making Islam Overstreet. Okay? Because if kids kids are going through a lot of struggles and seeing all these people doing all this stuff, and then if you're making you're not making your lifestyle into an exciting type of lifestyle, freeing enjoyable, Hillel alternatives, yes. You know, then, you know, you understand it goes back to again, childhood memories as well. Yeah. We're not living in a world where like, we can isolate our kids, our kids are seeing things
to be like, you can't, we're not living in a time look as idealistic as it sounds. Yeah. You know, we're not living in a time where you can just say, well, we're not going to watch any movie, we're not gonna watch any TV. Yeah, I agree. It and they need to be able to, you know, so what I would say as an alternative is, you know, see it as a family and make movie nights. Yes. Then and then you can monitor what day you know, you can I agree, filter, yes, filter, like the word is on.
point. The point is that you can, you know, you can control what they seem like, you know, you sit there with the controller in your hand when something bad, you know, turn up quickly or for, you know, change the channel or get a sense. So, you've got to try and look, you've got to try and find another route around. Yes, yeah. You know, you can't expect your kids to sit at home doing nothing you need to you need to be going out as a family and replacing you're saying not like, if you're trying to not let them do these other things like going with their friends to the city or, you know, going with their friends to the movies or whatever you're worried about them doing. You need to be
replacing that alternative. Exactly. You need to go out more as a family, you need to do fun things, taking fun places that they never even think about, you know, if you were fulfilling that they would never think about anything else. So I think that's really key. Yeah, yeah. Now we're on to the segment trial or trial.
For those new two months of the run, In this segment, we share a mommy trial or trial that we've had during the week. Jana, would you like to share? Yes, I have a trial
trial.
Lately, I've been like so drained, like I find my schedule has been like nothing is happening the way I want it to be. I was so I'll set out like you know, the day Yeah, with having to do so many things. I think I have too many things on my to do this here. And I'm finding that by the end of the day, I can't even be bothered to stack up the dishwasher. You're my soul draining Do I really have to get up and then I end up like you're sitting
on my phone, reading articles or whatever wasting time where I should just
back up the dishwasher and go to bed. Because seriously, you breathe, you breathe, I share, like you don't
go go to bed. And then I end up like, you know, just blushing. And I'm really hating it. My husband actually told me like, he's like, history is like, do you realize like, it's like a very, you know, non active after, after 7pm. Like, whatever after, after 8pm. I'm like, just very tired. I pray I share and then I sit by john, I think that's normal as well, because it's like, you're so active during the day, your body just wants to rest. And sometimes you just want to zone out. We'd like yeah, we don't want to be actively doing you know, because your body so I thought, well, you forget, I have a list. And I just keep adding on to that list. And there's a certain time where a woman
needs to clock off for the night. Yeah. So I feel like it's better to go to sleep, then it's, you know, you can always wake up and look at that in the morning. Yes, we are doing that. So
I've taught myself nine years nature, exactly. The kind of willpower, it needs the willpower of like, I actually like it now in the morning, because I woke up very tired because I stayed up late after looking at my phone and reading articles in the news about Coronavirus and all that. And I'm like nothing like, do you know there's a black hole? That's whatever, and I'm reading about that. But why am I reading about the black hole I like to go to sleep. Anyway. So I wake up very tired the next day. So I'm like, I should stop that. So now I put like a reminder on my phone quitting attempted to go to bed, Carvel so hopefully I'll tell you what happens next.
didn't work for me, I did that. And I would still be up at 12 o'clock. And my my alarm would like 1030 a reminder would come with like, I just didn't dismiss it. I need to know that.
I think like, by the time the kids finally go to sleep, you're like, I just want two hours to like, find myself and this sometimes we stretch that too much. Well, first and then we regret in the morning. We're like I wish I just slept I wouldn't be so cranky in the morning. So my my trial trial trial just like me that made sure it's a trial the answer try.
It was specifically things that you were talking about as well. Just finding that balance in giving my children
you know, Islamic environment and trying to adhere towards what Allah wants, in terms of Sharia. But also being realistic in the age that we live in. I have to remind myself, I'm not in the time of the Sahaba or the man who were not as sheltered. If I don't, if they don't watch some cartoons with me, they're gonna see it at my mom's house or it is really hard to navigate. And that movie night ID that you gave was fantastic. Because I know exactly what they're watching. I know how long they're watching it. I don't let them just go on free watch TV, and I'm just doing whatever I want. But it is a battle and I feel like as they get older, it might be a little bit harder because teenagers are
not as I think with kids like we've got like the place in the backyard, they just hang out there but teenagers want you know, more fun entertainment, they want to go out they want to so it takes more more effort from the parents. I think that's going to be my struggling a lot make it easier for us. I think a lot of Muslim moms struggle with that as well.
So do you have a trial or trial I have been blessed with a very active teenage boy
and he's not a robot in class. And beanies that make school that have very high expectations of you know standards of behavior so yeah, not almost not one day goes by where I get a nice call from the school Whoa, you know, wanting to telling me that he hasn't done even body sports clothes. You know, he hasn't done his homework he he's a he
and so after a while you sort of develop like a bit of a stress response to every time you get that phone call from Yeah, well. Yeah, but you see that number? You see that number respond? Yes, called
the mind but it's just like a constant amount of patience. I need to have to get through these years and like I said, just keep on believing in him that inshallah we're gonna get through inshallah. Yes. Testing boundaries. Yeah, yes. That's what I tell myself every time like my children do something out of the ordinary. I'm actually just like, pushing boundaries. Yeah, testing the limits, seeing what, but also the vicious, active people. I mean, not everybody has got that, like,
you know, there are some 100 that are more active than Yeah, some coaches are more active than others. Yeah, I've seen it with other kids I've had that have been reactive like that. And you know, Mashallah they go on and become great people in the
game, but that it's just that some people just find it difficult to see in a school environment. And yeah, some teachers are not very flexible either. So that doesn't help. Yeah, I agree. more flexible teachers. I usually don't have that problem with those one. Yeah, the one year expected not to say one word or they're gonna have trouble. Yes, yes. See, my son had the same. He has the same issue. He's five and he's in his little class. So the teacher will be like, everyone's sitting down. teacher's got everyone's attention. His eyes older eyes are on the teacher and she's about to read a book. He'll just stand up walk to the corner of the classroom without reading a book. Yeah, for no
reason.
But she's a lovely teacher. So she'll cater to those sorts of slides that guide him back and yeah, like I said, Oh punishing him, you know, like, the fine like, sometimes the teaching, like is like outdated? Or like, you know, learn the five L's. Yeah, you know, listen, look, whatever I'm like, but some kids don't want to listen and just sit down and look at you quietly. They don't like they they take time to develop laughs Yes. I find like if the teacher would cater to that she does.
So now we're on to some more intense topics, we're going to discuss the topic of domestic violence and I've seen your social media page of abuse spoken about this. And we always hear like the psychology part of the this this aspect of domestic violence and like the law, but we've never like we do we do need to hear more about the Islamic side of things of what Islam says about domestic violence. So can you just elaborate on that? Okay, so I think that number one as an Omar, we need to really step back and consider what is Islam teaching us as a whole system? Yes, right. Like if you know this is a Deen Islam is a dean of, you know, justice. And then you know, along with Dallas's in
Allah yet Moodle bill ugly when a fan Verily Allah orders for an answer. And a lesson he orders for justice, and Elise sandwiches, you know, doing good to others. That's what exam is all about. Yeah, right. And then the other thing is to do with the What else does this then teach us? It teaches us that womb, oppression is something which is forbidden and it's all mats on your piano. You right here, boom, as in darkness, you press someone you come with darkness on your pianos, and you have to, you know, they take from your Hester net. And if you run out of minutes, you take their hat, they say yet you take their students, right. So, so, you know, and look, think consider the Hadith
of the Prophet sallallahu. It was certain in which he says a Muslim or a whole Muslim, right, a Muslim is a brother to another Muslim. Lay your limo whether Yahuwah Yakubu Wella guru, right. He doesn't oppress him. He doesn't let him down. He doesn't deceive him. He doesn't put him down and humiliate him. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So we're talking about a religion that does not even allow a person to oppress Anse spamela. Okay, so how could it be that Islam allows for any type of avert cruelty?
or suffering to women? Yeah. And again, like it's important, we do, you know, clarify that we're not saying that domestic violence doesn't happen to men to lice, but the reality is, in general, women tend to be in the more vulnerable position, and if it wasn't, so, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam wouldn't have spent his whole, like, almost his entire messenger ship, right? Trying to uplift the status of women. And how many a year did the Quran Cain? Yeah, you know, it's all about the women to uplift their situation because it was known that they were the ones who were in the more vulnerable position and that's even you've got like, in a hadith Hassan, right by unnecessary, the prophets
that are long Maya silan. He said, Allah in need, or how do you do Huckleberry Finn, right. Oh, Allah, I stress upon you. Like in saying it to the men of the old man, a stress upon you. The right of to vulnerable ones. Yeah. Right. And your team will mark
the orphan and the woman. Why because she's in a more vulnerable position. In most cases. Not all cases. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So unfortunately, what we see is, this is how it should be. This is how the normal Muslim near should be. Yeah. Who's, who's whose fitrah is not corrupted. Yeah. Okay. But unfortunately, with, you know, everything that's happening in the world and you know, people lost the man they lost their taqwa. Yeah. So the fichter has become crooked. Yeah. So what happens is, we find people, you know, cherry picking verses to basically suit their agenda. Yes, you know, I agree with you and actually, to ask what's happening or, you know, it pretty much reminds me of, you know,
what Allahu taala says, and sort of motto 15 Yeah. Okay. Now when when the prophets that are longer than came to Medina, the, you know, the people were ripping each other off in there Buying and selling. Okay, so what they would do is like, when they buy something from someone, yeah, they make sure that they get their full right. Yeah, but when they, you know, when someone buys something from them, yeah. They, Johnson, they rip them off what they say they actually understand what we what we what we see is that, you know, it's about you know, even though that those yet are originally about taking the rights of others in weighing and measuring, right, but ultimately, it's about taking
The rights falsely from others. You know you want Okay, all rights. Do you understand but you're not ready to to give your responsibilities. Absolutely, yeah, unfortunately I'm in Australia every two minutes, they said that a police gets notified domestic violence, it's an epidemic in a sort of Muslim issue
has become absolutely I find with our generations with the parents generation, do you find that it can be a cycle? So they I saw my dad push around my mom when things got you know, when things got heated? So I implement that why am I so it's important that we break these cycles and actually get help, if they're women or men in these situations? Weren't that sisters? No, it's not a Muslim only problem and in no way to do. Do you know, statistics show that yeah, it happens in communities, but we as Muslim community, because we're so worried about, you know, what the non Muslims would say, No, we can't be hiding these issues. Exactly. It's not
pretending or this is not happening in the Muslim community very taboo, you know, you know, this is not right to do with you. It's not, you know, your uphold justice, it makes women lose faith, exhaustively lose faith, you know, in Islam, because it centers to be the religion of justice, when my justice is Pamela, you know, saying that a lot. Yes.
So, we've spoken about domestic violence, what about specific, like spiritual abuse in relationships, I had one case of a sister that had just gotten married and everything. If anything went wrong, he would link it to the dean. So he would say something like, Allah is going to punish you, Allah is not going to love you. Because you know, you're not treating me well as a husband or the angels are gonna curse you or you're a hypocrite, a real Muslim, I wouldn't do something like this. And it really, really damaged her faith because of me. Yeah. So I see a lot. And you elaborate on that you've spoken about spiritual abuse before? Yeah. So it's like I was sort of speaking about
a little bit before with the domestic violence. Yeah.
It's basically cherry picking. No, yes. Or Hadeeth. to suit your own agenda. Yeah. You know, and we've got to understand that, you know, in this time we're living in with, you know, capitalism, a lot of selfishness. There's a there is a rise of narcissism. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah. And one of the consequences of that is that, you'll find that, you know, people want to take all their rights, but they're happy to neglect others, their, you know, the rights that they owe to others. Okay, so this is a big problem. And, you know, it goes back to what I was saying before about sort of the Buffy theme, you know, Allah, Allah says, Allah, your Bula, Anna, whomever who don't, don't,
they know that they'll be raised and questioned in front of Allahu taala. So, you know, we're living in a time of the lack of taqwa, your lack of fear of Allah, because anybody who really believe they're going to meet with a law on your piano, will be very scared to transgress the rights spinals of anyone, because anything you take, now you have to repay them on your PMR. So kangla See, so we've got to realize that, like, it's very important, I like sisters to understand that. narcissism is something that, you know, it exists everywhere. Yeah. And unfortunately, when we find it in Islam, those narcissists will use them as one of their tools. Yes, so they have lots of tools they
use, but it's just exam will become one of their tools. Exactly. So it's good versus digital cup narcissism, to understand it put into perspective so that they don't have that, you know, it doesn't shake their faith, realize that, unfortunately, it's somebody to somebody else, and somebody can look openly, quite religious. Yeah. And it's not exclusive to males. You can have females who
are the number one,
it's important for them to understand that and having the kind of victim mentality, the selfishness that we have in this community, not community, sorry, globally. Yeah. materialism does rise to narcissism. So now we're on to the segment from the outside. In.
This segment, we bring a book or documentary or article that we've read, and we'd like to share with each other and the audience. So Dolly today brought something she wants to share with us. So Dr. Hashim al awadhi. He wrote the book Mohammed, he can make you an extraordinary he can make you extraordinary. It was a beautiful book, I really loved this. This particular book, it's, it fuses moments and life circumstances of the prophets, Allah lives and experiences. So it gives us motivational self development, of how the prophets, Allah lolis animals life can change our relationships, our relationships with our family members, with our siblings, and with ourselves. He
structured the book in life stages, so you've got childhood, teen years, early adulthood, the 40s and 50s. And he navigates through each step how we can be the best version of ourselves looking at the life of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. It's so practical this, I've read a few scenarios of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam but this one was really good.
It was just so practical the way they had tables and so on and so forth. So he's written another book children around the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. So, yeah, that's a really good read. Yeah. So like, I think it's nice that like, Dahlia told me to read, I haven't read it yet. But like what she explained to me that it's like different stages of like the Prophet's life. So like you actually relate to so if you have children, you think about,
exactly, it's a practical way of actually living the life of the prophets. And it's really tailored towards the youth and their needs, especially in the 21st century, it's really, it's sometimes we look at the process, Allah lives, sometimes life, and we're like, it's so disconnected and different to us. But it really brings how similar these stages can be, and how we can implement our lives.
So you're a river, and you like your mom as well, like in the West. So what are the struggles as a river and a mum living in the West? Look, I think one of the greatest struggles I faced
as a reboot, you don't tend to have a lot of support, raising your children. So you have a lot of all the pressures on you, I'm not saying that other women don't have that, like, if you have an extended family, you'd be in the same boat, like me, you know, that that was probably one of my biggest struggles, you know, trying to raise the kids on my own, not really having the, you know, not really having that family support around.
That was probably the hardest thing, but Hamdulillah, you know, Allah blessed me with a very wonderful husband, melanotic team, and, you know, he really did his best to support me. And, you know, that's the thing we've got to change our philosophy on, on the way we manage our households, like we're living in a high pressure society, like it's not like before, where you could just send the kids out to play with a neighbor's and run around the block. And, you know, so the kids under, you know, they're under in your, and you're with us and your daughter's
24, seven, and you got to do all the other things you need to do. So it's got to be it's got to be a Jew effort, you know, both really, really to be successful in raising your kids in this day and age. Both the father and mother need to be involved. It can't be just one person's effort. Like, unfortunately, a lot of people have that. Like, unfortunately, you know, a lot people have the attitude that, oh, it's all the woman's responsibility. And, you know, men take their hands off. And that's not going to be helpful. Like you've got you know, you're raising your kids in a time of great fitna. Yeah, they need both a mother and a father, you need to you need everybody on board.
Yeah, yeah, I agree. And, you know, I do find that we had a village to raise our kids in our parents time, we had that Auntie's names, and women are isolated these days. And that's why there's so much burnt out mothers anxious ones, because they feel like the whole load is on me. So even if there are single mothers out there, having a male mentor, like an uncle or a granddad, that can be close to the Yeah, look, I've got a lot of friends who are single mums. Yeah, the way that they you know, they support each other. So yeah, if you don't have a husband, I'm a bit we've got to also consider there are so many women now metal and make it easy for all of them. They've got to be the mum and
the dad. Yeah, you know, but in that case, they will look out for each other, they've got to come together and give each other that support, because you just can't do it on your own. We're only human beings. I completely agree. On Jamal being from a revert background, what were some of your personal struggles? And what advice would you give to sisters that are reverts, and especially if their kids are not Muslim at the moment, or they don't have other family members, you know, immediate family members that are Muslim?
I think you have to work out some sort of navigation with your own family. Yeah, that was a big struggle in the beginning. Often the, you know, your non Muslim family kind of wants to
sometimes it's a impose new things that you don't necessarily accept in your Muslim family. So you have to kind of do a bit of, you could say, conflict, resolution, conflict resolution with a family. And we did do that we had to work through a few things. That was a difficult stage, but we need to get to a level of respect, but I don't force my Deen on you. And similarly, I don't expect you to try to enforce your values on me either. Yeah, you know, we need to reach a happy medium. Yeah. So it takes a while to get there. That's probably one of the problems. But once we've got that out of the way, and Hamdulillah, you know, now we've got a really quite good relationship with Mike with my
parents, you know, how we see each other all the time. And so everything's, you know, you just you can solve it. It's solvable inshallah. And of course, there are exceptions to that there are people who really struggle with their family, it just depends. I just my heart goes out to reverts. And I think they're just gems of the community because the struggles that we've so many born Muslims take for granted how difficult in a Christmas season or, you know, basic things are just dropping your kids off at your mom's house and things you have to be precautious about things that we take for granted, you know, they soldier on my shelf. That's why I see them, the most passionate of the
community tend to be the refits. Allahumma barik so now we've reached our segment, take home tasks.
So at the end of the show, we usually have our guests give us a take home tasks or tasks to implement for the next week. So it was about a day and the floor is yours. Tell us tell us. Alright, so at this time of the year, what I really recommend sisters and brothers if they're listening do start trying to implement new good habits in your routine. So if you're not praying your prayers on time right now get them start paying them on time. You know, if you need to, you know, if you don't normally pray as soon as after your prayers like the robots, you know, the 12 Sooners, you know, get them under control and also consider
consider either memorizing a new surah of the Quran or revising some sort of you know, series of the Quran that you've memorized previously because it's all about getting us off mentally emotionally and spiritually ready for a modern and there's nothing like you know reciting in your total we knew like a yet that you've just memorized recently rather than you know, paying in Ramadan with that, you know, some people just know all of Allahu Ahad you know what I mean I say and it really does beautify your prayer more when you've got more like to read Yeah, so try to get into that try to memorize some more revise so that you can really enjoy your Ramadan inshallah inshallah and in us
you kind of come into Ramadan much more smoother than starting day one trying to implement a bunch of new habits in the first day of Ramadan me Yeah, thank you. So this now brings us to the end of this episode. Thank you so much for joining us on jamaludin It's been a pleasure to have you Yeah, thank you very much. Does that come a little higher on for inviting me was absolute pleasure and honor and I asked Allahu taala you know to make us you know, help us all reach Ramadan safely and humanely sauce this Ramadan inshallah and forgive our sins and make us from those who are saved from the fire and who enter genital for Dalston. Amin and they Allah relieve the Alma of all our trials
and alarm I mean, so guys, if you're enjoying this podcast, take a minute to leave us a review. And don't forget to share with other moms in your network so we can spread the benefits far and wide. Until then we know you'll take every opportunity to be the supermom we know you are welcome, ladies.
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