Channel: Edris Khamissa
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12 minutes after 11 Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh Hello and
welcome to our mashreq on radio Islam International. It is Thursday morning and excited to speak to our brother Idris camisa who we are joining up with after a week's break it is by salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. alaikum Salaam wa rahmatullah. We know what when I didn't hear from you last week, I felt a sense of loss.
Very, very well handled electrical disease by how are you keeping?
Allah is merciful, we cannot thank you enough for all these bounties. And then we had the good fortune of meeting people. And last night, I was at the
Jimmy jumpsuit spoke at the house in Moscow anonymous, you know, I love this thing, that, you know, he transformed his life is bringing people to the dean. So when we had the opportunity of meeting people, and the metamodel, Abram and others Alhamdulillah, you know, so we cannot thank ally enough for the opportunities every day, he has to remind us about what our purpose is, that we're gonna die, and we are exposed on a daily basis, you know, to people that we know, people who are sick, we live the Sixth Amendment, give them all Sheba. And so this is the nature of life, that we also will be a thing of the past, people will say,
you know, there speak about us in shall I say that Allah put my heart to forgive us our faults, and say good things about us, inshallah. And so that's the nature of life 109.
And this is a temporary place, and we are have to meet our Creator. And that's the most beautiful thing that can happen for believers.
And it is my the program was well attended last night, I believe,
You know, he's got
my heart is very committed, and
able to relate to people in late to the US. And because he, as he knows, the chairman of the logic knows about the challenges we face. So it gives the people hope. And one of the things
about gradualism, you know, taking slow incremental steps and doing it right. And
so things that we need to tell that good and very rarely attended them so
that they know, they use them if they're supporting this process, the project and giving hope to people far away. And
Excellent, excellent progress. And so we are blessed and humbled that you're able to attend functions in
In our program, today, we want to look at two aspects. And perhaps we just start off with the first aspect and that is
regarding drugs, drugs, and intoxicants, drug dependency, drug addiction, and the evil or the after effects, the consequences of the drug addiction falls directly on the immediate family members. They are Firstly, confronted with the different mood swings, emotional motion generally becomes physical as well. And then it takes different twists and turns their lives into turmoil. You know, we found mega huge businesses that were brought to the knees, because of one individual in the business who became drug dependent. And this is an effect on the entire family structure. And so
the family and how to deal with the drug addicts in the family.
Because when it comes to
know, it destroys not only the individual and I speak in a very non judgmental way. I don't speak as if you know, I'm holier than I speak in a very, very non judgmental way.
It also has, is there some distortion in your line. Maybe you can move around a little bit inside and get a clearer line. One second.
sounding a little bit better now. Okay?
Okay, so anyway, he doesn't only affect a indeed affects the whole family. And this is a challenge, because what happens is,
you know, it's like an emotional roller coaster, I mean, the first time, the mother and father come to know that the son or daughter is involved in this, there is a lot of anger, these a blame game that is played. And I know it's also sometimes impacts on the negative relationships to such a point that it can often sometimes creates the separation, and where they were one accused the other or even always been hard with this kid or you be too soft for this child that gets the one aspect. The other aspect is the psychological aspect of it impacts on the mind. You know, you're you're, you're you're in your mind, if you're the negativity all the time, and you don't feel good, you don't want
to go out, and then the the behavioral and the physical aspect. And, and it's a huge, huge thing, you know, and then what happens is this, and when the person that is involved with drugs, is addiction, it's so compelling, it is so strong, so strong, that many of the manifests the following behavior, they would like to the speed, they will become the biggest chairman's, they would, you know, use emotions, to get money other people, they would cheat others of the money, they would sell their souls for, you know, to get this drug or with a substance abuse or whatever it is. And really rarely, I've seen, I've seen people or literally go mad, and to a point in which the bad enough, you
know, it doesn't matter whether the child is living or dead. And this is something that has become a scourge in our community. And the reason I'm speaking about it, because I'm exposed to it, and the others are exposed to it. And so May Allah make whoever is involved with the drug rehabilitation, who was trying to get the people involved, to read about the drug and to inculcate in them sound habits, like reading Salah to reconnect spiritually to Allah. And, and my, just my one advice to all of them is that I know, you can get very angry, I know, I know, the sometimes a drug addict can drain a family financially, but you got to always stay in that relationship, stay in that
relationship. Because we mean, you don't know what could be the turning point, you know.
So the one point is always to make sure that you stay in that relationship so that you can provide that emotional support. And you can help the person in any sort of control the temptation sort of control the habits as well. For a family member, how important is it for them to educate themselves about the particular drug addict, addiction, and also methods and ways of of trying to control the addict. In fact,
especially when the issue of drug A is involved with drug addiction, the whole family requires rehabilitation and they need to be informed about the particular drug. And you also need to look at the underlying reasons, the cause, why a person is taking it and the causes can be many. And it does not mean what fits in drastically in one family was pretty drastically and another family, sometimes it is purely our job, peer pressure, you're taking something and you embrace it. And sometimes it could be because of low self esteem underneath a whole range of things. But what is important is that the family itself needs to know about it needs to understand, speak to professional people how
to manage them, and need professional guidance in terms of because it is often the going to be a relapse. Some people try very, very hard. And when they get back into the same environment again and suddenly you know if they embrace it so very quickly, and so you need to know exactly what you need to do. And exercise control when things are under your particular control. You know,
we'd like to remind our listeners that you listening to our master the Canadian stem international it is 22 minutes after 11 My name is
He said my guest for the Idris camisa, we are speaking about social issues, how to deal with a family member who is addicted to drugs. And as a family member, what must you do? And what are the things that you need to
implement or change in your life to be able to handle this person who's addicted to drugs, in a close circle, You are most welcome to SMS or WhatsApp 0731738461 can call in as well, such as Chad is my studio operators waiting for the call Oh 118541548 It is my one of the advices that I've picked up over one of the sessions with with a drug counselor was that, that you should not allow yourself as a family member to be abused.
You know, emotional abuse, sometimes even physical abuse, and you send the you become a soft target for theft is become a soft target for even extortion of money from you. So one of the things is that you must not allow yourself to be abused, basically, you need to be cruel to be kind, you see that there are two perspectives to this, right? But your cruelty
must not be pure cruelty. The person must know that these are really underlying reasons for this, you'll find that, you know, when a person is involved in drugs, and when what he would do, or she would do, they would speak to others about it and say, you know, they'll blame everyone else. And they're trying to elicit from you a an emotional response, and your immune response, you know, why are they doing it to you, they shouldn't be, you know, it's not fair on you. But when you're living with their situation, you got to do whatever you have to do. But what is important is this critical, especially in our community, our communities can be very, very judgmental, you know, and I know I've
learned one thing in life, that you know, that most of our homes are got issues, you know, we're agreed to be personal issues, financial, marital issues, drug issues, sexuality, issues, pornographic addiction, so no one is safe from this. So you must have adopted persona or the image that we are hungry, we are good, these are all these all our children, and they should pain us, and you should not be judgmental, and see whatever that can be done. So why I'm saying that, because many of us are concerned about the stigma or society in our society is a very judgmental society is a very unforgiving society. We might smile at your face, but this is all about you. This is how many
people operate in and they conduct is totally, totally an Islamic is to me sometimes far more repulsive than the act itself. So I think we need to bear that in mind. So why I'm saying this, the moment you know, the moment you know, something has happened, then you've got to really seek help. But more than that, how can we as a family preempt this, how can we the family deal with this, I think is important. Family members should not be in denial. This has become a scourge in our community, that we need to educate our children, we got to make sure that they have the good friends, we got to make sure that the value they have a compelling value, you got to create in them
the truth, Taekwondo, Taekwondo, we never believe leave their home, they know even if I'm alone, Allah is here with me. And so we make them go do all these things. It's very, very critical that we do all of this. And the point that you make is that sometimes it does happen, that you can be a target and AV can be abused. I know of instances when even when some of our sons and daughters have been at the rehab centers, and sometimes because of the softness of the overindulgence of a particular parent, that quietly come and give them money or giving the time the child wants, you know, and this is what we are doing, you know why, and you're not helping the situation. And I think
also, you know, for me, what I've learned that you cannot force a particular people someone expected to work.
What is very important, if an individual tells you, you know, what, you know, I have this problem, I'm in the depths of depression, and need your help. When they do that, when they come out the only cause not at the behest of coercion on the part of anyone else, then that is a very useful thing is the Quantum Leap towards a solution.
27 minutes after 11 and you are listening to Andre do some international animation, he said my guest, brother Idris Hamza, and you are listening to our social program we'll be discussing this week drugs, drug dependency, particularly related to immediate family members and how they should deal with it.
It is by when a family member is dealing with somebody who has a dependency on drugs. And if you are faced with a situation where perhaps there could be, there could be physical violence, or something else, you know, even potential suicide from the addict, then how essentially be for them to then seek professional help in a situation.
That's very, very important. Very, very critical. In fact, you find and something I need to cite in people, that sometimes unbeknown to many parents, they, if you get to speak to the children, and if you engage them, teenagers and post kids, you ask them, How many of you have ever contemplated suicide, whether they involved with drugs or not, you'd be shocked, the number of hands go up, their hands go up, because they misconstrue some kind of firmness of the parents as a parents hate me. And they begin to compare their father to another father, who appears to be loving, but that Father is intubating a monster, by not setting any parameters, allowing the child to do whatever they want to
do, whenever they want to do with whom they want to do, and so as to make those comparisons. So I think it's important that it's fair to be calculated and create in them a deep, deep, profound love for the parents with
a level of discipline, that you there are consequences for negative behavior, and consequences of a positive behavior that are on one level. The second important level is this. And I think this is very, very critical, is that as parents, you got to get to know your children, get to know them rarely get to know them so well, that they must be confident enough to say to your to them, your daddy,
on the say something I'm not prepared to divulge who it is who they are. And there are some people on just give us an example. I went to the area, and they were taking drugs, they wanted me to take a baby, I did not take it. You know what I'm saying? And there's also an indication interference was excessive, and it's time to deal with it because you find gone on the case and I say, Would you meditate? You know, when you say that a particular home is good. What do we mean by a good Islamic home? And I'm also an Aggie are not one parents, this is an important thing, they must not take responsibility and blame themselves and go into a good
if your son or daughter do something wrong,
you know, areas that maybe they can improve, but it cannot be the cause and effect of that because our children never reach an age of discretion. Right and I think a genuine non judgmental way and I give them hope I believe that no child is incorrigible, but once they invite embrace is rarely they are like an automatic pilot you know they have lost complete control. You know, the roller coaster ride and it does not matter who gets hurt in the process. The Prime
thing is the addiction to it. That is what is critical to them.
It is going to be nine minutes before 12 us listening to our measure can add some dimension You're most welcome to SMS, WhatsApp, your questions or advice that you require with regards to dealing with drug addicts to Idris camisa. The number is 0731738461 take a short break and inshallah as he is continue with this discussion. Just after that
welcome back to my second lady Islam international and warm welcome back to our guest for the Idris camisa.
massacre. It is May The second aspect that we wanted to look at just perhaps you could run around this topic of,
of drug addiction and dealing with it as a family member.
Your advice on the series by on what on on drug addiction and dealing with it as a family member? I think I think one of the pertinent things is that we should not go into denial. And by going into denial, sometimes we are giving the drug addict a sort of helping hand in continuing the addiction. Because you know, a monitored very critical point that you made. You see when you are in denial, why are you in denial, because it perhaps you feel if I accept that
I might have contributed to the on day before we in denial and in denial, because we also have what I believe, you know, almost a blind faith in our children. I'm not suggesting that you should not trust them. But your trust should not be something unbridled. We know we need to understand the children will make mistakes because the earlier you catch the situation you can deal with it, then it's far better. And the issue of denial is there are some people continue to deny this. In fact, I know of situations when the when the parents are talking to the son of the daughter, and when your son or daughter raises an issue, whether that is involving drugs or not. And if it reflects poorly
on the mom or the dad, they don't have to walk away from it. And could not do that. No, you cannot do that because
you have an alarm that
you're gonna be tested and the grandchild will now test you in your children and your well. You know, life is all about trying to go at and you forget about us having a cakewalk. And we all have challenges in different times.
You know, I just heard now that one of my dear, dear friends know his beloved, right and got cancer and treatment Allah bless him. They're not blocking this in mind. But
he realizes and he understands that, because it's just
the nature of things. And the point of it all is that you know, we as individuals, we have to talk about issues that are confronting our community, we call to share, you got to have TV, if you have been through a traumatic situation because of your son or daughter because of marriage or what
the numerous people so that they can learn from your mistakes. This is the nature of life. You don't have to go on to learn from it. learn from the mistakes of others who do not repeat those mistakes. And the issue of denial is a real is a terrible thing. And it happens
it is very, we coming towards the last quarter of our program. And one of the points that we wanted to seek advice on was public speaking. And the issue of public speaking, when it comes to getting over nervousness, particularly something which
many many grappled with, and for us who are accustomed to it speaking into the radio, for yourself, who's been in the business for many, many years, for you to be told to give a speech, and stand up within a second and start a continuous playing speech is not much of a challenge. But on the other hand, when a person is in, in, in, in the field, they they they find difficult,
find it difficult to get them and speak, and especially students who are just getting into public speaking, they also find that nervousness
in a moment of the advocate moment, right, and I just completed a book, and the layout made in a month time the art of public speaking from an Islamic perspective. And we did a program for the family dynamic that mentioned it two weeks ago here in an emulator, very well received. And before we talk about how to overcome nervousness, and give my view, I've heard many people speak, I'm not saying I'm the most brilliant speaker in the world. I'm not saying that. But I look at people.
And you find that there are many people who may have the right content for presentation.
Poor content. And if you look at the perfected methodology,
it is so profound is so profound. In fact, you find the example your modern speakers, what they do is good come from the example of the booth and allow the attendants to come into this Alhamdulillah, you can just
any way we can never a few moments on that.
Because public speaking the art of public speaking, only the public to the skills that help you when you're engaging with a wider group of people. It helps you as a caregiver, it helps you as a friend, it grabs you as a teacher, it helps you in all aspects of your life. Now what is fundamentally that realizes that nervousness is a natural part of most people in that
group of people to the nervous in any kind of situation. Or what I'm saying is, the best way to fight that nervousness is to practice, practice, practice. The first thing I said this in our project, as Allah for guidance, and all good speakers, you know, they do that you sell yourself, I love to speak in public,
I have something to offer, because
you have to do a wide audience whose lives have changed because of the words you said, because of the spirituality of your intensity, the positivity of the dog, and the
impact. And the first thing is to say I wanted to talk, once you make the decision, then what you do is you look at factors significantly fewer people with a friend than two or three other people, then not only that, on a personal level, you need to give your opinion about
you need to give your opinion, the other important aspect
is very, very fundamental, that all of us have something in us that not all of us will become the best because all of us can become more proficient, because good public speaking.
I began the journey gesture, every word has purpose and meaning every word if you look at the beautiful example of this, in the last sermon that we read the most beautiful example you can ever get. And the example of all the speeches in the shop section is powerful, the call to action, there was a key and so that the other important area is that you only realize, you know, the power you have one job people and many people are living will say no, I don't want to speak I don't like to speak I will not speak and you don't realize that you are missing the golden opportunity of developing quantum and and
I find, for me, the most critical way of overcoming nervousness is always speak about something that you feel strongly about something that you hate or something that makes you happy. So that is fundamental. So, and I know when I started, I remember that, you know, as a younger boy, I was nervous, I remember, mighty I can visualize my father encouraging me. And there are times when I remember, a few years ago, I get an audience in London, over 10,000 people in one hour, don't have to fear. So I would like to encourage people
every opportunity to grow as a speaker.
And it is just like, we when we get on to the member, when when we are given an opportunity to speak in public needs. It reminds me of a verse of the Quran, where Allah subhanho wa Taala speaks about I lemma hold by and where Allah tala taught men to express what is within themselves, and the meaning of Diane, while we could say they see on a poster by an even by mowlana. so and so. And we think of Diane is a one a two hour lecture. And this is what our definition of Diane is. But actually, Diane, as a Latina has mentioned it in the Quran, it means to express what thoughts are suppressed within one's heart. And Lana has given each man that the ability to express themselves This is part of the
mercy and the qualities of men of the Most Merciful, Allah subhanho wa Taala. And for us, to be able to express ourselves is a bounty from Allah, and this expression of, of what we are thinking what is within our hearts, with wisdom, with the ability to make a person understand this is a means of going a long way in establishing our relationship, strengthening our bonds, and also in
clarifying misunderstandings, and, you know, discrepancies between ourselves absolutely important. In fact, you know, at this point, he did not realize how important it is to speak and to prepare according to speak what's in your heart. And I remember reading this from time ago, there was one person who was asked to speak for 10 minutes. If you only speak for 10 minutes, give me six weeks to prepare. But if you only speak for the whole day, I'll speak now. Because
that is the whole idea that when you are speaking, you could be well prepared for not that I knew,
I need a week to week servant, yada, yada, addressing juggling too much of this sort of thing. I do not know what they're doing to
give me the word to get in touch their hearts, in different rooms. And yeah, if my talk goes, Well, our no one to tell me goes back
to Allah give them the courage to tell me I mean, for example, I you know, I remember
this also, and we got this part of our football so that
you should take care of the teaching by selecting a suitable time, so that we might not get bored, and also abstain from over burdening us with some of the knowledge on the time. So let me mute, he knew who he was addressing. For example, if you are invited, anyone is invited.
You're invited to give a talk in a particular town, you don't have the decency of the town, meeting people, different people, different walks of life, going to the place where you're going to give a talk, making sure everything's in order. So once you go there, and you think that your script is something that can work everywhere, and the mistakes we make in and it's an area because we
have a captive audience. And it's really important that we have a profile that when you have an opportunity, and you don't know whose life you're gonna change it.
Yes, this is an important aspect also. It is we're going to take another short break, we have an ad break that we need to go for, and inshallah we'll come back just after that. If the listeners have any question, any advice you'd like to seek from it is service, you're most welcome to SMS 0731738461
Stay tuned for Marcia Carnegie's calm international
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Do you want to sit your joy in your managers invoke the blessings of your parents?
This is radio.
Welcome back to amateur radio Islam International. And welcome back to our guest Rob, it is Coming sir. It is where we haven't discussed any of the other cases or issues that you have been dealing with over the last few weeks in Dino and under the law. You know, I've dealt to some very small cases dealing with
essentially quite serious. But I must tell you that
I do not feel debilitated or weakened. I'm sometimes sent in by the strength of the mind of some of the individuals that I encounter those individuals who have gone through challenges from the spouses, yet they're forgiving, and loving and caring, they want to be there for them. And we want to make go out for them. And that to me is very appealing
thing to do allow another person
or another person to oppress us. I'm not saying that the circumstances sometimes dictate that you show mercy, the needy Trinity. So, that issue of forgiveness is very critical. The second thing that worries me is that I do not understand how any husband would allow
his father to reprimand his wife,
we allow a brother to throw abuse at
your wife, how can anyone do that? How can anyone do that? This is something you need to understand, because the critical thing is your relationship with your husband, that relationship is something you need to consolidate and look after. But what is important is
that the relationship or the meaning or need to understand I just cannot understand people I cannot understand people who who blindly believe
would not give an egg not an opportunity for marriage to work. I know of instances instances when people are married against the will of the parents saying that they love and then two months of marriages collapses. So these things are happening. So in all of this situation, the situation that we are dealing with is the issue about forgiveness. The other issue is that when children are men against the will of the parents and the men given to them, and they come back to them you need to look at what is
the third important issue and something I've said so many times more than likely maybe in the message we need to tell people then
Everything's a medical problem, the man says, I'm perfect. There's nothing wrong with me.
I'm not prepared to come. And this is to me unacceptable. Because I know when it comes to medical, this club was the root of the brain, maybe unexpectedly individuals, that the other person because marriage is a partner relationship, the interpersonal relationship, we need to need to deal with that. And that is fundamental. The other thing that is also wanting is the fact that our youth today
they are living at a time of gratification, and be a part of a global movement and part of social media, that we are not time
focusing on themselves. So one of the messages I noticed
in his message was the fact that all of us are gifted with the 24 hour. And most of us
for eight hours, work for eight hours. And the truly successful people do meaningful things.
That the routine is different
from the time of the book study, and the study they do, and also what how we manage our time. And the last point I want to make is that there has to be in a home, it's also an issue of concern, there should be a climate change understanding that the woman must understand the nature of the man's work and the mechanics and the nature of the workplace. And as a result, this particular understanding, sometimes the man may come home, Cisco tend to be pulled to the table, mercy may have a property and the demands are made or inform the part of the children and the spouse. As we work in the right mix the demand
didn't come grant opportunity for children to speak to the Father. Or notice.
These are some of the long and short of the volume. I think we need to sit down, talk together and also we need to have the last point on the move is to have what we call a crucial conversation. A conversation that deals with sentences but you do not lose yourself or not become angry.
hidden for your time and inshallah we will speak to you next week. inshallah Vonda you go well look up yourself and and I know you're at a place and continue to look up your shoe shoe but when
the end of our program this morning, so thank you for listening and chicken intros to the operator for various camisa Sorry brother Dawood and from Tunisia surface and Mr. de como Rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh