The Etiquette of Disagreement – Episode 02

Muhammad West


Channel: Muhammad West


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Episode Notes

Types of Disagreements

  • Personal disagreement
  • Marital and family disagreement
  • Work disagreement
  • Religious disagreements

Personal disagreement

  • Competition for resources
  • Conflicting physiologies and personalities
  • Conflicting views

Competition for resources

Amr ibn Awf reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
“By Allah, it is not poverty I fear for you, but rather I fear you will be given the wealth of the world just as it was given to those before you. You will compete for it just as they competed for it and it will destroy you just as it destroyed them.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 2988, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2961

Physiological Differences

O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted.

Surah Al Hujurat 49:13

Conflicting views

  • Different perceptions, values, goals, agendas
  • Overcome the perception gap

The “Adaab” to overcome these differences

  • Identify the source of the conflict – Why are we even fighting
  • Try to understand and respect the counter view – Learn to listen, Never judge the person or the intentions of the other person.
  • Try to work from common ground
  • Ethics in dialogue – I statements vs You, Private vs Public, Not to hurt
  • Look for a win-win solution – Everyone must a chance and everyone must compromise
  • Objective outsider
  • Gracious in victory and sorry in defeat
  • Let go of past issues – Would you not like Allah to forgive your faults?
  • Look beyond the incident

Conflicting Personalities

Imaam al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) reported in his Saheeh that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “I heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saying:

‘Souls are like conscripted soldiers; those whom they recognize, they get along with, and those whom they do not recognize, they will not get along with.’”

(Saheeh al-Bukhaari, Kitaab Ahaadeeth al-Anbiyaa’, Baab al- Arwaah junood mujannadah)

Differing on a personal level – Seek means of reconciliation

It was narrated from Umm Kalthoom bint ‘Uqbah ibn Abi Mu’eet that she heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say:

“Shall I not tell you something that is better than the status of (voluntary) fasting, prayer and charity?” They said: “Yes.” He said: “Reconciling in a case of discord, for the evil of discord is the shaver.”

It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said :

“It is the shaver, and I do not say that it shaves hair, but that it shaves (i.e., destroys) religious commitment.”

Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4273; al-Tirmidhi, 2433. classed as Hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

It was narrated that Abu’l-Darda’ (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“He is not a liar who seeks to reconcile between people and says good things.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2490

It was narrated that Abu Ayyoob al-Ansaari (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“It is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, each of them turning away when they meet. The better of them is the one who gives the greeting of salaam first.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2757; Muslim, 2560

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“The gates of Paradise are opened on Monday and Thursday, and everyone who does not associate anything with Allaah is forgiven, except a man who has had an argument with his brother. It is said: ‘Wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile, wait for these two until they reconcile.”

Narrated by Muslim, 2565

To do it for Allah

“I guarantee a house in Jannah (Paradise) for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a house in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even when joking / for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners.”

Prophet Muhammad (s) reported by Imam Abu Dawud]

Final Advice

“On the authority of Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Do not be envious of one another; do not artificially raise prices against one another; do not hate one another; do not turn one’s back on each other; and do not undercut one another in business transactions. And be, [O] servants of Allah, bretheren. A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim. He does not wrong him. He does not fail him [when he needs him]. He does not lie to him. And he does not show contempt for him. Piety is here” – and he pointed to his chest three times. “It is enough of evil for a person to hold his brother Muslim in contempt. All of a Muslim is inviolable to another Muslim: his blood, his wealth and his honor.”

(Recorded in Muslim)


WARNING!!! AI generated text may display inaccurate or offensive information that doesn’t represent Muslim Central's views. Therefore, no part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.

AI Generated Summary ©

The speakers discuss the importance of addressing disagreements and personal human capacity in the face of conflict, including social interaction, competition, and emotions. They stress the need to update one's behavior and consider their emotions when evaluating situations, as well as the importance of avoiding pride and avoiding bias in argument. The speakers also emphasize the importance of understanding rules and avoiding negative emotions in arguments, and offer advice on how to handle past issues and avoid giving up on one's opinion. They stress the importance of forgiveness and encourage viewers to support them. They also mention upcoming events and announcements, including a weekday audio lecture and a touring Jana Jana.

AI Generated Transcript ©

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shaytani r rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala COVID mursaleen Sayyidina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi My beloved brothers and sisters in Islam as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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operation to Allah subhanho wa Taala the Most Gracious the most kind, we should have Allah Allah in the lobby a witness that none has the right to be worshipped besides Allah subhanaw taala and we send our greetings and salutations, dear beloved Nabi Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, to his pious and pure family to his companions and all those who follow us soon until the end of time, we make dua to Allah and this worked of Juma to keep us state false and the sooner maybe Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam to follow in his example, to God that Allah subhanaw taala blessed us to walk in his footsteps in this dunya and maybe be resurrected on his side on the day of karma. Allah forgive us for the

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shortcomings that we have done since last week. The sins that we've made my love forgive us. mela guide us that next week, we better than this week that has come eleganza jumaan be a light for us. I mean,

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when hamdulillah today we continue with our series we start we started last week on the etiquettes of fdlr disagreement. And we say that this is a major problem within the oma. We have seen it globally, Muslims fighting Muslims, Muslims killing Muslims, our differences have become to such a level that we are now killing one another. Well, we've been doing so for a long time. And we see that if you look at so many Muslim countries, this war, most of the times, it's Muslims killing Muslims, we have gone our differences have become so extreme. We've become so extreme in our differences, that we've killed one another. And we said we see these differences here, filtering

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into our community in Cape Town. And in South Africa. We are tiny Muslim minority 2% of the population, yet we find much is not able to stand together, communities are able to stand together families not able to stand together. So this is a sickness, a disease, which we need to address. It's something in our oma, we need to address. We were speaking about some of the ad content in this series. I hope with time maybe after 567 weeks of having a base. We'd like to get into the the details as to issues like mo lewd versus Suna. Is this how do we resolve this kind of difference? How do we get through differences like modernism and traditional Islam, Shiism Sunni is the taper

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code, how do we get to these controversial issues. And usually, we want to jump to those controversial issues without having a grounded foundation. And so therefore the next couple of weeks, we're going to talk about basics, learn about conflict resolution, why we fight in our personal capacity, before we get to those very controversial debates in sha Allah. So that's where we building up to in the series. Last week was just basically an introduction and a confirmation that this is a problem that we need to address. We said we're going to start at look at different types of disagreements. Firstly, we're going to look at personal disagreements from a personal human

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capacity. Why do we have conflict in our life? Why do we argue with one another? Why do we argue with one another, it alone made us such that we are a creature that needs to have social interaction, one of the punishment one of the ways in which you know criminals are punished, they put them in solitary confinement. So we need to interact with other human beings, otherwise, we don't function. And the person that wants to be on his own isolated, we said something wrong with that person who lives all on his own. Right? So it's just normal that humans will, Allah made us like that. And one of the meaning of insan ins is that we need to interact with fellow human beings.

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And that interaction is good, and it brings happiness. But of course, there is a downside in that we have conflict and disagreement. So we're going to discuss the personal disagreements that we have this week, and we'll conclude with that inshallah. Next week, we'll look at the very interesting discussion between family dynamics, we can't choose the people the siblings were born to, and medical discord, our spouses, husband and wife, perhaps the biggest debate the battles that you have in your life, the person you fight with the most is the one that you sleep next to every night. That's the reality of life. We'll also talk about friends, those are people we can actually choose.

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And very important, the bond between friends, we'll look at work disagreements, how do we interact within the work environment, then we will move on to the hot stuff of religious disagreement? Why can't we as the orlimar sit together and solve our problems? Why is it religion that should bring us together at times is the cause that divides us, we'll get to that inshallah in weeks to come. So we sit from a personal level,

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religion aside, the things that cause people to fight the things that cause nations to go to war, most of the time, number one reason we say from a psychological reason is competition for resources, the dounia, the dounia, when we put in value, the dounia above another human being, when it becomes easy for us to cheat that person, to undercut that person to even kill that person for resources. And this is the number one cause the number one cause for conflict in this world. You know, people

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tell you, you find this this philosophy that if there was no religion, we wouldn't have conflict, that religion is the cause of so many wars and bloodshed and narrow mindedness we say, what what religious reason was there for World War One, World War Two, the dropping of a nuclear bomb on Japan, two of them nothing to do with religion, it's got to do with the resources, it's got to do with wealth, it's got to do with power, the dounia the joys of the dunya. And that is if a person leaves, this tumor could burn. And if you just take one message, that I value, a person, another human being above my own selfish interests, life will be better. And in fact, many of our problems

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even with amongst, in a religious framework, it's not the religious debate. That's the problem. It's because I want to have more fame. I want more likes on my Facebook page. I want more followers, more more leads. It's a dunia selfish reason that actually results in religious differences. That's something that's very important, as the Prophet peace be upon him said, and we said, this hadith and a very profound Hadith that you find his body and Muslim, we remind ourselves, the Prophet says, I'm not scared that you will be poor. I'm not scared that you will starve and you will go through all of that you won't be able to do to even meet your needs. Poverty doesn't worry me, the property's

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economies on mine, if we all die poor people, it's not scared about that. But he says, I'm scared that you're my alma you will be given wealth, you will be given the dunia the world, you'll be given the wealth of this world, just as it was given to you given to those nations before us. And then what would happen, now you begin to compete for more, you begin to fight with one another for more of this dunya. And that will this competition will result in you being destroyed as it destroyed the people in the past.

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That's the dangerous thing that we are divided about around money and a Muslim, a Muslim never ever harm someone else. Over dounia you never break a relationship over dunya if there's any person in your life, you don't speak to him. And the cause of that issue is some dunia gain, something he took from you or he money wise or some personal, not a religious reason, not a principal reason. It's purely a selfish reason. And that is not right. those differences we should make clean, we should. So those things out in the dunya those are the things that are the person is far more valuable, the relationship is far more valuable in the dunya thing that you've lost out. So competition of

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resources we discussed this last week. This week, we're going to talk about other reasons why we are different, we have differences is because we're created differently. And we say this is the son of Allah, Allah created us differently, physically on the outside differently. And on the inside, mentally, this, our personalities are different. I'm not going into psychology too deep, but you find psychologists will say that they are about about four or five to about 15 different types of personalities, that different people will live and experience things differently. You will, you will interact and you will see the world differently. And Allah subhanho wa Taala affirms in the Quran,

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that all mankind indeed we created you from, ultimately you came from one Father, one mother, but then we made you into diverse people and tribes, we may do black and white and Indian and Malay and all these things Allah says I did that. This is part of Allah's plan, that you may know one another, what is alarmingly tada that you might be different from each other, that you might be distinct from each other, that you will have different cuisines that you will have different cultures, you'll have different social habits. But ultimately, who is the best, we shouldn't compete, our culture shouldn't compete and conflict. The one with the most taqwa the one who's based on the inside is

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what counts the outside organism, look at the outside, it's what's on the inside that counts.

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And from a deeper we know, we're not just the fruit on the outside, we as human beings, our intellect is something very unique. And we said this last week, another profound Hadith, that tells us there will be reasons why we disagree. The Prophet said, some of us a lamb, that souls are like soldiers were like armies, they recognize those souls that are similar to them. And therefore they get along with each other. And then there are those who they don't, they don't have similarities on the inside, this is an internal thing. So not only that, you recognize someone that looks like you, intellectually you, but on the inside, you are similar. So you get along, and on the outside on the

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inside, you might be different from this person. So the two of you are never ever really going to get along. You know that there are people you could just meet for half an hour. And it's like you said, I've known this guy for years. And there's someone else who you interact daily and you said, you know, the two of us, we just don't get along. Whenever there's an issue. It becomes a big thing. Me and this guy. We just don't get don't get along. Why is it like that we we, but he's he's not a bad person. I'm not a bad person, but it just we seem to knock him

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All the time. So the question is, and it's it goes even deeper than this, that as you grow up, psychology will tell you, as you grow up your mind, your Outlook, the way you see the world is different. Not right or wrong, but different. So and I give this example you put someone on lionshead right on top of lions eat, and they have a look at Cape Town. And you ask this foreigner, describe Cape Town, what you saw, it's a beautiful city. It's a wealthy city. You know, it looks clean and organized and positive, only good. You put someone on the top of doublespeak maybe, and you look at the Cape flats describe Capetown, very different picture. Now the who's right and who's

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wrong? Both are right. Both are telling you from the perspective how they see the world. You take someone who's gone to as a good education, who comes from a financially well background, who comes from a very comfortable life. What do you think his view is going to be on land expropriation, versus someone who grew up in a squatter camp, we didn't get to go to school. Right? automatically the way you see the world, the way you're going to stand? When it gets to an argument I said, We building up to when we get to the argument, why do some people stand on the side of the fence? Why do people stand on that side of the fence? It's because they were brought up differently. They have

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different values, they have different rules, they have different how upbringing so what the end of the day as you grew up, this divide this canyon, this huge differences ocean between the two of you have developed? Can we ever bridge that gap? How do we bridge this gap? That's the question. We will never ever be the same. Allow me The sooner you have two people even they are born from the same mother. They're identical twins, same house, same class, same school, the same parents, but even on the on the inside, they're different, they will have different views and different ways of thinking. How do we get beyond that. And that's why in Islam from a Muslim and Islamic perspective, a lot of a

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for dictated that they must be an adult, that there is a way we socialize and interact with our fellow human beings that is acceptable. We see something that's not something new. You all come from different backgrounds. But when you go to work, you know that there are certain things there's a company policy, to make everyone act in a similar kind of way that will prevent us from arguing with one another. Islam does something similar, Islam puts down a set of rules and adapt how you interact with fellow human beings because you're different, because certain things are automatically going to trigger an argument. So Allah has made it such that these a mutual level of respect that humans

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have, even for the one that looks the friendly to you, even from the one that is thinks differently to you. So in that light, and I'm going to put these guidelines of a dub, if you're in a conflict, if I'm in a conflict, we should remember some of these points. And when we get to discussions like molad, when we get to discussions like bidda, we should apply these rules. Sometimes we have lovely etiquettes, of how to interact in terms of when a husband and wife differs. But when it comes to the dean, we forget about all these things. That's the problem. So as I say this stuff is not new. It's not revolutionary, but we seem to forget that when we talk about our religious differences. So how

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do we get along? How does Islam? What does Islam say in how we should resolve conflict and overcome our differences?

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Number one, actually, before even knowledge, one step before that we should update the slides is we should actually look at the NEA. Everything begins with the NEA. So you are about to go into an argument at work in marriage. On some social thing. You got some person you've got beef with before you actually engage. Islam always says chick unir. What are you all doing? Why are you arguing? What is the reason? What do you want from this?

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am I acting in the best interest of taqwa? am I acting fairly justly? You need to ask yourself that, what do I want to achieve from this argument? Why do I want to win this argument? Why is it so important that I win? And he says the right to is wrong? So then when you start looking? I hate this guy simply because he supports a different soccer team. When you realize this is a stupid argument. I shouldn't hate this person over there. Once you have that internal discussion in your mind. Why is it so important I need to get for you to get further in this isn't really an issue. Check your near check your internal reasoning. If you if you conclude now that no this is a valid argument. This is

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a valid difference. We need to get into this fight. Now we need to ask ourselves what is the reason we are fighting? Why are we fighting over it? What is the cause of the division? Over the past couple of weeks as usual? You know Is your mom you have marital and we'll talk about marital discord maybe next week or so. We we get couples that come here and they'll tell you about their worst arguments. We things got out of hand words. We're seeing

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Maybe even there was some physical contact, they'll tell you when so bad. And I promise you, I asked them, What were you arguing about that resulted in this confrontation? They will say, I don't remember what we what was the reason we all get to how the argument started. I don't know. I just know how it escalated. And that's sometimes what happens, you find yourself in a huge debate, you find yourself very heated with somebody. And you ask now, why are you so upset with this person? What is the cause of it? And you realize you don't even know why. So you very hot when it comes to the cape accord, Pro, the cape or code against the cape or quote, pro Shia, anti Shia, whatever it

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might be. But do you even know what the issues are about? Have you even read this document? Do you even know why there's a disagreement?

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No. So it's emotion, without knowledge. And that's why the next step is, and Subhan. Allah, Allah teaches us this, every time we have a problem, the next step of the unia is knowledge. If you don't have knowledge on the issue, then you have to remain silent on it. You should not have an opinion on this with the dean teaches us. If you you cannot get upset and angry and worked up and emotional about the issue that you don't understand. So ask yourself this question. And it's a very good idea. If you find yourself in some conflict,

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to be able to, you need to explain to the Imam. And that's why people come to an Imam, when they sit down. And actually they mounted on what is the problem. And now they start explaining amount, these are the issues, they realize, it's not really an issue, I'm just upset, emotionally, I'm upset, there isn't really a difference that we have nothing to fix. I'm just, I'm just feeling upset, we have just gotten to a point where we're angry with one another. So you need to be able to enter as an exercise. If you're in a conflict, try to write down to yourself, the reason why I'm upset the reason why there's an argument, my view is this. He's tried to document why. And if you can't do

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that, understand that this is only emotional. Understand your conflict is purely emotional. If you now have an opinion, it's a genuine difference is a real problem. Here, you've got one view, she's got a different view, he's got a different view. And there's a confrontation here.

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Try to understand, and again, if I apply this to maybe Obama, prior to marriage, it makes more sense when we give examples, try to listen to the other side. So you see things like we give the example of Cape Town, the the doublespeak versus lionshead. Understand that what you're seeing is real, and your view and your perspective is correct. But don't ever assume that that person doesn't have equally good points. Even if that person is wrong, they might still have valid points, they might still have something which is right. And therefore, in arguments, one of the biggest thing that we need to do is speak less and listen more. Listen, genuinely to understand. Why is this person Why

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does this person not agree with me? I mean, I'm an intellectual, smart person, I've made this choice based on the evidence, how can you not agree with me?

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So for example, if I say, I'm just hypothetically, now that eat and we'll talk each other about it, it must be with maca. I've made that decision. Logically, if I've done so logically with evidence, then I should assume that equally, someone with knowledge and ACO should have come to the same conclusion. Why don't you come to the same conclusion? Maybe he's got some evidence I don't know about. So now genuinely listen to the person to explain the side of the story, to understand what the reasoning is not just to respond, and never judge. This is one of the big problems, we will really come in and we listen with a preconceived notion. Now the only reason why he sees this is

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because he's, he is doing it for fame, or he's doing it for money. So you really feel this person is not genuine, in his view. Don't do that. Don't judge without any bias. Listen, without any bias, listen fairly. So now you apply this with your wife with your husband. The only reason my wife is saying this is because he's a she's got a valid argument. So now listen. And once you've gotten to understand the points of view, and this is beautiful, whenever we discuss meta issues, for example, Shafi hanafy, when you listen to the debate, you realize Pinilla, both sides have very strong, you might even change your view, you are so strong and strict on your view, when you listen to the other

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side, you realize they actually have better opinions, I might, I might have to become a hanafy. Now, for example, right? You might realize that so we don't tend to listen. And many of our arguments, as we said, is out of General Ignorance. Most of the arguments that we have is out of ignorance.

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So once you've now had all the arguments on the table, you know, this is why we fighting. This is the problem, my argument my views are

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have us try to work on a common ground, try to say There must be a way must be a solution. So Allah subhanho wa Taala sees this beautiful the Quran, Allah says, say to the advocate app. Yes, we have used, we have major differences. You said a lesson. You said Allah Subhana Allah Jesus Allah, right. Let's not start from where we differ. Let's go all the way back to we were working together we were on the same path, then we got divided. Let's get back to that point start from the point of commonality. We are all working to the same thing. Where did we go wrong? So unless you say to the 100 get up the ILO in a caliphate in Sabah in Benin avena Let's come back to a common view that we

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both agree on that these only one Allah we both agree on that Jews agree on that Muslims agree on that even induce agree on that. So we all believe this one creator. So let's start from that point. Again, when you find yourself in conflict with somebody, where do we we will we were walking together? When did we get separated? So let's go back to that thing we can agree on for a night. We always say in Allah Swiss tells us come back to the Quran and Sunnah. So we all agree on Quran and Sunnah. This is what we agree on. So let's go back to that foundational point. And from there we now look okay, now now is the problem. Oh, this ayah you interpret differently that I you understand

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differently? Now we discuss that issue. That's how Allah is encouraging us to solve a problem, start from a point of common ground before you get to a point of disagreement, then Islam is very, very clear on the ethics of dialogue.

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How do you debate? How do you discuss how do you argue with a Muslim and a non Muslim with a Muslim and a Muslim between a husband and a wife? Our problem is not so much that our differences are very complicated. She has so many issues, I've been there for over 1000 years,

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Buddha molar sooner, this has been more than 1000 years, these issues are not new. Why all of a sudden have they become are we becoming so aggressive, violent, even killing one another in these debates, why the debates have always been the the issues have always been the there are solutions to these issues. There are communities that live with these issues and get along with one another, and communities that kill each other over those issues. Why? Because the way in which we interact, how we express our differences is without any other. We throw around names, Salafi Wahhabi Sufi, whatever it might be she she has sympathizer modernist whatever. We've not argued the issue at all.

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But we've thrown titles and name quoting Allah says in the Quran, Surah Surah. And don't give each other bad labels. Don't give each other bad nicknames. As they say, I mean, lots of your suppose people play the ball, not the man. That's what we end up doing. We attack the person, we attack the person, but the personality of our opponent, we see this person as an enemy, and of the issue.

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Something very thing that you learn a lot from now the sooner but what you learn in these corporate courses, when you and we teach our in our marriage classes, when you want to have an argument, don't say, you, you don't, you don't clean the house. We you don't spend time with me. or others say I I feel that you don't clean the house. I feel like you don't give me enough attention. Now you can't be blamed. So someone's accusing me of not loving you, or you're accusing me of not following the sooner. But if you say I feel like you don't, then you can't blame me for how I feel. I just feel that well. That's my perspective. So it's a simple way of giving a dialogue. So don't be accusatory

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in your, in your way of speech in your argument. I know when you're angry, then if you can just avoid swinging it's a big plus right? Even saying I and I feel and being it requires us to bring down our emotions.

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SubhanAllah we spoke the CW musas discussion the next time you're in a conflict and you so worked up and this guy is this person is has an ego or this person is an idiot or whatever it is in your mind how bad this person is. Remember, when a law simply Moosa to speak to fit around. What does Allah say to be Musa and speak to him? lane softly, gently speak to him very, very nicely, not even respectfully. Allah says speak to him softly. Now Moosa is the greatest man

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on earth at that point in time alone is the worst person that ever lived. When you are in a confrontation, I promise you, you are not better than Musa you will never be better than Moosa. I will not be to be your mom. Your chef will not be more learned than Moosa and your opponent will it's your wife, your company, your opponent,

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the other Imam, your mother in law, she's not worse than Pharaoh. Well, I they're not worse than Pharaoh and in your mind, maybe that's they wasn't hero but they're not. So if Moosa Elisa Lam, let's give her a soft talking to

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Then by all rights you need to give this other person and even softer talking.

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When we when we discuss our issues we need to ask every statement we make, was this to answer the problem, or was this mean to hurt? When and again, this comes back to our medical arguments, you'd find when the when when there's a response in an argument, it was purely done to hurt that person. Because you arguing with me on this, I need to respond to hurt you.

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And that's when we when we do this in a personal capacity, it's bad. But when we do that, for this in the name of Islam, it's very, very bad when we slander the man, because we differ on an Islamic principle. Now we slowly his character, we slowly his intention, we insult him. This is why no, this is when communities get divided. always understand that is a route and the Prophet peace of mind taught us this is a way we can overcome our differences, to have a win win solution, everyone must get a deal. Allah Subhana Allah says, We have 15 we could mean this was some of them were still a place in Ghana, there is a place in Ghana for the Moto Fifi, who's the Moto fifth, the one, when he

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is in the pound seat, when he's in charge, he takes his food you he doesn't speak in business terms. And in his relationships, he takes his full whack. But when it's the other way around, is always deficient. And he insults his opponents. that these are special kind of punishment for the person who is always trying to be one up on someone else. And he's not willing to make concessions the other way our Dean is about, we don't compromise on principles. But when it comes to areas we can compromise, always compromise even if you must give up your own hack for the sake of cohesion. This is what our Dean teaches us always understand that is a way to move forward in a win win. Sometimes

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we can discuss this in detail. And therefore Allah allows us to make Matura sometimes a good way is to speak to outside an outside party. And once that person, because you sometimes can't get beyond your emotion, you're so caught up in the debate, you're so become so angry, if I now change my stance, I will look weak. If I now give him a What is he gonna think of me? Right? So you need to sometimes ask a third party if you can't discuss your issues to a third party, then perhaps the problems are just emotional and not not genuine. If you come to a debate at the end of the debate, and if you are victorious in that debate, never ever belittle the other person. And if you are

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wrong, be man enough to say I'm wrong. promises the strong person is not the person that has strong muscles is the person who's able to control his anger, his emotions, we have to be able you will always I will be wrong, you will be wrong. Every single person will be wrong sometime in their life. Be man enough to say I apologize, I made a mistake I was wrong. And when you are right, understand that today you were right, tomorrow's you tend to lose. So be gracious in your arguments. Be gracious when you win. At the end of the day, you know, understand this things and let past issues go by don't carry your baggage. There's a lot in marriage as well. But in terms of every time you

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went through a debate, they did not define this person. So now this person in religion, for example, you disagree on him, you know, not going to go into more whatever it might be.

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And you paint him with that brush. Okay, he's a bit dirty. Okay, he's a hobby. Okay, he's a Shia sympathizer. Okay, whatever it might be. But you forgot all the other good things that this person does.

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Actually, as Shakespeare says, When a person that is beautiful, they have one blemish, this person is like nine, like 10 out of 10. But they just got one little bad spot, then you will say, what, what girl is that? Oh, that's Ayesha with the spot, but you forgot all the beautiful qualities of this person. That's what we do. We bring all the past baggage and we paint the person with the worst of them. And we also handler we know if our worst must come out. And we are painted with that thing. The people, the people that we made the things we've looked at the Xena, we've made all our sins of the past past 50 years and we must be painted with it somehow and none of us would even want to

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leave our homes lit the past issues the past wrongs go give up. Allah subhana wa Tada. You don't as Allah says to abubaker in the Quran, do you not want Allah to forgive you Monday you don't want Allah to bring those things up in the devgamm so let go of anyone who has wronged you personal issues let it go. It was not a principal issue is that there's not a purpose of hockey right or wrong. They don't have been leaving. They go by start a new we've debated we all good. We even got to a first fight yesterday on the rugby field. Tomorrow we start new The game is over. That's how that's how a believer works. And we should look beyond this very important thing we should be look

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beyond the incident. Sometimes we can win the battle but lose the war. So I tell the brother, for example. You can win this debate. I can say yes, it's your husband that she doesn't have to visit

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The family if you if you want to be by the book, you want to be technical, but you're gonna lose your wife. She's not gonna love you. What do you want? Do you want to win the battle? You want to save your marriage? What do you want? You want to have that 10,000 Rand or you're gonna lose your friendship over that. What's more important? Do you want to win the debate? We want to split the German off. We know that student visa a man with two ladies each study system came and they said this is my child. So now visa layman said no problem. I'll make this fee to women arguing This is my child. So I'll cut the child in half. And both of you can have half of it. Right? We know the story.

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Who am I? Right? So the mother, the two mothers said, No, that's fine. You can have the child in the lobby. Suleiman understood you were the real mother. So and we understand that we should aim and not being silly is saying, well, we can divide it and then it's a lose lose situation. Yes, it's equal. But it's a lose lose situation. So when everyone knows I understand that analogy. But why is it so easy for us to say, Well, if we don't agree on this issue, we're going to divide the committee, we're going to divide the masjid, we're going to build our own budget. It's like we're killing the child in half meaning both sides lose, nobody wins. Look beyond the debate. We know in the Sharia,

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for example, you're allowed to lie which is a major sin, to bring reconciliation. Similarly, there are truths that we say that bring Discord. They are to serve the benefit. I'm telling the truth, I'm just saying XYZ. But understand that that truth can actually cause harm. We understand our marriage. You know, you don't tell your wife, you know, you look XYZ. You should also look fat in this thing. You don't tell the truth the

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you don't tell the truth. The your husband goes both ways. Asthma says Do I look fat in this wife knows you don't tell the truth, the right heart the right thing is not to tell the truth. Similarly, when we cause discord, and someone might say but I am right on this issue. Yes, you are right, brother. Yes, you your your evidence is stronger. Yes, you are more correct. But the replica, the repercussions of this thing will bring harm to everyone else. The best example is my husband, Roger lon. He was better than our Dylan. Use beta. He was with the hackers with him. But he understood that unity was even better than me being the halifa. That is the bigger picture. And sometimes we

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don't understand this. The bigger picture must always be kept integral. So don't lose focus on the ultimate objective of your relationship, your marriage, your relationship with your family, your friends, your family, your relationship at work, your relationship in terms of an email, list, not one argument who's bigger harm.

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And this and we know these are this is from conflict resolution, and it comes back to what the prophets of Salaam says. So Allah, the prophet Petia tells us so whenever you win a conflict, listen to the words of Rasulullah salam,

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he tells us something. So tomorrow, you're gonna argue with your wife, your mother, your father, your employees, your manager, your your fellow colleagues, whatever it might be. The Prophet says shut up tell you something that is even better, when fasting sooner fasting, and sooner Sala and soon a charity. A man who fasts everyday and he makes the hygiene everyday and he spends millions in challenge the dispenser value of Allah. Allah says, a prophet says I'll tell you better than that. So Salim said yes, what can be better than that? reconciling in a case of discord? For the discord is the shaver, the one that destroys religious commitment? The people that bring Islam are the

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people that mediate that come together, we sit together, these people are even more holier in the sight of Allah than the man who's making magic and fasting shows you what does Allah love more, the sooner ibadah or being a good human being here, Allah saying, what is the priority? So sometimes you in a debate, you can you can tell yourself, I can win this debate and bring discord, or I can lose the debate and bring unity. Remember this, don't do it for the sake of your wife or your mother, or your friend, do it for the sake of Allah. Because I want a lot to love me. That's why I'm doing it not for you for the sake of Allah. The prophet SAW Selim says he's our ally. And we said this who

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seeks to record it's not lying, when you say a word, even if it's not true, but to bring people together. And as we said, if you have any beef with anyone in your life right now, think of the person that you hate the most in your life, right? If it's not for the sake of the dean or a proper reason, right, then it's not permissible. The Prophet says it is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, each of them not looking at one not speaking to one another. And the beta one is the one who comes to the salon First, if there's anyone in your life, it's a Muslim, that you're not speaking to, purely for the sake of some dunya reason. And after Juma

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for the sake of Allah says Allah can elevate you pick up the phone and says, I just wanna say Mubarak to you Salaam Alaikum. You know, we should have a cup of coffee, whatever it might be. Do it for the sake Well, that is better than yours of the 100 years of fasting. The gates of Paradise the prophecies are open on Mondays and Thursdays and everyone who does not come a cheat liquid Allah is given forgiveness Allah forgives you.

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Those days Mondays. That's where you're forced, except a man who has has had an argument with his fellow brother. It is said and when they about to be forgiven, Allah says wait for these two to reconcile until they reconcile Allah Farah is mercy does not befall on them. One of the reasons why almost like this,

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we are not getting almost forgiveness because we're not willing to forgive that forgiveness is there it's hanging until we pick up the phone and see some of

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the prophecies, I guarantee you a place in Jenna, for one who gives up arguing, even if he's on the right, and I guarantee in the place of gender, the middle if you are joking. So the point is that if even if you are right, even if you are correct, even if the other person is being arrogant, and being rude, or whatever it might be, but you some are gonna argue with you, then do it for your house in general. I'm not doing it because I like you, I might still hate you. But I'm doing it for the sake of my house in general. last advice. The prophet SAW Selim says, Do not be envious of one another, the good that someone else says Don't be envious. Do not artificially inflate your prices

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to compete with one another. Don't hate one another. Don't turn your backs and shun one another, do not undercut one another in business transaction and be servants of Allah brothers to one another. A Muslim is a brother to a fellow Muslim. He does not around him. He does not fail him when he has when the person needs something is needed to support him. He never lies to him. And he does not show any animosity to him. taqwa is here the Prophet says and he points to his chest three times. Then the Prophet says these profound words, it is enough of a sin for a person to just have ill feelings, contempt, withdrawal, it's a sin just to think badly of somebody, one Muslim thinking badly of

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another Muslim. And sometimes we do this. When you ask someone, what do you say but automatically, Shia is arrogant. All the negative things comes in your mind. That's how you understand you don't think the Marshal of a man who makes five times a day is a believer is give charity fasted Ramadan? No. So just to have a negative perception of someone is a sin. All of all of a Muslim, everything of a Muslim, the Prophet Solomon is sacred. Everything of a Muslim is sacred to another Muslim, his blood, his wealth, his honor, it's sacred in the sight of Allah it's haram to touch or to harm those things. May Allah subhanho wa Taala reconcile between us, let us to let go these arguments and

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difference for the sake of Allah. I mean, next week we'll talk about marital discord and family discord insha. Allah, just a quick few announcements while one main announcement, so in sha Allah, Allah clauses here at the masjid on hold for about a month or so until September, but we'd like to continue having our weekly audio lectures being given via WhatsApp. So we want to start what we call our elearning. Or what's Islam? What's Islam elearning maybe to 20 minute lectures every week, and we'd like you to support your assistance to tell us which topics you'd be interested in listening to, what topics would you want to listen to on your way to work? Whenever you want to be whenever

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you want, I don't want to teach something that you're not interested in. So we have a list of seven topics. You can take down the number and you can see if we talk about through the topics The first one is about marriage happily ever after. How do you select the spouse? How should you when someone knocks on your door to give you your daughter's hand in marriage? What must you say yes or no? What is Annika like what causes medical discord? How do I find a good spouse so that's the topic on marriage. Second thing bridging the divide on Shiism is a series on she has a what or she has what also needs Why do we differ What is the reason for that? It's a series on Shiism, the number three

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back to basics. We're going to take our normal madrasa fixed up how to make solid how to take without to go and hedge. We learn basics in madressa. Let's take it further let's look at differences in math hubs. Back to Basics. Number four, why Islam contemporary issues in the 21st century? Does Islam still make sense? Does Islam still make sense within evolution? fossils? We have gender homosexuals, all these things Islam is compatible with the modern world we'll discuss these controversial questions. Then in celebration of women's month we could have a topic on the the wives of the Prophet SAW Selim, every one of you must know who the wives of the Prophet of Islam are. Why

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because they are your mother's per Allah. And in that series will discuss gender issues, will speak about why the prophecies are married more than four wives. The Quran says you can only marry for your Prophet salsola married more than that, what I share nine year old girl when he married her, what about his slaves that he had? What do we took those kind of very awkward questions will come in here but it's a story. So that's on the women around the messenger. Topic number six is going to be Tafseer of surah. Yaseen, choose a mezuzah to recite daily. It's good that you understand those those things. So the ultimate reminder and then lastly, a journey through the heavens. We're going

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to go through space. We'll go through touring Jana Jana will look at life in the barossa for the date, we look at the world of the jinn, the world of the angels, the signs of piano so we're going to take you on a journey through the unknown world in the series so one of these so I want to inshallah, please take down this number. Everyone in the gym, even if you don't have to listen

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into it. Even if you're not going to listen to any of it, choose which of the three is your favorite, you just put the number down 123 and please WhatsApp that for us make us make life easy for us. Zach Lehane Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh