Social System of Islam 41 – Marital Relations Childrens Rights

Jamal Badawi


Channel: Jamal Badawi


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The host of a first program discusses the rights of marriage in Islam, including privacy and the need for the husband to provide permission for women to go out of their homes. The importance of privacy and the need for the wife to hold a legal opinion is also emphasized. The segment discusses the history and importance of men and women in marriage, including the need for privacy and the need for the wife to hold a legal opinion. The segment concludes with a discussion of the rights of children and upbringing, including the right to live, care for parents, and upbringing.

Transcript ©

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In the name of God the benevolent the Merciful, the creator and Sustainer of the universe Peace and blessings upon a servant and Mr. Mohammed forever amin, I greet you with our usual greetings on the Islamic focus program. A greeting has been used by all the prophets from Abraham to the Prophet Muhammad, the universal greetings of peace, assalamu Aleikum, which means peace be unto you. I'm your host hammer Rashid. Today we start our 41st first program in our series dealing with the social system of Islam. We'll be continuing our discussion of husbands rights, and beginning with some discussion of the rights of children in Islam. I have joined me on the program as usual. Dr. Jamal

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bradway of St. Mary's University by the Jamal Assalamu alaykum cinema, could I ask you to very quickly summarize and highlight the main points that we touched on last week in our discussion of husbands rights. Okay, last week was a continuation of the rights of the husband, and not particularly the question of leadership within the family and quote unquote, the obligation of the wife towards him to obey Him. And we talked about the evidence from that, in the same prophetic tradition. We have also examined some of the basis upon which some people interpreted this obedience on the part of the wife to mean superiority of the husband. And we have shown that in accordance

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with Islamic law, in letter and spirit, this is not the case at all. We have also looked into some of the main reasons why this responsibility of leadership and maintenance for the family is primarily on the shoulders of the husband.

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But the most important thing that we try to try to emphasize is that obedience in Islam, whether it relates to marital relationship, or otherwise, is not an absolute submissive obedience at all. Because the opposite of obedience is only due to God. And any obedience to any other human being is only derived from that. And as such, it is restricted and limited obedience. It must also be obedience in areas which relate more directly to the rights of the husband. It should be obedience in something which is equitable, fair, and customary. And finally, that the Quran it says even the first of the consultation, mutual consultation between husband and wife, even in matters of, of

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circling after divorce.

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To conclude, this may be just add one more saying of the Prophet that shows that it is a matter of balance of rights and responsibilities rather than superiority or inferiority. The Prophet once was asked as narrated and attacked him.

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He was it was addressed to Him, who among all people, has the greatest right or claim on the woman. He said, her husband, then he was asked, Who among all the people has the greatest claim on the men? He said, his mother.

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See, there's kind of equitability here in the distribution of care rights and responsibility.

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Now, some of the viewers of the program may say that this sounds very fine and a great theory and so on a concept that we could support. But what about the real life? And I'm asked the question, how can we apply all of what you said, in a practical way in the day to day life of a couple? Well, fortunately, speaking, the teaching of Islam doesn't just give some broad generalizations or motherhood statements, many times we find also some explicit clarification, especially for the major and sensitive issues. But we have indicated in a previous discussion that a woman also is responsible is leaders, and she is responsible for household and in Islamic law, it was indicated

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that Islam exempted the woman from being the providers or primary provider for the for the family. It means then that she has also some kind of similar obligation to be a primary responsible for the household. It follows from this more explicitly, that it would be unreasonable to expect that the woman would leave or the wife would leave her home without the permission or knowledge of her husband or his consent.

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And this is mentioned specifically in several saying of the Prophet, especially as narrated in attacking. But even then there are some qualifications for that, too.

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It doesn't mean that a woman, under no circumstances cannot leave her home without the consent of her husband. Example, as I indicated before, the obligation of the individual is primarily to guard before it is to a husband, wife or anybody else. And Islam requires every Muslim For example, to go for pilgrimage once in a lifetime, she can go if the husband if he was even without his approval.

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They added also that there may be a situation where the husband is not helping his wife to learn about her faith. And since learning is an obligatory duty on every Muslim, male and female, if the husband fails to provide that she may go out of your home and for example, go to the mosque, to listen to Islamic topics and learn about her faith. other circumstances like when the land of Muslims are invaded,

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whereby every man woman, and anybody who was able to participate in the defense of warding off the invaders can go even without permission, some jurors put it this way.

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Of course, this also does not necessarily mean that every time the woman wants to go out with our house, she goes like people go in there work boss, can I please go out or make a slip and he has to sign and seal approved, the spirit of it is not really like that. An example of this is a woman, for example, who goes regularly to work and her husband consent that there is no negative impact on the family affairs, if she continue working. Once she doesn't have to seek a permission every time. If she knows that it's okay that she's getting a blank approval to go out for shopping or visiting her relatives or friends. It may not necessarily be getting his consent every time But the idea here is

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the should be some reasonable discipline and the in the family affair, so the husband is entitled to know where his wife is. Another manifestation also if we really were to put it in more, Frank outline also is that if the greatest claim, according to the prophetic tradition of the great stamp on the wife is the rights of the husband. It follows then that her obligations toward her husband supersedes her obligation to other relatives, including even her parents. This does not say that a woman is not obliged to be righteous and to be kind and considerate to her parents. But it simply means that if these rights come into conflict, then the rights of the husband prevails. And I know

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personally have some cases of family disputes. What for example, the parents would tell either the husband or the wife something about his spouse and even tried to push them to separate them from each other. In which case the again the right of their spouse should proceed any advice even from parents which might be detrimental to the integrity and stability of their family

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or the case where the parents say All right, come with us for two months trip to the Bahamas or whatever and the husband says your children need you definitely the rights of the husband would would have to supersede here another are certain manifestations that if the the work of the husband requires him to travel, she is required to go with him. If he changes residence, she has no right to say I can't move with you. There are exceptions. However, if in the nuptial contract in the marriage contract, a condition was put to the effect that you will not leave the country or the city or whatever. Then according to managers, this is enforceable she can refuse. As we have indicated in

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some previous programs also, if the residence or dwelling that the husband is offering to his wife does not meet the minimum basic standard in Islamic law, like lack of safety or security or basic necessities, she can also refuse to move or if the husband like the chapter 65 in the Quran, change residence in order to deliberately hurt his wife, she may not be required, but otherwise she has to, you know, move with him wherever he he goes because after all, he is the provider of the family. A first manifestation is that if the wife happened to be working, and the husband feels that they're continuing to work full time is detrimental to the interests of her infants or children and to the

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stability of her family. He has the right to ask her to quit unless of course in the marriage contract.

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This was put as a proposal, that's as a condition that you should accept that Or else, you know,

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marriage would not go through.

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There are however, even some exceptions to that you'd be surprised.

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According to Abu hanifa, one great jurist, he said that in the Muslim community, there is something called for the cafe, which means a collective responsibility that some people should do it. If, for example, a wife happens to be trained as a midwife to help in delivery of Vegas, for example, and she's needed and her expertise is required, according to Abu hanifa, if there is such necessity, then she may not necessarily be required to obey Him, she she has to go when there is a pressing need to do that type of work. A fifth manifestation, Is that why you should not allow or entertain any guests and her husband's house without his consent, or permission, there have been references to

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that in it no major and utter misery and other differences, a sixth manifestation, she cannot dispose of his property without his permission, except, of course, the exception discussed in previous programs like providing for herself and her children.

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And finally, a wife also should not deny her husband illegitimate sexual access. Now, that's it.

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That point is a rather delicate point. And I wonder if I could perhaps have you just

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elaborate on a little bit further in order that we won't have any misunderstanding about it, perhaps you could explain the the basis for it, and then the limitations that come with it. Okay, perhaps you kind of start from the basis of marriage that was discussed previously. And one of the men inherent

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purposes purpose of marriage in Islam is to provide this mutual comfort in every respect, physical, psychological, spiritual, of all sorts. And it's not only according to Islam, but according to traditions in virtually any country or any place any point of history. Sociologists, for example, tell us that legitimate sexual access to one's own spouse is one of the main reasons or one of the main purposes of marriage, it follows from this that it would be rather unfair for either side, to deny access to deny that access have intimate relationship to his or her spouse. And we have seen in previous programs that Islamic law does not look into things one sided just for the sake of male or

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female, you might recall that at one point is what it was mentioned that one of the main rights of the wife over her husband is to have this satisfaction of her instinctive needs. And we have seen again, what is said about that in Islamic law, and what possible ways of enforcement, if that right is not respected. So again, By the same token, it would be rather unfair also for the wife to deny access to herself to her legitimately wet husband, which would lead him of course to be extremely uncomfortable. And that's not the purpose really, of of marriage. For that reason, we find that there are several saying of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him as narrated in Abu Dawood Bukhari

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Muslim and Atma,

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indicating that when the husband invites his wife, for intimate relationship, she should not refuse without adjust or reasonable cause.

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In fact, even in some acts of worship, like voluntary fasting, voluntary, that's beyond the compulsory fasting in Ramadan, the month of Ramadan, or voluntary pilgrimage, that the wife should not engage in that without the permission of harassment, because in Islamic law, the husband cannot, for example, have close relationship with his wife when she or he, either of them is fasting. And pilgrimage also involves Long, long travel and the provision of this, I'm not talking about the compulsory the compulsory fasting, a compulsory pilgrimage, the wife has every right to do it without her husband's permission, but this extra which infringe on his right must be with some kind

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of understanding and consent on his part, but I should make a caution also precautionary note here, that this does not necessarily mean that the husband should be

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inconsiderate to the sickness of his wife or the case where she is extremely tired or exhausted and just make unreasonable type of demands. In fact, he would be barred, even according to Islamic law, from seeking this intimate relationship if if his wife, for example, is fasting during the compulsory months of Ramadan or during the

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Monthly period or in the postnatal

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periods of recovery, these are all forbidden. And regardless whether he wants or not, the issue should not allow him. as such.

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One should really add to this and conclusion that Islam, which strongly prohibited adultery and fornication. And in its regard also to the nature of the male instinct, this kind of teaching and regulations would be very important not just for the sake of the husband, but for the sake of the integrity of the family, and to prevent any temptation to commit any evil outside the wholesome boundaries of the family.

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Now, there's a related issue, and that has to do with the obligation of the wife with respect to housework, what is the what does the Islamic law have to say about about that dishwashing and laundry, dishwashing and laundry and so on? Well, the Quran provides a broad guidance to this particular issue. For example, in chapter two and verse 228. I think I quoted that in a previous program. While Mr. Levy Allah hinted Morrow, that's for women or wives, there are rights over their husbands similar to the rights of their husbands over them in fairness and equity.

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But strangely enough, you'll be surprised to know that a great number of Muslim jurists, and this included such a towering figures

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as the some of the leaders of the major schools of jurisprudence and Islam,

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like magic, Shafi and Abu hanifa, who conclude that a woman is not legally in Islam, required to do the household because this is not an implicit or explicit part of the marriage contract. But wait a minute, I'm not calling for any rebellion. The first of wise.

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That's their rationale, however, we find that some other jurists differ with them. According to Matt, for example, he says that, if we really look at it, in the light of the verse just cited, that women has rights equivalent to the rights of the rights of their men or husbands over them.

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And if it is the customary and first things as the Quran, use the term the fair and customary thing is that the husband, or the male side of the family, has been equipped and prepared by God to be the main provider for the family. And that's his primary responsibility. It follows also that God has prepared the wife also to be more qualified and more equipped to look after the internal operation of the household.

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So there is nothing really inequitable, on each of them specialized are having this role differentiation, which I think make a whole lot of sense if we look at it not in terms of selfish position, but rather the welfare of the totality of the of the family.

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And the additional evidence that some jurist also say that the wife should bear is responsible mainly for household is that in the days of the Prophet peace be upon him as narrated in both Bukhari and Muslim. When his own daughter Fatima, came to complain that she and her husband Holly have so much work to do, and her hand was blistering from, you know, grinding the grains for food and all that. And she, they asked if the Prophet can appoint a servant, and the Prophet despite of his ability to appoint he refused. And he actually divided the work between them and he said, Ali, you look after the work outside of the home and Fatima, you look after the work inside the

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household. So if it is legally forbidden for a woman to do any housework, the Prophet would have said, Alright, you don't have to do it, but you may do it. A similar thing was narrated also about asmat, the daughter of Abu Bakar. That's that she she reported that she used to serve her husband and look after his horse even and carry things or grains over her head from his farm some distance away from their home. And again, like some jurors say, Well, this was done only by way of voluntary action on their part, but they were not really required. But the other jurists say that it is not necessarily so because the Prophet would at least indicate that you're not required to do that, but

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you may do it, but he agreed with this. However, I should add that the question of household is not a method that is determined only on strict legalism. The whole purpose of marriage as Islam has given us the mutual cooperation, love and reciprocity and it did

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On each case and under circumstances example, I think it'd be rather unfair. And I'm sure many ladies also would agree with me on this, that the husband would sweat for the whole day, especially if he has a really hard work to do to provide for his family. And the wife stays home to watch all kinds of shows on TV. He walks into the house and say, Oh, honey, why don't you go and cook something for us? do the laundry, wash the dishes, and clean the house, there is nothing wrong doing that work, but it sounds rather uncooperative and unfair to not to distribute the burden reasonably between husband and wife. But on the other hand, it is also rather unfair. And I'm sure that many of

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the male audience will also agree with me that the husband would not disregard his wife suffering if she's sick or tired, say, all right, no, that's not my jurisdiction, just like job specification in factories. It's not within my job specification, you do it, that would be rather unfair, or to invite 25 people for dinner, and then refuses to help with any dish washing or cleaning in the aftermath. I mean, it depends on the situation itself. And it's a matter of really cooperation rather than insistence on my duty and your duty. This provides more for a setting of balanced and equitable rights and responsibilities with role differentiation with equity, but not necessarily

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mathematical, superficial, equality, equity, which is more important justice and balance in the totality of rights and responsibilities. Now, in the time that we have remaining today's program, I'd like to move to some discussion of the rights of children in Islam. I wonder if I could have you perhaps give us an explanation of the basic categories of rights of children? Well, basically, even though juris might divided a little differently, the way I tried to put it together really taking different opinions is that there could be three basic rights or broad categories of rights of children in Islam. One is the right to life. Secondly, is the right of

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clears lineage and certainly the right of proper care and proper upbringing,

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broadly speaking, yeah. Okay, well, perhaps we could begin to explore each one of them in turn, when you say right to life, right? Could you explain what you mean by that? Well, more specifically, to realize that the life of the child is something that you don't grant as parent, it all comes from God, the God who gave you life, he gave also the life to that child. And as such, nobody, no human has the right to tamper with that life without justification. This model specifically implies that abortion is prohibited in Islam unless it's for, you know, very extenuating circumstances like saving the life of the mother. And that was discussed before. It means also that one should not take

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the life of his children or kill them. Of course, some people might say, well, is that something to mention? It's it's taken for granted. But if you put it really in historical context, you realize that Islam really have added a lot to what was there before Islam? Indeed, for example, in the, in the biblical time, according to some scholars, like Westermarck, for example, in his book, The origin and development of modern ideas, or ideas, he says that in the biblical tent, there are certain narratives, several narratives that showed that the authority of the Father, patriarch, opposite over his children included even the rise of life and death, and that he could actually

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condemned theoretically, his child to this, of course, he concludes that this does not necessarily mean that the Hebrew father of necessity abused this particular right, but he has some authority and in terms of the life in the same reference also, I mentioned is made to the Western Europe, where it says that up to the year 1000, which means several 100 years after Islam even came

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in Europe, the infanticide or killing children, or selling them in slavery, was still accepted and was done especially at times of wars and famines among the Arabs, the pre Islamic Arabs before Islam, we hear all sudden we discuss that previously that there the they used also the female infanticide, particularly, or even both, sometimes they kill their children out of fear of poverty, which the Quran for Baden responded that God provides for all or more particularly girls for whatever motives they have, whether it was bias against girls, some belief and human sacrifice, or some other reasons, whatever the reasons, Islam has totally for

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bid those types of practice so at least to establish that the right of life, even from the

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embryo logical stages is something that should not be tampered with.

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Or what about the secondary choice? Now the question of lineage or legitimacy, legitimacy means that every child should have the right, inalienable right for secure identity, that you would have a non father.

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Of course, historically speaking, you know that usually the lineage is something that's related to the Father.

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But there have been instances where the person was related to mother, especially if the mother is more famous or out of respect of her or if the husband dies and the mother upbringings have children or grandchildren, in some cases, where the person is related to his mother,

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if the father or mother or both are not known, well, of course, if the father alone is not known, a person could be related to his mother by way of lineage. If both of them are not known, then according to the Quranic injunction in chapter 33, particularly verse four on

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that a person should be called as a brother of the faithful, and a client of the faithful, but not to be given any false identity. And that's why as indicated in some previous occasion, Islam has forbade adoption in the western sense, it allows fostering allows looking after the needs of a childish, childish, fatherless, I mean, child,

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but not to allow adoption, a sense of giving the name and identity of the Father, there should be no falsification, about the real identity.

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Now, the third category of rice has to do with proper care and upbringing.

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You give some explanation of what that entails, it attends a number of things, first of all, to receive the child with joy and happiness, and not to behave like the ignorant people in the pre Islamic era, where if they get the news of a birth of a boy, they feel happy. If they get the news of a birth of a girl, they feel very sad and very disappointed. The Quran actually condemned this kind of feeling, that one should feel that whatever the person is getting boy or girl, it's a gift, the blessing from God, one should not have any hesitation about that.

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Secondly, that a person also should express his thanks to God for this blessing by having some festive

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In the seventh day, or by the seventh day, the Prophet taught that the child should be given a name, if possible, his hair should be shaved, and the weight of his hair in gold or silver would be paid and charity.

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Also, preferably on the seventh day 14th 21st or any other day afterwards, the father should sacrifice a lamb and offer it by way of festival. And the Prophet was narrated to have done that one rent for one ram or lamp, if you will, for his grandchildren has an unforseen.

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The other right also includes the right of suckling, which according to the crown could go as far as two years.

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It includes the complete,

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taking charge of the responsibility and duty towards the child in terms of his or her physical needs. The Quran mentioned that and several sayings of the Prophet indicates that it is incumbent It is the responsibility on the Father. Except of course in the case where the child has his own, or her own property by way of something that was decreased or inherited from some other relatives, whereby you could support the child from his own property, especially if the father is not that well to do. But otherwise the duty is fully on the shoulder of the of the Father.

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It includes also the right of the child to get proper learning, learning manners, learning about his face. There are references that in several prophetic traditions and a tirmidhi Ahmed Abu Dawood, that in one saying of the prophet in attacking, a person should teach his child the testimony of faith, there is no god but God's are but one God. According to the Quran, one has to prevent his children from falling into disbelief, coup enforcer, komali coonara protect yourself and your families, from the Hellfire until at least the child grows up to the age of puberty where he can decide in the matter of faith, but this information and this religious orientation should be given

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to the child it is a responsibility that one cannot shun according to a saying of the prophet in Abu Dhabi. The Prophet said also you have to teach your child the prayers when he's seven years old and make sure that he really gets used to that and finally, to be

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Just an equitable in the treatment of the children. The Prophet repeatedly said that you should be just between your children, whether males or females.

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Well, I think we've we've pretty well exhausted our time for today. We'll leave it at that. We want to thank you for watching and invite you back next week. And we'll just begin a discussion of parental rights in Islam. Thank you for watching. Assalamu alaikum peace be unto you