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Tap into your potential – 18.07.2013

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Edris Khamissa

Channel: Edris Khamissa

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Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh Aslan was Ellen Omar. Welcome to the program on this Thursday morning 18th of July, which also corresponds with ninth Ramadan. My name is tohave. I'll be standing from Allah najla just as for this morning, and also we have on a line, our weekly guest for the Idris camisa. Who has joined us on the line. Let's firstly let us welcome Ravi assalamu alikum

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walaikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakato. How are you?

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How's

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peacekeeping this morning?

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Alhamdulillah, you know, we cannot thank Allah enough for his boundaries. The fact that you can get up unaided, and get up and enjoy Creation, and we are reminded every day about our purpose, that we have an opportunity every second every minute, to seek His forgiveness, and to believe in him. And Allah has given a such a beautiful gift of Ramadan. And what a beautiful gift in recent years. Yes, indeed, just name these are gone off the month of Ramadan already that he's applying also uncle Idris Yes, they are very, very, very fast. And I think of adnet Rogers up in the UK, you know, they go, I mean,

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if if star is at about four to 10, at night, you know, and they get up early in the morning, and, but Allah wherever people are, even people have the right attitude, they have the commitment to measure how long you will depart for the day, in Atlantic City, it's easy. Just to remind our listeners, if you have any questions on college receive or if you want to contribute to the program, you can call us on zero double 18541548. Alternatively, you can SMS and call the police on 0828251 double nine one, or you can SMS me 0767862984 until it leaves sometimes being disappointed, you can take a long time to get over it, you have this feeling of being completely betrayed. And it also can

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be very frustrating, you had some expectation and you do not achieve that expectation. And that results in being disappointed. So how did you deal with this type of feelings and theories? And how do you deal with disappointment?

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Yes, you know,

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it's the nature of life, you know, the nature of life promise, the heartache, the but many people who go through any kind of disappointment, whether it is a job, that it is a relationship, we feel a sense of rejection, we adopt a victim mentality. And we believe sometimes erroneously, that what I'm going through, no one else has gone through this or no one understand. No, people would understand people, you'll need to be positive about life, you need to believe inshallah, we'll get over it. And one of the critical things in life is nothing happens except with the will of Allah. So what I've done is, for example, I share with people about 10 things they should do, inshallah, to deal with

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this. One of the things that I said to them is, if you're going to some disappointment, you got to make sure that you reconnect with your family members, and you need to share with them what you are going through, because psychologists say the reading is unique, and you must believe positively, that the pain is now the pain will not be there forever. For example, you have to change the day to night, we have different seasons, you know, the times the spring, the year the chirping of birds, the flowers, you know, all of that, and a growing, understood nature of life. And if you form a child, you go into a young person, you get into a young adult, adult and you mature, and such is the

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nature of life. And I think you need to understand that. And the critical thing also is the the must not at all, forsake or pray is the number of things that can be done via the same this. I know of lots of young people. For example, let's talk about a specific thing. Sometimes, you know, young boys and girls, they become emotionally entangled with each other. And then what happens is this, and the woman, young girl realizes

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that the person that is inverted commas, has the emotion for the cancer, they have a chemistry for individuals with involved with drugs. And because she's so emotionally entangled, she finds it very difficult to extricate yourself from that relationship. And but her father and mommy understandably very, very unhappy about it. And indeed

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You know, she, under the law, she accede to the President's request, but then she does that, she goes to, you know, a Latina, josm, she goes to depression, she goes to anxiety she feels, you know, she gave up on something, you know, she loved him, she cared for him. And, and she was optimistic that we develop this particular habit. And, and you and I know that I want to, I want people to understand this, you know, it does not mean, because you love someone, it does not mean because you care for someone, he does not mean that because that is enough to ensure that you marry that person, the person's character is critical, he must be stable, he must have a certain mercy from a home that

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shows stability, the spirituality and all of these things, because the nerve itself cannot sustain the relationship. So what she must do, and depending on, I don't want to be sexist here and I will explain that we must not adopt a also what they call a victim mentality, in also the number of things that you can do there. And even I added the other point that you know, you got to change your routine, because your routine does not remind you about the other person, any work is critical. Once you decide it's over the must be absolutely no context. Not that encouraging context, this happened before that there might be no contact between you and the other person, you got to go on your life.

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And you got to believe everything will be fine.

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Yes, wonderful. oncologists are very important and pertinent advice that is moving on, just to reflect but if couples have made up their mind, and they have decided they want to call it a tea now, and do you want to separate? And then is it still necessary to go for counseling and calidris? Before they separate?

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Absolutely, absolutely in the Quran is very, very clear about the steps and one of the critical steps is that each party must call someone from their side to deal with this. And many people may think they are being irrational, they want to break up the relationship. They feel hurt. I know many of them say, you know what, I I don't love the first anymore. You know, I hate him. In fact, I despise him. But I tell them, I said have you tried everything humanly possible? You know, and and what is also important, once you're going through this exercise, you got to make sure that you speak to people who understand you can go to the stomach helpline, canine hopeline whoever it is, go to

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people involved with counseling, who understand human dynamics, because at that particular moment, it might appear to be the right decision. And you begin to fixate and fantasize about the future with someone else or future away from this year. And the moment that colossal given you my gosh, there are many people I know who we get to do we get those decisions, and, and also what is important, you must not make up your mind that I am staying with this person I know you, you don't know him, he will never tell us spoken about many, many, many times. At some point, I really believe in man's capacity, I use the one I use the word managing and extend includes woman and man's

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capacity to change men capacity to reflect because marriage is not a just an ordinary situation. It's a sacred institution, and dissension in our family need some knowledge from him. You know, he's only beautiful example in promoting this. And that is very important and what you got to understand

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in dystonia, and the dunya, Allah promised us

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they are not living in Geneva, not leaving the place where we are free from the anxiety, you're going to have differences of your spouse you're going to, it's about how you deal with those differences. You and your spouse do not have to agree with everything. So I think what's important for these couples who are reaching a point of frustration, they must understand that they need to go for counseling, be open enough and say they may be a possibility, through the counseling that we can be healed through the counseling, we can reconnect with each other. And you know what? I've come across, as I said, many cases, the people today that they said you know what, maybe maybe I should

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have gone. I have not recovered from the last traumatic experience and look at this and studies have shown

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If you are unhappy in your first marriage, they use a 50% chance your second marriage to work is 75% chances, good work. So you cannot blame your partner for everything that's all about you. How you respond to your partner, it's about your own emotional maturity is your own understanding of what your purpose is in this in this world. Now, if you want a life of pure pure luxury, you say, No, I, my husband is not giving me a luxurious life. He never took me out in all those things. It all depends, you know, on the material, well being of your spouse, so I think I would really encourage people

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to go for counseling, and go through people who consider themselves who understand the dynamics of relationships, who believe in the state institution of marriage, because sometimes, you might take advice from a friend, who's also embittered. And she might tell you, you know what, look at me, I'm so happy, I got fed up with my husband, you must invest your time. Now, every situation is different. So you got to be very guarded, who you go to for counseling, and this will be to another dimension of parents. Parents, please I beseech you know, I beseech you, even when the children come to you, please, I know you love them. But your love does not mean be blind to the possibilities of

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reconciliation.

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g time right now is 21 minutes to 12 o'clock. This is the Al machinic program and our weekly guest is brother Idris Cammisa. And if you want to contribute to the program, the lines are open. If you've got any questions on calidris, you can call us on zero double 18541548. Alternatively, you can SMS uncle Idris on 0828251, double nine one or my SMS number is 0767862984. If you have any questions if you want to ask any question to Uncle Idris, also, if you want to come on to the program and contribute, then you are more than welcome. The lines are open until it reads Now you mentioned about the importance of going to counseling. But what after counseling if there is no hope

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and partner for the couples that they decide that like the words you use their setups, and there is no hope in this marriage continuing? What is your response to that analysis? It's a very good question.

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I say that, if you had tried everything humanly possible, everything humanly possible, and you got counsel from people who understand dynamics, people who really care for you and care for institution of marriage, then it's understandable that the decision is made to separate when you know, when you know, and they have to manifest regret. In fact, a team should separate but you make one for the other person losing any kind of, you know, extra money towards that person. And when you

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know, when couples, when couples are together in marriage, when they showed the deep route, they never been upset to angry with each other, but they've got some irreconcilable differences that are impacting on the relationship. That's another matter all together. And if you did, after having done all of that, then an umbrella then nothing issue.

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jumpers receive couples are not compatible and now they decide to separate but before separating permanently Is there such such a thing called temporary separation? Can they separate for a little while and get back together and reconcile and see what will it work out again, or is a permanent separation and only the option that they have available the PCB. Now there are

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two

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perspectives on temporary separate some of them, do not encourage it. But I would only encourage it if for example, if there has been a For example, one of the partners has anger issues if you don't manage anger, or the issue of drugs or the issue of psychological abuse and all that I really believe the lead partner, you know, if the person is in fear of the spouse, then the person needs to separate and the person with the perpetrator of the psychological abuse or physical violence, he needs to go for some kind of therapy, you know, sometimes it could be a chemical imbalance and all of that can bring you into a state of calmness, and only once the clean bill of health Connect

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because I love that, you know, sadly we cannot tell our systems you know

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Summer next summer, you can only make summer after you have effected a new plan of action when you talk about making summer but before that you don't do that right?

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The new cause of action and only when there's a clean bill of health together and they can reconnect with each other, and that is important. And, you know, I'm not suggesting that people no separation is out. Sometimes it is necessary and cannot be done at an appropriate

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time right now is 16 minutes to 12 o'clock. This is the mushrik program and our weekly guest this Thursday morning. His brother is Elisa West join us on the line and brothers. Speaking about regarding social issues calidris was explained regarding how one can deal with disappointment and also his separation the only option of should he go for counseling until it is moving on further. I'm not sure if you have received any questions you want to respond to the questions received.

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Certain answer Lancer. A salaam aleikum, Mark, Alberta like to just like to note is making Nika and st separatists msmes. Now, I've heard of it before, these will be having a potential partner. However, I'm in the first year of university would like to wait until I'm ready to move out of my parents from Can you make the card to utilize your communications to separate for a few months? What are the rules to come to this? My humble understanding is that this is permissible, right? And do do my lifting correctly. That you rather, instead of living in sin, you'd rather do the right thing. But there has to be a you know, a concrete steps that need to be taken. Right. And the The point is,

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is that naturally, you cannot make mykind decide to be separate forever. And in fact, you know you can't do that is another matter altogether. Right? So I think they can do that. And I think it's important, they need to communicate this with an alum in the area. And for him to give him direction. Zach was Eliza open, if you would like to contribute to the program, or if you have any questions for uncle iSeries, you can call us on zero double 18541548. Alternatively, you can SMS and calidris on 0760828251, double nine one, I repeat the number again, as 0828251, double nine, one or minus one, Sam is 0767862984. So if we find that in a past, the marriages would last forever, and we

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find people were married for more than 20 years, 30 years. But nowadays, how come young couple after your two they are separated? Is there any specific reason for this is, you know, the Mexican vote, to be, you know, marriages across the board. And attack as it were, you find that one of the things that is really destroying our marriages, is the accessibility to tell phones that you can communicate privately to individuals that may or not. And this kind of thing, really, what happens is the use of the hearts and minds of people, there are many husbands and wives to complain that the spouse is for example, even when the boss the bathroom, the kitchen, the founder demeanor, and so on

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and so forth. And this is a very unhealthy thing. And what is he doing really, you're getting emotionally entangled something important, very, very critical that the focus must be to consolidate the marriage and to look at, you know, what we what is right? So it's important that we look after each other, that we celebrate each other, that we expect our love for each other. And you got to make sure that we did not leave ourselves open to any kind of seduction and so on and so forth. Now, the other point that you raised the point about young couples, this is an area that is also a very, very big concern, and are certainly before in a sense again, the meaning

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is longer than the marriage now, not what what is the process parents, you know, you might have this relationship with our children, a mission trip of trust with their lovers and you love them. And they know that you know you're concerned about them. But important aspect of that is that you've got to make sure that our kids go for premarital counseling that is so critical, so important, and in any way when you go to speak about the dynamics of staying together that

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I'm extending the in laws, to talk about intimacy, to talk about how to deal with conflict, to look at anger issues, to look at goals and so on and so forth. That is very important that all that is discussed. Now, when they are not discussed, what what happens is that this creates a lot of situations now, especially, if, for example, one of them grew up in a home, where they had a complete, relaxed life and easy life, and there was no stress. They've got what they wanted in assembly, there is a new dynamic at play, because people don't understand that marriage is an institution where now you can share space together, right? And how can you share the space together?

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And what it what does it require? Do you have the provenance? Do you have that understanding? Right? Really important? So I just got another question. Yeah, yeah.

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Okay.

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I got the question that I was, I was married for less than a year. I never wanted to divorce. But my extremely, without trying to make my marriage

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work so that it means I want to be happy in my next marriage when we get married again, no, 16 t, the questions are really good.

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You got to ask yourself this important question, what can we learn about your partner? What have you learned about yourself? Why? What could you have done to try to ensure that the person you choose in your marriage is a person that is suitable to you? What kind of engagement that you have?

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What kind of background information did you get? Regarding your partner? What are some of the signs that you missed? This is a no sometimes you can do all the right things. And yet you can get yourself into a marriage that is not collectible or unhappy. So it's important that you learn from your your mistakes, you also learn about another individual, because that's why I'm saying because each of the situations that you tell yourself, and

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Sister, I pray that wherever you choose again, inshallah will make you happy and is worthy of your loving attention.

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Jamba Juice, I've also received an SMS seizure in the month of Ramadan, how do you avoid arguments with your spouse? Especially when you are fasting? Yes, you know what I To me, it saddens me, it saddens me just the other day, I'm like, to three cases in one day, one day, one day and I'm one of the few people in the center, people doing the same job and I'm sure they have more graphic stories to share in the month of Ramadan that

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you must understand what is our focus our focus is to pray to Allah to make our cells in the bother in as much time now's of Allah. And the all of this can be avoided you know, the The point is, is that in the month of Ramadan, when we sit down, locked up, so continuing with this

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smacks of responsible behavior. And now it takes to clear the conflict between one person to say something, and the other person to retaliate. So, I always say it, you know, if one person becomes emotional and angry, the other person may be very, very quiet.

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Just to remind our listeners, this is the weekly program with Bradley's Cammisa

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registered for this morning. This is a monthly program and our weekly guesses for other interests camisa if you have any questions for brother Idris, you can call us on zero double 18541548 or oncolytic viruses. SMS number is 0828251 double nine one.

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If I could just go ahead and

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I know many people tried to contact me on Facebook and WhatsApp, to be honest, you know, I do not have the luxury of responding all the time. And I would encourage them to follow me directly. And that could give them a short response and Well, whatever. Yeah, I can see them if need be defining. I don't want to disappoint people. I mean, like a bit frustrated because I get some new calls and query some people. So I encourage them to rather contact me directly on my phone, and I will speak to them. The second dimension is this before you mentioned a second thing we have a caller can we take this process?

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Let's take the caller

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Assalamualaikum

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from Santa Barbara, we will be calling you for group as Barbara was patient we have one

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question I'd like to raise is

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our Muslim partners

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not practicing the Sharia way of personal note the government labor law legislation. Our Muslim workers are being treated.

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They are not even receiving payment in the month of Ramadan.

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Okay, so calling in uncle is reasonable response your questions.

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This point our

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members reminded us to pay the person before. He said the dry words that he said right? Now we need to look after our employees, we need to show them compassion, we need to do the right thing for this to be a tremendous burden for us, Dr. Cara. And you know, it's it said, if people are the employee and they are Muslim, if they are enjoying the fruits of the oppression of the workers and the workers themselves the demon bugaboo is very, very sad.

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I don't think a person is fair rocket scientists don't have to be a Muslim to know any kind of oppression is wrong. So what the Bible says is right, we must do what is right to make sure that you know, through our own conduct and media, especially with a non mystery employees, they might be drawn towards Islam, purely by your conduct, inshallah

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some personal

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finance, my husband lost his mum early this year, the key

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is to become a very change person. Since then,

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you know, a machine itself, when asked about it, to now he says, a lot get over it, how should I end this, like, these are not the same between us as they were in our sister, one of the things that down the way I mean, I lost my mother, also a few years ago, and one of the most difficult things to do is to get over the loss, your parents did not make

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me sad, who last because they are mothers, right. But also sometimes our sadness is intensified, when we have regrets, when we feel we have not fulfilled our duties towards our parents, if you feel we could have spent more time again, even more compassion. And I think that is understandable. Now, what I can understand what your husband is going through, I think what you need is to empathize with him. But what is even more important is we are reminded that

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he needs to speak about it, it will be might become the most understandable, the most refined because it helps them you know, to deal with the situation. Sometimes if you're going through depression, then perhaps I would recommend the PCs, a counselor, someone that could help him to deal with the emotions and the meanings of you know, they say you know, a parent cannot be better be pious children, you can be dealing cells by like the you know, by water there for instance, you know, after reading three codes for the maple syrup for them, that these can be done, you know, and, and he's not going to be the last and shall not make it easy for him.

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We've got one more call on the line mysterious canosa Santa Monica, by the coast Allah Jesus fella, so Christian.

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Yeah, I'm gonna listen to your question.

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I'm calling from a Sadler.

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I've just lost my son. It's three weeks now. He was murdered. He was murdered.

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It's me and my husband. He's got a young wife with two small children.

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And the saddest part

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is to explain to the children who need missing the father so much so much. And they don't understand the why he's only two years, three months.

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And

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he told me he can't speak properly to tell his mama. Mother like a baby classcraft somalisa you crutches me? Is he no further daddy? Why isn't the deadbeat coming with us? He

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you know, he's so angry.

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He doesn't know how to how can he act like you do

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Yeah

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How old is the money to yesterday My

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daughter is going to be five in October

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she asked why I love my daddy

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yesterday she is a mother money

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cell phone did

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you want to speak to her daddy? How do you explain to children

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like you know the daughter

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whoever did this to my daily level take him to jail Am I

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going to change

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my husband also he only had one son one torture

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during the project, but

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just this generic

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data file is picking up the chance

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to make to ask why you chosen

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to be with us, although I like a mother to her to carry clothes, but I don't like that she needs a mother her parents

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now

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you can miss me now let me make it easy for you.

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For your daughter know your grandchildren. And you must know that it's very one of the most difficult things is for the parent to bury child and after he lost his life the way he did. Now our value of cinema also very distant. And He also appeared and he said we are not doing it out of ingratitude but I'm very my son you know and in your life you can make dua for the family and the children inshallah The truth is own no

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lie no lie.

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What is important that you and your beloved husband and your daughter in law my daughter loves and affection inshallah and give them all the guidance and very important it's a big test on demand and nutrition you know, the the idea of the world and its reality is an opportune time also you know to talk about to talk about the Antarctic people in different ways and then play there as the big one talk about

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the teasing Jana inshallah and I make dua inshallah, that you know

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and now not just to test us with our health and our wealth and our families and inshallah, the month of Ramadan kind of forgiveness and of mercy and inshallah Nigeria extension.

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time right now is 12 o'clock. So, continue with the program next weeks and just talk about your contribution contribution and those wonderful advisors who gave us

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a few minutes, I'll respond to them.

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And Allah make it easy for all of you and Allah, never forsake his band. Allah loves us so much, not just those that he loves his most beloved creations as our beloved prophet

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and tested him so much yet on the beaten olalia are strong in faith and he loves you and so therefore not give your strength to listen to the radio snom inshallah Allah remember your prayers, and I will definitely remember all of you may Allah bless you as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah

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wa barakato. That was retrieved from Isa with our weekly slot on all machinery program, which is Akuma to Uncle Idris and to all the listeners time right now is exactly 12 o'clock. Next up is our news bulletin. The after life Paradis teacher.