Not All Who Are Alone Are Lonely
Channel: Muiz Bukhary
File Size: 14.58MB
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh My dear brothers and sisters, for today's video, let's talk about solitude. Because under the right circumstances, choosing to spend time by yourself alone can be a huge psychological boon, a huge psychological blessing. Today we live in this hyper connected world, yes or no, our digital devices, they often make us feel like we need to be connected 24 seven, regardless of whether you are on WhatsApp, and now everybody is moving to signal and telegram, and even all these platforms.
We are constantly bombarded with notifications with messages with noise and information. There is just no time at all for solitude and quiet contemplation. And as a result, what's happening many of us have higher stress levels, anxiety, panic attacks and depression. And our society along with that has long stigmatized solitude, we equate solitude with loneliness.
But on the other hand, instead of stigmatizing solitude, what we need to be doing is we need to value solitude, immediately embrace it whenever possible. Now, I won't deny that it's important to spend time around people to socialize, yes, you can improve your habits, you can learn new things when you're surrounded by the right type of people by positive and interesting people. And yes, of course, much of life's biggest joys, stem from our relationships. But the point that needs to be noted is too much people time.
Without a healthy balance might also be a bad thing. But before we go on to discuss this concept further, and before we go on to unpack it, we need to understand that being alone and feeling lonely, are two completely separate and two completely different things. You see, there are many people out there who feel lonely even when they are in a crowded room, even in a relationship, even amongst friends, and sadly, even in a marriage. And there are some people who spend time alone just by themselves without ever actually feeling lonely. Now, this concept is so powerful that embracing it embracing solitude, takes practice if you're not used to being alone, but over time, you can grow
more and more comfortable with being just by yourself. Periodic seclusion from people is a positive thing. Many brothers and sisters, everyone, we all need a breather, a time of rest and relaxation. After going through, you know the rat race, the stressors of life, after going through a string of social events, you've got maybe examinations your work, you're working on certain projects, deadlines, you've been traveling a lot after all of this, you need periods and pockets of time, where you spend that time by yourself.
Now, like I said, periodic and pockets of time staying cooped up in those pockets, and in those periods of seclusion, day in and day out is detrimental. Because it would you know turn an individual into some kind of a hermit. But withdrawing from people for short periods of time is something that our minds are our souls and our bodies need, especially to rejuvenate, to nurture ourselves, to introspect to reflect, to achieve higher levels of enrichment to achieve higher levels of spiritual growth. You see these moments of solitude they help you to get to know yourself. When you're by yourself. You make choices. Without outside influences your your view is not distorted.
Your decision making process is not distorted. You can choose how to spend your time without worrying about anyone else's feelings or thoughts. And making choices on your own will help you develop better insight into who you are as a person.
And this time alone will help you grew more comfortable in your skin as well. The more you know yourself, my dear brother, my dear sister, the better equipped you're going to be to your authentic self when others are around when you are around others. And these moments of time these moments of solitude, seclusion, they boost creativity and productivity. You see there's a reason as to why you see creative individuals,
otters writers, they seek, they seek solitude when they want to create something, they need this private space. Whether it's this, you know, secluded studio, or you know, you've heard a writers like going to cabins in the woods, because all of this allows them to be more creative. And studies, there's actually data that confirm that being alone often fosters creativity. And in addition to boosting your creativity,
these moments of time, these moments of solitude, they also skyrocket your productivity levels. Studies consistently show that people perform better when they have these private moments of time, these moments of, of seclusion. Now, let's benchmark this to
our teacher, our role model, Muhammad salvaterra.
The prophets that along while he was in them, we all know, he withdrew, as per the hadith of a shadow of the law one half if I'm not mistaken, she says that seclusion, you know, during that period of time,
the federal through ye when just before why, just before the Prophet sallallaahu, Selim started to receive by seclusion became very dear unto the messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he withdrew into a cave. And these were the moments you know, at the time before he received divine revelation from Allah subhanho wa Taala. He used to spend these pockets of time in solitude in seclusion by himself, pondering and reflecting.
So it's from the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to withdraw, to spend time by yourself in, in worship, in the remembrance of Allah azza wa jal in the heart. And now we have the teachings of the prophets, Allah Allison betrays us what to do in those times of seclusion. Similarly, the Koran and sort of Maria Allah subhanho wa Taala he says, What's going to fail and kita be moriyama eating Tibet mean le hammock, Anna?
Fatah that mean I do need him Hey jabber, for outsell Eli. He has to Hannah. Allah subhanho wa Taala. He describes Mario malissa to slam the daughter of imraan she withdrew Fatah that mean dooney him hijab, she withdrew into this private chamber to worship Allah subhanho wa Taala she withdrew into seclusion. And similarly Allah mentions with regards to her uncle, the Prophet zecharia that he worshipped Allah subhanho wa Taala in a merabh in this place of seclusion, you know, in this special chamber,
when Allah talks about the Doha that the prophets that Korea, Allah Islam make made in the normal Koran. So you can see that the Quran illustrates with regards to Miriam alayhis salaam with regard Zachary Ali Salaam with regard to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam how they spent moments of seclusion and solitude, and along with that, during the month of Ramadan, every single year, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam he would very stringently and very diligently observed this period of time this 10 day period of isolation,
known as erahthi calf, he would stay away from even his family and he would fill those days with with intense worship where he would be in Salah reading of the Quran and worshiping Allah subhanho wa Taala. We also have a hadith to this effect. We have the narration that has been recorded on the book of Imam intermedia Rahim Allah, I'm not mistaken alcova in ambit of the law. He said, I asked him I said of Allah sallallahu sallam, how can salvation be achieved? Now look at the words of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the prophet replies, control your time, control your time, keep to your home, keep to your house and weep over your sins. Now through this hadith we can deduce
and glean number of lessons. And one of those lessons is to stay at home.
Stay at home, you know, stay away from you know, stay at home basically take moments of time, where you keep yourself now see in the mornings, you you do go out, you have to make a living, you interact and you do all of that. Whenever and wherever possible, keep your home
and this social isolation the prophets Allah listen and he talks about it in this hadith. So many brothers and sisters when you embrace solitude, you eat
intentionally remove the influence of others for periods of time, you intentionally remove the expectations of others. During these periods of seclusion during these periods of solitude, you are able to hear your own heart speak, you learn to silence the inner critic, and you develop this healthy inner monologue, you know, this chatter with yourself, you, you you develop healthy chatter, you find rejuvenation, you find rest refreshment, you discover, and you find out that others can actually live without you, you find out that the world does not rest on your shoulders, you break the cycle of business in your life, okay? And you become better equipped to deal with others to, you
know, it's interesting, but these periods of time actually helps you with your relationships with others, you feed your your your soul, and you begin to learn to love yourself. This alone time improves, definitely improves your relationships. You see spending time with friends, family and colleagues. What happens is after a period of time,
there is this V versus them mentality that that falls into place.
unintentionally, you'll start to see people who don't
fit into your inner circle as as different from you and you you'll develop less empathy, there are studies put into place. So by spending time alone, it breaks down those barriers, you're able to forge better relationships with people. And studies also show that you develop more empathy, more compassion, more care and love other people when you set aside time, these periods of time for solitude, it's interesting because we tend to think that you know what, I need to spend more time with people to actually develop empathy and, and compassion and care. But here you have data and studies telling you that by taking periods of time out pockets of time where you spend that time in
solitude, it actually helps you improve your relationships with others around you. Along with that, solitude improves your psychological well being. Now, now, obviously, it requires mental strength, to embrace solitude and to be alone, even if that's what you want, it requires a certain amount of mental strength. And this learning of how to be comfortable by yourself. It may take you know getting used to.
But once you get used to it, it could actually help you become mentally stronger. Because studies again have found people who set aside time to be alone, they tend to be happier, they report better life, contentment, life satisfaction and lower levels of stress. They're also less likely to undergo depression, and certain other psychological challenges. Many brothers and sisters, therefore embrace these moments of solitude. Take these moments of solitude to take account of yourself out of the alarm. One home is reported to have said, criticize and appraise yourselves before you are appraised before you are taken to account on the Day of Judgment. weigh out your deeds before they are weighed
out for you. So take these moments of solitude and use it to your advantage. Use it to take account of yourself, use it to take account of your actions, your statements, your deeds, use it to get closer to your maker, use it to remember Allah subhanho wa Taala use it to turn to Him in prayer in Doha.
Our society has stigmatized solitude, therefore we work hard to avoid being alone. We remain in debt relationships, we hang out with people who we dislike, we force ourselves to engage in activities that are not important to us, just so that we can say we are not alone. And when we are alone, what do we do? We on our phones, or watching TV, Netflix sing, distracting ourselves in whatever way possible, because that silence and that solitude is so uncomfortable. For many of us we're not comfortable being in silence or in solitude, media, brother media system. If you want to have a happy and meaningful life, you have to know what you want. You have to know who you are. You need to
embrace yourself as an individual, not as a group. And no friend, no family member, colleague, work nobody can do that for you. You have to do that for yourself. You are responsible by yourself for that. So make it a priority to create alone time.
for yourself, these precious moments of solitude and seclusion, embrace solitude, you will never find a companion.
A friend a companion that is companionable has solitude so many brothers and sisters, I'd like to know down below in the comments Do you like to be alone? Or do you prefer to be with others? And if you do like to be alone, how do you make use of your alone time? Let me know in the comments and I look forward to talking to you all in another video soon inshallah Allah so until then, take care. This is Mario's Buhari, signing off was salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.