Concerns Around Parenting – Ramadan 2022
Channel: Mufti Menk
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Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim we commence in the name of Allah Almighty, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Alhamdulillah I'm really thankful to Allah Almighty for allowing me to participate in this beautiful event during this month of Ramadan. And inshallah I will be speaking a little bit about parenting and the importance of taking care of our children as well as parents and broader family members. You know, that Allah Almighty has created us from Adam May peace be upon him. Adam Alayhis Salam was created from soil from dust mixed with water, and then given shape and Allah subhanho wa Taala said Be and he was then Allah Almighty created Eve or Hawa according to the narrations from Adam Alayhis Salam. So once the two of them were created in a unique way,
then Allah Almighty decided that reproduction will be in a way where you have a mother and the father and you will have children and they will reproduce by means of giving birth. And Allah kept a special connection between parents and children. It is a unique natural connection to begin with, inspired by Allah subhanho wa Taala as much as we call things natural. Remember nature is something that was created by Allah Almighty in the first place. So for us, we may say something is natural, but in actual fact, for Allah it was designed by him it was planned by him it was intended by him. Imagine if there was no connection between parents and children, like some creatures of Allah
subhanho wa Taala How would children survive? They need someone from the very beginning to take care of them because that's the plan of Allah he wanted it that way. So there are people who have children with ease and others do not have children with that much of ease and some may never have children. Allah Almighty mentions this in the Quran. Leave him only because
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wire Jai Lumi Aisha Joaquim. Allahu Akbar, Allah says, To Him belongs the heavens and the earth of the skies and the earth.
He creates what he wishes how he wishes, he gives whomsoever He wishes, female children only, and he gives those whom he wishes male children only.
And he gives some
no children. He doesn't give them children. In other words, yeah, gentlemen, Yasha Kaman. They are barren. They don't have children, or for whatever reason. Or he actually grants both male and female to some. That is Allah. That is Allah Almighty, He decides. So people would like to have children Masha, Allah Tabarrok Allah. But it is a very big responsibility. It is a gift of Allah asked those who don't have children, they are praying, they are making dua, oh Allah bless us with children, and so on. Ask those who don't have children how desperately they want to have children, then the others who just have children, it's by the way, they don't even consider it a gift at times, and they are
not even bothered. It is a challenge. It's easy to say I'd like to be a mother or a father, have those children and see how difficult it is to read them. You have to change their nappies. From what? From the excretion. You have to clean them, you have to bathe them, you have to feed them from the very beginning. It is a huge challenge. That's why the reward of parents is great, the mother more so than the father.
My brothers, my sisters, Why did Allah keep it such that we have to take care of these children and if we don't, they won't even survive? Because Allah Almighty wants the link. And Allah Almighty wants there to be a connection such that when you grow older, they should take care of you. Subhan Allah Subhanallah it's amazing. And that's why the DUA that is taught for us to make for our parents is Rob Burnham, Houma Kamara Bayani Surya, oh Allah have mercy on them, because they are the ones who brought me up when I was little Subhanallah SubhanAllah. So you always remember the favor they
bestowed upon you, or that Allah bestowed upon you by giving them that strength, and they did it for you Subhanallah they did it for you. So do it for them when they are older, however, my brothers, my sisters, as you have these children, you need to bear in mind something amazing. But it is your duty to give a good name to the child, not a name that sounds nice, only but a name that has a good meaning reasonable decent meaning something that will
identify them as being Muslim, something that will identify them as being
from a good family from a good lineage. It has good meaning Subhanallah so when they have this identity of a Muslim from the name, they automatically know where they belong from a very early age and that's why the prophets Allah Allah Allah Salam tells us Mohammed Mahmoud in in LA EULA do Allah Fedora Tifa who you are with Annie, oh, Jana Serani. Here we go. Maji Sunni. Every child that is born is born upon nature that Allah has created them upon FITARA to Allah He Letty Fatah, NASA Alia that nature is the nature that Allah has created them upon. What is the nature referring to here it is the connection with the maker. The ability to identify to distinguish at a certain point as they
grow older, and they realized, you know what? The uncontaminated mind of the child automatically inclines towards the belief that there is a deity supreme maker who made me that's what it is, and I owe my worship to that deity alone. That's the fitrah of Allah, that He created us upon. Now, as the child grows older, the parents then contaminate the brain with what with their own ideas, with their way of speech with their way of talking with their beliefs, which is very important with whatever they wish, sometimes educating them in a certain way, getting them accustomed to certain things, they learn languages from you and so on. That's the plan of Allah. When you got your phone, it was
empty. You are the one who downloaded all the applications. When you got your computer, it was empty, you are the one who downloaded everything on there. That's amazing. So you look at Allah and the gift of Allah, you will realize and understand that he's given you something empty, ready to receive. You need to fill it with the best, my beloved fathers out there, speak in the correct way. Be respectful your character, your conduct, be dutiful and to Allah, your children will watch you even if you don't say much, and teach them because you are responsible. Allah will ask you about your children. Allah will ask you about those whom He bestowed upon you. You call them my children,
but they were actually the worshipers of Allah, the creatures of Allah, we are all belonging to Allah Almighty.
The same applies to mothers from a very early age, what's your language, make sure that you teach them good words Allah and so on, rather than immoral items, you know, immoral lyrics, immoral, whatever else it may be, immoral dresscode this distance from Allah those type of things are negative. We must instill in them positivity, goodness, culture, we instill in them good character conduct, how to respect the elderly, how to serve people community, how to understand you are one in a few billion on earth. You need to teach them that you are not. You know, you are not the only person on earth. There are so many others teach them how if they were to serve others, Allah will
grant them goodness teach them the narrations of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him as they grow older, choose good schools for them, good environment for them, good neighbors for them. You need to choose good neighbors as well for your children. Because if you haven't chosen good neighbors, how do you expect them to grow without contamination when the people all around them are contaminated with the worst things? So teach them how to reach out teach them about saving lives, the importance of life, the importance of other people teach them how to solve problems, teach them how important it is to resolve matters not to become violent. This is the parenting. That is a requirement that
Allah has placed on our shoulders, my beloved fathers and mothers. Take a look after your children meaning look after them in the best possible way. Make sure that you understand and realize teach them revelation mean from an early age we are worried more about let's educate them. Let's let's give them a fine education. Choose the best Cambridge Oxford colleges whatever it may be. Give them fine university that's not wrong. But did you start with the more important thing because your child might never live beyond the age of 50
Dean, who knows. So all the secular stuff that you taught them, it did not yet come handy. And guess what they already returned to Allah. You know what, you are a successful parent when you've instilled in your child the importance of a connection with their maker, and the importance of the connection with the rest of the creatures of the same maker subpanel, then you're a successful parent. But if you've given them all the education secularly of the globe, but they don't have a connection with Allah, and they don't respect other human beings, and they don't have the character and conduct of a Muslim, that lofty morals and values. What was the point of having all these
children, letting them grow like wild grass? What was the point? It's important for us to realize the duty that Allah has placed on our shoulders. Your value as a parent is only because you are fulfilling what Allah has told you. If you don't, you don't have value as a parent. In all honesty, people say my parents will will if by serving them, I will be granted entry into Jannah. Yes, that is a verse of the Quran. In fact, that is a Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, and the verses of the Quran have encouraged us to speak to our parents with respect. But what if the parents themselves are far away from ALLAH asking us to do that which is wrong? They themselves have bad
habits. They themselves don't bother about the relationship with Allah subhanho wa taala. What do you want thereafter?
Those type of parents we need to protect ourselves from we will not obey them in the disobedience of Allah Allah, Allah Lima fluke, infamous Seattle Halleck there is no obedience to the creation in the disobedience of the Creator Himself. Remember that? So my brothers, my sisters, today we see lots of children out there. They lack manners. They don't know why they're there. They're filled with greed, selfishness. I'd like to believe somewhere somehow we have gone wrong. We as an ummah, need to go back to the drawing board and take from where the plans were drawn. The Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu sallam. Look at how they built their men. They created amazing human
beings. They created people who are successful businessmen, but they were Muslim before everything.
The first they were Muslims. They were upright. They had brilliant character, they cared for others. Sometimes people amass wealth but they're not charitable. What was the point of amassing all of that wealth? When Allah is in the equation he says, a chemo salata to zakat. Have you ever thought of that that verse, how many times it is repeated? Have you ever thought of why you pray that for yourself or to Zika you give what Allah gave you give it away to the others because they are creatures of Allah, whom Allah did not give as much as you. That's the connection. One is how cocola the other is hope or labor. Have you thought of it? A team of Salah Dawa, to zakat they to come
together, you look after your relationship with Allah and look after your relationship with others, the underprivileged, the downtrodden, those who don't have as much as you do, learn to respect them, because akimbo salata is Allah, we respect Allah to zakat at the poor people, a different type of respect for them, without them, we would not be able to fulfill our two zakah, we won't be able to give charities to the poor. So this type of teaching comes from the parents, give your children money at a young age, if you can, a little bit of pocket money or whatever, and teach them that from that put a little aside, in the little kitty or in the charities box. The donation box, put a little
if you have for example, $5 tell them $1 Put it in there, give the poor Allah will give you more and after some time, give them a little bit more from what Allah has given you. This is how you instill in them, the feeling for others, help others go out educate them in a beautiful way secular education is very important, but we commence with beautiful Islamic knowledge. Who is Allah? Why should we worship him? What are the characteristics I'm supposed to be having as a Muslim? What is halal? What is haram? How sacred is the life of another human being? That is important. We see people on the streets, people draw guns and want to shoot at each other people committing crime and
murder. They are supposed to be children of the Muslims. How could this happen? Little kids?
There is no merit in having children. If you're not going to look after them. People don't realize this. May Allah Almighty protect us? My brothers, my sisters?
Yes, we are facing many crises. And as much as we do have a lot of hope. We need to speak about the reality on the ground as well. Subhanallah sometimes it is so appalling to see people who are the children of Muslims. Where have they gone astray? We did not keep them close enough. We didn't communicate to them good communication is essential for a healthy family a healthy community
Without communication, you will not have a healthy family unit or a healthy community, talk to each other. Make it easy. Don't let there be a cat and mouse relationship. Let there be a beautiful, loving, fatherly motherly relationship where we can talk to each other, we can guide each other, we don't have to scream and yell or we don't have to fear speaking the truth. Because if we are dealt with in the correct way, we will love and enjoy speaking about our mistakes, because we know we will be corrected in a beautiful way, when we correct them. Very harsh, they will hide their mistake from us and continue to commit the error because they will not correct it. No one corrected it for them,
you didn't get the opportunity to correct your own children, you didn't spend enough time with them, to empower them, to teach them to give them the feeling of belonging. When you have a father in the home and the mother in the home, telling the children how beautiful they are. They don't need validation from anyone else. When you have the father and the mother of the home telling the children how lovely they are, how intelligent they are, how beautiful they are, how much they are loved by them, they don't need validation from everyone else. The problem is, we don't spend time with them. We don't tell them how much we love them how much we care for them. We don't bother, we
call everyone else when we are traveling. We don't call our own children. We don't call our family members when the children see the beautiful relation between mother and father. It helps them It empowers them, it gives boosts their confidence, it really does so at least show that good relationship between mother and father to the children to empower them. Allah blessed kids with a mother and a father. So these children need to see that relationship. Yes, we do know there are orphans out there. And we do know there are people out there who have really really
struggled in their infancy and beyond. We will reach out to them as community, we must take out from our wealth and put them into the systems of education Islamic as well as secular, we must do that if we don't. The negative effect of that will come back to us to haunt us in all honesty. When Allah says an hour careful when Allah says in the beautiful lips of the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. The teaching is from Allah, the statement is of the Prophet he says an hour Kefalonia Timika in in Jana, myself and the one who takes care of an orphan child will be like this in paradise. Don't take that lightly. That is a serious statement. He would never say that, unless it was very, very
important. And it's difficult. It's not easy to look after an orphan child that doesn't belong to you. It's not easy to look after orphans and widows and whoever else in society is downtrodden and the underprivileged, the reward is tremendous. If you do not take care of them,
then the damage is equally severe. When I say equally severe, when the reward of taking care of them is so high, then the sin of abandoning them will also be so extreme. Remember that don't abandon these children are our children. They no matter which city or town they are. You see them on the streets, these little
street street kids as they call them, or should I say you know, the underprivileged who don't have a home. They are our children. They are the children of Adam. My forefathers your forefathers meet up somewhere. Those are our kids if we are not going to care for them and provide for them shoes and clothing and accommodation and whatever else it may be and food. I promise you you will have robberies you will have people who don't have any culture you will have people who are unlettered, meaning they know nothing Subhan Allah, may Allah protect us, you have people who are criminals at times, because they had nowhere else to go. They have no income, they have no education. They
haven't. They don't even work. They don't know how to work. No one's taught them no one's spoken to them, no one's empowered them. This is what we say when we say we must educate not just our children, but the children of the society and community, the underprivileged create funds of scholarships, not only for the intelligent even for those who are not so intelligent. You know, one of the mistakes the scholarship funds make, they only give scholarships to those who are extremely intelligent, so the rest of them lose out.
How many doctors are there out in the market that were not the most the brightest of children, but they became later on? The most successful of surgeons think about that. It's foolish to only provide for those who are intelligent, when Allah knows the wealthiest from amongst us were not very bright at school, in most cases, in all honesty, had they not had the wealth they probably would have been abandoned by society. But if you have got the wealth Subhanallah and you know that you were not that intelligent at school, can't you provide for some
No one else the children of others. Look at how we're speaking about parenting but we want to talk about our children. That's where we got to community and society to say please provide for them, please look after them, please make sure that they are taken care of. And in this way, Allah will take care of your own children Subhanallah Subhanallah you know, I want to end on a note my father was once asked
by someone on a radio station many years ago that you know, Allah has blessed you with children and mashallah they are pretty successful in the deen and in the dunya, and so on.
How did you manage this give us from you know, your page, a page from your book. He said, That was ALLAH, I was busy taking care of the children of the underprivileged and Allah took care of my children, which is true, because my father Subhan, Allah has established institutions solely and exclusively for the underprivileged in Zimbabwe, and SubhanAllah. They are 1000s of young boys and girls, and even older people, people older than myself, because it started before I was born. And subhanAllah there are 1000s of them who have benefited and they have benefited others and the others have benefited others. And there is Allah, Allah takes care of your children, you take care of the
children of others. Are you ready? Some of us don't even take care of our own children. We're not even bothered about anything. It's just about me, my business, my pride. It's I need to do what I want. Many of us have bad habits which we need to work on. How are we going to disseminate goodness when we don't have that goodness in us? So develop yourself my father's my mothers who are out there, get some goodness, get a link with Allah, the world is bleeding at the moment, we need a lot of solutions. Those solutions only lie in what Allah and His Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam have taught us May Allah Almighty bless every one of us, once again shukran for this opportunity to
share a few of these beautiful words in this month of Ramadan. For your information, I'm actually seated in Al Madina, Munawwara And subhanAllah I'm busy speaking to you by the virtue of Allah I thanks to the organizers. And thanks to all of those who made this happen. I won't mention them by name but Subhanallah I really do our goes out to them and to all of you who have benefited from this May Allah grant myself the ability to rectify my own weaknesses, and to be there not just for my children but for the Ummah and all of us to in our own unique ways. In this way, we will see goodness in society's communities in our nations Akula kolayca wa sallahu wa salam, ala Obara,
Kerala and Vietnam.