Channel: Mufti Menk
The encouragement of the sunnah of treating women better with utmost respect, to be able to choose beautiful words while speaking to them is emphasized in this lecture in the light of hadith and ayah from Quran in addition to taking care of widows and orphans, educating the women in the limits of Islam, making things easy for the women to get married and not to oppressing them.
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salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
smilla rahmanir rahim In the name of Allah subhanho wa Taala Most Gracious, Most Merciful Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam O Allah Abdullah, Mohammed who Allah Allah He was happy here Jemaine we praise Allah subhanho wa Taala we send complete blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the best of creation, the most noble of all of the messengers of Allah subhanho wa Taala We ask Allah subhanahu wa Jalla to send blessings upon his entire household and all his companions, may Allah bless them and every single one of us and grant us all goodness and ease in this world in the next. I mean,
my brothers and sisters, it's important for us to know that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam led a life
that was so perfect that Allah subhanho wa Taala says, we're in NACA, Allah, Allah fukrey na vi m, indeed u O Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam upon a very great level of character and conduct, the greatest level of character and conduct. His behavior was not just exemplary, but it was absolutely perfect. The way he treated his enemies was something unique, the way in Mecca right at the beginning, when they began persecuting the Muslim in how he confronted them with goodness with kindness. He still responded when the enemy is called out or called to him in order to answer their questions, hoping that perhaps they will enter the fold of Islam. Some of them did, and some of them didn't. When it
comes to the likes of Abu Jamal lessness, evolutionary ommaya have been Caliph. And some of the names of those who did not accept Islam. Whenever they had called Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam. He quickly went hoping perhaps they will ask a question or two that might benefit them, perhaps they might turn to the dean, perhaps it might help them. This was something unique, yet they were the ones who persecuted an arm. When it comes to the life of Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam he treated women with so much of respect. He Sierra and sooner is full of how he treated the women folk. So much so that on one occasion, he told one of those who was steering the animals to be careful because he
when you have glass bottles, you need to ensure that you ride very carefully. Referring to whom, referring to the women, which means Be careful. Make sure that you don't drive in a way that may hurt them or harm them. Imagine that conveyance the mode of transport here, and he is speaking to someone saying, watch out don't hurt them. What about us? May Allah forgive us? Our words, hurt them, our expressions hurt them. Our attitude hurts them, our character and conduct hurts them. And then we still say I'm on the sooner I've got a big beard, haven't you seen it?
May Allah forgive us, the sooner of Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam is sometimes misinterpreted to being only one thing, two things, people look at you and say Mashallah you're on the sooner just because you've dressed in a specific way.
Yes, whilst dress is extremely important. And your outward appearance is extremely important. You need to know that a huge chunk of the sooner is connected to how you treat others, especially your women. When the Prophet peace be upon him says
the best from amongst you
is He who is best to his spouse, his family members.
And when the Prophet peace be upon him says the best from amongst you is and then he says something you need to know it would be very difficult to be from amongst the best. It's not a joke. It's not easy. When he says three outcome a has seen.
The best form amongst you are those who have the best character and conduct you need to know and you need to understand that that means it's not easy to be upon a high level of character and conduct. If that makes me the best. It means it's difficult. When Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam speaks of how important it is
to engage in a specific act that may result in a person's entry into Jenna. We should know that that deed would not be easy to fulfill. It's going to be difficult. It's going to require dedication sacrifice, a change. So in order to earn paradise, you need to be kind to the widows who are widows. widows are women. They are those who've lost their spouses.
Those who are vulnerable sometimes, because people abuse, people look at them, and people seize the opportunity to do wrong. service to the widows and orphans is not easy. When it is done for the sake of Allah, and only Allah subhanho wa Taala. What do I intend? When I'm kind to someone? Am I being kind? Because I want something in return from them? If that's the case, where is Allah in that equation? Am I being kind to you, because I want something from you, or am I being kind because you are my brother or sister in faith. And I would like to please Allah by being good to you, if that's the case, I have achieved. So this is why when we are kind to widows and orphans, that kindness
should be for the sake of Allah. And this is when we get a reward described by Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam of a person being engaged in constant prayer, or a person being engaged in fasting every single day. That's the reward you would get if you were to look after widows and orphans.
He also goes on to say, myself, and the one who takes care of an orphan who sponsors and often will be in paradise like these two fingers.
We will be like these two fingers in paradise. And he showed the first two he brought them together, which means will be my neighbor. It is something difficult to sponsor the children of others, those who don't belong to you in terms of lineage, but at the same time, you are kind to them, you are fulfilling their needs, you are sponsoring them, looking after them, taking care of them, only and solely for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala. May Allah grant us ease and goodness, if you take a look at Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, the way he treated the women. It was so unique, every one of us needs to ask ourselves, are we upon the sooner? Am I upon the sooner of Muhammad Sallallahu sallam,
when it comes to addressing women? Do I think before I speak to them, that I'm about to utter words, these words? Are they harmful, hurtful? Or are they the best of words, Allah has given us a term, and he's given us a brain. We need to use the brain before we use the time. Some of us just use the tongue.
As in when we wish without thinking, This is my mother, when the Hadith says heaven lies at the feet, or at the service of your mother or your parents, according to one narration.
What do we understand from it?
It is the service to your parents. If you cannot serve your mother, the minimum is don't harm her. Don't utter hurtful words to her. My beloved mothers, that does not mean that you get away with murder. And you say I'm the mother, I recall an incident. And it's important for us to mention this where
a certain child wanted to get married. And the mother had a gripe for some strange reason. And she didn't want that to happen because she was elderly and she fought if my son gets married, that city is not going to look after me. She kept putting obstacle she kept delaying. She kept denying, and she kept blackmailing by saying, I'm your mother. Heaven lies at my feet.
If you don't listen to me, it's over your Heaven is gone.
So I said, My beloved mother, heaven only lies at the feet of those mothers going to heaven. Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant is heaven. I mean,
yes, but you will serve your mother no matter what she is doing. You do not obey her when she is wrong. My beloved mothers make it easy for your children, by telling them that which is beautiful, by instructing them to fulfill things that are correct and upright by being kind as well.
So yes, as much as we all supposed to be kind to our parents. Have you noticed when it comes to obedience, Allah says, obedience is for me, which means for Allah, kindness towards your parents, Allah says wakaba Boo.
bhiwani de Santa, Allah has declared
that none shall be worshipped besides Allah, and that you shall be kind towards your parents notice the wording is and he didn't say obedience when they are wrong. He said, You worship Me, which means you obey me, the instruction comes from me, you be kind to your parents. And this is why I usually say when your parent has made a mistake, and they are telling you to do something in the transgression of Allah subhanho wa Taala even when you
deny it needs to be kindly. So you need to be kind to them speak with good words My beloved Mum, I love you so much you the most gorgeous person on earth. But you know what? On this particular matter, my mother would love, respect and kindness. I'm telling you that I cannot adopt it because it goes against the law of Allah.
That's just the tip of how to speak to them. Subhan Allah, they may be better ways of addressing the matter. But never ever do we obey those who are instructing us to do that which is wrong.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive us. Similarly, if we take a look at the kindness that Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam taught towards the women folk based on how he treated them,
we would feel that we don't even know anything about romance. Take a look at Mohammed Salah Salam eating without a shadow of Allah and
the meal that they were having.
Do you know how they ate, he ensured Subhana Allah, that he made her feel loved as they were eating, he made her feel part and parcel of not only his family but him himself. You are me and I am you Subhan Allah. We are one. We are married.
When he drank from the utensil, the Cuba, he made sure that he waited for her to drink. And then when it was passed on to him, he looked for the exact place that her lips were on. And he drank from they're looking at her from the corner of his eye, the men of blushing imagine Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, the treatment of women. Today, they will drink from a bottle or a can or a glass, we will say no ways I don't want your disease. May Allah forgive us? He ate from the bone.
Exactly where she bit from he found the place and bit
and made sure that she blushed and then he used to refer to her with such a beautiful name. You know how someone would refer to their spouse's rosy cheeks?
Humira he referred to her using that name a few times.
I don't the Allahu Allah be pleased with it, Chateau de la Mancha, and all the wives of Muhammad Sallallahu sallam.
So where are we, the son of Mohammed Salah Salem, we come home, it's all about instruction. Do you know what he says? make things easy for the women. You need to understand that the chores that are fulfilled within the house and the cooking and cleaning and what have you, you need to participate in it. If you want to follow the Sierra and you want to follow the sooner because he participated in it as well.
This doesn't mean the sisters go home today and say night we're relaxing Did you hear you want to follow the sooner there goes lavaca it is given take we all need to participate in it. Why should I create dirt? intentionally thinking I'm married? I've got a wife she's doing? What attitude? Is that? Is that how you treat women? They must pick up after you. Is that why they were created? Not at all. They were created as partners they were created with a purpose. Yes, they have in them naturally.
A dutifulness they have in them the dedication perhaps a little bit more than men and the love of service
Subhana Allah that doesn't mean you take that for granted or it doesn't mean that you exploit that and you say listen you know what get up in the morning your bed is not made nothing happens you go into the bathroom. It's as dirty as ever people feel when you come out of the bathroom. Hey all over the show everything everywhere. And you expect no is America fine. Okay. You are supposed to be particular it's your miss your dirt. You love your women. You want to follow the sooner clean up after yourself. pick things up make your bidding that's the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam go out and help go and get some milk go and do the shopping sometimes go and run the errands
sometimes pick up the kids sometimes you help with everything. The Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he used to go out to the goats he used to actually help with the milking of the goats.
This was Allah subhanho wa Taala his gift to us an example to emulate and to follow such that when you follow it, you get a reward of an act of worship.
So when I go home and I say you know what, don't worry today, I will do the cooking.
Well, the reason why my wife doesn't allow that to happen is because the last time I tried it, the food was burnt. No one ate anything. We still had to get takeaways.
Allah forgive us.
But at the same time, it's the trial. It's something that it means a lot. You go you give a hand sometimes
We talk so much, we have so much negative things to say, the women will tell us you know what is better you just leave for a while I'll come with the food, it's okay. Because you enter the kitchen and you pick on everything. May Allah forgive us.
So let's dedicate some time following the tsunami of Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam in this regard, let's understand that the sooner is a broad term, the life of Muhammad Sallallahu sallam. Yes, as much as we need to look like good Muslims, we also need to behave like good Muslims.
We need to behave like good Muslims. When we see a woman, we do not look at her, as the globe today has taught us to look at her as a sex object, anything happening. That's a woman, she needs to be naked according to the world in order to declare her freedom, the minute you covering you cannot be liberated. Whereas in Islam, the other The opposite is taught you cover yourself correctly, you will not be judged by a man based on how sexy you are stavola generally, May Allah forgive us, but generally the globe is moving in that direction, whereby any little thing is sexualized. And they say, we've liberated the woman, voila, ie they have enslaved her in a way that she's looking forward
to the trip. In some cases.
Allah forgive us. So my brothers and sisters, let's understand this beauty of Islam, the goodness of this faith, it's Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam chosen to bring it to us not only by instruction, but by example, he did it, we have to follow it, address them correctly.
This is why the Hadees speaks of paradise. If you have two daughters look after them. Until they grow older. Give them a good upbringing, and try your best to get them married to good spouses help them get married to good spouses without delay. And the thesis for you is paradise. Do you know why?
When you have a son
Subhanallah he's yours.
He'll be married perhaps have children who will be your name.
When you have daughters, it's just an Amana entrusted to you for a short period of time, after which they will be under the authority of someone who will have more authority than you over the same Daughter of yours. To do that is not easy. This is why one of the most difficult things to tell parents stop interfering in the lives of your marriage children in a negative way. And they tell you but that's my daughter, okay, okay. You don't decide what she's going to have for breakfast, let her husband do that. Let them let them discuss it mutually. You don't remote control the home from where you are. People find it difficult, especially when they've had the only daughter or two daughters so
on. And the Hadith continues to say even more three daughters, four daughters.
The more daughters you have, the more the chances of you entering gentlemen through the green route Subhana Allah the green route, meaning you sail straight through Why? Because you looked after you nurtured you spent on you, you actually gave a beautiful upbringing to whom,
to someone whom you knew is going to be married to another person, you were just preparing them for someone else. That's your gender. That's why you get gender. And this is why in Islam to have a bride price whereby the father comes in say, Okay, I need so much money. I looked after the child uncle says, Hey, hang on, hang on. I drove to school a few times. I also need a little bit. I need 2000 friends, you know, that's how it is. And then the other one comes and says, Okay, you know what, I need three capital because one day I took it to play. You know, when we went the other time we went to some? Where was the place? How Bay? We took her along a few times. Come on, we don't sell
kids. We don't sell our daughters, not at all. You did it for the sake of Allah to earn your agenda. It's a last plan. The Maha has nothing to do with you. It's an amount given to your daughter
by the groom, the man who's marrying her.
This is why Islam says yes, you are allowed to give gifts, no harm, but don't make it a condition. People get married and don't make it difficult for people to get married. One of the ways of respecting a woman is to facilitate her marriage. Remember this? One of the ways of respecting a woman
is to facilitate and make easy her marriage. Don't make it difficult. She wants to marry who is the guy? Is he a decent person? A good Muslim. Let him get married. No, he doesn't have a degree. He doesn't have a job. He doesn't have a house. He doesn't have a car. What will my daughter do? My beloved father
You have disrespected your daughter so much that you prefer for her to marry a rich man perhaps who will oppress her who will treat her like a slave. She will never see a happy day she will be cursing you day in day out, rather than marrying a decent man who perhaps will build as time passes, if he is responsible, Allah will bless him and bestow upon him so much of goodness. Remember this.
Many of the older generation, take a look at them when they married.
In fact, let me word it differently. The same people who are making it a big deal about having a job and a car and a house and everything before you get married to my daughter when they married the mother of the same child. They had nothing. 20 years later, they afforded the first motor vehicle, which was also a Datsun 120. Why, if you recall.
And here's the big deal. You had nothing My beloved dad the day you got married to Mom, you had nothing for 20 years you had zero. You couldn't even send me to a private school perhaps now that you've seen the wealth, it came 2030 years later, you making it so difficult for me to get married to someone I want just because he has a little bit more wealth than you had when you married mom.
But we don't use the logic, disrespect the woman oppressor because I'm the father. I can say what I want I can do what I want is that the sooner when the Prophet peace be upon him says and this is a Sierra and the sooner He not only said it, he even acted upon it.
Either attackmen una de novo Luca who has a widow, someone has proposed you are satisfied with their level of deal and a flat character conduct getting married, let it happen. Your daughter's happy. They are happy, the person is decent. Let it happen.
Did he say no take a look at the collection face no problem, the noise.
That's what people are doing today. You could have done better my daughter in law when the man is such a brilliant man, you carry your daughter and walk with her on us on his shoulders, something you've never done to the mother of the same time.
The only time we probably did it is when the mom said you need to carry your burdens.
Brothers and sisters, it's about time we understood respect of a woman to fulfill her rights to honor her
is not based on our whims and fancies. It's based on what Allah and His Messenger have declared, belongs to her.
When it comes to inheritance, how many of us cheat? The girls were cheating. And the prophets of Salaam warns us to say it is our duty to take care of those women who are closest related to us as males. We don't do that.
Yesterday, someone asked me a question, saying, Well, what if
we want to give a bigger share to the women
based on the fact that
the men around them do not look after them.
So I said you know the instruction of Allah cannot be changed. If people are sinful. It does not mean we must change the law of Allah
to the point, so we need to work on something else. We need to work on encouraging the people to adopt the law of Allah subhanho wa Taala rather than change the law of Allah subhanho wa Taala because we cannot do that. Yes, we know the concerns of this parent, and therefore perhaps the parent might want to set the child up during their life. It's possible, but you cannot tamper with the laws of inheritance. They are perhaps the only laws that are in the Quran in such great detail.
We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to help us adopt the laws of Allah subhanho wa Taala. So my brothers and sisters, here it is. Some of us deprive those women under our authority from education, claiming that we are Muslim.
And you're not allowed it's over.
Are you just being miserly because you're gonna have to pay a fee or something? stavola Well forgive us.
Education within the limits of Islam is definitely something great when I say within the limits. I mean, we don't compromise our dress code. We don't compromise. For example, where you are going if you have the ideal place where they will be studying in such an environment that they don't need to compromise their Deen. What objection do you have?
How can you say no, just because you're a male.
Give them the opportunity. Let them Excel. Let them serve the oma as well.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala guide us
And gaida womenfolk. And may Allah subhanho wa Taala open our doors and make us people who are tolerant and understanding. Brothers and sisters much is being done in the name of Islam, to oppress women get Islam is free from it.
And sometimes the other side of the coin
much is being done to enslave a woman once again in the name of freedom, calling ourselves Muslim. That's the other side of the coin.
This is why when Islam has given a status to a woman, if you were to drop it, you are wrong, you are oppressive. And if you were to go higher and above what Allah has presented, by breaking the rules, claiming that we are freeing a woman, then to you would be leaving a part of your Islam and you will be turning away from Allah subhanho wa Taala. It's a position, we don't move it up, we don't move it down. It's exactly where it is. We need to keep on learning how we fit in. And what is our duty in that regard.
Your sisters, for example, as you grow older, what is your relationship with them, you will have to relate to the men that they are married to, because this woman is your man.
She is closely related to you. You need to have a link with this man known as your brother in law, even if it is a minimum. He needs to know that the sister of yours has liars who will protect her if you are about to plan or do anything bad. We are there. One of the reasons why men oppress their wives one of the reasons is, they see them sometimes as so vulnerable. Your father doesn't care for you, your brothers are so far they want you they don't even bother about you. So here I am, I can do what I want. Where are you going to go. But when you show the link the bond, you greet the man with a smile, but he sees in your eyes, you are serious mess with my sister and see what happens.
That's the way it should be. I don't mean when punching. But what I mean is the message should be loud and clear. She has loving siblings, just like you do.
Don't have pressure.
How many of us have sisters who are struggling and suffering and we've said nothing about it. And if we get involved, we get involved like hooligans, sometimes straight punch the person have no listen to the story. Try and make amends. She might be wrong as well listen to both sides. It doesn't mean because today we are speaking about women that they always right? No, but you have to learn them in ear, you have to listen very carefully. You have to know their nature, sometimes with a woman give her her piece. When she's fuming and furious. Let her say her piece don't respond. Perhaps the next day, you might want to say something a week later, you might want to add a statement. Sometimes if
you were to edit the same day, you might end up in the hospital.
You need to know the nature of the people you're dealing with Subhana Allah and you need to understand, Allah has definitely created us differently. There's no doubt about that.
That doesn't mean we're not equal. In terms of spirituality, closeness to Allah subhanho wa Taala. Allah has created us equal in so many ways. And he's also created us differently in so many ways. In some ways, the women are far, far superior to men. And in some ways the men are superior. And in most ways, we totally equal I give you an example of childbirth, you know the reward the woman gets, she can earn paradise through bearing children.
any opportunity, any one of the main hairs of that no, why because Allah did not choose me for that chapter is closed
Subhana Allah, so they have a status, they go through the menstrual cycle, for example. And for them just bearing with it is already a means of expiation of sins that they may have committed, and a means of closeness to Allah because it grants them or gives them the opportunity of summer when they've had absolutely no role to play in that it was Allah. So aren't they different? But does that make him bad? Not at all. The problem is, we tend to look at the opposite sex and think no ways. That's it, we are better. We are more superior superiority, in what sense? If you fulfill your role, if you fulfill the obligations, Ally's placed on your shoulders, yes, perhaps you may be able to say
that, yes, I am taking care of my sister. I am trying to protect my mother, my daughters, my aunts and so on. I'm protecting the muslimah at large humanity. I'm ensuring that these people are not being abused. Some handle law. Then you can say Alhamdulillah Allah has blessed me.
But we are the abusers ourselves. We are the ones who look at me
As a sex object for law has become the norm today.
someone crying for help if she's got heels as high as this, and if she for example is walking with a tight jeans, you will borrow 100 grands to give her because you want to impress that's all. And you have an old lady who's you know, hunchback and she's begging even the $100 you have which you're about to blow and waste on something else. You won't give her 10 of her 10 of that. Because why the world is sexualized. That's it.
This is a reality. What I've said we'll see because it's the truth.
Allah forgive us. We've become people who've been sucked into this not understanding the sooner of Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam when he helped look at the Hadith, following the Sierra of Mohammed Salah Salaam, where it is spoken about him assisting an elderly lady with her goods, an old lady, what happened? She was old, not a young girl.
And that doesn't mean we shouldn't be helping those who are young, but it is only trying to perhaps refine the way we look at things, the way we look at the opposite sex.
May Allah help us and guide us your paradise may be a deem that you engaged in
the way you assisted an elderly lady to cross the road.
It might just be your paradise. Perhaps Allah looked at that deed and said, You know what, I love this deed so much. It was done only and solely for me when the person only did it for me because there was nothing they were going to gain. Besides my pleasure. They looked at the fellow human and they said, you know this, this old lady, she's hunchbacked and she's struggling to cross the road. Let me help her. Let me assist her solely for the sake of Allah and Allah says for you is paradise Allahu Akbar.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us all my brothers and sisters.
Really, we have a lot. We have a lot to learn from the Sierra and the Sunnah of Muhammad SAW Salam. When it comes to women, I've only touched a few little points.
A few little points. But I hope I've encouraged us all myself included, to teach our women folk a little bit better, to speak to them with utmost respect, to be able to choose beautiful words when we speak to them to understand they are not machines, they are not the only ones who are supposed to be doing all the work, you need to help. Yes, some of them will not allow you to help because perhaps they want you to enjoy your life in a different way. You're lucky you're fortunate, Mashallah you owe them you owe them a lot, Subhana Allah, but many of us, many of us have so much room for improvement. In fact, all of us have room for improvement. And as I end I want to remind
the sisters as well. And we always need to use this and we always need to strike the balance my beloved sisters, let this not be a little green light for you to do everything that's wrong. And you say but I'm a girl. I'm a woman Didn't you hear the Prophet peace be upon him says you must treat us properly, properly doesn't mean you can get away with murder. When you do something wrong, accept and acknowledge people will speak to you they will tell you we've just encouraged the menfolk to speak to you with respect. But we encourage you as well to speak to the menfolk with utmost respect and inshallah fulfill their rights. Perhaps On another occasion, we will be speaking about how
important men are May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us an understanding and I hope we will also be able to improve on all other fronts, we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to make us dedicated muslimeen also Allahu wa salam o Baraka Allah, Amina Muhammad