The Muslim Family #31 – A Quranic Perspective on Nurturing Children
Channel: Tim Humble
Series: Tim Humble - The Muslim Family
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to carry Moosa Lu wa colocar La La, la de la Lu. Well Mustafa al de
leeuw Alhamdulillah europian alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi edge mehreen Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh All praise is due to Allah azza wa jal alone, we ask Allah azza wa jal to exalt the mentioned grant peace to our messenger Muhammad Sallallahu. It was sent him to his family and his companions, were talking about tarbiyah nurturing, preparing, educating our children for the in terms of their a Baghdad, the Eman And that a Baghdad and the act of worship, and in terms of their worldly life, and of the comprehensive nature of total BIA in Islam. Now, instead of going through definitions and examples and things like
that of of Tobia from just from the books of the scholars, and so on, I thought it would be really beneficial if we were to go through some examples of tarbiyah from the Quran. And perhaps the most prominent example that comes to mind is the advice of Look man, to his son.
And look, man, he was a wise man and scholars deferred over over that what exactly exactly like a man was, but it said that he was a wise man that used to
he used to teach the people good, before the prophet of his time came and when the prophet of his time came, he, he stepped back and he gave that position to that particular prophet. But in any case, that is said to be a stronger opinion that he wasn't a prophet, but that he was a wise man that was given wisdom by Allah and Allah azza wa jal mentions his example in Surah lachemann and we're going to start from a number 12 in which allies which I said, Well, I'll call the earth a local man and hc Mehta, anish kuruvilla women yes score for India NIOSH curonian fc women calf Allah for inala Hawk I need you and Hameed. We certainly gave look man wisdom.
Look, man, he's known by this since allies which has said this about him he's known as Look, man, and Hakeem no commander wise, he was given wisdom from a lie. So without any score Lila, to be grateful to allies origin. And if you notice what we are told about Look, man, all of the things that we are told about Look man, up all things about the way that he advised his son, and the tarbiyah that he had for his son. And perhaps this is one of the ways that Look, man showed his gratitude to Allah azza wa jal, perhaps you can take this as a benefit and allies with generals best that
the gratitude that look man short to allies or a gel from that gratitude was that he showed gratitude to Allah azza wa jal for his son, and that he taught his son and he gave the right tarbiyah to his son and this is an example of the gratitude that look man had towards Allah azza wa jal, and whoever shows gratitude, they only show gratitude to the benefit of themselves. It's it's yourself, if you're grateful to Allah, you don't benefit Allah. Allah doesn't need your gratitude. But if you're great if you're grateful to Allah, then you benefit You're the one who benefits from it. And whoever is ungrateful than Allah is honey Yun, Hamid Alize, free of all need and Worthy of
all praise. So allies, we just need the worship of his servants. But when they worship Allah, that's what Allah deserves. And that's what brings them good. And then we're told about the advice of local man what is called a local man who live in Hawaii or Eva who Yeah, born a yeller to Shrek Bella in sheer color woman of him. And when look man said to his son while he was admonishing him, or my son, do not make a partner with a law. Indeed, making a partner with Allah is a great oppression. Here we begin with the advice of look man to his son, and the admonishment that look man gave to his son. And from that there are entire articles, books and even chapters that are written just on the advice
of look man to his son and the the role and the value of it in a tarbiyah. To Islamia in, nurturing and educating our children. The first thing is that Look, man, took it upon himself, to give advice to his son,
to give him the knowledge and the information that he would need to prepare him going forward in his life, and that admonishment that that he gave him that the
thought that speech, and he gave him that advice. And he said those words to him, that shows that he took his responsibility as a parent and he took the importance of a terribie the importance of nurturing his son. And he gave him those words of advice, that until this day, we hold them to be among the most valuable of all of the advice that is, has been given on the topic of topia and Allah subhanaw taala preserved that advice for us in the Quran. And he said to his son, yeah, born a year and this is from the the other the etiquettes of topia that he said, Oh, my son and Vanessa is a sweet we're it's a it's a sweet way of addressing your child. Because you can say yeah, well Edie
who my son or my child Yeah, you can say like without it being so sweet and soft. But he said yeah, Bonnie, or my son in a gentle software punia is a gentle and soft way of seeing it. So he spoke to him softly while able he's giving him a unique aroma he's reminding him and he's he's giving him important words that he will have to take on board and implement. But he speaks to him softly and gently yeah boy and that's how to be I should be taught to be I should be with riff and Lena we're going to come to this later on it will be with softness and gentleness to begin with, at least in the initial that the default position should be softness and gentleness. Yeah, born a year later,
Shrek Bella, all my son, do not make a partner with a law. Look at what look man started with? Did he start the education of his son by teaching him? You know, the alphabet by teaching him the, you know, mathematics or by teaching him how to make money in the dunya? What did he spies advice with all my son do not make a partner with a law. Because ultimately, that is what really matters. That's what that's what counts your piano. That's what's going to be the difference between your agenda and you're not on the agenda and, and not of the destination where your children are going to go being gender or Now the difference is going to be whether you made a partner with. So it doesn't matter
whether your child is rich or poor. It doesn't matter whether your child gets a good job or not, doesn't matter whether your child is quote unquote educated or quote unquote, uneducated. None of that determines their gender and they're not what determines that is the statement. Yeah, buena Yella Toshi Villa, oh, my son, don't make a partner with Allah, whatever you're going to do. And he didn't even start with even any of the other sins, either. He started with the greatest sin. He didn't start with any of the other sins. He didn't start with all my son, don't commit immorality, or my son don't lie, or my son, he started with the most important, the most important, my son if
you if there is just one sin that you avoid, latter should be to make a partner with Allah in any aspect of it. And this is the most important lesson and the most important piece of education that we can give to our children. So how sad is it? And how just how it's just their own words to describe how sad it is to see parents that they give their children everything, but they don't give them this. They give their children education they give their children a beautiful place to live. They give their children money and and they give them happiness in terms of the worldly life. But they never ever teach their children. Yeah, Borneo electroshock, Bella, oh, my son don't make a
partner with a la initiative, Kayla volman. avi, because making a partner with Allah is the greatest example of volume. And volume is in the linguistic sense it is watershape field at Mobile, putting something where it doesn't belong. And there is no greater example of putting something where it doesn't belong than the example of giving some of the rights of Allah azza wa jal to someone or something else, any of the rights of Allah, whether that's the right of ally as it relates to worship, whether that's right of allies, it relates to his names and attributes or his lordship, whether it's the right of a lot in as it relates to our actions towards Allah, or whether it's the
right of allies, it relates to allies actions towards us. Ultimately, we don't give the right of Allah azza wa jal to anyone or anything else. Because that is the greatest example of putting something in the wrong place. putting something where it doesn't belong in the *ter color volman Avi, we can also take from this that he gave a he explained the concept to his son, he gave that the the reason and the concept. And he didn't just say to him, yeah, Bonnie electroshock Bella full stop, oh, my son tomeka partner with a lot and then move on. He explained to him and he gave him more have a reason to understand the initial color Voldemort of him because making a partner with
allies that greatest oppression that a person can do is the greatest
Depression, there is no oppression greater than that. So he started and this is a principle in tarbiyah that you start with a handful and when you start with the most important thing, and then you look at the next things, we're not going to see it's not important to give your children education, we're not going to see it's not important to look after your children's manners and and the way they deal with other people or to look at you know, to look at them having a comfortable childhood environment to grow up in. All of these things have their place, but don't neglect the most important thing. Yeah, Borneo, lettershop villa in nutshell, Khalil volman of the Oh my son
don't make a partner with a law making a partner with a lies the worst kind of oppression. And then a lie. So john mentioned the rights of the parents was seen as insane everywhere the day Hamlet when and Allah when, when he saw to who fear I mean, he initially Wiley Wiley De La Jolla, mahseer. And even in the books, even though this is like an aside, it's like it's it, that the the words of of Look man, and then that there is a break here in the eye art where lies which speaks about the rights of the parents, I found that the some of the scholars of Islam when they spoke about this advice of lachemann they included this within the advice that this is the advice to be good to your
parents. And the importance of fulfilling the rights of the parents and this is something we're going to talk about extensively inshallah to Allah when we come to the section on the rights of the parents and the obligations of the children towards their parents, but the eyes so we can complete the ayat and give them in the complete form. And we have commanded mankind with regard to his parents to be good to his parents. His mother, carried him in weakness upon weakness or any hardship upon hardship. And his weaning took place over two years, that that child might show gratitude to Allah and to his parents, while he Valley, deca anishka, Lee Wiley Wiley De La Masia that you show
thanks to me, I to Allah and to your parents, and you know that to Allah will be your destination. so here we can also take from this that because this ayah comes among, or in between the advice of luck man, to his son, that this is also a part of what a parent instills upon the children. And that is the responsibility of the of the child towards their parent. And linking that to the rights of a light soldier. The right of Allah is origin. Yeah, Bonnie Yella to Shrek Bella inicial que la Vollmer, Avi, all my son don't make a partner with Allah. Indeed making a partner with a lies the greatest kind of oppression, and then to link the right of the parents anishka Lee where the wily
dhekelia lawsuit that you show gratitude to me and you show gratitude to your parents gratitude to me, you show gratitude to your parents gratitude to Allah and gratitude to your parents and that that's important to put it in that context. Some parents they when they teach their children, the only thing that they teach their children is the right of the parents and they neglect the right of a lot. But in reality, we have to teach them the right of Allah first and the right of the parents and then link the two together initially when he when he saw that you may show gratitude to Allah first of all because Allah comes first and Islam comes first. And you may also show gratitude to
your parents and they are the most deserving of the rights to be fulfilled. After the right all Allah subhanho wa Taala what enjoy hi Derek Allah and to stick up my alley silica be here in Philadelphia, Houma, la Sahib Houma Fede, dunya Makarova, what tablet sebelum and Abba LA, some Malaya model Gen Con federal now bill couldn't be more quantum medicine than a lies which tells us that even if your parents strive against you to make a partner with a lie in that which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. Because as we said, La Plata, Lima lukin female Seattle colleagues, there is no obedience to creation in disciplines of the Creator. We spoke about how your children
could take you away from Allah azza wa jal if you're not careful. Or likewise, your parents could also command you to do something that takes you away from allies. But as a child, you do not obey anyone, if it means disobeying Allah, but, but was our Hippo Murphy Jr. Moreover, you still accompany your parents in this world in the best way you still accompany them, spend time with them, speak with them, have good manners with them, even if they tell you to make a partner with a loss pattern, and look at how this is related to the statement of lachemann in a shilka a little more of him. Making a partner with a lie is the greatest kind of oppression. And still, if your parents
command you to make a partner with a lie, you still don't leave them you don't make it
Have them you don't abandon them and turn away from them. But you continue to call them to Islam and you continue even though you don't obey them in that you continue to give them that server that accompaniment in the dunya in the best possible way. And then Elijah just said and follow the path of those who turn to me and repentance and then nor to me will be your return and I will inform you about what you used to do. Then the advisor will return back to that advice of looking at the I article back to the advice of Look man, that look man said yeah born a year in in telco Miss Carla hi Betty men have that, in fact, are confused in our office seminar to fill out the TV Hello inala
Hello tea from hubby. He said Oh, my son and again he addresses him with such a beautiful, sweet way of addressing him. Yeah, Bonnie, all my little boy, my little son. And it doesn't mean that his son was necessarily any small. But it's the it's a way that he's addressing him in such a nice way. Yeah, Barnea in intercom with Karla hub, Min hadelich photography Socrative Lv seminar to fill out DTV Hello
to all my son, if there is the weight of a seed, or the weight of a mustard seed, and this was inside of a rock, or anywhere in the heavens, or anywhere in the earth, Allah will bring it forth.
Here we speak about the tarbiyah of our children as it relates to the merkabah of Allah subhanaw taala. Knowing that Allah azza wa jal is watching you, knowing that Eliza just sees what you do, and will lie This is from the greatest of the things that we can educate and nurture our children upon. Remember to be is not just about educating them, and then that's it, we just teach them. My children don't make a partner with a lot, my children, be aware that Allah is watching you, but instead is a matter of nurturing them like constantly encouraging them, to have this kind of mindset, always encouraging them to have this belief and have this mindset. And one of the greatest things you can
nurture your children upon is the more our caliber of Allah as origin, to know that Allah Subhana Allah is watching. And this brings us to the statement of the prophets lie Selim about a sign in the hadith of gibreel, and caribou de la haka, and nicotero for Islam, techwin Tara who fit in now we are Ark, that you worship Allah as though you can see him. And even though you can't see him, you know that he sees you got what he said, say my son, if there was even a seed the size of a mustard seed, tiniest little seed, the size of a mustard seed. And if it was deep within the earth, or anywhere in the heavens and earth, if it was hidden inside of the rock, or it was in the heavens of
the earth, or last panatela would bring it forth.
For me, I'm going with Colorado to hire a young woman, young man with color potential. Whoever does even an atom's weight of good we'll see whether they even atoms weight of evil will see it. And he teaches his children and he encourages his children to be aware that our lives watching
and ultimately that requires the parent to be an example right. And also Paula how many times we, we we fall into this error, that we feel that what matters is how we are in front of other people. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. He mentioned a group of people either huddled up my Harry Miller into hakuho group of people that their deeds will come Yokoyama, I'd be like the mountains, they'll be turned to dust. Why? Because when they were alone with what Allah made her on, they fell into it. And that doesn't mean that you will never do harm when you're alone doesn't mean that what it means is that the person didn't see it to be worth anything. They didn't see it was important
that when they were alone, and no one saw them, but a lot they didn't think it was important. The only thing they thought was important is what they did in front of everybody else. That's what they sought to be important. That's what they consider to be worthwhile what they did in front of other people, what they did, when Allah azza wa jal that nobody sees them except Allah. They didn't see it to be important. So they fell into all kinds of Haram. they close the door and they lock the door, and then they don't care what they do. They fall into all of the Heron in Taku had a fell into all of those kinds of horror. So he's teaching his son not to be from those people that fall into the
harem. So look, man, alayhis salam, he taught his son to have the markaba of Allah, nor that allies watching you, and ultimately as a parent, you know, how many times do we as parents we teach our children to have fear of the parents but not fear of Allah. Like your dad could see your dad will find out Mom's going
Find out what you did. What would your dad say? If he knew about it? What would your mom say if you knew about it, but ultimately, it's not about that it's about the morale caba of Allah azza wa jal teaching our children to know that Allah is watching them. And that what matters is that Allah knows what they're doing. Because ultimately, you fearing your parents, knowing what you do, that's not going to solve the problem. You know, that's not going to last you in all of your different situation. That's not going to stop you when you're alone from doing the harm, because you will do good as long as you're within the sight of your parents. And so many people are like that, sadly, so
many Muslims fall into that. And then he told his son, yeah, Bani Hakim is sila. What might have been in my life when I needed mooncup wasp or Allah saw back in the early caminar has many more.
He taught his son or my son, establish the prayer and command what is good and forbid what is evil and be patient over what will happen to you or what will afflict you. Indeed, this is from the matters that require determination. So he told his son alchemists, Allah Subhanallah Look at the beautiful tarbiyah of Look, man. He told him Yeah, Bonnie electrosonic Bella in a shift colorful mommy told us my son don't make a partner with a lie the making a partner with a lies the worst kind of oppression, the greatest form of oppression. He told his son to develop the maraca of Allah to know that Allah is watching you to know that you can't hide something from Allah to know that Allah
will call you and hold you to account for what you have done. And then he told his son or my son have performed the Salah Aki massada
because the Salah has such an important position in this in the religion of Islam, the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said after a lengthy been an hour Bina Hamas Salah from Antarctica have occurred careful. The difference between us and them is the prayer whoever leaves as disbelieved and ally xojo told us in the Quran, enough salata 10 her I need fascia, you uncut. The prayer prevents immorality and wrongdoing. So Pamela, that's what we want for our children, right? We want our children to stop doing wrong things to have to be righteous to be that well, it's silent, that righteous child, he had to let the calls or mix to our to Allah azza wa jal for their
parents after their parents have passed away. But that's only going to come when we establish that we teach our children to perform the Salah,
Aki masala and we're going to talk about this in child later on about the ages and things like that, to be age specific, or the age specific nature of topia. But here Hakim Sala, he tells his son or my son perform the prayer be from the people who perform the prayer, work more Bill Maher off and command that which is good when he is
and forbid that which is evil. And that is the situation of the best of people. Because the best of people are those people who are allies, or gela has adorned them with a man and they call to that which is good. And they forbid that which is evil. And that's why lies which are told us and sorted out in run quantum higher or omitted or rejected in US tap more on IBM or Wolfie by 10 hole now any moon carry what I mean when I believe you're the best of the people that's ever the best nation that's ever been brought out for the people. You command what is good, and you forbid what is evil. And you believe in Allah. And that is the status that's the was the description of the best of
people. They have a man they command what is good, and they forbid what is evil. And no doubt commanding, good and forbidding evil that has that requires its own episode. And it's probably outside of the topic that we have on the Muslim family. But it requires its own lecture and its own topic, because there are so many rulings and regulations about how to do that and to do it properly. But to teach our children when you see something wrong, that you should have a desire within yourself to stop that in the way that Islam makes permissible and the way that Islam has legislated for you. And you should be people who go around it and spread the good. Give dour, call the people
to the good. Tell the people to do good stop people from doing wrong. But when you do that, when you have that description of the best of the people, and that's better than the person who is a person of a man, but the the day keep that a man to themselves. A person of a man but the man is for themselves on they don't tell the people to do good. They don't give Dawa to Allah. They don't forbid the people from doing that which is wrong. And the greatest good you can tell a person to do is it to hate to worship Allah alone and the greatest evil you can prevent people from is a ship is making a partner with all
And then after that all of the other commandments and the sins, each in accordance to the level that Eliza gel has given it. And when you do that what will happen? You will need to be patient waspinator I'll Mr. saavik be patient with what will happen to you. Because ultimately he's teaching his son a life lesson. That when you go and you call the people to to hate, and you forbid the people from shirk, and you call the people too soon, and you forbid the people from Vidya, and you call the people to authority to obedience to Allah, and you forbid them from Mercia from the sins, what's going to happen, the same thing that happened to the NBA and also the prophets and
messengers, Allahu Salatu was salam, you're going to need patience. So he's preparing Didn't we see that tarbiyah is preparing your children for what they're going to need, giving, preparing your children for what they're going to need going forward. So here he sees that my son, I'm teaching you perform the prayer command, what is good forbid what is evil, and I'm preparing you for the fact that you're going to need to be patient, while spirit Allah saw back in your life, regardless of how much of the ordering the good and forbidding the evil you do, everyone in their life is going to have things that happen to them, that are difficulties, troubles. So you prepare your children for
that, and you teach them and nurture them how to manage when the situation is not as they would wish it to be. And that is one of the greatest life lessons we can teach our children how to manage in the situation of the masiva situation of the calamity in the extreme difficulty. How do we cope with that, and he teaches his son and he prepares him for it mentally in Nevada can mean as much or more, this is going to require determination. It's not easy. It's not easy to manage. When things are difficult. It's not easy, easy to manage, when you have a calamity happen to you. It's not easy to manage when the people reject you, and the people ridicule you or the people push you away or they
threaten you or insult you. It's not easy to manage, it's going to require a license, it's going to require determination. So he's building the character of his child and character building is one of the most fundamental parts of autopia. Building the character of the person, the chassis of the child, the character, building the character and one of the aspects in their character has an awesome determination to be determined. And no doubt we're going to talk about that that requires the tofield of allies origin and it requires putting your trust in a line to work well in Allah having that determination to carry on even when difficulties happen to you. Then he continued with
his advice. Look man I Salaam he said one or two ser el HUD de Cali nurse he will attempt she fill out the model her in Allah Allah you hibou Kula machteld info. Eliza gel told us about the advice of look man as it continues, and don't want to start telling us
this expression is an expression that relates to the camel.
And what it means is that you kind of show the people your cheek and you show and it's a kind of an expression of pride and seeing yourself above the people while attempt shifted out of the Mara. And don't walk on the earth. Mara had that situation of again, it's pride and haughtiness and seeing yourself to be above other people. Don't turn your cheek to the people will add to sorry, a decade in us. Don't turn your cheek that people in a way. And it's a symbol of pride and a symbol of you seeing yourself to be above them. And don't make the way that you walk a walk of pride. In Allahu Allahu hypokalemic
Allah does truly Allah does not love every arrogant bolster. Look at what look man has now moved on to he's moved on to teaching his son the etiquettes of how to interact with other people in the context of what the context of Islam Subhana Allah, look at the difference here. He's not just it's not just that he's teaching his son etiquettes and how to behave towards other people teaching your children manners, basically right? But he's teaching him manners in the light of Islam. And that's why we said that whenever the title pa deals with the more articulate how to deal with other people, it's always for you bow Islam, your boy will kitabi will soon in the light of the Quran and the
Sunnah. That's how we teach our children the etiquettes that matter and the etiquettes that are the things that are beloved to Allah and the things that our allies or jail hates. allies of God hates for a person to show pride and haughtiness and insolence. And to walk on the earth in that way, that incident way. And I love this I love every arrogant boster so panela but this is an ethic of how you deal with people. So look man is teaching his son how to do
With people but he's and how to behave towards people how to have manners and etiquettes but he's teaching him in the light of what Allah azza wa jal loves, because ultimately, the prophet sighs and like he said, in our brief to the autumn Mima mcherry Malala
I was only sent to complete the best of manners, I was only sent to complete the best of manners, and that includes manners with a larger agenda. Yo boo nay your letter shipbuilder or my son don't make a partner with the law but it also includes your manners with the people as well and that's a part of Islam. So we teach our children manners but we don't teach it independently obviously we teach in the light of Islam and then he said walks it for you machico Well, Boardman Celtic in Ankara a Swati last autumn Hamid he said be moderate in your walking we know that Islam requires moderation in everything okay there leakage and no inner Come on mutton wassup I like this, we've
made you a moderate a middle on between extremes. Be moderate in your walking while Boardman Celtic and lower your voice. Don't make your voice Don't shout out above the people. Some of the scholars they mentioned in this is an etiquette in terms of when a person has knowledge. They don't need to raise their voice. People who raise their voice and shout or the other people is because they don't have heard yet. They don't have a deli. They don't have evidence. They don't have knowledge to be able to argue their point. So they just raise the voices above the people. But in reality, raising your voice and just making a loud noise is not something that is significant signifies knowledge.
And that's why he said at the end in in nkhata, Swati assaulted me, the most hated of sounds is the brain of a donkey. The brain of the donkey that's not something that comes with knowledge is just a noise. It's a noise that is an catalyst, what's the most hated of sounds, it's just a noise. But it's not. It doesn't signify knowledge and etiquette and manners. And that's part of the total beer that he taught to his son that Eliza gel told us about in the Quran. That the
when you speak with people, lower your voice, let you overcome people through your evidences through your projects through your knowledge. Don't overcome them by raising your voice and shouting over them like the soul to me like the voice or the like the brain of the donkey.
And likewise, when you walk among the people be moderate, don't be the one who is
in any extreme on one extreme or another. And this is just an example of the total beer that look man give to a Sunday example that Eliza gel gives us in the Quran of Look man, his son, but it's it's got so many lessons within it and Cipolla. We don't actually have time in the course or in this episode, to go through all of the lessons that this contains. But inshallah to Allah This is just any Sharla an indication of some of the benefits and the lessons as it relates to tarbiyah. From the story that is mentioned towards in the Quran of Lockman and his son, that's what a lysogenic made easy for me to mention analyze which animals list or Salatu was Salam ala nabina Muhammad wa ala
alihi wa sahbihi etchmiadzin A Salaam Alaikum. If you're enjoying these videos, and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running, make sure you head over to a m au adho.com