Family Challenges – World Quran Convention 2023
Channel: Nouman Ali Khan
File Size: 51.43MB
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spent our salatu salam ala Rasulillah it was a huge pain and my bad bIllahi min ash shaytaan the regime? Yeah, you have to be Lima to remove halala hulak I'd like to start by saying that it's an amazing honor and an opportunity to have a program like this come together. And my hope is in shallow dive that this kind of a program will grow further and further and more and more services to the Quran can be made. Today I'm going to be talking to you about family challenges in the Quran. And there's lots of things that we can say about family issues in the Quran. In fact, one of the biggest subjects in the Quran is family law and family principles and family issues and family
examples. It takes up a lot of space in the Quran. As opposed to other issues that take much lesser space. This actually takes much more space. But I don't want to overburden you with too many things. I want to give you one or two things that you can remember, you can really think about you can really benefit from. So my plan today in sha Allah is to talk to you on two subjects. And I'm going to talk to you about one subject for about 30 minutes. And we're going to listen to another recitation from our chef. About some other ayat, we're talking about those out for about 2025 minutes in Java. So the first part that I want to talk to you about has to do with sudo apt apt
daddy that's surah number 66. And it's only going to be about the first two ayat of the soul.
I just I am number one and I am number two. And that's it. But in order to understand what I want to share with you, a little bit of background is necessary. Allah told me in you that He created Haleakala coma fill of the Jimmy and whatever he created on this earth he made for you altogether. The entire world and everything in it was designed for the benefit and for the usage of human beings. That's what Allah says. Then he adds some conditions and he says, You Hello, Allah homotopy about your remote Allah, He will cover if he he made good and pure things permissible for you. And he made filthy things impermissible haram for you. So what is haram is actually by definition,
dirty, its filthy, it's about if. So Allah didn't just randomly make something haram. Whenever Allah declares something as haram, it is actually something that will make me sick. It's something that will bring impurity into my life. It is something that is dirty for me literally, it's about if so Haram is not just some rules, it's actually rules that if I don't, if I go towards them, if I go towards haram things, my life will no longer be clean, my life will no longer be pure. That's the principle of haram that Allah teaches us in the Quran. Now, there are two almost opposite things we just learned one place Allah said everything was made for you. And then he said, Well, some things
are hubba if some things are filthy, and those things are haram for you, you know what this when you combine these two principles, you get something that scholars of Islam have been saying from the very beginning. And that is, you know, how in the tech world, there's something called the default. Right the default setting or the automated setting? Well, the automated setting for everything in the world is that it is halal.
And only a few things that Allah declares these are filthy those things are haram. So I don't have to worry about every single thing and say is this Haram is this Haram is this Haram is this haram because the automatic assumption is everything in the world is what Halal it was made for you. But then a few things are made haram and Allah Himself says at Luma Hara Mara Bukoba Alaikum let me tell you what he made haram for you.
Allah didn't say let me tell you what is halal for you. He said let me tell you what is haram for you. Which means the list of Haram is very limited. And the list of Halal is very, very big. You will be so far. This is the first thing we have to understand before we get let me see if you remember what surah was going to talk to you about. At the Hareem God 66 And what I thought was I going to talk to you about one and two. The name of the surah is the dream, a dream to make something haram the name of the surah is to make something haram so because we're talking about halal and haram here, I wanted you to first understand the principle before we get into something
we're going to learn from the surah. So so far, everything in life is automatically assumed to be what Halal until you can prove that it's haram and the only way you can prove that it's haram. Allah said it the Prophet said it the prophesy some declared something haram otherwise, you cannot just go around making things haram fine. Now, we're going to change the subject we're going to, you know, my lectures a lot of times seem like broken Lego pieces, there's lots of different things. And at the end, I try to put them all together, right? So that's what it's gonna feel like. So the first thing was halal, haram fine. The second thing I need you to think about is when in different cultures,
people are comfortable and uncomfortable with different things. So different cultures have different norms and practices and habits, right? And you have to when you're living in a different society, you might find their practices and their habits are very different. So for example, in the US, when you go shopping in the US, very normal experience the cashier just, you know, that'll be 475 you charge the card. Okay, have a good day. Bye, done, you're gone. I went to Japan for the first time. And when I bought something, the lady handed me the receipt like this. And he said Ricardo
you know, so and I didn't understand why there's a whole ceremony and handing me a receipt I just bought a Snickers
but the culture is different. They have a sort of common respect between each other and they have certain practices and you know, you have to learn to adapt to those practices fine.
doesn't just affect the cashier at the grocery store. culture affects what we like what we don't like. culture affects the way that the wedding ceremony happens. culture affects birthdays, culture affects graduations. culture affects your relationship with your parents. Parents have a very different relationship with each other, you know, with children in Pakistan, and in Bangladesh, as opposed to Australia and the US and the US. You can have somebody talk to their dad, their dad's name is Frank, and the son says, Hey, Frank, how was your day? Excuse me? We don't do that as Muslims. It's like, Abba, Baba, Papa, what some name, but you don't just say, Frank, or hey,
Abdulkareem, what's up, want to go to Juma together? You don't do that with your dad. Right? It's considered high disrespect. So cultures then effect the way we are with our family. They have an impact the way your family is. And the way what's normal for them may be very different for what's normal for somebody living in a different country in a different culture in a different environment. Right. So cultures have their own, in a sense, halal and haram. That's the point that I'm getting at. So the religion has its own this is okay, this is not okay. And only a few things are not allowed. But the culture has a bigger list of, of haram things. So the list of haram in the culture
is sometimes much bigger, and the list of haram in our religion is much smaller. Now, why did Allah give us this one religion, one revelation that is supposed to be for every culture, it came to the Arabs. It came in Arabia, but it's meant for all of humanity. But all of humanity has many different cultures, as many different practices. The idea is very powerful. The idea is in different cultures, there are many good things, food, clothing, you know, history, architecture, art, there are many amazing things about each culture, that's different. But there are some things in every culture where people make some things haram. They don't call it haram. They just say we don't do that.
That's not how we do it here. They make up some rules in their culture. Everybody gets used to it. Islam came and said, if you if you add to the list of the things that Allah made haram, you will make problems for yourself. So Islam did not come to get rid of culture. Islam did not come to say everybody should dress the same way. Everybody should speak the same language. Everybody should eat the same kind of food. Everybody should have the same kind of art. No, Islam did not destroy culture. In fact, Islam even celebrates culture. Allah even says that our different languages and cultures are part of His Ayat. But Islam came to purify every culture. And how does it purify every
culture? One of the ways that purifies a culture is that it gets rid of the the things that the culture sent are haram. And Allah said, It's okay. So Allah actually gave new freedom to every culture and removed some things. Allah describes this in a way, talking about the Israelite Israelites, he says, Well, your home is your home. Well as liability Canada lay him, he you came to remove their chains, and their colors that were on them. So one of the things we think Islam is a bunch of rules. But actually Islam is also a number of freedoms. It's a number of things in which we are we have been separated and liberated from the chains of our culture. Okay. I'll give you an
example. In some Muslim countries, and non Muslim countries, if a family has three or four daughters, then the rule is the oldest daughter has to get married first.
Okay, and if the youngest daughter got a proposal, then the parents say listen, there's three more people in the waiting list. Hold on.
It's not halal for you yet. They're not gonna say the word halal and haram because that's Islamic words. They're gonna use the culture was nobody does that. It looks bad. What's your family going to say? What are your uncle's gonna say? How's your sister going to feel it's wrong, then people are going to say there must be something wrong with the older three. That's why only the youngest one got married. For all these things you have to hear to justify that it's not okay for this young lady to get married. Because the other three older sisters are not married yet. You understand? So you know what that is? The culture made something haram that Allah made halal. And now this young woman
who wanted to get married, who had a decent proposal
She was given a right by Allah. Because whenever something is halal, no one has the right to make it haram except Allah. But she she had a right from Allah and her culture took that right away. Her family took that right away, you're understanding this principle now. Now, this sometimes this happens because of a culture but the culture is not just something in a country, your family could have its own culture. Your relationships could have their own culture. And sometimes in a relationship, for example, in a married relationship, how many people married here in La Ilaha, Illa. Hera, do your own. Some men are afraid to raise their hand it's okay. I understand your fears.
I appreciate it. Allah help you. Okay. Just say in the a half Allah, Allah, Allah mean, I only fear Allah and
look around before you say it, okay. Anyway.
Sometime sometimes in a relationship, the husband starts becoming very controlling, or the wife starts becoming very controlling. Sometimes a father or a mother becomes very controlling. Sometimes children become very controlling, sometimes siblings become very controlling control is a common problem.
And you know, when you control someone, you try to stop them from doing something, then you're making something haram for them, that Allah has already made. Hello. Now let's come to the Quran. My subject was family challenges. And our first challenge is going to be this understanding family challenges in shade in the shade of understanding the concept of halal and haram now, the Prophet of Allah salAllahu alayhi, salam,
he loved his wives. And he's used to spend equal time with his wives. And one of his wives decided to keep him a little bit longer by getting some honey that she knew he really liked. And he would taste that honey, and he would sit there and he wouldn't even know that extra time is passing by. And now he's just sitting there spending a little too much time, five extra minutes, 10 extra minutes, 15 extra minutes. When he gets to the second wife to spend some time with her, she noticed that she's getting a little less time. And she doesn't want to come out and say, Hey, what's going on here? You're late. So she finds another, you know, on social media nowadays to say, tell me, I
don't want you to spend more time with her. Without telling me I don't want you to spend more time with her. So our mother, the Mother of the Believers, tells the prophets lie to them. There's a strange smell coming from your mouth. There's a strange smell. What was what smell? Was she talking about? The honey. Now the prophets lie. Selim is very sensitive. And he cares about the feelings of his wife. And he says, I will never eat that again. I will never have that honey because he loves his wife so much. Now, this is something very normal. If you're, if your wife says, Hey, I don't want you to go there. Okay, I promise I will never go there again. You're always watching football.
Okay, I'll never watch any football ever again. I promise I love you so much.
And then you say in parentheses in front of you.
But he's, somebody says to you, I feel bad that you're doing something, I feel bad. And you say to yourself, you know what, in order to make you feel better, I'm going to change I'm going to make something haram on myself. Right? Because it'll make you feel better. So you give somebody a part of your rights. And you say, even though Allah is okay with it,
even though Allah is okay with it, Allah is not, there's no sin in eating that honey, but you don't like it. So for you, I'm going to make a change find the opening ayah of the surah Allah reveals an IO to the Prophet sallallahu how many IR did I say I'm going to talk to you about? Remember something else something you know, the first idea is for the profit.
And then the second idea is now that I've told your profit now I'm going to tell you
the first idea is for the profit slice and then the second idea is for you and me. That's what happens. So the lesson began with those who Allah and then went to us now watch. Yeah, you have to be Lima to help. Remember I had Allah hulak De Lima datos magic
prophet. Why are you making haram? Something Allah made halal for you
in order to please or in order to pursue making your spouses happy.
Hola Hola. foto Rahim and ALLAH is forgiving. Allah is Rahim. When Allah mentioned is ALLAH is forgiving. Allah says that if you're doing something wrong,
yeah, don't do this. And the Prophet when he says, Why are you doing this? And then he answers himself. Are you doing this because you want to make who happy? Your spouses have you want to make them happy? That's what you're doing.
it well Allah put a stop to that and said, You can't do that anymore. And Allah has forgiven what happened. Well Allah Hua Rahim. But this this cannot happen again.
But if he doesn't eat a little bit of honey, it's not like the mission of Islam is going to fail.
It's not like but that is in trouble or hurt is in trouble. It's not the end of the world. It's just a little bit of sacrifice for one of his spouses. Why is the whole idea of the Quran coming down on this tiny little issue? And it's not even iron number 10 or iron number 12 It's iron number what is number one and later on in the Surah way towards the end? He says yeah, you have Nebrija hadal kuffaar Our Munna Filipina we're gonna look at him, Prophet, struggle against the kuffaar struggle against the Munna Philippine be harsh with them, the Prophet was the governor of Medina, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he has to deal with people trying to destroy the government from the inside. He's
dealing with the enemies from the outside. He's the head of state, he's the general of the military. These are big issues, big issues later right now, don't make honey haram for you. That's issue number one. Isn't that strange? You would think the issue that has to do with national security, the issue that has to do with war, the issue that has to do with government stability, that should be issue number one, and this small, little drama situation between a husband and a wife. That can be a later issue, if at all an issue. Why is this number one, and by the way, the surah was not named after the big issue.
The surah was named after this because to Allah, this is a very, very, very big issue.
Why is this such a big issue? Quran has guidance for all of us until Judgment Day. Why did Allah take such a small episode between a husband and a wife, and he turned it into the opening of a surah of the Quran until Judgment Day, because Allah is teaching us a timeless principle of relationships and family pregnancy problems. Sometimes my father might want to make something haram for me that Allah made halal.
And he won't say I'm making it haram, he's just gonna say if you do this, I'll be very disappointed.
Right? Allah has no problem with it. The law has no problem with it, only my dad has a problem with it.
Sometimes my wife could say that sometimes your husband could say that sometimes your siblings could say that. Sometimes your culture could say that nothing is wrong with it. As far as Allah is concerned, if you did it, and you came before Allah and judgment day, Allah would have no problem with you. But who has somebody in your family has a problem with it? And because of their feelings, you deprive yourself from doing something that Allah actually was okay with, by the way, depriving yourself is actually called Herrmann from the same word that had been depriving yourself. So I decided to deprive myself for example, if when my wife isn't like this, what if she was she said, I
don't like it when you play basketball. If you love me, you won't play basketball.
So okay, because I love you so much. I will play basketball anymore.
Now a part of my soul has just died.
Because Allah didn't make it haram. But she made it. And even though I'm saying I'm doing this out of love for her, you know what's happening slowly, I'm starting to build a negative feeling towards her. Why cannot she let me do something that makes me happy? Why does she want to have this control over me? What is bothering her? So my why? Why is this such a such a problem for her, maybe she doesn't love me for who I am. Maybe she only loves me for who she wants me to turn into. She doesn't want me as a person, she wants to mold me into some other version that she likes. So this is not about loving me. This is about loving what she wants for me to be. You understand. So in the
Instagram language, you need someone who loves you for who you are.
Quran already said that much better, much, much better. The idea is, I cannot I cannot sustain a relationship. If I keep slicing away parts of myself that Allah did not make haram only to make someone else happy. And by the way, when you do that many people do that. Millions of people in the world do that. They do that for their husband or their wife. They do that for their parents. They they were choosing a career. Their mother said don't do that career. I don't want you to do that career do this career instead. Mom, I hate that career. If you love me, you will do it. You want your mother to be happy with you or not. You want to go to Jana or no, because if your mother is not
happy with you, how are you going to build agenda?
On your low, just in Islam say your mother has the right yes, it doesn't say Jana is right here.
you want this or no?
You're fine. I'll give up my dreams, my aspirations my business plans, my career, my the person I wanted to marry whoever. I'll give all of that up because my mom will not let me go to Jana because when Judgment Day happens, my mother will stand there. Yeah, Allah I know before the proceedings begin, I need to make sure
is that how Judgment Day works? You think?
The day on which everybody's running away from everybody else, your mom's gonna stop and say he'll hold on Ayala Hold on a second, I got an issue. She chose accounting.
And I wanted her to choose medicine.
Now we can begin the rest of Judgment Day.
We've created this religious emotional hijacking type situation. And people think this is from Islam. You know what is from Islam. Nobody has a right to make something haram that Allah has made halal. And that's one of the gifts of Islam. That's one of its gifts. People in the people in the mental health space, people that are studying psychology, people that are studying marital relationships and parental psychology and teen psychology, these experts are not talking about this concept. They call it boundaries. You have to set proper boundaries for yourself. You have to assert your rights. You cannot let somebody walk all over your rights. You cannot give somebody else
domination and control over you etc etc. Allah already set it in one if
you want to help remember Hello Hola. Hola. And then he turned the second I was about you right? He turned to you and me and he said, But Farah Allahu La Quinta Hill letter a Monaco.
Allah is now making it mandatory for you.
Now he turns to you and me. Allah has made it mandatory. Follow the Allah hula comb. He has made it mandatory for you. What did he make mandatory for you? The Hill letter Emani calm
to undo any promises you made.
I am making it mandatory for you to break any promises you made that you'd made something haram for yourself that Allah made halal, mandatory
Allah men, Allah commanded us to be free.
He commanded us to be liberated. Can you imagine this is one of the most fundamental principles of the Quran, and is one of the most forgotten realities in Muslim cultures around the world. People are miserable. People are just I hear this all the time. I can't believe how much I hear this. How many people are making choices in their life, not because they want to, but because someone else is forcing that choice on them. And their own choice is being made haram on them, even though Allah never made it haram on them. This kind of a control culture is actually oppression, it's volume. And one of the things that Islam came to do is to free us from the slavery of people and bring this into
the slavery of Allah. Because when you're in the slavery of Allah, you're truly free from people. People have rights, my parents have rights. My spouse has rights. My kids have rights, but they don't have a right to trample over my rights. So long as you're not doing wrong to anyone else. You're not doing anything wrong. If your mom or your dad or your brother whoever said to you, if you ever talk to your cousin again.
I will not make dua for you anymore.
Then you're like Ah
well, you know what? Let's try it anyway.
I know there's a saying I at least in addition, there's a saying it's better to say sorry, than to say please, so just do it. This is sorry later.
Hey, I call you're going to stop making dua.
Yeah, why did you call I'm not going to make dua for you? Well, that kind of dua hijacking doesn't exactly work does it? Because it's not like Allah azza wa jal lets an oppressor and gives an oppressor guaranteed answer to their doors. It's not how it works. So this is the first Quran principle that I really want you to study, understand and contemplate, and that comes from the two ayat of surah. At a hurry to really understand when Allah has made something halal. No one has the right to make it hard on not even our families. I can't make that for my children. They cannot make that for me. Not my parents, not for me spouses with each other. Now we're gonna listen to somebody
out of Sutala hisab and I'll talk to you about the second bit.
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are going to listen to some art from Sutala Zarb now, so today's episode number 33.
The surah is also uniquely talking about a family situation in the life of the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam. And this personal life of the Prophet alayhi salatu salam was turned into a scandal by the hypocrites, and they tried to make a problem in the prophets family life, and a lot of that is discussed in Surah to Lhasa. But by the end of certolizumab, Allah gave the Muslims a warning.
And he said as our chef beautifully recited, yeah, even Lavina Amanu la Taku Nuka Lavina though Musa don't become like those of you who have Iman, don't become like people who caused hurt to Musa they hurt musasa meaning what you're the kinds of things you're saying about your Prophet are hurting him the way that the Israelites used to say things that used to hurt Musa alayhis salam for Barbra hula hooping Makalu what kind of end Allah He were jihad. And Allah declared him innocent from all the things they used to say about him. And he was honored as someone to be able to face Allah, meaning had great honor with Allah, this is musante sinner. But now the principle at the end of it all the
real principles that I want to talk to you about the first principle was about boundaries of halal and haram. And whether or not culture clashes with it. This second principle is about communication. Because if you heard what I said in the first part of this discussion, you might say that's it. Today's the day, I'm going to go back and tell Mom, Mom, what you're saying,
is not haram in Islam. So I have a right.
And you sound like that. So. So when you decide to do that, you know what's going to happen next in that Allah who when they hear it, all, right? Oh, yeah, this is your Islam. This is what you learn how to disrespect your family. Is that what Islam teaches you show me that, Oh, my God, you're gonna hear some
because they have years of practice.
And you suck at this. So when you try to speak up, you're gonna get destroyed, you're gonna get ruined? You've tried before. That's why you email me how do I talk to my parents? Because, you know, how do I talk to so because you don't know how to speak up for yourself. And the moment you try to speak up for yourself, there are people who know how to crush your voice. There are people who know how to silence you even without saying anything. You know that. Quran even describes those people from my novel, from my bizarre bizarre, that usually gonna be upside down. Let me tell you what these mean. You go and speak the truth to someone, you know that. It's wrong what you're saying. I
love you, but it's wrong. He doesn't say anything. He just looks at you.
He lets you melt within yourself for about 1015 seconds and let you get uncomfortable inside your own skin. questioning your existence. You're late and equal to Taraba. Like he wants you to get a glimpse of judgment day right now. And he'll just do his judgy eyes.
That's enough. You're done. You don't I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Allah gave us a principle. But he didn't just give us a principle. He gave us the value of that printer. What if you do this? What do you get it
Return. Okay. When you speak the truth, you know you get trouble, right? If you say what's right, there's always going to be trouble. What you're really feeling if you express it, you're going to have real problems in your family. That's why a lot of times your family tells you don't say anything, okay? Don't say anything. Because if you see something is going to be a real problem. It's better just to be quiet. It's better not to speak up. Everybody around the world gets this advice. If you know what's good for you. Shut up. Don't say anything. Don't talk about it. Don't you know they get very upset? You know how your uncle gets? You know how your brother gets? You know how your
mom gets? Don't you know your mom has a heart condition right? You want to kill her? Do you want to kill her?
I don't want to kill her then shut up.
You know, don't you know about suburb? You should have sovereign
and we made a new definition of southern in that's not from Islam. Our new definition of somebody Shut up.
Right that's the new definition of southern so if something is wrong, don't say anything do what instead do somebody instead? Allah says what our soul will healthy. What our service server first you speak the truth, then you have summer
whatever. So we'll headquarter was on the sub. We say no, no, skip the truth part just to the southern part.
So and we and somebody sounds like an Islamic thing to do. So here we are violating the Quran. Ignoring its principle of actually speaking the truth, speaking the right thing, the right thing. And then we're calling it Saba, which is again, the whole point of subverting the Quran is, when you speak the truth, you will face difficulty and when you face difficulty, you have to have sub and when you have sub, you will speak the truth again, and things will get more difficult. And then you have to have sub again. And then you have to speak the truth again, and things will keep getting harder and harder. And Allah is with you what I was hoping hockey was of a sub. But what about
Allah says the I told you what do you get from speaking that will find you get a lot of problems? What What reward do you get? Allah says useless.
So what are the most amazing small phrases in the Quran?
Allah, let me ask you this. Are our deeds perfect?
Is my salah perfect? Is my dog perfect? Is my remembrance of Allah perfect. Was my hedge or my is anything perfect? No. Allah says if you do this one thing.
I will take your imperfect actions, and I will consider them perfect.
You slip like Omar and Malcolm, one of its meaning is user Kiama law. This was a Havas understanding of this item.
And the other meaning is yet a couple has an article which means I will accept all of your deeds and consider them good, even if they weren't as good.
But you have to give me something first.
If you give me this one thing, I will give you this in return. What will Allah give me in return? He will take my imperfect actions and he will consider them what? Perfect. They'll purify the he'll remove the impurities from that. So what does he want from me? He says I want you to do this. If duckula kolu colon sadita That's the shot. You're like Omar malaco, Mr. Joe barbershop. What's the condition the condition is Be mindful of Allah. Be mindful of Allah. And while being mindful of Allah say things that are straightforward,
speak in a straightforward way. Speak in a way that is right. Speak in a way that is whole and is complete. The words are Kulu colon sadita. Now let me tell you what study that means. Studied actually is used in different ways in the Arabic language. A set can also be heard them like you know the lid on a bottle when you when you cover the bottle and tighten it. So even if you flip the bottle, nothing comes out. That's also called a sad. Speak in a way that you said everything you had to say, and nothing is left. It's completely covered. The subject is closed. You didn't say half the thing, and you left half the thing. You ended the subject. You let it all out. You don't say I'm
going to tell them a little bit right now. And let's see how they react. And I will say a little bit later. And let's see how things go. And then I'll say a little bit. No, no, no, no, no. Speak the entire truth. Now does that is that scary? By the way speaking the entire truth. It's terrifying. It is terrifying, especially with those we love speaking the entire truth is absolutely terrifying. That's why Allah started by saying it Akula Hawa Kulu cola and salida become mindful and fearful of Allah so much so that the fear of people will leave you
If and only then are you going to be able to say something that is straightforward.
Then even when you're gonna say something straightforward, sudden Arabic also means straightness is the comma straightness. That's why the there's difference of opinion about this poem. Fella mustard does I do hold on man If Allah mustard gas I do Romani. There's two views. I like I said that, like they talk about, like, the poet talks about someone he says, or a limo reminder taco Laon. I taught him how to shoot arrows every day. Like he taught somebody archery every day. Yeah, he says fella mustard does I do who Rahmani when finally his shot became perfect. The first one he shot was me.
You know? And then he says welcome where I live a home in Belleville coffee fella makalah coffee and her journey. And how much did I I taught him poetry every day to make the poetry lines perfect. And his first poem was roasting me. So
so the but in the in that poem, he uses the idea of the shot being perfect instead, which is the same word in this idea. Hulu colon sadita. That's what I was referring to that poem. The point that's being made here is we can speak in ways that are not straight.
We can speak in ways we're about to say something. And right at the right moment. You change the subject.
What do you want to say about I wanted to tell you that you
are late for work.
Your last moment the arrow changes direction.
I wanted to tell you something about yesterday. What did you want to tell me about yesterday? Well, yesterday, it was raining.
This is Gulu Golden City, that means you have the courage to actually what? Let it out. You have to actually be able to say I wrote some things down about what possible situations you and I could be in. Sometimes it's what you truly feel.
You're not letting if Omaha note mean, didn't say anything about the honey and said, I feel like you're spending less time with me than you are with her. And that bothers me. That would be colon sadena That will be called on Sunday. What can we do about that?
Sometimes olan sadita Is I'm afraid of speaking directly about something so I'm hoping they get it through hence.
And when they don't get it through hence then this is the new disease in the OMA that I've seen. If you can't you don't want to speak directly. Okay, I can't speak directly. It's too scary. I'm just going to make dua
then you say oh Stan, I make so much to Allah doesn't answer my door.
What's to do on that my father understands what I'm going through. Have you talked to your father? Have you met my father? The only thing I can do is make dua No, no, no. You have to speak straightforward. No, no, no, I can't do that. That's why I'm making dua. So can you tell me some secret though, I can make that my dad will telepathically understand what I'm going No, Allah said speak straight. Allah said, be mindful of Allah and speak straight and you know what we've done, we've turned da into this justification for our coward leaders. I'm too scared to do the right thing. So I'm just gonna make Allah do it.
What does it say? How Allah helped me with the situation? I can't I can't I can. Yes, you can it duckula Hawa oluwo, colons Aveda, then, similarly, you have to be able to express not just because of the fear of someone, sometimes we have the fear of hurting someone. Right? Even rasool Allah Azza wa sallam is not afraid of his spouse, but he's afraid of hurting her feelings. So sometimes out of love of someone you get away from Overland sadita. Right. And you you just want to be considerate to them. So you don't want to say anything. Oh, look, they're going through so much. They're so stressed at work. They have so many things going on. I don't want to tell them what I'm going
through on top of that, let me show mercy to them. And let me not say anything, because I'm looking out for them. Let me just tell you something. When you become silent, because you're showing somebody else Rama, who are you not showing Rama to
yourself, and when you do enough, volunteer yourself, eventually shutdown will get you or you will keep boiling and boiling and boiling and one day you will explode. And the person will say why didn't you tell me before?
I was quiet for you. And also for me. That's stupid. You should have said it.
No, you don't appreciate how quiet I was. How would I know you were quiet? I didn't know you were quiet. I just thought you have a speaking problem.
We think we're doing something for somebody else's sake.
But you know what human beings cannot recognize that. We can't see the rave. You can't hide the truth. Because you're saving someone's feelings. Hola me.
Get them strong enough to be able, if Allah made you strong enough to speak the truth, he made them strong enough to hear the truth. You don't you don't have to tell yourself if I speak the truth they will die. Life and death is in Allah's hands. Your words are not that that toxic or that that powerful that you can speak and people. Like that doesn't happen. You don't have to over over exaggerate the power of your words. And then some people are dramatic. So if you do tell them, if you tell your sister, hey, you know what you said the other day was wrong.
And she says
I can't believe you did this to me. You did this to me.
If they do that, just
get them a glass of water and say
you'll get over it.
It's okay. This you can finish crying with me keep talking. Don't get intimidated by somebody else's emotional drama.
Just because you said the right thing and somebody's having a huge reaction. And you're like, oh my god, I just ruined their life. No, you didn't. You just spoke the truth. And you were fearful of Allah. And the way by the way, it's so beautiful that Allah says it took hula hula Kulu Collins Aveda. Because if I'm going to say the right thing, there's the right way to say it too. And if I don't have Taqwa of Allah first, I'm going to say it in a cruel way. Or I'll say it in a ruthless way. I'll say it in an angry way or a harsh way or a resentful way. But if I have Taqwa of Allah, and I say the right thing, even if I'm saying something difficult, I will say it respectfully,
because I have Taqwa of Allah. So that first part of the ayah protects me from seeing something in the wrong way. Now,
there's some other ways in which this idea applies.
Sometimes I mess up,
I did something wrong.
And it's really hard to say sorry.
It's really hard.
Because for some people, if you say sorry, they say it's okay. I know. It's okay.
But other people,
if you say sorry to them,
they in their mind, it looks like you were like this. And the moment you said, Sorry, you just did this. And this is the time for them to Kaboosh. So you're like, I cannot say sorry to this person. Because the moment I say sorry, they will go on the attack, because they will know my guard is down. You understand? So you get so afraid of apologizing. Because you know, once you apologize, they will destroy you. They will absolutely wreck you. You have to have the courage of not being afraid of somebody else's wrongdoing. You will have to say what if you did, if I did something wrong, I've got to be strong enough to be able to say I did something wrong.
Instead of being terrified of what the other will do, they can do other kinds of wrong. Because you let your guard down, you became vulnerable, you put your defenses down. But you know what it took Hola, hola, Kulu kala Selita. If there is an apology needed, you must give an apology. What they do after that that's their business. That's their business. But you did it for something much more rewarding.
Like Allah says he'll make all of your imperfect deeds acceptable. Now,
there's some other important, really hard colons indeed.
Sometimes you get forced to forgive someone,
you're forced to just forgive them, just forgive them, just forgive them. Fine, forgive them. But you don't really forgive them.
You don't really forgive them. Or it's difficult for you to forgive them. And it's it you know, it could be a situation in a family where there's a family member who's really caused a lot of damage. And you're supposed to keep normal relationship with them. You go see them every year, you go see them every other month. And there's something deep inside you that they did, but they're laughing and joking, like nothing ever happened. Right? And you're like, I don't want to ruin the eve party and say something. So you keep it inside yourself. You know what? You've got to let people know that you have something in your heart.
That's colon sadita. To you've got to let them know, Hey, you, you said this. And it really caused me a lot of hurt. And I don't see you the same way anymore. I don't talk to you the same way anymore. I don't trust you the same way anymore. And this is why and I'm only telling you because I want to fix this. Tell me how. But I can't we can't fix it. If we don't talk about it. We can't fix it. If we don't address it. I can't pretend that it never happened. And then it's gonna go away on its own. So many problems in our family are being addressed in one tiny little phrase Kulu colon salida the last the last one
Lesson here. That's the hardest one.
You tell someone how you really feel.
You really hurt me. You did this. You did this, you do this. And they say, What should we do about this? I want to fix it. What do we do? I don't know.
I just wanted to that.
Just want you to listen. Okay, listen. Now what I'm gonna make you listen again tomorrow.
And next week, and the week after. And by the way, you still it still hurts. Yes, I know. I did that in 1983. But what do we do now, but you're not listening to me. I've been listening since 1983. But you haven't listened enough. There's a lecture I heard about colon sadita. That means I have to do this every day.
It's so easy to misuse this, isn't it. So you, you have something to say. But you turn that into a daily vicar.
And you keep bringing it up and bringing it up and bringing it up and bringing it up. Now who's the wrongdoer?
You are, say something once, say it definitively and end it. And once you ended, stop going back.
Studied also means to put a lid on remember, say something in its final form. Don't keep leaking it a little than leaking it a little than leaking it a little. Every time you get into an argument, you bring up the same old thing again, and again. And again. And again in the person says y'all Allah.
Would you did you forgive? Because last time I said sorry, you said I forgive you. Now you're repeating it like that the last conversation never happened. And I'm saying sorry, again, you need more Istighfar than Allah.
Would Allah when I make us the heart for something that's done with you I have to do daily is to follow the same sin.
But then you say, okay, I forgive you, then you undo it. And then you have to do it again, then you have to do it again. This is what Colin sadita teaches me. If I do have an issue with someone, I have to talk about it in a way that that one time is the final time. It's going to be a hard conversation. But it's going to be the final time we have that conversation. Now we don't have to talk about that again. It's done. It's finished. And it truly represents what's going on inside of my heart. Allah made me this, this teacher teaches me this principle. And again, I remind you that as I close this, what is the value of doing this? It's really hard to do. But if you do this, what
does Allah give you in return, you'll slip the comb.
While your fella comes on Uber calm, he will correct all of your deeds. He will purify all of your deeds. He will consider all of your deeds good enough to be accepted. And he will forgive all of your sins. Don't go back home.
Because even as you're pointing out somebody else's wrong doesn't mean you're perfect. You need your stuff to be figured out. Right? Well, my daughter in law Sula, who forgot Faza falls on Earth Lima, we're going to the amazing language of the Quran. Allah says, Whoever obeys Allah, and His Messenger has attained great success. That statement is in this ayah.
That statement is in this ayah which means speaking up, speaking, right, speaking in definitive ways, being transparent and honest and open and respectful about your communication. That is an act of obedience to Allah and His messenger and leads to ultimate success.
Allah tells us to do things, but he doesn't add at the end. And by the way, this is an act of obedience to Allah and His messenger. And if you do this, you will have great success. He doesn't tell us for example, you know, pray, and then he'll mention like eight different benefits of the prayer, or he doesn't mention to me fast. And then he'd say, by the way, if you fast this is this will happen. But that doesn't always happen. But here, Allah is mentioning one principle. And at the end of that principle, he says, This is a demonstration of those who obey Allah and His messenger. And this is done by those who attain great success. This is Allah going out of his way, at the end
of Sutala, Zab to really make me realize the weight of these words, that the impact of these words, and so I pray that you and I are able to really internalize these words to principles I tried to give you over the course of the last hour. One principle was, if something isn't haram, don't let that become haram for yourself. And the second is learn to speak up for yourself courageously with the Taqwa of Allah, and definitively and don't become abusive in your language also, right? We can do these two things. May Allah azza wa jal accept all of our deeds, all of our imperfect deeds, may Allah consider them perfect, and include us among the ranks of those that have been successful.
Thank you so very much for listening to Zack McLaughlin.
Salam or aleikum wa rahmatullah wa
salam aleikum wa rahmatullah. I am truly grateful and truly excited to be announcing that I am the director of the world Quran convention this year. Every year this convention revolves around taking inspiration from a particular Surah of the Quran. So the people involved in this convention throughout the year they study and contemplate one particular surah and then celebrate all of the lessons learned and all of the things we can implement into the OMA as individuals as families and as a collective from from inspiration taken from that surah. So this year surah is going to be sorted in son, a surah. I've studied quite a lot and I've lectured on quite extensively, and
inshallah we're gonna see some great, great events and great scholars come and participate in this convention this year. I'm really hoping you guys can join me and I want to make this into a global event where people are coming from around the world and celebrating the book of Allah together. I hope you'll see me there world Quran convention this December