The Etiquette of Disagreement – Episode 03

Muhammad West


Channel: Muhammad West


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Episode Notes

Types of disagreements

  • Personal disagreement
  • Marital and family disagreement
  • Work disagreement
  • Religious disagreements

Personal disagreements

  • Competition for resources
  • Conflicting physiologies and personalities
  • Conflicting views

The “Adaab” to overcome these differences

  • Identify the source of the conflict – Why are we even fighting
  • Try to understand and respect the counter view – Learn to listen, Never judge the person or the intentions of the other person
  • Try to work from common ground
  • Ethics in dialogue – I statements vs You, Private vs Public, Not to hurt
  • Look for a win-win solution – Everyone must a chance and everyone must compromise
  • Objective outsider
  • Gracious in victory and sorry in defeat
  • Let go of past issues – Would you not like Allah to forgive your faults?
  • Look beyond the incident

Relationships with Family

“… and fear Allaah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship)…”

Surah Al Nisa 4:1

The Rahim

  • The Rahim = the womb
  • Ar Rahmaan

The status of the Rahim

Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
‘Allaah created the universe, and when He had finished, kinship (al-rahm) stood up and said, “This is the standing up of one who seeks Your protection from being cut off.” Allaah said, “Yes, would it please you if I were to take care of those who take care of you and cut off those who cut you off?” It said, “Of course.” Allaah said, “Then your prayer in granted.”

The curse of Allah

‘Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight. Do they not then think deeply in the Quran, or are their hearts locked up (from understanding it)?’

Narrated by al-Bukhari, 5987; Muslim, 2554

What does keeping family ties mean?

The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said:

“The one who maintains a relationship with his relatives only because they maintain a relationship with him is not truly upholding the ties of kinship. The one who truly upholds those ties is the one who does so even if they break off the relationship.”


The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“Whoever would like his rizq (provision) to be increased and his life to be extended, should uphold the ties of kinship.”

(Reported by al-Bukhaari, 5986 and Muslim, 2557)


“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.”

Surah Al Israa 17:23

“Say, “Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited to you. [He commands] that you not associate anything with Him, and to parents, excellence, and do not kill your children out of poverty; We will provide for you and them.”

Surah Al An’aam 6:151

“And do not approach immoralities – what is apparent of them and what is concealed. And do not kill the soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed] except by [legal] right. This has He instructed you that you may use reason.”

Surah Al An’aam 6:151

“There is no obedience if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. Obedience is only with regard to that which is right and proper.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6380) and Muslim 91840)

And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.

Surah Luqman 31:14

But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.

Surah Luqman 31:15

“The pleasure of the Lord lies in the pleasure of the parent. The anger of the Lord lies in the anger of the parent.”

[Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]

In another tradition narrated in the Musnad of Imam Aḥmad, a man comes to the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and says,

“O Messenger of Allāh, I have come from a far away land [in some versions he says Yemen], and I have immigrated to Madīnah in order to be with you and do jihād behind you, and I have even left my parents crying in order to be with you.” This is the first time he is seeing the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam). He is trying to boast to the Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) that he has done so much for the sake of jihād that he even left his mother and father crying. The Prophet (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “Go back to them and make them laugh just like you made them cry.”

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man may be raised in status in Paradise and will say, Where did this come from? And it will be said: From your son’s praying for forgiveness for you.”

Narrated by Ibn Maajah

“O Ibn ‘Abbās, I have done this and I have done that. I have fornicated and I have drunk wine.” He basically did every sin in the book. “What can I do to make up for this?” Ibn ‘Abbās said, “Are your parents alive?” He said, “My mother is alive.” Ibn ‘Abbās said, “Go and serve her because wallāhi, I know of no good deed that cleanses a man of all of his sins than servicing his parents.”

Abud-Darda’ (radiAllahu ánhu) reported: I had heard Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu ályhi wasallam) saying,
“A parent is the biggest and best and middle of the gates of Jannah; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it.”

[At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah]

Story of Ibn Abbas
“Go and serve her because wallāhi, I know of no good deed that cleanses a man of all of his sins than servicing his parents.”

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Are we live in Chicago? rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala COVID mursaleen Sayidina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi Marine My beloved brothers in Islam salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu.

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All Praise be to Allah Subhana Allah, Allah Allah Allah Allah I bear with me said man has the right to be worshipped except Allah. We praise Allah replied to him on a big of Him for His forgiveness and his kindness. We thank Him for His mercies and his blessings. We send our love greetings and salutations so beloved Nabi Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to his pious and pure family and to all those who follow you soon until the end of time, was paneled Allah bless has to be in the Sunnah of the prophet SAW Salem. Our Grant has worked of Jamal to be a walk of blessing, a walk to forgiveness from Allah subhanho wa Taala guidance once we leave this Masjid to be the better people

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than the ones that we came in. I mean, well, hamdulillah we're continuing the series of if the love of differences of agreement, how do we get along in a world, we will constantly find differences, the way you see the world will be different to the way I see the world. And we see we are leading up starting step by step to get to the very controversial issues like molad versus be diverse Sunni, Shia Islam vs Sunni Islam, modernism, all these kind of juicy topics. How do we get to resolve those conflicts, we need to be able to resolve the smaller ones, the ones in our personal capacity, we spoke about personal issues and how people disagree. And last week, we said, basically, if you want

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a principle of what each each week, maybe you want to retain 100% of the lecture. If you take one principle away from what we spoke about last week, we sit in your personal capacities, there is a framework in how you deal with differences. But ultimately, what Islam says very clearly, you should not cut people off for the sake of the dunya. If your issue is purely selfish, your own, not even selfish, meaning you are wrong, you are the truth, you have the house, it's your Huck, but it's for the sake of the dunya, then you should not destroy a relationship based on that, that if he needs to be you need to let things go for the dunya let them go. Because Allah subhana wa tada will replace

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that with something better. We and this will come very much in today's lecture when I speak to our judge. So I tell them, you're going to stand in the harem, you're going to stand in the queue and someone's gonna burst in the queue. That person was wrong. He's wrong. How do you respond? you respond by saying, Okay, go ahead. If you want to go in? Yes, it's your right to say no, no, get to the back of the queue. I'm not saying that, by that you are condoning his actions. But you know, you say, Well, I'm here in the state of Iran, it's more than me getting to outbreak first is less important than me keeping this one avoiding a conflict. And that's the mindset that you keep in the

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dunya. When it comes to the dounia issues. Yes, we'll talk about when it's an issue of principle. We can't keep quiet when it comes to the UK. We can't remain silent. But we'll get to that inshallah. Today, we're talking about something far more relevant. She has been Moeller, that's not very big in your life in our life. That's not the big concern, even though I know we all have these things. The real concern is how do we get along with the people that we were born with? The relationships that we have to that we're going to be accountable for on the day of karma on the day of karma? Allah subhanaw taala is not going to ask you what the mdcc to sign up to these issues. I was going to ask

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you what kind of son or daughter, husband, wife, brother, sister, you're going to be how did you maintain your family relationship? How did I maintain that, and therefore, the biggest fights we have are really the people that are most closest and important to us. And therefore we discuss the etiquettes of disagreement within the family context. Before we talk about the disagreement, I want us to understand how important family is in our Sharia. When we talk about family we does it list in terms of priority.

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And the level of the heat is the level of Salah is the level of charity waders, how important is this issue of family to Allah. So that's when you get into a confrontation. And you're about to break this family link understand the seriousness of it in the sight of Allah. So the Prophet peace upon him in Juma in hospital hygiene. That would be a year all the time the province of Salem would recite it, la, la la la de la una de Waal or ham. Most every Friday, the prophet peace be upon him reminder these Gemma have Taqwa be concerned, be conscience, be scared. Look to the rights of Allah, Allah, Allah de Luna be the one to which you demand your rights. So remember Allah, you want your

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rights from Allah, so be sure to keep the rights of Allah, when Allah and Allah says and, and be aware of the beauty of the ties of the womb, beware of the ties of the womb. So as Allah says, make sure you fulfill the rights to Allah and make sure you fulfill the rights of your relatives every Friday. The prophecies are lumped with the

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Mind is Gemma of this thing. This is I in the Quran Surah Nisa. Fear Allah and fear the ties of your relationship all the time. What does this word mean? The word Rahim. The word Rahim. Yes comes from Rama meaning mercy, that of him is the uterus. So if you want to learn in Arabic word uterus in Arabic means, Rahim, the womb. Why? Why is the it comes from Rama? Why? Because the mother's womb encompasses the baby from all angles with mercy. from all sides, there's love and mercy. That's why it's called the Rahim. And Allah subhanaw. taala says, I have taken my name Rahman. From the Rahim Al Rahman, which is the most powerful name of allah after the name Allah is Allah says, I've taken

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my name, man, from the Rahim, from the womb from the uterus, and the for the ties that bind you to the uterus, those people that are in your life that you didn't choose a lot, put them in your life. So certain people in our lives, we choose, we want to be friends, we don't want to be friends, when we married, we don't wanna be mad, it's our choice. But there are people Allah has selected to be in our life without him without our choice. These are the people that are him. These are the ties of him.

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And to understand how important this relationship is to Allah, the Prophet peace your partner says to us, that when Allah created the universe, when he created creation, and when he had finished the creation, that our him, the ties of kinship, stood up and said, and said to Allah, this is the standing of the one who seeks your prediction from being connected to Allah, Allah, I ask you, that you protect me from those who will cut me off that will cut Family Ties away. So Allah says, Yes, would it please you, if I were to take care of those who take care of you, and I will cut of those who cut you off. Of course, your prayer has been accepted. So Allah Subhana, Allah is saying, when

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you cut off your family relationships, understand, you are cutting a lot out of your life. When you cut out that relative that Allah has put into your life through the Rahim, you're cutting a lot of your life, whether they're right or wrong, whether that person was good or bad to you, Allah has put this principle, the one who does not fall and I speak to them, I'll give you a good sermon to you all, speaking to myself, because I know I'm not the best son. I'm not the best brother. I'm not the best grandson, nephew, whatever it might be not the best, we can always be better, we can always be better. But understand, every time you need to make a choice about your family ties. It's not the

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rest that you might catch your brother, it's the rest you practice a lot of your life. So Allah has said on the day he created creation, whoever cuts that off him the ties of kinship, when he has cut a lot out of his life, and then the Prophet peace upon him. And he cited this verse, When Allah subhanaw taala says, Would you then if you're given authority, do mischief in the land and sever the ties of kinship? Such are they or them who incur the curse of Allah. So one of the punishments of the person who has broken the ties of his family kinship, he incurs the liner of Allah subhanaw taala. Now the line of Allah is very serious. Many people may Allah protect us will might incur the

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punishment of Allah punishment is one thing, but the curse of Allah is with someone Allah says to He believes that he is thrown away from the mercy of Allah, the learner will almost curse the sins on someone, it's worse than his anger. In the Quran, you find that if some groups they will incur the anger, the magnitude, the anger of Allah is bad, but the line is even worse. So one of the punishments of Catholic over the ties of relationship to a law of kinship is that the length the liner of a law is upon again. So now every time you make this choice, should I argue with my brother? Should I argue with my uncle, even though uncle is maybe not so good, right? And then he

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said, should I become impatient with my parents? You understand? I'm cutting a lot of my life and I'm potentially incurring the curse of a lot. Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Whatever we are arguing,

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of course,

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what is keeping ties of kinship mean? You find the so many times in the Quran and the Sunnah, the one who keeps the ties of kinship, in fact, before Sala was made compulsory before Salah became an obligation. When they asked the prophets of Salaam What is your deen all about? He summarized to say this Deen is about worshiping Allah alone not to come and check number one. Number two, not to kill, not to harm or to steal, and number three to keep the ties of kinship. This was the basic message of Islam, even before salah and Hajj became compulsory to maintain the relationships with your relatives. And the provocation goes further. And he says the one who maintains a relationship with

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his relatives, only because he maintains a relationship with Him is not truly upholding the ties of kinship. So being good with a brother with a cousin or an uncle, you get along with that's not maintaining the ties of kinship. That's not what the property's talking about. That should really happen.

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It's about the one who upholds those ties, even with the one who breaks it off, it's being being deliberately good to that family member. That's difficult. That's the challenge, the one that insults you, the one that has bad ways, the one that has some argument with you, if you can maintain a relationship with that person, that's what a lie saying, keep the ties of kinship, let's see difficulty. That's a difficult thing to do. difficult thing to do, even if you are right, of course, if you're the wrong one, in a situation, that's even worse. But I mean, if you are the one that is correct, and you've got a relative, that is wrong in the way they conduct this bed, and you still

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able to give that person Good luck, and you go out of your way to bring that person closer to you. This is the ties of kinship, that Allah is talking about this what Allah wants you to do. This is what. So if you have anybody and again, you need to think about the person in your life, where you quite a lot with the person that you argue with, and they might be a person you don't speak to anymore. And he is a relative who she's a relative of yours, you need to fix that relationship in Estonia, because while I will be asked about this on piano, I'm going to ask you about what the FCC debated with this movie on this issue and ask how do you argue with this person? That's the answer

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we had? Do we have an answer for that. And his reward for this, of course, it's not easy, and therefore the reward is great. And the Prophet peace upon him tells us we'll ever once he's in

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his business, his money to increase and his life to increase the bottom line, I see this, that we think that our data is put out and yes, our data is put out. But Allah can even increase your expiration date, Allah can give you an extra 10 years, how do you get extra 10 years, you should keep the ties of kinship. Maintain your ties of kinship, and you'll find Baraka in your business, you'll find Baraka and eukarya, you'll find even Baraka in your life, your health will go longer.

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Again, the framework I'm teaching you when it comes to family, we don't look at who's right or wrong. just maintain that bond for the sake of Allah. And it will give you blessings in this dunya and akhira. And it will help you in being a better it will make your life happier.

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Of course, the most important relationship we'll talk about a number of relationships, some some frameworks that Sharia teaches us. So there are frameworks that you find in psychology, how do you interact with parents? How do you interact with children? How do you interact with your siblings? The Sharia has given us very clear guidelines. For example, when it comes to siblings, to avoid family conflict, you have to give give equally amongst your siblings. This is a law in the Sharia, if you give one son, then give all your sons equally, why to avoid animosity that in for example, you cannot marry two sisters at the same time. Why? Why is it haram? Why it's time to marry two

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sisters and send them Why? Because you're going to have jealousy between the sisters. So it's more important that the ties of sister would escape, then husband and wife escaped you understand. So Allah made that you can't have them at the same time. So you understand the Sharia has an etiquette to maintain these ties of kinship. And of course, the most important relationship in your life in my life. No relationship is more important in this. This is the relationship that will protect us will be the means to intergender or the main signal to jahannam the relationship between me and my parents, you and your parents, all of us who have parents living or have passed away Allah have

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mercy on those who are alive, alive, man forgiveness to those who have passed away. But this is a relationship we're going to have to answer for. This is a this is one of the big questions on the exam on the day of karma. What was the status of our relationship with our parents?

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And it's going to be x is going to be asked for it. The children are going to be asked about the parents. So Allah subhanaw taala said this Waka darbuka Allah Abu Illa iya or beloved Santa, when Allah explains what's important, what are the priorities in life, Allah says I have decreed say that YOLO has decreed that number one do not worship anyone besides Allah priority number one, priority number two, and two parents give them Asana give them your best treatments, but doesn't tell you how what the details you just give them your best treatment number one no * number two, be good to your parents. And with one of them or both of the if one or two of them become older, reach old age

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with you then do not say a word of woof woof is the lowest form of showing in Arabic language, annoyance.

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Even a bad sin if there was a word even lesser than like a sign Allah would have used that in the Quran. So it is the lowest form of of irritation. So Allah says do not show any form of irritation to them and do not wanna kill alpha takahama ofin wa takahama do not push them over.

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In any way Do not make them feel rejected in any way. But speak to them in colon Karima speak to them in beautiful speech all the time, even when you're even when they're arguing with you, even when they're shouting at you even when they are wrong. And then as Allah says, when they become old and use when it does become,

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they become you know, not maybe the truth is not with him, maybe what they're saying is incorrect. Maybe they they grumpy that day it's possible they only human, but Allah says in that case when they are grumpy and angry and moody and shouting at you, speak to them with beautiful speech and don't show any irritation. What still if they are not if they are in the right, if they are giving you sound advice, how do you respond? And Allah goes further analysis of lahoma and lower to them the wing of humility meaning use humble yourself before your parents, you always small in front of them. No matter what you achieve in life, no matter how smart you are in life, you had PhD profession,

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whatever your parents, our parents might not have gone that for you lower to them, you are small and they are big. We need to humble ourselves before them. Allah says this is the relationship Allah is decreed. This is the interaction with our mothers with our fathers. We are always small and they're always big. They're always right and we are always wrong you know in in like the retail spaces a customer's always right even when he's wrong. The customers that are you give the customer a smile. Even in your mind you might think something else but you give that in the vase. Islam says when it comes to parents that's how it should be.

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Sold lower to them. The wings of submission of humility, mean are Rama of humility out of mercy were called Rob Burnham, Houma, Kamara, biani Sahara and say, I'm going to offer them as much as you can Allah have mercy on them as they had mercy for me when we were small, because we know for 2030 years, we were the biggest concerns of the life. In fact, those first few years we don't feel completely helpless. Nobody will do for us what they did. And those of us who are parents of young kids, we know our kids take a toll on us. And we realize then that we took the toll like that on our parents. Without any argument without any pressure or without any dispute, they accepted that burden

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they went through that those sleepless nights, those hours of sitting with us. So it's only about a lie saying you only doing you know cleaning swallow if our parents get to that level we mean to clean them if there are, you know, unable to clean themselves now live mercy and will protect us from that. Just remember, our parents did that for us when we were kids. They cleaned our backsides.

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So this is something a lesson just remember you're only paying back a little of what you already received that date that you owe them.

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This is if you're sleeping I want you to wake up in July if you're sleeping right now. Those are the days that will just wake up this is very, very amazing. Allah subhanho wa Taala says dialysis cool tallow atooma huruma Rob bumalik Come Come let me say to you Alesis Let me tell you what I have made her arm so obviously when you learn it like this I was going to tell you a list of things that are haram don't do this don't do this Don't do this. So Allah says the things that are haram major haram number one,

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lead to silica do not cheat with Allah Eva, do not come a chick. Now I skipped one and then also what a duck to Lou oleta coming in luck and do not kill your children out of fear of poverty, poverty, National Zoo cuckoo em, we are the ones that feed you and then we give the reason to kill them. So don't make sure don't kill your children.

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And do not come near Do not come near to any illegal sexual things do not come near to evil things that are good or that are that are open or that are closed and do not kill someone do not murder or kill somebody. Right? These things always forbidden when and in the middle the Allah says so it's all don't do don't come a chick. Don't kill your children. Don't come close to fracture. Don't kill mode, murder someone and in the middle of this will be valid any signer and be an excellent to parents.

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Isn't it about don't do don't do. So how does this make sense? And be excellent to your parents. What the orlimar mentioned here is to say if you give if I give my parents anything less than a son, son is excellent best. If I give my parents any treatment other than a son, I have committed a sin. And these are big sins right? shield killing your children murdering somebody committing Zina. These are big sins. So Allah saying it's a major sin. If you don't give your parents a sign not to say only good this is the difference between good treatment fee treatment isn't is that higher level treatment, the best treatment. So Allah is saying, if you don't give your parents the best

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treatment, it's awesome. And that's why some scholars is very scary.

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The scariest relationship is our relationship with our parents. Very, very scary.

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You in a confrontation you in an argument about something, you need to ask yourself this is this is one listen that we take from this Juma I must give my parents if son, give them the best, what would be the best in the situation? What words would be the best? Not right or wrong, not good or bad, the best I can give him excellence that will make them happy. Even if they are difficult, even if they are wrong. That's what Allah wants from us. That's what always demanded from us. Very difficult. Allah says there is no relationship Allah does not even ask us to give Allah Subhan.

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Allah doesn't even say give Allah son, that if you get the, you know, it's a journey. But for parents, you must give them a son, you have to give your kids the base, you have to give your wife the base, you'd have to give a lot of the best, but you have to give your parents the best. anything short of the base is deficiency. And it's a major sin. May some Allah forgive us. None of us have given our parents the best. None of us have seen throughout, you know, we've all seen things we shouldn't have said, we hope we can take back that when we realize what we've said they're big in the sight of Allah. We ask that our parents Forgive us, when they have mercy on us, when we have not

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given them the best. Of course,

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someone might ask what about if our parents are wrong? What if they make mistakes? Obviously, they human they make mistakes? What if we struggle with money, or without usually with our with our wife with our in laws? When it comes to our kids, they have a view we have a view of difference of opinion here? How do we manage this relationship? Sometimes they might even be clearly wrong, even from a Sharia perspective. They're wrong. So how do we bridge How do I give them the best? and stole we have a dispute? What does it mean I have to accept? If they tell me Well, I don't like your wife divorce? Or do I divorce them? if they if they say you know what you should, you should do x y this

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is how your kids should be raised. I just obey and accept everything. So Allah, the principal in the Sharia, the Prophet peace upon him tells us there is no obedience to the creation, if it's this obedient to Allah. So yes, we never commit sin. And we never take the rights of others, even to please our parents. We never please our parents at the expense of the Sharia law, Sharia must always be followed to so how do you reckon this is where the problem comes in? How do I reconcile standing for the truth, while at the same time giving my parents at the base and a loss of Angela speaks about this liquid on a loss is also in an incentive invalidating Hamada to move and another one of

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his auto fee are many. And initially when you really dig in La, La La, see, so Allah says that I have commanded you to be good to your parents, because your mother carried you in hardship, while in jaha, Dhaka and to Sri Lanka. But if they jerrica, they fight you to come and check if your parents fight you to come here. Now pause for a minute to

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put this in context. If you have a dispute with your parents, whether it's money, in laws, your wife, your whatever it might be, it cannot be worse than a parent who is actively forcing you to come and check, right?

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They can't be more wrong than that. You understand. We're saying there's no argument worse, are saying the worst kind of argument is where your parent is forcing you to come up with a law. Now that dispute If ever you had a right to tell your mother or your father a get lost, I'm not listening to you now. Now you're talking nonsense is if I tell you, I want you to worship an idol. Understand that. So Allah says in that kind of dispute, well, sorry, boo Murphy dunya maruf, then give them the best Sahaba be a Sahaba be like Abu Bakar is the proper Salah, a period like that, give them Sahaba and treat them with maroof kind good treatment, treat them well, to a parent who's

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forcing you to come a chick

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like Nabil Ibrahim's father, Alyssa salam, this was a father, we tried to force his son to come a chick. And when his son refused, he tried to burn him alive. Ibrahim has gave him the best treatment still. This is a parent that forced you to commit chick, what about the parent who encourages you to do good and Imperial Intelligence to do more good of Islam? The worst kind of parent that you have, and some of us might not have the best parents, their parents that are that might be deficient because they're human as well. You might have non Muslim parents still Alesis for that parent who tells you to come a chick you give them the best kind of service software is companionship. You be

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the best companion Yes, you disobey them. When it comes to committing cheat, you don't follow the advice, but you still give them the best three. So this is how you need to do this is it's difficult. You cannot break the Sharia law. But you always need to give your parents the blessing the best. And that's why Allah subhanaw taala tells us prophets is the pleasure of Allah.

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lies in the pleasure of your parents. You please them you please Allah, no amount of gadget, no amount of fasting, no amount of charity, even if you give billions in charity will count as much in the sight of Allah than pleasing our parents.

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And no and the displeasure and the anger of Allah lies in displeasing our parents.

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One of the major sins we all fall into is we've upset our parents. We can say yes, I feel safe. I haven't committed Zina. I don't drink I don't do what I'm a good person. But how many times have we armed our parents? And how many of our good deeds are indeed useless because of the Allah forgive us a little bit of thickness.

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A man comes with an abyssal Salaam. And he says, Yeah, rasulillah I have come from far away.

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From although and I've I have made Egypt I've lived my people to come to Medina. So that I may be with you may be as a hobby, and I can make Jihad behind you. And I've left my family, even I've given up everything for you. eurosla. And I left my parents even they crying for me to stay. So this man is thinking, it's time to tell the problem. You know how much I've sacrificed to be a Sahaba with you, and I've lived my parents, and they are crying for me so that I can be with you. So the Prophet peace upon recently responded and said, Did you leave them that your mother crying your mother and father crying for you? So he said, Yes. So prophecies, go back to them, and make them

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laugh, as you made them cry, don't be my Sahabi don't make Jihad with me. That's not important. Go make your parents laugh, make them happy. That's more important. We always have this concept that if I'm a Jew majority, the shade of course the great reward. Of course, it's a great Act of, of submission to Allah, even better than that is to bring pleasure and joy to parents.

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If our parents have so how do we I mean, relationship is very old relationship with the same How do you? How do you make a relationship work, you spend more time with with with your wife, your husband, your parents, spend more time with him. We live in a world will become independent, we are told, and we are told in our relationships, once you are out of the house, in the world we live in, then you are your own person. No one can tell me anything. Right? No Islamism ever sees Islam says no. You're always in submission to your parents. And you can never ever Can you pull away. And that relationship is on us as children to maintain it. So understand that concept. It's not a two way

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street. in marriage, we say it's a two way street, as we must give and the child and the wife must give both of you must compromise when it comes to parents and children alike. Maybe such. There's no there's no, there's no two ways to it's only one way we give us kids and that's it. We give to our parents house, no questions asked. We maintain that relationship. If that relationship is broken, even if the parents at fault. I was going to ask us for that about that. If your parents have passed away, many of you might feel my parents have died. What do I do now? There's a beautiful Hadith the Prophet says a man will be raised in status in gender. And he will come with all these good rewards

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and he will say Where did all this come from your Allah and Allah will say it is from the forgiveness of your child that may do all for you. Your parents have passed away content relationship continues, continue to give the best to your father, your mother if they've died by giving spending making to offer them.

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A man comes to the prophet SAW one of the Sahaba and he said I've committed such a sin such as an all these bad things, Xena murder was the absence. And he said What can I do? So the Sahabi when a boss said to him, do you have a piano that's alive? So the man said yes, I have a mother's alive. So he said, even if I said go and serve her with your wealth, server be good to her. Why? Because I don't know of any deed bigger and greater, that can forgive sins like pleasing appearance.

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When we think of forgiveness, we don't usually leave the two. By by pleasing our parents, it will be a means that our sins are forgiven. Some major sin we did in the past, Allah can forgive it simply by pleasing our parents.

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The profits also lumps is the biggest door and the widest door. And the middle door of Jenna is that of your parents,

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meaning the door that most people can enter through. And the easiest way we can enter through gender is by pleasing our parents. That's the number one way that we can intergender is through our parents. And they for one companion when his father had died, his parents had died he was crying. And he said I'm not crying that my deeds of that my that my father is dead. I'm crying that door of gentleman's close to me now. I can't get the now that's finished. Well is that relationship you know, if you you love your wife, you love your husband, but you can replace them with another wife with another husband, even kids, but you will never ever replace a parent. That relationship is a

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test for

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period of time. And it's strange. It starts off with a look after us. And they have patience with us. And once we independent, they've done the job. They've done the job. Now it's our turn. Irrespective of our unreasonable, they'll remember we were unreasonable kids. We didn't care that they have to go to work in the morning. We cried at two o'clock the morning doesn't matter. We didn't care about that. Now that tables have turned a loss is now your parents have done the job. You're strong and independent. What are you going to do?

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This is the this is the reason why I carry so much. That was beautiful, Heidi, beautiful story. Maybe you heard about the story. A man comes on how much of the problem also is so solemn, and he comes to a bus and he's carrying his old mother on his back, carrying his mother on his back. And he says, Yeah, even a bus. My mother has been like nagging me for years she wants to come. I've been trying to save but this can save enough money to carry her for Hajj, buying an animal. So I have now physically carried from like Yemen on my back to bring on Hajj. Right this son. So he says to my boss, now tell me Have I fulfilled my duty as a son? Have I kept my duty to my parents ever given my

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heart that she deserves, even ever smiles? And he says No, you haven't done a fraction of what you're supposed to give. So how can you say that I carrying on my back. So even a boss responds and says, Remember, you are coming to me telling me you carrying her out of a sense of guilt and burden obligation, which he carried you. She didn't do it out of burden or guilt she did out of love. She did it purely for your sake, because she loves you because she was she was happy to do it. You don't have to carry her. You do have the burden. But she did it out of love this. That's why that date cannot be paid cannot be repaid. No matter what we do. The best we can do.

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The best we can do is give the best. When we are deficient, we ask Allah to forgive us, aka parents to forgive us. And this relationship brother so when you leave this machine my message to you, no matter what parents you have, give them the best, nothing less than the best, even if they're wrong. And that will be your means of Jenna mean.

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Just one announcement Alhamdulillah. We've done our poll in terms of what online quiz to do. And a lot of people have responded. All the topics have basically come up similar, different people want to want different things. But I think in the light that it's women's month in August, and that many of you have asked with regards to controversial issues in Islam, why Islam allows certain things with regards to women. We're going to do with this topic number five, the women around the messenger. And it ties in this today's topic. Why? Because these women are our mothers per the Sharia. This is our mother. As Allah says the wives of the prophets are some are your mother's. Now

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there are 12 wives of the Prophet Salaam. If you can't list all 12 in your mind right now, you don't even know the name of your mother. You don't want to be asked that FGM your own mother You didn't know her name.

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So big, big problem. So at the very least get to know who your mommy is. That's what we're going to talk about in the next and we're going to discuss women's issues. So this will be our our E learning our watts Islam course, and we'll start going out I think towards the end of July or the beginning of August inshallah sokola hate Assalamualaikum