Parent – Child Relationship.- Gaberone
Channel: Ebrahim Bham
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Salam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
wa Salatu was Salam O Allah Mallanna Viva La Mulana via bada bada de la vida kitabi hola Sharia Tabata Shariati Amadou folder wilhemina shaytani r rajim Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem wakawaka bukanlah, Abu Illa
Allah de Santa Santa colonialism, respected elders and brothers.
We begin by praising Almighty Allah subhanho wa Taala for all the favors Allah has bestowed upon us and we send salutations upon our beloved nivia Kareem sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
brothers we are also in the month of review.
And we always believe that to talk about any aspect of our beloved Nivea cream sauce from
any point any aspect of his life in any time of the year is always full of blessings. And inshallah, during this visit inshallah, tonight we will be speaking about various aspects of the life of our beloved Nivea cream sauce alum. And in that I would like to today inshallah concentrate on human relationships. And that will be how maybe a cream sauce alum interacted with people. And part of the interaction that happens perhaps the most in human fraternity is the interaction between parents and children. So while we will be speaking about our beloved nebia Kareem saw some interaction and what we learn from them, in tonight's program, Today, I would like to discuss this aspect of parent
children relationship. And we know this is a very unique relationship. After all, the parents are the means of our coming into this world. And because of that, they have a very special relationship and they have a special right and they have special privileges and together with a privilege, they also have responsibilities. In the short time that has looked at that align the only parameter diet which I have recited says Allah has decreed Allah tabula Yahoo that you worship, no one besides a law will validate Sonam and you'll be kind towards your parents, and you'll be good towards your parents many times in the Holy Quran. Allah makes mention of the rights of parents, together with
Allah, which gives the impression that after the rights of Allah subhanho wa Taala the most supreme right is that of parents anishka Lee while you are today, be grateful to me says Allah and then be grateful to your parents. So Allah subhanho wa Taala says Be kind towards your parents. What is worth you have attention here is
nowhere in the Holy Quran or even in the hadith of Nivea cream sauce alum does Allah C'mon, parents to be kind or love the children? Nowhere? Nowhere Do you find that Allah tells the parents to love children, because there comes instinctively parents will sacrifice greatly for the sake of the children. But many a times children do not do likewise. Therefore ally has to tell them Allah has to remind them be kind towards your parents. Nowhere Do you find Allah tala telling the parents love your children, because that comes naturally. So Allah subhanho wa Taala says what will validate Yes, Anna, be kind towards your parents. Then Allah subhanho wa Taala says in my app lohana in the Kalki
para Houma Oklahoma, now there comes a very important part and point in everyone's life. And that is when a person becomes old, no matter how much we try and run away from that particular aspect. The fact of the matter is that everyone becomes old. And when you become old, you also have certain types of
characteristics that come in together with your old age. And this is the reality, you know, old age got its own particular type of characteristics. Sometimes a person might become more difficult. So they say an old person went to a doctor, and when he went to a doctor, he said, I got headaches and I get frequent headaches. No doctor said old age. Then afterwards he said, My Oh, my back pains a lot. So the doctor said old age. And then he said I also get you know, a lot of pain in my knees.
So the doctor said old age so the old man got very, very angry, you know, isn't everything I said, you saying old age? Can I come in ask you to come and tell me about my age or come and get treated by you? And you got angry and he got angry with a doctor. And the doctor said that is also because of old age. So old age has got his characteristics. So Allah subhanho wa Taala says it when your parents become old, what do you do? In my opinion, I look at the beauty of the Holy Quran. In my approval Kalki para Houma Oklahoma, if one of them or both of them become
do not even say to them in this respect. Yes, during the course of they becoming old, they might become more difficult. The common trend in the world today of modern thinking is they become a burden, they become old. Therefore, let us put them in one corner isolated perhaps in an old age home. We don't have to worry about them. They don't have to care about them. That is how the materialistic West thinks about how we deal with parents at that age. Maybe we sacrifice upon our Deen It teaches us a complete different philosophy. It tells us Yes, when they become old, they might become more difficult. But that is a time for you to show more kindness to them. There is a
time for you to gain gender by serving them. Let me aquarium's Allah Allah wa sallam on one occasion, you know, said may that person be cursed and Nivea cream sauce and I'm sad three times. And when they said Yara Sula, who were you referring to? Then amongst the three persons that may occur in sauce lamb said nobody sauce them said that person who gets one or both of his parents in old age and he fails to gain Jenna by serving them. Look at the difference. The material world tells us they become a burden put them away so they don't interfere in your quote unquote lifestyle. And what does our Sharia says? Here's an ideal opportunity for you to gain janma he might have Luanda
indical, Kibera, Roma, Oklahoma, if one of them or both of them become old Don't even say to them in this respect. I wonder sometimes woof is
a sentence of displeasure. any aspect of displeasure today we find many times our young people when their parents tell them something they say, you know, go go, that would be the equivalent of Don't even say that to your parents. wakulla wuma, Colin Karima speak to them in honorable terms, speak to them with kindness, and then lower your wings of humility towards them and make dua for them Rama, camara, zerah, Allah have mercy upon them, the way they had mercy upon us when I was in my infancy, when my infancy, they sacrifice, they sleep, they sacrifice the comfort, if a child had to cry, in the middle of the night, the sleep of the parents becomes Haram, because of fear out of concern with
regard to why my child is crying. So Allah the way they mercy for me when I was small, have mercy upon them when they are in the old age. Well, there's one important point that I would like to say, and I've, I speak to many people, and many times people say, yes, but my parents do like this, my father did this, my this did that. Trying to justify lack of respect for them. One point I would like to say this is very important. Allah in the Quran, has told us to respect and show kindness to parents, Allah didn't tell us that they have to earn your respect.
They don't have to earn your respect. That's a different method, how they are supposed to deal with themselves in a manner that they command respect, that's a different matter. But for children, Allah subhanho wa Taala had said, respect and show kindness to your parents, not that they have to earn your respect. You have to respect them because the Quran tells you, you have to respect them because the Sharia tells you not that they have to earn your respect, maybe a green sauce, and I'm told as a smart interview worker, when her mother came and the mother was a non Muslim, and she came and said, jasola How am supposed to treat my mother who's a Muslim,
Muslim said, treated with kindness. So they don't have to earn your respect. We have to respect one another. The Quran says that amongst our parents, we also know that we respect this something else obedience is something else. Respect we have to give. Obedience is only to Allah subhanho wa Taala. Let atoma floofy masyado Holic if anyone of the maruchan creation tells you to disobey Allah subhana wa Taala they are no mercy of obedience. But there is a great difference between respect and obedience. Obedience is only up to Allah subhanho wa Taala. If the parents tell you something which is MOBA or permissible, yes, you have to you have to obey obey them. But if they tell you something
to do an act of sin, then you are not they are not worth your obedience but they are still with you.
They are still with you of respect. And amongst the parents, Allah subhanho wa Taala has given special mention with regard to the rights of the mother. And perhaps one of it is because of the mother's great amount of sacrifice for the child. You know, gelato de Rue Mira cola is a very amazing person. Now very great scholar Sufi is given many great, great beautiful advisors. So one of his beautiful advice was they say that one day there was a debate between the mother and the father who makes more sacrifices for the children. So the father said, I get up early, in the morning, I put bread on the table, I go out to go and see that there is risk, I see the lights and water is
paid, I see that there is groceries in the in the house, all of that. And the mother close the argument with these beautiful words and said, Don't compare your sacrifices to my sacrifice. You go the seat of your child, when it was like, I bought the seat of my child when it was heavy. You bought the seed of your child for a short period of time? Yeah. What do you mean by this will be Ouattara, I bought the seat of my child for nine months. You drop the seed of your child in a fit of pleasure and enjoyment. I drop the seed of my child in pain nearing death, who are you to compare your sacrifices to my sacrifice? That is why maybe a trim saw Scylla when he was asked and said, who
must I show the greatest respect and kindness to himself and said your mother and then massage them, said your mother. Then he said, then you're Rasulullah then your mother. Then
fourth time he said your father, brother sometimes it is a position to cry in this world. One mother will look after five or six children. When she gets old. six children can look after one mother. What is wrong with our morals in our values in the world today that our mother will look after six children without one complaint. And when she becomes old, six children can take care of one mother they find it burdensome. So Allah subhanho wa Taala has given great amount of kindness and respect that is supposed to be shown to parents
who used to have this used to go every morning to find out with regard to his, his mother. And he used to go and speak to I'd find out about his welfare. And he used to address the saying that oh my mother may Allah subhanho wa Taala have mercy upon you. And kindness towards you the way you show kindness towards us when we were young. And the mother used to say, oh my son, may Allah subhanho wa Taala show respect and Allah subhanho wa Taala gives you the best of everything the way you have looked after me I'm in my old age. That is the way we are supposed to be. In fact, many times people were might've have parents who might have passed on and part of that is our responsibility towards
them does not end now via creme de la la Islam was as bad as hobby one said he said that what can I do? If my my parents have passed on? What can I do for them? You know, so beloved Nivea cream sauce them said, when a person continues making dua for his parents after he has passed away. Even if he was this obedient to them in his life, Allah subhanho wa Taala will count him as an obedient person. So make dua for your parents, make whatever good deeds you can on the name, and maybe a cream sauce himself, treat a family kindly and honor the friends, honor the Friends of your parents who might have passed on. As a beloved member of the lot on one day, there was a villager who came and have to
live no Maria loutra who showed him great amount of respect and kindness more than what perhaps people felt he was due because of him coming from not a very urbanized background, you know, uncomfortable very simple background samosa. Abdullah, why did you show him so much respect? What amazing thing he said he was close to my father.
He was close to my father, therefore I showed him respect. For others. This is a values of Islam. If only we can bring it into our life, you will see such a great difference in our social interaction and social life, but together with the rights of the parents, which I've just spent some time making mention of you must also bear in mind what a privilege comes a very great responsibility. Allah tala together with the rights that is due to them, is also a great responsibility upon parents to look after the children. This is also something that we cannot divorce from this particular topic. Allah subhanho wa Taala says, the Salah was, Alia, commando family members to perform salat wa stubbie
rally and be steadfast support it yourself. Now, just look at
beauty of the Holy Quran De Luca risca. We don't ask you about the risk and provision and sustenance.
Allah says we will care for them. Allah uses you to provide for your children.
And yes, it is a responsibility for you to provide risk for them. But the greater responsibility is to see to the moral and spiritual upbringing, something which you and I today brothers do not even regard as a responsibility as parents. You know, in martial Quran, an English translation of the Quran and a commentary by Mufti Shafi sobre la la, he quotes the Scirocco Toby. And he says that when Yusuf alayhi salatu was Salam was made the king of Egypt we all know the whole incident of Yusuf Alayhi Salaam from the beginning till the end, and eventually, his father jacobellis la Salaam, who was under the impression that Yusuf Ali Salaam had passed away after 40 years.
When the news is given to Yusuf alayhi salaatu wa Salaam, his brothers, that were Jawaharlal Camus go go back and go and go and put this quota on the eyes of my father. He is blind, his eyesight will be restored.
And then when they left when they left Egypt, in Palestine, Jacobo wasallam is telling the people who around him in Nila jidori Joseph, I can smell the fragrance of Yusuf lowland to Fundy Dune Cabo de la him the canopy the radical for him. They say that no, you have gone astray. Yusuf Ali Salam is lost, you know, 40 years ago Is he alive now. And eventually they came with a good news that Yusuf Alayhi Salam is alive, and not only alive is prospering and is flourishing. And they bring the courtown Yusuf alayhi salam, he puts it on his eyes, his eyesight is restored. And then he asked the people, and he asked me, he said, Tell me, how is my use of
how is my use of and they said Yusuf is the king of Egypt. He has been given full power and authority to do whatever he wants in Egypt. So Jacobo as salaam said, I am not asking you whether he is the king of Egypt.
I'm asking you what is the demand of use of Elisa?
How is he obeying Allah subhanho wa Taala.
This brothers is something that today we don't take as part of our responsibility. It is such a great responsibility, that in today's time, if we do not take this responsibility serious, we can see what is happening to our youth. And I don't want to go into a long type of, you know, the aspect with regard to it. But we all know what is happening today with regard to our youth, we all know the challenges of modern day parenting. And in today, you can say something, parenting isn't for cowards. We have to take responsibility with regard to what our children doing, in a way that I'm not in any way suggesting that we must go towards the old way of punishing them and hitting them
that is going to be counterproductive. All I'm saying that this is a very, very great responsibility. more so because of the temptations of the age, we are living in the temptations, our young children today are facing a far more than what we faced. And it is a great challenge. And you have peer pressure, you have environment, you have technology, you have drugs, you have all of those particular type of things, which our young people are facing, we're not gonna make it easy for them. But like I said, we take it lightly that this environment is such that it is always taxing upon the morals of our young people. And if they are not going to get support from the parents, may Allah
subhanho wa Taala forbid, they would not be able to face those temptations. This is a time more than ever, that today. Parents have to be active parents. You know, a few weeks ago, I spoke about the scourge of drugs. And during the course of making some research about it, I spoke to some counselors to say what exactly is happening? Why are people getting into drugs, the way it was never before. So one of the counselors told me said Maulana one day I was speaking to a young person, I was speaking to a young person who had gone towards some form of bad friends which could have led him towards the path of evil wrongdoing, drugs, etc. So the counselor said as a youngster, you come from such a good
family. What makes you go in this company that is not you know that a company that could lead you towards something that is negative? What made you go there? So the youngster tells the counter and said, my friends make me feel special.
My friends make me feel special. Then the counselor said I asked him, Who else do you want to make you feel special?
So the youngster turned on and said I want my father to make a difference.
I want my father to make me feel
Special, why should he be made to feel special by his friends and not in his own house? If we are not going to give our children that type of support that may Allah subhanaw taala forbid, they might go into that particular situation. There are various types of parenting, I can just sort of very briefly give you something, you know, today you can have these four types of parenting, you can be an authoritarian, you just tell him you do this, whatever I tell you, and you broke no argument. And you don't, you don't do this, listen to what I'm saying. Now that might bring short term results. But what actually happens is you suppress behavior, and you suppress what they're going to do, they
might do something wrong, but they might do it behind your back. But this is one way authoritarian. Another wing is permissive type of parenting. You just allow your children to do whatever you want disasters, if you're going to take that particular way. One is Elisa spear type of thing. I don't care what they do, if they do good, so So basically, they do pets, ob. And there's another type of parenting, which in today's time, many counselors are telling us that we should do and that is become a negotiator with your child children. start negotiating with their children, speak to them, set limits, be able to be able to say, okay, you want to do this, go and do it. But do it with these
limits. I will give you leeway up to a year. But I want you to show me that you can behave responsibly with us. And that is a reality that perhaps in today's time, not because it's an ideal, but because of the situation that we must seriously consider. You know, they say in a previous times, our parents used to you know, give quite a bit of punishment. But in today's time what actually happened punishment suppresses behavior. Punishment suppresses bad behavior, discipline changes behavior. Parents in today's time have to discipline children not punished.
But this is such a great responsibility, my dear brothers, let me conclude with this beautiful night of the Quran, which Allah subhanho wa Taala has made mention of the responsibility of parents. Yeah, you will live in Monaco and fusa como de coonara. Oh, you who believe save yourself and your family members from the fire of Jana. Not only yourself, save your family members from the fire of Jana. If I can give a scenario with regard to this, if you know me, and is giving us a hypothetical example. I'm not giving it inshallah never happens to anyone. Imagine you coming driving home, you know, at the end of your day's work. And you see that there is fire in the background fire in the vicinity
where your house is, and you say no must be someone else's house, maybe a felt fire, etc. And you don't worry about it. But as you come closer, who said it's very close to my home, your concern starts raising. And then when you come very close to your home, you see that is your own fire and your own house that is on fire. And now you worry about the safety of your wife and your children. And you rush. The police stop you the ambulance stop you the fire brigade stop you. And you said no, I have to go into my house. Because it's your house. They allow you to go by and you come near your house and you see your wife and your two children are safe. outside the house in Shangri La, then
you say but what happened to my other third child? He was in university but today he had to stay behind because he was studying. He's still in the house at that particular time. You see your child from inside the house waving to you and said, Oh, my father saved me. What will you and I do when I know what I will do? I will throw caution to the winds to go and save my child. Brothers. This is what is in this world. This is what is in the world. Now look at what this ayah says. Save your family and your children from the fire of Jana. This example is small compared to that particular other, find ways to be able to bring some sort of demand and taqwa in our children. Allah tala tells
us foo and foo Sakuma Li Kumara and together with it, take the take the help of Italian sauce limited three people's gwasanaeth rejected. One of them is a parents for the children. As a member of Hari Rama Talalay is very well known that he was blind. Right? And his mother made to offer him may to offer him for five years continuously. One day, she saw he was
giving her great ideas. Allah has restored the eyesight of your child. Then he became a mum Oh, honey, brothers, this is a reality. So Allah tala has in this parent child relationship. It's a very unique relationship, in that there is responsibilities from both sides, the responsibility of the children towards the parent, which I've made in the beginning of the lecture. And then of course, there's also the responsibility that comes upon the parents towards the children. May Allah make us such that we have the right balance in terms of the children showing respect and kindness towards the parents and the parents absorbing the responsibility of bringing up the children in a way
That would be good. And we'll save him from the fire.
Walk through that one
as well as mentioned in the beginning and as mentioned as well, and
for that we'll be having a similar problem with a proper way.
We'll be speaking on the topics of a logline.