Why Me #14 Why Were These People Put In My Life

Heartbreak has many faces.

There's the sadness and ache of loss.

There's also the anger and indignation of betrayal.

Why did Allah put such people in your

life?

Does he want you to feel like you've

been crushed to pieces?

Where's the purpose in that?

Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta A'la says, Khudila'afwa

wa murbilar'ulfi

wa aaridhanil jahileem.

Be gracious,

enjoying what is right and turn away from

those who act ignorantly.

When this verse was revealed, the prophet SallAllahu

Alaihi Wasallam asked Jibreel Alayhi Salaam what is

this all about?

And Jibreel Alayhi Salaam said, I won't know

until I ask my Lord. And he returns

to the prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam. And he

said, Verily Allah commands you to reconcile with

those who cut you off,

to give to those who deprive you and

to pardon those who wrong you. Then later,

when Ali radiAllahu ta'ala Anhu receives the sword

of the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam after he

passes away,

he sees engraved in the sword those very

same statements.

Urfwaaman

dalamakwasalmanqataq

wa'hsin ilaaman asa'ilayq

waqulilhaqwaloalanafsikh.

Forgive those who have wronged you,

Reconcile with those who have cut you off.

Show excellence to those who have shown you

evil.

And speak the truth even if it's against

yourself.

Allah in all of His glory and power

inscribed upon His throne, My mercy overcomes my

anger.

And he sent his Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam

wahmatan lil aalameen who inscribes on his sword

an object that's associated with violence

words about mercy.

Being able to swallow anger and resentment and

deal with people with grace despite the pain

of betrayal and hurt is probably the easiest

prophetic quality to admire, but the hardest one

to attain. The forgiveness of Yusuf Alayhi Salaam

towards his brothers, The forgiveness of the Prophet

SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam towards those that persecuted him.

And all these stories of noble people that

dealt with the worst of people.

But this was the standard that Allah held

the best human being after the prophets too.

Abu Bakr as Siddiq radiAllahu ta'ala Anhu. When

a man slanders his own daughter and that

was a man he used to give charity

to, Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta A'la says, walyafu

waryasfahu

alatuhiboona

yakhrullahulakum

Forgive and pardon. Don't you want Allah to

do the same with you?

So while people can be a great blessing,

they can also cause us the most pain.

And Allah knows just how hard it is

to not respond in kind.

Waliman sabarawgafara

inna dalikaraminazmin

umur

Whoever has patience and forgives them, that is

certainly of the matters that requires the greatest

form of determination.

Good character really shows in how you deal

with people with bad character.

Can you withhold yourself from foul language if

someone has pushed all of your buttons?

Can you still work tirelessly, fee sabiillah,

even if you're getting no respect or recognition?

Will you still serve the people even if

they show you no gratitude?

The family you can't stand or coworkers that

seem so evil,

they have all been placed there by Allah's

decree for a reason.

So yes, truly evil people exist in this

ecosystem for a wise purpose.

You don't have to love the tyranny of

the tyrant,

but you know that the resilience within you

was brought out by that tyrant and the

reward will be great.

Even the presence of the Shaytan is an

opportunity for our elevation. So what then of

everybody else?

So with people, you find your higher level

of iman and being able to swallow that

anger.

And even sometimes return the evil with kindness.

And Imam al Qayyim Rahimuhullah he lists many

keys to getting over betrayal or heartbreak.

The first one he says is to realize

that they too are tests, just like the

tests of sickness and famine and drought and

physical pain. And many people are able to

endure those tests because they see them as

tests. But when it comes to being wronged

by others, they don't actually realize that that

pain too was decreed by Allah Subhanahu Wa

Ta'ala as a test.

The second key he says is to choose

patience over revenge.

He says sabr brings about a great reward.

Innamayuafasabiroon

ajr'um

bi ghayi

hisaab. Verily Allah rewards patience without measure. While

He rewards good deeds in accordance with their

good, Allah Azzawajal puts no limit on patience.

And in this world, it brings about inner

peace and contentment

whereas revenge almost always leads to regret and

then maybe even the consequences of your own

transgression in response.

Now that doesn't mean that we tell people

that are being harmed to be patient.

That means we give them justice and then

put them in a position of being able

to show grace. And we encourage them at

that point to choose virtue over vengeance. And

Imam al Qayyim Rahimullah says the third key

is to realize that by showing good to

people who wronged you,

Allah will show you His good despite your

shortcomings and sins. And he quotes this beautiful

poem. He says, minajlika ja'altu khaddi arband

dishamatiwalhasoodihatta

tarumah

That for your sake, O Allah, I put

my cheek to the ground to the one

who insults me and to the one who's

envious,

all so that you can be pleased. SubhanAllah,

it's one form of humility

to prostrate our heads to Allah, but it's

a whole another level to place our cheeks

on the ground figuratively

for the sake of Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta

A'la.

The next key is to achieve salamatul sadr,

to free your heart from grudges in a

way that allows it to make peace with

Allah's decree.

Now sometimes you need to see an example

of that to understand that it's possible,

even if it doesn't seem like it at

the moment.

But talking to others that have gone through

that before and learned how to not only

cope but seek the reward

is a major way to at least believe

that you have that chance sahab.

Because they too had their own friends who

caused them pain but eventually grew them in

piety.

There was once a man who entered a

gathering and the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam said,

this man is a person of Jannah. So

Abdullah ibn 'Am radiAllahu Anhuma he follows him

home to talk to him thinking that he's

going to be some sort of sage who

prays all night and fasts all day. But

as he speaks with him, he realizes that

his station has nothing to do with extra

deeds.

It's because he cleared his heart of all

grudges every night before he slept.

That in and of itself is rewardable,

but it also allowed his heart to be

freed from the distraction of drama,

the weight of a grudge,

and all of the spiritual diseases that are

born out of anger. And then the consumption

with others that doesn't leave room for Allah

Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala in our hearts. The quality

of that person's fajid with a clean heart

is better than an entire night of qiyaam

with a heart full of hate.

Sometimes all you need is time.

Just like you had to learn to wait

for the outcome of a dua,

sometimes you need to wait a bit longer

to let a wound heal before you can

even begin to ponder upon the wisdom of

that wound.

Allah swears by the passing of time, walaastr

And the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam told us

that Allah is ad Dahr, meaning Allah creates

and controls time.

The passage of time with patience can heal

wounds and bring tranquility even to the most

agitated of souls.

And you may even get to a point

where you can tell that story again and

again and feel no pain, just perspective.

There's no getting around the heart work that

you have to do no matter what stage

you're at in your heartbreak.

Reflect on the story of Yusuf Alayhi Salaam

and his brothers.

When do you think he actually decided to

forgive them? Was it when he first saw

them in Egypt after so many years?

Was it when they came back for Ben

Yameen?

Or was his heart pure of all the

barriers for forgiveness so that before he even

met them, he already had that willingness inside

to let go

even if his brothers didn't initially show that

they really changed at all. And that's the

ultimate key.

Unlock your higher self when you witness the

lower selves of others.

Rubbama kuntamusi'an

faaraqalihsanamink

suhbatuka

ilaamanhuwa

aswaahala

minq. You might be in a bad state,

then you're associating with 1 who is worse

than you, makes you see virtue in yourself.

Otherwise, the heartbreak can turn into resentment,

and resentment can turn into anger,

and anger can make us do things that

we regret for the rest of our lives

and maybe even our afterlives.

Ar radiAllahu ta'ala Anhu said about anger, awwalujunoon

waakhiruhunadam

Its beginning is insanity

and its end is regret.

There's a reason the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam

said to stay silent or to make wudu

or to seek refuge in Allah when that

anger starts to consume you. Because rage is

from the shaytan

and shaytan is from fire

and can lead a person to burn themselves

to a place of tranquility and inner peace.

to a place of tranquility and inner peace.