Tap into your potential – 13.06.2013

Edris Khamissa

Channel: Edris Khamissa

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It's 12 minutes update evidence and I want to lucky or no settlement or must have been it is Thursday morning. My name is Juanita south and you are tuned into allometric on radio Islam International. We are going to be joined by our guests on the program this morning for the Idris camisa. And it is by will be with us this morning. As he's discussing short social issues it is by welcome. Monica Rahmatullah. workato walaikum salam wa Rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh. My beloved Milan Asha, how are you? Very, very well handled in life is by how are you keeping? I am Alhamdulillah ally, so merciful, we cannot thank Allah for these boundaries. I'm sitting here looking at the

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street.

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I'm having some breakfast, I had breakfast already. My wife doesn't know having another breakfast might feel, you know, what is it? You know? Do I not cook well.

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So I'm just at

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the dinner with a friend of mine, shake his hand, Ahmed. And really, how are you millennion are very, very well from the electrical it is by. And it's good to have you on the problem. Again,

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looking at the issues that we brought up last time, and some of the social issues that you face, perhaps you could just,

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we could just discuss some of the things that you face that were inquired of you during the last week, or there quite a few issues that the the one that I want to talk about is I received in an SMS

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from someone who said to me that

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she was a bit suspicious

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about your husband.

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You know,

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in terms of the social media, so she decided one day to peek into his messages. And then she learned quite painfully that he was in contact with one of his old flames as it were. And the messages started off Vinnie platonically. But they were

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they are the messages in the recent past and more suggestive and loving, you know. So when she says she asked the question, she says, You know what?

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My husband and I enjoy a wonderful relationship right. Now, my dilemma is, should I

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take this message Seriously?

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Should I confront my husband about it? How should I confront him about it? And what's our real concern is a concern is about the Fallout, you know, what will happen after this. And that's a great concern. So my take you see, in all of this is, generally speaking, one has to confront the issues without being confrontational. And that show you've got to, you know, it's a difficult thing, but you have to do it, because now Allah forbid, if this thing gets even more serious, where there is now a, you know, a real infidelity, and when now you find he gets emotionally entangled with the other woman, and then it becomes now a real adulterous relationship, then they are the issues that

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come into being it impacts Now, on the family, on your children, everyone else that goes with it. So it's important to confront them in a nice way. And to say, and they know, he, his knee jerk reaction might be what gave you the right to look into my messages is just he could say, you know, if I did not look into the eye, I trust you, but your behavior recent past, I was a bit suspicious. And if I overlooked it, I wouldn't have known that these are potentially

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adulterous relationship that might ensue. and thereafter, what is very, very critical is this, that, you know, if both of they cannot handle it, then it's important to get a third objective person who can mediate that experience. And that's a very, very important thing that needs to be done. And so, I think, you know, I think what is important is this.

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That as a rule, we all of us need to safeguard ourselves. I mean, we are living in such a times of fitna and difficulty. I mean, I've seen you know, all kinds of people, different levels of spirituality, who have been now incriminated through the social media, or by involved with things that are untenable beat the cyber six or whatever. And this reality that we cannot ignore, and we need to confront it. In fact, I was sending a friend of mine the other day

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That there is no more a transition between purity. And sin is one of the days when you had to spend a good some time before you had to physically leave your home. To commit sin, you had to do something, it was an effort, right? There was no so called su gratification. You could come back after fudger, Salah, you could come home, and then you decide to get a look into your computer, look at your messages. And then shaytan whispers Why don't we just check some of the other sites, and then you find yourself being ensnared. You become addicted to it. You know, you have what you call pornographic addiction and a whole range of things. And I think this is very, very important for all

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of us at all times, to be conscious of Allah, Allah mas guidance, I'm a no, and none of us is an angel in every aspect or behavior. So I don't sit in judgment of them. But it is really a worrying factor. And I can understand where the woman is coming from, but not to suggest that women are not also guilty of similar things.

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And

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we can't even say that it's an increasing problem. It is an issue it is dependent on the individual it is by so importantly, that we each have to develop our own taqwa have to develop our consciousness of Allah subhanho wa Taala and have to realize that wherever we are whomsoever we are with, and even on the cell phone, Allah subhanaw taala is knowledgeable of every single word in Blender that we type in, not only a way, as you rightly said, our baby, let whatever is also aware of our intentions, you know, or why we do what you are doing. So when we are told not to come near adultery, so we need to really understand ourselves understand our own weaknesses, their own safety,

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and, and only no inadequacies as it were. And I think it's important that not only we become conscious of Allah, that we begin to spend our free time, far more meaningfully, you know, either in the Quran or reading books about Islam or reading, or doing acts of good deeds, a visiting district, there's so much that needs to be done, because some a happy marriage can be transformed into a marriage, you know, almost made in hell, by purely this kind of flirtation, this kind of hedonistic behavior, that suddenly you see, I've seen people who had their sanity check people that their wealth intact, and just to one impulsive moment, one rash behavior, they lose everything that is

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said in the community, they own self respect, and the dignity and the move from a position of strength to a position of disgrace, as it were. And so I think that is very, very fundamental. You know,

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that is one of the issues that you did face over the last week and hamdulillah the advice that you give this person and, and in fact, I received an email this morning concerning a program that you did on Sai FM on the 31st of May. This was an email that was received by a non Muslim lady and it would be beneficial for the listeners also to hear on Friday morning. 31st. May I say FM he gave a wonderful sermon on family love, and the importance of brothers remaining connected to each other. Is there any way I could get a copy of this sermon? It applies directly to my two sons, and I'm sure it will help their relationship thinking in anticipation Mrs. mealthy plan Lee who's played Limpopo,

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Salah Agarwal, what I will do, you know,

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this is very embarrassing for me, I'll tell you why. Because when I go there generally, and I don't have a script in front of me, I have some ideas. And ally is very, very, you know, merciful. He allows the thoughts to come quite freely, but I can share the essence of that with our listeners. And perhaps I would jot down maybe a few points. And I will respond to the email. And I think we discuss aspects of it on the radio program. One of the very important sources of strength is when you have your family intact, if not only your relationship with your wife and your own children we spoke about this is also with your siblings in your elder brothers and new younger sisters. Because

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each one of them you know, go through different challenges at different times. is not only because of the challenges, but psychologically to know that we do keep in touch. I mean, as a rule, I would recommend the following things inshallah

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I must also practice upon this not that I, you know, I advocate this assumption we ourselves need to practice it, for example, that, you know, a we use our cell phones, talking to so many people, some of people are just some acquaintances sometimes purely for business. I mean, what will it take if you send a message to your brothers every day, Sonic from my brother, Allah bless you, I'm thinking about you, I pray that URL, remember, I'm here for you remember, there was a daily on a weekly basis to keep that connection. Because we are living at a time sadly, where women have become far more assertive when men have become more escalated where women often dictate terms. And I'm not

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suggesting that woman's necessarily perpetrators or everything I'm discussing, but often I come across this. So it is fundamental for a man to lead a balanced life part of your balance nice life is not only defined by the wife is God but surely as is also defined by the fact that he's got brothers and sisters also defined by the fact you've got uncles and aunts is also defined by the fact you've got grandparents it also defined by the fact he's got friends is also defined by the fact that he, he has colleagues is also defined by the fact that he's got neighbors. He's also defined by the fact they lived in the same community is also defined by the fact that lives within

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the same society is also defined by the fact he stays in the same province is also defined by the fact that quantum is say the most importantly, is also defined by the fact that he's far too though Matthew levy shall allow you to sell them. And also, as on WC law, some was a mercy onto all mankind. So he each of these tiers of relationships are very, very critical in terms of his Amana, in terms of his duties, in terms of their rights sources, very, very fundamental. And I just shared with you a,

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a, something is quite quite emotional for me, but I'll share that with you. Last weekend, we went I met my brothers and my youngest brother, and I'm you're saying this year and, and give me a hug, he told me and he started crying, you know, he sent me a, you know, Idris, what would I do when you are gone? You know, I said, Don't worry, Allah is here are some allies. Yeah, you don't worry about allies. And remember, we all of us are here for you. And we are here to support each other. And that thought, although it was pointless, it was painful. It was cathartic. It was emotional. But for me, I was very, very touched, that my youngest brother looked up at me for support, not necessarily

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material support for spiritual, emotional, psychological support. So that was very, very gratifying. So I think the message that is very clear, is that all of us need to reflect on our own relationships with our family members, we all need to look at what we can do to enhance it, to nurture it, to improve on it, you know, yes, Mashallah. I understand that you have to leave early today. And

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can I just make

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one more thing that happened, but I just shared that before I go.

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there quite a few others for one more share. I got a call again, you know, today's mothers and fathers sadly, and I don't blame them, they find it very, very difficult to confront the children, if they suspect them of getting involved with drugs. And these children become so agitated, upset. They're not prepared to be counseled by anyone. They are in denial. And so when they phoned me up in a, they really they're so distraught, the father is crying, mother is crying, the boy is in school, and you cannot tell him anything. And really, and I think we as parents, you know, from time immemorial, from day one,

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we need to assert ourselves, our children, we need to love them, we need to hug them. And you know, it'd be a beautiful time in our lives. If your son comes to you, and tells you daddy today I did a very bad thing. Daddy, I degrade so much today. I took some drugs, you know. And you Yeah, you must say we manage to control it, she has come to any spoken about it is feeling bad about the film, the sense of remorse. But sometimes you find out things that are too late and the kids are almost, you know, a no

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control. So I think is very, very important. My advice is that get to know your children, get to know who their friends are, make dua for them, bless them, love them, and hug them. Because one of the big things also is happening. And I'm part of a dialogue with American schools, where they speaking about teenage suicide. So children must know that Allah is there for them, that our children must not only know that all things my father loves me, they must feel that love. And the atmosphere must be a loving, caring atmosphere. And of course, discipline is in his place. And we need

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do whatever we can Mulana Allah bless you look up to you and protect you. inshallah I hope I see you in German this weekend shall

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not do but

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Allah bless Gemini

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avocado that was if this camisa speaking because we're going to take a short break right now and he's going to come back and we are going to be putting on a recording of Idris camisa insha Allah Stay tuned to our master conveyed Islam international and any Muslim Association Soweto presents a fundraising dinner for the whole family separate seating for men and women featuring Dr. Patel kalibata and much more over 20 exhibitors Saturday the 15th of June 2013 at 6pm venue the image lifestyle conference in wedding at five months old price 350 Rand per person for more information contact for Hema 0737867572 Mohammed amin 076833832 to come to my spies for the following Cisco

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So in a

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nutshell, see you

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soon

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Welcome to reduce level media week 1548.

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From

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the

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library, it is by self esteem in grown married woman or maybe I'm married also at self esteem in grown woman and those few questions that you ask them I don't remember all of them right now. But

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firstly, would we say that it's a common problem among women of all races and backgrounds. It is one of the things that you find that people grow up often the the self esteem might be eroded from the home at the school and they have a negative self image. Now people may say You know what? I mean what is this called God Islam and it's got everything to do with Islam because as Muslims, we need to be positive and the dua we make your ally may be beautiful or they may be beautiful inside and that we cannot allow people to diminish us a smile.

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He is basically self esteem is really recognizing that you're a unique creation of Allah and my friend seabreeze We are so pleased only going to be one Idris like you know, Idris when is enough when is the condition.

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So this is a very important thing about how we look at ourselves. And in fact, the way we deal with people depends largely as we always

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young man's own life experiences, you know, in terms of how we see the world, why is it for example, that some people and you know, inshallah we get a chance to talk about the attributes of people low self esteem, the positive and the negative but the point that I end this part off by saying that many nada especially in throughout the world, and of course our brothers also because they have a low low self image and a no self esteem issues, they have huge difficulties adjusting to marriage huge difficulties in dealing with themselves huge difficulties in articulating things, huge difficulties from having a tranquility of heart, that the mind is in turmoil, and all of that.

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Now,

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I like to focus on the married woman. And as you see the quite the humanist email the other day from somebody about Indian mothers,

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some of the points about Indian mothers was really maybe maybe true to the point as well that the daughter, no matter what she cook, or how good she does her work, or how well she views her children, the mother will come up to see that you've missed this ingredient, or you've done that wrong with your child, or you've done that. And maybe the mother self is suffering a self esteem problem. And she's taking a daughter into the same bit. Yes, it is. In fact, you find that, you know, when I was studying this, and I was quite surprised. In fact, people who are control freaks, are people that have self esteem issues. You know, and sometimes, you know, you get a beloved mother

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in law. So they also have issues. And as a result, you know, they always want to be in control, you

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know, how does a grown woman let's take, for example, a lady, she she is married already, she has her children she has own her own life that she is now dealing with. But she has to constantly deal with a mother, who is

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hand backing her all of the time for pulling out of false.

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Taking out skeletons from the closet, making life difficult for her wherever, wherever she turns, how does she deal with that situation? Does she tell her mother straight on? I don't like what you're saying? And please stop it? Or is there a tactful way of dealing with it? No, yes, there are many tactful ways of doing this, you must understand that, you know, all mothers want their sons and daughters to be happy. Let's look at the mother and the son relationship. They want them to be happy. And they're always very, very concerned. And sometimes they can be over z this what is important is this is sometimes some mothers in law might go overboard. And I do not recommend at all

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that my daughter in law confronts or confront the issue. Unless I know in, in some instances where darkness and Muslims get along so well. There are the open the candid and the Navy slash swim said that the believers are admitted onto each other, and they are able to talk about issues without any one of them feeling diminished. Now what happens is, is that in a situation like this, the daughter in law must ask yourself one fundamental question, how serious an issue is this? Am I being trivial? Or what it is? These are important things. When you realize the trivial issue. It's okay overlook it. But if that issue is something substantive is something impinging on your happiness and stifling

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you that you feeling somewhat intimidated? Then you got to discuss the method with their husbands? Now husbands themselves, very reluctant to raise issues with their own mothers, I can understand that. But did they have an open relationship with them? They mustn't go and tell them

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the mother No, Mommy, Fatima today was complaining about you. Oh,

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you know, and the mother in law my car you know, the potty, my head enough of it.

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But what he must do, you must use a lot of hikma. He must say to mind, you know, I don't know.

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Sometimes I see you doing this severe math.

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You know, I say, No, no, I don't mean anything. You say no, maybe I'm not saying this. Maybe, you know, you might be affecting fathima I don't know. Why not. You know,

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that we may be called in I'm saying this in the radio station. Like my beloved mother was passed away and she used to phone home.

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Every day, and this is speak to my beloved wife for a few seconds and to speak to me. My wife wants to sit with your mother for a year because of the speak to it now.

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So what what happened was this and I realized that some of the other It was my wife was being affected by it, you know, but not in a way of it was a serious, contentious confrontation issue. So what I did was this, I went home, when I was in perception, my mom, my dad, was sitting there, I said, Mom, I know you love me so much. But when you phone Oh, you must even phone and not speak to me. No, you know, Roxanna, do all of that, in the numbering, that was etc. Now, I will say to her, that, you know, Roxanna was complaining, why are you doing this kind of thing. Now, so it's really, you know, one of the most difficult things is about how to disagree agreeably, it's about how to

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live with other people. Because in life, you can only do what's under your control, how you respond to situation depends largely on you. And many people are, for example, many people tend to overreact and they become aggressive. And sometimes not in laws, because they could low self esteem issues, they just go, you know, completely overboard. And one of the things that we mentioned that time, the worst thing ever, is for a woman to tell her husband, the either choose me or your families,

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makes it really, really very difficult. And I think it's an unfair thing to do. And in that way, I think it has a profound impact on the relationship.

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The husband plays a great role, you know, sometimes he has,

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you can see inherited baggage, from the wife, spouse to sometimes the wife is also inherited baggage from the husband's past, how do they even now try and overcome or help the spouse overcome those challenges and build self esteem a few points that maybe they can implement. You see, one of the things is this, that you got to understand people who get married need to understand that the best way to deal with marriage is to look at yourself, the eyeballs of your spouse, and you find that, you know, all of us were brought up differently, even though it could be two brothers with their own children's things side by side, yet, the way they've been brought up is so different. Now, my

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children are born fit, I mean, suitable fits on innocence, like a clean slate as it were, and life experiences, you know, impact on the way they see things. So if you, for example, and I'll give you my own example, yeah, just to authenticate it.

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Like, I was not always I think, yes, I was, like, a gregarious person, I like to meet people, I like to socialize. And I like to have people around me, and I like to go to functions and speak to so called strangers. That was the social competence that I got, and my umbrella in our home people used to come Muslim, non Muslim ease and whatnot. So I grew up in that kind of environment. And and I'm very loud, very, very comfortable with that, and then also being in the public profile, but my wife did not have a similar exposure right. So now, for example, I could not tell her and demand things out or for the worst thing ever is when you try to change the other person, you should not change

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them, but nurture them is only a small, incremental steps. Your whole thing is this, he does not mean that you are like this, your wife has to be also like, like this in this one lady. A non Muslim lady was saying that I just got married to my husband. And my husband

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was invited to one dinner Gala. And in which they were I think they gave some commendation and some awards. And they speak with all the confidence and everything else, but in the process. She said he forgot about me. He forgot that I was going through pain and trauma. You know that I difficulty engaging with those people engaging that I settled on the table. When I went home that evening, I decided to to raise the issue with my husband and asked my husband, how was the evening? I think it was great. And BTR team was the fake entrepreneur what my evening

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I'm sorry for greatness. Why did you ask me how was evening

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He says, It was one of the most traumatic experiences I had. And so you got a shock of his life. What do you mean, darling, he explained what happened. So then he then he realized that he took it for granted. That was a turning point for him. Now, that coupled today, whenever they do marriage seminars, they talk about that issue. And that issue is such an authentic issue. And I think the I think the point of the story is, I think sometimes we take our own partners, you know, for granted, we take our families for granted. And we make assumptions that because you are good at something, you are confident in what you are doing, that he or your spouse would follow suit, you know, and

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therefore, I always mentioned this, and psychologists also say this, the first three years of medica, very, very critical, in order to help each other to grow, you fulfill the need, and you do different things. And for example, I met a young man, earlier today. And he said to me, you know, what,

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we're going to get married soon. He said, but I'm the emotional, romantic kind of person, I'm expressive about my feelings. But the girl I intend to marry is much more clinical, that kind of thing. I'm very, very worried, you know, about it, and I think is a cause for concern. But that can also be dealt with, you know, something that should give a reason for, for separation or not getting married at all, but how, in the process of how you deal with the situation. And that is so important. so critical.

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thinker, newlywed couples, has to really take out time in the studying to just observe the other person and not just, you know, push their own agenda forward, but try and accommodate the other person, understand them, help them along. And then, you know, they can grow together as a couple. No, absolutely, absolutely. And I think it's a commitment, people need to make that end. But what happens is this the sometimes when when people get married, and if, you know, the woman is somewhat intimidated by this marriage, and it is an issue that is causing us some concern, not all but bigger concern. But if that concern permeates in a marriage for many years, and I know that he often can be

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a cause for separation. So one of the things that I remember that I did this in the way in Cape Town, when we had couples coming for, you know, the marriage seminar, these are people that were married. So I said to them, I want you to hold your wife's hand. And I want you not to say a word, I want her to speak and tell you only you, none of us who know what you're saying. But you the wife must tell the husband, what adjustments she has made in the marriage. And in 99% of the cases, what she said was never, ever heard by has never ever told him that before. And the outcome has often been it's almost like an emotional wreckage. The woman begins to sob and the husband gets a shock of

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his life. He says, I did not know you went through all of this. But when the husband's done, you should talk about the adjustment that he has made the marriage. And, and sadly, the men make little or no adjustments. And that's that's very, very critical. Because what is important, I think there must be a great deal of empathy. And men must say, look at this, this girl is leaving our house, leaving the warmth of the house, the spirituality, the culture, the environment, the protection and the concern about the family. And she's taken this constantly. And as I said once before, in Sato home the night before the marriage and the morning of the marriage. You expect my ends and laughter

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but the tears of the mother and the father, he is because the releasing the daughter and the are hoping and praying that the daughter finds happiness, and especially the time when you have more divorces in because I can understand that concern. And when the man has the full knowledge, I think he'd be far more circumspect. He'd be self aware. He would nurture in hola by the hand, and then inshallah they make a commitment that will grow together. We'll help each other to grow because I see marriage as having a dual responsibility. One is connecting with your spouse, and the other the critical one connecting your spouse to align beloved souls.

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This

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is speaking about self esteem just to go a little bit further back in the life of a lady, you know, from a mother's skin avoid growing the children up or nurturing them with low self esteem and they can develop their children's self esteem from a very young age. How do they go about doing the gap? How do they feel? First, whether the child has low self esteem or not?

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Okay, I will, what I would do is, I would tell you, what are the attributes of children and adults with low self esteem and the attributes of children are a does high self esteem, inshallah, we can talk about how someone's self esteem can increase by the person. Now, children with high self esteem, take ownership of their life. They are decision makers. They're independent, and dependable. They are not worrying, the able to be decisive. They recognize the cause. And they got concerns. They have the capacity to grow. They have a generosity of spirit, they humble people. In fact, they feel good about other people's successes. Right? Very important. Now, then in the other side, if

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you've got low self esteem, you begin to blame everyone else except yourself for a situation, you can be a control freak, you can be arrogant, you are indecisive, you're a warrior, indulge in self pity, you do not take ownership did not become an owner of your own life. So these are these are fundamental differences right? Now, now the best way, the one of the most effective ways of ensuring that your children grew up with a healthy self esteem is I say, the three A's accept your child,

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from your child, and acknowledge yourself. And very, very importantly, is a very, very critical, and you can even add, the fourth one is appreciating a child. That's very important. The other thing is very critical. Sometimes we assumed by us, you know, bringing food to the table, clothing items that are assigned for the children, Oh, Daddy loves you. But every child needs to be told that and we need to hug our children are things that I've been recommending, as you know, molana, even in ermelo, and I've been to Petersburg. I asked this question, how many of you hug your wife this morning. And he said the very few men have got their hands up. Very, very sad. And in fact, I dealt

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with one case today, where the father felt so uncomfortable hugging his son, he felt so uncomfortable.

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And what he loves his son, right, so that's important. The other critical thing is when you encourage your child to make choices, that way it develops the know, it gives them ownership it today, I made this choice. In that way, you're also fostering independence. The other important thing that you can do is listening to your child's opinion, asking the chair, what do you think about this and then without interrupting, you do this. The other important aspect is the positive encouragement, especially with new challenges. And also very important sleep is to do things with them. Not only giving them things but doing things with them, spending time with them, and helping

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them and inspiring and very importantly, children always need to be inspired. You know, when I go to people's homes, I look at the children they Alhamdulillah I look at them, you find children, that they are very quick, when they can walk. They are when they learn to walk, when they learn to stand standing on their toes will not even be met.

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A why is because they want to unleash the potential. It is us that we bring them down because one of the worst ways of eroding a child's self esteem is in a home with the father and mother. each other's throats. Go home and you constantly tell them you're stupid. No, you cannot do it. Now what happens? That talk leads to a child's negative self talk. He begins to believe I can't really begin to believe I'm stupid, right? So these are very important things. But it's never too late. Never too late to deal with the situation is so that our children do not have any obstacles. They've grew up into young people. They realize that they are you're not defined by the car you drive. not defined

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by the you not defined by the clothes.

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You a, but you're not defined but you defined by who you are. You're defined by your conduct, you're defined by the legacy you leave behind. These are very important issues. And most of the time, when we are part of nuclear family, normally the extended family just received an SMS let's find work this SMS also loves my husband, don't want me to have my children around me. They are married now.

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Let's

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go back to the SMS. They are married now that he has two wives, please help

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are the husband has to live. Here you see one of the things that people need to understand this, that polygamy is acceptable in Islam is something. But what is important is that often when a husband takes on a second wife, the first wife feels very, very embittered. And she often says, Oh, my husband doesn't love me anymore. There's a sense of insecurity, she diminishes herself. And she should not do that. It's not about you, that decision has been made by the husband, he does not make you look small, in what I'm saying to you. And that's a very, very important thing. And now also the the the fact that he doesn't want to see children dimensioned around her and whatnot, is maybe also

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stems from his own insecurity. In the end, it's all about intentionality, right? And, you know, people, for example, in a wealth is accessible Islam. I think there are many caveats and many, many preconditions in terms of, you know, equity and all of those things, he places a lot of demand on the men to make sure that he does not, for example, the process to manage one or the other, it requires a lot of, you know, discipline requires a lot of, you know, in a sense of self control. So I don't think the wife should

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allow inverted commas, the situation to affect him, as an individual says, the role to play. And more importantly, one of the things that we need to bear in mind that is never done on this earth. It's part of life, and each one was set up to go through some trials and tribulations. I also know of, when a man has been a bigamist and got two wives, we find that in many, not many integrated number of instances, was the first wife, you know, he developed a lot of extra money for her husband and the second wife, but many of them stay we, you know, in harmony together. It's about what's your own expectations in life. The other thing that I want to encourage, especially our beloved sisters,

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is that you should not only be defined by your marriage, you also part of the oma T of Nabi sallallahu, alayhi wa sallam, and also have a role to play within the Sharia, in impacting on others making a difference in the quality of life. And when you find that you lead a comprehensive life, then you are able to deal with issues in marriage was much more circumspect, a great deal of maturity rather than just being emotional about

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three smss in order to take up a little bit of time.

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Let's see, how do I teach my child to stand up against other children who teased and bullied him at school? It is very important. He

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mentioned never high self esteem. They also are assertive, but not aggressive.

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got low self esteem, or not assertive, but they are aggressive. I mean, for example, even when I'm standing in a queue, if someone just barges in front of me, I can either knock the hell out of him, or I can tell him not brother has come before you or could ignore it. But I my recommendation, politely tell the person in I'm sorry, I've been here before you. And I'd like you to follow the queue. So what's very, very important is that we need to be assertive. Now, we never sadly is very, very sad that bullying is become very, very ripe. Even our Muslim schools very, very right. You cannot believe that. And I can understand that because children today, because it's not have been a

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conversation that Trump did not know how to negotiate. The best way is to become aggressive and to be macho. Now, I recommend very strongly that parents should not get directly involved in terms of you know, responding to it in a negative way. But the school itself the moment the child

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displays that kind of thing. He cannot be overlooked. Something has to be done with it. And you will need that person is helped and self esteem issues and part of self esteem is

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When you saw it in consideration for other people,

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the second SMS for small kids, my wife is a terrible temper. She insults the kids, I don't know how to help her.

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Again, often when serving men when parents do that is also again about self esteem. It's about you know, you, they've made a sense of helplessness is the correct way to do these things. But she must understand one thing, that one of the points that I always recommend that we need to celebrate our family, which insults she might get compliance but no commitments. She needs a perhaps you've got issues in managing

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time, I think she made it set up for issues managing as far as maybe she also got issues managing the responsibility of Mary. So I think what the husband needs to do is to be sensitive to her.

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Maybe sit together with a dual routine, in which the man also plays his part, need the help in the kitchen and look at different shows give them responsibility. And in that way, when children are bruised and humiliated, they would develop a lot of resentment.

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Third SMS that I have is what drives my son is overconfident. He always says things like I'm a genius.

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Know, the impact, you know, we when when a person does that, it's not because

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now when a person has got a high self esteem, what he has humility, when a person is overconfident, in fact, it is often because of a low self esteem by the very beginning to understand that now, what is important is is humility is an integral part of self esteem is a very important attribute. Now, and when a person is overconfident, then what will happen is this the GS three to be a take lots of unnecessary problems. His work ethic might suffer, he may have a false sense of security, and that is very, very dangerous. And you find many people who are overconfident or arrogant, often they fall and we don't want that to happen to anyone.

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But it is we have to come to the end of our finish off with one form that I've got a lovely form it gives us self esteem to miniaturize Allah bless you. Everyone has a right

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to

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live criticism he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he loves to fight. If a child lives with video, he loves to be shy. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives to tolerance he learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence. If a child lives would praise you learn to appreciate if a child lives with Fantasyland justice. If a child lives with security learn to have faith. If a child lives with the approval, he learns to like himself. Finally, a child lives with acceptance and friendship. To find love in this world. kumala

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inspiring words bring us to the end of our program from Jamaica Sato salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.