Tap into your potential – 21.11.2013
Channel: Edris Khamissa
Series: Edris Khamissa - Tap Into Your Potential
File Size: 7.38MB
Episode Transcript ©
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Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
Welcome to the Assam international Thursday morning in our guest with us on our program this morning is the ever moving ever. Lady brother
How are you keeping
very busy, very busy, busy.
Multiple, the opportunity every day of bringing good
people bringing people together objectifying people the most experiences.
We have an opportunity every day to grow,
to learn from your mistakes and learn from them. That's very important perspective and you have a public profile. We have people that are very critical sometimes a few good mela places and May Allah bless those who points us that it
sounds like you're on the move again somewhere.
I just come from
I do work at the school.
Back in China this weekend's family speaking about children, I was listening to another radio station on my way.
had them discussing about corporal punishment and different opinions and different people to
punishment should remain where they should be.
erroneous notion that if there is no corporal punishment, they are not disciplinary measures as far from it. And what is critical is this in life, we have to teach kids, our children their consequences to positive
and negative consequences to negative behavior. When good takes place, there must be some degree of reward. The children must be applauded. They must be motivated, they must be recognized.
When the opposite is true, there has to be some kind of disciplinary measures cannot do things with impunity. And so this is a reality. You know,
I think in our homes today, we either too harsh punishment, we are overly indulgent.
The difficulty that we are facing when it comes to family problems when it comes to
that families face the dysfunctionality
that we attribute it to what causes besides a sort of dysfunctionality?
You know, one of the things that people need to recognize that dysfunctionality has different meanings for different people. My understanding is basically a family. Normally, when you look at the word family, you're the images, the connotations, that come to mind is one of understanding, one not disagreeing agree.
This commonality of vision, the recognizing of the other, these nurturing these a positive self esteem, these communication communication of your feelings, if you love these empathetic understanding, you feel protected, you feel that second century. Now, on the other extreme, that you're living at a time that died aged through anger or frustration or whatever people carry on baggage. With these augmentation with these individualism, there is no harmony between the married couple, and the children themselves. take on the role, responsibility. Everything is a fight is McGarity, these often alcoholic abuse these addictions. And more importantly, the home itself loses
the connotation of warmth and caring. In fact, you'll feel that when you come home, you're coming to a place
of danger. And your own safety valve is to leave that home, where you cannot even express what you go through on a daily basis. And my own understanding is this. I regard the home as a like an apology. You are giving each other the effective antidote and powering them so that when they leave the home, be able to tackle the challenges of the world with their form with confidence. And with a deep understanding that every time you have a challenge outside, you can come home and talk about the challenge and the members of their family or instead of being critical of you in a negative sense will also help
To give you other weaponry, I use the word advisedly so that when you deal with a challenge, in a much more positive way, in a much more empowering way that you're able inshallah, to unleash your potential
needs to be that way people find that strength, that energy that they can recharge, and they can go back into the world. But unfortunately, they're not finding that in the home, they're not finding that peace, that tranquility, and they're not finding the support that they want, or they be so much yearning for in the home buy, obviously, this has to be some steps that a person can take in order to be able to build up a home like that, or does it just come with circumstances.
what you're saying is so true. I mean, just to give you an example,
the day the theme, some days, in people's lives are more demanding for the mother, with a strong family. For the Son whose day may be extremely demanding, he might have gone through some negative experience of a father, whose life on that particular day with everything appear to go wrong. And when he comes on, he might say, you know, I normally come, or today define some peace and quiet today, I touch it to the day, you know, and then that land, for example, doesn't get the peace and quiet.
People at the critical er, you always want your peace and quiet, and what
kind of thing can really, really create an unnecessary situation with men, for example, goes for you to dislike, and comfort to other causes. So what is important, and what you're saying is so true, it really is one of the most important things is that you need to understand there must be a reciprocal understanding of each other, and what we do. And if, for example, I understand fully the kind of challenges my wife faces. So when I come home, instead of me being critical of her, and being harsh, I need to show gratitude and thank the kids and say, that moolah, my beloved my sister Bob Lena uniform, ever you do, I cannot thank you enough, you are my strength. And therefore this is a very
important and fundamental thing, which I want to share with the listeners that sometimes woman will tell the husband Yeah, I'm like your maid, you know, I washed your clothes, dyeing your clothes for you. But that's not the point. You see, it's about us putting value on things. If for example, you say no, no, no, I'm not used made. When I cook for him. I'm helping him to do all the normal things that he does outside, I nurturing him. So I'm also contributing to fulfillment of the dream. Suddenly, a task that appears menial suddenly reaches another level. And I must cite an example that I came across the other day, you know, we all tend to
trivialize the things that we do. There was a man who went past a construction site.
And he asked this particular person, you know, what are you doing?
Can't you see I'm doing this on my paycheck and the same construction site in it someone else was also you know, looking very negative, very upset, agitated, and he said, Oh, are you Do you not have the eyes? Can you not pouring in concrete?
Same construction site is so another person smiling and listening and asking what are you doing is
contributing to a dream. We are building a shelter for the homeless people. And you seen a corner with the geometry is going to be in the corner. This is the kitchen is going to be each of them. We're doing the same thing. Each one of them had a different value to what they were doing. It's very, very important, especially for mothers, sometimes that they diminish themselves. We undermine what they do that remember all the activities the husbands do outside the home. They also be given the blessing. There are very few men today you can see
my wife, my darling, my sister, probably not as a corner for the support you give me.
My bag. I'm not saying it's not my duty, but she does it in a particular fashion. In a classy way. Becky was GD doing this doing that, like long notes. And all of those female
reward it was under no matter how much of gratitude I can show. So I think it's important for us to understand our respective roles and to understand these nobility in everything. nobility in the person that you
The housekeeping nobility in the person next to us. But what you said is so true. It's about what steps need to be taken, shall we talk about that now?
Obviously, a person wants to have a success in his life. And in me, every person can make a change can make a difference in their own lives, just with the attitude they wake up with in the morning.
Go into the world with the world with like the person who saved the building, and the different ideas of what they're putting up. Similarly, every one of us we have our different objectives and our ideas of what
it is, when you wake up in the morning, what what do you say to yourself to motivate yourself? What do you say to yourself?
You wake up with a spontaneous step.
In the other more important question, is that, does this happen every single day? Or do you have sometimes your off days, just feel a little bit low in
I get up every morning with enthusiasm. There are days when I feel mentally fatigued, physically, the nature of my work, but I energized myself because one of the things in life I've learned that you have one chance in your life, and the only thing we can control in our life is our attitude. This is the only thing you can control. And I remember once I mentioned this, I think one day I got up and had a just few hours of sleep. And then I when I was having my supper, I said to myself, you know, I'm tired. Then I said to myself, no, no, I'm not trying. I drink energized. And that attitude helped me
through this whole day. I was humbled in the end. And one of the things that he wants to
do one second.
So what happened was this, I got up in the energy. Just last week, I landed in LA, I was in Doha, and
I had the good fortune last blessing to meet Michael Jackson's brother, who will became a Muslim, Jermaine Jackson. And of course, the inimitable Mr. Khalid, you know,
you must go to his website, you know, inviting to this country, tremendous energy, tourism and family law is regarded as the most influential Muslims in the arena in the Arabian world. Anyway, I think I left for the opportunity, because they energize me. And he said to me something, Mr. Khalid said something and also demean Jackson because they grew up in a home where they had
two rooms a size of a double garage, nine of them staying together. And he spoke about the love the family, developing them. And he said to them, You know what people think their success is relative success when people come around you, and they see how great you are. He said, No, it says true success is your character. And when allies please, would you look at that? God is pleased with you. Now, we, certainly many of us, because of our egos, we want our names to be on the newspaper in the front page, you know what I'm saying to you. And you find the people that are truly successful. Those will acknowledge the people around them that acknowledge the wife and acknowledge people
around him. I was watching this DVD about this person was climbing the Mount Everest. And he said I was about to take the summit. But I said, No, I asked the first, the shepherd, and the two people from the tibbett will take them up. I want you to go up first. Because without you, I could not get up there. So true success. It's about understanding people around you. It's about people doing the right things. It's about touching people's hearts is more people remembering you for the right reasons, people making blood for you when you die. So it's about those things are not about personal history, and finding all the wealth, or being famous, but your fame. empires are really built in the
hearts of people. And we need to understand that every person can attain true success. And therefore, we need to redefine what is success and in effectuate so people understand that all of us are capable of to success. You know,
I received a message from a listener
sort of articulating the problems and difficulties that they are having in their home. And it's an ad which says that she has been living in a functional environment for too long now. In a marriage that's dysfunctional. She says, I see the effects of this dysfunctionality, my kids, I've tried every way. I played, like getting others to speak to my husband. I spoken to
myself, I've given it so many years, but I cannot stay any more, it's easier to leave and avoid confrontation. But it is to my children's detriment. They are seeing a hypocrite, someone who preaches to the world, but neglects all salon spends the entire night in watching movies. He says, yesterday, my son was playing a game. And last, he started throwing things around and saw. This is the behavior he witnesses, and he's emulating the behavior. Now, she says, I made up my mind to leave, and nothing else is making my husband realize that he needs to change. So they have performed this desire, I've made my short I was on ama, and all of those things has taken.
So many steps, he says, if
this problem is very complex, there's so many things to to explain. But my cup, my gut feeling is that my husband is in a depression, just by some words of soreness in advice for the system using
give me one second.
minute own advice is basically the following. The one is a general advice. And I'm saying this to all our sisters, whenever the the issue in the marriage, never leave it until you reach a point of frustration, when you cannot handle any more of a desperation, then you want out. The critical thing is once you assert yourself at the very beginning of the marriage, in a sense, pretend your husband said we are going through a problem, we need to sort it out. At that time, especially when the man is also finding his feet, he would respond accordingly. And
now you'll find that what the mother is saying now is not uncommon. In fact, I dealt with one case yesterday, the mother of a number of kids, she said to me, I want out. Anyway, I said to them for a while, because the husband certainly is under stress. I said you need to go for anger management, the whole range of things, right? So I'm saying to her, unless they have tried every avenue, they've been for counseling the two people for me, I decided on everything possible. And then you make a decision like this is another matter altogether. But what is important significant is this, that, you know, the way any person behaves, is a reflection of his upbringing, a reflection of his
attitude and his values. Now you find, and this is really for men. And for men, it is not so much what persona you have outside. When people feel 100 in law, you're such a good man, you know, you give lectures, you do all of those things. For me, my acid test is going to be for me that when I die, that my wife can see geologist Zakouma, forgive me such a wonderful husband, what they say about him outside is even true at home. His kindness is magnanimous he is nurturing is the respond to sensitivity to people must understand it. And what happens is also the other notion, as if I will not die tomorrow, you know, what death can come to at any time is very important for us to make
pizza from a place of tranquility and affection. So my own, you know, for her, I want you to understand that nothing happens except the rule of Allah, that Allah is not displeased with her, that her reward ease with Allah. But I'm not suggesting that she remains in that hole for the rest of her life. She needs to address it either going to bring to people and that husband needs to be confronted. And they must not be to expose him, no Far from it.
But listen, I want I want to make you happy. He wants to be happy to get in this marriage, but I cannot do it on my own. And we have to work together. And if he says to her, to hell with you, I'm not interested, then she must do whatever she has to do.
To make it easy for the system for on, ladies in husbands also working through Absolutely, absolutely. Because that notion, you know, that notion that only the men are perpetrators of it is wrong. And what is important is that the the critical thing also is that whoever is doing any harm, right? Like
he has to respond, you know, properly and accordingly.
One more point I want to make is this. There's no such thing as time like this, I cannot change.
There's always a
everyone can change. Everyone can see you cannot have a victim mentality. You cannot say okay, because my father was like this. I'm like this because my mother, not
No restaurants or colleges, except that we as Muslims, we reach an age of discretion. And we know what is right and what is wrong. And we are told about the dangers of anger. When you're angry what you need to do this time in your city, a city you lay down.
Everything is there because in a moment of anger, in one of the ironies, modernised the same people that I end up with a family, outside, they they're not angry at all.
They're so calm and collected, the staff will see such a wonderful person understanding it when he comes on me, he can do whatever he wants to do, the infinities are unacceptable.
The home our guests will be Who are we at home? What kind of individuals are we? What will our church say about us, you know what I'm saying to you. And that is very, very critical. And we need to understand that, you know,
we need to take a short break, and we'll be back just after that. Stay tuned to baby Islam International. Islam.
Welcome back to radio Islam International.
Thursday programs, our guest live with us his brother Idris kabisa.
With our discussion of
getting some sort of peace and happiness in the family,
what are the steps
in making sure that the family life is happy? You know, we've we've discussed so many times, about changing attitudes, especially
in small changes that a person needs to make.
It seems like it's either falling on deaf ears, or people are not finding the practicality and
one of the things that we need to learn is the fact that Allah is a provider, right? And I really believe fervently
Focus on the Family.
You'll find that even the risk number one, secondly, what happens to us is, we often worry about things that are totally out of our control. totally out of our control, become very, very preoccupied right? Now you'll find it it's simple steps, if you can do the simple steps to find peace of mind, you know, why should
you owing someone someone money? Yes, it is worrying that you want to pay it. But why should it be occupying your mind once you are paying your salary? Why should it be occupying your mind? She's supposed to be having some kind of a discussion with your family, why should he be occupying your mind whilst you're driving, you know what I'm saying to you.
The reality is, that is not going to help the situation. Now, if you do whatever you can, that's the best you can do. Right? And that's an important part of your life. So, we need to learn to focus. Now, those regards a family is a very critical part of their family and an important part of their life, focus on the theory of levita nobody will tell them, I would love you,
you know as the perfect model in terms of how we make it and did different things with his family and society itself. So I'm for example, going home right now, and I have
to prepare about eight presentations in the UK and about So, presentation this weekend. Now, yes, it is quite a burden of responsibility, but I will not allow that to erode me, it will occupy my time. But then we does not mean a magic the expense of everything else the days in which you are pressurized and the other and the family needs to recognize it. So the practicals The first thing is somewhat give you 10 steps of inshallah
and one we need to understand that we need to firstly surrender ourselves completely to Allah
very few of us may
who are doing that, and you ask those who give their life completely to Allah, they see the whole world opens to them, the whole world, open to Allah brings people to them. They don't have to run around looking for the rosy rosy comes to them so easily more than three. It's about surrendering yourself completely to Allah. The second step is this, is we need to manage our time effectively. Because after we're filled in the scheme of things, how much of my time you spent with my family? How much of
my work how much of for Allah?
How much of it for the oma and then you do a read prioritize your life and key, for example, whether the certain important points are making your passion for work? Is it becoming an obsession? Now, session is at the expense of everything else. So the difference is whether my crashing is becoming an option of session. So that's a time management thing that is very, very critical is about prioritizing your life. In other words, doing First things first, looking at what he is proud to do, right? But it's really critical. First thing is that he is asking people around you, asking them, feedback about you is bringing home to your wife, my darling, this might come as a surprise. But I
would like you to tell me what you think about and be open about it. I don't think you've spent enough time with us. You do not have you know, a whole lot of things and listen to that advice because what do you think you want to her life is better than being said?
My father, never spend enough time with us. So I biopsies that have been an autopsy right? The next point is this. Each one of us needs to
exponentiate every aspect that we do is to ask yourself, okay, what can I improve as an individual, right? The other very important point is that they needed to develop this whole ethic of
consultation with a family, have a discussion with a family, it mustn't be a one sided
opinion. Right? For sure. The next point that I would recognize is that you need to celebrate your family, make them an important part of your life. Tell them that you love them, hug them, embrace them every day of your life. And also create in your home, a sense of forgiveness. The other important thing that you need to understand once you spoke about the whole concept of time, you must regard every day as a bonus. And one of the things that I've been telling my father and
my father, Jaggi, you know, every time you and I
could either be one of two things, one, just one less time
and it might be the last time
you know, and if you are aware of that every day, then you will not take it for granted. You will not take your family for granted. The other thing that we need to
cover up you got to understand what is the motivating factor? Why am I getting angry? Why am I not be able to manage my life? My math becomes too stressful. And my
and my old capitalizing and my Do I Need help? Do I need my family around me? And if we can do this and the last most important point is embracing these the eloquent exam.
And if your portfolio is damaged publication,
your final words of advice
to people you know what, you know, I remember there was one motivational speaker, there are 1000s of people
that were there. He said to them on the telly something that is so obvious. And the one thing
he said you are alive, you are alive. When you are alive, you are alive with possibilities. It's about understanding we got only one life we need to take ownership and we need to improve ourselves. You need to be with a family. So my encouragement is to reconnect with your family. You know, and forgive and forgive each other. Because if a man is unhappy at home, then you can never be happy. No one else can make him happy. No one you know, he says I love course if you're unhappy at home
You know, unhappiness you seem like people can't catch up What happened to you? You look a bit despondent. And if you're unhappy in the workplace, that's okay. You can manage it long as you have a family that for centuries So please, my brothers and my sisters, I beg you, happiness is self inflicted created by others, you need to create your own happiness Allah is so merciful and when you go through it, you must admit please get some money. Please all like all times, right? This is the whole point. You only get pleased and alarm if something goes our way. We did not realize the the way our law works and the things that you know we are pining for Allah
inocula inshallah and we need to understand the nature of things that Allah was maybe hartig disease
and see no life was a hostage in your life.
There's no such thing as that we must compare ourselves to people who are lifted the notch materially but compare ourselves to those with more than us spiritually. That would be a good way inshallah to help the woman
by once again for joining us and we hope to speak to you next week.
Thursday morning, I said mid Kumara amatola he