The Fiqh of intimacy 4 of 5

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Tariq Appleby

Channel: Tariq Appleby

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Topics: Fiqh

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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No culture kicked up. In the past, we have the waiting nights the husband's Auntie's would come to the bedroom, and they will inspect the sheets.

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Disgusting.

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It

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happens anywhere else. When I thought this was

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I was I was in a family journey. And I said no.

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Anyone gets into this family we have the cousins who get married. No one is going to have this

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thing is how long How long? How long Hello? This

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is

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because besides you know, the obvious reason why they do it to make sure that they go you know, was a virgin before that. It is disgusting that we don't have that trust. If someone says by us a couple you know, have you have you had relations with each other before other people with each other before? And they say no.

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The default

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is something that he's been truthful

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he's innocent until proven proven guilty. And there's absolutely no reason why it's the community with the family to the tune into your life. Okay, but if it does happen, what is

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the purpose of the law

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in Medina,

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Medina

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the beautify the perfume and they

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come into the room, and they gave a they stole it

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and

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gave it to her. She dragged

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it to decide that she had

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the puppets on the love it was enough also.

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Okay, so the first thing is that a man or a woman must behave themselves with this night. They must beautify themselves, they must look good smell good. Okay. The second thing is that we learned from this is that

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you should bring his wife a gift. In this case, it was a sweet gift. Could be honey, it could be chocolates, could be whatever your wife likes the culture the most

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know if you ever had that before,

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but whatever, whatever your spouse enjoys being something like that, it doesn't have to be something it could be something else as well.

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The third thing that we also need to understand is that gentleness is a patient is absolutely okay. So patience, not being

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funny is a book called

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The gift of the of the newlyweds. But this was a part of

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this chapter, but in talking about this, they talk about sexual intercourse of the person.

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Now the SP words if I remember correctly, because

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remember

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what

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I don't remember but basically the causation should have been be and the wife the husband should approach the wife in a gentle Katie way

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the husband should have

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but basically the words use words that you shouldn't be should be

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fixed fixture in a nation and that

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none of those connotations.

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So patience, also gentleness, not only in terms of the physicality but also in the words, reissuing your spouse, especially made they need to be gentle in the physical actions. They need to be gentle in their words in the way that they approach the lives of the first

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Time is absolutely essential. So there must be lots of open. Okay, lots of if it is to be enjoyable, especially for the wife, then there must be lots of hope. And if you have never ever been in a sexual relationship before, this is something that must be must be enjoyed even

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kissing someone for the first time. Imagine

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you finally married, you've never kissed someone of the opposite sex with desire, you know, you didn't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. So the first night you went to Starbucks for the first time. First time you I know what some of the opposite says. You do not engage one of these things that you'll be looking forward to, besides sexual intercourse, the PC

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touching, talking to each other, getting to know each other.

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This is important. So also, this is important to make sure that when realization finally happens that these bits in the best way possible, when is enough,

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often the hydrant is broken, that they will be sexual enjoyment for the wife as well.

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One of the things we'll talk about later is premature ejaculation.

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So this is something that I'm telling you about my students who came to me the one of the things, I say that because you are going to get married, and this is the first time you're going to have this kind of relationship, this might happen to you. Okay, so he was like, Oh, no, what am I gonna do? I was like,

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okay, it needs to be your wife is a practicing Muslim.

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So for her to experience as well. So if you ejaculate in the first few seconds, then it's something that the two of you, as a couple will work together to improve

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the identity of a user. I hope this is a good analogy.

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These comments,

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I use that energy of john

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the first

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time, okay.

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The second day you

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of the year.

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So think of it like that.

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It might be okay. So don't fear. And this is

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the issue of gentleness is something that you should not fear as well. Okay, reassurance be

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the patient, this is important. Don't put pressure on your spouse that first night. Okay. Because if you are experienced, as we should all be before we depended on you know, the reality is that sometimes we are not, but if we are in experience, then we need to do

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that it's okay, don't worry.

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We'll do this together. We'll talk about the

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limitation. Now obviously, this natural natural lubrication. And it's also you know, scented, lotions and other things that can be used like ky j and other things that can be used with systems especially for the first few few times that a couple engage in sexual intercourse to use no medication and to use extra lubrication just to make sure that it is durable as possible for both parties. But I want to caution as a caution about other things that shouldn't become the norm. Okay, because what ends up happening is that husbands especially will use this as an excuse to full to sort of not

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because they have

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to rely upon the duplication should only be used at the beginning and

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it is one of the teams that will discuss hopefully we have enough time

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in which

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naturals occasional duplication is hampered Okay, so she got denied and this might become this, okay, and also as we get older,

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as well, but we just hit very, this should only be used as, as

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enjoyable as possible.

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Dealing with shyness and inexperience if you achieve if you do everything else that I mentioned. Then you the province

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was described as being more shy than a virgin girl in her video.

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Why? Because a person has never been with a parent before. She doesn't know what to expect. She doesn't

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Nobody's gonna be like, No, you know how the husband will teach them. So it's even more important that the husband comes to deals with his wife in the best way possible. Okay?

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expectations, this is equal. Why? Because

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couples might get married, thinking that the first time, or the first week is gonna be like, you know, x y, Zed, it's gonna be a certain way. And then the first time

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imagine, a husband thinks that the first time is going to be, you know, just amazing. Sexual intercourse three times, you know, it's going to go from from

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this example.

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But then what, what, what, what ends up happening is that he's white pines and painful. And

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that the husband got even, you know,

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the first sight of the wife starts crying, because it's so so painful. And she says, Well, I can't.

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And then the whole life is

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for him for him. Why?

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Because of

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the whole life. And then

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they

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will be

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is, they talk to the author of

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something?

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They say, you know, she, she's having sex often. So, now I need to know. So what do you mean?

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Having 60

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expectations. And if you know what to expect, it

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will be something you can talk to your wife or your husband about. But if you don't deal with

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that first

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way that you will be disappointed, because it doesn't always go that

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communication is important. Why? Because we want to make sure that we are talking about, you know, what? was enjoyable? What isn't enjoyable. What so what's painful, what is it painful? All of these things into being spoken about. You can't manage

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these words and go

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to someone doesn't mean you need them.

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Just because you met someone doesn't mean that you know what they think? Okay, so why can you complain about something your spouse does? What does it do? When you have to communicate

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with us?

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This

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is something you should understand. He should just know, she should just know I mean, you know, it's self explanatory.

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Like always, you don't know but you don't see how disappointed I am.

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Like,

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you should be able to see my face. No.

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We don't work like that. Unless you tell someone something. Don't expect them to just know that there's a problem. And this you know, this rule applies.

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Okay.

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Okay. common problems for me

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is premature ejaculation

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is the inability to get an erection. So this is a big problem for me.

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Okay, especially

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when we

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talk about how to avoid this.

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Number one, if you are just newly married is something to work through and you know to build up.

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Okay, that's something that you will get used to it will become a destination. But if the problem continues for months, then it committed to ca to see a doctor and perhaps it is a

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medical condition.

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Perhaps you assume Dustin is so worried

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So nervous of the first time that

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they get to know each other, you know, it's easy. If the problem continues, again, we should see medical assistance.

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They really know their clinics now that specialize

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in this particular instance, and the fact that their husbands fulfill a sexual need, and then do not make sure that the wife six will be fulfilled. So the husband needs to cancel, and then he's done. Okay, now many couples have complained to me about this

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desire

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to see

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if the wife

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and the husband goals video

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was all about me.

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It's about my desire

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with your wife is about you.

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That you make sure that she stays chaste and Nova gays

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that is a wife and husband, absolutely both

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husband and I, we sell this and I told him, I said, it should be your goal, then your white beaches, old castle before you.

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Mouse is easier How is this achieved by making sure that there is a lot of

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total simulation before

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that is how a husband can maximize his wife's vision and make it more likely that his wife will have an orgasm before he does. Okay. And you know, some

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relationship counselors and marriage counselors they come in, that's a couple's as a as a girl in a sexual relationship should strive to orgasm together.

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And you should get to know your spouse so well, that you should be so into one another's bodies that you should orgasm together.

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I'm not saying that easily.

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But all I'm saying is that that's something to think about. Okay. And I've always felt this this as well, because it seems to be

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the women that you must make it part of your sexual fulfillment, knowing that your wife is beautiful.

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You must make it part of your sexual fulfillment. You're feeling that you know that that was that was good. You know, and that was grade six, knowing that your spouse has enjoyed

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maximum enjoyment from you as well. And this is something that is something that I want to make sure that you are making sure that your spouse is protected from

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complaints.

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We don't have sex often enough.

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That's something that communication can fix. And also what we spoke about earlier about emotional engagement.

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Second thing is my spouse has indicated to me

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either that my husband comes home he wants to have sexual intercourse but he doesn't take a shower.

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And he just wants to have

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sex coviz fear shallow. You know, things like that.

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My wife You know, she when she goes out

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when it comes time for us to be intimate.

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We know that it is absolutely important that the husband and the wife make themselves too beautiful for each other. To look good. Not only for sex, but also other times

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it you know is applied

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you know who is doing good, you know

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that you might find attractive

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you know a lot of brothers in

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the house

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with a broken sweat

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pants that could hold a view a broken socks and just as an example, and you want this to be

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so you'd like your wife to look around your home, looking beautiful but you don't

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know

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Looking like a homeless person,

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like a homeless person.

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Okay, you have to be able to be attractive to your spouse, I want to

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know the importance of healthy eating and physical activity to a healthy sexual relationship. Okay?

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You look good, you look better, right? You have both for men and for women. And it's very important, because we are supposed to help each other.

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If we are overweight, if we you know, don't have a lot of physical energy,

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it makes it difficult for our spouses to look at us and say, Wow,

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what about

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the diet look good, you know,

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cycling, swimming, you know, like Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

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and eat well.

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sexual desires as well, eating a lot of fatty foods, you know, foods, adult bees, and salt. Salt is one of the reasons why. One of the things that leads to

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a lot of salty thinking, Okay, you're gonna get a days

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as you get older brothers 50s and 60s, this is going to have a profound effect.

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Okay, so

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did you know

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and that is something unacceptable in

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this area, the purpose of the law it was

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not to go to our lives like donkeys today, it's what do you say one of the things he said is that don't be like the animal that

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needs

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you to fulfill your spouse's needs as well. And as I said earlier, make one of your goals brothers, that your spouse has sexual enjoyment is your sexual. Okay, that leads us to the end of our workshop. Obviously, there are so many things that we didn't speak about so many other things that needed to be

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needed to be expanded on support.

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We'll have an opportunity to talk about this again in the future. And

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so

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an announcement or some things to discuss with you. And then any questions?

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Okay.

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Okay, what is marriage q&a. Marriage, as you know, was put together by a group of brothers will actually feel that there's a huge need

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to educate guide and counsel for them sisters.

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If I was to tell you that in Malaysia, there's a divorce that takes place every 10 minutes, it probably won't be too much of a surprise. If I told you that almost 70% of those being divorced.

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It kind of raises eyebrows and questions as to what's going on here. Why is this a problem? Why is this happening?

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It's a worldwide phenomenon. So one of the things you want to do

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is not only find my office,

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but also to educate those who manage to get married.

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solution for other sisters who are in trouble.

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If I was to ask you guys, how many people you know who had a divorce in your family or your friends circle? I'm sure that almost every single person here would probably know somebody. And the question really comes down to is what are you going to do about you know, we hear about these things.

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Can we save a marriage? Can we do something to not only look after our marriages but also happen?

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Now, the 14th of February is very cool, because it's celebrated around the world. And

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on the 14th of February, we have a conference for the marriage conference. It's a one day workshop conference in Charlotte to have knowledge educators

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is going to be a conference, which is going to include the sharks around the world, as well as marriage consultants, and advisors. So it's a great day out. And

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we'll be getting more details about the marriage conference in the next couple weeks.

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But between now and then

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the next one is actually on the second of November.

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Okay, so I'm gonna be posting details.

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No details in terms of your name and your

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secretary, that

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information will keep you updated on these workshops, more information on average profits itself. Secondly, is the back door raffle donations now? I'm not sure who that is. Well

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check it

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out.

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Kids.

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Okay, so I think five minutes

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or less now.

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Have any questions?