Tap into your potential – 25.07.2013

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Edris Khamissa

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16 minutes after 11 a cinema de como rahmatullah wa barakato masala Norma haben Welcome to our mushrik on radio Islam International Peace Thursday morning and inshallah has been a Thursday we are looking forward to speaking our guests to our guests. Brother Idris camisa in Sharma has Jesus He is the social hour and we'll be speaking about social matters during this time particularly related to the month of Ramadan in Shanghai as these slides are going to be coming up in this hour until 12 o'clock looking forward to your company and we will be connecting with Idris inshallah just after the break. Stay tuned for my second release on international the onslaught against Islam and the

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Muslim Ummah has become the pastime of not only the enemies but also those ignorant of Islam. This whole initiative is a collaboration between the Middle East and South Africa to the launch of a global educated website, dispelling the myths and stereotypes of Dino Islam. contributors to the website will be high profile Islamic scholars and the project will receive international exposure support this project by suggesting a name for the website and stand a chance to win a summer digital hamper with 3000 Rand from the Amani de fxi email your suggestions together with all your details do h h b o b at as Radio islam.co dot Z of exit 201185470 to four

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when the sun rises, it rises for everyone showing Milan a teenager sat on all mushrif Monday to Thursday between 11 and 12pm lives of ermelo Mpumalanga, the place with the sunrises regular contributions lame Alana yes yeah. Bomb Milena

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and Idris homies

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University 11 Welcome back to America very slam international in a warm welcome to our guest this morning. Whether it is me says in America wa rahmatullah wa barakato walaikum salam wa barakaatuh Milena I missed your mellifluous voice man How are you very very well from the law in this way and my sugar How are you keeping this morning? I'm hamdulillah I mean, you know I'm feeling the lovely weather in German. I'm just driving home Alhamdulillah is beautiful. Ramadan is going so fast. Allah is so merciful we inshallah we must redeem ourselves and increase our mother inshallah. inshallah. Yes, beautiful. Beautiful. Kevin. We wish we could be there. Oh, it's so beautiful. Now they've

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changed the beachfront I mean the walking and whatnot there's so so many bright lights over there and Durban will rekindle its

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number of visitors inshallah and I look forward to inshallah hosting you Maulana inshallah, inshallah, we hope to visit you soon in Durban in this way.

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It is very, you know program today we are first going to look up as usual, on all the social cases that you've been dealing with the mcgavock current worries in problems and issues that are facing the oma and maybe something on the positive side as well.

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some positives about this Omar during this month of Ramadan inshallah, inshallah. But before I do that monana, could I just speak about the teacher tribute? I think it's important also,

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why I only speak about this enough people often ask me, do I find a change in the way children are reacting to teachers and the parents? I recall in our days molana, that when we wrote our metric examination, and after we wrote the paper, the teacher was standing there, we went to him, we thanked him profusely, and there was this gratitude that was, you know, imprinted in our hearts and minds of our parents. And we had that kind of dynamic relationship. And Alhamdulillah you know, the entries coming in are very gratifying. But I really believe that any individual to speak to him or her, I don't think there is an individual who can say that his success in his life is attributed

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purely to him only to his family, I'm sure he is able to recognize a teacher, a teacher who taught him a teacher, that is find the matrix that gave him hope. And you know, inshallah, it's my prayer, that I would like parents to encourage the children to, when parents themselves show gratitude, inshallah, it makes a big difference, you know, and that's very, very important. And children themselves must understand a rich respect. They teach you that I'm sure there are many young people there who are able to do that inshallah. inshallah has Yes. And this mere acknowledgement of a teacher, that in itself inshallah it would be gratitude towards the teacher and it is sugar because

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Allah subhanho wa Taala has sent the greatest teacher sama sama, Halley's comet, we constantly make sugar for that. And every learner, I know, I also have numerous teachers along the entire journey of my schooling career and my Darul uloom life in my madressa life, also in the afternoons that we still have during school, had numerous pieces, and I think every single one of them played a great, great role in in molding me and in shaping my life. They absolutely and what he does, you know, I know teachers don't do it for gratitude. And when they know that change children, they can't

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publicly acknowledge what they do, but it does, it heightens the passion, it rekindle the love for the noble profession, which are professional prophets, you know.

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And we make dua to Allah to accept all the efforts of the teachers and that Allah subhanho wa Taala make the learners that are current and the learners to come also greatly appreciative of these teachers. inshallah, inshallah.

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It is by Yes, issues that you are dealing with. He is Maulana, you know, it seems that every Ramadan is getting worse.

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Less we look at the negative and we also look at the positive.

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Like do you find that? Firstly, there are some general principles that should govern the way we respond to situations. One of the things that is of great concern to me is that often, I don't know whether it is a shamanistic thing. It's a male thing, I am not too sure about it, that whenever there is a conflict, you find that the man is reluctant to go for counseling, because he says that he tells his wife, you know, us fall not me. Even if he perceives the fault to be the wife's fault. I think it's important for him to come together with his wife. And because what message is giving them is that you know what, I love you. Okay, I, I, in my mind, I think you are causing the issues.

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But I'm here to support you because this marriage, we are in it together. So I would want to be the mental attitude to change one. The second thing I want people to change, even though you might be a victim, he does not mean they should allow your pride to say Well, I'm not going to make the first move towards asking for forgiveness. Well, he I'm only partly to blame. I'm not prepared to take the step. Yet a certain individual wants the marriage to work. Now, I want parents to understand this, you know, it's not about the scoring points. It's not about our pride. It's not about Oh, if we go to their homes, they think that we are you know, you know, determined by them or we know we have no

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credibility and no dignity. So these things are very, very important. Now, the other thing is this, I mean many men and I

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saying this to the wife? Well, you know what, it's a month of Ramadan, I want divorce, you know, but after Ramadan oma divorce you, I mean, What nonsense is that you know, you clean anxiety on the part of your spouse, and you find the children who are often the victims of this year are never the same. And the last part again, just before I cover one of the most serious problems is the fact that, you know, children, and even people never come out unscathed. One rule of thumb, I always ask people,

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if you've got a conflict, and conflict, disagreement is natural. No person can say that me and my wife agree on everything. But it's the majority, the way they disagree is a very critical thing. It's about you does not mean if you are angry about something, you need to show anger in that particular way, you can show anger in a very calm way, you don't have to use snarling words, you do not have to be mean, you do not have to say nasty things. And the other aspect that is also very critical that if you have an issue with your in laws, if you discuss it with your husband, it smacks again of immaturity and insensitivity for that young husband, to tell his mother, he says, You know

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what Fatima is saying about you, I mean, this year, is a terrible, naive way of looking at situation, because you access the bait in the front, not making it easy. So these are some things that people should be wary about. And that's important. And then and the other thing regarding all of this is that you must never give up hope in Allah as mercy must never give up hope in each other, he must try to rekindle the chemistry, the love that we have for each other, and look at the possibilities of what we can do together.

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Okay, so it's a whole long list of things. And it is by you, around the last through the interaction that you have with different people in different capitals, and the problems that people come to you to, to help them with you, you get this vast wealth of experience and humbleness from, from dealing with all these different type of people. And I'm sure, if we consider any, please think carefully. And you know, in a sum all of these things up, they could be perhaps maybe one or two essential items or things that

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just basically if we just had to change that, it could change our ways completely. I think there are a few basic things that needs to be done. The one is I think we must have realistic expectations when we get married. Number one, the second critical thing is this, you must there must be some basic, you know, etiquette, social etiquette, the way one social etiquette must be, if for some reason, my partner is unhappy, right? And I must not respond by being angry. If one person is angry, the other person must be quiet. The other critical aspect is this, I think, for me, the most important aspects is that we have removed Allah and our beloved resoled from the equation, we want

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to get all of our happiness in this dunya we want our marriage to be idyllic and utopian, almost, it is a we are in heaven. And because of this, I think that creates a lot of dynamics. And the last point regarding this and you can explore each one of them is that our inability to deal with conflict, our inability to understand who we are and what we do, you know, so these two things, I think inshallah we can look at each one of them, you know, separately, we can talk about it, I think and I'm glad you're you're bringing down to a few fundamental imperatives make a big difference. Yes, it is. I'd like to welcome our listeners as well onto the program and keeping these points in

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mind. Perhaps listeners could share with us the experience in pay methods perhaps to the USD and that they

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able to

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that they implement in order to overcome these difficulties in order to make sure that the relationships successful the SMS line is 0731738461 and the number you can dial in zero double 185415485 Ziad is my engineer, and inshallah he will be taking your calls today. It's his way perhaps just

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A brief list again of the points that you mentioned and listeners could SMS in decline and cushy resorts in decline is, I think the near four, five very important aspect is about how not only communication is how we communicate is very important. The thing that is critical a part of communication is not only articulating what you feel, but also being led to listen with empathy. And there is a tendency, you know, they say the person gently would adjust most of the talking is the person at fault. So do we sit back and try to listen to the other? That's important, right? The other aspect is this. Have we decided? What are the rules of communication? When there is a

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difference of conflict? How do we raise the difference? And when do we raise a difference? When the third important aspect is the issue of having, we tend to have very unreasonable expectation of marriage, we want it to be in this dunya. We want it to be utopian ideal, where every day you are in a Gemini, as it were. And the last point and we spoke about is that we remove Allah, limitless Islam from the equation. And sadly molana what is even more worrying is that I dealt with one case the other day, for example, when even when the woman was in it, right? She became intimate with someone else. Can you believe that?

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Even in the intimate period, you know, you know, this is the things that are happening. And we're not saying we are, we are angels. What I'm saying is that it's quite clear, that, you know, if we open our eyes, if you look around is definitely a moral degeneration was the Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah. The many wonderful examples of individuals who not withstanding all the temptations, have, you know, shown dignity and decorum and made sure that not compromise on the institution of marriage, and our young boys and girls are growing up in a world of instant gratification in the time of seduction, with tailoring images, and it's about how we can ensure that we develop in our

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children a sense of taqwa a celebration of the institution of marriage, how we are able to teach them, how to deal with differences, how we can make sure that we prepare our children for this noble, noble responsibility of either being the man of the house or being the matriarch of the mother, and this is a fundamental

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way we're going to have to take a short break now and we'll come back with our program just after that inshallah Aziz it's 26 minutes before 12 listening to our master comrade Islam International. Stay tuned we'll be back just after this. Come to man spice for the following system specials. Blue diamonds by damn 90 rounder kilo Castelo saffron 10 by one gram 199 Rand to Quito farm gold pure ghee 105 brand, fresh material and Medina dates in stock. Zack has samples from 150 Rand samosa containers three 460 Rand open every Sunday from the 26th of June to the end of Ramadan. That smell of spice 33 Concord places in Asia behind Jamia Masjid, in a world constantly being torn apart by

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into radio Islam

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Welcome back to our mushrik on radio Islam international it's 25 sorry 21 minutes before 12 and my guest this morning is it is Coming sir it is welcome back to the program. We Angela always good to be back

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had a lady was trying to call in but unfortunately the message wasn't getting to me from my engineer and I would like to request the lady to call back and inshallah we will speak to you as soon as your call package Allah

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is like taking taking a step through those issues that you raised one by one inshallah. Yeah, okay. The first issue is about Okay, okay, sorry. It is my Sorry to interrupt you there before we even start. I got a message now the lady is waiting on the line. Let's take the corner Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah. Wa Alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu manana. I just want to say to everybody out there, we must remember that the Muslims before anything else, and if we imitate the kuffaar, how they live, began to be raised up as the Kufa. You know, we have such a beautiful book that teaches us everything of life itself. So, yes, you know, let us just take a step back and think, what is Islam

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all about? And they'll be much happier, and you'll be less problems

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with your gear. Yeah, I think it's, you know, it's so simple but so profound, you know, I think you know, Islam.

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I think we know it's a comprehensive way of life. In every facet, every step we take our Navy SEAL, allow some of the finest exemple the Quran came as a guide to all of us. And if we do all of those things, then, you know, we will not have these issues around us. And because we have forsaken that we have forfeited the life of lobbyists that allowed us to them, we give it a very glib response.

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You find people from different parts of the world, tried to smear the beam, or try to demean the visitor allele or seldom react the way we do very, very angry and very, very upset, and so on and so forth. But the reality is, to what extent has he really embraced his lifestyle, embrace his methodology, embrace his love for Allah embrace his love for the beam, and the many other dimensions to it, and it's an important opportunity and month of Ramadan, to reflect on who we are. And so that's all the noble habits that we have in Kindle, in the month of Ramadan, it must become an integral part of our life inshallah. And therefore, I find it terribly, terribly disconcerting, that

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people still in the month of Ramadan, will have conflicts and issues in their home.

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When being the month of Ramadan has to be a month of mercy, Allah subhanho wa Taala, as Mercy is vast and increased in Ramadan, Allah subhanho wa Taala forgiveness is increased in Ramadan. And Allah subhanho wa Taala frees people from the fire of janam in the month of Ramadan, you know, surely we can take a lesson and draw some lessons from those attributes of Allah subhanaw taala, to see that, as well in the month of Ramadan to show mercy to our siblings not show mercy to our spouses who show mercy to our fellow humans, as in the month of Ramadan, at least to forgive others. And forgive our family members, forgive our brothers and sisters forgive our wives, and as in the

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month of Ramadan, to free our hearts of all type of medicine, hatred, and, and all of those things. And just with this hope that you sound like we show these qualities to others, then Allah subhanaw taala will perhaps have mercy on us. Yeah, that's a really good point. Because many people have this notion that it was the month of Ramadan, each one of us tries to develop in a chakra, increase our ibadah, we increase our stickers. We also simply pick up inshallah we do all of those things. But it does not mean that we are asked to neglect our conjugal responsibilities that we must, you can be harsh, tell the wife, you know what, I'm sorry, I'm going to the mosque now fill up with you, and

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you sit in a mosque, they

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can't do that. Because it's a way of life. Yes. And one of the ironies is that it was rather, the thing about Islam with this issue, or the ability or minutes or more reason why you make sure when it comes to your relationship with people, that must also improve. And as you rightly said, it's a time when Allah wants to find excuses to forgive his Bandha He wants us, He wants us to be closer to him. And relax, many of us do

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not interact positively on your relationship with your family.

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If you stay in the positive, especially on the positive side of it during this month of Ramadan, do you find people who are responding to the counseling that you are giving them in saying that, you know, okay, I make math and I'm sorry, and it because it is Ramadan, I don't want to hold any more hatred or malice, and I want to be a good person.

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unreliable example. You know, I've, you know, every day, depending sometimes three people whatever you need to them, and then you tell them, you know, brother, I'd be making this particular demand on your wife. While you know, it appears to be a justified one. I said, Why don't you not, you know, leave that in the back burner? I think what you need to do is to restore the confidence and you know, human being to her and the family. And you know, there are many people who are responding. You see, what happens is this, the moment it becomes a scoring point, then there are no winners, the winner and a loser. But the No, not even that. What happens is no one can win because when both of

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you become losers, so many people are becoming receptive. And I think many people have forgotten that they have the capacity to change. Many of them have forgotten that their husband or wife also has the capacity to change or forgotten that we are human beings make mistakes. We are fallible, and many of us have forgotten that the bottom line is so merciful. Why can we not show the same kind of mercy, so many of them are responding. They fear the kicking advice and they're prepared to do

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engineered themselves. And, you know, as almost didn't invent themselves, and to be the loving, caring husband they're supposed to be, or the loving wife, they're supposed to be.

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The question that I had the other day from a person with, with regards to the month of Ramadan, and with regards to the problems that they are facing during the month of Ramadan, is about the teenage children, and you know, these children that are entering into early teens, and it's the struggle that they have was trying to control that child, like the child would be given an instruction or have a task to do, for example, completing homework, and the child will really Telly and do everything else be easily distracted. And then when the time comes, it's late at night, video itself hasn't completed the homework, the task is not done. And then there are tensions thrown and anger

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and tempers that fly and all of that type of problems that this man is having with with the daughter.

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The children dimensions here right, reinvestigate the teenage as a field first, when you look at what the home should be doing, and

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pay difficulties. And we often speak about that, where the hormones have been all over the place. And

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whilst it is turbulent is also exciting, because going to young adults, young males and females, you'll find that it's apparent when they begin to compare before before the teenage years, the mother and father were the most perfect individual came across. And when they speak to their peers, the peers, say things about their own parents, who give them lots of freedom. And I'm not saying justified, and they say, Oh, my gosh, Why can't my parents be the same. And as a result, they react with anger, they show frustration, because they also at this stage, wants to bring up into young adults, they have a very naive understanding of what adulthood life is all about. They want the

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thrill of adulthood, but they don't want the concomitant responsibility. That's one aspect. The other important aspect is that when parents, you know,

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let the children and did not guide them and support them, and did not have a culture of learning and growth. They do not have family rituals, family goals, family values and family routines. And so need to impose it on them. Much later, it's going to be very, very difficult, especially in the culture of instant gratification. But he takes it a routine. And as a rule, I know for example, you know,

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teenagers are difficulty as I know, for example, in some homes, they, for them, it's very, very clear

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that you know that the kids will do the homework at a particular time, parents will be there to support them to do the homework, and the homework is given on a Friday.

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due on Monday is given on Friday, where the homework is all finished on Friday, all written work is finished on that Friday. So at least you got to implant make it an integral part of the family, so that it becomes almost natural for people to do that, because they mimic adult behavior. And you cannot, for example, you know, suddenly impose yourself on them. And I think it's an area that many parents will not understand the whole issue. You know about adulthood, I mean about teenage years and all of that. So I think there are two dynamics. Firstly, you need to understand teenagers. The other thing that we need to do teenagers are not born to be the earliest that we need to create a

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culture from when we can be supportive of them, because we make sure that we have the right disciplinary measures in order to ensure that these commitments if no commitment is compliant, there has to be consequences and accountability.

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Yes.

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The other aspect that we had issues with respect was concerning money management among teams. And we you know, taking that into adulthood as well, to be able to manage money and to be able to

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budget yourself to ensure that you have sufficient at the end of the month to save yourself from debt. I know we had programs on this previously as well. How are you finding this issue and are you facing people coming to you with similar type of problems? Yes, we are. You see this point. And money management is one of the most important life skills you can

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Teach your children. Firstly, they must appreciate money must value money. And then they say no money doesn't grow on trees. And you find that.

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Like, for example, and I learnt about the issue of money. I remember some years ago, many, many, many, many years ago, my father one day asked me to do to the artist and the sharpener led us out for a few hours, you know, I stood in the shop there, and didn't mean I sit myself liquidity. This is sacrifice my dad makes for us, right, there was one aspect. The other aspect was Monday, you know, my father said, Okay, today, I can order whatever order for the shop. So being a young, exuberant person, I ordered some fashion wear, and I don't think much of it solely, you know, and so, that was one aspect, but what I would encourage families to do is that the parents are open

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about the budget, they need to inform the children, this is how much it costs for the home in terms of the rent or whatever, in terms of the medical expenses in terms of the Petro and all of that, and they will not be fine. And we will give X amount to you. And they must understand that and then you teach them how they need to utilize that money, right. And, and to talk about these things, because naturally, they begin to become the value of money abroad also learn and you make it as a rule that percent of the money is

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the money given to them at charity, and give it to them as they're spending money. And this is something that needs to be done and you can do a whole program on this. In that day, our children appreciate money will appreciate the hard work they do to bring food to the table and to create a home note the needs of the children are met and proud of the project also might be to distinguish between needs and one because sadly, today there is an inversion that the people want that become the new

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Okay, that's that's beautiful advice of humble learning. Sharma has us We hope that parents are listening and those who pose the question is well, able to understand what what it is why is explaining and able to implement that in their homes as well, that is the most important aspect of that. It is by as it goes further with relationships with children, parents, of any increasingly difficult you know, just to recap, I spoke about keeping my children away from a technological devices, and the games and iPads and all the like there have Al Hamdulillah, the fruits of it. The yielding and hamdulillah sugar, there is great benefit. And we've seen a great change in children as

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well. And I would like to encourage other other parents as well, to take the step and implement this, and you will find differences in your children. If you are having a problem with them, then absolutely.

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All of us are creatures of habit.

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And remember that Islam is about gradualism,

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you'll have your moment of frustration. The kids might rebel against a change

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in the hearts over, you got to use your creativity think about selectively convincing your children why you are removing a particular privilege, or why you want them to do something else as opposed to what was done in the past. And slowly one will begin to see the benefits of the new activity. They shall not internalize it and then become ambassadors for this. And sometimes what happens? No. But if I didn't do attention, then I get what they want. And that kind of message is the wrong message to give children must know that they can cry as much as they want. But I'm the father and the mother, we are going to persist. What must be important. The children must know whatever you say to

00:39:28--> 00:39:59

them, and tell them is born out of a deep love for them and affection for them. They need to understand that they also need to understand that mommy and daddy love them actually important. Therefore I'm a proponent about hugging, loving, engaging and sharing your thoughts. And these are very important fundamental knowledge moment you see a child at things that are perceived that my father doesn't like me. He tells me this because he doesn't like me.

00:40:00--> 00:40:24

Then you got an issue as important for us to sit back and reflect and ask ourselves if I'm a childhood 13 year old, right? How would I like to receive instruction or guidance from my father? Could you say, maybe we have a caller who's waiting on languages. We just have what two minutes left? I think good thing this corner assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah wa t call center.

00:40:25--> 00:40:26

Yes, sister Welcome.

00:40:31--> 00:40:34

I'm a grieving mother for my son that was

00:40:36--> 00:41:07

murdered four weeks ago. And he's got two small children that are his size He is the son is only two years three months. And since her father passed away, the children are so angry so angry, because they can express themselves like you know, like he cry in the door if you make one or they don't know how to deal with this and be so angry. So how do we how do we tend to give them all the left if we came in they don't do

00:41:09--> 00:41:12

it and we really don't know how to take

00:41:15--> 00:41:20

Firstly, just to make it easy, I mean today on Sunday

00:41:23--> 00:41:24

initially

00:41:25--> 00:41:27

the highest status agenda

00:41:28--> 00:41:39

was just giving the children love one aspect of it I think what they need to do is you need to do more than that you need to create

00:41:40--> 00:41:47

a level of understanding that all of us would have to go to our lab in different ways number one

00:41:48--> 00:41:53

important thing is to let them know that you are there and anyone else

00:41:57--> 00:42:12

allows the children to share moments with the Father This is gonna go through the young young they don't fully understand the importance of this you know, for example, I

00:42:13--> 00:42:13

came across

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a grandchild you know, so the crops of grandpa grandmother in front of everyone to say why not help you Why should not talk to you know, they don't understand that you know,

00:42:32--> 00:42:39

time is a healer and bless you for your concern them love them, but you also an

00:42:40--> 00:42:56

important for them to express feelings and making understand that Allah loves them. And then what is the response to this patient? Can you teach them this according to their level of understanding?

00:42:59--> 00:43:01

The second so much for your help

00:43:04--> 00:43:08

to make dua for the for the young wife and the children

00:43:13--> 00:43:14

that we love.

00:43:16--> 00:43:16

And

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that, you know, now we'll never protective under a no never any one of us. We got to put our trust completely and completely completely, and it's an opportune time for you. And for everyone else, those children to like them.

00:43:38--> 00:43:38

Come,

00:43:40--> 00:43:42

Father, let's put together withdraw for the

00:43:44--> 00:43:55

afternoon ALLAH forgive my father. Granted, it was such a wonderful person, the people and bring these TV shala and everything do it Shan Shan

00:43:59--> 00:44:03

This is even for your time this morning. And,

00:44:07--> 00:44:07

you

00:44:11--> 00:44:12

know, I was you should probably know

00:44:16--> 00:44:31

assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. just gone a minute after listening to our master con lady Islam International. She came to my studio kurita this morning for this he had come, I'll be back with you on Monday. Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh