Social Justice Episode 25 – Justice Between Parents & Children

share this pageShare Page
Omar Suleiman

Channel: Omar Suleiman

Series:

Episode Notes

Hadith #25 – Justice Between Parents & Children | 40 Hadiths on Social Justice

How do we uphold Islam’s honoring of the parents without sanctioning injustice towards children?

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:35

About a karate Koto, silica Mohammedan sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he was trying to sell him to semen kathira. So hamdulillah we're getting back started and inshallah, if we are able to maintain this at a good pace if we get every halaqa done on a weekly basis from here until Ramadan with the exception of two breaks, which I, which I'll be traveling, then we will finish off 40 heads before I'm abandoned the night either. And if we've got like three weeks left and the week of Ramadan, and we're just going to do three nights in a row or something, we'll just have to do a series to wrap it up before I move on. But that's definitely the goal to wrap it up before Ramadan.

00:00:36--> 00:01:09

And hamdulillah just a few things. Number one, my wife, my sister in law, my wife texted me about my sister in law just now. So my sister in law is in labor right now here in Dallas. So if I could ask all of you to make that and that gives her a safe delivery, that she delivers a healthy child and it's a safe pregnancy and that it's a righteous child, as well. And that allows parents it gives us patience for all the kids that are that we're babysitting right now, while we're waiting, but please make draft for her. that feeds into the discussion that we have today.

00:01:10--> 00:01:52

Which is we're moving into the family realm of social justice. The last few weeks, we covered financial transactions. And I just finished a lecture at Europeans academic conference at NASA, where I spoke about, you know, the Islamic social justice paradigm and how primarily it focuses on economic justice. But then when it comes to the family, it gets even more complicated than finances. And I'm going to mention from a theoretical perspective, first or not a theoretical perspective, but really a principle, a maxim that defines all relationships in Islam. And this will help us in understanding the role of government help us an understanding the role within family, whatever it

00:01:52--> 00:02:41

may be. Allah subhana wa tada are the prophets lie, Selim, of course, with the revelation of Allah always assigns clear authority, there is always clear designation of authority in anything, right. So the rights and responsibilities are so well defined within the Islamic text, that it's hard to really go out of them. Or it's hard, it's hard to find ambiguity, at least with the major things. So when it comes to the realm of family, when it gets complicated is not in regards to party a to party B, but it's really in regards to interference of rights from different parties, meaning how do I balance the rights that this person has upon me, with this person, right. So most notably,

00:02:43--> 00:03:18

parents and spouses, you get married, and if you want to be a good child, as well as a good spouse, how do you balance out the responsibility that you have to your parents, and the responsibilities that you have to your spouse, and then the responsibilities if you have children that you have to your children, and the responsibilities that you have to your step parents. So it becomes really difficult and a person could really burn out. And there is no doubt that a person should try with all of those relationships, to deal with a son with excellence to go above and beyond what is required of them. But sometimes that becomes impossible. And sometimes it becomes difficult to

00:03:18--> 00:03:59

navigate those those tensions. And then within a relationship when one person is showing a sign to the other when one person is showing excellence to the other. And the other person is not only not showing us, not only not showing excellence, but is actually abusing that axon, which is typically what happens in human relationships, one person tends to be very giving, and the other person tends to be very restrictive, or can even take advantage and abuse that kindness. Usually kindness is going to be abused. Sometimes it'll be unintentional. Sometimes you, you know you might be, you might be taking advantage of someone and not really recognize it, because that person has never

00:03:59--> 00:04:42

shown you any displeasure or showing you any dissatisfaction. But you might be taking advantage of them. And so the Muslim always looks to their responsibilities first to the rights that are upon them. And at the same time, they tried their best to deal with, with sun with everyone that last palletize put around them they tried their best to deal with excellent. So first, we start off with the complicated terrain of parents and children. And we're talking about it within the context of justice. What are the rights of parents upon children? What are the rights of children, upon parents and children does not necessarily refer to children as in young children, but of course, you know,

00:04:42--> 00:04:59

even as adults, what is the right or what are the rights of parents upon their kids? So we start off with this headache. We'll start with the parents. And this is a headache that's married by the law of Toronto. It's in Sahih Muslim, that the Prophet sallallahu wasallam said he had the weather

00:05:00--> 00:05:04

Doing what he done in LA and he added him Luca, is stereo.

00:05:06--> 00:05:42

The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Now Yahtzee, well, I don't want either that a, a person and not repaid his father. I'll translate it literally here what it could mean father or mother, but the literal translation is father, that a son cannot repay his father, unless in law and Yoda, oh, man, Luca unless he finds him as a slave and purchases, purchases his freedom, so purchases him and then sets him free. The only way that you could ever repay your father's if you found them as a slave, you purchased them and then you set him free.

00:05:44--> 00:05:56

Here is an interesting discussion, first interesting discussion. While i'd worded literally would mean son, Father, does it also mean son, mother, daughter, Father, daughter, mother,

00:05:57--> 00:06:34

some of the scholars, and the majority would say yes, okay, but this is referring to any parent and child relationship. Some of them would say no, because you could never repay your mother that the prophets lie some would not even include the mother, even in this context, that you couldn't repay the lady that the mother, even if you found her as a slave and you purchased her freedom. But let's stick to let's stick to the Hadith as to what it's conveying here because the majority of the scholars do not take this as literal, a literal Hadith, even in regards to the Father, except for the moment hazama Rahim Allah tada and the law is literalist, they, I mean, they say that if you

00:06:34--> 00:07:15

were because it could actually happen in those times, right? You actually could find your father as a slave and purchase his freedom and set him free. Could you just be like, Alright, I paid you back, I'm done. Don't talk to me anymore. No, the Prophet slicin him is using a, you know, an expression to express that you really could never repay your father because this falls in the realm of, you know, impossible, or near impossible. It's possible in that time, but it's near impossible. The point being that you cannot repay your parents, there's nothing that you could possibly do to buy your parents off or to repay them. And so the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you know, what's

00:07:15--> 00:08:00

the expression that he's using? It's as if to say that until you acquire the commands of the entire existence of a person, and then forego that graciously, you still haven't compensated them. Okay? So there is never a scenario in which you've repaid your parents, so stop even looking for it. Stop even exploring that realm, stop even trying to make that a possibility, because it's not a possibility. Now, when we look in the Quran, we find two common terms that Allah subhanaw taala uses when he speaks about obedience to the parents wakaba aboukir Allah tiempo de la isla de de la Santa, and your Lord has judged that you will not worship except for him and you will show nothing but

00:08:00--> 00:08:12

some, but excellence beautiful character. So your parents and other lost parents, I use the word wobble saw. Okay, well, we'll slain inside of the wedding day here.

00:08:13--> 00:08:42

And we have ordained, we'll see. I mean, what we'll see is when you will like you and trust someone with something. Okay, we'll see. Can I you know, I'm giving you look, I'm giving you a very important message here. This is a trust. And it refers to the will in the testament and in the, in the very technical sense, but in our in our in our everyday usage and in different things. So it will sleep and when FCB tequila, I could be giving maaseiah to myself and you to impress upon you the seriousness of something

00:08:54--> 00:09:01

as well, right? It's very personal. So how do we take these two terms and this is something that some of them will facility and pointed out some of the scholars

00:09:02--> 00:09:24

interpreted or at least extracted a benefit, called law refers to justice, although as a judgment, Allah has judged that you worship none but him that you treat your parents only with the utmost excellence, okay? And a lot joined obviously, that respect for the parents with, with the with the obligation to worship Him alone.

00:09:26--> 00:09:59

Okay, to show the seriousness and the gravity of not being respectful to your parents not being loving to your parents, and to also impress upon you the obligation. So should is the worst sin, the worst thing that you could do is to not acknowledge the loss of monetize, one's to associate a partner with him, or whatever manifestation. And so, from an injustice perspective, right under that would be disobeying your parents or treating your parents in a way that's not befitting but then on the other side, as far as obligation, the obligation

00:10:00--> 00:10:12

Worship Allah alone the obligation to treat your parents with honor and with respect so Kaaba, refers more to justice and Hoku can rights was saw denotes a son was see denotes a sense of excellence.

00:10:13--> 00:10:17

Like it's a very personal message. When someone gives you what

00:10:19--> 00:10:58

you honor that we'll see because of your love for that person. Right? A lot of times, like, Look, I'm telling you, out of your love for me out of your obedience to me, because of what I mean to you, I'm commanding you to do this, this is a command, this is a this is a will. This is me telling you, you need to do this. I'm enjoining you with this. So Allah subhanaw taala uses various terms to employ this and of course, none of this is absolute or defined. It's mean it's merely a means of extracting a value the benefit from the different words that are used in the Quran. The point being, that right under obedience to Allah Subhana Allah to Allah, and to the messenger and he is Salatu

00:10:58--> 00:11:40

was Salam kubs obedience to Allah subhana wa Tada, why does the law join those two together to understand that just as the right of Allah is so great, that none can truly fulfill. It's the only the only right that exists like that amongst human beings is the right of the parent on the child that is so great, that it can never truly be fulfilled. And even if even if you're able to make the claim that you are doing for your parents, what they did for you, is that you know, and it's hard for me to actually even mentioned this narrations, Palen May Allah protect, protect our relationships and have mercy on our parents and, and forgive us for our shortcomings with them. You

00:11:40--> 00:12:16

know, a lot of time who was even mentioning to a man who was taking care of his mother, who had reached the point where she was like an infant, right in the sense that, that he had to carry her he had to clean up after her, take her to the restroom, and those types of things. And the man is the man is thinking to himself, and he's claiming that, you know, he's fulfilled, he's done what she did for him, like my mother used to carry me She used to clean up after me, she used to change my diaper, she used to do all these things. Liquid on the low end who said said you do that. But at the same time, you're asking Allah Subhana, Allah to put her to death. While she used to do that, while

00:12:16--> 00:12:17

asking a lot to give you life.

00:12:20--> 00:12:20

So heavy,

00:12:22--> 00:12:56

even on the inside, when you're taking care of your parents in their old age, at times, maybe on the inside, you're like, Well, you know, it's only a few more years, and you're just waiting for it to end. Whereas your parents were doing that for you. And they were begging a lot to give you a long healthy life. So even if on the outside, it looks like you are repaying on the inside is not the same. Right? There is a special, a special mercy that Allah subhanaw taala put in the heart of the parent for the child. And that's why the narration of we've been, it'll be a lot of time for the men carrying his mother on his back and hedge.

00:12:57--> 00:13:40

I've seen people do that, by the way, I've seen people carry their parents on their back for hedging. And you know, if you've ever been for hedging done the walk, it's tough. For a full able bodied, healthy young person, it's tough. Imagine carrying a parent on your back and hatch. I saw it this year, I actually pointed it out to some of my group numbers, as we were coming down from jumbo dot, there's, you know, a man that had his his mother on his back the entire time. And so this man asked, you know, have I repaid my mother and he responds and says, not even for one of her shots and labor, not even for one of her cries and labor you did not repay them, you cannot repay them. And so

00:13:41--> 00:14:09

this is, you know, this is why Allah subhana wa tada is, is teaching us and the Prophet slicin through this hadith is teaching us that it's not a matter of just, you do this, and I do that. And you can claim that at some point, you've given to your parents and equal amounts of what they've given to you, whether that's in the financial sense or in the, in the in the sense of service, because there's something about that relationship, and you don't ever get to claim that you've repaid that person. So that's why

00:14:11--> 00:14:32

you go above and beyond for your parents as much as you can, and you show them that respect and that special treatment. And it's beyond just justice. It's more than that. It's more than that. And how does that manifest itself? You know, it's a matter of showing that love and showing the importance that that importance has never decreased in a person's life.

00:14:33--> 00:14:59

Zeno, Aberdeen and even for saying the great grandson of the prophets of Allah Hardy, who has settled on he used to eat with his mother, for example, this is not about how he writes. When he served the food he wouldn't eat until she ate first. That's excellent. Why is that because I don't want to touch something that you want to eat. I'm gonna wait for you to eat, and then I'll eat from it. Because when I was a child, you know you just attack the food. Your mother gives you what you what you prefer. And she says whatever's

00:15:00--> 00:15:38

left for herself, the very famous Hadith of the Alon where the woman earned genda when she had when I gave her subaqua gave her three dates and so one for her and then her two kids. So she gave the two days to her kids and then she was about to eat and then her kids were still hungry. So she toward that or she's, you know, she split that date into two. And then she gave it to her two kids and I should told the profit slice on the profit slice. I'm said Allah entered her into gender because of that. She earned Paradise by that. So Zayn and Aberdeen on he would eat with his mother, he wouldn't touch the food because he said, You know, I don't want to touch it. Because I don't want

00:15:38--> 00:16:12

to put my hand on something that you want to eat. I'll wait till you eat and then I'll eat now, is that a ruling in Islam? No, it's not a ruling. And it's not with your parents. If you go out to eat with, you know, take them out to a restaurant, you don't have to sit there and, you know, wait for them to finish their food. And then you touch the food. But it was just a matter of expressing a special type of son a special type of love for the parent. Mr. Mohammed Rahim Allah. And this is a very significant one. Because if someone cuts off the lecture right after this narration, they could really abuse their kids with it. So I'm gonna say right now, this is a very unique circumstance.

00:16:12--> 00:16:48

Imam Ahmed Rahim, Allah did not get married until his mother passed away at the age of 40 years old. Does that mean you should wait until your parents pass away to get married? No, I'm not a special circumstance. His mother was a single mother. She gave her all to him. She she struggled and strove so much to take care of him. And she I mean, she toiled in every way, the amount of time it did not feel like he could properly balanced. Does that mean that it's a ruling in Islam, that if you have a single mother, you have a parent, you should wait? No, actually, the general ruling is to get married when you have the means to get married. But it's meant to convey a certain type of a certain

00:16:48--> 00:17:30

type of excellence that the sleight of hand that the righteous had for their parents and by the way, so how I find this significant Imam Amador him, Allah, he and his wife and sila. He was married for 30 years after that he passed away at the age of 77. And his wife on silent when she when she passed away, when he was 70. He actually said he said, I can't we can't remember ever having an argument with her like she never, we never fought. So he honored his mother. And then he honored his wife, he that that transition, it didn't lead to him treating his wife badly. It actually it was a special type of other special type of recognition, honor that then translated itself in the way he would

00:17:30--> 00:17:45

treat his wife after after he got married. So these are things that convey son they're not to extol the rights of the parents upon us. And what if you, you know, well, you could say Well, look, you might not man's mom was awesome.

00:17:46--> 00:18:23

Different single Aberdeen's mother, it was great. Right? Or, you know, their parents were different than our parents. So we don't you know, so it's a different type of exaggeration, but this is the utility of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Not mentioning any conditions will be while eating Asana that you treat them with their son. Last pantai doesn't say if you had good parents, you treat them with their son, Allah says you treat them with their son because they're your parents. So that does away with the well this, this, this and that. Okay? which usually is more, you know, when a person starts to look back and say you never did this, you never did that. It's usually more of selective memory

00:18:23--> 00:18:47

rather than an accurate representation of what happened in the relationship between the parents and the children. So justice is God ordained. This is a loss of Hannah hota Allah, judging that what Kabbalah bukanlah tabula rasa will be valid any son so we'll just summarize these two verses, then we'll move on to the children. I'm sure the parents have already cut off the lecture at this point. don't want to hear anything else.

00:18:48--> 00:19:26

Well, kabamba Allah tabula Yahoo bydd Asana last sentence with a straw, your Lord has judged that you do not worship except for him and that you show your parents only the best level the greatest level of excellence and axon and then Allah subhanaw taala says in my absolute honor in duquel, keba, Allah subhana wa tada says, if if they reach old age with you, I had Obama Oklahoma. So one of them, you're blessed to have one parent reach old age, or both of them reach old age amongst you, and you can sort of start with that.

00:19:27--> 00:19:36

The scholars mentioned here that if your parents reach old age in your lifetime, that's a NEMA and a blessing from Allah subhanaw taala not a curse,

00:19:37--> 00:19:59

an opportunity for you to enter into gentlemen. That's your that is a ticket to paradise right there. If you were blessed to have parents that reached an old age in your lifetime and you became an adult, and you know, where you could properly understand what they've done for you or the rights that they have upon you. And they've reached old age n duck you know, with

00:20:00--> 00:20:15

You somehow already denotes that you're taking care of them. You're not abandoning them. You're not neglecting them. You're not allowing you know in this hyper, narcissistic, individualistic society how many elder parents die alone completely alone barely hear from their children.

00:20:16--> 00:20:35

Right? Completely put away because it's all checks and balances is he fed is he take okay? doesn't work that way. If one of them reaches old age in your lifetime, or both of them. So Allah subhanaw taala starts, he first mentioned fella taco lahoma. of Don't ever show.

00:20:37--> 00:20:39

Don't ever say to them,

00:20:40--> 00:21:05

or roll your eyes or show any displeasure. Why? Because especially, you know, somehow Allah is talking about when your parents get old. Because that's when you could start to get impatient with them. For whatever reason, right when they start to get old, when you're young is like don't even think about it. And then when you're old, even at that point, when it might seem like they're becoming burdensome, or becomes heavier, more unreasonable, and things of that sort. Don't you ever dare say?

00:21:07--> 00:21:10

or express displeasure that you have to serve them?

00:21:11--> 00:21:12

Because your parents did not say

00:21:14--> 00:21:19

they took care of you. Right? So don't you ever even say

00:21:20--> 00:21:58

don't disgust roll your eyes whatever it is, or displeasure, while at 10? hamama? Don't make them feel repelled? No, you talk about Islam recognizes emotional rights, you can be fulfilling the physical you again, you can be checking off the balance sheet, but you're making someone feel repelled. Right, you're blocking them out one at a time. Don't block them out, don't repel them. You know, it's the same language that allow uses with the orphan have had a lot and just in sort of how I use that language with the orphans. Right? Don't repel them. Don't make them feel like they're a burden on you don't make them feel like you don't want them around that you're writing off your

00:21:58--> 00:22:14

checks and you're doing what you have to do. I was parents I says, replace that with, well put lahoma colon Karina, speak to them only with dignifying words, honorable generous words.

00:22:15--> 00:22:46

So you compare this panel on the first effect of speaking Kareem in a way that's generous, is to dignify that person. Right? Kevin starts off with dignity to make that person feel dignified. So if you have a five minute conversation with your parents, and you're already raising your voice and making them feel like they don't know what they're talking about, or neglecting them, you're not dignifying them. It's not just kind words, dignifying words of generosity. dignifying you can't honor them if you're deriving them with your words.

00:22:47--> 00:23:01

So dignifying words, not you know, showing them complete honor that they always maintain that place in your eyes, no matter what happens to them. And unless piloti says, What's the lahoma Jenna had bulimic

00:23:02--> 00:23:05

and show complete powerlessness in front of them.

00:23:06--> 00:23:28

Which means what's the lahoma Jenna has only been a rational to lower to them, the lower yourself in humility, out of mercy, lowering yourself showing subordinates no matter what showing that humility and expressing that no matter how old they get, no matter how demanding they get, whatever it may be constantly showing that, that humility.

00:23:30--> 00:23:35

The greatest example of this is the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. When he sees

00:23:36--> 00:23:54

you know, a woman who raised Him and who took care of them and the Prophet sly someone he would recognize those women because he didn't see his mother as an adult. It his mother died when he was six. And his father died before he passed away. But when the Prophet slicin saw an idea, as an adult, or when he saw a man,

00:23:55--> 00:24:34

Baraka may Allah be pleased with them all the women who nurse the prophets, ally, someone who took care of him, out of the prophets lie, some act even as the head of state, he was the most important man and the woman suddenly the Prophet slice Allah humbles himself like a child in his 60s. So these women in the way that he would serve these women in the way that he would treat them in the way that he would act towards them. Right. So to always show that complete love and that complete mercy and that, that humility, when you treat them. So this is on the rights perspective, and I'm going obviously, more quicker, because of the time that we have and finally, our last pentesters will

00:24:34--> 00:24:41

signal inside of the wedding day, he Asana hemella, to Cora, over to Cora Warhammer who was the father who

00:24:43--> 00:24:45

was mentioned in suits,

00:24:46--> 00:25:00

and we enjoined upon men to treat his parents with excellence. His mother carried him and almost specifies the mother carried him, gave birth to him and nursed him and raised him in

00:25:00--> 00:25:00

pain

00:25:01--> 00:25:24

and loss parent recognizes that pain. So that shows that there's priority even amongst the parents in terms of justice, the Hadeeth of unlock some unlock some homework from your mother, than your mother than your mother than your father. That does not mean that does not mean that you honor your mother and dishonor your father. But you try to pit them against each other.

00:25:26--> 00:26:03

Well, Mom said this, so pit mom against that and say, Well, I gotta listen to mom. Because before last month, I specified the mother. This is the beauty of the poem, before Allah specified these things of the mother, Alice pantai, says Big Daddy day, he says, you have to honor both of your parents. Now Allah mentioned some of the specific virtues of the mother upon the child, the mother than what the prophet slicin said, Your mother than your mother than your mother than your father, as far as honoring, and dignifying and showing that love and this is obviously the this is a flip, and Arab jolly culture and the culture of ignorance before Islam. The mother was belittled, she was

00:26:03--> 00:26:21

inherited by her child, completely belittled. So now not only is she an equal to the Father, she is honored beyond the Father. For what she has done, the prophets lie Selim shows that full recognition as Allah subhana wa tada shows that recognition and one Hadith

00:26:23--> 00:26:27

it's not a Hadith, the incident with the bustle the allowance, where a man

00:26:28--> 00:27:11

confessed murder. Seven I bustled a lot of time, confessed that he said that, I asked a woman to marry me and she refused to marry me. And then another friend of his or another man married her and he got jealous. And he killed her. He murdered her. Now he comes to love and I'm boss. The one thing is that the punishment for murder, which is that justice has to take place. But he wants to know if he has a chance of being forgiven by Allah subhanho Tada. So he's, you know, that's one thing like, Okay, I know, I've got he's got to go through a trial. He's got to go through punishment and all those but will will I ever enter agenda was caught in a moment of anger, and I messed up really,

00:27:11--> 00:27:49

really badly. Do I ever have a chance at paradise? And he said, almost the height is your mother alive? And he said, No. So he said, repent to Allah subhanaw taala with whatever time you have whatever, repent to Allah as much as you can, and draw near to him as much as you can. And the people around that witness that conversation, I thought, so. I asked him, Why did you ask him for his mother was alive. So he said, La La La, La La MaMa La Habra, la in the real world, I said, I don't know of an action that brings a person closer to a lot in honoring one's mother. So from his tilba, from his repentance, if he really, you know, this was just one of the actions he can try to

00:27:49--> 00:28:30

start drawing closer to a loss of parents, I go honor your mother. And when when he said that his mother was no longer alive. He simply said to him, repent to a loss of parents, I try to try to draw near to him and seek forgiveness. So what does this mean, as far as justice or children is concerned? Does this mean you are at your parents disposal? Without any right to autonomy or justice yourself? Does this mean that you can be exploited and abused? And does that take place? It does take place. There's no doubt about it. And it's important, you know, there are things that are understood in the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet slicin when they speak about the nature of

00:28:30--> 00:29:01

this relationship, you know, we live in the era of what about, I guarantee you I'm not reading the comments on my on the live video, but I guarantee what about this? What about that? What about this, if I write a single status if someone writes something like, you should be nice to your wife? And then what about this, this, this, this, this, this this? Well, that's kind of understood that I didn't mean that if she hits you with something that, you know, like, it should be understood. But unfortunately, it's not understood because we live in the What about culture? What about this? What about that? What about this? What about this, like, you've got to have 30 qualifiers to every

00:29:01--> 00:29:31

statement that you make. And if we live in a world of what about ism, then no statement is true in its absolute sense, not almost no statement is going to be true. Anything you say has has exceptions and qualifications. And that's to be understood, that Allah is not unreasonable with his servants. And the Prophet slicin is not unreasonable with his commands to those that wish to follow and strive for his example. So that should be understood. So I'm going to put that there, but what about us and put the What about ism to the side second thing

00:29:32--> 00:29:52

that our attorney Mark lucuma acetal Hala profits why some said you cannot obey a creation of a law when they tell you to dis obey the Creator, there is no obedience to a creation in disobeying the Creator. Obviously, that obedience is limited in its nature. Okay.

00:29:55--> 00:29:59

The last thing that I'd say here and this is this is a this is a real

00:30:00--> 00:30:26

Important Id really important, because it just somehow it's it solves all of these problems. It is the ultimate qualifying statement here. The prophets lie. Some said in the mythos autofill marital obedience is always contingent upon being reasonable. Obedience is always contingent upon something being reasonable. So you can't place an unreasonable burden on someone.

00:30:27--> 00:31:02

And then mentally, or emotionally abused them or torture them, because they're not living up to what you've placed upon them. So the scholar has mentioned, you know, you can't make your child eat something repulsive. You can't make them marry someone they don't want to marry. That's, you know, that's something, you know, explicitly prohibited, and how many parents would guilt their children and many cultures, and how many parents would guilt their children into marrying someone that they want their children to marry, but their children don't want to marry them? you imagine? Girl comes to the Prophet, slice alum and tells the prophets lie some that she was forced into a marriage that

00:31:02--> 00:31:06

her father forced her to marry someone without her consent. What did he say? You're free to go?

00:31:07--> 00:31:41

The contract never happens. Not look, well, let's let's talk to your father and see why did he really want this to happen? You know, if the guy is a good guy, just let it go. No, because it was a matter of setting justice. Like that's not just, he might be a great guy, and he might be a good guy for you. And maybe your father did it out of interest, but your father has no right to force that upon you. That's unreasonable. And so the standard hats had to be set, which by the way, she ended up marrying the man anyway, but she wanted to set the standard. She wanted to make it clear that she had the right whether or not

00:31:42--> 00:31:46

to marry that man. So when you know,

00:31:47--> 00:32:10

there are things that are unreasonable, and they're asked and then apply to the model. However, even when the parents demand something unreasonable, that does not excuse you, disrespecting them or treating them badly. What is the most unreasonable thing that a parent could demand of their child?

00:32:11--> 00:32:12

You tell me

00:32:14--> 00:32:15

become a doctor. No.

00:32:17--> 00:32:18

And you're really you're really bitter about this.

00:32:20--> 00:32:21

Alright.

00:32:22--> 00:32:32

A lifetime of servitude. What's even more unreasonable than that? chick? If your parents told you I will not. I will disown you if you don't worship this idol.

00:32:33--> 00:32:33

Think about that.

00:32:34--> 00:33:20

The parents said to a child I will disown you. If you don't worship this idol. It's okay. No, no worry about it. It's fine. She's cute. She can get away with it. If a parent said I will disown you if you don't worship this idol. So I've had a look at him a lot he Marty has set up. Speaking to his father, Colin Kadima, check or not check speaking words of dignifying words and honored to speak to his father in a way that was kidding. Yes. Did he treat his father? Well? Yes. Did his father reach old age in him and Ibrahim is not tolerated. You know what that what that the package that came with and still showed him honor and love? Did he ever Express impatience with his father? No. Okay. Did

00:33:20--> 00:33:29

he say to his father? Oh, no, he didn't. He literally matches all of the descriptions of the of the way that you're supposed to treat your parents out of his father response.

00:33:31--> 00:33:32

He tried to murder him.

00:33:34--> 00:33:36

Okay, because at the end of the day

00:33:37--> 00:33:56

shook okay. IV worship the idols or you die. That says unreasonable, as it gets did a lot excuse about him is to talk to his father. And you know, like after Ibrahim is known was thrown into the fire. Think about this and Allah saved him from that.

00:33:57--> 00:34:05

Did it brought him Iceland go spit in his father's face before he left him? No, he left his father out of escaping his harm.

00:34:06--> 00:34:13

He left his father out of escaping his heart, but he didn't treat him. He still didn't dishonor him. He still didn't say nasty words to him.

00:34:14--> 00:34:50

There's nothing more unreasonable than that. And in the prophets lie, some of them sided I will possibly allow tada and who says that when my mother heard that I accepted Islam, she flew into a rage. She came up to me and she said, Oh sad. What is this religion you have embraced which has taken you away from the religion of your mother and your father. He said, bye, bye God. Either you forsake your new religion or I will forsake you and I will not eat or drink or go inside my home until I die. I'm going to sit outside in the sun,

00:34:51--> 00:34:54

die of starvation or dehydration.

00:34:55--> 00:34:59

Until you renounce your religion, emotional blockage

00:35:00--> 00:35:00

No,

00:35:01--> 00:35:06

that's tough. This religion which is built on honoring the mother, and the mother is saying,

00:35:08--> 00:35:19

you either leave Islam or I'll kill myself. And what she's serious. She literally sat outside and the sister side had to force her mouth open to feed her.

00:35:21--> 00:35:34

So she didn't die. I mean, that's, that's serious. And he begged her. I begged her not to do that. But she went on with the threat. So,

00:35:35--> 00:36:14

hour after our sound a little below on who said, I kept going to her with food and drink and crying. I mean, think of the position of cibola besides a warrior, right? I mean, he's a strong man. But think of that humility and that brokenness in front of his mom, like, Mom, please eat. I can't forsake my religion. What do I do? And so Pamela, she kept on refusing, she said, you abandon your religion or I abandon you? He said, I said to her, oh, my mother by a law. This is This is tough, the Biola if you had 100 souls, and each one depart one after the other, I still would not abandon this religion for anything.

00:36:15--> 00:36:26

So when she saw my insistence finally she ate and she drink so you got like, Okay, he's, he's not going to give up that religion. A lot of revealed and I about this

00:36:27--> 00:36:40

well, in jaha, dakara, and to Sri kabhi, Na, Elisa Lockerbie, here in Altera home. And if they strive against you, and insist that you abandon your religion,

00:36:41--> 00:37:04

then do not obey them, while Sahib will not deny them alpha, but then accompany them, and stay with them and show them the utmost kindness and respect. Even then, even then, she's commanding side to curse Allah, Allah is commanding side to honor her. And just don't curse Allah.

00:37:05--> 00:37:12

either. So there's nothing that goes beyond that. So yes, don't get forced into a marriage.

00:37:13--> 00:37:55

Don't get emotionally blackmailed. Don't treat your spouse badly, because your parents don't like your spouse, don't deprive your children of their rights don't don't do anything that contradicts that conflicts with what Allah subhanaw taala has prescribed. But in that process, you still only speak to your parents with words of kindness, okay, so it never goes, you don't follow them. And that which is unreasonable, but at the same time, your words should never reflect any form of disrespect. And if you You know, sometimes a person, and this is an extreme example, where there's act where there's abuse that's taking place and a person has to abandon or person has to actually

00:37:55--> 00:38:31

seek protection from their parents. It's a heartbreaking situation, are they sinful for seeking protection from the parents? No, you don't should not tolerate abuse and tolerate, you know, you know, things of harm, right. But at the same time, a person still maintains what Allah subhanaw taala has maintained. And this is another example, you know, Hadeeth until America, the big profits licensing you and your money belong to your father letter do caspo be the son is the is the earning of his father, that doesn't mean that they that a father could tell his son,

00:38:32--> 00:39:03

you know, to give them all their money and not be able to pay their rents or afford their basic needs or to take care of themselves, right, that's this, this was an expression from the Prophet sallallahu wasallam, that a person doesn't deprive their parents, from their wealth, if your parents are needy, and you have the means to take care of them, then you're responsible to take care of them. But that doesn't mean that they have open access to your wealth. Okay. And this is obviously even at the time of death, the profit slice some forbade

00:39:04--> 00:39:06

a person as they're dying

00:39:07--> 00:39:44

to, to will some of their money in charity. What does that mean? You can you can, you can give your money in charity while you're alive, but the profit slice and I'm forbade a person as they're dying to give their money in charity. What that means is that the profit slice of them is saying that at that point, that money is not yours, when you're dying, it belongs to those that are inheriting from you. So you can't wait until you're dying. And and so you know, give it all up. When you're healthy. When you're good, that's fine. And you can will one third of your wealth, to charity up to one third of your wealth to charity, but you can't wait until you're dying and then say give it all in

00:39:44--> 00:39:59

charity, when you're dying because it's no longer yours at that point. So there are rights even then financial rights that the child maintains upon the parents and the parents cannot just exploit the wealth of their children. That's not something that the prophet SAW. I said, I'm allowed

00:40:00--> 00:40:07

in any capacity Finally, there's the story of Amato the a lot of time with the Father and the Son, which is significant.

00:40:09--> 00:40:45

The father comes to Amaro be allowed to complain about his child. I would hate for my like, you talked about taking your son to someone to complain, taking your son to the law. And that's like the worst thing you can do to your son. I mean, think about how intimidating that is. I'm going to take you to the head of state and the halifa, who is physically huge. He's already allowed Thailand No, not like, like, like physically huge. You imagine and, you know, he takes his son to almost all the time to complain about him. And he's basically asking mama to discipline his child.

00:40:47--> 00:41:02

And he says all these horrible things about his son, and the son looks at armor, or the allot of time one says, Yeah, I mean, Elisa in wallet Heroku cuddle up. The children not have rights over their parents.

00:41:04--> 00:41:05

Amaro the law, no, sir course.

00:41:07--> 00:41:40

He said, what are they, so I'm going to be alarmed who said well, and these were these were examples, he said that he should marry, he should choose a good spouse. Because that mother will be that wife will be the mother of your children. So he should be thinking about that, as well as, as the woman when she gets married, we thinking that this is going to be the father of my children if we have children. So that's a Huck of the child over the parents. So he should have chosen a good, a good other parents giving you a good name. Because in Islam, the naming is significant. you name your child, something you want them to live up to.

00:41:41--> 00:41:50

You know, I was somehow in the Muslim world, in many parts of the Muslim world, like people don't name after the companions anymore, that's considered old school. They got all these weird names that mean nothing.

00:41:51--> 00:42:19

You name them after a person or a quality that you want them to live up to. It's a half of the child, it's a rite of the child. So everyone, you know, in the community when someone's about to have a kid, and they just open up some sort of website, and they find the Arabic name that sounds prettiest. And like, is this name, okay? You shouldn't be thinking is this name, okay? You should be thinking, what do I want this child to be? And I want them to live up to that name. So it's a hack of the child, so right of the child, and third, to teach them the Koran,

00:42:20--> 00:42:25

to educate them. So basically, the sons, my dad did none of those things.

00:42:26--> 00:42:29

Like none of those things. Alright.

00:42:30--> 00:42:54

Not so nice things about his mom. He had a bad name. And he never taught him a word of the armor of the law. And he looked at the dad and said octo cobbler and Europa. Do disobeyed him before he can disobey you, meaning you deprived him before he could deprive you. You messed up, okay. Now, although the law didn't have the son of stick and say, pop your dad in the face with it.

00:42:55--> 00:43:22

But the law said, No, no, you can't come here with all these complaints when you fail to do what you're supposed to do. So there is such thing as the rights of the child. And if you think about these things, you know, these are emotional rights. This is the right to education. And again, the naming is more than that, like I raised my kids have good character, I invested in my child that good character and things of that sort. So if I didn't invest in my child to have good character, Lenny has bad character than who's to blame.

00:43:24--> 00:43:26

Me, okay,

00:43:27--> 00:44:04

then that's my fault. All right. If I did do my best for them to have good character, and they still turned out rotten, then I complained to Allah subhanaw taala. But if I didn't even try, which amado de la Andrus are reflected in the way that he named his kid and just gave it No, you know, completely didn't care about that, then I have no right. And if I didn't educate my child, or teach them about the plan, and then they act in complete opposition to the plan, then goes back to me, the right to educate the right, you know, the right to invest in them and to raise them and to make them people of good character. So the child still has rights upon the parents, and this is something well

00:44:05--> 00:44:17

established in Islam. And it goes beyond just the physical rights and things of that sort. Now, when a when a person becomes an adult, usually the tension with the parents is when other relationships come into being.

00:44:19--> 00:44:34

Right, and that's where you have to navigate those things. That honor should always be to the parents, but that should not translate into disrespect of the spouse or depth deprivation of anybody else that has rights upon you. And somehow, I'm just going to end sort of with this

00:44:36--> 00:44:53

with this lesson that I hope all of us will take to heart. I know this was a particularly long, these are long halaqa that we did tonight. But you know, as you get older, the fear of irrelevance on the part of the parents is real, the fear of losing relevance in your life.

00:44:55--> 00:44:59

There's also you know, sort of that teenage the teenage years and when you're starting to become an adult

00:45:00--> 00:45:06

And you start, you know, you're trying to express ultimate autonomy, and there's trying to reinforce control so that that's attention.

00:45:07--> 00:45:45

But then once it goes beyond that, once it goes beyond the annoying teenage phase, and, you know, you sort of move beyond that the fighting part of it. So lack of relevance as a whole. So first, it's a lack of control that then turns into a lack of relevance. And that's what the prophets lie some was warning about. And that's what a lot as well, on he's saying, if one of them reaches old age in your lifetime, that's the greatest gift that Allah can give you as an opportunity to serve and to love your parents as they reach that old age. Don't look at it, don't look at it as a burden, look at it as a gift, because many people would love to still have their parents to serve them. A

00:45:45--> 00:46:17

loss of parents, I gave that to you, no matter what they are, what they say to you what they do, unless, again, it goes into the realm of that which is unreasonable, or it's abuse and things of that sort. Try your best to serve them and to show them love. One of my good friends and Pamela, when he accepted Islam is actually sorry. I'll give you another one, which is even better. There is a sister that accepted Islam and Louisiana want her. When she accepted Islam, her parents threw her out. And she used to serve her parents breakfast every morning.

00:46:18--> 00:46:27

When her parents threw her out, they were extremely abusive to her. What would she do, he would go early in the morning, prepare breakfast, and she'd leave the house before they woke up.

00:46:28--> 00:46:30

And both of her parents ended up accepting it.

00:46:32--> 00:46:54

I mean, they were so touched and ashamed of themselves for how they treated her. It's not always going to end up that way. But she would have done her part anyway, even if her parents would have said, you know, your eggs stunk. And, you know, and this was all off and don't do this, again, don't come back. She did her part. That's excellent. Laura warded that her son in that case, under the law, and her parents, except that it's not sometimes it doesn't happen. But the point is,

00:46:55--> 00:47:15

it's it's a relationship governed by ERISA and their rights children have upon the parents, and there is no greater This is the interesting part about this relationship. There is no greater investment that you have in this world than children, if Allah gave them to you, that there's no greater investment like that's your

00:47:16--> 00:47:55

right because that's your continuation of deeds. If you can invest in that there's no greater gift than that. Nothing more precious of an investment. And then there is no greater obligation and no greater way to earn the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala then if you still have your parents alive, and you have the opportunity to serve them and to honor them, so your stakes are really in each other in many different ways. Allah subhana wa Tada. Allow us to recognize the blessing of our parents if they are alive May Allah places at their service if they passed away, May Allah forgive them and have mercy upon them. May Allah subhanaw taala guide us guide our parents and join us in

00:47:55--> 00:48:07

righteousness and in favor and never make us amongst those that wronged that rang them a lot. I mean, a lot more. Salamone. Amina Mohammed. I'll take just two questions and I'll let you guys go and then I can take questions.