Emotional Intelligence

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Habib Bobat

Channel: Habib Bobat

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Episode Transcript

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For

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Sale

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hamdulillah

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Al Hamdulillah when a story no one has told Pharaoh when are older we let him in Shuri and fusina woman say you are Melina Miyagi Hello fellow movie.

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Woman you blue feather her the other one a shadow and

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the hula sharika wanna shadow Mohammed Abu rasuluh about the aku mouth about Katara filco and in module four Khan and Hamid are other Billahi min ash shaytani r rajim Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem, well cowardly Mina Loy Eva, Will our afina Annie nurse while your head will mahasin in the lobby was sort of unavailable Kareem

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honorable Allah respected elders, brothers, mothers and sisters.

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Emotional intelligence,

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which we often refer to as EQ

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has been gaining increasingly more attention worldwide.

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The corporate sector

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and the people that are working in the corporate environment has realized the need for EQ. And so they are investing in their employees. They are sending their employees to attend workshops, seminars, and conferences to understand what is emotional intelligence or EQ.

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It has become so important that experts say

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your IQ will determine whether you fit the job. But your EQ will determine how long you will last in a job.

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So as a starting point,

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let's try and understand this. You get IQ, EQ and sq.

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IQ is your intelligence, your knowledge, your skills, how much you know.

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EQ is about understanding your emotions, and the emotions of the person that you are interacting with. That's called EQ. And Sq is referred to as your spiritual connection,

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your spirituality in life.

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And wherever you go in the corporate world, the new buzz is IQ, EQ and sq.

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Today I want to talk about EQ from an Islamic perspective. And we want to understand that what does Allah say in the Quran? What teachings do we learn from the seer of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam as far as EQ is concerned.

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So EQ in a nutshell has two components.

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The one aspect is

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understanding your own emotions.

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And accordingly, taking charge of the situation. That's the one part.

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The second part of EQ is to understand the person in front of you where he's coming from.

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What's the background to this person's sentiments? Why is he so worked up? Why is he so angry?

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So that's called EQ two to two elements. One is to do with yourself and your feelings, and secondly, to do with the feelings of others.

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Now, the reason why EQ is so important, as I mentioned,

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that your IQ your skills will, will determine whether you are fit for the job. But your EQ will determine how long you will last in that job. We've seen people changing jobs in the last three years, at least four to five times. Now the boss wasn't right. The manager wasn't right. The environment wasn't right. You know, excuses upon excuses. And you see a person suffering in his own life. And as a result, he is unable to last in any job.

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Very seldom you hear people you know, I've been with this company for 40 years, or 30 years, or I don't know any other company besides this one.

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And you see that it's a growing trend amongst people that they change jobs, sometimes on an annual basis, sometimes every two years, sometimes every three years.

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But if you analyze the situation, and if you understand this woman EQ perspective, you'll understand that debt men internally has not overcome these own struggles. That is why he's not lost in any job. So the objective of EQ is to give you control over your own emotions, to give you a better grip over your own feelings, so that it does not spill over in your work environment, it does not impact on your work, and you are able to control yourself under tense situations. That in a nutshell, is EQ.

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And the importance of EQ is that a person who has a healthy EQ will have happier relationships.

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He'll have happier relationships with the people around him, not only at the workplace, but even at home.

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How often you see that a man academically very sound, he's very intelligent. He's got the necessary qualifications. But this man is not lasting.

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His relationships break down every now and then he's fighting with his wife or the other way around. He's fighting in the workplace, he is struggling. And so a person with a healthy EQ will have healthy relationships. As opposed to a person who does not have a healthy EQ. His relationships will suffer, both in his personal life and also in his public life in the workplace.

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So let's try and understand this from the Islamic perspective. Now that we understood what is EQ, let's try and develop this in our life and get a better understanding of EQ. As I mentioned to you, EQ has two elements one is personal and one is public. As far as your personal life is concerned,

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there are certain emotions that arises in a person's body.

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How accurate? Are we in pinpointing those emotions? How accurate? Are we in picking up those emotions? And how effective are we in dealing with those emotions? Because after all, we are as human beings, we often take decisions based on how we feel isn't

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the husband is angry is worked up, he's frustrated. He issues that divorce.

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It's based on what sentiments it's based on what on feelings, it's based on what emotions isn't. You see a wife say, you know, I know more love you, I've got this deep hatred for you.

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I don't want to see your face, please, I just want to end this marriage. So she is reaching this point based on what on emotions.

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So if a person is able to understand his emotions, if he's able to understand where those emotions are coming from

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the intensity of those emotions,

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and where do those emotions lead that person to for example,

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when a person is angry,

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in some cases, he becomes physical. In some cases, he verbally abuses. In some cases, he breaks things around him, you see the plate is flying or the phone is broken, or the window is shattered. This is where anger flares up in a person is unable to control himself.

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So in EQ, they teach you Techniques

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To Overcome your struggles, and to get a better grip over your emotions. And we learned this from the seer of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam the Prophet of Allah sallallahu Sallam said

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when a person is angry,

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if he is standing, let him sit down.

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If the heat is very intense, let him say are all the way let him in a shaytani r rajim.

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If that does not help, let him make boo boo. This will diminish the anger what is the Prophet of Allah teaching us here?

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He is teaching us to take control of the situation. Subhana Allah.

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The Prophet of Allah is not denying the anger because anger is in every person's life. It's a natural emotion. It will flare up from time to time.

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But it's either that the anger is going to control you or you're going to control the anger.

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If the anger is controlling you then probably the serious consequences

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But if you control in the anger, you are holding the rope and you are pulling the shots.

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So the Prophet of Allah said if you are standing sit down

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if you're angry recite these are all the relay Munna shaytani r rajim. Make Whoo, what is the Prophet of Allah teaching us? He is teaching us to control ourselves.

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And that's what EQ is about that when you get angry, act responsibly, act in a dignified way to not lose your composure, to not lose control over yourself.

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For if you lose control over yourself, you are going to harm yourself and the people around you, that's called EQ.

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The Prophet of Allah sallallahu Sallam first an incident and has been medically allowed Allah who says, quinto amchi masuleh he sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was beaten.

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He says I was walking with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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And a big one came to us. The prophet of a loss of a lot of Islam was wearing a shawl a thick shawl, which was made from Nigeria on

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this bid one.

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violently took that shawl and he pulled it off from the profit of a loss of Allah Holly Silla.

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And it's been Malik says, He did it so harshly. That I saw the imprint on the shoulder of Rasulullah sallallahu.

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And then he said, Yeah, Mohammed. Murli. meenal Malema aka LA.

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Oh, Mohammed, give me money. Give me wealth, from the money that Allah has given you.

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I want you to just I want you to just understand who are we talking about? We are talking about the leader of the Muslims.

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who wields great influence upon people. Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam no ordinary person.

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And a bit one comes in, pulls his shoulder off so violently, that it leaves a mark.

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What do you think was the response of the Prophet sallallahu? Allahu

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Allahu Akbar. The Prophet of Allah looked at him and he said, he smiled, and he said,

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give him something from the treasures. Please him make him happy. Give him some money, a lot.

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The Sahaba around him are furious that how can this men have the audacity to do something like this to the Prophet of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam prophet profitable, last smiled, look at his composure. Look at the control he has over himself a lot. That problem could have been exacerbated further isn't. He could have said, Are you talking to me? I am the Prophet of Allah. I am the leader of the Muslims.

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Are you talking to me like that? The Prophet of Allah did not address him in that manner. The Prophet of Allah understood that this man is a Bedouin.

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And he diffused the situation they and they, that is called emotional intelligence, understanding your sentiments and not getting angry,

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put the same situation and let's apply to our lives.

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I'm sitting in my office, and somebody comes in, pulls my shirt, or grabs me by my quota. And he says, Give me money. I want money from you.

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How would I respond?

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How would we respond in a situation like that?

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So the profitable law held his composure.

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And I promise you it is those few moments if you can control yourself, you can save yourself troubles of months and years.

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The fights that we are in today started off small. It started off when either of us could not control our emotions. And so it flared up in became worse and worse. And we are where we are today. Look at the control mechanism in the Prophet sallallahu his life. Stephen Covey, in his book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People discusses

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and this is one of the techniques they teach you in EQ also, that between a stimulus and a response

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is a gap that you have when you can choose to respond

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in an amicable way, in a good way, in a responsible way. So let's give you an example. You are in traffic and a taxi driver cuts you off. That's a stimulus your emotions inside flavor.

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You're angry, you're furious.

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But before you respond, you got a gap.

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So between the trigger before between that what triggers your emotions. And your response is a gap that you have, where you can choose to respond in a good way. So the taxi driver cuts you off, you are angry, that's a stimulus, that's a trigger, you are angry. But before you respond, you are now thinking to yourself,

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if I chase this person, if I tailgate, and if I go after this man, what are the possible outcomes,

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I might end up bumping him, because I'll lose control over my vehicle, I might lose consciousness of the people around me. So I'll be in a bigger problem, I'll end up hitting someone on the right, or someone on the left.

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That's one option, I can chase him. And I can also retaliate. That's one option. The One option is you pause and you reflect and you say, what are the possibilities and the chances of me ever meeting this man in my life?

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When I ever see this driver, or this taxi driver, again, the chances are slim, the chances are,

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I probably won't see him again in my life. And if I take responsibility in this situation, and if I'm calm and cool, what are the possibilities that will happen in this situation, that man will be gone, I will never see him, I'll protect my life, I'll protect the life of the people in the same vehicle, I'll be safe, I will not be in an accident. And my anger will be gone.

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That's called taking emotional. Taking the emotional measures into account. If I had to act on my emotions, and say, I want to chase this man, I want to show him a point. I'll prove to him that I'm better than him.

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What will happen?

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Very often, we find people in more disastrous situation isn't, you end up bumping somebody in front of you, or somebody behind you, and that man is gone.

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He's gone, who's sitting to the damages?

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Us isn't. So this is called emotional intelligence, to understand the emotions that arise in your body, and then to take charge of the situation. That's called healthy EQ and emotional intelligence. So there's different techniques that you are taught in this field. I've only spoken about one that when you are angry, pause.

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Think of the outcomes. If I'm going to fight with my wife at this moment, what are the possibilities, probably no chose of the Juma?

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And if I listened to a calm and collected, what are the possibilities, or what the understanding man

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for companion Allah has blessed me with.

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So it's about taking control of your emotions. Many people are arguing and are frustrated and edgy, but they don't know why.

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They don't know where those emotions are coming from. They don't know what's triggering those sentiments in them. You know, when a person is grumpy, he hasn't had his full night's sleep. He skipped breakfast. And then he goes to work. He has problems at work. What will be the outcome of that man when he comes home?

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Can you see where your triggers are coming from? So understand when you are angry? just reflect for a moment and try and ponder in your own life. Why am I angry? Where are these sentiments coming from? To I need to react the way my mind is telling me. And if we can grip control over our own lives and emotions. I promise you we will not cause harm to the people around us including ourselves.

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The other technique they teach you is when you are angry.

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Breathe deeply.

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Normally when a person is angry, his breaths are the breathing is very shallow isn't.

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It's very shallow and you're worked up. But once you once you breathe in deeply. If you inhale, eight seconds, and you keep it in for eight seconds, and then you exhale for eight seconds. It will relax the muscles and the tension in your body will disappear.

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It will dissipate.

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Just Just experience this the next time you're angry.

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Breathe in eight seconds. Keep it in for eight seconds. And breathe out for eight seconds. You will still feel better

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So, if you are very angry, keep a stress ball with you.

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Take out your stress on the ball. But don't harm people in their feelings. It's not good. Because what you say at that moment, can either destroy that relationship with the person in front of you for good.

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And you'll have no relationship left.

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So it's all about control all about controlling your emotions. When you are in the workplace, you will definitely come across some arguments, you will definitely come across some conflict in your workplace. I'm asking you, is it worthwhile throwing in the towel every time you have a problem with your employer,

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employers, employers, you know, in madrasa we save those studies giving you a difficult time in class, it's a probably something happening at home

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isn't so we say mixer mixer inshallah, tomorrow be a better day with your start. Same with your employer, the figures are not telling.

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The books are showing deficit, naturally is going to be worked up isn't. So you need to have the courage and the stamina to go through that situation. It will it's a storm, it will also subside, two days later, things will be better. But if you lose yourself, and you get up in an argument every time with your employer, and the workers around you, how long will it last in the job? How long? How long will you last in the relationship with the person you are in with, because you've got no control over yourself. So it's so important to have control over your life. And I tell you, these are emotions that flare up and because of our emotions, we make drastic decisions in life.

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Never make, never make life changing decisions. When you are angry, when you are worked up, never work or never act on your impulses, it's the most foolish thing to do.

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Another technique they teach you is to not respond immediately.

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If you really need to respond, respond a day or two later.

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Because you'd be in a much more healthier position than what you are today. So had a lot.

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So that's the first part of EQ, understanding your emotions, and taking control of the situation. The second part is understanding the emotions of the people in front of you.

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When a person is worked up, when a person is furious, you're not going to expect flowers to come out from his mouth.

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He's worked up, he's angry, he's frustrated. If you don't know go home and try it.

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So when a person is frustrated, instead of getting angry in EQ, they teach you how to understand the situation. So you must ask yourself the question, why is this person so angry?

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What is making this person so angry at this moment?

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What could be the possible reasons why this person is so worked up?

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How can I help improve the situation, when you are thinking like that,

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you're going to defuse

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the situation you are going to make it you are going to make it disappear in a very quick period of time. So when somebody is angry in front of you, don't get intimidated.

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Try and understand where that person is coming from.

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Try and understand what's happening if your husband is grumpy after a long day's of work,

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because probably he must breakfast. He added he headed out with his employer at work. So maybe he's worked up in the house. Let me give him some break. Let me allow him some time. afterwards. I'll try and prove him What's the story?

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Very often when the person is angry with us in front of us, we also get angry.

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That's the wrong way to respond. The right way to respond is to try and find out why is this person angry? I'll give you an example. The Prophet of Allah sallallahu Sallam was eating in the house of eyeshadow de la lucha

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and another wife of the Prophet of Allah, civilize them send some food

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so I shot the low Thailand who are the low Thailand have got extremely upset that it is my turn. It's my turn to be with the Prophet sallallahu sallam. Why are you sending food on this night? She got so upset

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that she took that plate and she she headed towards one corner to the extended the plate broke and the food

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On the floor.

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Now look how the Prophet of Allah reacted a lot. This is called EQ, the prophet of Allah stood up, he took the plate, he put it together, and he cleaned up the floor. And he said to the person,

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your mother's natural instinct has flared up, she's upset.

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What is the profit of about renia.

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He understands why I zepps upset a lot.

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He understood why his wife is angry at this moment. And he explained to the servant, your mother's Natural Instincts has flared up, and therefore she's upset. That's one way responsible way of understanding the person in front of you. The Prophet of Allah did not get upset. The Prophet of Allah did not make a big deal out of it. Don't you know? How can you waste food? How can you break the plate? Don't you know what is poverty in our house? Nothing, a lot. He understood why she got upset. And he understood that she was justified in doing so.

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And so he told the servant, take this other plate and replace it with the one that broke a law.

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A law that is called emotional intelligence, understand the person, why they are upset, where are they coming from? What is making them behave the way they are behaving.

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If you can gain control over your life and the life of others, you will have healthy relationships in your community. You will have healthy relationships at your workplace. And wherever you are.

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The corporate companies even today,

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when a new board is appointed, they send the new board out to do team building exercises, why? To understand each other's emotions, to understand each other's sentiments. When you're working with a board, you get some people who are extremely hot headed, you get some people who are extremely calm, like the water flowing in the river. And you get some people who are in between. I'll give you an example. And we end up on this. You as a person you want to make a proposal to the committee. Now on the committee, we have different people with different emotions and backgrounds.

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Some people will approve it immediately. And then there are some people, you know, I need to sleep over it. I need to think about it. And then there are some people get me three coats.

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And then there are some people No, no, it's fine. Let's go ahead with it. So can you see in one room, so many different people, as a person pitching the proposal? I need to understand that Okay, yeah, I can't get it done overnight, because there are different people on the board.

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And it will take at least two to two to three days, or even a week. What the benefit of this. I'm not going to be frustrated. I'm not going to be worked up because I understand how they are working. So this is what emotional intelligence brothers and sisters, if we study the seer of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam will find it is so rich, so rich, when it comes to emotional intelligence and EQ of love of my time is very limited, but I would have given you more examples and showed you from the life of Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, how he taught the Sahaba emotional intelligence and EQ or marlina in albula

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de natori in

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the