Islamic Manners #03
Date:
Channel: Hussain Kamani
Series: Hussain Kamani - Islamic Manners
File Size: 49.65MB
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AI Generated Summary ©
The speakers discuss the importance of good manners in marriage, including finding one's own acknowledgment and learning to develop character. They also recommend reading books on certain topics to help develop one's personal growth. The success of one's own businesses and the importance of being a good person in a social context are also highlighted.AI Generated Transcript ©
Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim hamdulillah hamdulillah he woke up I was Ravana evangelia Dino Safa Susana cG delusory ohata Milam, Dr. Nicholas kiya was having
a mother.
Today inshallah we start with the preface of shareholder Fattah Avada mo Allah tala that he writes right at the beginning of his Islamic manners.
Sinhala hamdulillah salat wa salam ala rasulillah on early wasabia Jemaine on Sunday, Mo La La Rahim
made the best of praise and glory beats will last panel with Allah, the Lord of the Universe, made the choices made the choices of peace and salutations beyond his messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his family and his pious followers will follow His guidance and ethic etiquette. Allah guide us to follow them in words and actions until we die. This is a brief booklet concerning the manners of Islam, in which I have gathered selected texts on the subject that I need cited in this booklet, are either saw here authentic, or hasn't sound meaning all the Hadith are reliable. The reason for me compiling this booklet is that I have seen many of my beloved brothers and sisters
disregarding these etiquettes, and misinterpreting them. In doing so, I hope to remind them of these manners, I do not claim to be superior or less in need of practicing these manners. But I do so because of the duty of enjoining good and forbidding evil and in observance of the order of Allah subhana wa tada and remind because a reminder is beneficial to the believers. May Allah subhanaw taala enable us all to benefit from the good from good reminders. And may He make this a benefit to me as well as the reader. May Allah Subhana Allah protect and guide us in this light in the hereafter.
So this is a brief introduction by shirehampton Fatah.
He mentioned that
as he observes the world around him, he sees that people are lacking in manners. We have over a billion people who claim La ilaha illAllah Muhammad Rasul Allah.
But unfortunately for so many of us, that statement only represents our belief, it doesn't represent our actions.
It's what we believe in, but who we are as human beings, does not coincide with what we say we believe in. our beliefs stand in contrast to our actions.
In Islam, we are taught to do everything with ehsaan with perfection that anything we do do it right. Don't have bacon. If you're going to study at school, do it right. If you're going to play sports, give it your best. If you're going to write a paper, do a good job, select a good font and make sure your grammar is right. When you're studying the dean, give it everything you have, when you're listening to a lecture don't have to listen to it. Because then it will only have impact you given everything given your ears, give it to your heart, there is a difference between the hearing of the ears and the seeing of the eyes. And then what the heart hears and what the heart sees when a
person actually allows that to happen. Allah subhanho wa Taala says, last time I saw what I can tell kulula t foo. That's not the eyes of the human being that goes blind in reality. First, the first thing that goes blind is the heart of the human being. Most people can't see clearly with their heart, spiritually. They are at a place where nothing makes any sense. There's everything's just very blurred. Nothing is clear to them. In our Deen, we are told that when you do something, do it with a Hassan give it your best.
Earlier today, one of my sons was trying to memorize his Quran lesson for tomorrow. And it was a passage that he was struggling a lot with. And I kept reminding him that I didn't care so much about the end result how many lines he memorized. But what didn't matter to me was the 90 minutes he has allocated for memorizing the Quran. He did his best during those 90 minutes, that he sat there like a champion, straight with good form, that he read loud that he wasn't sad. I believe that was done with that that's what excellence the results are in the hands of Allah subhanho wa Taala we have no control over them as it is. When a person conducts themselves with ehsaan while worshipping Allah.
We call this taqwa
that this person is conscious of Allah subhana wa
With data that's where they're doing it in their best possible way. They're giving it everything they have. When a person conducts themselves with the sun while interacting with other human beings, we call this the end customer.
This is now a person who has good manners and someone who understands proper etiquette.
One of the great scholars from the subcontinent moved to my hotel hasn't gone go here hola Tada. While defining good manners, he said, to interact with the Maha Luke in such a way that both the hardest and most Luke are pleased
to interact with other people in such a way the creation mahalo means the creation, to interact with the creation in such a way that both the holiday And mahalo are pleased. Not only is the creation please but so is the creator. And this is fascinating, because sometimes someone may greet you with a big smile on their face. But in their heart, they carry jealousy, hatred, animosity, you might be able to hide that from the person in front of you, but you can't hide it from alonza when you're not pleasing the loss.
Similarly, sometimes you might do something to please another person, you're making them happy, they wanted you to do something, you're doing it the way they asked you to do it. But what you're doing is in violation to what Allah subhanahu wa tada has commanded you to do. Therefore, this is not good manners in Islam. This is not proper etiquette. When it comes to interaction with other human beings. One hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam must never be forgotten.
In it the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says la autoglym of Luton, female sia to follow
lithotomy Lima caloocan Fie Moussa dhikala. There is no such thing in being kind or obedient to the creation of Allah, if it comes at the cost of disobeying your Creator.
Even if it means your own mother, your own father, if they tell you to obey Allah subhanho wa Taala there is no obedience to them, your own teacher, because your loyalty to Allah subhanho wa Taala comes first. That's why in Islam when we try to understand what is appropriate in terms of manners, and what's a good way for a human being to conduct themselves socially and then on top of that, a Muslim to conduct themselves when they're interacting with other people. The first consideration we have is, what does revelation guide us in this regard?
What did our pseudo Allah sallallahu alayhi wasallam teach us here?
If I'm trying to figure out what the proper etiquette is for dress, before I go to my social observation and go to my peers and ask them what they would view to be appropriate or before I observe in society and try to figure out what I think society deems to be appropriate. I need to start off by asking, What does Islam need of me first and this is why the AMA when they try to understand Islamic manners and Islamic etiquettes they always started with the Quran. And the Quran is very loud and clear when it comes to etiquette and manners. Open up Souter hardrada and that's all it is. Not to condemn obey the law he will surely Latifah swatter can focus on Navy lawyers
SATCOM info manassa and Yakumo Hydra minimum, right all these Ayat of the Quran they teach us how to interact with other people. The one idea that I recited lateral firewall, a SWOT on focus, Odin nebby, such a beautiful book. It tells us that when you are in the presence of Rasulullah, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, don't even raise your voice.
Today, if you go to the grave of Rasulullah, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Allah subhanho wa Taala allow us to all to return soon. When you stand in front of the Maharaja how to right in front of the road, all the prophets of Allah while he was sitting facing his grave, if the deadline is towards your back and your faces towards the grave, and he said allow it was sent him, and you stand directly in line with his big golden ring, which which marks were the prophets of Allah who it was sometimes faces because the prophet SAW said on lies on his right shoulder facing the Qibla. So when you stand right there you are right in front of the face of us with the loss of the lies. And if you
look up in Golden, beautiful words, with a green background, there is an idea engraved there,
as well swatter can focus on
a reminder to everyone that comes to this place that when you stand in front of the Messenger of Allah, lower your voice, Don't raise your voice in front of the Prophet of Allah. He is superior to you, he is greater than you, you will have other for him. Otherwise, what will happen you'll lose your reward as a hobby Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when he heard
this idea, he was the katiba, the unsought. He was someone that gave lectures and he had a very powerful
Loud growling voice
he stopped attending the practice of the law while he was settings gathering. Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam asked the Sahaba Where's phenomenon. They sent a messenger of Allah. He heard you he heard you reciting the idea that do not raise your voice above the voice of the Prophet. And he says that he is a man with a loud voice. So now he's afraid of even coming to your gatherings because it says that swatter. confocal solten nebby. Right. And then what's after that?
And talk about Amal Kumar.
At the end of the day, because if you continue and if you don't take heed in this, you will lose your good deeds. And this is interesting because what you learn is sometimes bad other and bad manners can result in you losing your reward.
That's why I'm Persian, they say, but other bonuses. Right? that a person who has good manners is someone who will accomplish a lot in life.
Right? you'll accomplish so much, but one moment of disrespect. One moment of stepping out of line and intentionally disrespecting Allah, His Messenger, the dean before on the Kaaba Medina, the shine and symbols of Islam, making mockery of those that are around you, other Muslims and human beings, this will unfortunately end up costing you a lot. And that's why we ask Allah subhanahu wa taala to protect us from this, that we have good manners, and we have good characters that you know, people always say, but weren't the companions really chilled and relaxed around to be said a lot while he was sent him. Absolutely, I don't think anyone's denying you can be chilled and relaxed and still
have good manners.
Being chilled and relaxed doesn't mean that you have to disrespect someone be disrespectful to them. Unfortunately, that's what young people think today. And that's, you know, you have a husband or wife coming in a few months later saying my husband or my wife just doesn't respect me. And it has little to do with, you know, being chilled and much more to do with just not having basic courtesy. You know, you wake up in the morning, you change out of your pajamas, you were respectful clothes as you walk around the home. That's, that's nothing big to ask for. You know that after you're done eating, you put your dishes away. There's nothing big there to ask that you make sure that after you
get out of your bed, you fix your bed. But these are things that adults are no longer understanding that this is something that needs to be done. That job and matters matter so much. You asked that did the companions have etiquette when interacting with the sort of loss of a loved one he was saying, Go and look and you'll see. You know those narrations that you find that people refer to the prophets of Allah while he was sitting by his name and said yeah, Muhammad when calling out to him, most of the times those were Bedouins, the Sahaba who grew up and lived with Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam for 1015 years. They did not do this and look acidic or the Allah one didn't go around
saying, Yeah, Muhammad, he knew better. He was someone who had therapy for a long while he was sitting, he referred to the prophet of a loss, yada yada yada sutala this is how they refer to the Prophet a long line he said, the Sahaba they say that when we would sit to eat with Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said he was halifa Viola one, no one would touch the food until the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam ate first we would wait for him the Sahaba they say that we would wait to form our support and prayer until the so the lesson along while he was sitting right when he arrived then we stood up to form our sifu You know, that's the hammer they say that when it was
prayer time as a hobby would go and knock on the door but Allah The Allah one generally and knock on the door maybe said Allah who it was cinnamon wait for the Prophet said a lot he sent him and then he would walk the Prophet Allahu Allah he was sent him to the masjid. This was his other. And this was the other they also had with the wives and have you sit alone while he was sitting with his daughters and with his, with his, with his with his son in law, I needed your loved one and the close companions. people understood that Iza and makara other man Adam, it was what was what was a part of the day. People think that having good manners and being courteous to others is somehow
destroying your own street cred. That's not what this is. When you show someone that you have the other, your value in their eyes increases instantly.
I kid you not when I meet someone and they say set up with Adam and this is not because I demand any other because I'm an imam of this machine. Nothing like that just as a human being. Just as a human being if I came to someone and they greeted me with other than I greeted them, but our value would increase in each other's eyes. I can tell right away when I meet someone if their parents or teachers emphasized other than that person's life. And there are other cases right off the bat you can tell this person, no parent or teacher really emphasize strict adab in their life. This is something that you don't generally read in books. It's taught to you there's
So much emphasis that parents placed on education that we want our child to be a doctor, we want them to be an engineer, we want them to do this, that and the other, that they push them towards their career so much that at times they forget to teach them to be human beings. And you have young men who say that they don't know how to iron their clothes. And they're in college. And you have these 20 year old men who walk around, I'm picking on the guys, that applies to women, too, okay. But I'll pick on the guys, because they're sitting closer to me. And then you have guys who say that, I don't know how to make eggs. I don't know how to make tea. They're just infants. That's what
they are. They're babies. These are babies that are weighing wearing xx pants, XXL pants, otherwise, they haven't grown a day in their life. This unfortunately, as I said, in the last class, had left him with the Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam said, the greatest gift a father can give to his child is to teach his child
could other
that's the greatest gift that a parent can give to their child, that they teach them good.
When you walk in, when you're sitting in a room, and an elderly person walks in, and you raise from your seat and move aside and give that seat to that elderly person. Do you think your value just decrease in that person's eyes? If anything, they'll respect you. They'll say, Where did this person come from? Who are you? Who taught you this? I was one sitting with a family and we were having a meal together.
And
this young man, he got up, he took a plate. He added food in there all the different types of food that were available for that meal. Then he gave that plate to his mother.
So I said Subhan Allah.
I said to the mother and the family at that moment that I thought, I think this is beautiful, like, you know, this young man, who when I say young, he's not 1314 is a married person. He understands that before he feeds himself, he should present food to his mother, look at this other this thing, something that you don't see in today's world. And she said to me, she has this isn't for me, she makes this food and give it back. She said this young man doesn't mix his own food. So whenever he eats, he takes his food out. He gives it to me, I have to mix the salad salad and travel together and then I give it back to him and then he eats it. And I thought to myself, Okay, back to the
drawing board. We almost got it. It's not common anymore.
These are things that must be learned. All right.
So chef Rashid, Chef Mufti, Mohammed Hassan Ganga, la Holly, while defining other he said, other is to deal with them a fluke in a way that both the highest and most fluke are placed.
You affect you impact both people's hearts, but you please both, you please both your hollett your Allah and you also please your Muslim. So for Muslims, we start off by looking at what the Quran and Sunnah have to say about a particular manner
by a particular issue. What is it? What does Islam have to say?
After we're done with that, it's also important that we take our social norms into consideration as well. If it's not, doesn't say something about a particular thing. It's a good idea to study your community, study your society, study how people do things, what's the appropriate best way for something to be done? The most respectful way to do that? How do you carry out this particular act with ehsaan?
Okay, the reason why this is important is because if you are dealing in the social realm with people, and for no reason at all, you constantly contradict what they're doing, they will always view you as an outsider. But when you take that into consideration, what's commonly practice, you take that into consideration, and then you conduct yourself, people will respect you and appreciate you so much more. Basic etiquettes like what are driving advocates? What are advocates of standing in the queue? What are the advocates of ordering coffee? And I know you guys might think I'm just being extra but I'm not everything has another? What is the etiquette of speaking to a waiter at a
restaurant? There's an other for that. How do you interact with the person who's driving you if you're sitting in an Uber or sitting in a in a cab, there's an other for that? You must learn these other because as you conquer these,
you now increase your own value. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, the most heavy thing in the scale on the day of judgment will be good character.
It'll be the most heavy thing and the skill of the Day of Judgment. There will be many lines of people are trying to enter into Jenna on the Day of Judgment. There'll be people lined up for Salah zeca song just trying to enter to gender through those doors.
But it feels like the line dedicated for good character will be empty.
Because the people in our society in our community who understand proper manners have begin to disappear. You don't see much of them any, you only hear about them or read about them. Right? And those people who do have good manners, unfortunately, they are very selective with who they choose to have good etiquette and manners with
people will ask me, sure, what are your thoughts about so and so person? my default response at this point is my opinion doesn't matter. Because people interact with me in a particular way. And I've come to accept that.
Okay, so if you want to ask me whether I have a good opinion of someone or not, then the truth is that and I'll be very honest, I don't know if I can kind of any people in my life right now that I have a better opinion of. That's a true statement, by the way. But I think that might just be my personal version of people and also the way people interact with me. Because sometimes what happens is those very same people, you hear from their sisters, their brothers, you hear from their spouses, you hear from their parents, you hear from their husband, their wife, and I know every story has two sides to it, I get that. Right. But they also say where there's smoke.
I'll say there, there may be fire, right? Where there's smoke, there may be fire, and people have a very different attitude when they're at home. One person in the masjid Mashallah, they're the one that opens up the door and they'll smile that you must make them laugh for me Mashallah. God while they're opening the door, opening the door. Two minutes later, their spouse comes and no one's opening up the door. No one's saying does Allah Masha Allah, Allah robotic Allah, all that's gone out the window. There are personality changes.
Good luck is to interact with the Hulk in a way that the both the holiday and Luke are happy with you. That's good luck. Right? This is the level that we want to be aiming for. So I was saying that you must take social norms into consideration when trying to understand what is the best way to do something, I understand this very well. And I know what I'm saying right now is tricky, trivial and could potentially even, you know, rile up some of you. But try to listen to what I'm saying.
It is natural for us to want to hold on firmly to the social norms and advocates that our parents brought with them from abroad.
So for me, I view good manners and etiquettes from a indo Pak lens, that's very normal. In for me anything or anyone that does anything, no matter how normalized it may be in my community, obviously, we're talking about things to put on and Heidi's have not spoken about. Because if the Quran and Hadith have spoken about something, then that's a done deal. I don't care whether it's Pakistan, India, Asia, Africa, I don't care where it is, the Quran has spoken, that's the end of that. I'm talking about things that the Quran has not spoken on. We are accustomed and we are very much keen to hold on to what we view to be proper manner back there. But you have to realize what's
viewed to be proper manners in Morocco, what's viewed to be proper manners, in in Sudan or in Somalia, may not be proper etiquette here, it may be considered as bad etiquette, right?
You have to be willing to take your own community into consideration. When you begin to do that the people around you see you as their own. Along the way, you will need to now stand up and say, This is a part of culture that I cannot accommodate into my life because I am a Muslim. I don't drink. I don't go to bars. I don't gamble. I don't look at inappropriate things. I don't lie. I don't cheat. I'm not an ethical, these are things that are also right. So when we talk about this is a good place for me to bring it to bring in another point that I wanted to discuss today. What are the five and benefits of good character?
There are many benefits of good character. But there are two or three that I wanted to focus on today.
One of the benefits of good character building and yourself good manners is that you then develop the ability to live your life to its human potential. You push the bar with yourself, right? So you may dress a particular way speak particular way right particular way, just carry yourself in a particular way. But if you choose to do everything you're already doing with that song, you've raised the bar for yourself. Does that make sense guys? And you're not living with so much more potential. You're now offering the world so much more yourself, your family, your beautifying the experience of life not only for yourself, but for the people around you. If you choose to live with
proper manners, which means
Not having random anger tantrums, which means for you to be respectful and kind and courteous, mindful of people. If you can do that you will increase the quality of life people around you. I had, I asked myself this question, years back maybe a decade ago, maybe even 15 years ago, before I got married, I remember asking myself this question, because, you know, as I was reaching the age of marriage, everyone's sort of asking, When are you getting married? When are you getting married? And I realized that as time passed, it was eminent that I want to get married. So now I begin to have a conversation with myself that what kind of person that I want to be and whether I was ready for
marriage or not. And one conversation I remember having distinctly with myself was
I hadn't spent I have spent many years of my life in madrasah and traveling, you know, in hajj just going around and a good portion of my life. I had a lot of roommates, people from all over the world. You know, just my experience. There were some roommates that every weekend, we'd have a full blown brawl, fist fight over something really dumb. And then there were some roommates that we had, that being with them was amazing. I had I had all of that, you know, I had roommates who used to take my things from the fridge without asking. And that would end in a fistfight on the weekend. Or I had roommates who used to raise stuff and add it to the fridge and they would contribute. And we
would all share together. And that was amazing.
And there were some roommates that I had when I studied and I traveled who had serious temper issues. If we had set an agreement that there will be no fudger alarms. Unless it's 30 minutes before, if comma and my alarm went off 40 minutes before your comma, he would throw a tantrum before the comma.
I had that experience too.
And then we had another experience where our roommate would wake up for us and wake us up for fudger and itself. So you had all these experiences. And I asked myself that tomorrow when I get married? What kind of a companion Will I be to the people around me? Will my mother will my father will my siblings Will my spouse will my children live in fear and terror of me because they're not sure how I'm going to interact with them? That dad's gonna lose it. Just an absolute fear.
The room is ready to leave their body and they're always on their toes. And it's as if they've already entered into their own jahannam punishment while they still live and breathe in this dunya. That couldn't be me. I could do that. By the way. All of us could we can all be that miserable human being who sucks the life out of
what do they call those? What do they call them? Harry Potter.
Demand tours, there you go.
I was going to be a demand tour, or
whether I was going to be like a sort of laws that allow you so
that every person that laid eyes on Him, they fell in love with him. Everyone that greeted him loved him. They loved sitting with him, they loved talking to him, he cared about them. He was considerate. He was kind, he was sharing. He was compassionate. He was there to offer his shoulder to anyone that wanted to cry, or anyone that wanted to smile. He was there to embrace them. Whether it was a child was Burgess died, or a wife, who was having marital issues or business partner who had just been cheated, they all knew that they can go to him because maybe he said a lot while he was sitting was always the most amazing person to interact with. And depending on which human being
I would choose to be. At that point in my life, I realized that was a quality of life that my children would have growing up. And I had to make a hard decision. And it wasn't easy. And I'll tell you anyone who knew me earlier on in my life, when I was an early teenager, there were a lot of kinks. And there are still many more that remain in our personality. We're all on a journey of growth, and we're trying to work towards being better human beings. But improving yourself requires work. The benefit of it is that you end up living your full potential. So much comes out of it. It's so amazing. Right? every interaction becomes a meaningful interaction.
And that's the second thing that I wanted to say. The second great benefit of having good manners and good a flop is that it becomes a great opportunity of doubt.
A great invitation to Islam. And I'm not talking about just non Muslims. I'm talking about Muslims to your own children will trust you more if they see you have good manners. If you tell them to do something really tough, really hard even if you punish them. But they've seen you be an amazing human being and they trust you. They won't rebel against you. They'll understand that this is what's best for
us. Hi
He came to an abusive along line he was set up. So anyway, he said a messenger of Allah I committed Zinner,
Nabi sallallahu, alayhi wa sallam told him to leave to go away, dismissed.
He could have walked away. But he knew that an abuser alone while he was sent him had prescribed from the Quran, a punishment for zinna. And he had committed that, that act and now it was his time to be punished. So he came back a second time, he said, the hidden Eon sort of
purified
his perspective of what hoodoo than corporal punishment and what you know, this act of his necessitated was so different from the way the world views food, because he saw the one carrying out these food and it was Ramadan anatomy. It was a prophet of Allah, Who gave this verdict who would give the verdict. Nobody said Allah why he was sitting dismissed him a second time ago. He came back again. He said, Byron, he
maybe saw some dismissed and we can go and he came back a fourth time, but he didn't he.
And then he said a long while he was sent I asked him some questions from which it was confirmed that he commit Zina. Maybe it's all said and then told the companions take them out. And while they were punishing him, he tried to run.
Because when the punishment started, he felt that fear in his body began to run. Someone loved him and knocked him over.
Maybe you said a long while he was sitting later on when he found out he said, You should have let him run. Why did you stop?
And then he said, this is st wire, all of this. And then the province that Allahu it was sent him said, That man, Maya has been Mallika Aslam. That's his name. He said, Luis also said that Maya is had repented to Allah subhanho wa Taala with such sincerity that had his job and distributed among the people of Medina, Allah would have forgiven everyone. Why did you stop him? Let him go.
Right.
Their perspective changed, because of the love and the way the interactions were with a sort of loss of money. So there's another very famous divider, which can be found in the authentic collections of how do you
have a companion by the name of samama for mama and hanafy.
He was from Burnham hanifa. For those of you that are familiar, this is where later on mustela make the False Prophet arise from and this is where he claimed his profit.
So maybe Salaam Salaam has sent a, a group of companions, and there was a small skirmish back and forth. This thermometer was captured and brought to Madina. munawwara
he was tied to one of the pillars of the nominal what I didn't have a prison. Never use a lot is tell people just time to The prison time to the pillar, when he was tied to the pillar Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to him, man because admiring the chaos human mind
that what's going on to my my tongue what's in your heart? So he said if you wish to kill me that's an option if you set me free that would be amazing. If you want money let me know if you're interested in women let me know I can take care of all of it.
Nobody's awesome. He just walked away didn't even dignify him with the response just walked away
he came back the next day said mine Dhaka mama What's going on? What's going on?
So then he
he says something similar again. There is also a marked with 30 he came he said, mind that I have a mama what's going on.
So the mama said,
If you choose to forgive me, that would be very kind of
a sort of loss of a lot is until the companions released.
They released him. He went out, washed up a little came back to the machine and sat in front of the beast a lot is that I'm sure the word La la la, la Chateau Mohamad. In other words,
he could have gone he was set free.
He could have accepted Islam while he was tied.
But he didn't want anyone to say that this man accepted Islam because he was being tortured or punished. He wanted to be set free and make that decision as a free man. What motivated him to make this decision? He was tied in the mesh of going to be set a lot he sent him and he saw how Muslims interacted with one another. He saw it and this is the second thing right? That you're a good man. You're good etiquette is a Dawa.
It's an opportunity to invite someone to Islam. My mother or him Allah I asked her once I said to her mama, why did you accept Islam?
You are not Muslim, your life and your everything was going great. She was somewhat a religious person she had memorize religious texts off by heart. And then one day she became Muslim. I asked her why. She said there were two things.
One thing I won't discuss because we're limited on time, but it's an incident that happened in the Cairo airport. Her connecting flight on the way to America stopped in Cairo. Something happened there.
The second thing was when she came to America when she landed here. She met some Muslims. And they were very kind, loving, hospitable. And she said to me, Hussein, Allah is my witness the day I accepted his thumb on the way to the masjid as I was driving to the masjid cuz she accepted Islam in Chicago, she said on the way to the masjid, while I was driving to the mission to accept Islam. The lady act next to me that was sitting in the back of the car, she asked me the same question, why are you becoming Muslim. And I said to that lady, that these Muslims have such good character. I hope that one day my children grew up to be like this. That's why I'm going to do it.
I'm indebted for my life to those people who showed good character to my mother.
They don't realize it.
But they saved at least 1% from the firewall,
someone's character, someone's kindness, as why this man right here would have been sitting in front of an idol. Like the rest of my cousins and my aunts. Were here today why someone had a good character. Someone shows some courtesy, someone had a good heart. And those were people who changed us. I can only imagine what kind of love the Sahaba must have had for Rasulullah sallallahu.
For his character inspired.
Don't be that person who is kind to some people and then is mean and aggressive and has no manners with others. That one's almost the worst.
Because you learn that person has the ability to be kind, but they're selective with who is deserving of their kindness. Y'all understand that? That's kind of like the worst one. You know, someone's just all around me, and you chalk it up to this person's a nerd, or this person is weird. And then if someone's nice sometimes and mean the other times, that's the one that hurts and that's why many mothers cry, they say that it's not that my daughter or son doesn't have the ability to be kind, I see them being kind. It's just that they're not kind to me.
And that ends up hurting so much more.
Abdullah robotic Allah Allah.
He said that the most important
asset the human being possesses is there EMA.
In order to protect the Iman, Allah subhanho wa Taala created a security ring around it, which we call the Fatah defense line.
Then in order to make sure the fries are protected, we have another defense line which is what we call the sun this and then in front of the sun and to make sure they are protected and they don't fall there's another defensive line, which we call the warfare was the habit.
And then in front of that there's another defensive line, which we call a Dobbin Higher, higher and then other
once other leaves society and higher leave society. Then the next thing that goes is people become loose and lazy on their and alafaya. When they get lazy on their know often next in line there's so none are going to fall. When they're soon on fall. They become lazy and they're fried once their fall and fall over. This person's an open target like a deer in an open field surrounded by multiple nests lying in the trees with Archer sitting there waiting to just fire shaitan can rob you of your emaan any moment.
Each of these serve a very important role to protect your email and that's why it's so important.
My Mother Kali Rama
when he wanted to study the deen
he actually had different plans for life. He was a young kid he had different plans with what he wanted to do. His mom insisted that he studied the dean. So one day she took him home and tied a turban on his head. It must have been a very beautiful scene to see a small Imam, young Imam Junior Imam Malik wearing a turban on his head.
Then his mother took him by the head to the local Masjid aka much of the neverwet. She took them to the local mosque. And in the Navy, there was a shift giving us there. And that shift was an IVR as well. Like it was a really cool scene. And she said to a medic, go sit in front of robbia at her words, the next words are valuable. They're worth their weight in gold. She said
learn from his other before you learn from as I just said don't pay attention to the knowledge he shares. Look at his manners. Look how he sits. Look how he talks. Look how I look how he gives attention to people. Pay attention to that because if you are a scholar
Without good manners, you will end up causing a lot of corruption and oppression and well being bring pain and misery to the people around you. But if you have good manners even if you don't learn anything, you will be a phenomenal human being an amazing experience, your interactions will touch me
This is why the gradients to shift your money and I'm allowed without I once said that if I had one daughter left and only two men were alive in this role to marry my daughter to one was a scholar with bad etiquettes and the other was a GI Hill, a average person who had no Islamic knowledge but with phenomenal manners, I would marry my daughter to the second one without any hesitation. Because if I married her to the person with bad manners, he would oppress my daughter and justify it through his corrupt knowledge. This person would be kind to my daughter be a good companion and that's what you're supposed to look for in a spouse and their lack of knowledge would keep them humble.
I would marry my daughter to this person without thinking twice good manners difference.
How does a person develop good character?
So there are two things that are a mother right? They say that the path to good character, either it's Wahhabi or Kasai
Wahhabi means that it is divinely given some people in their either in their natural disposition their fits all they are just good, humble kind people.
It's in their nature to be kind.
Do you guys understand?
This is why we make this law. Oh Allah Nabi sallallahu Sallam when he was standing in front of a mirror. One of the laws that we are taught to say is Allahumma coma center healthy huson following our law just as you made my external physical, beautiful, make my internal beautiful too. Right.
So we are and there are so many laws and recent laws regarding Allah bless us with good character by Carnegie Mellon.
What a sort of loss of a lot of sentiment pray to Allah to purify his heart of ostentation, showing off, purifying the heart.
Some people they are blessed with this just natural.
A proof of this you can find in the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
There was a man who came to visit the Prophet said a lot is said
his name was they called him it wasn't his name, but they called him a shed job to face.
His name was
we covered his narration and mascots if you remember.
And
whenever you said a lot while he was selling met him, he said to him, in a fee color hustler theme, you hit boom Allah
that you have two traits in you that
are beloved and dear to Allah. So in the fickle hustler thing, you have two traits in you that are beloved to Allah. And then over the two traits and Halo one or not, help means
forbearance. Patience is when somebody is when a person doesn't have the ability to do something and then they're patient. Him is when you have the ability to do something and still you don't do something forbearance right? If someone is stronger than him, he punches me I have to do something. If a weaker person proves to me I can punch them back home is for me not to do it. It allows me that is Helene because he is fully capable of holding every human being accountable and punishing anyone that disobeyed him, yet he has helped. So let me set a lot because this person was a leader of his tribe. So the process that I'm set in the female has that inhibit them Allah Oh, hell no. And the
second was not what is anatomy.
In its opposite of agita,
anatomy, Allah will agitate administrator.
And that is
to be calm and easy and slow. Do not rush into things in our language. We call it his thuggy to be slow and calm, composed, and you don't rush into something all the time someone instigate, you're like, well, there's a new form that you're already buying.
Or there's a new microwave, oh, I want that technology. I want my food cook with some blue lights surrounding it. Right. Every time someone throws something at you jump out right away. That's not good.
And Hemingway and I and our twins and anatomy, Allah become easy compose. You don't make decisions overnight. When you make a decision, take a few days take a few weeks, there's nothing wrong with that take a few months to good thing. The longer you take to make the decision, the more Buttercup it will be. That's my policy. Sometimes there are some decisions you make in eight years.
The day I went to visit my wife
with the intention of marrying her, I said to her in her living room, in her parents living room, I plan to move to Dallas. It will take time for this to happen. But that's my plan. I'll stay in Chicago for you that I'm going to move to Dallas. It took me eight years to make that happen. And I think there's been times that you don't do things quick. You Give It Thought the planet, you see what opportunity is present. If it's right, you move forward, if it's not right, you pull back, you don't just rush into things.
So then this exchange as Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said, a messenger of Allah, are these traits are result of my own doing, or are they from Allah, and the Prophet of Allah when he was sent him said that they are from Allah.
From there, we learn that some helot and adapt Are ye. Sometimes the characters and manners that you have are a gift from Allah subhanaw taala, there are some people who are just calm people,
they will turn on, someone's really cold and easygoing, they almost can't get angry, or they don't like the gossip culture. You guys understand what I'm saying? You know, there are some people that they thrive off of, you know, being exclusive and being the heart of every party and being the center of every conversation. And there are other people who just don't desire that. They like keeping it chill, they like keeping it easy. You know, they don't, their voice probably isn't even heard in a whole conversation. They like to just be the wallpaper. That's how they like life. This is the type of person that Allah subhanahu wa tada loves as well. And living in a bubble. And
as a result of loss of a loved one. He said that there are some people, they are so silent and quiet and they're not interested in the spotlight. Allah loves him so much. And he described them and let
them use that they are such that when they go missing in a gathering, no one even looks for them. No one even asks about them, but they are beloved to Allah.
Fear Fear is a word to be civilized and mostly used to refer to the meaning Yeah, huffy, there are hidden.
The second type, the second method of developing good character is what we call casa. Casa de means this is
how do you develop this?
The first thing I would say is if you want to develop the character in yourself, you have to come to terms with acknowledging whether there is even a need for that in your life or not. Because many of us are happy with status quo, my life's working, and I'm not changing anything. People don't say anything to me.
Unfortunately, we are in a society where the blind are being led by the blind, the coaches are blind, the players are blind. So in that case, what's happening, there's no one to give you real feedback. You want good feedback on whether you can improve or not go to people who have other people who have proper mannerisms and ask them that I would like for you to help me and coach me and guide me to where I can improve. They will then tell you that this needs to be worked on that needs to be worked on. I spent many years of my life just being with teachers, being with scholars, and May Allah reward them for their honesty. One time, my mentor and teacher she's in love with that.
He needed some small work done at home, some home improvement stuff. So he said to the students, if anyone is interested in coming over and helping out, let us know.
So a few of us, we were all foreigners. We weren't from England, someone from Canada, someone from America, a few of us got together and we came. We jumped into Ephesus car, he was gonna drive us to his home, which was in the city over in Blackburn.
We got on a car, we started driving, we pulled out to the other side, we got onto the main road. And as we're driving
shift, he
turned to me and I was sitting in the front seat.
And he said to me,
are you the oldest in this car among the students?
I was really nervous. Because I was the youngest actually. But because I was tall, they told me to sit in the front seat. My heart was throbbing.
And I said, No, no shift. I'm actually the youngest one. So he stopped the car.
And he said, adjust your seat according to your mom.
That was it.
And I opened the door.
I got a signal word.
And then one of the more advanced students who is in a higher year and also more senior to me, he got out he came in sat on the front.
And then
I sat in the back.
He then said this mid last year to driving again.
Then he said
I'm trying to find a good translation with this. He said what has happened with time
It's as if, just because you grow in height, you lose your humanity.
He said the Miami variegate insomnia Kogi. But you've grown in height, I get it. That was your cause. But does that mean he lost your humanity? Did you forget about that? Who cares if your knees hurt, sit in the back. That's the other, that you're supposed to be in the back with the senior when there are more senior people to you.
Okay, so I had many moments like this. I mean, if I start sharing them, I'll end up embarrassing myself beyond repair. Because I learned so much from my teachers and they, at times didn't hold back when they scolded us. In those hours at that moment, when we were scolded, it hurt a lot. I kid you not that day, Allah knows how much my heart hurt because of how he reprimanded but today I considered as one of my most honorable interactions with my teacher.
I take pride in it.
That 100 Allah, Allah subhanho wa Taala gave me that opportunity that someone cared to correct me on something. The rest of the world would have justified it. He didn't hold back. He was honest with me. Right? Well, no reward.
The second thing is you need to read about them. Read about good matters. This book that we're going to read is a great place to start and there are other great books out there too that can help you understand good manners. mumble hottie Rahmatullah er is another Boothroyd is also a great way to understand prophetic mannerisms. Your mama know we don't have to lie on the other side pain is also a very good book.
I believe if I'm right, Chef, I'm it's been done for has it book on style mannerisms, too. It's an English as well.
I taught a class some years back, called the prophetic code, which I haven't taught in a long time. But for those of you who participated in that class, that class was actually an inspiration from this book. Because when I read this book, I thought it was so beautiful. But I also felt that the American context, there were certain other things that needed to be addressed, I shut up the fact that did not address because of the crowd that he was writing to that inspired me to try to include more subjects and topics. And that's what led to me compiling the 300 narrations that we taught in the prophetic code. Okay. I'll include some of that in our class. As we move along, I'll just bring
some of that research in.
So reading books, and the last thing that I'll say, and this is where we'll end today's gathering, too.
If you want to learn and develop good character and yourself, be around people of good character, observe them, watch them. Look at your parents, look at the elders in your community. Look at your grandparents, look at your uncles and aunts. Look at the people who actually know what they're doing. Try to understand that this is how you interact with other human beings. This is there's a way for you to interact with animals, there's a way for you to go to work. There's a way for you to dress when you go to a wedding. You know, if you show up to a wedding in a T shirt and ripped jeans, you're just being disrespectful, you're being obnoxious. That's not how you dress. When you go to a
wedding, there's a way to do it. And these are some of the things that shuffle the photographer that I'm alone without will be teaching us in this beautiful book of his men other than Islam, Islamic manners, we conclude today's session here. And if Allah wills in our next session, we will start with actual book. We're praying that Allah subhanaw taala accepts. Granted Sophia allows us to be an inspiration and a source of joy for those around us. May He bless us with good character with his divine power, wisdom and guidance, then may give us strength to walk the rest of the way to work and develop ourselves without a law with God honestly that I'm Ahmed saramonic warahmatullahi
wabarakatuh