Answering Interesting Questions

Nouman Ali Khan

Channel: Nouman Ali Khan

Episode Notes

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Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan takes some time out to patiently answer some questions that warrant a suitable answer. Some of them are as below:

  • I have become completely disillusioned from this world because of some events and from relationships and people. Please suggest something.
  • My parents have been at a minimum psychologically abusive, verbally abusive, physically abusive, sexually abusive. How can one handle this situation appropriately?
  • I have divorced parents and so my mom and dad live in two different houses and I am the only daughter and when I’m spending time with mom I feel bad because I feel like I’m abandoning dad but when I’m with dad I feel bad that I’m not with mom and that makes me feel guilty. I’m torn on both sides .how am I supposed to achieve this balance?
  • A lady who’s very old and has taken Shahada and her memory is so bad that she can’t even get up and stand up at that point. How can one even help her she doesn’t even remember Arabic?

Many more pertinent questions make the cut and deserve a fair listen in order for us to be acquainted with the reality of today and the difficulties faced by many.

Episode Transcript

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Salam, alaikum, warahmatullah wabarakatuh guys, I'm sitting here in my hotel room in The Hague. And I have collected some questions that you've sent me, I'm going to try to go through as many of them as I can in a few minutes. I don't want to make this too long. I know it's very late for some of you.

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So, just want to start off by saying that some people came and asked me some really, really heavy questions, and it made me appreciate that there's

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that a lot of you are going through some very, very difficult times in life, and we'll let make them easy for you. Even if I don't get to answer everybody's questions, I know there's a lot of depression, a lot of anxiety, a lot of people suffering from abuse at the hands of others, dealing with very difficult situations in life. And I'm just praying that Allah makes those things easy for you. And that

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Allah azzawajal finds you a way out from the difficulty that you find yourselves in. So anyway, so here's the first one. These are some of them from Instagram, I have become completely disillusioned from this world because of some events, and from relationships. And people, please suggest something.

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Very often people hurt us. And when they do, we tend to develop a very gloomy outlook on life altogether.

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You know, we have to learn to let go of expectations from people. And really, at the end of the day, you can only control your own behavior, you can't control anybody else. And so when people have disappointed you and have hurt you, and relationships have gone bad, then it's really, really important for you to take a step back and really find what gives you peace. rediscover your connection with a lot but at the same time, also take care of your own mental, emotional and physical health, eat, right? do exercise, do things that make you feel good, and also engaged prayer and recitation of Quran and things like that. And don't overwhelm yourself. Don't dwell on thinking

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about what people have done to you, because that'll eat away at you. And you're just going to be miserable.

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I know we can't guide our, our loved ones, but how can I lead my parents to the right path? They really don't want to listen, that's a really hard one. And first of all, I don't know if you want to call it the right path, because that's a no in some sense. It's kind of self righteous. What you want to think about is, first and foremost that there were people like Ibraheem alehissalaam, who was much better than you and I will ever be and he couldn't convince his father. Right. So he you can't guide whoever you love and Nicoletta de mana, the prophet was told, you don't guide whoever you love. So, first of all, acknowledge that guidance and misguidance is not in our hands. people's

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hearts are in Allah's hands, he's more comfortable. kulu is the one who changes the hearts. Our job is just to give concerned reminder. So there is no secret ingredient secret figure way to figure out how you can guide somebody else even the Prophet was told. That's not in his control. It's difficult to let go. And I know sometimes we really want our loved ones to be the way we want them to be, and to leave things that we know are harmful for them. But they are also adults in human beings that have to make their own decisions and you can't decide that for them. Even our messenger told his daughter, it'll be a lot more on her and he sallallahu Sallam told her file, you have ultimate

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Mohammed tequila in Illa, Allah Khuda ki min Allah, He Sheikha Fatima, daughter of Mohammed, you need to be cautious of Allah on your own because I will not have any control when it comes to a love for you. I won't be able to save you, you will have to work on that yourself. Is there any way to know if bad things are happening as a punishment? Or God wants to forgive your sins or raise your level of faith? Yeah, that's a that's a tough one.

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First of all, let's just take some basic fundamentals that you should never forget.

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Allah is not punishing you. Number one, you're not being punished by Allah if you're being punished by this is not why Allah created this world to punish humanity. Allah azzawajal came or gave us this revelation and gave us this message to teach us about himself. And he created us so he can show us mercy a llama Mara mcweeny Delica hola como la created a so he can show us mercy and give us his love and care. So the difficult things that you're going through in life are there to mold you and craft you into a stronger human being I mentioned this in story night tonight. You know, lots of really terrible things happened with Musashi Salaam, he, you know, had to run away from home he was,

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you know, starve to death. He lived in exile for so long, even as a baby he was almost killed. He saw all kinds of injustice in front of him. The same thing with Yusuf Ali Salaam had a terrible childhood, was kidnapped, was thrown into a well came out of there was, you know, kidnapped and taken and turned into a slave and a servant and after that, falsely accused and thrown into jail like one unfair thing after another after another, none of which was his fault. None of this was his fault. So when these kinds of things happen, you know, you would think Yusuf Ali Salaam should ask himself What have I done to deserve this? Why is Allah punishing me But actually, sometimes

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Those difficult matters, those difficult life experiences are there for a greater good. masala Salaam had to go through those experiences to one day reach the mountain. And Allah said to him was it da, da, da, da, da, you came right on schedule, meaning all of the events that happened, one led to the next to the next to the next which had to lead to this mountain, you would never may have made it to this mountain to meet with Allah. If you didn't go through those difficult experiences. The same way that you know you Musab Yusuf Ali Islam would never have been able to help the king interpret the dream if he wasn't in jail. And he gets out of jail interprets this dream. And as a

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result, 1000s of people and especially children are saved from starvation, that one child suffering became salvation for so many hundreds of 1000s of children, right? So don't think of your difficulty as a curse from Allah as a punishment from Allah, maybe you're going through a hard time because Allah wants you to become an inspiration for others who are going through such a hard time, maybe you need to come out of this stronger so that you can become a source of strength for others. And you have to start thinking about, you know, instead of I think about my problems as Why is this happening to me, but rather, what Greater Good Will I do when I overcome this? This is the mentality

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you have to develop because this is the larger plan Allah has for you. Okay.

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In Berlin, you talked about having enemies in your family, dude, I didn't talk about no enemies in your family.

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I said some things, but that's pretty extreme. How can we deal with this kind of problem? We have families really hard. Well, congratulations. That's life. And you sometimes people say weird things like I wish I had a normal family. Let me just tell you, there is no such thing as a normal family. All of us have weird families, which don't tell anybody. Okay. So

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the old stories are getting tiring.

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The The point is that, you know, even prophets had difficulty in their families, all of them. Ibrahim Alayhi Salaam trouble with his dad was also Salaam trouble was his uncle, you know, Yahoo, by some trouble with his kids, no trouble with his wife, like, nobody, nobody had a normal, easy family situation, every one of them had one challenge or the other, or the other, or the other. So the fact that we have challenges in our families is a part of life. And those people have put them in our family, because they're the only ones that

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you know, there are some times there are people in your family that if they weren't in your family, you would never ever cross paths with.

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Right? So it's like a loss decree that they had these people had to be in your family. So maybe some good will come to them. from you. This is sometimes you wonder really, how are you my brother? How are you? My cousin? Like, how are you my uncle? or How are you my dad, like, there's you have nothing in common. But that's Allah decreed that he put people together sometimes that are very difficult for each other. Because that's how you're supposed to bring guidance, Allah message was supposed to come to them through you maybe, how can I control my anger, if I lose respect towards my mother very easily? ish, I really don't want to be like that. And right after being that I regret

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it.

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Sometimes parents can be very difficult, they can very easily provoke you. They can say things that agitate you very quickly, this could be a two way street, you may have a serious anger problem, use snap very easily, and you lose your temper over things that you shouldn't be losing your temper over. Or it may very well be that your mom just knows exactly what buttons to press to set you off. And she's just good at that. And then then you feel guilty afterwards. But I think it's probably good to take a step back and take stock of every time that's happened, what exactly has happened, and what is it that's annoyed you so much or agitated you so much. And maybe try to have as

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difficult as it may be an open conversation with your mom, about how you don't want to have these situations anymore. And you're sorry for them. But we want to fix this. And if you've identified some things that you're doing wrong, then take a step back and acknowledge them and take stock of them. And if you think there's some things that she says that really get under your skin, then try to have that direct conversation. It may not happen in the first time or second time. But I think the more the more transparent a conversation becomes, the better it is in the long run. And sometimes these things cannot get solved. And that's another thing sometimes No matter how much you

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try to talk to somebody, things aren't going to change and the only thing you can do is you can't control what they're going to say or they're going to do. But you certainly are responsible for your what you're gonna say or do so. May Allah make you better in control of what you you know, how you behave in those circumstances. And by the way, it's okay if you're about to lose your temper to say, Mom, I'm sorry. I'm just going to go because I don't want to say something bad. And she says Where are you going? Come back here or whatever. If you know you're going to just mess up if you come back this It's okay. Just go I'm really sorry, Mom, I'm just gonna go make withdrawal or something or go

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pray. You know, and some of our moms are suffering from depression and anxiety and they say things that they really don't mean and people that are going through that they say some very very hurtful things and you have to kind of

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Look at them as patients sometimes I don't know what they're saying and as hard as it is take it with a thick skin and ignore it and, you know, let it be.

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In any case, is it any good to pray for a person to change or ask for their guidance since Allah subhana wa Taala says he would only guide those who want to change themselves. You can pray for people's guidance. And but you can't ask a lot of change people.

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You can ask a lot of guide, that's fine. But this whole changing business like we really want things to be molded to our preference. That's not how it works. The only one that you can really exact change over is yourself. And other than that, ask a lot of show mercy, forgiveness and guidance. Okay. Don't worry about change.

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In my in relation to one of your recent posts dedicated to your parents, I love that post. You mentioned something along the lines of treating your parents with a son as the bare minimum What do we do if caring for a palliative? palliative parent feels like it's never good enough. Despite the reality we'll never be able to repay them. Yeah, that's a really I thank you for your question. Tyrese, really, really important question, even if I don't get to answer any other question. I think this is this is valuable enough to kind of dig into a lot of people come up to me with questions about their parents, and I didn't put this in my post, I put, I put in my post what I appreciate

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about my parents, what I love about them, and how blessed I am to have them. But there are lots of people guys that come up to me, and

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they tell me about terrible experiences with their parents. I mean, I have, I have been witness to parents that have been, at minimum psychologically abusive, verbally abusive. I've heard about parents that are physically abusive, sexually abusive, I've seen all kinds of things. And it's hard to even hear sometimes that parents can do that. And first, you know, if I was to, I mean, I'm afraid to write something like that, that would put a sour taste in everybody's mouth as as they read it. But I do want to say for parents like that, that are abusive, you know, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Allah gave you an honor, greater than so many other creations on this earth.

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And he only gave you that honor, because you take care of your children, you raise them, all the answers come out of biani Sahara, they ensured my growth. So your part was as a parent, you ensured that they grow well, that they're taken care of that their needs are provided for that they're protective, that they're safe, when you took that safety away from them, when you took their dignity away from them, when you humiliated them, when you abused them, when you hit them, when you when you did these things to them that put them down, that made them feel made them feel worthless, then you have taken this huge honor that Allah gave you, and you have abused it and you've mutilated it.

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That's a crime. That's a grand grand crime. I'm not even talking to the kids. I'm talking to those parents. That that's that's something you I don't know how you answer a law. And then on top of doing all of those crimes, you have the audacity to turn to those kids that you've abused, and then say you better be good to me, because Allah says, We're bill Wiley, they need Salah. That is not how that works. That is not how that works, we have to be, and I'll dig into that ayah because that expression is really important. If someone means to do your very, very best, please listen to this carefully. This is an important concept that is not very commonly talked about.

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If you have, for example, somebody came to me today and said they have divorced parents. Okay, so mom and dad live in two different houses. She's the only daughter. And when I'm spending time with Mom, I feel bad because I feel like I'm abandoning dad, when I'm with Dad, I feel bad that I'm not with Mom, mom makes me feel guilty. When I'm with Dad, dad makes me feel guilty when I'm with mom, and I'm pouring on both sides and you're supposed to be the best to your parents. How am I supposed to achieve this balance, listen, take a step back and understand something, the word son means the very best that you can do the very best that you can do. In that situation, when you identify dad,

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these are the times that I'm going to spend with you. And that's the best I can do. Mom, here's the time that I can give you because I have work, I have school, I have these other responsibilities, here's what I can give you this is the best that I can do. Even after that when they're giving you guilt trips and making you feel like you're worthless and all that if you can turn to ally and say this is the best that I can do. Yeah, Allah and you know, you know that that's the best that I can do, then that's fine. In the in one case, when a parent is extremely abusive, and he just being in their company is harming you, it's literally harming you physically, emotionally in some other way.

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It's harming you, then being away from them and keeping a safe distance from them is the best that you can do. There's nothing better that you can do. So if someone is actually relative to each situation. A lot did not put one standard on all of us for what we can do for our parents. There are some you know, sometimes people don't understand that in every relationship, even in the parental relationship. There are there are boundaries. There are some things that you know, if you don't draw a line, people will keep taking more and more

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You like if you have, for example, if you have friends that make fun of you, and you never say anything, then they'll insult you more than next time, then more than more than more you can ever draw a line the same way with your parents. Sometimes they ask for your time, they say, hey, I need your help, then you go and help. No, now I want you to do this. Now, I want you to do this. Now I want you to do this. He said, But Dad, I have to get to work. Or Mom, I have to get to school, or I have an assignment to finish or I have this or I have that. No, that's not important. What are you not gonna listen to your parents? Well, then why did any Asana, you know, and then you shut up and

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you just do what they told you. And then you're developing resentment towards them, eventually, you're gonna burn out, you're gonna disrespect them, you're gonna stop talking to them, crazy things are gonna happen. How do you avoid all of that, take a step back and say, Mom, I want to help. This is the day that I can help you. This is how much time I can give you for help. And I cannot do any more. And even if she complains and cries and says you're the worst daughter ever, the worst son ever in the universe, it's okay, you drew a line. And once you stick with that line, then the next time that line will be respected. In the beginning, it will feel like torture, but then they will

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learn to respect that line that you respectfully drawn, you haven't drawn an abusive line, you have drawn a reasonable line. And that has to happen in every relationship with your kids. When your parents, with your spouse, with your friends with work, any relationship, it's important to draw boundaries, and respectfully draw those boundaries. But by the way, once you draw a line, and you say, Hey, Mom, it's you know, I want to help, but I don't like when you say these, these these things, they're very hurtful. Don't say them. And if you say them that I'm going to leave. But then she says them and you don't leave, you know what you've done, you better not cross this line, or

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else than they cross that line, then you cannot draw new lines they hate Okay, okay, this new line, you better not cross this one or else and then the cross that one, you know what you're teaching them, there is no line, there is no boundary. This is a really serious problem many of us have in all of our relationships, that we don't know how to draw a line. And that has to happen even with our parents respectfully, with the best possible intention, with the most loving, caring words, with the most consideration, but this has to happen. Otherwise, you'll just end up in miserable relationships, not just with your parents, in every relationship, you're going to be miserable. May

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Allah protect you from that kind of misery. Okay.

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I think that answers the question also about lowering the wings and correcting parents and things like that.

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Somebody asked a question about a lady who's very old and is taking Shahada and she's her memory is bad. She can't even get up and stand up at that point. And what do you do to how can you even help her She doesn't even remember Arabic words. Islam is not about learning Arabic words. Islam is about accepting allies. One accepting Muhammad is His Messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, she could accept that and camp in Mandarin. And that's okay. She can't get up and pray if she's accepted a liner heart then. And if she's at that level, then she's not you know, much of what is obligatory in Medina is not mandated on her. Why are we making her life more difficult? Don't assume that she has

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to go through the cardinal Rania, when she's 95 years old. It's okay. That's not what's asked of her. And we shouldn't make things difficult when Allah has made things easy.

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What do you say to a person who has faced tests to a point where they feel emotionally and spiritually exhausted, they're reciting Quran making the praying, doing all the things they're supposed to, but somehow they're stuck in a rut and can't seem to unwrap themselves. What's the Quranic solution, sometimes we are looking for spiritual solutions to what is not a spiritual problem and missed in this tour of mine. I've been talking about that pretty repeatedly. And I've emphasized that,

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that you know, we have physical needs, we have emotional needs, and we have spiritual needs, okay. And for the most part, if your physical and emotional needs are taken care of, then you're able to further yourself spiritually, it becomes easier for you. A lot of times you're going through an emotional kind of trauma. You're going literally going through depression, if you were to be diagnosed, you'd be diagnosed with depression, or you have serious anxiety. Or you have panic attacks. So you have you have these things that that really need professional help. You need to talk to someone and work through your emotions. You need a counselor, you need a therapist, this is an

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emotional problem. And but then we're told this is a spiritual problem. You're not connected in your salon, you're always sad, you're not optimistic, therefore something is wrong with your emotion. That is so bad, because I'm already depressed. And now I'm being told I'm a bad person also.

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That's not going to help. So when people are in that state, if you're if you find yourself hopeless, you know, disk disconnected, not interested in doing anything, it's hard for you to get out of bed. What's the point of it all anyway? If you're finding yourself depressed like that, maybe it's good that you seek some professional help, because that getting that psychiatric help getting that counseling help. I'm telling you is going to help you spiritually also, it's important that we were that we understand that these are holistic

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The Quran doesn't just talk about, like spiritual solutions, it talks about emotional solutions to and that's something that you know if those of you who haven't been if you were to go back I think my last eight or 10 holebas have all been about emotional health and doctrine and how Allah azza wa jal addresses emotional issues and gives us guidance how to deal with them. Anyway.

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A question about about hijab. Oh, can we stop this now?

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Okay, fine. I live in a country where wearing hijab is really difficult. Women and Girls are not allowed to wear the headscarf, at school, or at work. Since the law has been voted. I personally had to put off my headscarf on my car. When I arrived at work, and I have not, I have no other solution to cover my hair because the laws specify that everything can put everything we can put on our head is forbidden. So much for freedom of expression. Anyway, however I am 39. And

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I think I got the wrong page.

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39 and what?

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Because it's not okay, I'm going to discontinue that. However, I'm 39.

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And I don't know what else that means. But I'm sure you feel guilty about that wearing the hijab at work. Look, if you're legally not allowed to do it, and

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I'm not giving a fatwa I'm not but I don't see how you're insane. Male let make that situation easy for you. You have to provide for your family and you have to you know, do your job. So May Allah make that situation difficult. And you ask Allah for forgiveness, because you're not you don't really have a choice in the matter. So that's the most I can say. I mean, I wouldn't consider you someone who's, you know, engrossed in sin because you're in that circumstance.

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What advice do you have for someone who's constantly led down and hurt by others don't stop, stop depending on others. That would be my advice.

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That they lose hope in this dunya but also lose hope in Allah. Don't let your disappointment with people turn into disappointment with Allah. That's just because you're depending on people too much. You got to let go. You can love people. You can be friends with people to an extent. You know, you love your friend to an extent because they might become someone you hate one day, hate your enemy to an extent they might become your friend one day, let's have limits. And that's, you know, they, let's not you know, we make our happiness and our peace and our hopes associated with other people. You have to find your peace yourself and you have to find your peace with Allah.

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There's a really heavy question in the Quran, Allah azza wa jal promises that believers will be tested and tried in numerous ways. He also promises paradise to the ones who are patient However, during a trial, some are patient some are not and everyone goes through pain. So is it wise to have children to be brought into this world to face tribulations? Please share your thoughts Fatima Zahra Fatima, you must have gone through some very difficult things to ask that question. You know, having children is one of the most joyous experiences in a person's life. And to start questioning whether or not you even want to bring children into the world must mean you've gone through some very, very

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heavy things. And I pray that Allah makes those those those trials, those scars healed. So your view of the world is not so gloomy. having children is a blessing. And it's an era of Allah. This world was always full of trials. It's not full of trials right now. It was always full of trials. And it's a mercy of Allah, that he put in us the desire to have children and to continue life on this earth. The beauty of this earth and the goodness of this life far outweighs its difficulties.

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Okay, that's the lawn studies question. I can skip down a little bit.

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Okay.

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We I don't even know how to answer this one. I actually, I want to take you to another question that somebody asked me in person. That'll be my last one. Okay.

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So, this

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this woman came up to me, this was I think it was in Belgium.

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Um, thankfully, I don't remember your name. Even if I did, I wouldn't say it. Okay. So he came up to me and she said that she's married. And she doesn't know whether when she's suffering abuse from her husband and her in laws, whether or not that if she wants to end the marriage because she's suffering from abuse, whether or not she's being patient or not, meaning her parents are telling her you know, this kind of abuse, this kind of humiliation, this kind of insult or your husband losing his temper at you and getting angry and threatening you or your in laws insulting you, and all of those things happens to everybody happened to me happened to you know, when I was younger, you know,

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your your grandparents did that to me, so it's just life.

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That's okay. You just have to have some. You're overreacting. And so I feel like it's really overwhelming. And it's really degrading and humiliating. But my parents tell me that I just don't have enough patience. And I have to this is just how life is supposed to be. So what is the truth here? Am I am I not being patient? And I answered her the way I would answer my own sister, if this was my younger sister telling me that this is what she's going through. In her family, this is what I would tell her. Listen, marriage, and divorce are choices. You marry who you want. And you have the right to divorce when you feel that you are not at peace in that marriage. People came to the

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Prophet slicin I'm asking for a divorce women came and asked for a divorce, and did not justify their rationale. And even when they did, the prophet never said to any one of them just be patient. Never once. Never once, the entire Koran, the exhaustive discourse on divorce, there are several pages dedicated to divorce in Bukhara. There's an entire sutra dedicated to the word sutala, the 65th surah. And yet,

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Allah azza wa jal never once condemned it never once said, why'd How dare you divorce? He said in one place, and sort of Nyssa he said, you know, and if you are going to divorce them, you know, maybe I saw in Cardiff to Michigan, which Allah he hadn't kathira maybe you hate something, but Allah put a lot of good in it. I'll put a lot of good in it. But in the very next day, he says, well, in order to Mr. McKenna's, oh.

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And if you still decide to replace a spouse with another one and marry somebody else, Allah opens that door, what I'm trying to tell you is not go out, go out and get divorced. Or you don't have to have patience in your marriage, but understand something, if somebody decides that they don't want to be in a relationship, because they find it emotionally, or any other way abusive. And she even said these words, he said, It seems they can do anything they want. And that's okay. And I said, What until you have broken bones, he goes, Yeah, until then, probably everything else is okay. And even if I had broken bones, and some others have told me, even if I had broken bones, my parents

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would probably tell me, it's okay. It's just one bone. You know, and we don't understand sometimes that psychological torture, emotional torture, degradation, and humiliation and abuse and neglect and dismissing somebody, these are serious things. And sometimes husbands do these to wives. And sometimes wives do this to husbands. And when this happens, you have a right to say, I don't want to do this anymore. Let's go seek help. And if you don't want to get help, if you don't want to make changes, then I don't want to be in this abusive relationship anymore. It's okay to draw that line. You're not an Islamic for wanting to get out of an abusive relationship. You're not, you did not do

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anything wrong. If you want to get out that's your call. And you're not better a better Muslim or a worse Muslim, because you want to get out of an abusive relationship. You should seek therapy, you should seek help, you should do everything you can to save a relationship. But if a relationship has become a one way street, then no, then no, then you don't you're not compelled by Islam to stay. You are not that is not I don't I've been trying to understand this religion. For the last 20 years. I'm trying to study this book and understand it, I cannot find any justification that people should remain miserable for the sake of Allah. Nope. That is just not the case. So, you know, and by the

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way, to the parents who say this to their daughters, how dare you? How dare you pass down abuse? We were abused. So it's okay for you to be. This is the mercy you show your kids? We're supposed to never, you know, I can't imagine my if my daughter came to me and said that for me to say to her, it's okay. Yeah, I went through that. So it's okay, you can handle it. I couldn't stand it. I can't stand sometimes how people in our in many of our cultures, Indian Pakistani culture, I don't know enough about Arab culture, to be able to say, in our cultures, to be able to show our face to the community is more important. That's more important. And to show mercy to our children is less

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important. That's That to me is disgusting. That to me is disgusting. So me alarms in which I, you know, and yes, it does take great strength and great power. But I also understand that nobody should be guilting you religiously that you're doing something religiously wrong, when you want to get out of abuse, when you want to get out of, you know, a miserable situation, if you're unhappy if you're not satisfied, if you're not, you know, if you're not being taken care of if you're falling into, like you're getting these evil thoughts in your head because of this abusive relationship. If you have, like resentment towards your spouse for years and years, why are you in it? Yeah, this the

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purpose of marriage is Lita schooner, Elena so you can find comfort and peace in them. If the peace isn't there, what are you doing there? What are you and then people? Here's the last one. People give you the crazy example. Be like new Holly salon. He was with his wife for 950 years. Yo, if you give that example, then you're saying that this guy's wife is no holiday Sam's wife.

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That's not the best example to give.

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are the best examples are those of our profits on the lohani set and how he taught us how to deal with the subject. There are some things in Islam that are your choice, they are your decision. Allah is not putting that on you do it this way or do it that way. If that was then Allah would have put in his book, it's wrong for you to get divorced, or it's wrong for you to or this, these are the reasons you should stay. And these are the reasons you should go. This is a lot of guidance into the end of time. And marriage is the most important institution and yet Allah gave us free rein in this area. And he made he gave us the room to make those decisions ourselves. May Allah protect our

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families, may Allah protect our marriages. May Allah give us the courage and the humility to seek help to protect or to preserve, when a marriage is falling apart. And MIT allows it will also make us able to get away from abusive relationships. So here's a few crazy thoughts that I wanted to share with you.

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I hope I didn't offend any of you. If I did. That's okay. I'm getting offline. barakallahu li walakum Oh, by the way, I want to answer this beard question.

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If you had a beard now, it's very short. Yeah, I like my beard.

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I want to make it a little shorter.

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And that's okay.

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Cuz I like study and stuff. I don't discuss it, but I study it. And personally, I believe it's something that you should study personally not talk about publicly. And if you knew the tip of the beard, then you would actually know that I'm okay. So cool. I'm not giving a fuck what anybody else to make their beard like mine. I'm having a trouble trouble with my beard. But for those of you ever have a real issue with these things, I mean, I sometimes give your brother your beard is American. I was like, I didn't know there's such a thing as American beard. Yo, I just thought I had a beard. This beard. Let me make it longer for you be happy.

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Okay, happy now. Okay. Okay, bye. I gotta go.