Social Justice – Episode 26 – The Sin of Favoritism

Omar Suleiman


Channel: Omar Suleiman


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Hadith #26 – The Sin of Favoritism | 40 Hadiths on Social Justice


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The speakers discuss the dynamic between parents and children, emphasizing the importance of not giving gifts and not being treated the same way as children are treated. They also discuss the use of words to describe children and the importance of parenting and not giving children too much attention. The speakers stress the importance of justice and natural and organic factors in treating children, including birthdays and gifts. They also touch on the use of shiny words in religion to indicate a preference for women over men and how it is often stated in textbooks.

Transcript ©

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come around to like about a council.

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American Mr. Heyman hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala rasulillah him carrying on early, he was happy to sell him to Seaman kathira. So we are in Hadith number 26. Right, at least number 26. Last week we spoke about the justice that exists between in the dynamics between parents and children in regards to the love and the admiration that's to be shown towards the parents and the obedience that's to be shown towards the parents, without sacrificing the Justice that's owed to the children. And obviously, you know, that's a balance that's very hard to strike. But it's not impossible. And so it's something that the Prophet sallallahu wasallam, frequently spoke about, it's

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something that's frequently mentioned in the Quran, this unconditional love and obedience that you have towards the parents. Now, as I said, the next few lectures, what we're going to do is we're going to focus on the family dynamics, because family is part of the entire discussion of social justice, because you cannot be just with those on the outside of your home would be a tyrant within. And there are many ahaadeeth in regards to this to this dynamic. And what I wanted to focus on today was the sin of favoritism. So treating one of your children in preferential preferential fashion, giving, you know, for whatever reason that may be so either differentiating based on just the first

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child versus the second child, or boys versus girls, or whatever it may be, and how that really plays out in different ways. And if you don't have children, then this still will benefit you and shallots, Allah. And this isn't meant to be something for you to go back and call your parents up and be like, you never gave me this. And, you know, the shift said, you're going to hell tonight I didn't. I'm not saying that about anybody. This is a very complicated discussion. And we take from the beneficial lessons from our Prophet peace be upon him in regards to all of these different dynamics that are found in these relationships. So we'll start off with a hadith. It's a hadith

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that's narrated by an amount of Bashir on the outside, so not a member. See, he says that my father wanted to give me a gift. But my mother in law, she stepped in, and she said that she would not agree to him giving me that gift, unless the Prophet peace be upon him. sallallahu alayhi wa sallam witnessed it, meaning he approved of it. So he went to the Prophet sallallahu. And he was some of the father of the machine. And he said to him, he said, Listen, I have a gift that I was going to give my my son, but at the same time, my wife or Amara objected to that gift, unless you were made witness to it. And the messenger sallallahu wasallam responded, and he said, Have you given to or

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actually in one narration, he said, Do you have any other children? And he said, Yes. And he said, Have you given them the light of what you have given him? Are you giving to your other children the like, of what you are giving him and the father of an animal machine responded in the negative? So the Prophet sallallahu wasallam says fat sokola so be mindful of your Lord, what are the lubaina are logical and be just with your children. And he said in one in some of the narrations, he says fella to Sydney even for in Neela shadow Allah joke, prophets lie Some said do not make me a witness to your giving this gift them because I do not bear witness to oppression or to injustice, as those are

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really strong words for the profit slice and I'm to refuse to witness a father giving his child the gift. Because he said you have failed to do the same with your other children. Speaking of children, whoever's got the children in the back and shall that's how you can do justice by bringing them all out from the back so that they're not behind me inshallah.

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So the prophets lie Selim said, do not have preferential treatment in regards to how you give gifts. And it was even a problem to give a gift to only one child. So if you're going to give a gift to one child, you need to make sure that other children are receiving something like it, he didn't say the exact same thing. So it's not like if you're buying, you know, a gift for a girl that's specific to a girl, you need to buy the exact same thing for your son, if you have, you know, a girl and a boy. But something like it something that is similar to it, in its in its value, something that's similar to it in, you know, in regards to the enjoyment that a child would find from it. And this is a

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narration that comes in many different forms. The particular one that I just mentioned, is in a Bahati. There's in the Muslim Imam Ahmed, for example, the prophets lie Selim said three times are a little vain about ecom and a little banged up now compared to being up not equal. Be just with your children. Be just with your children. Be just with your children. In a tumble Ronnie the profit slice of themselves.

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Similar things. And in fact, he says, obey no logical be just with your children in the same way that you would want them to be just with you. So be just with your children in the same way that you would want them to be just with you. So honor your children in the same way that you'd like to be honoured by them. That's a very beautiful way of the profits license to put it is usually when you think about those narrations treat people as you would like to be treated. You don't think about that in this, you know, in regards to the those that are inferior in regards to the dynamics of the family, but the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is saying that in the same way you'd want to be

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treated, you should to treat your children. And a lot of times, by the way, you know, abusive, abused children turn out to be abusive parents, and that and that cycle simply never ends. So the prophets lie Selim is applying a principle that we usually speak of in regards to our outside relations, to the way that we deal with one another within our within our families. And this this hadith has so many different variations and additions, none of them contradicting one another, but more context that's given in some of the longer narrations that remember Nyssa T. Rahim Allah tala actually has a chapter on all of the variations of this particular Hadith, the hubbub the narration

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of a normal random number seed, or the Allahu taala. And so how do we apply this in different forms? All right, or what are the what are the practical manifestations of this? The scholars say that this is not simply referring to how you distribute gifts or what you give to your children financially. But they said this even applies in sort of haven Tukwila even in the way that you welcome your children even in the way that you emotionally give to your children. And Ibrahim in a hurry, Rahim Allah tada the shape of hon hottie, the teacher of edible hottie, he said that the companions used to encourage justice amongst the children, even in proportion of kisses, even in the way that you

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would kiss your children

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and not give anyone more food than the others except for some sort of reason that's been specified. So even in regards to kisses and emotional well being the the companions of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam, would pay attention to that. Now that's a major shift in the culture, of the companions of the Prophet slice. And why because we know this very famous narration. One time the Prophet sly son was playing with his kids. And he started to kiss them. He was playing with Hassan Hussein, his grandkids and he and he kissed them. So Allah harvest them and there was a man that's that looks that looks at the profits, it sounds like you kiss your kids. Like, that's weird. Why do you kiss

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your kids? He said, I have 10 of them. And I've never kissed any of them. I've got 10 kids, and I've never kissed any of them. And the prophets lie. Some said, What can I do with a man who has no mercy in his heart that that's a natural, loving feeling that used to be that used to be looked down upon amongst the Arabs, and the profit slice on them is saying, No, that's something that you should express publicly. So the companions now are so tuned into the dynamics of justice in their lives, that they're paying attention to how how much they kiss their kids, and if they're distributing those kisses equally. And yes, you know, that even if your kid doesn't like to be kissed, or like,

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puts their face away, like mom, dad stop, you got to make them. You got to make them enjoy it. And so you've got to make sure that you maintain that loving relationship between all of your kids as much as you can. There are other narrations that are that are very beautiful and this one I absolutely love to be honest with you. I've never heard of this narration until today, it's a hadith that's mersa. Very bad has some of the Allahu taala and, and it has and describes this, this incident with the prophets lie Selim. He says the vino model sudo la he sallallahu wasallam you had the Thor's hammer, while the Prophet peace be upon him was speaking to his companions or teaching

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his companions. He said some of Lahore and he was Selim is a Serbian Hatton de la v. He said a young boy walked in and walked up to his father. So he said that the prophet SAW Allah harmony with her he said that this companion unless

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he, you know, he wiped the head of his child or he caressed the hair of his of his son will occur under who Allah He and then he sat him down on his lap. So far, this is good. Right so far, this is a positive thing. He says. But let me think and Ilan

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said that some time passed.

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That a young girl came to him meaning his daughter came to him as well. So he said semester hello to her, but apparently her will out.

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They said that he wiped her hair, you know, he can rest your hair. It wasn't a totally

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loving father to his daughter, but then he sat down on the ground. So the son sitting on his right side, on his lap, and his daughter sitting on the floor, even though he greeted them both, but he didn't greet them equally. So the prophets lie Selim, you know, in while he's speaking, he says sallallahu wasallam for Allah Allah practical. Why don't you put her on your Don't you have another side to give? Why don't you put her on the other side of your lap. So it hasn't says for him, Allah, Allah, Fatima Hill, Oprah. And then he put her on his on the other side of his lap. And the prophets lysozyme said, and I don't now you've shown justice. Now you've been fair to your kids, being the

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Prophet peace be upon him is paying attention even to something as small as that and teaching his companions that don't even put one of them on your lap and the other one on the ground, try to fit them both, if you can. And this is something profits by selling himself used to do. Now we know that it hasn't and Al Hussein were the two beloved ones of the Prophet peace be part of those were his grandkids. And they're the two beloved ones of the profits by seller. But there is another grandson in the sense of Osama bin Zayed, the son of the adopted son of the profits license, even though Allah subhanho wa Taala

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made it so that his name would be Zaid inheritance instead of a double Mohammed. And that that that lineage would be preserved. The prophets lie some still treated with some of the exact same way. So he said that when the Prophet sallallahu wasallam used to see me, he put me on one of his thighs, and then he put a lesson on the other one of his thighs, and then he embraced us, and he said, a lot more hamdulillah for me, or hemangioma, Oh Allah, be merciful to them as I am merciful to them, meaning love them like I love these two and the Prophet sly someone embrace his kids. And he would make sure to show them that equal treatment, not favoring and hessen over Osama in any of those

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contexts, or making any one of them feel like they're less loved the Prophet sly some recognize that any paid attention to that in every in every way. And this is and this is something that scholars comment on that it might be that there is a natural love or attachment to one of your kids. You vibe, if you have more than one kid you vibe better with one of your kids and you naturally feel that attachments. Usually it's you know, if there's a if there's a girl that's closer to the dad or a boy that's closer to the mom, those dynamics are really funny sometimes or even if they're all girls and they're the dynamics are funny sometimes where you might have an attachment to one of your

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kids over the other. There might just be a better relationship for whatever reason, and that even the most righteous of people had that happen to them where sometimes they felt more attached to some of their kids than others. But that's something that's in the heart and that's not something that would translate into injustice. So it's narrated about Omar bin Abdulaziz Rahim Allah to Allah,

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that he had one particular son that he really really loved, that he really really loved. And I would have been added as he's had many children. So this particular son was very beloved to him. So one day he said to him, yeah, Fulani Allah in nido Handbook, he said, you know, oh, so and so they don't actually mention the name of the Son in the narration. So what you know, he's saying to his son, you know, that I love you, when a Stokely or an eau de through Kerala, he could be lookman or an OC Roca, sorry, and I am not Kate is not possible for me to prefer you over one of your brothers buy even a bite of food with even a look that I can that I cannot let that translate into me giving you

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anything more than your brother, even if it's simply a bite of food. So it plays out in that regard as well. And you know, the even the greatest of people had those attachments, but at the same time, they made sure to pay attention and to not let that lead to injustice email, Rahim Allah discussed this in the books of fifth, he stated that if a person has more than one daughter and he gives one, a certain amount of jewelry at her wedding, than an equal amount has to be given to her sisters or to her sister at her wedding. So you have to you have to pay attention to that as well. Now, are there exceptions to this? Are there times that you're going to give more to one child than the

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other? And is that ever permissible? Yes or no?

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What are some examples?

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No even if you're if you want to give something to your child on their birthday, give something to the to your bread to the brother or sister anyway. I'm not getting into the birthdays discussion as a whole. I'm just saying that even even on a birthday, you got to give both. You got to give both kids the same amount.

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What's up

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inheritance. So

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a worker will unset the Son and the daughter okay and sometimes the daughter more than the son

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Some of those equations, so sometimes the equations of inheritance would work out in a way that some children take more than others. What else?

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Okay, so you live far away. So when your parents see you, they bring suitcases of stuff. But with your siblings that are around them, they're not as generous.

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around the year, that's, that's natural, obviously, when someone's abroad. So scholars mentioned things like one child being sick. So if a child is sick, or they mentioned that one child is unemployed, or has financial difficulties or circumstances, or they mentioned, a lot of one child is away and distance. So when you see them, there's that intense gift giving, as opposed to the children that are around that are, you know, that are seeing frequently or one shot, you know, I found this really interesting, we talk about financial responsibility, when you look in the books of the scholars would allow, for example, to give more to one child, if one of if one of the children

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is irresponsible or extravagant in their spending, so to not deprive them in a way that you would hurt them. But at the same time, you're also trying to teach your children responsibility. So to give, you know, to make sure that you don't give, you know, an irresponsible spender, the same amount of money sometimes. So there are different things that come with that also varying ages and phases in life, you know, some people have kids that are 20 years older than, than their siblings. So obviously, there's going to be a difference. It's not like if you're giving your two year old something at the, you know, you got to give your 22 year old the exact same thing. But these are

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things to genuinely take it to generally take into consideration that we don't fall into, you know, this favoritism and differential parenting, it's really interesting, if you look up, there's a 2013 study from the University of Toronto, they studied 400 families, and the effects of favoritism. And one of the things that's, that's really interesting, and I'm not going to go through that study, you could read it online. But one of the things that's really emphasized is that favoritism doesn't just affect the neglected child, but it actually has deep psychological ramifications for everybody in the family. It actually ruins everything in the house. So it's, you know, it has implications on the

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children when they become adults. It has implications on the parents themselves, that favoritism is not just a crime, or a problem for the child. That's not getting the equal amount of attention not getting equal amount of emotional support, not getting that equal amount of love. And even the sort of goes now into something that's that's pointed out within the Koran, even in situations where a parent does not show favoritism, envy can develop between the children that could have major harmful effects going forward. What's the greatest example of that? iacobelli Islam Jacob with his children, right? Yeah. Cool. with use of, and the brothers of uses. Okay. yaku and his children? Was Jacobabad

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father to the other children?

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Um, I mean, you guys should answer this pretty quickly. It's the Prophet of Allah. Was he bad to his other children? No, did he? Did he show favoritism or preference to use of it cetera? No, he didn't.

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He did not. It's not like he would tell the other brothers. Why can't you be more like useless?

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Right? It's not like he would do that. That's like the worst thing that you could do to your kids. By the way, I don't know why people think that's a good idea and parenting to constantly shove one child's accomplishments in the face of why can't you be more like your brother? Why can't you be more like your sister that's not gonna make them want to aspire to be like their brother or their sister. It'll make them hate their brother or their sister and resent you and feel like you know what your standards are impossible. Forget about you and your standards. That's not smart to do with our kids. It's not something that we find from the profit slice I never did. When the profit slice

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I'm caught NLRB Allahu anhu. slacking off instead of doing what the prophets lysozyme sent him to do. He didn't go up to him and say, you know, it hasn't ever seen, never fall short on an errand that I give them.

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That's not he never told Fatima about Xena. I mean, none of these things are narrated, never wants to see the profit slice alum showing that preference, or putting down one child in the name of praising the other. But did the profit slice on him have a special attachment to one of his children?

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Ultimately, Alon.

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It's there. But he did not favor her in action. He was still just to his kids. But the heart of the prophets lie Selim wasn't faulting all of the love on her she is you know, she resembled the prophets license She was the daughter of the devil the law and she had a special place with the profit slice. I'm there's no doubt but you never put down one child in the name of praising another child. All right.

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So then someone might say well with your son's look what happens he didn't praise. In fact, he told us the value someone use have had the dream. He told the use of latok sosnowiec Allah What's it don't tell your dream to your brothers for your key dude. Okay, that they might plot against you.

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They ended up plotting against him anyway. Right.

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And I remember the moment everything you know him well, let's I was saying something that was really, I thought it was beautiful. He said it sort of as a side note on this item, but I loved it. He said that, you know, had yaku or had use have told his brothers about the dream, they wouldn't have agreed to throw them in the wall in the first place, they would have said, Let's finish them off, they would have killed them right away. So the fact that use have heeded the advice of his father and yaku did not show that favoritism, but they still envied him, and they threw him in the bottom of the well, you know, actually saved his life, it actually did translate into saving his

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life. And obviously, we know what happens after that. So these things might arise and the shape on doesn't need any help and creating envy between siblings or distancing between brothers and sisters. So when you're when you're dealing with your children, don't, don't pour gasoline on those on those flames that are already present, sometimes between children because that competitiveness is natural. So don't play it because it might have a short term benefit. But in the long term, it will distance your children from you and it will distance your children from each other. So it's not from the guidance of the prophets lie Selim to do that, and then you know, to to a hadith and then I'll go

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into one more form preference.

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You never find the Prophet slicin. I'm talking about wholesome justice and the reward of a person who is just in a wholesome sense, without mentioning the family. So the Hadith in Sahih, Muslim with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says in an ox Athena in de la lmnop, Rama nor, Amina Azerbaijan, that that Verily, the dispensers of justice will be seated on pulpits of light beside the loss of Hannah Montana on the right side of the Most Merciful and the prophets lie some mentions who these people are. He mentioned solahart he was selling alladhina de Luna, he hooked me him What led him that those who are just with those who have been placed under their under their care, or

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just in their rulings and with their families. They specifies they show justice with their families. The profit slice I'm also mentioned the person who dies will who are harsh on the reality and he is dishonest or cheats his flock.

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he cheats his flock. Remember the Prophet sly sunset cola camera and we'll Coloma sooner komatsuna at one of the first narrations we covered in the series, all of you are shepherds. And all of you will be answerable to a lot about your flock. Your first flock is your family. Right? So the Prophet sly seldom mentioned a person who dies. Well, you know, he cheated his flock, meaning he was dishonest with his flock or he deprived his flock or didn't do what he should have when his flock harmala Holly Hill gentlemen, the profit slice and I mentioned that Paradise is forbidden from a person such as that. So it's something that it's important when we're talking about justice to those

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on the outside of the house. Obviously justice amongst the children, blasphemer preference I'll talk about is the preference with gender

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preference if Allah subhana wa tada has given you boys to show preference to boys in wanting sons or daughters. Obviously, this was something prevalent in the culture that the Prophet sallallahu wasallam dealt with. And the Prophet slicin mentioned frequently. That's why you find so many a hadith about the rewards of raising daughters in particular. I mean, he's combating a an extremely ignorant culture, a culture that shows extreme favoritism to voice to the point of killing their daughters. So all of these are Hadith the Prophet slice I mentioned the one who's given daughters and behaves with goodness towards them and treats them well will be they will serve as a protection

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for him on the day of judgment or he mentioned so I said I'm the one who takes care of three daughters and excels in his treatment of them will be guaranteed paradise the Hadith and Buddhahood back the Hadith of the Prophet slicin where he mentioned and you know I've heard some people say there is no reward like the reward for taking care of an orphan right meaning that the you know the the profit sighs I'm sad I am the one who takes care of the orphan or like these two fingers.

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Just nod your head yes, act like you've you've heard it right. You've all heard it. Obviously. The prophets lie Selim said that no one is given a daughter and raises them Well, except that he will be like this with me on the Day of Judgment. So the Hadith of the reward of taking care of an orphan also applies to taking

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have a daughter, because the Prophet slicin was pushing back on these things and that's why Salah had mentioned that Imam Ahmed Rahim Allah used to say that prophets were the fathers of girls. The prophets were the fathers of girls. Jacobi moombahton. He says that I had seven daughters and every time a daughter was born to me, managment Rahim Allah would come to me and say, Oh, I will use if the prophets were the fathers of girls, they were the fathers of daughters. And he would remind me of that, of that blessing. And there's a there's the iron swords, the Shura, which is the 49th.

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were lost hundreds Allah mentions the law who learn when the law he will cause somehow it will help you have local nyesha to Allah belongs to the heavens in the earth, He creates what He wills. And then he mentioned Subhana Allah to Allah, that He gives Yahoo or Yahoo that he gives to those Nemanja shot to those that he wills and he mentioned he Natha he mentions girls and then he mentioned that he mentioned Xia Hubbell, that Allah subhanaw taala gives the court that he that he gives to whom He wills sons. So when he mentions what he's gifting are what he gives, he mentions daughters, and then he mentioned sons. And that's not something that was lost on the, on the Mufasa

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lien on the scars of Tafseer.

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So for example, you'll find worth Isla escar worth 11, Alaska, who mentioned that it's from the blessings of a woman that gives birth to a female before male because a lot began with them. First, you find a narration

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or you find a long statement from Abraham, Allah, where he talks about this particular area. And he says, Why did Allah subhanaw taala mention girls before boys, that Allah subhanaw taala would would gift girls, and he would give boys. And so he gave different reasons that this could be in the ayah. He says, first and foremost,

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that he began with the mention of of girls. And some of the scholars said that that was to console, the girls that were mistreated, or, or whose status was perceived as inferior. We mentioned the first one that that was first and foremost to girls themselves that were put down, and whose status was looked at as less than

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less than boys and that society. And he said it's also that Allah subhanho wa Taala mentions lumenier Sha, that he is the one who wills because the context of the discussion is that this is not the parents will this is a laws will a lot chooses who he gives girls to a lot chooses who he gives voice to and allows parents I knows what he's doing. And so he also mentioned that in another view, he said that Allah subhanho wa Taala gave preference, to what jelenia to what the people of the days of ignorance would derive to the point that they would bury young girls alive. So Allah subhanho wa Taala mentions girls in that, in that, in that fashion, to show that preference in a way that would

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remind them of the creation of a lost parents, I think about think about the southern century here in Arabia, and that harsh culture, and all of this is being taken into consideration. And this ignorance is being pushed back against in that strong fashion. He also mentioned that Allah subhanho wa Taala in the ayah mentions in artha, Allah mentions girls, and then he mentions evercool

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as the core, which are males with the particular mentioned the definite article have edited in front of boys and not in front of girls. And this is a hard one to really appreciate outside of the Arabic language, but it'll tell you about it more or less and notice how he kept the word females in an indefinite by saying inasa without saying Elina

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Zyban, okay, I am saying this not someone making this stuff up. And he said he used that the the definite article with males by saying as the court of the court. And he said by doing that he amends the perceived inferiority of the girl by bringing her forward. And he refers to her in that fashion. Even without the editor in the Arabic language, the point that he's trying to make is that it's a stronger, it's a stronger expression to use the word girls without an author without the added without the definite article before it. Whereas the last panatela uses that with males and that's he wrote that interpretive mode would be account minimal loot, which is a book where he spoke

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particularly about the rulings in regards to children. So the point is, is that in some societies in some cultures as crazy as it may be, even today in the 21st century, you guys were thinking seventh century Japanese culture. But hey, it happens today to where people make do specifically for people.

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And it's like, it's got to be a boy. And if you get a girl the first time, they say, Well, hopefully the next time around, it'll be a boy as if it was a fail the first time. And you think about how ugly that is. But it's real. And it happens in a lot of cultures, even with people that are supposedly educated and advanced in their knowledge. And the last thing that I mentioned here in regards to preferential treatment with the scholars mentioned the right to education, the right to educating the girl and the boy equally as well, that in some cultures, and in some societies, it's an injustice that only the boys are educated without the girls. And this is something that's

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mentioned our classical textbooks that it's a right of both of the children to be taught and educated. And you have in that the example of an Imam Malik Rahim, Allah tala,

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of whom his children, the greatest scholar of his children, was actually his daughter, Fatima. She memorized his collection of and water, and she used to teach his 1000s of students then what are the mathematic the collection of Hadith from an Imam Malik Rahim Allah to Allah, the scholars understood this value of imparting that knowledge and educating all of their children equally. So these are some of the things that the scholars mentioned here in regards to preferential treatment, whether that preference is based on a natural attachment, or whether that preference is based on gender, whether that preference is based on you know, the the older child versus the younger child, that all

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of these things are to be taken into consideration if you have a people. Remember, the first thing the prophets license says was such normality Bashir, his father was, be conscious of Allah tequila, that be mindful of Allah. So when you have a generation of companions, that fear the loss of habitat is so much and we're so conscious and mindful of the Lost parents, that they paid attention to how much they were kissing their children, to make sure they were not unfair in that distribution, then what does that say about the way that we treat our children? And you know, today, and how we sometimes can be unjust with our children? Yes, even on birthdays, make sure you give all your kids

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the same amount of gifts, even the ones that are nicer to you, and the ones that are

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sometimes give you a harder time. So May Allah make us just with our families? And may Allah subhanho wa Taala allow us never to, to become unjust due to an injustice that was done to us? I mean, questions? I know, there are gonna be probably a few questions on this one. Unless you guys are just too afraid to ask questions. Yeah.

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Well, they're gonna definitely be different

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things to be taken into consideration with each gender. That's not to say that that doesn't mean that it has to be unjust. But for example, you know, if it becomes to the point where it's oppressive towards one of your children over the other, then it becomes a problem. And I think that there's some things that are natural forms of oppression. So how society as a whole treats the sin of a girl versus the sin of a boy. Right? That's till today, and even in our communities, our you know, our American Muslim communities. A boy's sin is far less dishonorable, right, or dishonouring, than a girl's sin at times. So that's also a form of injustice as a form of load. So if that

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protectiveness is coming from a place of, you know, while it's, you know, I don't want you to dishonor me and things of that sort that that type of beat, you know, that type of background, then it becomes problematic, but there are certain unique considerations that are often going to take place with with girls and boys, and not just with girls and boys because the girls and boys but some kids might require more restriction at time or more protectiveness at time, and that's fine. That's fine. That doesn't that's not a that's not necessarily a harmful thing, but it should not be to a point where you're stepping on or squandering a person's right.

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I hope that makes sense. They're not black and white issues they never are. So these are principles that are guiding principles that we have from the from the profit slice on but then you have specific situations

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that we try to diagnose in light of those guiding principles.

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