Tap into your potential – 18.04.2013

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Edris Khamissa

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salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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Welcome to a slum international it is. It is Thursday morning. And insha. Allah has enough money with me joined by our guests from Durban Fabrice kabisa. And the topic that we'll be discussing with Idris way this morning is taking a look at an issue of parenting, particularly with regards to children who seem to be ever more angry all of the time they seem to be wound up, they seem like they want to take out the frustration at any opportunity. And their main targets are the parents and particularly,

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particularly

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with regards to the mothers taking out the anger on the mothers and, you know, taking it all out on them making it difficult for the mothers. So, we're going to be taking a look at that in our program this morning. If there's any questions that you'd like to ask, you're most welcome to SMS 0731738461. You can also call in and join in the discussion on 8541542. So if there's anything that you'd like to ask us about inshallah, stay tuned for my second lady Islam International. In keeping with its proud heritage of reliability and durability Mota deal now offers you the best of small buches But listen, np 200 the np 200 has the longest load body in its class with a payload of a

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Sounds

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tuning radio Islam the Saturday 20th April just after 7:30pm as we broadcast to you a live just from Muslim cis rhodium. The theme will be the blessing companions of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam theoret will be rendered by more than a Shem to Jean nasm by Manasa Hansa and lecture by molana boot Han Mia in on Sunday musti revol hazza hebdomad Baraka to whom will be conducting a lecture and zeker program just after federal salado at Missouri cis low DMR radio Islam the world's is our

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radio Islam

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welcome back to my second video from international and a very warm welcome this morning to our guest on the program by the Idris camisa it is where salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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Salaam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh dismay Welcome to elementary

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keys into time gets increased prize attention they ensure Maharajas and let us just explain the topic for the program to the inshallah Razzies

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The topic is why are kids getting so angry? Why are we so wound up so angry all of the time and getting an understanding of what is causing this anger and how to deal with this in Sam Harris is this all going to be on our program this morning inshallah. So let's get his way again. It is where Santa Monica Monica de la

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salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah in this way.

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Okay, we're going to find qualities very clean, inshallah houses. And we can be discussing this program. Is there any questions that you would like to ask? Is there anything that you would want to know about?

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Your kids? Why are they so angry with finding kids taking out the anger? Because they are wound up? They have tight schedules? Yes, that is one certainty, they are very tight knit schedule. And they are very, you know, they've got a lot of things that need to be done the things that they need to get through the day. And because of that, they feel pressurized. And that's, that's one of the reasons why they are so angry. It is bystronic amatola.

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Okay, we can't get hold of Idris why we just going to ask Osama to drop the call and call it is fine. Again, Sam has so that we can get through to him. And

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children have a tight schedule have a difficult time during the day, they are put under pressure to perform their best at school they put under pressure to perform the best at madrasahs. Well,

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they really put under pressure to do a whole lot of things, all of the time and experience, are we giving them that free time to

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me, you know, just to enjoy themselves, are we giving them their free time, like we need to deal with the stress, the kids also definitely need to de stress, you know, they need to be able to relax, they need to be able to

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you know, take some time off for themselves. And they need to be able to overcome all

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the stress that they've been through during the day. And you know,

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we

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we, as parents feel that stress, we feel that difficulty we feel that time which you know, I need to relax for a little while, I need to be able to

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unwind, and perhaps kids also need to feel like that. I mean, they've got smaller minds in dealing with all of the different demands that are put on them. And so obviously they would need some time to be are we giving them the time to play? Are we demanding all of the attention all of the time peak performance all the time? And that is that maybe? What is making them so angry? That's a question that we ask parents and yes, it is a life program. And you are most welcome to call in as the number to dial is 11854154 You can also SMS 0731738461

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let's see if we can get a display back on the line is this where cinema

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Okay, we don't have it his way back on the line we're going to try and get him on inshallah has is

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what are the other

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possible causes for children being so angry with finding kids?

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taking out the frustrations of my parents in private? By screaming at them shouting at them? This is not in place that is not in place. Have we spoiled them? Have we given into too many of the demands? Have we given up so much?

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And

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have we given up so much of our own likes our own ones for the sake of our children? Have we given up our comfort and made our children more comfortable, heavy, spoil them to the extent that now they feel that they are in charge, they are on top of us. You know, just the other day somebody tweeted with regards to the preferences that kids have in a diet and what they want to eat and they say in the ingest. She mentioned that? Yes, this is perhaps what was the meaning of the Hadith until it'll tell you the amadora but Haha, a lady will give birth to a child who will eventually become her master. And have we made our children our masters have we by our own doings made our children our

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masters by spoiling them and giving in to the demands and now they feel that they are an authority over us and so they can express anger over us as they feel. Well.

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Let's try and get it right once again on the line.

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Idris Assalamualaikum warahmatullah

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alaikum Salaam rahmatullah wa barakato welcome to the program which is why it's good to have you on

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Can you hear me

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okay it seems that it is by can hear as we are talking that will keep on working at that inshallah as he does by Can you hear me

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Hello

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it is by Can you hear me

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okay

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okay we're gonna take a short break in Shanahan

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and we'll be back just after that trying to get to this commission underline station

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Every Saturday afternoon radio is how we use our future making access to knowledge

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Welcome back to elementary funding Islam International.

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Unfortunately, we can not get by on the line with us this morning I apologized for that we have a problem with our lines at WrestleMania studios. So it is we won't be coming on with us this morning. However, I will continue with the program in Shanna Aziz. We spoke about kids being rude and

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demanding, angry with the mothers in private whisper, we ask the question, have we spoiled our children to the extent that they are demanding they feel their authority over us? Is that what has happened? How do we even deal with that? And then in public also, in public also, there is

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a problem with kids who would feel the need publicly to rebuke their parents they feel the need to publicly shouted the parents or to express the demands on the parents. So I received an SMS and inshallah we'll we'll try and address this. Salaam Alaikum.

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Mullen I have this problem all the time. It's almost impossible to have a conversation with them without them lashing at me even a simple question like how our school will get an answer. You ask me the same question every day, every time I speak to them, they end up heartbroken they also disrespect the the range from seven to 17. And this is the problem that the sister has a lot of handle data make it easy for you in Allah subhanaw taala, crunchy children good Hidayat and guidance

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and Allah subhanho wa Taala grams in respect of valence. Now, how do we deal with an issue like this, the first thing would be that we send to Allah subhanaw taala that is the most important in every problem that we have that we turn to Allah subhanaw taala Secondly, we take an introspection of ourselves and the way that we speak and deal with our children. How do we Am I speaking kindly, humbly, softly, respectfully to my children or am I biting off the heads of the smallest opportunity? You know the first thing in the morning? Am I shouting at them for not putting on the slippers and walking or am I asking them to do it nicely? am I showing them or am I showing

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aggressiveness in the way I talk? The third thing that we look at is

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that with our children externally how and this is very very important when it comes to children.

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Externally, that how are we dealing with our children? Are we giving them completely 100% pure and halal sustenance, this is extremely important and imperative. When it comes to the sustenance are we giving giving them sustenance that is completely halal that we are absolutely certain of that it is completely Helen because when we when we bring in haram sustenance into the home, it affects the behavior of the children also. And then also the environment that we have set for our children in our home.

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Easy the halal Islamic environment or the influence in this home? Are they influenced by haram factors? Are they influenced by people and television and the like they have that is giving them a haram influence. That is the question

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that we need to ask ourselves is introspection, then if we are certain, we're confident that we are correct and we've done whatever we could in all those regards, then what you need to do what you need to do now as a mother, you need to show some hard love you need to be able to be firm, and obviously without being cruel, but you need to be able to be firm. We'll come back to that insha Allah has is what they've had love is and I'll give you the explanation of that. I have a caller on the line salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah.

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Okay, the quality is not there. We'll continue with this what is hard love, hard love is

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that set out for children

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and make it clear to them what they need to do what the rules are, and what they need to do, you set it out for them, and then you ignore them completely away, and you involve yourself in your own thing, if they are rude to you, if they are rude to you turn away immediately and get busy with something else. Even if it is something insignificant, but get busy with something else completely, that has absolutely nothing to do with them. Also, if they are rude to you explain to them that if you are rude to me, then I am not going to do X, Y and Zed for you. For example, I am not going to do I am not going to fold your clothes, I am not going to pack your cupboards, I am not going to

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put the food onto the table for you. Or I'm not going to do this do that for you set out a few things. And then you stick to that. If they are rude to you, then you stick to that say, Okay, now, this is something that I'm not going to do for you or benefits for example spending or getting daily for madrasa or even giving them a suite or even giving them something or the other. Say that if you are rude to me, and I'm unhappy with your behavior, then I'm going to give you this and then you stick to it you don't shout Remember, don't shout, don't be rude. Don't be aggressive. Don't get worked up as a mother yourself, but rather, you

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tell them okay, now you've been rude to me, you are not going to get your spending for today, or you're not going to get your sweets for today. And then you turn around and you get involved in something that is has nothing to do with your children your own work completely and ignore them completely. If they say we are sorry, whatever. They say, Okay, I understand I accept your apology, but still my principle my rule apply, I'm not going to give you what you have asked for and you continue on that and you be firm on that. Do that once twice a few times with all ages of kids and inshallah as you will find the difference Allah subhanaw taala make it easy for you. The next smss

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Some are equal and I spoiled my son and deed and still do everything for them. For some reason. My son's whole attitude changed that he got married when I look back and think of the hurtful things he said in time to me for no reason. I just wonder kids today don't have anything to complain about. They are just spoiled and ungrateful. So there's a whole attitude change for the better the day he got married Alhamdulillah

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change for the worse. I must grant him understanding and appreciation of his valuable parents. The next SMS, Salaam Alaikum. I have three sons 11, eight and six by 11, an eight year old, always fight my 11 year old always wants also wants his way all the time. And when he's angry, he always hits his eight year old brother for nothing, please advise. These are boys they will fight with each other they will they have this sort of territorial instinct. Also, elder brother feels that this eight year old came in spurts he should remember that he was all alone. He was getting all the attention for three years. Now the eight year old came in after that, and he started getting that pension. So

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as the eldest brother, he lost his exclusive rights to the attention and now now now there's this friction in the camp. And he needs to start getting Becky's attention. So from the time his little brother was born, he was caught the sort of in it for his brother, but what you need to do is you need to give both of them equal attention, all of them. In fact, you need to give them equal attention, give them respect, show them love, don't become angry when they start fighting and certain fights and certain issues. Don't get involved in it and try and ignore some of the fights let them sort out the problems between themselves and inshallah has is the

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We'll come right it received another SMS quite a lengthy SMS about Mr. Equal notice to observe some children making a transition from senior primary to being juniors at a high school nowadays a fast becoming aggressive, big mouth that chatters no respected most times, especially to the beloved immediate family. listening to them is unbelievable. On say it's the same child, one can understand of the potty changes really wreaking havoc in them too. Can this be an attribute in factor is it the new technology they are bombarded with, or just feeding I am big now, who are you to tell me what to do system to Uranus formula, Almighty, keep them on the straight path. I mean, wassalam. Remember

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that, once a person once the state was in senior primary, he was the main person in the in the in the primary school and he was looked up to now that he's coming to junior high.

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He is now a small fish in big ocean and if he needs to get on with what's happening, and if he needs to make an impact, if he needs to, if he wants to get respect in senior senior high or in junior high, then he needs to show some sort of authority. And he needs to show some sort of respectful stature. And now for kids, they unfortunately cannot make up the difference between what authority is what respect is compared to what aggression is, and they feel that it is aggression. And it is strength and brute behavior that is going to give them that sort of respect. And this is where the learning out of the media. This is where the learning out of

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television and movies. And so this is what they put into practice as well. And they feel that they are they are big now they feel that no, I am, I am somebody I've got respect. And it's parents also who give them that sort of what we could say,

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valence will give them that sort of

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authority, that sort of

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false image of false perception of self esteem. And it is that and then that's the reason why children start behaving like that. unless Allah will grant them understanding of who they are. I mean, we've all been through it, we all been through the primary school and into the high school stage and we need to get on we need to become part of the crowd, we need to become part of who we have who makes an impact. And otherwise people are going to impact that's the environment unfortunately, between fears at school that they're going to ride over you with a deep into a sideline, you are going to make an insignificant person, if you don't step up your game. And four

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teams, the only idea, the only understanding they have of stepping up the game is to become aggressive, or is to show the way they might and they prove strength and power.

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And this is the sort of environment, you will find them that now they want to all of a sudden start building a secret six pack or start building muscles or start doing training and you know, becoming stronger, and they don't want to look like like a little weakling and they don't have to look like a small little kid anymore. They want to look like a man they want to have every now and then they'll be flexing their muscles or will be looking in the mirror and they want their faces to be perfect on the muscles to be strong. And

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you know this is the VB this is what they want out of the analyzing. And we need to understand that for one and we need to be able to assist them in this and we need to experience be able to tell them that Listen, this is not this is not

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the way that you're going to get respect and make them understand what true respect is make them understand how to achieve true respect as well received another SMS and we'll just go through this as Ramallah kumana. Most times once they get married forget about their parents and their wives have them with this premise they have wives have them to forget about parents mothers are forgotten and visited only once a week. Friends and in laws come first before the parents what he says tuition The world is coming to grandchildren also taught that the father's parents and not important this is a generalization doesn't happen like this all of the time and can see most sense to this does happen

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with certain individuals and May Allah subhanaw taala grant these individuals the respect and love for the appearance and if you feel this is this is just throwing things on you now. throwing things on you now as well. If you feel if you feel that your son is not giving you the attention if you feel that your grandchildren are

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Giving you the attention if you feel that they are neglecting you or they are ignoring you, and spending more time at

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the whitespace so they friend spaces. I'm not making an accusation or making a generalization. I'm not saying that you have done anything wrong, but just as a suggestion in advice, word of advice, that you try and make extra effort to win over your son. You try and make extra effort to win over your claim children make extra effort to win over your daughter in law. And you must remember that in a home in every home the wife

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as much as the husband says that he wears the pants, but it's the wife who decides which means he weighs, what color he wears, and what size pants he weighs. It's the wife who decides everything at the end of the day. And

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you know, it's necessary for you to win over your daughter in law winner over with love with attention not with money and monetary things but wean her over with love with good character with good manners with good ways. If you can mean your daughter in law over then you're going to win over your husband you're going to win over your children most definitely in Sharma has his

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will is just 90 minutes before to I'll be listening to all my [???] on radio some international we're discussing why kids are so angry nowadays and why are they shouting and demanding from the parents why they shouting at the parents.

00:31:36--> 00:31:48

Any ideas or any suggestions? any queries please call 11854 and 548 or SMS 0731738461.

00:31:49--> 00:31:56

Well, coming up inshallah has is is a little break and we'll continue with the program just after that stay tuned

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He he he

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it's 16 minutes before 12 Welcome back to convert to Islam International. Let's look at this discussion from a different angle. You are obviously a child of some person and

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you're your parent, for example. And if we take this as a hypothetical situation, you're creating

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hasn't been treating you very well, your parent. And in your relationship between you and your father, your mother has been a cold relationship, a strained relationship. And now you suddenly feel

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like your mother or father is softening up. And we're starting to show love for you. They're starting to show real affection to you. They're starting to show real attention to you, and what you've craved for from your parents for your whole life. You're only getting it now. What would you do? What would your response be? Would you turn around and say to your mother or father, that I'm sorry. And

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I've also been wrong, and I've been mistaken. And let us start afresh with our relationship. And I appreciate this love that you are showing to me. And I hope that even if it is a little while, but at least we can have a healthy and good relationship from now on, would you do that? Or would you be doubtful? Would you be skeptical? be skeptical? And say that? Why envisioning a good, a good face nowadays? And what's the reason behind it in in, I don't trust my parents, and in the likelihood of I've been to what was your response be, and based on your response, you can imagine what kids responses are going to be also,

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you can base your response, and look at your response and see that this is how the kids responses are going to be that my mother or father has been quite harsh, strict, abrupt shouting at me for a long time for few years.

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And now, and now, they one day they join in the happy with me, became and they happy with me, and they're showing me love, do you think the child is immediately going to soften up to the parents? The child is immediately going to say to the parents, okay, you know, these few years that we've had, we haven't, or you haven't been good to me have been harsh with me, you've been abrupt with me? I'm just going to change my behavior, all of a sudden, I'm going to be 100% perfect. Is it going to happen overnight? Immediately? Or do you think that was your change in approach to your children? It's going to take them time also to change their behavior? What's your thoughts on that? Oh,

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731738461 or you can also call 118541548. And we're looking at this discussion, why are kids so angry? What are the other reasons that one we know is

00:37:43--> 00:37:50

the easy one to blame is your your media, movies, TV,

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games, and the like the obvious making them with the rest of us it is creating aggression in children. But remember that if if, if intrinsically within them deep inside them, if your child

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is at peace with themselves, if your child is at rest with themselves. And if your child understands that this is just the game, and their life is different, the chance really has the cognition and the understanding that I am not an aggressive person, I am treated with respect and hence I have to treat others with respect also, and my mother, and your child, deep within the heart appreciates, appreciates what his mother and father are doing for him or her

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child.

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Truly his understanding, then, do you still think that those games will have any effect on the child, it can't really it can't really, it's,

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you know, your child will, will definitely not be affected by those games, but it depends on what you have brought your child up with, as well. And

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also, the other thing that we have to blame is friends and peers and bullying and like they have that is also a reality. But it comes back to how we brought our children up. If we brought them up and taught them skills and ways of how to deal with all of this endless pulling in whatever whatever else they may be, then they will not be affected by setting they will be able to overcome if there is any sort of bullying and they will be able to deal with the problems. It all comes back to the type of skills that we have imbibed upon our children that we've taught our children and inshallah zcp is with those skills that they will be able to overcome all the challenges and they will not be

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that much aggressive or, or problematic as children as he is. Well. It brings us to

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It seems to have we've been to say one more time in some of the Ask Osama, to try one more time to try and get it is camisa on the line, inshallah. And if we having Alhamdulillah all of you make sure that we can get him on the line in peace, we can hear his voice for a little while today in some houses. And, yes, it's been an interesting discussion we've received in an SMS. Also, in response to what I said that let's try and win the daughter in law over the answer is no daughter in law can be one over the parents are to blame.

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There's another one. Why must you win your own son over he has been and will always be yours. Today, daughters in law have to have to become more Dini inclined and integrate not be like outcasts. This is a very common problem. Ki, Allah subhanaw taala grant all daughters no understanding, you know,

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the way that the problem goes, have daughters in law and mothers know, the sort of hype that has been created between about this problem, it almost seems that they come from two different planets almost seems so So then why do we want to get

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our sons married? Let his son stay with our wives. Why do you want to get married? If you so why even concerned about the top nav, it's such a negative view about daughters in law, let them stay without a wife, you know, experience sometimes we need to understand and as human beings as

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evidence negative viewpoint was the mother in law.

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And

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you know, as human beings, we need to be able to be able to be tolerant of each other, understand different viewpoints, have empathy have have this tolerance, of the viewpoint of the ways of the of the rituals of another person of the culture that a different person has been brought up in, how are we ever going to live together? I mean, Rasulullah, sallAllahu, and Islam in his home, he had one wife, who has Khadija Jelena after she passed away, he had soda of a man who was an elderly woman, then he had eisah, with Lana, who was a young girl. Then he had Sophia with Ilan, who was of Jewish descent, then he had mariachi with Leah was the slave girl of Egyptian descent, then he had almost

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Salama over the line where children of her own Mr. Allahu sunim had many different drives. And they were all his wife and the wives and they all lived in unity and love together. How could it be? Well, why why is it impossible for us? Why is it impossible for us that we wish we keep our daughters in or separate our magazine or separate, but still

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noticeable, but still,

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we have this misunderstanding, and we have this friction. And this is an interesting, and someone that you will only understand it, when you are in it, and the worst of the aliens and the animals, okay to like masirah for that SMS. And yes, I am not enough for myself. And I know every situation

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a person only understand between the in it. And I'm not saying that you are wrong. And I'm not saying that your daughter in law or anybody else is right. But what I'm what I am saying is that with with a change of attitude on both sides, not just saying from your side, I'm saying from both sides, with a change of attitude, we can understand each other and we can be tolerant and we can make a success out of it. That no relationship is beyond repay. No relationship is beyond getting together we look beyond tolerance. What I'm saying is that when possible loss of allies and it's so many people in his home, his different waves and he brought them together. And we find how about a

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Dylon home of different decisions be sent VLAN Alhaji Abubakar Dylan Jose by Rumi and difference have already lon who from different places, different sites, different villages, different nations coming together and living with Unity and love with one another. If they could do it, why can't we do it? Why is it impossible for us to be able to live in unity and to be able to be tolerant of one another? Okay, it was hammered. We have it is right back on the line with us.

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We don't have to stay on the line with us. We'll we'll build

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Just continue with the program, I'm not pointing fingers at any person or any individual or to say that you are wrong, or you're right, or your daughter in law is wrong or your mother in law is right.

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I'm not pointing fingers at anybody. I'm just saying that if we change our attitude and our way ourselves

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and we adopt an approach of tolerance, of humility, of understanding of acceptance, then we will be able to make and mend relationships, we will be able to make a success out of any relationship. That is what I am mentioning, that is what I am saying, and no relationship is beyond me. No relationship is beyond.

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Beyond reconciliation, Allah subhanaw taala transas on the understanding it's just gone now four minutes before 12 second Zealand for listening to the Canadian international energy consumed and for all of your responses, their last panels Alexander's all understanding and the other basic end of it is that if we don't agree, then at least I agree on this point, that we agree to disagree. That is the basis of it, we we agree to respect each other's opinions and respect each other's distance from each other. We want to stay distance from each other. We respect that also. That is the minimum that we can maintain each other has shifted Zealand to some of us uni my studio operator from this for

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this morning from Geneva certain this Thursday morning was Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato Castle.