Channel: Edris Khamissa
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salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Welcome to Al mashreq on radio Islam International, and apologies for the delay that inshallah Allah is to join our program today by far the easiest Cammisa and we will commit to stay on the line as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Wa Alaikum. Salaam salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatu. Maulana, I must tell you, that delete call was very painful for me, you know, two people love each other. You can imagine waiting at the phone, when is he going to open it?
Can you imagine all the listeners waking up and just enter in? Mm xiety is by going to be with us today are not? No, no, no, no, you're very, very merciful. But Malala I'm telling you something quickly. Right. Before you said what you were talking about. I you know, where I'm really concerned that the minute people can fold do not sound some offering something to people, right. I'm going to give them five free tickets. The first five callers, right? And I'm doing this program next week, Saturday, October 25. At nano Memorial, they are one is from nine to 12 in the same program from two to five. Can I just tell you what it's all about is called Live your power is coordinated by all
calf by nanny my and my spiritual court. There are four of us when you speak the four or five of us used to Linda speak about abundance through business, Abdullah manaaki to speak about intention to action. Lucky the author of the book, you're the man and I'm going to speak about power speaking. So the first five callers we will give them three tickets to this program. And we we do need to the good offices of Reggio Islam. So let's talk and want people to phone Okay, excellent. Excellent. Have a piece by and what date and time is the program? Yes, they can come on Saturday, the 25th is from nine to 12 9am Memorial Hall. Right Nana Memorial Hall and then they must really come there and
they must say these are the winners from the radio SNAP program would be one that you need to start and then we'll do a similar thing next week inshallah. excellent excellent of atheists. I think that is very exciting and anybody
who wants to attend the program most definitely has to fall in and inshallah share with us your thoughts in the discussion that we will be having now inshallah has CNN and what monana is called Live your power is really it's inspirational, insightful talk and all my three other speakers and the others are very, very dynamic and inspirational. Right? Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah shuckers Mashallah. Good, good opportunity and good incentive for our listeners to call into the program today.
If you are in fact use of gender one of the speakers Westview is a cousin of mine, and definitely one of the very inspirational people that we know none of the law you know, I'm so good. No, there's no coincidence in Islam. I make use of only last year and you become like brothers Alhamdulillah he has gone through so many journeys in his life. And he spoke with passion with emotion about his spiritual journey his heart and people like that we have these again, you know, community in absolute monarchies that lucky all of them they are here as an opportunity for them to grow an opportunity for them to impact on the lives of people because a clear message monana is this it to
everyone? Each one of you has a story to tell a story to uplift, a story of pain, a story of joy, a story that you can lead a life of significance inshallah inshallah Sham and as you verify, it seems that this incentive is worth
to people waiting on the lines.
And if I am good mode, if I'm in a good mood or give it to 10 people, let's see what happens. Excellent, excellent. Let's take our first caller brother Sam assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah lot
of Mr. alikum.
And I want them
us know that it was Sam, I'm an anonymous caller, but I'm also waiting to try to get the tickets inshallah. Oh, Mashallah.
Okay. The sister can either come on Saturday, the 25th come at half past eight to register, or she could come half past one for the afternoon programs. She has a choice of either of the two. Okay.
Can you leave your details with our engineer for the summer we'll take down your details and inshallah we will send the confirmation to you as well.
Okay that'll be fine Can I do that
anyway more than I put anonymous and she can just assess for phone reception and give the detailed GLP you can call it perception that event detail is interesting. Your name down
we have another caller also waiting on the line as salaam alaikum folly Calista mouth
she welcome sister follicle slam
it this way this is a second follow up tickets inshallah. inshallah okay in what we do monana I think let us have a discussion for us. They must find some say about
say from about 10 to 12 onwards. Okay, let's have a discussion. Or she can be read No, but anyway sister your phone now? We are you falling for the tickets you also got you on right you must find the station and give them your details. All right. Okay. Right. Sonico
Okay, so that will not get anywhere and never carry on with our discussion. Others will be taking follow
the track Yes, very interesting and important certain and discussion that we need to go into in the little while remaining. And management is a new word that I'm learning
between parents and children, perhaps you could elaborate for us. You know, molana is something that is so, so powerful. And I'm so glad that you're sharing this. And it's important for fathers and mothers, daughters, sons couples to listen to this. And measurement by the word and mesh suggests you are entangled. Like when you For example, mollycoddle your children, where you make your children so dependent on you for affection for everything, that suddenly what you find that even when you have grown up into an individual, you are still tied to your mother's apron. Yes, we love and respect our parents. But when you get married, it's also the the degree of independence, where
you should be able to stand on your own two feet and make some decisions. Of course, you want to have szura with your family, but you must not be torn between satisfying the needs of your wife and satisfying the needs of your parents. And I have found there are more and more children that have become so dependent on the parents are not even take one step without their support and the wife You know what I'm speak my mother about persona, speak my mother about these words. And this really creates a blur, it creates a lot of negativity, because people must understand, parents must understand that we love our children, but you mustn't smother them to such an extent that you do
everything for them to such an extent that you rob them of the independence to such an extent in fact,
Milan ambitious somebody with you.
I also deal with the issues like sexuality issues, I found that one of the signs one of the even homosexuality, I'm gonna put my head out here and I'll say this is also emanates when, when mothers smother the children with so much of affection, that the man almost loses visibility, his masculinity and therefore, he feels so a feminist that he wants to instead of looking for relationship in marriage, with the opposite sex, he wants same sex marriage. So enmeshment is a very dangerous thing. enmeshment is something that is can be insidious. And measurement is when the the the parents exerts so much of control so much of control, that the child itself cannot do, what
adults should be doing.
there's two sides to it all obviously, the one side of it is that as a child, you have to keep on respecting your parents, you have to show that affection kindness to parents, they have to make Mashallah and take my shrine. So as of your sisters, can you answer to things when you want to go ahead in your life, and that's the Baraka of having parents and especially aged parents. But on the other hand, this enmeshment that you are speaking about is the extreme of this for something completely different when a person now feels that they really can't move a step for chanting any steps in life. Without the gap not only depressing, but I would say without the approval
Have a parent. Yeah, you see, that's the point. The point is, we're not saying we're not talking about independence way, you do not communicate with them. It's about it, they feel it, they feel a sense of guilt when they do things, even though, you know, they're not required of them. And I'll give you my own example, as I'm vanilla Alam vanilla. You know, Allah bless all our parents, and I really missed and loved him so much, so much, may Allah grant him the highest status in Jana. And I recall, you know, our my appearance allowed us to make independent decisions. And, and I should tell them, my father asked me briefs, have you read the secara? Have you spoken to your friends whom you
trust, you know, and that kind of thing will never say, you know, what, I and I, and I, and all my brothers Alhamdulillah, you know, the, they made independent decisions in the sense that each one of us is different. And the point is, we got the blessing of our parents. But when you feel out of control that you cannot even do the slightest thing that you do is almost a kind of control, as it were, like, it's almost you're torn between your wife and your mother. It's almost, it's unnatural, you know.
Now, if you say, in cases like this way, obviously, people firstly won't even recognize or even realize, whether they are committing
as well, once you are once you could call it a crime, we would call it this practice of this method of enmeshment. How does a person perceive and recognize that they are doing that? You see, in most instances, they will not recognize it, because it almost becomes instinctive, it's become part of habit, and natural thing that you know, the kind of things away has been brought up in whatnot. And you find that you see, therefore, if you look at the Islamic broad principles of parenting, it's about the first seven years is bonding, fun seven to 14 instruction learning after 14, you become the chance confident. Now what often happens it is the partner who observes the partner does not
know, they understand the psychological concept of investment, what the partner would say, No, I'm so frustrated, that no matter how little it is, whether it's, you know, how trivial it is, no matter what it is, you know, that I'm only going to do this, after I speak to my parents or speak my mother, or my mother, my mother, my mother, my mother, even though they are separated, physically, the umbilical cord has not been severe in that sense. And what happens is this, then, you know, people need to seek for help, and these help, and I can give people help, you know, it's a II know, it requires, you know, a certain thing that needs to be done. Firstly, and awareness, this is
happening to me, and I'm vanilla. I mean, I got a call the other day from someone, you know, at the behest of his wife, who phoned me up and said, you know, what, my wife has spoken to you. And initially, you know, and I'm sure you were shocked by what was this when you begin to understand the dynamics, you know, so it's, it's a process that needs to be involved, a process in which even the parents need to wean themselves of the children. I mean, I remember doing a poem in metric is called walking away, where the father was recounting the story when his son was 18 year old, was not going to leave home and go to university. And the words he used my son was arranged for my ob, but it was
emotionally harrowing. It was traumatic. It was so so painful. Then he says, When I looked at God's creation and look at the birth, that allowed his fledgling birds to fly, when they realize that's part of nature, you love someone you let you let them go, when I saw the Winget seed flying away from its mother, you know, I realized spice of life. So, this is a part of life otherwise what happens when you smother your kids like that, when you are there for them every step of the way, tended to every win. In other words, you make it clear to them that they cannot make a move, you know, and you got to you know, keep the bond, right, if he can the crawl, right, then they will walk
you know, you know and the fourth for the Get up and then they start running this part of life and we need to understand that Allah forbid them enmeshment takes place when the mother dies, then jelly via your son also dies with you in a sense, you know.
It is a quite a few callers waiting on the ledger to see the caller's Mona. Okay, let's take the first polish and Imani
Monica Salama Ross, Mishima.
Welcome to the program. So baccala how you have your phone for the tickets key, okay, and I'm very lucky, you'll usually make a promise you can afford me again next week to contribute to the program to inshallah, right, inshallah, okay, okay, what's your name system? Sit down for those okay? For those does that mean that what you need to do? You need to find the station back and give them all your details right okay or the other option is to make it easy you can text it to me on my cell always 28951 double 91251 double nine one your ob 28251 double nine one at least some of this program right now.
take the second color and armonico
okay doesn't seem like the answer spoiler army. They think the next caller salaam aleikum.
if you guys yeah, yeah, yeah. So. So this is the situation online. I think it's a lesson especially for parents, you know, that
you cannot insulate and isolate your children. You got to teach them skills, you know, to make decisions but decision making, how to make decisions in life, that they have choices how they make those choices. So these are important things.
As you may have any more callers on the line.
Welcome. Hey, welcome sister. Your name sister, Lois MANOVA documentary phone for the ticket g Okay, fine, you got it. And you can get my number from the station you can text me your information. And please promote the program as a lovely program
allows him to have another color salaam aleikum.
hidden for falling on the program, it is I think his last few minutes, perhaps you could just continue with our discussion, very interesting indeed. enmeshment a way of a child who is completely dependent, dependent to the parent, or
keep the child so and so under duress, that the child cannot take any step about
this is speaking about, and you're most welcome to call in to contribute our discussion. Most importantly, and 118541548.
It is a one is one recognizing it later on in life. But the way to avoid it would obviously be the way that we bring up our children and watch my wife, what advice would you give parents in Africa? Yes, you know, you know, the home is a sanctuary in many ways. But now even that notion is changed because of the social media, the TV and whatnot. My advice, basically to parents is the following.
You could ask yourself the question, what are the attributes you're like your son or daughter to have when they are young adults write it down. Now, they cannot have those attributes, if you are if they're going to be dependent on you. If you want to develop in them leadership, if you want him to be a man if you want him to be a person that contributed to society, and if for everything a becomes dependent on you, then you're not allowing him that. So I think it's very, very important that the father and mother need to develop
they need to encourage the child participation and growth you know.
We have a caller on the line from Roshni Assalamualaikum waalaikumsalam. Last
You fought for the ticket system. here Did you find of what's your name sister, Sophia, Sophia. Okay, Sophia, what you can do, you can text me your details. You can get the number from the station and we look forward to seeing you and please promote the program as
see, it is a huge, huge thing. Yeah. So I was saying that I think what's important is this, that we got to realize that we are mortal beings, we are people that are going to die. And that you know, as you know, when you mom said it's so beautifully, that we often worry what's going to happen to our children. after we die. We should run the world.
What's gonna happen to them after they die. And I think this is an important consideration. Because for all our children, we want them to survive. They could be strong as individuals, they gotta be resilient, they got to be compassionate also, they should be able to assert themselves. Now when enmeshment takes place and there's no kind of assertion on their part, you're robbing them of this decision making you're robbing them of their manhood you're robbing them of the possibility of looking after another in marriage, you robbing them of even looking after the children of course, I do not deny the benefits of grandparents I love them I appreciate them the wisdom is there, but for
every little thing, now when your parents expect you to communicate with them or you expect to do that and you feel there is a moral obligation then i that is you know, to me unacceptable because really you are stripping yourself of your individuality and please I'm not suggesting that we are individuals we are a family we need to love each other we need to respect each other we need to have Shura even with our parents I've no problem with that. But when every little thing when the whiteness seats in the perspective of a wife for example, let's look at that aspect. The wife in US said no no.
What do you do this weekend? No, I don't know. Let me speak my father and mother about it. Even though you're on your own or even if you're not on your own Okay, it's more evening I thought about this No, no, no. Let me You may not see it openly. Let me speak to my parents about it and this is something is also in fact you know, homes amongst many things and inshallah Allah give the sense and Allah treat essentially at home with these marhaba and love inshallah, that our children grow up into young, independent adults who are the leaders of tomorrow, who are passionate about the deen who understand the power of love the power of connecting a family to other people of making a
contribution and strengthening the oma that is bleeding today.
the way we've got one caller on the line. Let's take the corner salaam aleikum qualico Salah
progresses. suamico monocle says your name sisters more as the mighty smile. Okay, your your your phone for the program. Sorry, your phone for the tickets. You're welcome, sister. And you can send me your information there and you can register if you're coming for the morning program hoppers, eight in the 25th Nana Memorial, or you could come there about half past one for the afternoon program. Okay, so what is a program about I never last night? Okay. No.
More like your permission. Can I say one more time? Yes, yes.
You are, where you are, you know, what can I say more like, anyway, is called, is called Live your power. All right, and what we have the assembly law, we've got
four speakers in shall be four speakers. And each of the speakers are going to speak about one aspect. And the first issue, Linda, who is very good in terms of business, he's going to speak about essentially, about how you can be dynamic in your business about giving in business. Then Amanda to speak about from intention to action. You start Lucky's gonna speak about he wrote a novel called You the man I'm gonna speak about power speaking and the use of again about abundance to business. So it's a short program. It's a dynamic program. It is sponsored by spiritual cause or calf anonima the coordinating the program so a mix.
Nana Memorial Hall, okay. Okay. Rama pasa tomato new. up just text me. Yeah. And you can you come there anyway, right, Nana memorialized. Okay, okay. Okay. Right.
So that's what I said. And he says, bye for your time this morning. And I'm Alana. And Shall we continue with this program, we shall discuss the details. And you know, I think we need to have a solid discussion about it. And next week, I'll share with you
the practical steps besides what we spoke about, on a daily basis, right what we need to do, and when parents see the kids showing an over dependence on them what they need to do, and when kids see that they are being smarter also what they need to do without and I'm not suggesting Mawlana my respect Mawlana that we should break up the relationship and something else I want to say very quickly. Mona, do we have any dark secrets or Malanga salamandre what's next tomorrow night it will be the MCs will be the guest speaker Yes. If you
need to make a list
meet speaking to us from Devon and chickens my studio operator this morning Bravo sama. Chicken you for listening patience from Vanessa said Imani Kumar has a lot of our castles