Taking Off Hijab

Haifaa Younis


Channel: Haifaa Younis

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AI: Summary © The speakers stress the importance of finding solutions to problems and addressing "by the way," while acknowledging the challenges of finding one's love for Islam and finding one's own success in public life. They also touch on the challenges of finding one's strength and weaknesses in prayer, as well as a woman who refused to allow her employer to serve her schedule and went to jail leading to her divorce and her own marriage. The speakers emphasize the need for personal growth and self-improvement, rather than just a matter of routine, and highlight a Facebook Live event and a woman named Miss Baraka who spoke about her experience with Jeff Hayes.
AI: Transcript ©
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Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato smilla al hamdu Lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah while he was off by a woman who Allah Loma Linda Maya and found out one foreigner Lima alum tener una casa mia Mooji would do a lot of money how to become an enemy lionpaw calvia Sha, one of Silla Leticia Baba do what he loves the job Bula obon Allah to Zulu whenever there is a tener una Milan karma in the counter will have obesity surgery usmle Emory watlow la plata melissani of Gokhale, Santa Monica rahmatullah wa barakatu. Tuesday Night seven o'clock, our beautiful meeting and I call it a beautiful because I enjoy it personally more than probably anybody else. It's

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beautiful to get together 7pm are we most of us 7pm Central Time and most of the people are either the end of the day, or some maybe people overseas they are beginning of the day, and so beautiful You and your day already start your day with a remembrance of Allah subhanaw taala and what more pleasure and we have to be so grateful that Allah pantalla allow us to be in this presence in his presence. and in this situation where others or we could have been anywhere else. It gives me a great pleasure today again, to have our special guest and I call her beautiful Miriam Masha Allah, may Allah subhana wa tada protector Yara biani. Shia Maria and anybody who have studied Islamic

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Studies, is usually we call them share, but I will not call myself on medium scholars because that's way, way, way higher level. So Maryam join us from California. And she allows me I call her Miriam, just out of love.

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Joining us from California and so grateful to Allah pantalla we have the internet and the ability to meet each other in the zoom. We're going to continue on part one, which we did about six weeks ago, two months ago. Maryam you remind me the topic. Yeah. Maybe two months, three months, Pamela? Yeah.

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topic which is extremely important. And we are not going to be discussing the fifth part of it, we're going to discuss reality. And I was talking with Miriam before the class and we have had this discussion before it's a reality and it is

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a sad reality. But it is a reality. And we all as Muslims, men and woman, by the way, we need to face every reality. And before we start the blaming, we really need to look into why this is happening. Number one, we have to agree and accept that this is our reality. Sad, unfortunately, but it is the number two, we need to why this is happening. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe it's Maryam spot. Maybe it's the masjid fault. Maybe it's nobody's fault, but we need to sit down as Muslim, that we care about each other. We care about the woman who wants to obey Allah subhanaw taala and wear the proper dress that pleases Allah but they can they find it very difficult, or those who are must hunt

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Allah gave it to them and for whatever reason, found it very difficult, and they removed it. And we're not blaming, we need to come and say where is the problem? Because that's how we change. Number two is where is the problem? And number three, which is the most important, what can we do? We cannot change people Allah is the one who changes in a culatta demon. Joaquin Elia de Misha you do not guide people you do not the guide the one you love No one guide home he ever wills on home so ever he was but we can at least at least share with everybody what Allah taught us what Allah gave us also as a personal experience, what made me and what made Maria and what made the lack of money I

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mean the lack of me continue to wear it. Nothing special about us nothing but hamdulillahi Rabbil aalameen I mean we all everybody listening to us have two ears and two eyes and one tongue and hamdulillah but there's something maybe I have seen it and practice it and felt it and same thing with Maria maybe the others have not and this is the whole idea. So to tackle it and Madame you can jump in any time. The the the phenomena of and today this is what we are going to be focusing on

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that there is a lot of there is a good number of women who and I am I can share with you from my personal experience, friends, friends, who has been wearing the proper hijab since age 18. And now they are in their late 40s and they removed it recently and the only thing I got from them a text much as saying Please pray for me.

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That's the text message tells me they need that

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It's a moment of weakness. So this is not not happening. It is. And it is not only the young people, it's everyone. And this is where where are we going to start another one person also, I know, same story, all her life moved here for the last 15 years. And then just very recently, so Miriam, I want you to jump in welcome. So good to have you with us an honor. So jumping right into your money and Bismillah smart.

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Islam, I

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think when we're talking about the concept of hijab, and not so many beautiful woman choosing to remove it, or struggling with even putting it on,

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obviously, every person's personal experience is different. You and I can't speak for, you know, we can't speak for everyone's, you know, different circumstances. But I think that what we can do is kind of touch on some of the stories that we've heard, and draw from them and see what we can do as a community to support them, as you mentioned, what are the solutions? Where what are our roles as sisters who are invested in other women. And I think that when I've heard stories of women who've decided to remove the hijab, it has very rarely had to do with hijab in and of itself. I'll give you so many examples. One sister talked to me about how she

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was going through abuse. And then because of that, she just got to a point where she didn't want to continue to live. And she attempted suicide. And she was hospitalized. And in the hospital, the staff told her she needed to remove her hijab to protect herself because it could be used as a tool, may Allah protect her.

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So when she came out of the hospital, she decided to keep it off. Because she felt like it was just too much for her to think about trying to stay alive every day. And then also think about the emotional

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weight of branch blankie jab as well. And when she had attempted suicide, so many people in her Masjid knew about it, and nobody came to see how can I help you heal. But when she removed her hijab, so many people came to her, and they said, How can I help you put your hijab back on. And I shared a story like this on Facebook, I heard from other sisters, who literally literally told me the exact same thing, that this story was just like their story, whether it was because of depression or because of a relationship or something they were struggling with. They had actually attempted after they've self harm or attempted suicide, people in the community knew about it. And

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they felt too vulnerable to ask for people's help. And nobody was there to support them until they remove their hijab. And suddenly then people cared about them. And the message that they felt was people care more about my hijab than they care about my life. And as difficult as it might be, for us to talk about issues like mental health and protecting your life and all of those things, it's easier to simply talk about hijab. But when we make hijab The only focus for women, I think, we neglect to look at her as a comprehensive worship robe or less penalty either and it's a comprehensive submitter to Allah. And so for example, when I was growing up, I didn't hear about the

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female companions. I didn't even feel connected to the female companions robiola anyone. I only knew about the male companions because in the message in the messages, they only talked about, you know, holiday been really robiola, I will I wanted to get a club holiday normally it will be a little more inside of me or possibly although these are my role models below the level I'm who I just longed to be like them. I wonder what to hear the name I share Khadija with Johan Homer. I just, I really have to sit and think why don't I feel connected to them. And then I realized it's because I only hear about them, if they're going to talk about hijab, I rarely hear about the female companions and how

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they prayed in the night, or how they recited the Quran or how I shall deal with her on her scholarship or her digital the offline has a mother and as a wife, you know, hear about she was a businesswoman but we don't care about the intimate experiences with the profits a little how they thought and supporting the message. And all the other female companions. I mean, there are so many women who when I learned about them, I felt like I could see myself in these woman and it made me feel stronger in my key job. And I think that because often our focus is so much talking about, you know a woman as being modest

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And only that lens instead of also talking about, you know, women in mental health woman, and when they're dealing with abusive situations in another circumstance, a sister told me that she had been physically abused by her husband and her ex husband, to the point that he almost took her life. And every man that she went to to tell him, they told her that she should stay and be patient in the marriage. And I told her, of course, of course, it's the protection of your life, of course, you shouldn't be in a marriage like this. And she said, You're the only person who has ever told me that it's okay to protect my life. And I was so saddened to hear that because when sisters are hearing

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those messages, but at the same time, they're also hearing the message that their hijab is the most important thing. And they're not cared for when it comes to their very painful circumstances. I think that the message that they hear is, hijab is more important than answering the doubts they have in their faith, or the confusion like they have, you know, in terms of like, their personal circumstances, the depression they're experiencing, or so many times a lot of woman right now, especially with the social media culture, there is so much emphasis on beauty and a certain type of beauty. And that's a lot to hear it and to constantly be dealing with these messages is a lot. And

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on top of that, when we go out when we wear hijab, and somebody says something to us, or makes us feel uncomfortable, or maybe yell something at us, so many women have also told me they go into the masjid, they just want to pray to records asking Allah subhanaw taala to help them keep their hijab on and they have been told leave. The Masjid is not for women. And I know that these are not experiences in every Muslim community. There are so many Muslim community, so many imams who are caring, and who are supportive of women. But there this is also a reality of so many communities. And I think that when we're looking at women and just one role or one place instead of as a

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comprehensive worshiper, then when her struggles are focused on hijab, she no longer even feels like she has the same type of resources and comfort and mentorship that she should be able to have had our community been focusing as her as an entire believer.

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Shia, I don't hear you at all.

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Okay, because I muted myself so you can

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already so so let's look at it this way, I fully agree with you that we should not look at the woman, as we always say, as a symbol of beauty. And the same time we should not look at the Muslim woman as only the woman who wear hijab, because then we are removing 80% what Allah subhanaw taala gave her but since our discussion today about this, and we have a handler, Bellman, if you have been following our Tuesday program, all of you who are listening to us, we have covered this actually, two weeks ago, we had also a young psychologist from New York, mental health is a huge issue. I am not exaggerating by saying at least daily, and I am not a psychiatrist, at least daily, I get one or

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two things about mental health, right? In fact, I just got one yesterday. And I'm not exaggerating. If I say two or three a day, and I'm not a counselor about marital issues and the abuse. Absolutely, absolutely. But when we come because at the time and and we are looking at phenomenas, right? And then where is the so we're good it is. And then women they say well, I am not welcomed could be I'm not welcomed in Missoula. And I have to say it's not all the massages where I live since I moved to St. Louis, one of the most welcoming gratitude. I have been a beautiful place just for the woman with almost a million dollar just expand that woman area. So it could be the masjid. It could be I

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am in a relationship that is not nurturing my relationship with Allah and my Deen. But I want to focus on number one. And I again as I've always said, I'm going to be very transparent and honest. And if somebody asked me, What made you put your head job, and I was much younger, in a family and in a country when I was growing up with a job was not accepted. And I grew up in a Muslim country

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and especially being in medical school, and I am going to say it and this is the treatment number one

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is when you know Allah Subhan Allah Tada.

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And I remember the first time I had a discussion with a colleague about all

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law under discussion I don't recall the only thing I recall was the names of Allah subhanaw taala.

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And then I was like taken back and there was no talk about hijab, nothing at all.

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And I was taken back and I was like,

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I need to learn more about my Creator.

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And that's the road. This is my advice to every woman who's listening to me thinking of doing it, doing it and took it off. She is now hesitant. Every person who a woman comes to her or to him asking advice about the hijab I will say number one, before even you say it's an obligation which we agree on, is learn who is Allah subhana wa Tada. And don't learn superficial by reading the Quran as we most of us when we read the Quran, we don't know what we are reading that hamdulillah we are reading spend time knowing Allah your Creator and well the first nothing before and after her nothing after nothing after the one who gives me everything, the one who can take everything from me

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in a second and we all witnessed it. The more I think of a law the more my relationship with a law gets stronger the law linear level you will not see people you will not see people doing this to you or that to you. You will not wait it for people you will not even wear it for yourself. You're gonna do it because a lot Hannah hautala wanted me to do it and then it becomes an I'm speaking feelings sought reveal the fact that your hair is not showing and everybody else is think they are more beautiful, the core bottom line in this

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problem and not about hijab only, you can apply it on Salah you can apply to an obedience to Allah, right? Everything because he job is in obedience to Allah. Allah is in obedience to Allah, nice to my parents obedience to Allah not lying obedience to Allah

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The more I know about him, and these days, everybody, everyone have an access to knowledge. That's number two. Yeah, Maria, what you said is knowledge. Everybody have an access to knowledge 10 years ago, you probably felt it the same way Miriam 12 years ago when I parked and moved because there was nothing remember and the truth was nothing nothing. Literally it was this lecture somewhere and this lecture somewhere and you have to travel was very hard these days that you know, law you sometimes don't know which one? Yeah, course literally which course. So number one, the reason that we become weaker in our relationship with Allah that leads to taking off hijab not wearing Hijab lazy in Salah

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not obeying all what Allah told me to do is work on your relationship with Allah men who are law

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as there is a beautiful book in Arabic I don't know if you're ready to Maria you know the title of the book really anahola actually you and Nicola even nicer

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because you are alone

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and he dedicated his uh, he dedicated to his mother. And he said because it's amazing when you read it is he said because because that pleases Allah.

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So number one, yes. Number one, as an individual, as an individual work on your relationship with Allah pantalla the weaker my relationship with Allah, the harder and harder and harder to obey Him. Absolutely. This is how I look at it. Maryam you come number two or number one from your side.

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I struggle, anyone who struggles with the relationship with the last panel to either

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looking at what about my

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What am I doing? You know, there's this quote, very messy website once and it was when someone asks you when someone says I fear I feel far from a lot ask them who moved.

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And I thought that that was so powerful. It's like who is who is already I'm saying it says again, I didn't hear it. When someone asks you when someone says I feel far from Allah, ask them who moved.

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And I love that because all of us are going to struggle at times without

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relationship with all those panels.

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And knowing who he is, as you mentioned books, there's a beautiful book by the savage gnn yussuf. It just came out it's called

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reflecting on the names of a lot. It's an English reflecting on the names of Allah, you can find it on Amazon, Jean en us. And subpanel law, all of us are going to have times where we feel farther away and we feel closer. That's part of being human. If any of us if all we did was just pray and Mecca, or pray and Miss should inevitably, or pray and mess it up. And our whole life was just praying and fasting and prayer and it's so easy to do worship when we're in these types of spaces, and that's all our focuses. But Allah subhanaw taala says, He tells us in the seletti one no Sookie, well, mahaya woman at the Lehi rock Villa Allah alameen, Allah spent Allah is saying that our, our

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prayers, our sacrifice, our life and our death are only for Allah. And he could have just said our Salaam is for Allah subhanaw taala arfi job is for Allah subhanaw taala. But he's encompassing everything. And so when we feel like we're struggling in our relationship with him, I think the question is, Who is he to us just like that book.

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I think that the more we focus on who is a Hakeem, the most wise, who is unaware, dude, the source of love, who is SLM, knowing who he is makes it easier for us to understand that even if we don't necessarily see the wisdom behind a ruling, or we don't feel it. A lot of times people tell me, I don't feel it anymore, or they don't feel a lot. And that's why they don't want to pray. We don't have to experience an emotional high every time we do an act of worship. We do it because we love Allah, out of this love for him. Yes, we fear punishment. And yes, we want the reward. But the absolute biggest form of fear fearing is a feeling of discipline pleasing Allah penultimate, because

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we don't want him to be displeased with us, because our love for him is so great. But one of the things that I've experienced chifa when we're talking about knowing who Allah tala is, a lot of women talk to me about the fact that there are certain is or certain Ahadi that they don't know how to understand. As woman, they just feel like how could the poor answer this? or How could the puppet still love her it was gonna say this. And they've never heard it explained in a way that makes sense to them. And I have spoken with so many women who have chosen to remove their hijab specifically, because they just don't feel like in Islam, women are given enough agency because of a

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misunderstanding of a way that these

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have been implemented. So when we look at who a lot is, and we come across an ayah, or a Hadith, we don't understand, once we know who he is by reading the letter N and a translation on a regular basis, so that we understand his words, by learning about his names and making sure I tell a lot by one of those names every single week, by spending this time reflecting in nature and thinking about who he is. A lot of times, people right now in their 20s 30s 40s 50s 70s they have a, you know, discomfort with a slammer with religious practices, because somebody in their life, spiritually manipulated or spiritually abused them. So for example, a poor and teacher who God forbid, somehow

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you know, was hitting a child, saying, learn for an encore and under hitting the child, parents who say, you're going to go to hell, you're going to go to hell, because you're not praying, you're going to go to help so intensely, that they just, they just can't. And so now those voices are the ones that they hear they're not hearing my personal connection with Allah, they're hearing how hit hit hit all this negative reinforcement, which maybe works for some people, but for many people doesn't. Um, so know these voices, who you know, at 70 and at 40 at 20, they don't have the same power that they held of them when they were children. But they still go back to that place and they

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want to, you know, go back to a space where this is how they felt they had no control, they had no protection, they had no safety. And so now when you learn about who Allah is, we need to create new memories and new experiences with Allah subhanaw taala to add, so that when you're reading a quarter and if when you were reading Porter and your only experience with Quran was one where you were afraid, or you felt guilted or shamed into reading, instead, make a new experience with a friend, go to the beach, go to a hike, go outside, sit in a cafe drink well outside of COVID even a tea or some coffee.

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Be and just say, Oh Allah, I want to get to know you for the first time,

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I don't want everyone else to tell me how I should know why I want to know you, I want to build my relationship with you. And you choose to have the power of your own voice, making the decisions for yourself on how your relationship with Allah subhanaw taala should be, instead of someone else's voice, who no longer has control over your life, you're giving them more control over your life by allowing them to control your spirituality. So when we're talking about knowing who he is also building new experiences with him and acts of worship. And then when you come across a hadith or an idea that you don't understand and that you struggle with, even though you need to learn what that

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means, you know that it's coming from someone who knows you, and knows all humankind, and who cares about you, and that it's coming from a place of love and from a place of healing. And that Allah would never reveal something that means to her a woman out of the villa, but instead, I can work on my understanding of it. And I can accept that because I know that it's coming from the one who understands me

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care about yourself.

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Just to to summarize what we said for those who are joining us, number one, number one, the reason that, again, I'm not gonna focus only on a job which the title is hijacked, but it's actually when my, my ability as a human being man or a woman to obey Allah to do what he wants me to do becomes too difficult, too hard, lazy, not motivated, you put the words, the answer is the following the relationship with him is becoming weaker, is just exactly Think of it this way, somebody who I used to be so close to, and I text and call almost daily. And then I got very busy, and I did not keep this and then becomes a week and then becomes every month. What's happened. I pulled away.

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That's exactly number one. So number one, when I feel weak, put self heal on your heart. And look, where is Allah in the heart? Right? How many other things are in the heart and my thinking? So that's number one. Number two, I want to bring it up specially, I wouldn't say well life for the youth. I will say for everybody else did these days. Who is your company?

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Are you spending time with and I'm not talking one to one we are living in the COVID type. Everybody is exactly. Look at the people that you trust. You take advice from you spend time with

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these people. And I can assure you, the couple of the friends who I shared with you in the beginning who took up their hijab, I was not surprised. Because when you spend all your time with the people around you who are not doing it, absolutely, you will be weaker. When you are with people who don't pray regularly, you will end up not praying. And this is not only indeed this is even in medicine when people tells me I've been smoking since I'm age 16. And I say why is that? I grew up everybody in the house is smoking. All my friends were smoking. The company, peer pressure. And you know that here Maria? What October when our elbow and the crina were bajawa who were what kind of camera photo

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don't follow less of this Saraswati Sato, Sara and reread this every Friday. So to recap, reminder, that's the Quran don't follow don't obey lotta men Athena, elbow and the cleaner who he or she became hingeless heedless of what heedless about what remembrance of Allah with de bajawa follow his own desire I like it, it's easy, everybody else is doing what kind of honorable photo and then his matter become shattered. Number two, I think and I see it not all even myself I can see myself when I am spending more time with the people who bring me closer to Allah Of course my Eman is much stronger. So your company, whether the people you follow the people you like and the the things you

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see you watch it affects drop by drop. Am I right here, Maria? Chica I agree. Of course. I think there's a little bit of nuance that maybe I could

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do. Yes. I know that you agree that there are so many women who wear hijab, but they they maybe do harmful things to other people and they don't pray a woman who don't wear hijab and they do pray and they have excellent character. I think that we're talking about you know, friends who are

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There are so many there are so many, you know, people I've met who, on the outside look like, you know, they were actually jab even sometimes were Nepal. But they have been very negative influences to me. And on the other side, people who don't wear hijab, but who are aware and conscientious of Allah subhanaw taala. And they deeply want to, you know, build this relationship with Him. And it's just, they are building it in different ways. So I agree with you chifa, I think the only thing that I would add is depends on the person. Because some, some people are very much influenced by every, every single trend every person around them, they know that about themselves. And so they need to be

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aware of who they're keeping company with, who they're following on social media, what they're watching on TV, what they're reading, but other people because I get this question a lot other people who say that they have, you know, friends or relatives, and they're the only person who, you know, is actively worshiping Allah, and they don't know if they should still continue to be friends with these people. And I think for someone like that they need to look at is their presence, helping other people? And are they not being negatively impacted by other people? Because when we look at the time of the Prophet sallallahu, it was something, I mean, Subhan Allah, I remember in high

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school, I would just walk around, you know, I'm in high school, I really started finding my love for hijab and Islam and, and sometimes I would feel like, you know, there's so much pressure not to where, Hey, Dad, there's so much pressure not to pray and not too fast. And I remember one of my classmates saying, religion is just a ball, it's just a ball in chains around your ankles. And I thought about that, and I was like, really thinking is you're right, you're right about that I was in the ninth grade. And I remember thinking that and then when I heard that I was so blessed to go online after a few months after that, I started reading for en and translation because my mom said

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reading and translation so you understand, most of my family members or converts will have to do that. And so you know, learning the English is the MSO a clickable even in the English translation, reading all of that, and then I realized, like, you know, all of the hardships that I saw myself going through the pressures, the peer pressure be like this to be like that, when I thought about the companions of the Prophet, so love Ronnie was send them, they were in Mecca, there were surrounded by Pete, they had to hide their Islam, and they were surrounded by people who were hostile to them. But those people, not only did they help other people learn about the beauty of

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Allah, it is their examples, that until today, their sacrifice has given us strength. And so I think the nuance to this discussion, of course, your friends, impact you 1,000,000% if you don't have friends who are going to help you in your journey, then they're not going to be supportive, and they're going to bring you down. But at the same time, you might be surrounded by people who are not dressed in the same way or have the same values. But you also can benefit in a different way from them if they're supportive of you. Like for example, sisters who tell me you know, they have friends who don't wear hijab or not even Muslim but they ask them did you go pray Why aren't you You didn't

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pray Why didn't you leave the movie theater and go pray you know, government is coming in they're not even Muslim and they know the word why because of the influence of that Muslim friend. And so you have people who can benefit you know, inshallah one another and coming closer to Allah, Allah, there's so many times you know, people with these experiences also, they help other people find a lot in their own journey. It's a very good point. So the company meaning it to summarize what my point at what Maryam said, the company is, is that company that help and strengthen your relationship with a law. Right and and don't judge and I say this in many interfaith Yeah, and now

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I'm saying it's even to Muslims. Don't judge the religion by people. Yes, people don't practice, people practice, but not the right way. People practice some in the right way, and some not in the right way. May Allah guide us all. And this is actually a point to myself before anyone, is I always say this, that I am the ambassador of this deep women when we are walking in the street and wearing hijab, I am people don't look at me, What is her name? What does she do? The Muslim woman? I am the ambassador. And the same thing with that with a brother with a beard. And when obviously he's a Muslim. We need to show the beauty of stand by our action. And if I don't see it from someone, I'm

00:34:40--> 00:34:55

not gonna put an X on the religion. Right? Well, I think one thing we all have to remember one of the most beautiful thing for me in STEM, and maybe this will surprise you. Yeah, Maria? Yeah. 10 00 to zero.

00:34:56--> 00:34:59

New soul will carry the burden or the

00:35:00--> 00:35:50

send off any other soul When I am in this private meeting, private interview, and we all will have it with a loss pantalla he's not going to tell me Maryam said this or did that. And when money on them that private meeting, he's not going to ask her Hey fat said this or did that he is going to tell me and her. I send you the Quran. I send you the messenger. I made it easy for you to learn in every language. Why didn't you do it? Yes, yes. And I have an I say this to myself. I have to have a really good reason to answer to say why I didn't do it. Because if I'm gonna say your law sends me back. I'm gonna be different a little bit. Do you know that you're Maria Montessori? Hi.

00:35:51--> 00:35:51


00:35:52--> 00:36:31

Kayla na, Karima TA. Allah said, this is sorted more we know he will say send me back your law, I'll do different. There is no second chance once we go. So number one, again, relationship with a law. Number two, look for the company that strengthen your religion. Strengthen your relationship with Allah, and when you are alone, also look for the company that strengthen your relationship with Allah. I'm not talking about people, even what am I? What am I reading? Why? What am I spending my time with? So that's number two. Number three, I live with Julia Maria. And I will comment on it.

00:36:34--> 00:37:15

When we're talking about number three, I'm going to, I'm going to expand on number two, make it into a number three, let your companions be the female companions of the Prophet Silla, why they will send them to sit down, even if you don't have friends who support you or friends who are doing what you think is the way to come close to Allah. Or you feel like the examples you hear I hear this all the time. Oh, you know, I can't wear a hijab, because hijab is because of men. Only men tell us to wear hijab only male scholars tell women to wear hijab, men don't understand what women have to go through. I'm tired of hearing from men. There are so many cases of men abusing women or spiritually

00:37:16--> 00:37:54

disempowering women who are in them. And we're just tired of hearing from men. And I understand absolutely where that's coming from. And I think that when we look at he jab, and when it was revealed, we have it in the quarter and, and by the way, just because we're not going to go into the film of this, I did a video specifically on where the Quran talks about covering your hair. And the female companions will be able to hide from the head deep that talks about the hijab and the obligation of it, you can find it on on YouTube, just search my name Miriam and your hijab, I have a channel that has this huge video that breaks it down into detail. But the reason that I wanted to

00:37:54--> 00:37:59

mention this is because when we're looking at how the Quran was revealed,

00:38:00--> 00:38:49

it was it was over a decade of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam receiving revelation about Jenna, about Gehenna, about the Hereafter, but building a relationship with Allah about social justice in the community about supporting the vulnerable panela all this character building and this building of a relationship with Allah, and then they went to Medina and then still it was a few more years before hijab was revealed. And when we see that example of the female companions, what was their reaction? And also who were the female companions, narrow rating that I had D about hey jack, it was I showed all the love on her. It was half sold the loved one. It was um, well, my Tia

00:38:49--> 00:39:25

nusseibeh mobula juanda these are women who were not just you know, Masha, Allah, all of the female companions are better than all of us combined. We are not even the dirt on their shoes. But they're not not they're not small names that no one knows. They'll save the whole deal who she was fighting in the battlefield, protecting the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Everywhere he looks a little the holiday was something he would see her protecting him. When she fought in a number of battles. I tripled the level I thought as a scholar, she is energetic, the way she speaks is so assertive, we see that in the example of how subtle the level I'm have. These are women who are scholars, these

00:39:25--> 00:39:59

are women who are are aware of their identity and their connections with Allah. And when the verses on hijab were revealed. They didn't question them. Instead, they immediately wore them and they shared them with their sisters. And the reason that I think us understanding the the reaction of the female companions and making them our friends is important is because again, when we talk about you know, I grew up and Dr. hates that, like you mentioned 1015 years ago, that's when I grew up, maybe like 20 years ago. I only heard about marriage and mud and mud.

00:40:00--> 00:40:36

honesty and motherhood. And these are so important, but I really didn't hear or even see many female scholars. Many women who memorize the Quran like these are these are what the female companions also did false model the law who I have an amazing mother, an amazing mother, if you are a mother struggling with postpartum depression and struggling with your hijab, you don't have the same support you had in the MSA when you were you know, when you were 19 and 20. And everything was like passionate Islam. Now you're, you know, you're you're struggling with your children, you don't have any time to yourself in Doctor Hey, found Michelle. She's an OB GYN, she sees women who are

00:40:36--> 00:41:15

struggling with postpartum depression. This is very real, and you need the help of a professional. Absolutely. And as you're processing that, like take both the model the level and how to be your friend, learn about the female companions, what would they have done? Learn about conserv and Tamra who loved poetry, what would she have done? She was a poet, Sophia will do have had the aunt of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam who defended the fortress of the woman and the Battle of that, how would they have understood hijab when you're feel like you're in the Battle of your work, or your the Battle of your home or whatever it is, this female companions went through it too. They

00:41:15--> 00:41:59

were, they were so strong in their voice and their understanding of Allah and connect to them learn their stories, and you can throw a book ship up from Niger we wrote, it's called Elmo head detect al HADITH 80 by chef Mohammed Akram nadwi. And he talks about so many female scholars from the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam all the way until centuries later. And I think when we're able to look at their example so that when we hear Oh, hijab is only something that men want women to wear know who were the teachers of those men you're not Malik rahima Hello this great scholar was taught by the daughter of the famous can pet companion sad and it will cost will be a little I'm a

00:41:59--> 00:42:37

smell will be low. So when you look at Excuse me, I said, well, the level I have, when you look at the amount of Jeffery, the great granddaughter of the prophet SAW Allah while he was summoned Satan ephesoft taught you met a sheffey Rahim Allah, these are great scholars. And we have so many names of male scholars who attribute their knowledge to the female scholars who taught them. I think we're so healing when we're looking at a jack because we see a job and we see, this isn't just you know, only I'm relegated to this. No, I'm a comprehensive believer, whether I'm a full time mother or a full time ob gyn, we're a full time scholar, whatever I am.

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I'm I'm following in the footsteps of Miriam Allah has Salah the examples that Allah has given us a woman allowing us to feel like we can find our voices in their voices. And I think for me, that gives me so much strength. I think I fully agree with you and Subhanallah we just finished a gender Institute 12 weeks, and we call it a course polls around the roswaal risottos. And we covered the 12 Whys of our Swati site was not historically, historically, you can read it. It's what Where do I see myself as a woman, right living in the 20th 21st century?

00:43:22--> 00:44:17

On the east younger old Guess which one? For 12 weeks, I can tell you those sisters who joined the course we just finished and because it's it's had a lot of positive feedback. We are actually doing from January about the full Daughters of roswaal. A sought to sell Ireland Yes. What did I learn as I was preparing for it is in every woman in every one of them. They were all different, absolutely different, different. But they are all connected with one thing is their loft almost pantalla their submission to Allah pantalla and the way they worship Allah outside the obligatory is what they use what Allah gave them. Meaning, how do I how do I apply this? If I now as a woman say, well, there is

00:44:17--> 00:44:59

only men teaching us I will say please forgive me 15 years ago, this could be true, right? Not now. When I left to study, there was none maybe one I remember. Then when I moved to Georgia to study and I everyone taught me absolute scholars woman. I was blown out. I was like wow, what is this? If she can do it, I can do it. That's how I said it. I was like if she can memorize the Quran I can do it. If she if she can speak this beautiful, eloquent. I honestly I've had one taught me better than Milliman. I have studied with

00:45:00--> 00:45:37

The issue is not about man or a woman. issue is because now we have so many women who are physicians are very good, right? I, as women, yeah, Maria, and this is now I'm talking to my beautiful sisters, we woman, as we took the lead 20 3040 years ago, about 40 years ago, to take some professions that were absolutely for men only. I was the first one I did training. In ob gyn. We were the first class nine women only. And this is less than 20 years.

00:45:38--> 00:46:22

Right? So the women, and this is to everybody, we need to start taking the leadership. Yeah, not being scholars. But in learning. Yes, I was I want to be a lawyer or a teacher, or I want to be an excellent mom. I want to be an excellent Muslim by knowledge, not by what they told me. And let's stop blaming the others. Let's stop blaming what a mom says. Or dad says, or the husband, why not me teach myself. That's that's the other thing. Now, one more thing. One more thing. And this goes to there's so many comments, or no, if you're reading it, and I'm gonna bring this stock this because it's a question and I get it a lot. And maybe you too, yeah, Maria.

00:46:23--> 00:46:29

If someone comes and told me, take off your hijab, otherwise you will not get the job.

00:46:30--> 00:46:33

As far as the question, what should I do?

00:46:34--> 00:46:37

My answer, and I will leave it to Mary and go ahead. jamari.

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never speak before you, please. This is what I said. And actually, you will be surprised I was told this. When I went for my interview for my ob gyn I can't tell you how many people told me they will not take you.

00:46:55--> 00:46:56

Frank in my face.

00:46:57--> 00:47:21

The lonely. And I remember Subhanallah at that point I was studying, I was memorizing my core I was studying, but not yet studied. But I'm studying, basically connecting, strengthening my relationship with Allah. I remember when I sat in that interview before I went, and I looked at them before they were asking me and I remember Allah brought it in my heart. And I said you're locked into Rosa.

00:47:22--> 00:47:25

You are the one who gives sustenance.

00:47:27--> 00:47:34

Who's going to give me this? Or you are the one who is not going to give me this. These are only the tools that you will move.

00:47:35--> 00:47:49

And if it is good for me, you will give me and if it is not, you're not giving me that's what I will need. I will never I will say this to all everyone listening to us. Don't you ever sell your euro for your dunya

00:47:51--> 00:47:52

it doesn't worth it.

00:47:53--> 00:48:42

At Jonathan hasura It's a lost trade. You will go out of business. Allah is Allah Rasool Allah is the one who owns the employment will employ will company with the land where the company is and the bank where the money it's all by Allah's hand, OBEY Him. And if he gave it to you, and 20 years ago, I remember this very well. I had a Somali lady and in a small class I was running. And she said that she works in a factory America. And she had like three or four children, single mother 20 years ago. And she said they told me in the factory, take off your job, or you will lose the job. And she said I am not and if you want to fire me, Allah will give me and they fired her.

00:48:44--> 00:48:46

But then she said Allah gave me better job.

00:48:47--> 00:49:25

That's what we are missing. eliakim So to me, yeah, sir. tivity in a law don't look at people at all at all. They are a layer right between us and Allah. So also this comment on this employment because that's another There's another question which is really also good. So what do you tell? I'm sure all the younger girls will tell you I'm not gonna I'm not gonna take me in this college of that college because of my hijab. And I do tell them I would tell them to watch the Facebook Live episode of Dr. Hayes that talking about her experience with Jeff

00:49:31--> 00:49:31

That was amazing.

00:49:33--> 00:49:33


00:49:36--> 00:49:52

know, you've been through it. I'm sure you as a younger Mom, you went through this weaker points. All of us did you think we are like nobody we're human being when you go through this weak point. And I'm gonna be very frank when you look at the mirror and then you say what did I do to myself?

00:49:54--> 00:49:55

We have this moments.

00:49:58--> 00:49:59

Right? What did what what made you

00:50:00--> 00:50:21

not take it off. And I will tell you what made me not take off. But after I hear from you, because we all go through it. Yeah, you know what? No, of course. Yeah. Yeah, you know, my struggle actually might be slightly different. I think a lot of people struggle in this way too. But for me, the struggle is actually the physical action of hijab.

00:50:22--> 00:50:31

Because I'm chasing after the little boys. So I like sometimes I trip. Sometimes I'm trying to change a diaper and the hijab is in my face.

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Sometimes I'm just hot, I just feel like I'm outside and it's like, 105 degrees. And I'm just like, Allahu Akbar, I just wish I could be feeling the wind, you know. And in those moments for me, I just think like y'all, Allah gives me better in paradise put Baraka in my life, because of the struggle and give me better in paradise. Like, I think about how worship is so beloved to Allah subhanaw taala. If it's easy, that's so beloved to him. But how much more Beloved, is it to him that you still do it, and you just struggle with it? Like, you really have to love someone to keep doing it, even though it brings you so much frustration, or whatever it is that you just feel like, Oh, that's

00:51:19--> 00:51:37

anxiety. You just take that into I just pouring all that emotion into it. I'm like, oh, Allah, give me better in the hereafter. Bless my loved ones because of it. And let me see the bulk of your worship. I've spent a lot I don't think that there's ever been a time. And you know,

00:51:38--> 00:52:18

I am not one of those people that comes home and loves to wear my hijab for the next three hours, like no, I come home. And it's how do they love her hijab outside, I'm having to build up. But when I think about that, like that struggle, and that journey, I just ask Allah like, oh, luck, you see the struggle in it, please look at bless it for me and love me more because of it. And we know that one of the people that's the most beloved to Allah subhanaw taala. And obviously, I don't count on this as this anymore. I'm an old person, older person, but as a youth, as a young person, who could have been doing so many other things. But for only for the sake of Allah, you chose to stay on his

00:52:18--> 00:52:47

path, or only for the sake of Allah as an elder person, he really doesn't matter anymore. We chose only to stay on his path, even though it's a struggle, after all these years, and you think I hear from women who are older, who are in their elder years, and who they think like, was it really worth all these years of brand new job? I think the question is, what will you be asking yourself, as you face your final moments? Will you be thinking, was it worth it? You have no there's no law? There's only cost?

00:52:49--> 00:52:51

Absolutely. I'll tell you what, the

00:52:53--> 00:53:14

the question of being hot. And this is, this is a true story. I went through it. And this was April, I remember very well, April 15. The day of taxes, and I wasn't this long before. This is before we pay taxes online. And long line was so hot here in St. Louis, long line in the

00:53:16--> 00:53:33

post office. And of course, I'm the only woman who wears hijab, and I buy. And everybody was looking at me because it was extremely hot that day. And then I reached to the desk and the man looked at me in a very nice way. And I will say this in a very nice way. And he said, I'm too hot.

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And I said who is not?

00:53:41--> 00:53:43

100? It's 100 degrees outside.

00:53:45--> 00:53:56

Right? The point is, the point is, you will need to work on yourself inside because I remember one of the first questions I asked

00:53:57--> 00:54:19

my allotting word, the sister when I was thinking of putting the hijab, what about if I changed my mind? I always had this. And I was like, I can do this with a law. We feel assured to change our mind with people. How can I be this with Allah? And that's the daughter She taught me May Allah give her genetic dose.

00:54:20--> 00:54:28

I met her maybe two times only and this is what it is and we can we can put it here on the Khomeini. So Luca sebat.

00:54:29--> 00:54:34

Your Allah I asked you to keep me steadfast.

00:54:35--> 00:54:44

That's it. That's it. Because if I am steadfast and I it's not really my ability on law,

00:54:45--> 00:54:54

the curvy, V strong back to his names and his attributes, if he makes me steadfast who can move me right not.

00:54:56--> 00:54:59

Not even me. Not even on not even people.

00:55:01--> 00:55:43

So Lucas about we need to keep this connection with Allah turn to him and when I am so down and Rican I'm about that sit I'm gonna take it out or no way. I'm about to put it in and I was like no I can This is so weird what people will say about me the answer is Allahumma inni Assetto Corsa last question Maria. And I'm sure you get this too and this was on the on the chat. Is it compulsory when the woman becomes 40 years of age? That's the question. I didn't put the age the age was put on the on the chat you are. So please answer this is important for you to answer. Well, the system is referring to the verse.

00:55:45--> 00:55:53

I'm sorry if you know it will collide amin en mi sang Lachey layer, Juna Nika hon. Phil Arjuna, holla, hiner, your

00:55:54--> 00:55:55

lawyer Amitabha.

00:55:58--> 00:56:04

Right. Now people know only the part one because part one comes easy. Yes.

00:56:08--> 00:56:29

There is a lossy says those who didn't put an age by the way, so we cannot put an age. He said those and Allah describe them as our dominant Missa Missa and the Arabic language meaning those women who have lost hope or actually not hope, most of the desire to get married.

00:56:30--> 00:56:31

What is this age?

00:56:33--> 00:56:36

It's not 41 right.

00:56:38--> 00:56:53

These days, right? What I see in my office, yeah, this is the the women lost interest in getting married with the meaning. Then what did he say? There is no

00:56:54--> 00:57:18

no harm. And he didn't say put off your hijab. Janabi hinder and what is it jilbab the third coat that the woman put on the top and even that Allah says what staff if the hiring loan if they don't do it is better for them yes yes the panel love yes the panel there's a there's a statement of how I'm so sorry I literally cut you off I'm so sorry. Please keep going.

00:57:19--> 00:57:25

No, go ahead. Just on that point there's a statement I believe in this I think it's a privilege to have some bits

00:57:27--> 00:57:52

have been sitting in I'm just saying that wrong. I can't remember who it is off the top of my head but she was one of the scholars who came in the early time of the Muslims and there were some of her students who were asking her you know you're like an older woman now Why are you still wearing your your your hijab? And she said don't you because I said Haven't you heard local R I do mean and Lisa in that era of doing any calf hunt but they said they didn't know Juna

00:57:53--> 00:57:58

and then she said What didn't you hear the other part? What is that?

00:58:00--> 00:58:30

So she responded with that same verse panela Exactly. This is this is when we learn our Quran, my beautiful sisters and we have brothers also listening to us. Don't read or learn the Quran, copy and paste or actually cut and paste. Quran is the whole book. So I'm not gonna read while at the horrible Sarah bracket Christopher? Yeah, then Oh, great. I don't have to pray. Random Tom suka when you are intoxicated.

00:58:31--> 00:59:11

The bottom line and I don't know if there's other questions, but there's one jamari and this would be also nice. So what is that advice specifically for a new revert or convert who is not comfortable with starting to wear hijab is such an aggressive sister May Allah bless you and bless your entire family. It is so real. I've seen people walk into the masjid and before they even give their Shahada. Women are putting a hijab on their head as if hijab is the most important thing you need to do right away. Of course hijab is an obligation but getting to the place where you are wearing Hijab focus on your relationship with Allah subhanaw taala as we talked about, read the Quran every single

00:59:11--> 00:59:53

day, just one page, one verse in English translation. And I also recommend a beautiful book of this year of the Prophet peace be upon him. It's a biography called Mohammed man and prophet. It is by Atul Salahi a di LSALHI 100 men and Prophet peace be upon him to help you know I mean, you know, we all know who the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam is but being able to love him and just feel like I want to follow this in every way. It's not because you're not already following it. It just gives you strength to know that, you know, this is where I derive this from. This is where I find my strength from. And also like we talked about a support group and Michelle agenda Institute is an

00:59:53--> 00:59:59

amazing Institute where you can take online classes privately secretly take these classes on your own time and feel like

01:00:00--> 01:00:41

Building your relationship with God. Um, and also on Instagram, you can find me at the th e Merriam mar YAMAM. I are at the meriam Amir and I have something called the he dev series if you look for the hashtag e jab series on my account, I'm trying to address all of the different parts of hijab that women struggle with that they feel personally or going into the masjid the spaces that they struggle with. And as a convert you're going to come across issues where sometimes you don't know what to excuse me not just as a convert I what I mean is as a recent convert, because there are converts who converted before I was born and people are still saying Mashallah you've learned how to

01:00:41--> 01:01:18

pray and they're like please I've been Muslim longer than you were born you've been alive but but as a new convert you know learning about as you face these issues and people saying you know you're supposed to do this you're supposed to do that I think it's helpful to have some some some some support and clarity on which what what that really supposed to look like for you. So a the quarter and in your relationship with God be the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. So Allah Hadi was Salaam and three a support group like Jenna Institute, learning about Egypt for the hijab series, which I hope is helpful. And then also again, the hijab, the hijab video, it's a 45 minute lecture

01:01:18--> 01:01:56

that talks about you know, walks you through why we wear hijab what's what in the Quran talks about hijab all of that which is on YouTube just look up my name Miriam Amir on the channel and I'm sorry I'm not trying to promote my page or my Instagram I hope it doesn't come off like that. I've just been doing so much work on this topic. So I'm trying to give it as a resource. Absolutely. And actually this is why we when when when I thought about this topic, mme came to my mind this is how it is is some people put their efforts or their their passion and when you do things with passion as we say when it comes out from the heart goes to the heart The for the sister for the river sister

01:01:56--> 01:01:57

This is how I

01:01:59--> 01:02:40

say hey, job is either the beginning or the end. What does that mean? Either your start your journey with Allah subhanaw taala. And the first point is the hijab, and this people does that does it this way, but and then as you get stronger and stronger and stronger, becomes easier, easier, and you can do more and more. Some people find it very challenging, very challenging, and I'm being very honest. I'm not saying it's not important but Allah forgive me. I'm not saying it's not a form of not obligation, May Allah forgive me, but I'm, I'm being very realistic. If you are finding it difficult, then your relationship with Allah is not strong. And I remember very well someone I know,

01:02:41--> 01:03:25

when they put their hijab the first year. They finished the Quran every month, not memorize reading, but they know they know what it means. And I remember when we were discussing this you said this kept me stronger and stronger and I became more comfortable with what I who I am the person I become, and I am absolutely people see around me that I am comfortable so I don't get much harassed, strengthen the relationship with Allah subhanaw taala the idea that many people are asking that we quoted while Allah I do mean a nice Latina your journey. It's short for nor I don't remember the number of the verse, this is how I remember it is the page before the end, maybe honey in our to our

01:03:25--> 01:03:26

staff, you can put it here.

01:03:28--> 01:04:17

The number of the I, the last one, or somebody saying May Allah reward you, Marian for all what you do Mashallah, Allah, may Allah, this is how I will say May Allah are the words everyone, young and old man or a woman who is working for the sake of Allah for no reason. But to please Allah. Number one, number two, each one of us have to make dua for the other. Yes, couple of things. Number one, make what we say and do and learn and attended. Only for his sake, call this the word he'll carry because Allah will not accept it, unless it's pure for his sake. And this is not easy. Let's all pray for everybody. Anyone who's working for this, even if you are not a big fan of them, it's not

01:04:17--> 01:04:22

they are working for a law. Yes. And don't judge them, pray for them.

01:04:23--> 01:04:57

They need to change pray for them. But don't cut them down. They're working for a law and all of us have to purify ourselves. I go, Maryam knows me very well. I love this purification of the heart. Unless your heart and mind and us is pure. Everything else becomes mercury. When the heart is pure. Everything becomes a pure 100 layer blend. Miriam I leave the last words to you. It's over eight o'clock. I didn't feel a moment of it. And you know how long I had today. I just showed 100 things that you have any

01:04:58--> 01:04:59

last words will

01:05:00--> 01:05:12

Before you one thing I want to share, and this is personal, but it's really affected me today I was telling you, I delivered the Muslim patient today in a C section. And I normally do this in

01:05:13--> 01:05:17

any surgery with a Muslim patient, I believe the Quran and I put it next to her ear.

01:05:18--> 01:05:43

Right? And the and of course, I'm the only Muslim and she's the only Muslim so everybody was listening. So I left the C section, and the nurse came to me and says, You know what I like about you Dr. Yunus. I said, What is it? I said, this prayer is you do I don't know what it is. They were asking me I said, she said to them, it's the music they use in their religion. Somehow. She said it makes the patient much calmer.

01:05:45--> 01:06:30

Be proud of who you are, everybody Alhamdulillah hamdulillah deanery harder on Hakuna Lena de Lola and hidin Allah Allah said this is sorted out so gratefully Allah We the People of Jana or say this Alhamdulillah praise Allah to Allah who guided us to this and we will never be guided unless he guided us You are the last words for you yeah Maria for you ended with my last words I was just going to share that you know the anytime I've struggled with my faith, going back to the poor and has seen me go to the Quran, read it and translation builds a connection with it and inshallah through knowing the words that Allah sent from an angel with an angel on the lips of the Prophet

01:06:30--> 01:06:53

sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to you inshallah your relationship with him and your strength in your belief in him will will completely shift well it'll be it'll be I mean last word I want to say reminded me now when you see a woman or a man not obeying the law, please pray for them. Don't say anything. Don't put them down. Don't judge them. Allah knows

01:06:55--> 01:07:18

pray for them. Pray for them. She's not dressed properly. Say it's your your what make it easy for her to dress properly he is not praying your love make him pray don't put people down. We don't need that we have so many people put us down we need each other to be to make each other stronger. Marian there's actually no heroin is just a time ended Mashallah.

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Mashallah, I had a feeling to be the last one.

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It was you all for being with us for all the comments. It was a lot of comments, forgive me. And forgive me if we couldn't address all the comments and all the questions subhanak alohomora, behind the shadows, and stuff Guru kawakubo sallallahu ala Sayidina, Muhammad Ali. He was hobbiton