Channel: Edris Khamissa
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Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh 11 minutes after 1130 in the morning 29th of January 2015 cinematic masala masala normal haben Welcome to Al mashreq on radio Islam, and very very warm welcome this morning focused per the Idris some Isa is this way, how are you keeping this morning?
rally concinna molana What can I tell you? This has been a week that has been so so busy, you know and blessings that we are able inshallah, to help people. So they are, and hamdulillah there are so many lessons to be learned so many lessons to be learned about life about people. But I must tell you at the very beginning, that you know, we are living at a very, very sad times, at times when our families are dysfunctional.
At times, when so much of pain people are giving to each other with no respect for the home, there is no respect for the institution of marriage, the children themselves, you know, and I'll talk about the issues in a moment, the gym themselves for example, I think they're getting emotionally entangled with people. And the the the love the kid the parents have given them, there's no respect for that. And they there's no communication at all. And it's very, very similar and rarely. And if I would like really, you know, broadly speaking, is a message to everyone. You must not be pained to the other allies a witness to this my brothers and my sisters. None of us is perfect. None of us is
angels. No, I'm not saying I'm the epitome of innocence and like this sound like that, and why we do it is inshallah Allah also be inshallah merciful to us when he passed away. So we are living modern is not exaggeration,
I would say this year was the a minority examples of wonderful husband, wonderful wife, wonderful children, wonderful families, wonderful, extended families. But I must tell you, a no, I'm convinced I am more than any other time, I believe, really, every home should have a counselor, every home should have a counselor, there was a time when our grandparents participated, when they were assertive, will be able to do things. Now today, you know, sadly, none of us is receptive to it. And, and we can change things, you know, you know, we need to sing account or sell before takes account of hours of us.
despite what you are saying, and your pain, your your your worry, and concern for the oma indeed is a reality. And the woman is going through great trials and tribulations great challenges, and especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships, the great challenges that the woman is facing, and this is, is is is more due to so much of influences outside influences. But, you know, it is at the time of our sort of loss of life rights. And there were so many more challenges, direct challenges that Omar was facing, but he was the one thing
that kept them strong and maintain the man. And so because of the strong Eman they were able to maintain those strong relationships and build on good character, a positive attitude. And it was all because of the strong demand that they had absolutely mana, that's the whole point, you know, and subsumed in what you are saying his effect is about our values, what are our values today? I mean, you find that our values are not the same, the value the husband has the values the wife has is so different. I mean, you know, when you have things like this monana and people say that I appear to have a bias towards our sisters. The reason for that, you know, for me is that I'm not suggesting
the engineers some of them also create a lot of havoc in our home. Some of the connect you until the cows come home, you know, they they are you sometimes they do things like that. But I must tell you, you know, it's very, very sad. Very, very sad. alone. Today I went to see two families today alone, alone alone. Madonna only went to see two families alone, right? And I don't have it, you know, I make dua to Allah.
if I could help the whole world,
but why is it that people cannot help themselves?
Lana, why is it that they cannot respect each other and forgive each other and move on we are going to make mistakes in life. We know we are going to make mistakes in life. You can't go like this Pollyanna. You cannot go on. How can How can you go on? Yep, you put on a facade in the community. When I go for weddings when I go for the weddings, I cry when I go for the wedding. monana. I see. And I have this wedding y'all. Y'all I help this young couple to be happy together. Y'all help this family they making summertime investment in the wedding help in your life of the Meola helped me a lot. Because I know, it is not uncommon for a marriage of three months to two years or so monana
even adults themselves have forsaken and not understood it. You know, and this is oh point one. And you know, and I, you know,
so many things we can talk about. In each of the issues. There are three four things that we can talk about rolana. And it really saddens me, this kind of viciousness, even mindedness, you know, to make your issue at home public knowledge, it's about winning points, you know, about demonizing it not defending your home. And you know, when also for our beloved sisters, the men are the protectors of the woman. And it's a very important point. What does it means to be a project of the woman? What does it mean for the woman, the woman cannot be a protector? In the sense, the man is given that responsibility. So when you have this feminism, this whole idea about my life, you know, I'm getting
paid, I'm in charge of this house will no matter you can be paid a million rands a month, these assura, the husband is the meat of the home, the husband has not been escalated, he must take responsibility. He does not be because you get paid more than the husband, that your husband you're better than him who is recognizable. Now, those people who strongly man, those people decency, those who read this law, don't say do these things wanna get it? So this is it. Now? How arrogant are we? How arrogant? Are we as if tomorrow we are going to be alive? How arrogant are we that will see through this whole conversation. So I think we need to understand and what I will share with you,
you know, and we can talk about what I said so far, I can share with you on the case that dealt with
that worry that pain, versus something that we generally don't come across, because we are not generally involved in social cases are generally involved in assisting and helping people but I know many, many social workers, many counselors, ladies in the helpline, care line helpline, etc. will will will be a testimony to your pain and what they are going through on a daily basis to different cases that they are working with, and the direction that the money is going in. And it seems like deliveries By the way, what you're explaining reminds me of the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi Salaam, who says that you the Padma, I like most running to a fire, and like a moth is
attracted to the fire. And to the light. If he flies in it flutters towards that fire, not realizing the heat, not realizing the possibility of falling into the fire. But realizing the possibility of burning and abuse of a mark is massive. And I am like that man who holds you back by your waist and pulls you away from that fire. And this is this is what we understand to be the condition of the matter they are as if they are running towards this fire, which did not even realize the harms and the consequences of you know, you know, you could not tell me a better use of the word maybe so loudly as a perfect words, to make us understand the nature of what we are doing in it. It's an
almost pressing the button of self destruction. And this is the whole point. You see, the point is is that all of us have pride. All of us have, say, you know what, it's me, it's my life, you know, and we speak in that way. I mean, today, young people, I mean, young people are saying this, have you ever seen the Father? And we all been through this, you know, and I can understand, you know, when when when a young man tells his mother Mommy, or daddy entrematic this girl, right? And so the father will ask the question, Who is this girl you want to get married to? Right? He says so and so is I don't know them. Who's the father? What do they do you see now and you are wondering now why is
the father asking those questions? And I'm not saying at all times as Christians well intended, but the main
They want to know who the family because you get your values from your family. And that doesn't fall too far from the tree. If a family has been dysfunctional, what happens often, sadly, the cycle is repeated, you know, but it's not about that you've got to know. And people need to understand that you cannot create your own oyster somewhere, your own haven somewhere your own sanctuary, that when you married to an any person, you're married to the whole family. And that's something that people do not understand. We see that individualistic is a selfish emotion. I'm in love with this person of yet. So it's my life. I got nothing to do with the in laws. And I mean, it's said, and then you
hear, for example,
a man, you know, I dealt with this case, a while ago, constantly threatening, threatening, threatening his wife with divorce. If you don't shut your mouth, I'll divorce you, I will divorce your divorce you. I mean, you'll speak in that language in me. I mean, why do people speak like that? And I understand sometimes in some cases, there are many challenges. You know, I'm not trying to demonize denigrate our beloved fathers or brothers and their husbands, they also go through many, many challenges. And what is needed is significantly needed is that two fundamental things. One is that you have what I call the necessary before reciprocal understanding, you need to understand your
husband, the nature of the work he does, he needs to understand what you do. I mean, sometimes you get picky arguments, pick up the arguments, that when, for example, if a husband
travels a lot, and he goes out, and let's say he tries to keep in contact, right, and the wife too soon as he comes home, is the writing you keep in contact with me yesterday, that day, or the other day or the other day. Right? And, and the point is what holds us back by saying to the husband also Darling, I pray your your key, I didn't hear from you, I pray that you I love you, my Daddy, why? What prevents her from doing that? So the whole thing is about entitlement, you know, that I'm married to you. So this is what you have to give me. Right? And you don't talk about what is your reciprocal obligations and responsibilities. And we have become so fragile. molana so fragile,
really, I think, in what I see, sometimes I see. I see arrogance, you know, arrogance, because of wealth. I see arrogance, because of the title. I see arrogance because of faith. Right? And when you speak to them, you know, and what happens is they look at from their values. So they look at you condescendingly and I tell you one thing, and I've learned this from life, and I think my beloved parents, Nana granted the highest status in Ghana, they gave us a core of values, you did not respect wealth, like that, you know, and Allah bless. You know, I made the whole world the multi millionaires and May Allah bless of this people may Allah bless them, because of the support they
give to our institution. But once you have a attitude, you know, Allah kaboo attitude, when you talk condescendingly to people, when you rubbish, the people that you work for, and you and I know that you know, that the perfect example. So we are living monana in very challenging times. And I don't want anyone to say that it's an exaggeration, is basically as you said, mowlana in the preamble said because we are involved in the community, because we know what goes on in the community, and alumnus give us the resilience and the strength. And I say, You know what?
Your happiness is a prayer away. We need to come down. We need to reflect where we going to
what is our relationship with our beloved
creator, what's the relationship would not be an allowance, but he's our relationship with our own selves. What's your relationship with our families? I mean, you know your your stories of vulgarity of rudeness. And then when a child grows up in that environment, what would you expect? What do you expect? And Allah is a merciful Allah is a loving Allah is an Allah, that is everywhere. And Allah,
that he wants you to be optimistic and Allah that wants you to pray, and Allah that
when you bow down, you prostrate him with open arms.
Because we want things immediately, we do not realize how Allah works. Allah methodology. So I really, inshallah, and we need to talk about this.
Okay, so there's so much that we have to talk about. It's 26 minutes after 11 you're listening to
mashreq on ladies and makers this morning as per the lease camisa. We are speaking about different social issues, particularly the condition of the math today. And just by one, one more thing that I want to bring into discussion is images. Speaking to my wife this morning, I realized
the year is already one month down in the end of January already. You know, we just felt like it was last week Thursday, before we realized it Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday at Cornell ready it's already Thursday. Well, that's, that's a positive at least I can speak to you more often in this way.
You see that I long as you don't say Maulana the day you say, America in nightmare, you know, then I'm gonna go for counseling.
But the days are going too fast. If you say that's a basic thing, we're going so fast. And we've got so much claims and so many hopes for this month, the next month and so many plans for the month thereafter. But, but things are just seeming like they're going too fast. No, not really. That's, that's so true. You cannot believe it, you know, and therefore, you know, it's a it's a lesson to us that we must have language and get up. I mean, there are people who get up with no purpose in their life, you know, they go through their whole life. And suddenly they realize, Oh, my gosh, I'm 60 I'm 70 What have I done and and then now we speak about the two R's, the recklessness of youth, and the
regret of the ages. And so this is the whole point about saying that, you know what, let me take a firm grip on my life. Let me lead a purposeful life. Let me fulfill my personal obligations, let me fulfill my obligations to my family, let me fulfill my obligations to Allah. And if you are not going to do it, if you're not going to have a diary of sorts, and say, This is what I need to do today, inshallah, because in the end, remember, the outcome is in not in our hands, but the processes are in our hands. And if the outcome is not the desired outcome, then you need to reflect you need to introspect and see what you need to do differently. You see, and these are important the
what you are saying is so true. And that's a fundamental part of who we are. And we need to do something about it in
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eight minutes to 12 Welcome back to our mashreq upon Islam, it is by coming back to the discussion that we started earlier on
the condition of the math, the difficulties, the challenges that the mind is going to through the
tests that we are facing, and how to get through them how to get past them, this may the basic, there has to be some basis upon which we structure our reformation, there has to be some basis upon which we build up the oma from here on and in what will what would you suggest that to be? No, no, under the law, I think there are many things that can be done. And you won't believe it or not, I haven't even touched the tip of the iceberg of what they will do this week. But the tip of the eyes, but I'll tell you something, I feel inshallah in in about two weeks time on the seventh addressing the AMA shuara in Durban, and my topic is about, you know,
the sub theme, the most important thing would be Nagisa. Now he was filamentous mercy on to all mankind. Now, the one thing we discussed are the internal issues within the individuals and families. It's also about the image we have, for example, even in our own country, and our Nabi sallallahu, wasallam was a merchant on mankind. What does it mean? What is the understanding of that concept? What was his relationship with people outside the faith of Islam, and a whole range of things we need to discuss, because my concern is that none of our institutions must appear
to be self serving, or insular or isolation. And it's important, the products are the
usual product, but the charges that come out of our schools or institutions, they realize they have a role to play, the image, they protect the relationship dynamics with outside community, and so on and so forth, must promote the beauty of this game, because it is a beautiful beam. It's perfect. And we need to, you know, do that. And let me give you an example. I don't know if I mentioned this before, I was hosted by a, a group in Manchester, when I went, but I stayed.
One of my friends, friends that me, I asked him, you know, please, I'm looking for accommodation, maybe I suggest I say, give me a virtual name, whatever. He said to me briefly, you know what you Your friend is, my dear friend, I insist you stay with me. And unbeknownst to me, that time, I heard that he embrace Islam.
And his wife, she, I did not know she had also embraced Islam, inverted commas. She was a I use the word because of the politics or not rather, because of her own background. She was a white police woman in Manchester. And because she often used to deal with some issues impacting on the Muslim community. And there was a young girl who came to her and was complaining about the oppression of
a father and you know, how restrictive he was how abusive he was. And he said, you know, that let me do a kind of research on who Muslim diamond.
Is she says that does the fate make them do these things for what it is? And you will not believe it? When she began to read the seeder of Nabi sallallahu sallam, she embraced Islam immediately. Immediately, immediately, right. So there's a point the point is, there's no there's a big discrepancy between what Islam is all about.
And what we are all about as Muslims. And that's a huge, huge gap. And I think it's important for us to become more self aware, to make sure that the values we espouse are not antithetical to Islam. And we need to do that's one aspect. The other aspect is, I think, as a family unit, we need to come back together with the Father is the meat. Where are these children, this communication, where there is a demonstration of the love and hugs in your home, where there is a dynamic, meaningful routine with your family values and family goals, we need to do that, because what is happening, each one of us is doing in his own way. And sadly, also, you find that even uncles and aunts are not playing the
part they ought to play and be supportive of each other in this kind of situation. So that's another The third area, I think it's important is that all of us and we are told to die before your death is to reflect on your life. And ask yourself, who am I? Where am I going to what do I need to do, and we need to do that, that is important reflection must also take place. The fourth thing that this will take place, and it's important that we need to share the pain to share our anxiety. So family members, and the community can help us go through this because one on top of that, at the best of times, you know, being an adult, as you know, is the time of decision making a you know, and people
have the low moments, you go through anxiety, and so on and so forth. I think it is fundamental, that we need to understand that. And the fifth thing I think we need to do is that we need monana sadly, you know, we I find the severe, you know, I am I'm loath to generalize, that people are not prepared to have robust debates, you know, to talk about issues, and we want to just be sometimes we feel it's an obligation, because he is so and so that we need to agree with him, you know, and when you disagree with an individual people around and get upset, he himself gets upset when they what they use, you know, feedback, we get a when feedback is given, you must be deceptive, you know, was
he prepared to reflect on your own values and attitudes? So these are some things that have to be done. And the last point I want to make in this regard, I think as a collective, we need to do and ask ourselves, where are we as Oman, South Africa? Where are we going to what should we be doing?
that we need to look at the like to welcome our listeners to call
and it was very thing we had a caller was waiting on the line is just trying to see if the call is still the assalamu alikum
walaikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakato. And slowly come to my seniors to display a new modern alginate and and
to keep you waiting, it's understandable. It will say,
what do you want to say is, you know, and parents have conflict in front of the children. It affects the children very much. I don't have children. I'm an expert teacher. But a lot of observation, of course, that the children tend to become quiet over the years. You can see that on the faces and it does affect them. And and another thing is tell me save people's lives. They don't want to be together, right? They want to separate because two children,
too sometimes I feel Tony can come out of love also. And what advice you give them tell me I'm taking too long and you stop No, no, no, you're welcome. Sorry. I didn't hear that.
Children Hello? Hello. Yes. Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. Separate the children
can make it together. What advice would you give them to hold on? And then you know, I feel what you said about values I reiterate that my parents gave us such beautiful values no University could give it to us. They are like random gender kiddos and raise the status and gender in another thing what mother in law's Why is it always mother in law is a corrupt person you know the bad one? Father nice to sweet right? When the mother no play with her son's children, and she's so happy to love them have them. But she forgets that the daughter in law bought these little pads. And I find this also very ironic. Oh, please comment. Flower liqueur.
Yes, one other brtc these four points, you know, I can remember. The one point is she asked the question why do husbands and wives fight on to the kids now
I got no issue when the husband and wife disagree. But the disagree agreeably in that way, what happens when they show respect to each other, they speak with dignity and accord without shouting the other person down. It's not about scoring points, because then we may keep the witness to this, realize that in life, you and your spouse, don't have to agree on everything, but you must not be disagreeable. You must not be abrasive, and you must not be rude as one. The other issue she spoke about, you know, I, I know when someone says that the couples may feel the best thing is to pass. I met a couple the other days, I asked her,
tell me, do you think you have done human, you did everything humanly possible. You know, in this marriage, she said to me, I thought I did everything humanly possible until I met you. So it's important, the suggestion I'm making this only if couples have gone through a counselor, they've been through the process. And they realize, you know, that they did everything humanly possible, the best thing is to separate. And I remember was once called the Senate, when the husband and wife separate, but the father and mother are not separated. You know, and that is very, very powerful, is a divorce between the husband and wife, not the divorce between the father and the mother. So it's
important, your role as a father is something that you need to keep in check the role, the mother you need to play. And it's important that that role can really be fulfilled by a dynamic partnership, a single mother, notwithstanding her best intentions, she cannot play the role of the Father, the father, notwithstanding his best intentions, not play the role of the mother. So I think it's important that they need to be civil with each other. And they need, for example, you know, to discuss things in such a way that the kids get the best in both worlds, they need to agree also, in terms of the commonality of parenting, discipline, and so on and so forth. Right. And then I think
she also spoke about the, she said, she agrees with you, she agrees on the shared values, issues of mothers in law. Now, you know, what I I don't take one side or the other. There are instances, I know, when mother laws have been patently wrong. And also not many instances where the doctor laws have also been wrong. But the important thing is this one, they even understanding of each other and the role they play in shala. And understand that everyone is individualistic, it makes a very, very big difference. So I think it's important that before, that's why you see Milan, again, this comes to my reoccurring theme about premarital counseling, that the respective in laws have to be present,
have a discussion, and you take it from them.
So there's a great deal to
have, you know, there has to be that type of communication and mutual understanding between
everybody in the house and all families. And that is the only way that you can get some way when it comes to issues that that could possibly be a cause for dispute. GGG. And so I'm very thankful that the person in this phone now and to shed some issues, so we could respond to that in under in
interest by having coming back to our discussion and what we were speaking about earlier.
You know, we when it comes to marriages, there's always great challenges when
the couples cannot agree on one particular thing.
You know, when there's maybe a dispute like this lady speaking about this, you know, you would find a situation where the husband would have to either choose between his parents and his wife, or the other way around as well. There's, there's always gonna be challenges like this, and how, what advice would you give in this regard? You know, what, I think you know, what, a one has to be realistic. And I think one needs to understand, I think when you think that you will get married to someone and begin to agree on everything that you say and do that I find that problematic because you're not perfect anyway. Right. So in that we are very, very boring marriage anyway, it's about
how you deal with that one level. The second important level is this is to once you have a realistic perspective, you know, unless the disagreements is when you are disagreeing and clouding, one of them is flouting the Sharia. And I think in person, you know what I think this is the way to do it and I am comfortable with it, even though whatever the person is wrong is another matter altogether.
Back again, about shared values in terms of saying, This is our reference point, this is what you need to do. And perhaps this is the individual talk to, to understand, to have a clear understanding of what's our respective responsibilities. And, you know, what is the point? The point is, I think and as parents bring up children, they need to communicate this to the kids through their own conduct, through discussion with them, to sharing with them examples about things, making them aware and sharing good practices by other people in the neighborhood, whatever, so that when the children are exposed to them, they get married, they said, Yes, Mommy, I remember mommy at that time when
Papa was upset or whatever, and you learn from each other and it's important for us to develop the skills to have the right kind of found hard
to keep from being
able to take a short break again and we'll sit for five minutes right Okay, so let's let's let's wrap up in the five minutes and then we can take the break after that.
These were the last few words of advice inshallah
manana we give so much
advice here and inshallah you know, we want we really want people to receive the advice openly and instead of pointing fingers other people, we need people to reflect and I'm saying brothers and sisters, let us not be blind to what's happening in our communities that have not be blind to the pain we might be giving our families let us seek Allah's guidance. Vegas forgiveness and what we need to do as a collective as the oma is gonna be reminded us what the pigment patches affect the rest of the body. If you're not affected, reflect on the man alive then they open your heart frustrate to him cry tears of blood, inshallah make dua for the oma and yet you know what we want
globally, Syria every other part of the world inshallah Allah give us 10 Allah always bless your molana and your family and you take care and look after your shisha bubbling
havens for your time today and inshallah we will speak next week. Thursday in German comes quickly so we can speak again quickly and
I'll give Superman
is camisa speaking to us from Durban this morning, she come to you for listening to our masterliquid lady Islam international from Geneva Cyprus l'amour alikum warahmatu Allahi wa barakato