Tap into your potential – 11.07.2013

Cinema alikum warahmatu Allahi wa barakato Mr. Mohammed Welcome to America on radio Islam International. And welcome to our guest was speaking to us from Durban whether it is camisa salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. wailuku. Salaam, WA.

If you see, like, you know, even in my style is there appear to be smiling? I'm here right in front of my wife, so I need to smile later. No, I never and I'm happy to hear

that I keep that my habit. Strong and forever. Yes, now she's pointing a finger at

911

got lots of pick up. Yeah, that's

one let's dig a little bit got a baby.

Very well, the Montana

Navy. We cannot thank Allah enough for Nepal is bountiful hamdulillah. And the challenge that we utilize every minute

in Korea, not Israel. And this opportunity will never get again, again, not one day in Ramadan. Lots can never be brought back in? Oh, yes, definitely not. In this way, we Alhamdulillah welcoming the Mubarak month of Ramadan, and lots of activity happening on lady Islam during these days as well as you judge, I'm sure on some of the things. Also. It's an umbrella. You know, I must commend the people associated with Islam. This Ramadan program, they're they're so creative. It's about connecting with people, paying tribute to people, sometimes we take these things for granted. And I'm so glad they're having a program, a tribute to teachers. And, you know, teachers have a very,

very profound impact on people. Like you said, a teacher never knows the influence can stop because he even affects the destiny of the child. And there are so many beautiful, beautiful quotation I teachers live forever in the hearts, they touch. So I'm so glad I'm sure listeners have teachers whose attitude was commitment with passion, whose understanding rarely had left an indelible impression. And as Muslims, this is the whole point, you know, we have to show gratitude, it's a it's a religion of gratitude, to be to be thankful to be thankful to Allah for all these bounties. No, it's definitely better to thank a person was alive and well, then shedding all the tears at the

graveside.

Yes, it is. And,

you know, we are always grateful to Allah subhanaw taala that he has blessed us with such good teachers, teachers of such caliber who have such great status and have such great qualification that Alhambra life is through these teachers who have taught us from the very basic of

the ABCs. And they have brought us up to where we are today. And we are able to impart what we have learned from them. Absolutely. And that this is a point that if I were to look back at my many years of teaching or being in the profession, I seen a complete metamorphosis or transformation attitudes of parents. And even learners, there was a time when teachers were held in high esteem at the way almost like the externalized, conscious of the community, the respected and we were very, very circumspect, when we're in the presence, even between the public place, if someone told us a teacher wasn't too far from here, it immediately impacted our behavior. And you find that, I just hope that

I know the I instances in many parents also give teachers the kind of reverence they ought to be given. And they are the ones that really inspire their own children a respect and love for the Mali mollema. And that is so critical, because if there is no respect from the very beginning, if there is an attitudinal problem, then what will happen? Then the teacher notwithstanding his sincerity and eloquence, will have little or no impact on the child because the child has no respect for him. And this is so fundamental and

I really hope

The parents of the collective agent sells show respect. I mean, you get those parents might argue, you know, we don't have those kinds of features today, it is developed to a point but they need a teachers are there professions of the prophet or not before the loneliest. And then they said very clearly that have come here as a teacher. And I found Alhamdulillah, that in the main, wherever I go, when I meet my ex pupils, and many of them are doing so well, in whatever they do. And many of them still look up to you with respect. And you think great joy, and great joy. When you see them doing well, you feel great joy, when they are learning to serve other people to get great joy, when

they are part of other institutions, and playing a very, very important role. And sometimes silently you think maybe, maybe I might have contributed my own little way. But I have no doubt the teachings of the collective have a profound impact I was reading some years ago. And you know, often you find a teacher, sometimes they blame the home, they blame the external environment, for the whole range of things. He said, with this kind of issues that impinge on what we do, how can we have a impact on human impact on our children, and I read the same is still true, he said that, while we may not have control about the environment, outside of school, but in school, we have the computer completely

charged of the environment, you know, we completely charged the environment, it's an environment, they can determine whether the environment is going to be a pleasant one, a healthy one, we can determine the ethos,

ethos Alhamdulillah, and I was reading yesterday,

you know, as a wonderful book, I'm not too certain came across this. It's called Nebraska life, a student's day at network olema moments occur naturally, a very, very powerful book about, you know,

the dark room, and the teachers that kind of respect the student had, and it's really something that I would recommend to people. And and I think it's important, and I hope also, especially in this day and age, that parents encourage their children to become teachers, they must encourage the child to become teachers, because I regard it as a noble profession. And now even once the people talk about the doctors and nurses it is a noble profession, that nothing is as powerful as the teacher.

It is by inshallah, as is in our program. Today, we are going to focus on on a few things, besides just being features. And from the law, they seem to be a lot mentioned about the teachers and the role that they play in the lives of the learners, and the profound impact that they have in China that will be discussed at length during the theater tribute but particularly with regards to our program. Today, we're going to be discussing relationships in shallow houses, and with regards to the improving relationships during the month of Ramadan using this opportunity of patients of shavon also not playing his role in spoiling relationships, and using this as an opportunity of improving

relationships in Shama nothing is

so significant that we need to speak about the I mean, one of the negatives you can leave with your children is teaching them how to deal with people. And you have all kinds of people, people with different attitude values, different temperaments, different social backgrounds, different material background, a different attitude towards ambition life and, and the many, many things and fortunately, is a child whose parents themselves are eloquent examples of how to deal with people how to deal with each other. And when children grew up in that environment, they will be able to adapt very, very easily to different situations with different kinds of people. And they know for

example, with a particular individual, they know exactly Listen, I cannot, you know, say certain things because I know he's sensitive to that. Or, for example, this particular individual has a very, very short fuse as it were. So I would need to use a lot more wisdom when I'm discussing an issue. And so relationships are very important than what is worth that, you know, it says

You need even the month of Ramadan, we find that even brothers sisters husband wife relationship has been acrimonious or bitter. And they continue that relationship. And and they think and sadly and see what is important. They think they're longer guided by five candidates. I finished many, many customs of the Quran, I pay my soccer I do all of those things. Even if I do not have a good relationship with my husband or wife, even if I do not forgive, I will forgive me. I mean, how can we make that assumption? How can you be so presumptuous? important? I mean, it's to me smacks of hypocrisy, that the person is so immersed in the Quran, yet, you have not embraced the teaching of

the Quran, he has not embraced the junction of the Quran. And that to me koperasi. So I think it's important is fundamental, that we reach out to other people. Even though even though you feel uncomfortable about even though you may proceed, developers will not respond to you. And one of the messages I put on Facebook the other day, I said that even if you are in pursuit of your own happiness, that doesn't give you a right to run roughshod over the feelings of people close to you, and even those that are concerned about.

And during this month of Ramadan, we Alhamdulillah protected from the evil whispers of shavon. And we are protected from shavon, causing rifts and causing splits between us and

inciting us to destroy relationships Alhamdulillah that is one boon it is in Yama from Allah subhanho wa Taala. And even throughout our lives, this lesson of shape and distancing himself away from us during the month of Ramadan is a lesson for the rest of our lives. That whenever we are faced with a choice of either making or breaking a relationship that we should do is eat alveolar immunity upon your machine and seek a less protection and in some houses through that Allah subhanho wa Taala will save us and Allah subhanho wa Taala will

maybe make it easy for us to rather save the relationship instead of destroying the relationship. That's very true. And this is the point. The point is that we need to ask ourselves this important question, in the month of Ramadan. With the former burqa, we don't have an opportunity, or rather this spring of shaytan is not impacting on your relationship with others. What is holding you back. And most significantly, you got to imagine yourself in the twilight years of your life. You are there, you're completely helpless. Now you're thinking back at your life, and ask yourself, what regrets would you have in terms of those relationships? Would you have any regrets? I mean, the last

thing you want is a renewed tie that the people's bubble was and people's may not,

you know, articulate it, but they feel deep down a kind of resentment. And what is worse, sometimes we draw the picture for the summons. janazah because of your own attitude towards the individual for me, you know, and I think it's for most people. To me, it's hypocritical that on the one hand, we are in the month of Ramadan, you know, seeking, you know, the you know, Allah forgiveness. You see, the first 10 days is murky and the second 10 day forgiveness allows to save us from the fire of hell. So we want to seek His forgiveness is begging for forgiveness, yet, we do not want to forgive other people. And to me it doesn't make sense.

Unless we cannot allocate as it is why we have situations when we have people that during the month of Ramadan as well. And other times they find it very difficult to be able to improve relationships and they find it that they aren't able to improve relationships. Do we really have people who just don't want to? Or is it that they don't have the capability within them to improve the presentation? I think there are many multisectorial On the one hand, there are people who like to be than throw themselves because what happens they're comfortable with themselves and you find the the call a kind of silence around them. There are others who have an exceptionally extreme low self esteem. They

cannot initiate the relationship. The anything is said by the other person the view to suspicion

depressed, nice everything, even the person had no intention of hurting, or even the words themselves will not necessarily hurt you, but because of your own ultra sensitivity that happens. And you'll find that especially in this day and age, when our children are growing up with gadgets, and he spoke about this last and we'll get some new social media, they are very, very exuberant in a good kind of conversation, maybe not to the other person, through Facebook, Twitter, and all the other paraphernalia, but yet you find them they are on a one to one they find difficult to find many of them are reluctant to go to social gatherings, they don't want to go for weddings, or when they

are lots of people. Because then you find, then they are obliged to interact, you're obliged to respond. So they it's many reasons. And therefore, as parents, I think it's important that we need to hold our kids social skills as part of being Ouma. Therefore, we are told by the burqa v salon, the mod is far greater than living at home, why do you need to perform Haji we can do their own time because we collectively, right because your your your patience is also tested, why we need to go out and seek a living, we've got to go out, we've got to do these things. So we got to be a part of humanity. And we need to interact with each other. But my heart goes out to those young people and

adults who feel socially very, very awkward. And what is even more painful and poignant is when they themselves when they get married, they somehow do not want to speak or share anything that goes on the heart, that also has an adverse effect on the relationship. So the reasons are multifactorial, some of them inner, the fear that, you know, they might be exposed because of the limited knowledge or the feeling secure. So it's a number of factors and therefore, an employee refer to this, I think all of us need to get to know who we are, we need to discover ourselves, we need to ask ourselves, what is it that motivates us? What is it you know, why is it that individual instead of 15 in any

company is able to adapt to the young, the old? I mean, what is it and if you speak to such individuals, many of them will probably tell you they can tell different kinds of fears, but how, you know, that dealt with those fears, and the kind of support they had around them? Yes, not all of us are going to be completely gregarious, and you know, fun loving and that kind of thing. And we all have different temperaments. But what is important the basic The bottom line is that you therefore there are two steps are number one because it's quite it's it's a beginning of the relationship. And I think that our children need far more confidence in that because instead of them

getting familiar with things they need to understand how to deal with people.

It is a you have to take a short break now and inshallah we'll come back just after the break. Continuing with our discussion. Stay tuned to Allah Masha conveyed Islam International.

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and Idris homies

Welcome back to America on radio Islam International. It is just 12 minutes before 12 and welcome back to our guest Dr. Ed service Assalamualaikum.

It is by speaking about relationships during the month of Ramadan, you are always on the ball with people asking you about advice asking you for advice about dealing with problems that we have in the relationships parents with children, marital problems, brothers, siblings, and other sorts of relationships. What sort of issues have you had to deal with over the past few weeks and give us an idea of what sort of issues social issues are positing the oma

know, there are many, many issues that are bothering the oma. I think one of the things that worries me is that if you look at the marital relationships is is one of them or both of them have given up when they themselves have said you know what, my husband will not change and you'll see my time. That worries me. But I tried to convince them that your husband will change

And this is the point. The point is, is that whenever someone makes an effort to go to a counselor, that the indications the matter, Honey, can you make the tone the same thing that the counselor can, it does not mean that the counselor is wasting his time I, whenever I meet with couples, I am an eternal optimist, I believe completely in endless mercy, that you walk towards Allah, Allah run towards you, there are people who have completely given up. So my strategy is, you know, that I would go out there, and I will not be hard or just try to win the support, and take it a step at a time. And there are many examples of when either one or both that initially given up, then they

became receptive and open to it. Give me a chance to look at things turn around, and disappoint. The point is that in relationships, you got to understand that no two people are the same. That you are a product of your own life experiences. And your partner is a product of our own life experiences. You might have been brought up in a home where there wasn't much discussion, conversation, laughter play to the tediousness and people spoke when they had to come very, very functional, they were not expressive about the emotions and love. And you yourself grew up in a home the complete opposite. So now, to expect to change a partner overnight, we will not be saved, if we change the temperature of

the person personality. And that is even more difficult. So I still want to eat what because this typical understanding that makes a huge difference. And I find that this is an area that couples need to understand that both of you products have different life experiences one aspect, the second thing that I want to really encourage parents, that from the time the child is born, and the child reaches, you know, a reasonable age of understanding, because to have in our homes, disciplinary measures, the children should not be allowed to do things with impunity. And you'll find that in the recent past, more and more, I have to say, you know, I'm so scared, you know, to reprimand My child,

in case you see them the way you want to think that, you know, our friends only spoke about that. We never, you know, if you take them to run away or

not. Hand, we know we'll come back. And so what I'm concerned with is almost like an emotional kind of blackmail. So I think it's important that parents, when you bring up your children record to create in your home, an atmosphere of love and affection. So children know, they cannot believe this home that the game leader and to live a life that is devoid of all of these things. And it's important they grow up, because you cannot protect your kids from consequences and accountability. That's the second. The third thing that is a very grave concern is that nowadays, there's an inversion in the values that parents, kids are reprimanding the parents. The numbers are decreasing.

It's unbelievable. Where a son can get the money, father mother is here to tell you anything. And this is the other area that I'm dealing with. And of course, the many other areas. But the long and short of it only. You know, if you ask me, why is this all happening? I think there are a number of reasons. Number one,

I think we have forgotten what our role and purpose is.

You know, as a father, what is my role? As a mother? What is my role? Secondly, I think we have forgotten that Allah is a provider, that we think we are the persons that are providing meals for the family. And once you realize that, then you'll begin to surrender yourself more and more to Allah. And you'll be like the bird that leave the nest on an empty stomach to return with a full stomach. And once you understand that, because you find that you look at people today. They have lost the spontaneity, they don't smile. They are preoccupied in company. They look depressed. They don't bring joy to other people. And they are fighting meaning the concern about things that unlike

me, the promise of Allah is a provider that I think the more we learn to understand that the more confidence and faith you have in Allah will see the doors opening and if you are willing to

Make your employers as your demigod,

and taking good care of yourself with them is like a committee shirt, you know, that. That's another area. The fourth area is that, you know, we have forgotten the value of extended family, we have forgotten to interact with them. And it's important when kids grow up with extended family and relationships are harmonious, the neighboring one can have a profound impact on our children. And the last point, I mean, because of time is that many of our kids today

have products of internet, or television, video games, and all of that. And as a result, we become so obsessed with it, that they have literally no time to interact with the family. So the long and short of it is we are in the month of Ramadan. Let us refocus on our purpose letters, reconnect letters have a timetable, for example, decided, you know, that you need one part of the procedure, the

reader will see, we will talk to each other, we make sure that you spend enough time, you know, interact with each other create a peace and harmony at home. And you need to have an objective and every family has have their own goals, you know?

Yes. It's so important what you mentioned. Now, it is by about people who are finding themselves in company and they're not

interacting with people they don't know how to talk, they don't know how to speak to people, they don't know how to strike a conversation. There's there's absolutely nothing that is happening. Now. It is very Remember last week I told you about my kids and that I took away.

Yes.

And this way, I can tell you that there is a tremendous marked marked improvement in in the way we talk the way they interact with each other the way we interact with us their responsiveness when we talk to them. And they'd be like missing it. They're not missing. They're not asking for pay. They asked for literary occasions, if please can you bring it for us, but they're not in that stage of craving for it or having sort of relapse, and things like that. And I would definitely suggest it to all parents. And I would say that if you want to get your children back in, you want to really have children, then then take away all the devices from them. Absolutely, because I mean, studies have

shown that these devices called ADHD, anger, temper tantrum, a whole range of the defects in the mind. It stifles the creativity, you find that it has a profound impact on the it's also developed, fixated on the self esteem. And this is a point to see Montana and defend what you are saying is that one of the things that you need to understand that children grow up, they say, I do this because it makes me happy. Now, it does not mean because something makes you happy, it is the right thing to do. So sometimes some people say I'm happier for interacting with people, it does not make it right. So I think we need to understand that we need to develop in our homes.

And I'm so glad monana what you have done you're leading by example. And you got to make sure you sustain creativity and how you spend your free time. It's you know, we need to do that and incorporate remember love for reading. We need to socialize with them they can have fun also within a particular framework and industry. Again, many people who are members a friend of mine once said to be the house was being renovated and and as a result you know that there was no TV room nothing of the sort. The family had to see each other enough for most parts of the day when they were wrong and make each kid knocking himself in his own bedroom. They're looking at his own television and as

a result I mean they were just leaving their their functional they were biologically connected but not spiritually emotionally connected.

Yes,

it is my brings us to the end of our program today and we thank you for your time in Sharma has us we will speak to you next week Thursday. inshallah Milan do remember

we are lucky to strong completely by this the other day adjusting to run a program

about

testing and may continue to inspire, inform insha Allah Allah bless you look up the interpreter. I mean, I mean just like wanna say ladies first mid Kumamoto Mahabharata

Local phenomenon

that was recently speaking to us from Devon this morning she from Zealand my studio operator brothers here and inshallah I'll be back with you on Saturday on the managers on the air program from Tunisia said Salaam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh