Dealing with Grief
Channel: Bilal Assad
File Size: 58.01MB
hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Nabina Muhammad in WA the early he was sabe. Germaine brothers sisters, I want to begin with saying something important.
So the tragedy that happened to me was now three and a half years ago. And it's amazing how time flies.
My mother and I, and our family is still frozen in time. That's how it is. Here's how it feels when people lose loved ones, depending on how valuable they were, the more frozen in time you become.
There are some things when you have a loss, that a very human to you. And Allah subhanaw taala, places them in you. Don't be afraid of them. They're very normal for every human Muslim or non Muslim. Don't feel bad, that if you cry a bit, that if you're sad, that the pain stays, even for the rest of your life. That's a normal thing for a human being. The reason why I opened up with that is because people think something's wrong with them. When a tragedy happens, they usually come to me and ask, What can I do? When's this pain gonna go? The honest truth is a pain doesn't go.
The more you love someone, the more the pain stays.
But his pain, a bad thing, really.
Our mindset tells us it's a bad thing. But pain is not necessarily a bad thing. Brothers and sisters, this entire life is built on it. To build on happiness, sadness, some people will come into this life, some people will leave some people before us some people after us, then comes our time. But I'll tell you something, brother and sisters, there are two things we're very sure about. Number one, not a single prick of a needle that a person goes through, or a single bit of worry, a single bit of sadness, a single bit of fear, not even anxiety, just even fear before you get to the little bit of worry, not even depression before you even get there. Even a little bit of a word that
someone hurt you with. Allah subhanaw taala doesn't leave that out. He acknowledges it. That's the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam.
He said even the prick of a needle except that ALLAH subhanaw taala compensates them by forgiving of their past sins. Do you know what it means to forgive of our past sins? It means that ALLAH SubhanA wa ala, he brings us back to the way we will work we were when we were born, and the only thing we have with us are our good deeds. That means Allah Subhan. Allah is bringing us closer to Jana. Because Jana doesn't accept anybody with any sins upon them. You might be thinking, what if? And how does that make sense? You see brothers, sisters, even on the Day of Judgment, anything Allah subhanaw taala judges us with if they're still sins, He forgives them, he takes care of them and
until you enter paradise free with no guilt, no regret nothing. Brothers and sisters, pain is inevitable for everybody. Death is inevitable. Isn't that true?
What, what is this to you? What is it? Let's understand something.
This is nothing but this, according to the Quran and our beliefs. Death is merely going from one place to another place, from this world, to another world. That's all it is.
And when you go from this world to another world, your soul goes back to Allah subhanho wa taala. That is why we say in alila we're in LA Hero's Journey To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return. Those were the first words I said, when my son passed away. Muhammad, Allah, Allah and upon all your loved ones. That's the first one I said two hours later when my brother passed away, or not Allah, Allah and your loved ones. And that brought serenity. On top of the pain that I was going with my mother and my father, my siblings, all of us, my children, his mother, everybody was in turmoil. But brothers and sisters, let me tell you something.
What is SABR Patience, patience is to hold yourself together. It's not that you have to get rid of the feeling and the pain that you're going through. It's with the pain you hold yourself together from doing things that displease Allah subhanaw taala. And even if you do return back and repent and say, Oh ALLAH forgive me. There's a Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam where they said that what if a person went through pain and struggle and failed the first time and didn't say in that Allahu ala hero's yawn. The scholars tell us from this hadith that even if you say in La ilaha illa heroes young afterwards, months later, it will still be counted for you. The Hadith of the Prophet
SAW Selim says that when Allah takes a loved one, especially for children, if you take your children away, or any loved one, Allah says to the angels, how did you leave my servant? Like did you take his soul? Did you take his loved one soul? Did you take the heart of his art?
of his life that you take the thing that's most dear to him that last month Allah knows, he knows brothers and sisters, He knows your pain, He knows your tears, He knows your what you're feeling he knows everything already. And since he knows, there is a plan in sha Allah Huhtala did you take his beloved one? And they say, Yes, Yara, even though he knows. And then finally, Allah says we're mega kala Abdi, what did my dear servant say? Allah is listening. He is with you. That's why he's asking this question because he's acknowledging your pain. It's not like I don't want to hear about it. Now Allah is saying What did my What did my servants say is making the whole angels witness card or a
banner our Lord and you know best Hamidah co star jar? Your servant said and hamdulillah gratitude to Allah in every way. We establish our meaning they said to Allah we belong and to Him, we shall return. Do you know what that means? It means whether those people have passed away before you by a little bit. You're still going to follow anyway. Soon we're all going to meet each other again. It's certainly a small time, certainly a short time. Think about yourselves how old you are right now. Think about the years that have passed. How quick were they?
Ask your parents. How quick whether you are someone is over 40 over 60 How quick were they? Like the blink of an eye? Today I did two marriages for young people who are my ex students. I looked at them and said Subhanallah I still thought you were still 12 years old. Now the 2526 Time flies my brother and sisters. Time flies
Rasul Allah subhanaw taala tells us in the Quran about the state of the people when they are raised on a day of judgment. And they say call will come let Western fill out the other scene. How many years do you think you were in the earth? Corlew lab is now Yeoman Oba yo Memphis la lucha de they will say to each other, it was a day or part of a day ask those who have who keep count, either the angels or the righteous people call you in love with them in LA Canina. Yeah, and they stayed in this earth very, very short time. This whole earth was will seem like a speck of time in the end. And then you're united with your loved ones. Brothers and sisters, let me ask you something.
What do you think is the strongest support for yourself, when somebody passes away or any kind of grief that you go through? We have Muslims and non Muslims around the world. We have experts on social media always telling us how to get through grief and whatever what separates a Muslim than the rest. Everybody can deal with it in some way or another. But what separates a Muslim so I thought about that. When my family passed away a few months later, you heard about the Christian family in Sydney who had their family got run over there girls have got run over on the footpath. They're a Christian Lebanese family. How did they get through it? Even though they're not Muslim?
And how am I going through it when I'm a Muslim, and they supposed to be on the wrong path, not Muslim, following Jesus Christ as the Son of God.
Let me tell you something, brother and sisters, anybody who has some belief or faith in something can hold on to it to a certain degree.
And they're closer to the truth than other people because they believe in Allah. And they believe in Allah, even though they've got sugar or whatever, but the holding on to some belief, but they had to have somebody to tell them like the priest or the church, and so on and so forth. And I assure you, that their process is not the same as my process and your process. There's something for us that goes even further than that. There is something called the clean your clean means absolute assurity of what I'm believing and what I'm saying. And the backup that comes with is not from the mouths of people, but from the Quran itself. Meaning, where did I find my solace? Do you think
the Quran I found that in the Quran, I'll tell you why.
When you believe
in the hereafter,
it makes everything else in this world suddenly appear from a new perspective.
I wonder if you studied about the hereafter enough to find yourself right now. imagining yourself as if you're already standing on the day of judgment and looking at yourself. This is how I think I thought of myself standing on the day of judgment and looking at myself backwards.
What would I be thinking on that day? Right now I'm thinking the afterlife is somewhere far away. And I wonder where they are and all that stuff. And I'm thinking about the now but if I were to die, and I'm in the hereafter and then looking back at myself, knowing that I will never go back. And then I see in front of me paradise and hellfire, those who are going to paradise those who are going to help I see my family. I see my children, I see my siblings. I see all these people
is the destination brothers and sisters? What is the destination?
Does anyone know what the destination is? Is it here?
Our belief in the hereafter suddenly tells us our destination is not here. Stay with me now this is something very important. This is what helps me and what helped me till now and Hamdulillah.
For a believer, where is your destination? Everybody's going somewhere.
Your destination is in the hereafter is that not right? Our destination is paradise doesn't Allah tells us tell us that is your destination.
The people who find the destination here will not be able to cope as much as you will not. It's impossible not like you. Because you're thinking beyond this world.
If you're in a day of judgment, thinking of yourself backwards, you'll say I wish I had done this. I wish I had done that Subhanallah just for a speck of time I spent it that way for a speck of time as I've gotten, I had no time. So right now I'm too busy thinking about that brothers and sisters. I'm already in the Hereafter.
And the moment that my son and brother passed away, I was more definitely in the Hereafter I was in another world. For two years I couldn't see this world I thought I'm in the Hereafter.
And Allah subhanaw taala throughout the Quran puts you in the hereafter. Have you noticed? When Allah talks about the hereafter, he doesn't talk in the future tense. What does he talk in?
The present or the past? He even talks in the past tense. Meaning Don't worry about the soil and everything while you're going to dissolve. It's already in the past for Allah subhanaw taala and it's already in the past, everything's already in the past.
So with my son and brother they're on a journey at the moment there was someone who were they with their with ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala they pack their baggage, and they've just beaten us. And that's what happened when I visited their grave. I said unto Mr. Cohen wanna know insha Allah who become law Hakan, that's what the Prophet Muhammad Salah Salem used to say, when he visited the graves, you our brothers and sisters have passed over to the destination before us. And we will follow you will you and I will we will we not follow. Of course we will follow
my brothers sisters a short test is what we're going through at the moment and insha Allah will pass and I have good news for you. If you are a person who has suffered from some kind of test in your life, anything that is whatever it is, we all we're all sitting here with different tests, brothers and sisters. I'm not tested like some other people here.
Other people not tested like the way I'm tested, every one of you has a different test to the other and each one of you is enduring in a way different to the other, Am I not right? Some with wealth, some with death, some with health, some with divorce, some with
you know, pain, some with whatever they're going through.
Each one of us is tested with something and I want to tell you why. Allah subhanho wa Taala looks at each and every one of us. And the Prophet Muhammad Salah salem said, when Allah sees a level of faith and a man or belief in a person, he gives them more tests than others because they can endure it. He said they can endure it. That's why he said Ambia who ushered in a shed, Dibella and lamb are the ones who go through the most trials are the prophets than the ones like them. And the ones like they'll be asking what about people who are evil? Don't they go through tests and non Muslims go through tests? Yes, they do. But you see, here's the thing.
Only Allah Subhana Allah knows the outcome. You as a believer will react to Allah's test differently. And Allah says, Okay, let's see how you're going to react. Which way you're going to take it, it's in your power, but Allah gives it to you in a way that you can handle. As for the non Muslim, they may react in a good way temporarily. But if they don't know Allah Subhana Allah, they don't know the Hereafter they haven't read the Quran, there's going to be something wrong with their reaction, it's going to be more temporary. And even if they pass it in hereafter, there's nothing that's if a person knew the truth that is my brothers or sisters, look, let's come back, come back
to what the Quran says. You are going from here to a destination.
All that's happened, all that's happened. That's use my example my son and brother is that Allah subhana wa Taala
just gave them a shortcut.
He gave them a shortcut, and made them skip waiting in this ugly world.
He just took them back a little bit earlier. Well, that was their time, but to me, instead of them living on Allah just cut their journey short. And now they they that's why it was Allah has said him said you have beaten us and we will follow
and when I recite in the Quran I find we all find that in Surah taka have about the story of the boy who Musa alayhis salam and other went on a journey and other finds a little boy and he kills him. The boy did nothing. Absolutely nothing comes and kills him. And I'll have that
said to Musa but wait, if you're going to learn from me you are not allowed to ask me about a single question of what I do.
Because Musa had said to him, can I follow you to learn from you and He said to him, you won't be able to feel patient. You can't do it.
No questions as lentils, Tatianna your Sabra, you are not gonna be able to be patient. Instead, you'll see me among the patient ones Insha Allah, you know, he's more Sally Cena
is it alright, if you follow me, you can ask me a single question until I tell you what the interpretation of it is. He said, Okay. The first thing happened, he lost his patience, said I told you you can't. The second thing happened was killing the boy who lost his patient says I didn't I tell you. The third thing happened. He said, Okay, that's it. You and I are gone. But I'll tell you what it means even more so Sam could not be patient with it. That's what Allah gave the knowledge to that man. It didn't give it to more Sally's Center. He gives each one to the proportion that they can handle.
And if you can handle it, he raises you with it. It means he's chosen us subhanho wa Taala it's very hard for people to think in that sense. A Muslim can. The Quran makes you able to, to think that way a Muslim who reads the Quran and lives with the Quran can that's why it also Salah said I'm say the hijab movement, strange. There's a state of the believer, if good happens to him or her they are grateful and if bad happens to him or her, they are still patient and nothing happens to a believer except they interpret it as good. Everything is good for a believer. We're always optimistic. We are never pessimistic ever, ever. Ever. I was never pessimistic. Wallahi from even though my son died
right in front of my eyes. Nobody else saw it. My father was behind me he fainted. I had to look at my father. He couldn't make it he was with me.
But I never was pessimistic Allahu even from that day. All I said was your Allah. Even if he's paralyzed, bring him back. Oh, look after mom, I'm ready. And Allah says, if Allah said to me, no, you can't handle that.
And you don't know what his future holds for him. You don't know what your brother's future holds for him. Allah knows. And I knew Allah knows Musa and another. When he killed that boy. In the end, he said to him,
this young boy was going to grow up in the future, to become a tyrant.
And his parents are good people in their righteous and out of love for them. He took their son early before he can reach the point of giving them tyranny.
And he replaced him for their parents with another child. Who would be when Allah knows will become a better righteous child. Because Allah doesn't make us righteous, you make yourself righteous, it's your choice.
What is the result? The young boy hasn't done any sin, he went to Paradise and sha Allah, the nude boy goes to Paradise, the parents go to Paradise guess we're all they're all going to end up together because Allah says, or Latina, man what to do to
the man in helping,
I'll help gonna be him notary at home.
And at home, I'm the nominee.
shayri Allah says, and those who believe in righteousness, and they have children who follow them on the footsteps of righteousness, we will reunite their children with their parents, and we will not bring whoever's upwards downwards. Do you know what that means? means that if the parents ended up high, or the children ended up high, and the other ones don't deserve to be high, Allah subhanaw taala will lift those who are down upwards for free,
for free. Why? Because in Paradise is all happiness and joy. How can it be joy without your family? But Allah says, however, you are all indebted, or under a pledge to yourself, so make sure you follow righteousness, and Allah will do the rest he'll honor you even more.
So I have no problem brothers and sisters, my son and brother just beat me to the destination. And after that I read a lot about the hereafter in the grave and what the Quran says what the prophets Allah Selim says maybe for a whole year information I've never looked at before. And I shared it with my mother and father and children and siblings and family all of them.
That information helped me a lot. Because brothers sisters, where are they now? They're in the hereafter. So the more I know about the hereafter the more I'm connected with them the more I am because as a father, what am I thinking I want to be there for him I've still got that I'm still in that auto mode. I've got to protect him I'm
gonna be there even my other brother who was always rely on brother B's to call me What's this and what's that not be there for him and your loved ones. You were there for them in some way. So you want to kind of do something for them.
But Allah Subhana Allah says to the prophets, Allah sent him to say to us, and are in the hospital now BB
I am at the positive way My servants thinks of me. Allah is only positive. Look at all of his 99 names. Those are the ones who revealed to us. So is there any negative name?
You might be thinking, Oh, but he says he's the hammer. And no, Allah says a Barona, the hammer the benefit, meaning he will not harm you, except out of the harm. A benefit will come. So he will not harm you unless there's a benefit. You might say, a hospital raffia the denote the motor the promoter, it means he will not demote you unless he wants to promote you means every door that closes another door is going to open. But if you don't have that connection with Allah with that same belief, and it's only a one way thing, doesn't Allah say what either sir Luca Neva in iClone. And if my servants asked you about me, I am always close. That's not a question to be asked.
Would ye Buddha or watered down I either.
I will respond to the person who always and constantly calls upon me meaning don't stop. Allah is the only one who does not like you to stop asking, talking to him, speaking to him, telling him about your worries telling about your pain, Allah loves it. Why? Because that connects you to him. Not because he wants to make you feel bad. No. Because, you know, if you want to have a good connection relationship with your parents, the experts say oh with your children, ask them for advice. Talk to them about your feelings. And if they're reciprocating, suddenly, you start to create memories with each other. Because what is a relationship relationship is memories, the more
memories and the deeper they are, the stronger the relationship is. So with Allah is not only to create memories with him, Subhana he's there. But we have to connect him Allah says funniest Ijebu Lee, let them respond to Me. While you may know be and let them put the trust in me in their heart, meaning that we always question we always have doubts, the shaitan comes to us gives us who swears we start asking why did they go but why but why but why and that's when we're connected to this temporary will we get these thoughts. So we need to read more about who Allah is and what the hereafter has in store for us. The more we learn about it, the more we feel at ease Wallahi and
that's how I felt, the pain is still there, even till now as I'm standing in front of you. However, as time went on, it became easier for me to handle the pain. It never goes away and I don't want it to go away. I don't want it to go away. Because that's what connects me with my brother and son.
Brother and Sisters, let me ask you something.
Allah subhanaw taala doesn't just leave us alone like that. Allah subhanaw taala. He says to you what, what can you remember, of your loved ones, that you can continue as an ongoing charity and ongoing peace of knowledge. The Prophet peace be upon him said when a person passes away, or their actions are cut off, except for three things, a righteous child, they left behind, do supplicates for them, an ongoing charity they left behind or you leave a charity on behalf of them, or an ongoing piece of knowledge they left behind? What did they teach you? Think about it. Think of your loved ones. What did they teach you in life that pleases Allah, grab onto it and walk with and teach
it to others. It will be a spiral effect that continues from now and till the end of time. So the dead person who leaves behind good work or charity or righteous family, they're still living if you want them to still live, but in a different way.
You keep going. That's why we are called Khalifa. Khalifa means those who go away and replace and we continue.
And here for example, this word destination. My son made up that word. He called I was gone to camp with him one day it was 12 is on he says Baba the bridge of destiny.
For me, that's personal. And I said my son, this is your destiny.
He said to me I was born ready. Every time I say was this was the motto between him and I are you ready? Baba I was born ready?
He's ready. And I'm ready. My brother, what can I remember about him Allah? These are the things that I benefit and they get rewarded for it's as if I'm still with them. He said, Every time a day would pass he used to say Brother B. See this right here? See this right here right here? I'm pointing at it. See this moment. Enjoy this moment. Don't think about tomorrow.
We used to talk like that. And you know I took it on board. Brothers Sisters, you can still take on board the good things that you learn from them and it's as if they're still living and going. Rasul Allah Allah wa sallam said, that Allah puts an angel to that person and says, when the person sees the ranks rising because somehow the soul in the hereafter in the world of the buttock we call it the barrier world, where the world of the souls the Prophet peace be upon him says that they see their ranks rise, and how do their ranks rise? One person will say, you know, where did I get this from? And the angels will say, you have a righteous child making diet for you, or it's still far for
you, or you have a righteous person making dua are still far for you. They get to see it. They get to see it.
So Allah Subhana Allah atavism.
He has made a connection still between us and them but in a different level in a different way.
you know brothers and sisters
the thing that helps you a lot and it helped me
is also praying to Allah subhanho wa Taala in the nights when it's not fun to pray when it's not compulsory pray.
You just go down and make such that before you go to sleep out of your bed by yourself, no one around and talk to Allah as if you are talking to a friend. Doesn't Allah know what's in your heart? Well then say it. Even though Allah knows that don't ask the question. Why should I tell it to him? He knows no, no, no, no, Allah is telling you speaker so that you can feel it so that you can feel your connection to me, it's all about you.
And Mark my words. If you've had a loved one who has passed away it means that Allah chose you for this type of tests because he knows
you can you can pass through that test.
Brothers and sisters, Allah subhanaw taala he says in the Quran, or I learned over Noyon one vision
how often you want to enjoy anyone open slim mean.
For CNY found out ot why bash shell Saudi pain levena is
also but mostly
call Callooh in,
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you can move
on, Allah says and we will surely put you through trials of different ways. Sometimes fear, they're a bit of fear. Sometimes a bit of hunger for some people, sometimes a bit of loss of wealth, sometimes a loss of lives from around you, and sometimes a loss of fruit and vegetation for people who work in that field. Allah says and give good news to those who are patient, meaning the ones who hold hold themselves together. The ones who when a calamity befalls them, they say to Allah we belong unto Him we shall return Allah says these are the people whom Allah's blessings and mercy falls upon them. And these are the people who are rightly guided in life, rightly guided in life
because your guidance here connects to the guidance in the hereafter. Do you believe in the hereafter?
If you believe in the hereafter and 100 and then connect yourself with it? If you don't believe in the hereafter, I advise you to go and read from the Quran. You never and sisters, I think majority of a lot of young people now and I've seen I'm a teacher, you know that many of them have abandoned the Quran. And then they ask why can I feel this? You've abandoned the Quran, brother and sister.
The Quran on the day of judgment and prophets on the Day of Judgment will stand up and Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam will come around and he'll say what Karla rasuna be in accord with the hurdle. hurdle Khurana matura. And the messenger will say oh my lord, my people took the score n as an abandonment. Why it's on those words from above the heavens to you, to connect you to him every day. 15 minutes connect yourself with the Quran even if you don't understand the words, even if you mumble even if it's hard for you the prophesy centum said those who find it hard and they start out with the Quran. They can't read the Arabic they have double the reward double why double because
Allah wants to encourage you to connect to him through his words, Allah's words, you're talking to him subhanho wa Taala
Wallahi I found my solace in the Quran. You know, you can listen to music if you like.
But music doesn't really do much. It only gives you two or three or four minutes of a bit of a euphoria. Some dopamine is released, some other neurotransmitters are released. They're just chemical reactions. And then when they're gone, you want to listen to it again. And again and again. And finally. That's it. You want something new? Why? Because there's nothing beyond that. There's nothing in there that really connects you to any truth except just bandaid solution.
And I tried to
try it when I was younger.
never listened to the music and thought
feel like going to the masjid now that inspired me. That inspired me man. My Salah my daughter never happened that way.
Brothers, sisters, family and friends also help you in the beginning look. Finally I want to just say this
Brothers Sisters, look,
family and support is a little bit difficult at first, because you're in so much pain and you have to go through
through five steps, every human goes through them. First of all, it's a shock, a bit of a denial. I don't believe it. I don't believe this has happened. I went through it, I was in shock. My mother was in shock. She didn't know what's happening. She couldn't see anything anymore.
The shock stays for a little while. Then you go into this thing of negotiation like
what can I do? What can I do for them? What can I do for them? What if I did this? Then I can do that. I went through negotiation, Yarra, please, I'm not gonna be able to have a shower until you show me my son in my dream, I want to see him my dreams, I want to see my, my my brother and my dreams, I'm not going to change my clothes, I'm not going to eat, I'm not going to do anything until I see them negotiation.
Allah for me. So this was subjective.
I did see a beautiful dream. And for me that helped me.
However, after that, you go through a bit of anger. But why, but why I can't handle this anymore.
if only I had done this, so I blame myself a bit. That was the worst, blaming myself.
Because the first thing I said to my son, when he passed away at that second, I said, Bobo,
please forgive me, I'm sorry.
And that stayed for a while.
But there came a moment through Salah to through reading the Quran and connect with Allah subhanaw taala every night, finally,
I made a decision. I made a decision that I'm not going to blame myself anymore. I'm not going to think back because had I had the chance to turn back time. I would have not let him go on that.
On that excuse on that activity. If I knew he was going to die, I wouldn't.
So ask yourself the question, if you've lost the loved one, can you turn back time? If you could, and you knew they were going to die at that time? Would you do something?
Of course you would.
That is evidence not to blame yourself that you had absolutely no control.
How many times have we subjected ourselves to danger and we could have died a million times. And that's what Allah says in the Quran. Why ah for Hunka theory Allah keeps away lots of harm from you. You have angels at the front Lahoma October two min benei a day you have angels that exchange roles like in the day in the night they some come down the other ones come up like a tech team from in front of you, they protect you, woman hunt fee and angels are behind you. And they do a tag team day and night.
Allah subhanaw taala says yeah, Phalguna home in amarilla they protect you by the will of Allah so there are so many dangers would have come to you but Allah Samantha is protecting you. And then when the color comes in, there is a reason for it. Hold on to it, brothers sisters, if you know what color is that Allah has pre measured everything. And that nothing happens is if it is good that Allah has a plan for you, or it is a test, or it is our suffering, suffering, or a good is going to come out of that suffering. Or if it's something that you did yourself that you can learn from this is just learning curves. These usually happen when you're on an endeavor or something like that you
learn from your mistakes. And that's okay, like a baby who learns how to walk every time it falls is just going to be able to walk and just keep going brothers and sisters. With that pain, you can be in rehab, it can be in the hospital, it can be in a mental institution, if you like and the pain won't go away. You can go on drugs and the drugs will numb it away so for Allah and will make you worse. And if a person dies this way, Allahu Allah where they will end up or you can have the pain with you, and then decide, what are you going to do in this life? What can you do? Allah has given you skills, Allah has given you knowledge, Allah has given you many, many, many blessings around
your brothers sisters, the fact that and I'll finish it with this, the fact that you are breathing right now. And the fact that you lived on right now means only one thing.
It means that Allah subhanaw taala still has used for you in this world. There are others around you that need you.
There is something in this world that requires your presence, that without your presence, it cannot happen. You are important. You have a purpose. So think of Allah that way. You're up when you might be important to you. It's your mindset that's telling you stuff to all you. As for Allah says I'm not negative. Think of me Well, that's who I am. And our Homra I mean, I'm the most merciful, but you
you have to you have to
Accept it and believe in what I'm telling you.
My brothers and sisters
May Allah subhanaw taala bless you will heal your hearts heal your pain.
May Allah subhanaw taala accept Teodora last man to Allah put your loved ones who have passed away into paradise and lift it and raise their ranks. May Allah Samantha unite us all with them once again, my login with people of high righteousness and piety, with the angels and so on.
Don't despair, my dear and sisters, Allah is with you. So open your arms up for Allah subhanaw taala like my little daughter said, Papa wanna hug Allah said, Okay, pray, because this way we do this. I said, Yes. Hug Allah Spano. Todd.
Thank you for listening was so Allah and Ebina Muhammad while earlier soft, big my, my brothers and sisters. So this is a message first of all, to convert, Revert, whatever makes you feel comfortable. Look rather than sisters. First of all, first and foremost, we belong to Allah. Before your parents became your parents, they belong to Allah, before you became their child, you belong to Allah. Isn't that right? Allah is the One who willed for you to be born from those parents. He could have willed for you to be born from different parents. Yes. And as you live through this life, your bond increases with the people that you love, but Allah created them for you. Had he created you with
other parents, your bond will also increase with them. Isn't that correct?
Allah Samantha let you experience love and connection and a bond.
That's number one.
The question to you is now
do you think Allah is not just or fair?
Do you think Allah does not know what's inside your family's hearts? Those who passed away? Seemingly not Muslim? Don't you think Allah knows what's in their mind? What's in their hearts? That he knows is their entire life better than you and me? Yes, he does. Do you think that we are more just than Allah? subhanaw taala? Can we be more Justin Allah?
You remember Iblees? When he said to Allah, I don't want to bow to Adam.
Do you think he became disability? Because he didn't listen to Allah? No. Do you think he became a disbeliever? Because he thought he's better than Adam. No, that's not why do you think it is believed in Allah and I still believes in Allah, at least believes in Allah more than all of us here, the entire world. The reason he became a disbeliever was because he said to Allah, you are making me bow to him.
When I am better than him, this is not fair. In other words, oh, God, I know more than you. And what I'm saying I think is more fear than what you're saying. Meaning you are not just I'm just
I'm more just than you.
So Allah says to him very calmly, is this your this your decision? Okay, well, you no longer allowed to be in this rank. If you don't believe ALLAH is just you're just going to create chaos. He said, I'm going to whisper to everyone else, the same thing.
I will sit on their religion. And I will say to them while they're practicing their religion, look what your God is doing to
brothers and sisters, remind yourself this, in Allah, her and her coming, he is the most wisest of all wise, do you know what a hockey hockey means in Arabic?
Hakeem, not not just wise, there's a there's a there's a real meaning to it. And that is to place everything where it deserves to belong.
Now brothers and sisters, let me ask you something. Do you think the prophets did not have parents or loved ones who also left who did not believe in Allah? Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam had his beloved uncle, his beloved father, he never met him. His Beloved Mother, I know some people have told you that his mother was a believer. But actually, the sources show us that that also Salah Salem knew his mother died a disbeliever. And only Allah knows her situation. He cried.
Ibrahim Ali doesn't know his father was a disbeliever. Okay.
Brothers and sisters.
At the end of the day,
when you go from here to the other world, you're not going to think the same way you were thinking here. All the laws and everything is so different. You cannot compare the problem is that we are unable it's not really a problem. It's really our nature. Because we are in this world we can only think within the realms of this world. How minds take us in a way that we're used to in this world. We are weak and Allah knows what hola called insert or die for he knows that about us. And he takes it easy on us. Sister is saying that we don't want to say something that angers Allah on
Like Salah and happiness, a lot of knows you better than yourself. Even if you get a little bit out of line, Allah subhanaw taala sends you something from places you didn't see just to guide you back gently. Allah is more gentle than the mother to her own child. I'll tell you something once in the in one of the expeditions at the time of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. They came back where they took some of the prisoners away. Some of them were Muslim, and some of them were non Muslims living among the Muslims. They took like this, this non Muslim woman who was living among the Muslims, and they saved her from one of the battles and she was looking for her child.
She's looking from one person to another, until when she found her child she had done to her child and cried and went on the floor. And she said to Him my life instead of yours, and I would sacrifice myself and I would never let a single thing happened to Ross also, I said, I looked at his companions and he said,
Can you imagine if I told you this mother would burn her child in the fire?
They said no, here are some of that mother can never imagine she'll throw herself in the fire before she throws her child in the fire. He says for in Hola, hola, como Bella, Bella, demean her the hill, maybe where Lydia? Allah is more merciful to His servants than this mother is to a child. But it's also wise is also all knowing. And on the Day of Judgment will not be the same as here. Everything will be revealed. Everything will be revealed. It'll be revealed even to Abraham Ali's Senem even he had this, you know, he lived through that know how they said and lived through there. He went on the ark and his son went right in front of Mrs. It'll be in Lebanon early. Oh my lord, my son is one of
my family. Allah says no, you don't know is corrupt.
Please forgive me, my Lord for what I have said. But he is a prophet. If a prophet thought that way. What about us?
So don't feel guilty about those thoughts. It's fine. Allah Subhana Allah knows. But at the same time, brothers, sisters know that he is wise and just is more just than us and more merciful than any of us. We don't know their circumstance. Perhaps Allah knows something about them, that you'll forgive them. Perhaps, you know, there's four types of non Muslims. The first two types will not go to hellfire. The two other types will go to hellfire. That's according to the Quran. The ones whom Allah subhanaw taala will not.
Allah Spandana forgiven are the ones who knew the right the truth of Islam and refused it and rejected or those who heard a little bit of it and knew that it was truth, but they don't want to pursue it. The other two are the ones who never heard about Islam, and the ones who heard about Islam, but it was mumble jumbled. All they heard about it was the bad stuff and they said well, why would I want this religion? Allah Samantha is not going to punish these people. The people Allah knows this situation. There are some non Muslims who have mental issues and mental illnesses or they think Allah Samantha won't deal with them justly and properly.
Let me tell you this matter my brothers and sisters leave it to Allah subhana wa Tada. And Allah says in the Quran Elisa Allahu becareful Abda isn't Allah sufficient for his servant? And we say our hammer Rama Rama Rahim how many times in our Salat five daily prayers how many times we say R Rahman r Rahim H Raka. We say it four times Bismillah R Rahman Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen R Rahman Al Rahim for a cause. You do the math five times a day do the math
and then the Sooners and everything so you don't worry about that Insha Allah, Allah will take care of those loved ones in a way that is just in fear and with His mercy.
Right now you do your best and look after the rest of your loved ones who are living and keep going forward. Because Tawakkol relying on Allah Subhana Allah means whatever the outcome is, you keep going forward. And you say God that Allah Allah, Masha, Allah, Allah, Allah wills and what he has permitted has happened. Keep going forward and don't give up keep going forward. Only Allah knows what the future holds.
I just want to say this is just a smart I didn't know you were a smart you're sitting there sister.
I wanted to include it in I forgot.
When my tragedy happened, there is a sister in Belgium. I don't know her. But she sent me a book.
And she said this will help you.
Suddenly in my mail,
she said what's yours? Please give me a really please, please, please, please we'll sit alright. So I took a risk. I don't know who it was. A bomb pulls out on our roads. I got these two books. Two books in my mailbox. I opened them up.
It's called something gift. What is it a temporary gift. That was three years ago sister I read it by sister ismat Hossein
I want to show you how it doesn't matter how knowledgeable you are you think you are, what you've done or what qualifications you have. We always need each other brothers and sisters always need each other. And I read through the entire book.
All of it
And that was before I did the interview on the podcast.
And I took some of that information and applied it. Do you know why? Because when you're in a time of grief, you can't think
you forget lots of different lots of that hadith if you forget, you need someone to come and help you and remind you. So may Allah reward you, sister, some of you don't know how many people have benefited. And I gave it to my daughter
if you were to go back in time,
and you knew
that if you did such a thing, that person is going to die or something's going to happen to them. Would you still do that thing?
No. Would you know? If I would, it means I should blame myself, I'm quite evil. It means I want to kill people. stuff. But Allah.
The way I dealt with at Cisco is I go look back in time. And I said to myself, if you knew what's going to happen right there, and then
would you do everything in your power to not let it happen? I said, Yes, yes. And the fact that I'm grieving is Evidence is Evidence of my what's really in my heart. If I didn't grieve or I didn't care, it means I'm evil.
what we should understand is that when a person is in the womb of their mother, there are four things written for them, and they will not change.
Some of them are a mix between our actions and Allah's intervention, such as provision and risk.
The rest of them, we have no say in them, the time of your death,
the time of your death.
Actually, all of them will have a say except for time of death.
You're going to end up in paradise or Hellfire as part of your work and your risk. And whether you know how long you're going to live.
So that person will never go into die at that time, nothing would have prevented it. They were going to die. And nothing was going to prevent it. That was their time. As for you, I want to ask you a question.
Do you think that
the companions of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam did not do things terrible before they became Muslim? Do you think they didn't do this and they didn't kill and all that stuff? Of course they did. But what is it that changed them?
It was their repentance. Repentance. Rasulillah Salam said, a tiny woman has them become another Bella, whoever repents as if they have no sin. But of course, they went back to the families and compensated them and looked after them. They were there was one companion I know that had orphans anyone and looked after them as a result of what he did, looked after for the rest of their life. But the point is, regret. This was another Matoba regret is repentance. The fact that you regret it is repentance. And at the end of the day, sister, we have no power except in Allah subhanho wa taala.
So that time that they died was meant to be and it's not out of it's not within your control. And always ask yourself, if you had gone back and you could change it, would you not change it? Yes, then that means it's not your fault. And if you still feel that, ask Allah to forgive you and move forward.
And change your ways and do something in its place to replace it. Malice pantalla give us strength.
You can't answer all their questions. But children that have something adults don't have.
If you're there for them, and you show them love, and especially with the girls, you hug them a lot. You sit down and you listen with them and anything that if you don't have an answer, just hugging. You know, I love you so much. We both going through it together.
Let's go What would you like to do? Let's go play together. Let's do this. Just they want safety. They want security because they're scared. They don't know what's going on. My older daughter, she's a bit more aware. She writes her diaries she does her own pictures and everything. What do I do as a father? I love them. I look at them. I talk to her about them. We talk together I listen. What's this mean? I just can't sometimes she'll break down now.
I'll just hug her and say, It's okay, well, well, you can feel it. It's beautiful. Because you love him. You love your brother. I wish I had a brother just he used to support me and said, Bob, I know Subhanallah but you know what, you've got your parents, you've got everybody on and we're not going to leave you Inshallah, we'll be back together again. And I was telling you guys, some you're going to come out of this something different, you're going to be able to help the world in a way that others cannot. So when you talk to people about it, they're going to listen to you in a different way. So I talked my feelings as well as their feelings. So what Sister Smith is saying is basically
do what you can do as a parent, just be a parent, but be a bit more of a closer parent and share all
Allah has created the resilience in children different tools Subhanallah
Can we pray not to be tested?
Yes, of course you can.
But can I tell you which da it is? Allah told us the DA
you want to know how it said in the last page of sort of Bakara?
You read the last page go and look at it in sha Allah last page and it's very good question Have a look at the last page of swords and Bacara chapter number two last page
law you can live for long enough son in law wasa God does not burden any person more. God does not burden any person beyond their capacity. That's number one. La La Casa La hammock disebut
whatever it earns of goodness is for her meaning for your soul for yourself while you hammock does anything it decides to do wrong knowingly will be against them. So your actions alone
which means that sometimes the test comes from our own actions
is not correct.
If I choose not to drink water and dehydrate myself, am I not going to be tested with that?
It's still a test. But it's my actions.
Secondly, Allah says Rob Bonilla to hit enter in the Santa Ana our Lord meaning the Maintain no one who looks after us. Do not hold us accountable if we make a mistake, or we forget if we falter or make mistake. I'm going to have Milena Robina. Learn whether to Hominem Takata LNAV our Lord do not put upon us tests which are beyond our ability to carry
wha fun, pardon us from everything else pardoned means something I did wrong. I knew it was wrong but my Lord just just can just let it go.
Just let it go. But what's my excuse? I don't deserve it. Just just let it go, pardon me, well the Filipina and cover our sins in our mistakes
what Humla and have mercy upon us. So in answer to your question, sister, you can pray to Allah not to give you tests. But it is impossible
to get rid of all the tests even your own actions. Because if Allah doesn't give you a test, guess who's gonna give yourself a test? You let me ask you sister. You have children
hamdulillah when you have children, do your children give you a hard time sometimes?
So if you say oh Allah don't give me any tests it means get rid of my children
you thought about that?
Do you eight cruciate What if you love the food so much, he took too much of it because he loved it. And suddenly stomachache Oh Allah don't test me get away from get the food away from me I can't eat anymore.
Everything has a test whether we like it or not, but the best that we can ask Allah is oh Allah do not hold on our shoulders, things that we cannot be and part of us from everything else. So test is a necessity, it is part of life and without it, we cannot grow we cannot improve. We cannot have the blessings. Without test. They cannot be blessings without mistakes. They cannot be forgiveness without enduring some kind of oppression or or pain they cannot be mercy. Always remember that. You cannot have this without the other. But the only place where you can no longer have any more tests is where
our destination paradise. No more tests over there forever and ever.
Thank you very much run sisters. I want one more thing. Your children do they walk? Of course they walk. You watch them when they were babies crawling. Did they fall down? They fell down did they not? So they were being tested. But without falling down. They wouldn't learn 100 different ways of how not to fold down the second time by falling down 100 different ways. But now they're walking and there'll be there for you inshallah. So I think brothers sisters, embrace tests and embrace suffering, don't run away from it. Oh, the shaitan exploiting our weakness. The fact that you asked this question means that you've given him power. sisters, brothers, please listen carefully.
The Shaitan can do nothing to nothing.
You have to make that decision him. Let me introduce you to a power that you don't really realize you've got willpower and decision making. You can tell your brain the shaitan will not overcome me. He will not listen to what Allah says in the Quran. Welcome
Hola, Korean or a banana? Giovanni Tuhoe, King Nephi Boylan. In the UN on the Day of Judgment, the Korean your shaitan that you are born with called the Korean will say, Oh my lord, oh my lord, I did not make him or her go astray, but they were just too far away. You know, they they made themselves vulnerable. They kept giving me that power, and they just listened to me. It believes himself will make a hotbar and is a chef or bliss. He will make a hook but in hellfire, stand up and say, everyone, because you know when someone enters prison,
all right. He's gonna cop it from other people. So he's entered hellfire and he says, Listen, everyone will call a shaitan on a metal deal. And when all the metals have ended in the Day of Judgment has gone into hellfire. Everyone other people at the hellfire. I invited you. And you listened. I did not force you. I did not pressure you. I did not threaten you. Mechana Lea, Aleykum Minnesota, I had absolutely no power over you. I just whispered. And I promised you things and I lied. I promised you and I lied. So do not blame me. And I won't hold anything against you every mentor himself or do we have we have we agreed? So brothers and sisters,
we need to change our mindset.
We need to change our mindset and stop giving power to things that don't have that power. I promise you Allah, if you try this, make a decision in your head to say, I'm no longer going to give any room for these intrusive thoughts. You have no room. Oh, here it comes again. Because I'm not giving you any room. Make that decision you have a willpower will lie. In the beginning. It's hard and slowly go away. And then replace it with distractions other things in sha Allah. Have you ever heard of neuroplasticity? neuroplasticity, psychologists hear.
So you know there are channels in your brain that we block because we don't use them often. But then suddenly you read another book or you do something else. So you start something you haven't ever done before. And then a new channel opens up a new neuro transmission happens through those neurons or you open up a new pathway suddenly you gain some skills you never thought you had gained some powers you never thought you had and obviously say Oh ALLAH assist me against my desires and do not give the shaitan any power against me. And if you do, and you for a week to the Showtime, this is what you do.
You go back and say stop for Allahu La zine. You go back and you pray a couple of hours, you go and do a good deed. And finally, I'll tell you this was the young man came up to from salsa and said, Yeah, rasool Allah advised me, it says at the BSA, at Al Hasan, at a tempo, the tempo every time you do something wrong, followed up with a good deed to wipe it away. You know, the shaitan hates that. That's why it comes back at you. Every time just wipe it away, wipe it away, and know that the battle between you and him will never be over until the soul leaves your body. So always remember you do something wrong, easy, go and do something good. You do something wrong, go and do something
And you always wipe it away and the shutdown will get weaker inshallah we'll talk to you,
Subhanallah sister smoke can help me with this as well. I'm just a dad.
You know, dads they need. They also need mother's
look, what I discovered is that there's really no age. I just go with the flow with my kids. I just listen and see when they're ready. I'll just put a little bit of my effort. And when they want to stop, I stop.
So the idea is not about finding a time to talk to them about it. But really just monitoring them and waiting for them to give you a cue something that they bring up. Just talk about that. My daughter, for example. She said to me when she was eight. Why haven't I seen she used to call that home Brahim let her know app. When Why haven't I seen up in my dreams? Why doesn't he come visit? Why did he go and visit my sister and you? Doesn't he like me? I mean, I loved him that she said that to me that came out of the blue. And I wasn't ready for it. That was the time that she gave me a cue to talk to her. Otherwise I don't bring it up. I don't bring it up. She's having fun. She's
loving. I don't want to bring it up. And then when she brought it up, said oh boy, you know your brother loves you tremendously. And maybe he hasn't had the chance yet to come and see you maybe he's really busy with something so why would it be busy for me? I didn't know what to say really? So I just had to
do hugging always works.
And she goes I understandable. She understood
And obviously, look, sometimes they talk to each other like my other daughter, she talks to her too.
And everyone plays a part. But when it comes to the point, I don't know what to say.
I just hug that's it. Big hug for.
So I used to sit down when when the tragedy happened with my daughters. I wouldn't talk about death itself, but I would talk about the hereafter. So we used to just walk in sometimes in the car sometimes go to the park. As we're walking, she's got a little scooter. And we're just going and I'd say can I tell you about something really beautiful about the angels in Jana? She goes yeah, and she was into unicorns that time. And I said to her, that you know, in general, you can get a unicorn
now what am I telling her? I'm getting her prepared to understand how beautiful the how merciful Allah is and how it's not the end there's still so much to look forward to.
Really she said it could fly because Can I have app with me? I said, Yes. He'll bring is going to bring you the unicorn. And you know what, Baba, the angels are gonna come and they're gonna joke with you and smile because that's in the Hadith, they will smile and they'll gonna bring you back home and you're going to be with him and which he goes, What about us and I'll be with you right there. She was what about mum? I said, Yeah, mum will be there too. What about the dot and data got the entire family bubble, everybody will be there. And then we start talking about chocolate rivers and chocolate this and chocolate that the point is,
avoid I avoided talking about the tragedy itself, but talking about the good things of the Hereafter. And she made the connection by herself. But it's kind of positive makes her happy. We're laughing even other sister laughed.
She also came into the picture. She didn't know Maryam, you know that? Allah subhanaw taala will look is looking after him right now. You know that right? And your uncle said, Yeah, I saw them the other day on a cloud. And there was a pool and they were jumping into it and you were there. Sit Oh Baba, that's exactly Allah is giving you so that she does see things even if it's from her subconscious mind. You just reinforced that positivity. I think that that was my approach Allah on him. And I think I think it's kind of working. If you're not praying five times a day, start it. But do it because you want to because you told yourself I'm going to start it off with some voluntary
prayers every now and then start reading from the Quran. Start going to maybe
wherever you feel comfortable there in any mosque or any Islamic organization go to in Shaolin. They feel comfortable around them, go to it. Go on YouTube. Listen to scholars and chefs who you trust, who talk about the hereafter, who connects you with the Mercy of Allah subhanho wa taala.
And you know what?
Remember what I said before, the fact that you are living, it means Allah subhanaw taala has used for you. It means you are on it. I want you to remember that you are honored,
but make your own account. Insha Allah who died